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Dreams (or Delusions of the Cursed)	By : saucywench20 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 859 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-01 Dreams
- 2-02 Delusions
- 1
- 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. That honor goes to Masashi
Kishimoto.
Title: Dreams or Delusions of the Cursed
Pairings: ItaNaru, KyuuNaru.
Mentions of past SasuNaru, slight one-sided GaaNaru
---
02 Delusions
---
Mental disorders are a common feature among the shinobi populaces of
villages all over the various countries.
A fact that is disturbing to most civilians who have no personal tie to the
shinobi world. To shinobi, this fact is something that is easily understood.
The life of a shinobi is an incredibly harsh one, full of pain from
beginning to end and in some instances beyond the end for those that found
themselves in unlucky enough spots. So when a shinobi found that they were
coming apart at the seams, no one was really surprised.
It was something that was easily forgotten at times, but shinobi were human
and susceptible to the weaknesses of humans.
After all, one could only be bent so far and come out as they started.
According to the official medic-nin diagnostic and statistical manual of
mental disorders, a delusion is classified as: �A false belief based on
incorrect inference about external reality that is firmly sustained despite
what almost everybody else believes and despite what constitutes
incontrovertible and obvious proof or evidence to the contrary. The belief is
not one ordinarily accepted by other members of the person's culture or
subculture (e.g., it is not an article of religious faith).�
An example of someone suffering from delusional paranoia would be if someone
had the belief that there are people out to get them and watching them. In many
cases the individual suffering from such a delusion, if they are a civilian,
are most likely suffering from some sort of mental illness or defect.
Now if a shinobi came up and said that they thought that someone was out to
get them and that they were being watched, in the vast majority of the cases
there usually was someone after them.
Of course, this is just scraping the surface as to what a delusion may or
may not be though.
The haze of delusion and potential insanity was something that shinobi had
to navigate through on a daily basis and question the actions of almost
everyone that they meet.
�Am I being told everything that I need to know for this mission?�
�Why are the higher ups paying so much attention to me?�
�Do they view me as an asset?�
�Do they view me as a threat?�
�Is the mission that I�m being sent on an actual mission or a set up?�
�Is my recent posting to my rank a good or bad thing?�
�Am I being taken advantage of?�
�Can I trust this person?�
�Why should I trust this person?�
�Can I trust anyone?�
Such a life was filled with nothing but questions that were always changing
and shifting, that there was no hope for a permanent answer. There was no such
thing as a concrete �yes� or �no.�
Those who managed to earn a high ranking or position in their village or
organizations often found themselves plagued endlessly
by such thoughts and feelings. Most had no families or few close friends, for
the fear of someone they trust stabbing them in the back is too great for them
to ever risk that manner of relationship with others.
It was a painfully lonely existence.
But being embroiled in delusions had its beneficial effects to those who
were willing to manipulate the malleable.
Orochimaru is a prime example of someone who was more than willing to twist
those who could only be described as lost or broken or alone, to his own needs.
One need only look at the various young men and women that often threw their
lives away for someone who was clearly a monster caring nothing for their
sanity and wellbeing.
It was a sadly simple process, one of which individuals like Orochimaru had
become well versed in during the many wars and campaigns that he had fought for
Konoha.
He knew through personal experience, that those who suffered the worst
wounds, the kind that were so deeply intertwined into their very being, made
for the greatest of warriors.
And the most easily manipulated.
All he had to do was offer the possibility of the one thing that many of
these individuals had been denied in their short lives:
Acceptance.
Acceptance for they could do.
Acceptance for all that they couldn�t do.
Acceptance for all the little things that made them
unique as individuals; be it good or bad.
Most of the time, Orochimaru discovered, all it took was a kind word, a pat
on the back, promise of rescue from a horrible life and he�d have whomever he
helped follow him like an affection starved puppy.
Of course, there were occasions where he had to change his tactics in other
to get to the person that he wanted to, but those instances were few and far
between.
Orochimaru often found that he could get the discarded children of the
various shinobi clans of the different countries to join him; bastard children,
those born of leaders and their various concubines, members of branch houses
who ran away from lives of slavery, orphans, the abandoned children of missing nin and more. Most were beaten down, physically, mentally
and emotionally, until there was nothing left but a yearning for everything
that they were denied at their birth by the cruelty of society. Others were
cast out, forced to live in the streets and fend for themselves since their
earliest memories.
They were often so starved of affection, that the mere possibility of
something better than the hellish lives that they had been forced into had them
running to him.
Word of his �compassion� towards those who were declared outcasts had, over
time, spread far and wide and soon enough; people came to him in droves in
search of sanctuary.
It was easy pickings.
But perhaps the greatest tragedy was that even though many went to
Orochimaru, in time, all learned of the demon in human skin that he was; they stayed.
After witnessing that the others that sought a good life with their venerated
Orochimaru had no true value to him, that they were nothing to him, they
stayed.
After seeing that they were to be used and discarded much like a blade after
becoming too dull or sharp, they stayed.
After hearing the tortured screams of their comrades as they were used for
experiment after experiment, they stayed.
Because deep in their hearts�
In their souls�
Each person that had become enamored by the pretty words and rose-colored
fantasy world that he presented to them held desperately to the belief that they
meant more to their beloved leader than all the others; that theirs was
the existence that was treasured by Orochimaru.
Their beliefs, the deep pervading hope that had allowed them to survive
their hellish existences for so long, were so strong that their obvious fate
never filtered through in time for them to save themselves.
Sadly though, Orochimaru was only one of a very long line of
individuals who was more than willing to play with the hearts and minds of
others.
And there were masters far crueler than he.
------
Jiraiya grimaced as he and Naruto marched steadily under the unforgiving sun
of the desert. He wistfully gazed back in the direction from which they came
and saw the lush forests of Hi no Kuni, where the sun
didn�t feel like it was about to melt you into a smoldering pile of ninjutsu wielding goo.
As he felt the sun burn his skin, not unlike the time Tsunade tried to set
him aflame in his younger, more lecherous, days for attempting to cop a feel.
He took a moment to reflect on just how much he hated to travel to Suna.
Admittedly there were few things in this world that Jiraiya disliked very
few things actually, which was surprising considering the rather long and gory
career he made for himself as a shinobi. By nature he was rather easy going and
took pleasure in many of the small boons that life saw fit to grant him.
Things that many of his peers took for granted, like sex in all in its
perverse and wondrous incarnations.
But apart from his love (and lust) for life, there were some things that the
Sannin wasn�t fond of were:
1. Bras, it was his opinion that women should show their bosoms freely.
2. Panties, another portion of a woman�s anatomy that shouldn�t be
concealed.
3. The wearing of Bras and Panties.
And somewhere really, really low on his list of things he hated (after all
the things that had to do with bras, panties, bras and panties and so on
was: The desert.
So while it wasn�t at the absolute top of his �Things I Really, Really Hate�
list, it should be noted that as one of the top three, the desert still
garnered an unenviable amount of dislike from the Gama Sannin.
To him, there was absolutely nothing sexy about sand�unless there was a
beach and some rather buxom women near it, but alas here there was nothing but
the hard unforgiving landscape of the desert. There was also the fact that many
of the denizens that called the barren lands their home often dressed up in a
manner that would make a nun feel like an underdressed whore. Even if it was
for necessity, to protect their bodies from the sand, biting wind and sun, he
still mourned the exposure of lovely flesh.
Worst of all, he was traveling across the desert with the brat because the Kazekage, whom he thought was a creepy little brat, wanted
to give his brat the hairy eyeball while he gave him information on the
Akatsuki.
This had to be the first time that he ever had to accede to the demands of
another in order to get the information that he needed. Jiraiya was immensely
proud of his spy networks, the many years of hard work that he put into it,
apparent in the relative ease that he was able to get very hard to find
information with relative ease. But that wasn�t to say that he wouldn�t do what
he needed to do to get the information that he needed.
And although it wounded his pride to have his networks fail him, Jiraiya
couldn�t help but wonder if perhaps the Kazekage
hadn�t had a hand in that.
Subaku no Gaara was the youngest Kazekage in the history of Sunagakure,
as well as the youngest Kage of all the elemental
nations. And regardless of the chatter of those that still despised him, his
appointment had little to do with the fact that he was the Jinchuuriki
of Shukaku.
Gaara was a very powerful shinobi and a brilliant one as well once the cloud
of insanity around him had dissipated after his encounter with Naruto, and
quite unexpectedly one hell of a schemer when properly motivated.
Apparently his bratty apprentice was the red head�s �motivation� and the
Sannin was pretty sure that he had a good idea as to why.
Jiraiya didn�t like the fact that he�d been outsmarted by some little
pervert in Kage�s clothing. It cut his pride as a
ninja and a pervert, in a way that he wasn�t entirely comfortable with. But
pride had nothing to do with being a shinobi, so he decided to go with it and see
what the esteemed Kazekage had.
Reliable information on Akatsuki was almost impossible to come across these
days and if the Kazekage knew something, then it was
in Konoha�s best interest to do what it took to get
the information.
The older man looked to Naruto out of the corner of his eye, �May as well
let the brat get a feel for what he�s going to have to deal with in the future�
and it was true. It was a foregone conclusion that Naruto, being who he was in
terms of strength, determination and drive, would one day soon become a Sannin
at the very least, much to his sensei�s pride.
And it meant that he was going to have to deal with all manner of
individuals; ranging from stoic to manic to prudish to horny. In this case
Naruto was going to have to deal with a stoic and horny Kage.
For a brief moment, he wondered if Naruto had caught on that he was
essentially being pimped off for information.
Most likely not.
Though he adored the boy as though he were his own and recognized that the
blonde was a very competent ninja in his own right, said blonde being one of
the few people that he could fight on even ground, Naruto was as dumb as a post
when it came to noticing the affections that people held for him.
�Perhaps it�s for the best�the brat will never stop whining and screaming if
he discovers just how much certain people like him,� images of Naruto
running out of Suna and Konoha screaming into the
wilderness, never to return, came to mind and he had to fight the urge to
chuckle at the thought, �Although it would be fun to watch.�
As they continued their trek, Jiraiya�s good humor faded as the sun rose to
its midday position and he groaned as it seemed to get even hotter in the past
few minutes.
�Shit! I can feel myself burn!�
Jiraiya reached into a pocket and pulled out some sun block and began to rub
it all over, hoping that he wasn�t burn too badly.
Naruto peeked at the man through the corner of his eye and had to bite the
inside of his cheek to not burst out laughing at the man�s miserable
expression. He didn�t think that he�d be able to handle traveling with an
agitated Jiraiya across the desert and survive if the man found out that he was
laughing at him.
Jiraiya may be an easy going, filthy old lecher, but that was not to say
that he lacked a sadistic streak. He was both Orochimaru and Tsunade�s
teammate, so it stood to reason that some of their more insane behavior rubbed
off on him One wrong comment and the Sannin would likely bury him up to neck
and leave him there for a long time.
Not a pleasant prospect under any circumstance.
�Hold it in Naruto, hold it in. There is no need to have the pervert go
insane with revenge before we get to Suna.�
As the blonde walked along beside his sensei, his thoughts drifted along to
their current trek to Sunagakure no Sato or rather
the reason that they were making said trek to begin with.
�Akatsuki�� he thought to himself.
It had been almost two years since he had heard any word of them. The
organization seemingly disappeared off the face of the earth after numerous
failed attempts to capture him.
Confusion reigned supreme for a long time.
Naruto remembered walking around in an almost paranoid stupor for a few
months. He jumped at every rustling bush, peeked around at every corner,
suspected everyone and thing; expecting a cloaked figure to come up and snatch
him away to what was sure to be an incredibly painful demise. After a while, he
realized that he was being pretty stupid having reasoned to himself that had
they really wanted the fox, they would have just taken him in the countless
moments that he was alone with no one around to defend him.
Mentally, it was one hell of a place to be before he was able to acknowledge
that.
The blonde would be the first person to admit that he was scared. Scared of
the people that could do so much harm to him with so little effort, yet in the
same breath, having to compliment their skills and acknowledge that they could
likely to do him as they please if they decided to come after him. And that was
considering all of the training that he had done under the perverted Sannin�s tutelage. Naruto had the fox as his trump card if
things got hairy, but Akatsuki had numbers that could do much to even out the
advantage, not to mention that many of the members were experts in numerous
areas, Fuuinjutsu being one of the areas that they
specialized in, what with their ability to suck out Biju.
Acknowledging that as difficult as it was proved to be surprisingly
cathartic though. Naruto, though normally an optimist, was by manner and
experience was a pragmatist of the highest order and didn�t like to brood over
things that he that weren�t in his direct locus of control.
Nothing that was too different from his daily life, when he thought about
it.
So a bunch of people wanted him dead for nothing more than the demon within
him.
Frankly they could take a fucking number and get in line with all the other
people that wanted his balls on a pointy stick for nothing more than the fact
that he was the Jinchuuriki for the Kyuubi no Yoko.
There was nothing more for him to do at that point but to go along with his
daily life.
And so he was able to breathe again.
The first few months of no Akatsuki had been very pleasant. It allowed him
to focus on a few goals that had always been just out of reach for the sheer
fact that he normally had to leave the period for unspecified durations of time
to either train or hide or both.
He�d been able to become a Jounin, much to the dismay of his former
teammates Sasuke and Sakura, the former having his shinobi license permanently
revoked due to his short-lived attempt to defect to the murderer of the
Sandaime, and the latter not being able to rise above Gennin due to her
unwillingness to work with other shinobi who viewed the Uchiha as the scum from
the bottom of their sandal. Naruto had stopped worrying for them though. He had
kept his promise to return the Uchiha; he was bound to neither any longer.
Naruto refused to be their punching bag ever again.
Thinking of any of their past interactions had Naruto pondering the age old
adage of, �How many times do you have to bash your head against a brick wall to
tell that it hurts?�
So he decided, after much heartache, to let them go. It hurt too much to
care for either one of them. It hurt to much to try
and help them heal. It hurt too much to be the one that was blamed for
everything. Surprisingly, it hurt most to cut himself
loose.
Perhaps it was because he had initially hoped that Team 7 would become the
family that he never had and when it turned out badly he felt his heart crack.
He remembered the day that he was assigned to the team. Naruto had never been
happier. After everything that he had went through, he was no longer alone. He
had become a part of a team and even though they didn�t get along too well in
the academy, Naruto had been certain that they would grow to be friends.
But it didn�t turn out that way.
Instead of growing closer, they grew more apart, more divided with every
danger and trial; Naruto on one end of the spectrum and Sasuke (with Sakura
following) on the other. The greatest example of their growing division had
been the decision to exclude him from the knowledge of the cursed seal that
Orochimaru had implanted on Sasuke.
Naruto knew for a fact that had anyone on any of the other teams had such a
thing done to them, their teammates would be told and they would share that
burden and protect each other from harm. They wouldn�t leave one of their own
ignorant in the face of such an extreme danger. As Sasuke�s rage fed the seal
on him, perverting him into a sick shell of the broody yet loyal boy he once
knew, Sakura kept her mouth shut, not wanting to do anything that would
jeopardize whatever feelings she believed the boy had for her.
Naruto wasn�t aware that there was anything seriously wrong until the third
half of the Chuunin exams when he saw the symbols
themselves and even then the suspicions weren�t confirmed until he cornered
Kakashi about them after the retrieval mission.
The jounin had the balls to admit that he should have told the blonde about
it earlier and apologized for not telling the blonde earlier. Kakashi, going by
his experiences with teams, had thought that Sakura or Sasuke had told the
blonde about the seal. But that was not so and because of this omission of
truth, the division, the pain caused by the betrayal of the boy that he
considered very dear to his battered heart, the bonds that barely held the
gennin together as a team were broken.
And even after all of that, thedecision to leave
had been the hardest thing of all to come to.
Because that meant that the dream of family that was born from their
assignment could never become a reality.
In time, he felt better about it. The weight of Sasuke�s rage and depression
and Sakura�s frustrations and insecurities bore down on him greatly before.
Both often projected the feelings to the blonde and took out their issues on
him.
Now he could breathe freely and walk without feeling that hellish
weight on his back.
He was free.
As Naruto progressed in rank and started going on missions, he managed to
attain some of the amenities that he had always wanted.
He was able to upgrade his barely livable apartment to a much larger and
nicer place, much better than what he had been forced to live in for the vast
majority of his life, through no fault of either himself or the Sandaime. The
apartment that he grew up in was not much aesthetically but it was one of the
safest places that the Sandaime could find in close distance to both the Hokage
tower and the ANBU headquarters. And while it wasn�t safe all the time,
it was definitely a hell of a lot better than if he had been forced to live at
the village orphanage or even out on the streets.
He was sure that in either scenario, he would be dead by now.
In the time after his promotion, he had found that he was able to enjoy
living rather than just existing and getting by which was how he
had been forced to live all his life.
It was nice.
Naruto enjoyed his home and his career and before he knew it a year had past
and there was still no sign of Akatsuki. Some more time had past and a few
months later, there was still no Akatsuki and while the blonde was not one to
look a gift horse in the mouth so to speak, he wanted to know why they
weren�t after him any longer.
It ate at him in a manner in such a manner that he had to do something about
it and if that meant looking for Akatsuki then so be it, he�d go looking for
them.
He began his search for them by carefully examining the spy networks that he
had helped Jiraiya establish in his first expedition with the older man only to
find nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
No sightings, no rumors, no weird things going on, the remaining Jinchuuriki
from the other villages were fine and hadn�t heard a thing about the
organization either.
It was as though Akatsuki had dropped off the face of the earth.
The blonde had gone to Jiraiya and had the sannin look into it to no avail.
Jiraiya wasn�t able to find a single shred of information on Akatsuki as well
and he was the greatest spymaster that Konoha had ever had.
Both men reported their findings, or lack or, to Tsunade and the three of
them pondered for a good many days on what to do. The only course of action
that they could take was to keep an ear out to their sources and to wait.
Naruto hated waiting.
As did both the Toad Sannin and Slug Princess, but they did what they had to
do so they did so.
Time passed and in time, Naruto managed to forget for a few brief moments
that Akatsuki existed. It really was nice not to have to worry about them just
popping out of a dark corner and dragging him away to his total and utter doom.
But all good things must come to an end and a few weeks short of two years
since the reported sign of Akatsuki, Gaara the now Kazekage
of Sunagakure, had sent word that he had some very
interesting information on Akatsuki
The blonde couldn�t help but wonder what Gaara had managed to learn.
He had no doubts that the red head had managed to find something, Gaara
wouldn�t have bothered to send word that he had any sort of information unless
he had verified what he learned and was certain that it was something that
would interest Konoha, most especially Naruto.
�Knowing Gaara�ah who the hell knows?!� Naruto whined inwardly.
�Oi brat, stop thinking so hard, I can practically
smell the smoke from here!�
The younger shinobi turned and glared at the sannin, his left eye ticking in
annoyance, �Like you have the right to say that when I can smell about 200 lbs
of decaying pervert roasting in the sun!�
Silence reigned momentarily as Naruto just processed what he just said, �What in the hell just came out of my mouth?!?!�
�BRAT!!�
The blonde did as any other person in his situation would and ran for his
life straight to Suna with an enraged Jiraiya
rocketing after him, Rasengan in hand ready to murder his godson.
------
Kankuro yawned tiredly as he watched the barren horizon of the surrounding
desert, the young jounin more than glad that his shift was almost over. The
attempted abduction of Gaara by the Akatsuki resulted in the deaths of many
ninja and the recovery process had been a slow one. For one thing, Suna was the smallest of all the hidden villages and didn�t
have a surplus of ninja that they could use to replace their fallen comrades,
so it took a long time in order to wait for the remaining ninja to rise in rank
or for new batches of gennin to graduate and fill in the gaps left by their
deceased comrades.
That left the remaining ninja, Chunin and Jounin, who weren�t badly injured
regularly pulling double duty on missions and patrol in the like.
As the he resisted the urge to nod off, something in the horizon caught his
attention. A golden blur was kicking up a giant dust cloud and rocketing
towards the village at an inhuman rate of speed with a white blur was slowly
catching up to it.
Kankuro was about to call an alert at the odd disturbance when he heard,
�BRAT!! SLOW DOWN SO I CAN KILL YOU!!� and �HELL NO ERO-SANNIN!!! �
The puppeteer snorted at the spectacle that was the Gama Sannin Jiraiya and
his apprentice Uzumaki Naruto. He then turned to the ninja standing beside him,
openly gawking at the scene that the two Konoha ninja made, �Kai, go inform the
Kazekage that his guests are arriving.�
Kai, started at Kankuro�s voice slightly before nodding and going.
Kankuro looked out into the desert to see Naruto avoiding the man behind him
like the plague, �At least things won�t be boring for a while.�
------
A/N: Sorry that it took so long for this chapter to come out, but I
like writing longer chapters 4000+ words and when you take into account going
to University full time, ADHD, sporadic employment, writers block and neighbors
that refuse to turn the music down at 2 a.m. under pain of death�.well it
hasn�t been coming up roses to say the least. I really wanted to give you guys
something to read, since you've all been so wonderful.
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Dreams (or Delusions of the Cursed)