Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Crossing Boundaries for You	By : Sasunarufan13 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 12499 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto nor make profit of it. Kishimoto owns it.

Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
Author's note: Well, this was an interesting chapter to write. I'm pretty sure it's something you've all been waiting for, so I can only hope I didn't mess it up!
Warnings: Angst, though not that heavy - I think
I hope you'll like it!
Chapter 18
"What are you doing here?" was Naruto's brilliant retort; his fingers cramping around the ice cream container.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. "Well, I dropped by to wish my future brother-in-law a happy birthday and give him my present," he drawled and his gaze sharpened. "And then I figured this was a good opportunity to talk with you, because a certain someone has been ignoring my messages."
"There's nothing to talk about," Naruto replied stiffly, but his heart was doing summersaults in his chest and he placed the ice cream container down on the counter with a tremble in his hands that wasn't a result from the cold.
"Oh?" If possible, Sasuke's voice sounded frostier than the air at the North Pole. "There isn't? Odd, because I seem to recall that we kissed a week ago."
The blond man whirled around and threw a sharp look at the open doorway, praying that neither of the older men were listening right now. "And we shouldn't have done that," he hissed, curling his fingers around the edge of the counter behind his back. "End of story. Let's just – let's just forget it ever happened, all right?"
To his great consternation, the dark haired man took a few steps closer to him. "Forget it?" he repeated incredulously. "This is not something that's easy to forget, Naruto!"
Of course, now of all times Sasuke decided he was done being emotionally stunted and wanted to have a proper conversation. Damn him. "Well, try!" Naruto snapped, trying to keep his voice low enough not to attract any attention.
"Why?!"
"Because you're married, maybe?" Naruto retorted incredulously, throwing his hands up. He ignored the twinge in his heart and continued roughly, "We already fucked up once, Sasuke. Just a spur of the moment thing, because you got caught up in feeling the baby kick, that's all. Let's just forget about it and go on with our lives."
That was at least what Naruto had been trying to convince himself of for the past week. There was no real reason why Sasuke would have suddenly started kissing him, except for the fact that he had been caught up in his excitement about feeling his baby kicking. He had just let himself go and had forgotten that it was Naruto carrying his child and not Sakura and then that happened. No other reason than that. There couldn't be any other reason. Naruto wouldn't let himself entertain another possibility, because he wouldn't be able to handle that. His heart was already on the verge of breaking now that he knew how it felt like to have Sasuke's full, undivided, loving attention and considering any other reason than excitement would destroy him.
Because in the end, nothing would change. Sasuke and Sakura were still married and in a couple of months they would be raising a baby together, forming that picture perfect family everyone dreamt of. There was no place for Naruto other than the best friend and uncle to their baby.
Their kiss didn't mean anything. Couldn't mean anything.
Sasuke started heatedly, "We can't just forget about this, you idiot! We need to - "
"Is there something wrong?" Itachi suddenly appeared behind Sasuke, raising an eyebrow when his little brother cursed and Naruto jumped in fright.
"Damn it, Itachi!" Naruto barked, placing a hand on his belly when he felt the baby fuss around, clearly not appreciating being startled as well. "One of these days I'm going to hang a collar with a bell around your neck! It's creepy how silent you are!"
"I don't know whether Deidara is up for something as kinky as that," Itachi retorted dryly.
The blond man sputtered and his cheeks burned fiercely; no doubt he was resembling a tomato right now.
"Itachi," Sasuke growled irritated, obviously not happy with his brother's interruption.
"No fighting in the kitchen on Deidara's birthday," Itachi reprimanded him; a strange look crossing his face for a few seconds.
Naruto froze; his heartbeat loud in his ears as he wondered how much the older man had picked up. Panic was simmering in his stomach and he shifted his foot, wanting to be anywhere else but here now.
"We're not fighting. We're having a – discussion," Sasuke replied stiffly, crossing his arms.
"Uhuh." Itachi sounded dubious as he looked back and forth between them.
The younger Uchiha ignored him and looked at Naruto again. "Look, Naruto, we really need to talk. In private," he added with a grimace.
"Best to talk in Naruto-kun's bedroom then, because I doubt I can keep Deidara from being curious much longer," Itachi remarked with a thin smile, appearing completely unaffected by the scowl blue eyes directed at him.
"Sounds like a great idea," Sasuke muttered and strode towards Naruto, snatching his wrist and tugging him along before the pregnant man could get his bearings.
Naruto opened his mouth to protest – the last thing he needed was to be alone with Sasuke in his bedroom – but dark eyes glanced at him sharply and he shut his mouth with a click, following his friend meekly.
The sound of the door closing behind them had never rung so loudly and Naruto snatched his hand back, stumbling back to his desk in his haste to put some distance between him and the dark eyed man. Even with Sasuke lingering near the door, Naruto was hyper aware of his presence and every nerve in his body tingled.
He crossed his arms and muttered, "What's there to still talk about?"
"We kissed," Sasuke stated bluntly. "You claim I did it because I was excited to feel the baby kicking."
"What other reason can there - "
"Why did you kiss me back then?"
Naruto looked away, away from those penetrating dark eyes, and shame spread out through him once more. His fingers dug into his sides and he took a shuddering breath.
"Naruto, why did you kiss me back?" Sasuke's voice was soft now, but not less demanding and his presence seemed to fill the entire room, pressing down on Naruto, stifling the air.
"What does it matter?" he muttered flatly; the words nearly inaudible. Couldn't he at least have this one secret left? Did he really have to bare himself, confess everything because he made one stupid mistake? Because he couldn't hold himself back once, did he really …
"It matters. A lot," the other one answered and his voice sounded so off, so strange, that Naruto couldn't help but glance up quickly at him.
He wished he hadn't.
Dark eyes caught his and refused to let him go. There was something swirling in those depths, something Naruto couldn't, didn't dare to, immediately identify, but which had his own stomach doing uncomfortable flip-flops.
He made another attempt at cutting off the subject before it completely entered dangerous territory. "No, it doesn't. We just need to forget - "
"Naruto."
Blue eyes closed in resignation, recognising that particular inflection in that voice. There was no getting out of this, no way to beat around the bush anymore. He had kept quiet for years about it, but he would no longer be allowed to do that. Sasuke wanted answers and no matter how long it took he would get them. People often said Naruto was incredibly stubborn, but the truth was that Sasuke was even more stubborn than him. The older man was like a pit bull – once he set his teeth into something, he wouldn't let go, no matter what happened.
Naruto had always admired that particular trait of his friend, but now he cursed it, because it meant that most likely –
He would lose at least one friendship today.
His voice was hollow when he answered, "Because I wanted to."
There. He said it. His most embarrassing secret, the one which filled him with shame over and over again whenever he witnessed his friends' affection towards each other, was out in the open now.
"What do you mean – you wanted to?" Sasuke asked haltingly as if he wasn't certain whether he had understood his friend correctly.
Third time's the charm, right?, Naruto thought sarcastically. "What do you think I mean?" he laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "I'm in love with you."
The words hurt leaving his throat and they hung heavily in the air, weighing down on them. He tried to swallow, but something blocked his throat and his mouth felt dry all of a sudden, parched as if he hadn't had a drink in ages.
The silence that fell between them was stifling and he barely dared to move; his muscles cramping up as more and more tension snuck in them. He desperately wished to take the words back, to be able to laugh them off, claim they were a joke, but it was too late now.
It had been too late the second he had kissed Sasuke back.
The only question now was: how long would it take for the dark haired man to cut ties with him? Maybe he'll wait until after the baby's born, he thought miserably and blinked rapidly, pushing back the sharp sting heralding hot tears. He was not going to cry. He would not. This was already humiliating enough without blubbering like a baby.
"How long?" The question was like a thunderclap, splitting the silence apart.
Well, he had already humiliated himself by confessing his darkest secret; it couldn't become any worse than this he supposed despondently. "Years," he admitted quietly, hugging himself tighter. The shame and humiliation burnt brighter in him, making him feel sick.
"Why did you never say anything?"
"What was I supposed to say? I didn't know whether you were interested in guys and I wasn't willing to risk our friendship. Although I guess that doesn't matter anymore," he said sourly.
From his peripheral vision he saw Sasuke shifting and moving one foot and blue eyes closed; expecting to hear the door opening and closing any second now. It would serve him right if Sasuke decided to cut all ties now. The kiss had already been stupid, but admitting he had been in love with him for years …
There were no words to describe how humongous idiotic that was.
The soft, nearly inaudible noise of his bedsprings had him look up in surprise and his mouth fell open slightly when he saw Sasuke sitting on his bed. He wasn't leaving? What did this mean?
"I kissed you because I wanted to," Sasuke said; his voice steady even when a tremor went through his hands before he clasped them together.
The comment was so unexpected, so out of the range of possible statements Naruto had expected, that he was certain he had misheard him. Clearly he had reached new levels of pathetic because Sasuke couldn't have possibly admitted something as unbelievable as that. Sasuke was straight. He was married to Sakura. There was no way he would ever want to kiss Naruto – or any guy – out of his own volition.
Whether or not he had misheard Sasuke, the shock was enough to leave him stumped and the older man continued to fill the silence.
Dark eyes remained fixated on the floor as Sasuke began, his voice strangely hollow, "After my brother left, father focused all his attention on me. I had to be the best of the class; I had to excel in any extracurricular activities; I couldn't waste my time anymore with 'frivolities' as he liked to call them. Uchiha were the best and nothing else was accepted."
Naruto remembered. Fugaku had never been an easy man, but he had changed for the worse after Itachi had left the family. Suddenly Sasuke, who had been fighting for his whole life already to be acknowledged by his father on the same level as his brother, received the attention he had been desperately craving. Fugaku started to pay more attention to his youngest son, asking after his grades and his activities at school, wondering where he ranked with his results.
Sasuke's grades had always been great and like his older brother he had excelled in the sports he had taken up at school, but it hadn't been good enough. Fugaku demanded more, he demanded perfection, and Sasuke had tried his best to reach those demands.
If it hadn't been for Mikoto's interference and Naruto's stubbornness, there was no doubt Sasuke would have had a nervous breakdown eventually. Mikoto had managed to get it through Fugaku's thick skull that constant studying and no relaxing at it would be more detrimental for Sasuke's results – which were consistently the best of the class and their year either way – than the occasional afternoon off with friends. That particular discussion was the only time Naruto could remember witnessing Mikoto actually becoming pissed off. She already hadn't been happy to have her oldest son leaving the family, but Fugaku's inane demands of perfection had been the straw that broke the camel's back.
Fugaku had reluctantly agreed, but the damage had already been done. Naruto didn't think he would ever forgive the older man for causing his best friend to nearly break down.
"I was father's last chance," Sasuke chuckled bitterly, running a hand through his black blue hair. "Itachi-niisan had become a disappointment, a disgrace to the family and god forbid I would turn out the same way."
Naruto flinched, biting down on his lower lip. He knew Fugaku was homophobic, had never cared about that because why would he care about that pompous arse? But hearing those same words coming from Sasuke's mouth, even when he knew that wasn't how Sasuke thought about men like him … It stupidly felt like a slap in his face.
Maybe those pregnancy hormones were messing more with him than he had expected.
"Father literally told me I should never follow Itachi's path, because that was the path of failure," Sasuke continued flatly; his face blank. "And because I was so pathetically glad to finally have his attention, I didn't question him and just did whatever was needed to get his approval. I was so goddamn stupid," he sneered.
"You're not stupid," Naruto protested, jumping to his defence automatically even though this time it was Sasuke himself making the disparaging comment. Sasuke was far from stupid; if anything he had to be some kind of saint or perfect child to be able to deal with Fugaku's ridiculous demands.
The dark haired man ignored his interruption and went on, "I had become so used to following his orders that I … didn't question him when he told me it was time to find a girl who would be suitable to marry."
All of a sudden Naruto had a foreboding feeling and his stomach cramped as he listened in quiet unsettledness. His tongue felt numb and even though he wanted to say he didn't want to hear the rest, just knowing he wouldn't like it, his tongue and lips refused to budge.
"I never – thought about who I would marry. Living with my father didn't allow me to think about whom I would date if I had the chance," Sasuke said softly; his eyes distant as if he was remembering something. The corners of his mouth pulled up in a bitter grimace. "Although I guess I didn't really have a choice, did I? Father suggested I marry someone from the Hyuuga; they met his high standards." He snorted, shaking his head in disgust.
Yeah, Naruto definitely wasn't liking where this conversation was going, but it was as if he was glued onto the floor, unable to leave.
"That was the first and only request I refused to fulfil," Sasuke murmured; a dark look crossing his face momentarily. "He was angry, telling me I couldn't just marry any girl, because we had a 'reputation' to uphold. He gave me a year to find a girl."
A moment of silence fell in the room; the tense quiet only disturbed by their breathing: that of Naruto uneven and quick and that of Sasuke slow and serene as if he was merely telling a fairy tale.
"I didn't want to marry a Hyuuga, but I've never been as brave as my brother," Sasuke said; his bitterness so palpable Naruto could almost envision seeing it hanging around the older man like a dark cloud. "I had no interest in marrying a girl, but I had a deadline to meet and I was afraid to find out what father would do if I didn't introduce him to a girl. I could only come up with one solution: ask a girl I knew to marry."
"Sakura-chan?" Naruto whispered; his ears ringing and his mind churning with the overload of information he was suddenly drowning in. How had he never known this?
Sasuke nodded slowly. "She's my friend and I needed someone I could trust. Someone who would be on my side and would be able to stand up against my father."
"Does she – does she know that you …" Naruto was unable to finish his question, but the other man understood him.
"I told her everything," he stated flatly. "I explained her why the marriage was necessary and why I wanted it to be her. But I also told her that I – that I will probably never love her like a husband should. She's a good friend of mine and I didn't want to give her false hope. She agreed."
Naruto remained quiet, unsure how to react to this sudden revelation. Everything he had thought to be true turned out completely wrong. He had believed his best friends to be in love with each other; had seen how happy Sakura had been when she announced the upcoming marriage. That had been the moment he had sworn he would never reveal his feelings, not wanting to come between his best friends.
Now it turned out that their marriage was … What? A marriage of convenience? But those looks couldn't be faked, surely? Sakura looked so in love every time she so much as glanced at Sasuke …
"Father approved of her and we got married," Sasuke murmured blankly. He stirred and visibly hesitated before continuing, "I was … content. Everything could have been so much worse and at least I could trust Sakura to be on my side. Something which I couldn't with a Hyuuga wife."
Black eyes slowly looked up and locked onto wide, cerulean blue ones, keeping the blond trapped in his gaze. "Then you made that offer and we slept together. And I started questioning everything."
Naruto barely dared to breathe, feeling like a deer trapped underneath the hungry eyes of a predator. One wrong move and it would be over. His heart hammered in his chest and it wouldn't surprise him if Sasuke could hear it from all the way over there.
"Like I said, I never got the chance to decide whether I could be interested in men or not. Then we had sex and I," Sasuke took a shuddering breath; his cheeks dusting a pale rose, "I couldn't keep it out of my head for some reason. I tried to ignore it at first, told myself it was just because it was something different."
Naruto's mouth was as dry as the desert now; his stomach flipping and churning so much it was a miracle he hadn't thrown up yet.
"I – I watched some videos. Trying to figure out whether it was just you or you know, men in general." Sasuke's voice was nearly inaudible at this admission and his tongue peeked out to lick his lips.
A jolt went through the pregnant man and he flushed beet red when he realised to which kind of videos Sasuke was referring to. His stomach did a flip for a whole different reason now.
Sasuke rose up from the bed, but didn't take a step forwards. Instead he lingered next to the bed, his voice hypnotic when he said, "It turned out to be you. Just you. Still I convinced myself nothing was wrong. I was just … a bit more affected by our sex than I thought I would be. That's what I told myself." He took a deep breath and his eyes darkened. "The day you got attacked … That was the first time I realised how devastated I would be if I lost you."
"What – what are you saying?" Naruto asked roughly; the words scraping his throat. Inside his belly the baby was kicking up a fuss, clearly not happy with his carrier being so agitated.
"I'm saying that – I made a huge mistake three years ago," Sasuke murmured and took a step closer. "I'm saying that I should never have listened to father."
Naruto's chuckle was shrill, too high. "You're just confused," he babbled nervously. "It's just because I'm carrying your baby now and that has your father instincts going in overdrive and that's why - "
"I know what I feel," Sasuke cut him off harshly; his eyebrows furrowing. "I know what I was doing when I kissed you."
The blue eyed man shut his mouth and a tremble went through his form when the older man slowly neared.
"I made some huge mistakes in my life and one of them was not standing up to my father," Sasuke murmured; his features softening a fraction. "But I want things to change from now on."
Naruto started shaking his head, feeling torn in two. On the one hand this was what he had been dreaming of for so long, hearing Sasuke reciprocate his feelings, but on the other hand this was all wrong.
All his fantasies had revolved around Sasuke being single, not married to their other best friend, even if that marriage turned out to be one of convenience instead. It didn't matter. He couldn't hurt Sakura like that, even if Sasuke told her he would never love her like that. It wouldn't be fair to her when Naruto could see how much she loved the Uchiha heir.
Why, oh why, couldn't Sasuke have done this sooner? Why did he have to realise his feelings now? Now, when nothing could be done about them without hurting either one of them.
Why was life so unfair?
He froze when his hands were grabbed and held by slightly cooler ones. Blue eyes stared down at them, noticing the contrast in skin colour and how their hands were entangled in front of his protruding belly.
"Naruto, look at me," Sasuke ordered softly and there was no way Naruto could refuse.
His swallow was loud in the room and eyes slowly rose up, gliding over a black shirt covered chest, up to the collarbones peeking from underneath the cloth, to a neck, a sharp jaw, black blue locks framing a handsome face before they finally landed on smouldering, black eyes.
"I ask you to give us a chance," Sasuke said softly.
"We can't, Sasuke. Sakura-chan …"
"Let me handle her. I just want to find out how good we can be together. For the first time in my life I want to make a decision of my own." Black eyes grew more intense, refusing to break the gaze. "I want to make the choice that I never really got and I choose you."
"Sasuke, I …" Naruto shook his head slowly, lost for words.
Pale hands squeezed his own. "Don't make a decision yet. Please think about it. I know there's something between us, something strong, and I don't want to ignore that any longer." Sasuke released his hands and took a step back; his eyes swirling with so many emotions it made Naruto want to look away in embarrassment. "Just think about it, okay? That's all I ask. If you really don't want it – then I won't push. Above everything you're still my best friend and I don't want to lose you."
I don't want to lose you either, Naruto wanted to say, but nothing left his mouth.
Sasuke nodded, as if he still understood him and turned around. "Contact me when you're ready," he murmured and then left, as silent as a ghost.
But the impact of his words, his request, his confession, was much louder; the words seemingly bouncing back and forth between the walls, and Naruto shivered, resting a hand on his stomach, feeling the baby kick against his pinkie.
Outside the sun shone bright and warm, colouring everything golden. It all looked so peaceful. If only Naruto could say he felt the same way.
He slid down the wall onto the floor and buried his face in his hands; the cold touch of the wall against his neck doing nothing to relieve the sudden burning heat spreading throughout his body.
What the hell was he supposed to do now?
His nights were restless, his days passing by too quickly.
Sasuke's confession kept running through his mind, refusing to give him a moment's rest. He became easily distracted, having to correct himself multiple times throughout the week because he kept marking correct explanations as wrong in his students' essays. Jiraiya was becoming worried, knowing it wasn't like Naruto to be that distracted.
He couldn't tell the other man what was wrong, though.
Everything he had wished ever since he had realised his true feelings for his friend was in his grasp. All he had to do was reach out and reel it in. How many times hadn't he dreamt of this exact scenario?
How many times hadn't he imagined how it would be if Sasuke told him he felt the same?
Too many to count, enough to leave him embarrassed, ashamed for what he felt.
He had been content – or well not content, but as close to content as possible – to remain in Sasuke's life as his best friend, deciding that having his friendship was more precious than risking losing it all just for a chance to confess. Sasuke seemed happy and therefore Naruto was happy.
Simple as that.
Only, it wasn't that simple anymore. One word and Naruto would have what he had dreamt of and longed for, for so long. One call and that would be enough.
If he was a good person, he would call Sasuke immediately and tell him to forget everything, that they could never become more than best friends. They had Sakura to think of and she didn't deserved to get hurt, stabbed in the back by the two people she trusted the most. Even with her marriage being one of convenience, she deserved better.
And yet … And yet …
What was he supposed to do?
His hand shook when he slipped his phone out of his pocket and he had to re-enter the number a couple of times, cursing his trembling fingers.
He was alone in his room, Sunday evening, while Itachi and Deidara were watching television downstairs. He pressed his phone against his ear, licking his lips as he waited for the call to connect. His free hand reached down to stroke his belly, trying to soothe the baby when he kicked his kidney harshly.
"Yes?" The deep timbre of his voice echoed through the phone.
Blue eyes fell shut. "I – I thought about it and I – I want to find out too."
"Thank you, Naruto," Sasuke said softly.
"Yeah," Naruto whispered, opening his eyes and staring at a picture of the three of them, laughing.
Guess he wasn't the good person he had always thought he was after all.
AN2: You remember the couple of times I mentioned that a chapter was hard to write? Well, this one stomps on them all when it comes to difficulty *sweatdrops* I worked on it for days, rewrote several paragraphs ... This was a nightmare to finish, let me tell you.
I really hope it doesn't come across as rushed or as out of character :/ Naturally the story will go deeper in on Naruto's feelings now and his guilt. But well, at least they made the next step? *clears throat and smiles nervously*
Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.
The next chapter will be posted on the first of December!
Cuddles
Melissa
- 17
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- 19
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Crossing Boundaries for You