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Shotaiken	By : mischiefmaker Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1227 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
A/N: I haven�t
forgotten about this. I�ve just been distracted. Gotta
go where the muses tell me to, ya know. Thanks
everyone for the great reviews and reminder emails. ^__^ I do very much
appreciate them and hope to not take as long with the next chapter.

Disclaimer: I do
not own Naruto, and unfortunately, that includes Kakashi�s sexy ass.

Shotaiken
Chapter 2: A Try at Acceptance

�A shinobi must keep
emotions on the inside no matter what the situation. You must make the mission
top priority, and you must possess a heart that never shows tears.� � shinobi
saying #25

Sakura awoke to the churning of her stomach, the aching of
her head, and the stinging of her eyes. Sweat was pouring out of her, and the
room felt like it had turned on its axis and was spinning out of control.

She didn�t make it to the bathroom before her stomach began
emptying itself.

When it was over, as she was hovering shakily over the
bathroom sink rinsing her mouth out, she flooded her body with healing chakra
to stave off the next wave of nausea she felt coming. Or
tried to anyway. The chakra just wasn�t behaving the way it normally did.
It took a few minutes, but eventually she felt�well, not okay, but at least she wasn�t going to erupt into a spewing mess
again. She grabbed some towels and went back to her room.

Sakura had to turn the light on to see and for the first
time noticed the sun had set while she was sleeping. �How long was I out?� she
wondered aloud as she dropped the towels over the mess, content just to let
them soak it up for the time being, and made her way to the window. The sky
still had a few pink-tinted clouds scattered among the couple of stars that
were beginning to appear. Normally, she�d be eating around this time.

Inner Sakura snorted derisively. �I�m not eating anything
tonight!�

She walked back over to the vomit-soaked towels and with a
foot, slid them around to clean up the stray drops that had been missed before
bending over to pick them up. The smell that wafted up with them was almost
enough to make her start gagging all over again.

�Oh no,� she groaned, taking a deep breath, and quickly
carried the towels at arm�s length to the bathroom. After dropping them in the
sink to be dealt with later, she grabbed the air freshener and sprayed it
generously all over her room. The floor really needed to be mopped, but feeling
the way she did, she decided that it, too, could wait until later. Or tomorrow. Whatever.

Sakura felt drained both physically and emotionally. Numb. She
lied back down on the futon and allowed her thoughts to drift back over the
past twelve hours.

�This�� sucks,
Inner Sakura finished, �but it isn�t the end of the world. No one�s going to die, we�re not going to war. And Tsunade-sama
really is trying to help me.�

Rationalizing away her worries probably wasn�t the best way
to tackle things - she was quite justified in being pissed off actually - but
it did help, albeit marginally. The urge to cry was no longer there at least. The
situation itself still angered her to no end, though.

�I really am just a tool of the village. We all are.�

She sighed. That certainly wasn�t news to her � Kakashi
himself had told them as much that day at the graves of Zabuza
and the masked boy � but being slapped in the face with this new qualifier just
reinforced the fact.

�Kakashi-sensei,� she groaned, remembering their
conversation at the pub. �Of all the things that could�ve happened�� Her head
fell into her hands as she shook it in disbelief.

�He knows! He
knows all of it. I showed him the scroll. I told him�� Her eyes grew incredibly
wide as she replayed the events in her head. �I told him I�d considered him!! Which means he
knows that I had thought about him like that. At least long enough to consider.� The
room spun, and she thought for a moment she might throw up again.

Two deep, cleansing breaths later, Sakura�s body was back under
control, and she was back to her tirade.

�What am I supposed to say next time I see him? �Oh hey,
sorry �bout that day at the pub, but at least I didn�t try to jump you!� Yeah,
that�d go over really well,� she snorted. �Oh no. And
then I whined, whined like a little
kid. He�ll never take me seriously as a shinobi now.�

Again, she was forced to take several deep breaths to keep
herself from hyperventilating.

�Okay. He didn�t freak out on me. That�s a good thing,
right? He did seem a little uncomfortable, but I would hope that would make him uncomfortable! Maybe it won�t be so bad.
Maybe he�ll act like nothing ever happened. I was drunk after all. I can�t be
held too responsible, right?�

She was trying so very hard to convince herself, but sadly,
her denial just wasn�t as strong as her common sense.

�Ugh, maybe I should just avoid him for another couple of
years. Hopefully he�ll have forgotten about it by then.�

Sakura closed her eyes and began rubbing her temples.

�Freaking out isn�t helping anything right now,� she told
herself. �It�s Kakashi-sensei, for crying out loud! He reads hentai walking through town. I�m sure stranger things have
happened to him than last night. Besides, he didn�t really seem upset once I
explained things. And he was rather matter-of-fact about my� task.�

Her face fell at that. Apparently it was nothing out of the
ordinary for teenage girls to serve their village that way. Sakura�s thoughts turned to the kunoichi
in Konoha. There weren�t as many as the male shinobi, but there were still a fair number of them.

Tsunade-sama, Shizune-san,
Kurenai-sensei, and Anko-san
were all jounin. It was safe to say they�d all been
through it, along with many, many others, and yet, they were proud to be shinobi. They didn�t quit over the few distasteful areas
that came with that title.

Sakura sighed as she stared up at the ceiling, having the
distinct feeling that this was one of
those moments she�d heard people talk about. ��Life moves ahead whether you
want it to or not. The least you can do is take charge
and make things happen the way you want instead of sitting back pretending that
life isn�t happening to you.� Was
this what you had in mind when we had that talk, dad?� she asked the air around
her with a sarcastic laugh.

Her eyes then shifted, settling on the picture of team seven
on her nightstand. Her teammates were scowling at each other as they almost
always did. One had gone to a madman for power, while the other trained to
bring him back despite the fact that Sasuke had
almost killed him.

�We lost our innocence some time ago, didn�t we?�

A sad smile graced her lips as she ran her thumb over the
frame before reaching over to her bag. Sakura pulled out the scroll Tsunade had given her and with one last sigh, began looking
over its contents.

�Whoa! Kakashi-sensei was right.
It really is detailed!� A blush crept across the tops of her cheeks as she
continued to read. Could she really do that?
Yes, she decided with a resolution she didn�t quite feel, she would.

Her mind began to drift from the contents of the scroll to
the males in her life. Someone was going to have to fill this particular roll
with her. It was time to try a few out mentally, she supposed, grimacing
slightly.

Sasuke was gone. �Not that I
really had a chance in hell of that happening anyway,� she snorted. �If it were
for the sake of a mission, though�� No, she scolded herself. There was no point
in thinking like that. He defected; it was possible she might never see him
again.

�Besides, the last time I saw him, I declared my love for
him, and he said, �Thank you,� and left me unconscious on a bench. Thank you?!
What the hell kind of reply is that anyway?� she grumbled.

Naruto - and the idea of being intimate with him was still
not one she really liked, but at least she trusted him not to hurt her or be a
dick afterwards or anything - was still training with Jiraiya-sama.
No one knew when they�d be returning. Not to mention the fact that she knew he
had some sort of feelings for her. It would be unfair for her to ask that of
him, getting his hopes up in the process, when she didn�t want a relationship
from him.

�Again, not here,�
she growled to herself. �Let�s move along to some actual choices, shall we?�

Shikamaru, and he� well, he was
next on the list anyway, since they crossed paths rather often at Hokage tower and had developed a bit of a rapport in the
past couple of years. The problem was that he was sort of but not really
attached to the fearsome kunoichi from the sand village. �Who is already a jounin,� her brain added. It was likely he�d been a guinea
pig of sorts already, but yeah, maybe taken. Hmm.

The other boys she had gone to the academy with she didn�t really
have feelings for one way or the other. Sure, they weren�t total strangers, but
they were little more than acquaintances. As far as she was concerned, they barely ranked higher than strangers.

Sakura almost mourned the fact that she�d never had the
chance to get to know Hyuuga Neji,
because he was just as hot as Sasuke-kun. Oh,
yeah! Inner Sakura whole-heartedly agreed. Though she was regretful to
admit there was something mildly disconcerting about the white-eyed genius. Like the fact that he can see parts of you
you�ll never see, and he doesn�t have to take your clothes off to do it?
Inner Sakura added. Yeah, that.

Lee? No. Not a chance in HELL. He was very sweet and caring
and chivalrous and trustworthy and everything she should want in a candidate. Unfortunately, she might be able to
ignore his eccentricities enough to return his friendship, but she wasn�t about
to get within 100 meters of him without his horrible, green jumpsuit on. It had
nothing to do with his looks either. It came down to
the fact that his level of devotion downright scared her. She had the sinking suspicion that if she were to
proposition him, the first thing he�d do would be to run and ask her parents
for permission to marry her. And that was the last thing she wanted to be thinking about right now, she decided
with a shudder.

And Kakashi-sensei. �I can�t
believe I told him I�d considered him!� The idea made her want to implode. �I
am never drinking again. Ever.�

Her thoughts stayed on him, though. What she�d said was true.
She was comfortable with him, and interestingly enough could see herself doing this with him. The idea almost made her
laugh at the same time. It was so weird. She was just a little girl to him, and
really, age differences usually freaked her out something fierce. But there was
just something different about it when it came to him. Maybe it was his slouch
and his lazy, aloof demeanor in non-battle situations or the fact that other
than his extensive fighting experience, he didn�t really feel much older than herself. Well, most
of the time anyway, she thought, admitting that even he had his moments. Maturity
truly was an interesting thing.

And maybe, just maybe, it had a tiny bit to do with the way he
was a lean and graceful man of few words, just like a certain someone she could
name. �Hmm, maybe that�s just the type of guy I go for,� she wondered before
quickly shaking her head of the thought.

But it was hard to ignore the nagging inner voice that kept
insisting that really, considering the purpose of all this, did any of that
matter? She wasn�t looking for a boyfriend � try as she might, she wasn�t quite
ready to let go of Sasuke just yet � just someone to
help her take the next step of her training and not turn into a slobbering
stalker afterwards. Who would be better suited for such a task than her
emotionally-detached, previous sensei?

Who happens to be the
biggest pervert in all of Konoha, Inner Sakura added enthusiastically. You know he could show you things that Tsunade-sama wouldn�t dare put in that scroll! Sakura
blushed again.

�Okay, this is totally warped,� she admonished. �I shouldn�t
even be thinking about him. I need to find someone who�s actually willing.�

But again, she was right back where she started. She could
easily find someone willing, but there were only a small handful of people
she�d be comfortable enough with to even ask to do such a thing, only two of
which were currently residing in Konoha.

Sighing, she considered Shikamaru
again. If he and Temari were only casually seeing each
other, would the fan-wielding kunoichi still try to kill her? Were they even
seeing each other? It was just a rumor after all. If so, would he be willing to
keep it from the deadly blonde?

She groaned. No, she would most definitely not ask him to cheat on his girlfriend
and keep it from her. She wasn�t that selfish. But if they
weren�t seeing each other� She made a mental note to be nosy and find
out.

~*~

The next morning, after
she finished cleaning the messes she left in her bedroom and the bathroom that
is, Sakura reported as usual to the Hokage�s office for
training and to �help out as needed� as Tsunade had
once described. It wasn�t as bad as it sounded really. Most of it was just
organizing and paperwork, but occasionally, she got to assist with surgeries at
the hospital. True, it was actually part of her training, but it was a hell of
a lot better than practicing on fish or healing surface wounds.

Reaching her destination, she found the blonde at her desk
nursing a nasty hangover. For a fleeting moment, Sakura wondered if it was the
result of their meeting the day before. The idea was rather endearing, but then
logic slapped her upside the head, making her snort inwardly. Since when did Tsunade-sama need a reason to drink?

�Morning,� she greeted softly as she made her way to the
desk at the far end of the office. �What did you want me to start on first
today?�

Tsunade forced a smile and pointed
to a stack of scrolls on a nearby table. �I have some new surgical techniques I
want you to read up on, so you can start practicing them tomorrow.�

Sakura couldn�t help but smile. �I�ll get right on it,� she
replied excitedly as she began to gather up the scrolls intent on taking them
to the unused office around the corner that she�d unofficially claimed as the Haruno Sakura study area. It worked out good really, since
she technically didn�t have clearance to be privy to most of the Hokage�s meetings but also didn�t have to go all the way
home only to come trudging all the way back each time she got stuck on
something.

Sakura was almost to the door when, as an afterthought (or
so she hoped it appeared anyway,) she turned and asked, �Oh, Tsunade-sama, is Shikamaru
expected to stop by for mission assignment today?�

The Hokage looked at her intently,
and Sakura wondered if it was because she was digging into village business or
if the blonde already suspected her motives. �He is,� she finally answered in a
bland tone.

�Oh, good. Would you mind sending
him down the hall afterward? I need to speak to him.� She tried to be
nonchalant about it. �Don�t fidget and don�t look away, damn it!� her mind
screamed, but it was hard to stand up to Tsunade�s
scrutiny. She was made Hokage for a reason, after
all.

Luckily, she didn�t have to wait long. The older woman rested
her chin on her interlaced hands and, with raised brow, replied simply, �As you
wish.�

And with that, Sakura slinked off before her mentor could
ask her any questions she probably already knew the answers to.

~*~

A few hours later found Sakura elbow-deep in scrolls with
the eraser end of a pencil in her mouth as she tried to recall the sequence of
steps to repairing a punctured lung when Shikamaru
appeared in the doorway.

�You wanted to see me?�

She jumped and disrupted the balance of some of the scrolls
on the table, sending a few of them crashing to the floor.

�Shikamaru!
You startled me,� she laughed nervously, hiding the chewed up pencil amongst
the rest of the clutter.

�Sorry. Guess I could�ve knocked, but the door was wide
open,� he said, nodding toward the door in question; his expression told her he
thought the idea was clearly troublesome. �What�s going on?�

�Oh. I�m just doing a little reading.� She tried to smile;
this was perpetually bored, old-man-in-a-teenager�s-body Shika.
They�d had dozens of conversations just like this. There was no reason for this
one to feel different. It shouldn�t feel different. Why did it have to feel different?

�A little?� he asked, eyeing the mess on the table before
him.

Sakura shrugged awkwardly.

�So�� he drawled and rocked back and forth on his heels,
hands stuffed in his pockets. �You need me for something?�

�Oh!� she exclaimed, suddenly realizing why he was looking
at her expectantly. �Um. No, not really. I was just
wondering if you would mind having lunch with me?�

He shrugged. �Can you go now? I have to be somewhere in an
hour.�

�Sure, just let me pick things up first.�

A few minutes later, the pair was sitting side by side at a
food stand a few blocks away.

�So, how�ve you been? I haven�t seen you around lately,�
Sakura asked before taking a bite of her rice.

�Well, they keep me busy with missions most of the time.�

�Yeah, Tsunade-sama�s a slave
driver. I wouldn�t know what to do with myself if I had a whole weekend off,�
she commented before taking another bite. It wasn�t an entire truth, but it was
close enough. Burying herself in work hadn�t helped her forget that her
teammates were gone unfortunately. She squashed the thought and, getting back
to the conversation, swallowed nervously. �I�d be a terrible ninja if let this
opportunity pass,� she told herself. �Just ask. Get it out and over with.� She
took a deep breath. �Soooo, if you�re gone so much, I
guess that doesn�t leave much time for you and Temari-san,
huh?�

He gave her a sideways glance before answering. �She�s not
my girlfriend.�

�Oooh, so far so
good.� Inner Sakura was thrusting her fist in the air and yelling, Score! �I didn�t say she was, but you
guys seem to be together anytime she comes to Konoha
which is quite often, I�ve noticed,� she replied with a devious smile. �Come
on. You can tell me. She�s after you, right?�

�Gossip? Sakura, I thought you�d be
above that.� She was very thankful his voice sounded amused instead of annoyed.

�Phooey, it�s not gossip when it�s from the source! Besides,
I�m not like Ino-pig who�d spread it all over the
village in an hour. I was just curious.� She mentally patted herself on the
back for making it sound so inconsequential. �Now if he�ll just talk for once without
me having to drag it out of him.�

He lazily took another bite of his food before finally
giving her some sort of an answer. �It�s�. complicated. When she�s here, she
wants to spend time with me, but we�re not really together.�

�Except when you are?� Sakura supplied,
trying to grasp what he meant.

Shikamaru nodded. �It�s too troublesome to try to
categorize.�

�Yeah,� she agreed as she stared down at her plate. It
really wasn�t making a lot of sense to her yet. It sounded casual, but there
was something in the way he spoke of it that...

�So why�d you really ask me to lunch?� His direct question
interrupted her thoughts, and Sakura found herself
unable to come up with a lie, instead responding with the first thing that came
to mind.

�What?�

�You could�ve found all that out from Ino, so why come to me
when we�ve never been particularly close?�

�Because this is hard enough without being subjected to her
teasing,� her mind answered. He was watching her again, and she had the
distinct feeling he was analyzing every little twitch. It made her wish she
could just disappear into the background. Sakura instead waved a hand
dismissively and hoped he�d buy her response.

�Bah! You know how she is. She�d just tell me some wild
story. I mean, have you heard some of
the rumors going around? Some of them are quite colorful, and I don�t doubt she
started half of them just to annoy you,� she chuckled.

Shikamaru gave her a bored look.
�Troublesome is the word I�d use, but yes. And it�s hard not to notice when
everyone you know brings them up at every chance.�

Sakura winced. �Sorry,� she replied, giving him an
apologetic look.

He shrugged and made a noncommittal noise. �I suppose it�s
natural that everyone finds it amusing. Luckily, Temari
does, too.�

�Oh yeah? Which one�s her favorite?
Mine was the one where she threatened those girls in the bathroom during the last
chuunin exam when she overheard them talking about
you.� Sakura grinned widely over her chopsticks.

�Hn,� Shikamaru
nodded. He looked at her a moment as if deciding something before he picked up
another bite of food. �That one actually happened.�

Having no response for that, Sakura let an uncomfortable
silence settle between them as she instead focused her attention on her food.

�Have you heard from Naruto lately?�
he finally asked. She was thankful for the subject change, although a better
subject would�ve been nice.

�No,� she sighed as her shoulders slumped slightly. �He
wrote me once. About a year ago.� Smiling to herself,
she shook her head. �It was little more than him griping about how much worse the
�perverted hermit� was than Kakashi-sensei.�

�That sounds about right,� he replied with an almost-amused
snort.

�Yeah.� She smiled at the thought
of her noisy teammate making a nuisance of himself
when he felt neglected. She hated to admit just how much she missed that.

Silence fell between them once again, but this time it was a
more companionable one.

~*~

As she headed back toward Hokage tower after Shikamaru excused himself on the grounds of needing to go
to some �troublesome thing,� Sakura mentally ran through her options once again.
�Shika�s a big NO!� she thought with a frown. Best
case scenario was that Temari liked screwing with
people�s heads thereby fueling the active rumor flames. It wasn�t a situation
the pink-haired kunoichi wanted to come anywhere near.
And that�s not even bothering to consider the worst case scenario which was
just as bad as she imagined it could be.

That meant her only options were the boys she didn�t really
know all that well. She sighed as she kicked a rock and winced when it lodged
in the side of a nearby building.

Neji was about as approachable
as�. Well, she couldn�t quite figure out what to liken his demeanor to. Shino
was just creepy. Kiba� Kiba had that wild, hyperactive nature that kind of
reminded her of Naruto. She grinned slightly at the thought.

Kiba, she decided, was a feasible option. Akamaru was going
to have to stay outside, though!

~*~

Sakura was once again elbow-deep in medical scrolls in the
spare office down the hall from the Hokage when another
visitor surprised her. This one, however, she had not been expecting. Nor was
it anyone she wanted to see at that
point.

�Kakashi-sensei, what brings you
here?� Outwardly, she only looked slightly uncomfortable. Inner Sakura was
having a mild panic attack, though. Too soon, too soon. Ack! Be cool, damn it!

�Well, I saw this cute little mouse scurrying down the hall,
and I followed it here.�

�Ah, this old game,� she thought fondly, finding herself
wanting to cling to its familiarity in this long day of weirdness. It didn�t
stop her from rolling her eyes, though. �I didn�t fall for your lame excuses even
when I was twelve, you know.�

�Ah, yes. But it was so much fun to tease the three of you.�

She knew he was smiling. Her only response was to make a
face as he took a seat across from her. Sadistic
freak, Inner Sakura huffed.

Slowly, his smile faded, and she found herself once again on
the receiving end of a long, searching gaze. And really, she�d had enough of
them for one day. It immediately put her on the defensive.

�Are you okay?� he finally asked.

�Fine. I slept it off,� Sakura
answered flippantly, and Kakashi watched her another
moment. She met his gaze unflinchingly; irritability had a way of boosting
courage after all. He then seemingly accepted that this was the only answer he
was going to receive, and with a quick nod and a wave, he was gone.

Sakura buried her face in her hands and exhaled loudly.
�What the hell was that?� her mind
screamed. �For Kakashi-sensei of all people to go out of his
way to check on me like I�m some little child�� It made her mind spin
momentarily. �I am the Hokage�s apprentice. I�m not
going to break just because my job got a little more complicated!�

She felt her resolution harden into something she hadn�t
quite felt before, not even when she vowed to help Naruto
bring Sasuke back. Sure, she�d meant the words, but
she could never completely rid herself of that tiny shred of doubt
unfortunately. But this� This was something all her own
with no outside variables to get in her way. She would see this through to the end; Haruno
Sakura was a kunoichi, and she was damn well going to
prove it to everyone!

~*~

TBC
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