Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Soup's On	By : OfFansAndFlames Category: Naruto AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1793 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters mentioned. I make no money on this fiction.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
As Sasuke rummaged through their refrigerator, Naruto sat at the kitchen table perusing Sasuke's anatomy textbook. It was a Sunday morning, and as usual, Itachi wasn't expected home until nightfall, if at all. A pale nose wrinkled in disgust as the sophomore encountered a jar of creamed herring, a couple weeks past expiration. As if the food weren't insufferable enough in its prime. He moved over the trashcan, stepping on the lever and swinging up the lid.
Naruto snapped, interjecting, "Hey, what is it my eyes are seeing right now? Are you throwing away perfectly good food? Because that would be positively, absolutely messed up."
Sasuke shook his head.
"You don't want this. It's expired. Nothing good or perfect about it."
Naruto snickered, looking thoroughly unimpressed.
"…Sasuke, I've eaten week-old food out of dumpsters. I picked around the mold. I can handle anything."
The Uchiha shook his head, sliding the jar over to Naruto.
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
The other male stuck his tongue out, taking an extra large, juicy bite of fish just to spite his lover. See, he could handle anything.
This was followed by several unflattering coughs, then a few choking noises. Naruto grasped the edges of the table, his knuckles white. He quickly spit the mushed up fish onto his napkin. Sexy.
"Jesus! What the hell is this stuff? I...I think I'm gonna be sick."
Naruto began to gag, doubling over the table. Sasuke only smirked in return, unsympathetic to the blond's turmoil.
"That's what you get."
Naruto shook his head emphatically, his wily locks bouncing as he did so.
"Nooo, no... Why would anyone ever make such a horrible thing? Ever? Why does this monstrosity even exist?"
"Don't ask me."
Naruto whined, "Sasukeeee..."
"Mn?"
"I'm feelin' a little lonely all of the sudden, why don't you give me a nice, juicy kiss?"
Naruto grabbed Sasuke by his shirt, making loud puckering noises as he pursed his lips for the pursuit. Sasuke flattened his palm into Naruto's forehead, pushing him away and recoiling at the scent of Naruto's breath.
"Like hell I'm kissing you with your nasty herring breath."
"Do not deny the smoldering fire in your pants. How could you resist a face as sexy as mine?"
Naruto stood up, lunging after the raven, who took a few quick steps away.
"No way in hell."
Naruto waggled his brows.
"You mouth says no, but your eyes say yes."
"Get away from me!"
The blond charged up to Sasuke as he was pressed against a wall, roughly lifting his head up and Frenching him. In another situation, this could have actually aroused Sasuke, but it rather nauseated him.
"Ugh! That's fucking rank."
Sasuke coughed, wishing he had somewhere to spit. Naruto laughed, but Sasuke smirked evilly.
"You're dead now."
Naruto's eyes squinted in uncertainty as the Uchiha pushed Naruto back and lunged towards him. Naruto turned on his heel quickly and scurried up the steps, laughing the entire way. Sasuke followed close behind. Naruto slammed the bedroom door open, making a long dive for the bed.
"Sanctuary! Sanctuary!"
"Don't think so."
Sasuke lunged onto the bed, throwing his weight at the blond, who merely rolled his body over and pinned Sasuke down. However, this was only to last for a second, as Sasuke swung Naruto away with a strong arm. Naruto giggled as he kicked his legs playfully.
Sasuke couldn't remember the last time he'd engaged in this sort of horseplay. The two rested on their knees, each fighting to topple the other. Sasuke held back, careful not to injure the other, which ended up being a mistake as Naruto nearly flipped him. Impatience got the best of Sasuke as he slammed Naruto backward, fastening his shoulders into the mattress.
Naruto's laughter halted, and he tried to sit up, only for Sasuke to shove him down again. Sasuke had clearly won, the blond unable to budge. The raven had originally thought that Naruto was being a sore loser. However, Naruto's nails dug into Sasuke's arm painfully, his legs thrashing up. They nearly hit a particularly sensitive spot between Sasuke's legs, which Sasuke was more than relieved that they had missed.
"Get off!" Naruto's tone was urgent.
The Uchiha's movements froze, his mind too distracted by Naruto's sudden panic to react quickly. Where the hell had this come from?
"GET THE FUCK OFF!"
Naruto shielded his face with his palms.
"Stop! Don't!"
Sasuke quickly rolled off of Naruto's body as the blond curled into a fetal position, facing away. He hid behind his hands, his breathing becoming quick and shallow. Bewildered, Sasuke's jaw hung slightly, and all he could think to do was stare. What was going on here? When he reached out to place his hand on Naruto's shoulder, the blond jerked away. Sasuke tried not to feel guilty about triggering this.
This seemed to come out of nowhere, but when Sasuke pondered it, he remembered noting that Naruto startled easily. He would jump when he'd suddenly sense Sasuke behind him. He frequently covered his face in his sleep, and Sasuke wasn't the only one who slept restlessly. He'd originally thought that this was Naruto being a "scaredy cat," but was that really all there was to it?
Naruto's breathing quickened, the blond whimpering as he hyperventilated. He began to claw at his forearms, leaving a criss-cross of angry red marks behind. Sasuke knew what this was. He knew that sometimes, when he was like this, he secretly wanted someone to hold him. However, most of the time, others touching him made him feel like either exploding or disappearing under the floorboards. So Sasuke simply lay down next to him, still present but giving the boy his space. It was so tempting to wrap his arms around him.
"Naruto, focus on my voice," Sasuke spoke calmly and quietly, but firmly.
Naruto seemed to ignore Sasuke at first... Or perhaps he was simply too panicked to notice him.
"It..." Naruto stammered, "It hurts. My heart... 'S... Been happening..."
One hand still hiding his cheeks, the other clenched at his chest. The blond's breathing was quickly accelerating. What could have caused this? Had Sasuke reminded him of something?
"You're having a panic attack. It won't last more than a few minutes. You'll be fine," Sasuke assured.
Naruto nodded with relief, feeling dizzy as his breath got carried away with him. Since these attacks had begun, he had wondered whether there was something physically wrong with him. A heart condition, perhaps? Or maybe he was just crazy. But what he could do about that in his situation? The thought of it being psychological was simultaneously reassuring and humiliating. The periphery of his vision was beginning to blacken. He felt like he was about to pass out, and his hands grew numb and tingly.
Sasuke knew how to deal with these. The first few months after his parents had died, they'd come frequently. Fortunately, he had yet to endure such an embarrassing moment in front of any of his classmates or friends. His brother, however... He had always been so patient and helpful. So Sasuke would do his best to imitate him.
"Breathe with me, slowly. Inhale."
It was difficult for Naruto to do this, but he made his best attempt. His chest felt so tight, like the incoming air had nowhere to go.
"Hold, now exhale."
Sasuke was patient, remembering exactly how his brother's voice sounded, how it had been the only thing that had grounded him to the physical world. Hopefully it would help Naruto just as it had helped him. They ran through this several more times, and Naruto's vision was beginning to return to him as his body was oxygenated. His muscles were still clenched tight, however.
"Nothing's going to hurt you while I'm here. You're safe."
The compassion in Sasuke's words jerked Naruto out of his thoughts, the blond turning to face the other. He had never heard such kindness in Sasuke's voice. Naruto was humiliated to notice his blurred vision and wet cheeks, the teardrops changing course over the thick indentation of his scars. He stared directly into Sasuke's concerned eyes, suddenly feeling every bit as safe as Sasuke said he was. It took a few minutes for his body to follow suit, however.
"I've had these before. I didn't know what it was…" Naruto trailed off. "I just thought I was crazy."
As Sasuke attempted to slowly pet Naruto's forehead, his lover nudged his face closely into him.
"Then you wouldn't be the only one. I get them too," Sasuke frowned as he admitted this. Besides Itachi, no one knew. Sasuke almost regretted his words after they were spoken.
"Really?"
It certainly wasn't that Naruto didn't believe him. It was just very difficult to imagine someone as composed as Sasuke in this sort of distress. Still, the fact that even someone like Sasuke had them… It made Naruto feel a little better.
"Mhm."
Readjusting himself, Naruto lay between Sasuke's arm and his torso. He felt Sasuke's toned muscles distinctly as the raven draped his arm over Naruto, the strength they implied making him feel protected. Naruto wiped away the tears on his cheeks.
"I suppose...I have some explaining to do," Naruto conceded with a hint of nervous laughter.
Sasuke pulled Naruto closer into him, leisurely stroking his back.
"No more than you'd like to."
He decided that Naruto could tell him his story if and when he pleased. He would respect his privacy and not push him into sharing things he wasn't ready to share. He wondered why everyone didn't think this way.
"It's okay... I don't think I'd have the guts to bring it up again."
But did Naruto ever want to bring it up again? Did Sasuke ever need to know? Sasuke nodded slowly. Even Sasuke didn't know if he was ready to hear what he was about to hear, but he did his best to hide that.
"Tell me what happened, Naruto."
"I want to tell you, but I'm afraid… I haven't told anyone about this before, ever. I'm not a bad person, you know? I'm really not."
He couldn't be like Sasuke… He hadn't had the opportunity yet to grow truly and deeply close to someone. It appeared that when this did occur, the secrets he'd kept from the world so easily started hammering at the surface. He happened to know more about Sasuke than Sasuke knew about him, but this was only because Sasuke's secrets had been revealed against his will. How was Sasuke able to keep so much from so many people? Sasuke tilted his head, perplexed.
"Of course you aren't. If anyone, that would be me."
Why would Naruto say such a thing? Wasn't he the one who was becoming Sasuke's moral compass?
"No, you don't get it yet. You'll think less of me."
"Listen, Naruto… I have no right to judge you or whatever you've done in your past."
Naruto's chest tightened all over again, and he wondered if he should have waited for his body to calm down a little more before delving into something so sensitive. These assurances… Sasuke only spoke them because he didn't know the truth. How would he really react?
"It's about..." Naruto sighed, "my face."
For Naruto, these first words were the most difficult. He fumbled with whatever fabric he could find, his forehead breaking out in a cold sweat. He was so afraid to speak the words he had now committed himself to speaking.
"Ah..."
Sasuke's palms sweat. This seemed to be the elephant in the room, as far as Naruto was concerned. From the first time he saw the blond, it was something he had been curious about. The scars were obvious, and unless Naruto decided to wear a ski mask, it was nothing he could ever hide. He imagined that he'd frequently gotten questions from children and the nosey and tactless.
"I guess I'll tell you from the start, cuz it's a long story. When I was almost thirteen, the family I'd been staying with for a while had to give me up because of money problems. So I was placed with a man up by Bakersfield. He'd just lost his wife last year, so I think he was looking for another reason to live. He…. He was a very lonely and sad man - lonelier than I was, which says a lot. He missed his wife. I would hear him cry during the night from my bedroom. He didn't have many friends, and his wife had been infertile, so they had no kids. He was really all alone, just like me."
Naruto clenched his teeth before continuing.
"He was very nice to me though. He bought me all sorts of things and told me that I was the only person in the whole world he loved. Do you know how it feels to hear that, when you always felt like an intruder in peoples' homes? I felt like we understood each other. We were there for each other. But things got weird…"
In truth, Sasuke had no idea how Naruto must have felt. He had always felt welcome in his own home, with or without his parents. Since birth, he knew that he was loved, irreplaceable. Naruto had never had that assurance.
"Weird? What do you mean?"
Naruto glanced back up at Sasuke nervously. For an instant, he reconsidered telling Sasuke at all. If he left the subject matter be, he believed that Sasuke would've been just fine with leaving it rest. Sasuke was just that sort of guy. But what would Sasuke think of him if he didn't stop?
"One night… Late at night, he kissed me. Not…like on the cheek, actually on the lips."
Sasuke tried to avoid looking angry, but he did a poor job of it.
"Don't be mad at him. It wasn't molestation. He explained to me that when he did it, he could close his eyes and pretend like his wife was still alive. There wasn't anything sexual about it, at least I don't think. It was more emotional. I was helping him pretend. But… I let him do it. More than once."
Sasuke had expected to be shocked. He had expected to hear some things about Naruto that were difficult to stomach, but not this.
"You must think I'm a freak," Naruto muttered with a frown.
His heart was beating far too quickly. He wished he could analyze Sasuke's face closely for his true reaction, but he was too scared to look at him. Why would someone like Sasuke ever want to date someone with these sorts of issues? He'd been such an idiot to tell the truth.
"No. And I don't care what you say about this guy. I wish I could break his jaw."
So Sasuke was blaming his parent, and not him? It wasn't fair. It was his fault. He'd agreed to it. Still, it was better than Sasuke being disgusted by him or something of the like.
"Sasuke, that's not how it was. I…I didn't like it, but I didn't mind it. I didn't really care. He only kissed me on the lips. He didn't ever touch any other part of me or try to push me into more. He never forced me, and he told me that he didn't love me romantically. He didn't make any noises or grope or whatever... He'd just kiss me, close his eyes…and smile afterward. He'd thank me for helping him."
"He's an adult, and you were a child. It doesn't matter if you consented or not. He should've never put you in that situation."
Naruto's voice cracked as he spoke now, forcing back tears. "I initiated it, Sasuke! Only a few times, but I did! He would stop crying, and he'd tell me that I was the only thing that made him want to live. It wasn't only for him! It wasn't the actual action for me; it was how much it meant to him. Dammit… I actually felt loved for once!" towards the end, Naruto's voice raised to a shout, this face slightly reddened.
For just a moment, Sasuke was rendered speechless. He would have never known, not in a lifetime. Naruto, his Naruto… He had been so desperate for affection that he had resorted to this. It was something Sasuke, who had garnered love and admiration throughout his lifetime so naturally, could never understand.
"Please… Please say something," Naruto sobbed, tears finally streaming down his cheeks. "Do you think I'm a freak?"
That word again, "freak." He wondered if these were the things Naruto told himself at night. Sasuke immediately felt a flash of heat in his gut as guilt consumed him. What was he doing, spacing out like that? This was about Naruto, not him.
"You're not a freak, Naruto. You were mistreated."
"I wasn't mistreated, not then. That came later."
Sasuke couldn't believe what he was hearing. To Naruto, this wasn't even abuse. How could he be so easy on this guy? He was in denial; there was no two ways about it. And how much worse had things really gotten?
"I knew it was unhealthy, even at that age. I just didn't care, because it made both of us happy, just in different ways. We didn't love each other like that, so it seemed okay. But as I got older, I started really understanding how fucked up the whole thing was. I even got a boyfriend I met at school, and I liked him… I was fourteen then. We didn't date for very long or get extremely attached, but he was fun to hang out with… Heh, and actually pretty hot. But if you count those kisses, I was cheating on him…with my foster parent. Isn't that the most fucked up thing you've ever heard?"
"I don't think it's that simple, Naruto. I don't blame you for it."
Sasuke stroked Naruto's hair and held his hand, realizing that this might be the most difficult secret he'd ever revealed in his life. Naruto continued, knowing that if he stopped, he might be unable to continue.
"Over the next year or so, he sort of…started to slip. He told me that his boss was trying to poison him, and just…a bunch of really bizarre I'm-about-to-lose-my-marbles sort of stuff. He'd drink at night, and I dropped a plate… He jerked me around by the hand and dislocated my wrist. I should've known right then that I needed to get out. But the look on his face when he realized he hurt me… He looked so horrified and guilty when he saw my wrist. He started talking to himself through the night, yelling and screaming at someone who wasn't really there… It was kind of like a dam that I knew had to burst. He just kept getting worse and worse, but I felt like I couldn't leave him. Who else would be there for him?"
Naruto seemed to shrink into Sasuke's arms now, his words becoming clumsier.
"Even still, I knew we couldn't keep living like this. I saw the situation for what it really was. Plus I had a boyfriend at the time, and of course he had no clue what was going on. At first, I felt unfaithful and even a little scared just holding his hand because of what was going on at home, but was helping me cope without even knowing. I couldn't stomach the dishonesty. The night I ended up running away, I told my dad that I still loved him, but I couldn't kiss him or pretend anymore. I made it clear I wouldn't ever do it again."
"Brave," Sasuke said gruffly. He honestly didn't consider that cheating, and regardless… This wasn't Naruto's fault. It was that asshole of a foster parent… He couldn't think about that. Again, he had to remind himself that this was about Naruto, not his own emotions. Naruto needed to be listened to, to be reassured.
"I was just weeks from fifteen at the point, so you'd think I would've been smart enough to say something sooner. I expected him to be upset. To cry or maybe even yell. But he just looked at me like he'd been slapped or something and walked out of the room, just like that. I knew he had to react at some point, especially given how he'd been acting lately, so it made me nervous. I was definitely expecting something bad, but still… I never would've guessed he was capable of..."
Naruto was flushing deeply now, his voice cracking as words failed him, struggling to continue. Sasuke wished he could do something to relieve him, his own heart beating uncomfortably in suspense. The raven grabbed Naruto's hand in his own, calmingly circling the palm with his thumb. Naruto grabbed onto it tightly, and his eyes watered.
"He came into my room while I was asleep and tried to force me. He started talking to me like I was his wife, but he was so drunk I could hardly even understand him. He reeked of alcohol, which I hate. At that point, I'd had enough. I punched him in the face, ended up giving him a bloody nose, and called him a psycho."
Naruto looked down and then back up at Sasuke, seemingly requesting assurance.
"I know it was mean, but I was just so sick of dealing with his issues and wanted to get some sleep. After I did it, I even felt a little bad for him."
Did Naruto seriously feel guilty for decking this guy? He really was far too nice. It went beyond Sasuke's comprehension.
"I'd say it was quite deserved, actually," Sasuke smirked. "Nice one."
"It was actually pretty stupid, as it turned out," Naruto laughed nervously.
"Why? What happened?"
The blond's body began to tremble. Sasuke was tempted to ask him to stop, to tell him that he didn't need to know. He hated watching Naruto suffer like this, but all the same, this was something Naruto had wanted to tell him. Sasuke's own heart was beginning to quicken, and he wondered if Naruto could feel it against his clothed flesh. Naruto's words grew pressured as his enunciation deteriorated. It seemed that he wanted to get these words out as quickly as possible, before he lost the nerve to continue.
"There was this flip-knife he always kept in his pocket, for protection he said. He took it out, held me down... He was sobbing, yelling… Could've fought harder than I did. I was afraid he'd kill me if I made him angrier. So I just begged him not to hurt me. God, I was so stupid. I just...wasn't thinking..."
Naruto was gripping Sasuke's fingers hard now, to the point that they were beginning to tingle. Every muscle in Naruto's body seemed to be tense as he fought not to sob, tears noiselessly streaming down his cheeks.
"So he took it to my face, and...yeah... This."
He pointed to his cheeks, his finger quaking. His chest seemed to jolt as he held back a sob, his eyes wet and slowly trailing tears. Sasuke swallowed, hearing his own breathing echo in his head. The scars on his cheeks… So this is why Naruto ran away, why he became homeless, why he turned down shelters and foster care so adamantly… What could he say to this? He felt like it was his fault when Naruto began to sob. If only he could've said something...
Sasuke rolled over on his side, now facing the blond, who had buried his face in the sheet. Sasuke had never been good with this sort of thing, but he decided immediately that he wouldn't give Naruto that look. Sasuke had come to despise it so thoroughly. Whenever he was forced to tell anyone about what happened to his parents, they would simply stare at him, wide-eyed and full of pity. The seconds would stretch on as their eyes stubbornly clung to his face.
He combed his fingers gently through Naruto's hair.
"Let it out. I'm here now."
He rested his hand on the side of Naruto's head, tracing his thumb around the curves of his ear. Sasuke was still in a state of shock. He couldn't believe Naruto had hidden this from the world, but still, it made him feel special to be the only one to hear it. In another sense, he wished he'd never known. What he had heard appalled Sasuke in every sense of the word. He felt so enraged, so upset that something this unfair could happen to Naruto. He wondered what he wouldn't give to go back in time and save Naruto from everything he was to experience. Leaning forward to Naruto's only exposed cheek, he kissed each of the three scars slowly. He felt the indents of each wound against his sensitive lips with each peck. Kissing them better, he mused. Naruto's cries silenced.
"You... You shouldn't touch me there."
Naruto rotated his head slightly, so that one tear-reddened eye faced the raven.
"Why not?"
The blond gave a shaky sigh and a sad smile.
"They're there to remind me to be ashamed."
"Naruto… I know that no one has told you this yet, since you haven't told anyone, but it wasn't your fault. You were used and mistreated, and blaming yourself for it will only make you weak in the longrun. Don't let that son of a bitch take anything more from you than he already has."
Naruto's tears were slowing, and for the first time since they had gotten on this subject, his tone sounded hopeful.
"You…really think it wasn't my fault?"
Sasuke shook his head.
"Of course not, Naru."
"You don't think I have issues?"
Sasuke sighed.
"Naruto, after that, anyone would. We both have issues, but you rebounded. Fuck, I don't know… Maybe I should learn something from you."
Sasuke mumbled his final sentence. His pale skin flushed the lightest shade of pink, quite uncomfortable with admitting such a thing even under the circumstances. Naruto smiled, and this time it was real.
"You know…," Naruto noted with a sigh, "Every time I look in the mirror, these ugly things remind me of how messed up and stupid I was." He pointed to his cheek. "It's like I can't forget."
Naruto bit his thumb as his eyes fell into the sheets. Sasuke shook his head, stroking his thumb against the marred flesh.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I like them. When you smile, all stupid like you usually do, even with those scars on your face… I think you look really strong. You survived, so don't be ashamed."
Naruto went still. He couldn't believe Sasuke, of all people, would say something like this. He wouldn't have guessed that someone as distant as Sasuke had it in him, and this made his words all the more meaningful. He supposed, when he got to know the guy... He could be very kind. The tenseness and pain in his chest was transforming into something much lighter. Naruto's eyes began to well up again. Not one to disappoint, Naruto grinned, reaching all the way back to his molars as a tear escaped his eye.
Sasuke cast Naruto a half-smile in return. He was awed at how Naruto always wanted to give people a second chance, even though doing so had almost gotten him killed. After everything Naruto had endured, that smile seemed to penetrate Sasuke in a way that he could not express. Sasuke could not bring himself to agree with Naruto's world view. He could also not help but regard Naruto with a sense of admiration, respect, and perhaps even love.
"Your breath still stinks," Sasuke murmured, their faces still pressed close together.
"So does yours," the blond chuckled lightly, his grin never wavering.

Well, here's that "big chapter" I referenced. Please tell me what you think. I was a little hesitant to write a backstory for Naruto like this, but I thought it added a lot of depth to his character.
See you next week!
- 18
- 19
- 20
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