Runaway Train | By : fieldofsnow Category: Naruto AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1142 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Naruto and I get no profit from this fanfiction |
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"What the hell happened?" Kiba cried as he pushed Kakashi away. He grabbed Naruto and tried to get him to focus on his face. "Naruto! Naruto calm down!" He tried to placate the boy but it was like his best friend was looking right through him, Kiba tried everything he knew to calm him down but Naruto just kept screaming.
Kakashi could only stare numbly at the scene, shocked to the core at what had happened, he'd thought he would never have to go through this again, thought that things would work out this time, but he had been wrong. He should have listened to Tsunade and Jiraiya and just stayed the hell away. Why couldn't he have just stayed away? Then none of this would be happening, he was sure of it.
It was almost identical to what had happened all those years ago when Naruto had woken up after his surgery. The look on his face, mild confusion that had quickly changed into pure terror, and the horrible scream that had seemed to never stop, not even after Kakashi had been dragged out of the room. It was all brought back in this moment and Kakashi suddenly felt exactly like his 16 year old self had felt as he stood outside the door of the little kid he cared about more than anything. How his hands shook as he listened to the only remaining person he considered family screaming in sheer terror, all because of him. How his world had crumbled as he was sat down and told that the child he'd been willing to give up everything to take care of didn't even remember who he was, and that he was never to see him again.
"What on earth is going on?" Kakashi probably would have thought it was funny how Gai could always sound quite calm and normal in circumstances like these, when he was always overly dramatic normally, but since Kakashi generally had other things on his mind in these circumstances he'd never really thought about it. In this case Gai's urgent question was what snapped Kakashi out of his brooding. He was trained to work under pressure, trained to keep on going even when the man next to him, the man who was guarding his back, was shot down. Kakashi knew pain, knew how to use it, how to inflict it and most of all, how to block it out. That was something he'd learned very early on in his life.
"He's in pain!" Kakashi barked at Gai.
"It doesn't look like…" Gai started but was cut off
"He's in pain! It doesn't matter what the hell it looks like but that's what you're going to tell the rest of the kids as soon as you get them the fuck out of the room again!" Kakashi ground out through his teeth.
And sure enough the rest of the club was all back in the room trying to see what was going on.
"What are we going to…" Gai tried again.
"I'm handling it!"
Gai took one more look at Naruto, who was still screaming no matter what Kiba tried to do, and then he looked back at his friend. Kakashi had always been good at hiding his emotions and moods but this was different. The man before him now wasn't hiding anything, because there was nothing to hide. There was no life in his eyes, only cold, hard determination. It scared him, and Gai wasn't easily scared. Therefore he decided that it was probably best to just do exactly what Kakashi ordered and get the rest of the kids out. Hopefully his friend knew what he was doing.
"Kiba! Go get your car keys and meet me in the parking lot." Kakashi snapped as he grabbed Naruto and hurled him up, clutching him tightly to his chest before he hurried out to Kiba's car, not even looking to see if the boy had done as he'd been asked. When Kakashi had picked him up Naruto had stopped screaming but he wasn't any better off now. As soon as he'd enfolded him in his arms Naruto had stiffened like a board, his eyes were screwed tightly shut, hands clutched tightly against his body and in front of his bowed head to guard off some unseen enemy and he was hyperventilating. If Kakashi hadn't been carrying him bridal style Naruto would've most likely been curled up in a ball.
Kakashi didn't have to wait by the car for long before Kiba came running. He stood impatiently staring at him while the boy did his best to get the key into the slot with his shaking hands, in reality it took about ten seconds but for Kakashi it felt like hours before Kiba finally managed to get the passenger door unlocked.
Kiba would later on moan about the scratches he'd made on the car door in the process but at the moment he was more afraid that Kakashi would murder him on the spot if he didn't get the door opened no sooner than last month than about the paint on his car.
Kiba knew better than to argue as well when Kakashi grabbed the car keys from his hands and ordered him to get in the back with Naruto. He just jumped into the car, sat down next to his friend and mumbled reassuring nonsense to him while Kakashi sped off to who knew where.
Kakashi's first thought was to take the boy home to his fathers but decided against it almost right away, instead he grabbed his cell phone and pressed one of the speed dial buttons. He didn't give Tsunade a chance to do more than answer before he started barking out commands, he didn't tell her what had happened or what was going on, only that it was an emergency that had to do with Naruto so they needed to get his fathers down there as soon as they could, get a doctor ready to examine the boy and to tell the blasted security team to let them in without the stupid 3rd degree.
Before Tsunade could even utter one syllable in response Kakashi hung up. He clenched and unclenched his hands on the steering wheel and stepped harder on the gas. Come hell and high water he was not going to fail the boy now. He would fix this no matter how hard it would be, no matter what he had to do.
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"What the hell did you do to him?" Iruka screamed. Genma looked torn between wanting to hold his lover back and charging at Kakashi himself.
As soon as they had arrived Kakashi had grabbed Naruto again and ordered Kiba to follow him as he marched over to the elevators only pausing for the brief seconds it took for him to flash his all access card and even that felt like too much of a hold up for him. He was immensely glad to see that Naruto had calmed down considerably on the drive over but the boy was still a little disoriented and, not surprisingly, didn't seem to know what was going on. Kakashi could feel him shaking in his arms as the boy clung on to his shirt, his eyes still tightly squeezed shut.
He'd taken the boy to the medical ward and reluctantly left him there with Kiba while the doctors examined his head. Kakashi would have staid himself but Tsunade had given him clear orders to wait in another room for Naruto's fathers to arrive, it would be his responsibility to explain to them just what was going on as Tsunade herself had no idea.
Of course Tsunade had her suspicions but she'd wowed to stay out of the matter and let Kakashi and Naruto sort it out this time and she was going to keep to that promise no matter how hard it was.
"I didn't..." Kakashi began. His hard determination had fled soon after Naruto's dads had arrived. He had a feeling an angry Iruka could do that to a person.
"You must have done something! This doesn't happen to Naruto unless something triggers it! What the hell did you do?" Iruka cried again. He felt like a caged animal, he wanted to pace but his broken leg made that impossible so instead he stood over Kakashi, who was sitting on an old couch in what appeared to be a break room, demanding to know what the man had done. Something had happened to his boy and he wanted answers.
Kakashi was feeling numb, was this really his doing?
"Do you know who he is? Is that why you're doing this? None of that has anything to do with Naruto, do you hear me!" Iruka continued, getting more frustrated by the minute. Genma had tried to get him to sit down but he was having none of it. "If you just wanted someone to mess with you should have picked someone else! You have no idea what this kid has been through…"
"Yes I do." Kakashi stated quietly. He was shaking now, fists clenched as he stared at the two men with his sole visible eye.
"No you don't!" Iruka ground out between his teeth. "You weren't there when he was screaming his head off after waking up from a bad dream. You weren't there when nothing we said or did could calm him down. You weren't ther..."
"I was there!" Kakashi yelled back as he stood up abruptly causing Iruka to stagger back, weather from the shock of Kakashi's outburst or to avoid a collision he didn't know. "I was there long before you came along, I was there long before it happened and I was there the night his uncle murdered his parents." The last sentence was just above a whisper, ground out through clenched teeth. "I was there." He repeated. "But I couldn't be there for him afterwards."
Iruka and Genma were both stunned by that revelation but no less than Kakashi was himself over blurting things out like that.
Suddenly the silence that had descended on the room following Kakashi's words was shattered by the sound of breaking glass. All three men whirled around to see Naruto standing in the doorway with Kiba; a shocked looked gracing both of their features. A broken glass of water lay shattered by their feet.
"What... what do you mean you were there?" Naruto asked numbly. An image of Kakashi covered in blood entered his mind again. His hand shook uncontrollably and he leaned against the doorjamb in case his legs decided to give out.
"Naruto we'll sort this out later, you need to rest..." Iruka began.
"NO!" Naruto objected. "What I need now is to know what the hell is going on!" He looked at Kakashi as he said this. "Who the hell are you? What the hell do you want from me?" He cried. Kakashi could feel his heart clenching as he looked into Naruto's hurt eyes. "Just stop messing with me and tell me what you want." Naruto exhaled as his legs gave out. Kakashi took a step towards him but stopped as he was sent two pairs of death glares from Iruka and Kiba. The dark haired boy grabbed his friend by the waist and helped Naruto towards the couch where he then sat motionless.
Genma looked between his old friend and his adopted son. He didn't like it but this needed to be done and like things were now it would be much better if it was sooner rather than later. He turned to his long time partner and Kiba. "Come on you guys, I think this needs to be done in private."
"What! Hell no, I'm not leav..." Iruka snapped.
"Iruka!" Genma stopped him. "I don't like this any more than you do but Naruto needs to work through this and as much as I don't like to admit it I think Kakashi is the only one who can help him now. This has obviously got something to do with the both of them and I have a feeling both of them need this. This time we would only be in the way." Genma hugged the shorter man tightly. "He'll tell us about it later when he is ready."
Turning his head he lowered his voice so only Iruka could hear. "I know all you want to do is take him home, tuck him into his bed and cuddle him until it gets better like we used to but please… just trust me for now. Trust him right now." He kissed Iruka's temple before steering him towards the door. "What he needs right now is something neither of us can give him."
Before he pushed Iruka and Kiba out of the room he put his hand on Naruto's shoulder, waiting until he raised his eyes and looked at him. "Don't worry sunshine, it'll get better soon. It always does yeah?" Genma kissed the boy on his forehead, it took everything he had in him to say the next few words but no matter how much Genma wanted to pick Naruto up like he did when he was little and carry him home he knew that it was out of his hands. This was something he couldn't fix. "I'm going to take Iruka home now and calm him down; you know he doesn't handle stress well. I'm leaving my phone with you so call Iruka's cell or the house phone if you need us alright?" Genma looked pointedly at Naruto as he stroked his hair repeatedly.
"We'll always be there for you when you need us you know that right?" He waited for his son to nod before he pulled him into a hug and whispered in his ear. "I know it's hard but listen to what he has to say. The Kakashi I know is a good man; he's nothing like Haku or the rest." He gave Naruto one last kiss on the forehead before standing up.
Genma paused by his old friend on the way out, silently asking Kiba to take Iruka out of there with a slight head jerk towards the door.
Kakashi was nervously clenching and unclenching his fists. He'd wanted to tell Naruto about their past for a long time now but he'd never wanted it to come to this. He knew what he'd been doing would probably come back to haunt him but he thought he'd have time to make it right, to slowly ease into it. He wasn't expecting the whole thing coming crashing down around him and then having to salvage the damage all at once, although he should have seen it coming. Things were never simple or ordinary when you wanted them to be.
"I'm not sure I can do this." He said to the toothpick chewing man.
"Cheh.." Genma snorted. "Sure or not you're doing it. If not for you then you'll do it for him or I swear I'll make you wish you were never born and after that I'll let Iruka lose on you and believe me after that even your ancestors will wish they'd never been born."
When Genma was gone and the door was shut Kakashi slowly turned around and looked at the broken boy sitting on the worn out couch, his back turned to him. He walked slowly up to Naruto and extended his hand, just wanting to brush his fingers through his hair, lay his hand on his shoulder or even stroke his back. He just wanted to touch him and in some small way reassure them both that he cared and it would be all right. But the word's Naruto mumbled then stopped him.
"I don't have an older brother."
Kakashi pulled his hand back and clenched his fists. He always felt it odd that a few simple words could make the human heart feel like it was breaking in two. He walked around the couch and let himself carelessly fall down on it on the other end. He didn't have anything to say to that statement no matter how much it had hurt him to hear it.
"I suppose that's true." Was all Kakashi could mumble in return. The words sounding hollow even to his own ears.
They weren't exactly brothers anymore, hadn't been for a long time, and Kakashi certainly didn't want them to go back to that considering how he felt about the boy now.
So why the hell did it hurt so much to hear that.
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Naruto studied the man sitting next to him on the couch, he was still shaking from his panic attack and a bit disoriented. He didn't have a clue where they were, he didn't know a lot of things right now it seemed. He'd always had the feeling that he'd known Kakashi for a long time but never thought anything about it; lots of people were always saying how they felt like they'd known each other for years after only being together for a while so Naruto had just chalked it up to being something similar to that. And then it turns out that he'd actually known the man, or the man had known him.
And he'd never said anything about it.
Naruto ran one shaky hand through his hair and swallowed a few times before he managed to croak out. "whe-when were you going to tell me?" He cleared his throat, getting bolder once he'd started talking, and pierced Kakashi with a hard look. "Were you ever going to tell me?"
"I…" Kakashi started before he paused. Shaking his head to clear it up a bit. He was going to continue but Naruto had seen his headshake and misunderstood it as a negative response to his question.
"What the hell do you want from me?" Naruto snapped at him. "Is this some sick joke, I know you think it's funny to fuck with my head but I never thought you were this cruel!"
"I didn't mean…"
"You didn't mean what?" Naruto cut him off. "To mess with me? You've already done plenty of that! To lie to me? When the hell have you ever told me the truth!" Naruto was yelling now. "Didn't mean to get caught? To lead me on like you actually felt something for me? What the fucking hell do you want from me!" Naruto screamed as he stood up from the couch and rounded on Kakashi.
The man just sat there completely still, not even a small sign of the slightest discomfort visible on him, like he was just having a relaxed conversation with a friend. It infuriated Naruto even more.
"Naruto please…" Kakashi said, his voice still sounded tortured and hollow to him but Naruto was too angry to notice, he mistook the hollowness for calm. "Let me explain…"
"No, you know what. Fuck you!" Naruto bit out. "And fuck your explanations! I could have used them before this whole thing started but it's a little too late now, I don't wanna hear it just because you're sorry you got caught and want to make yourself feel better." He stormed away from the couch and towards the door before he stopped and turned around again. "You couldn't be there for me after my parents died! You couldn't be there when I needed someone the most in my life! Some older brother figure you were." He said to Kakashi's stiff back. "Well I turned out just fine without you and I'll continue to be just fine without you in the future! I don't need you…" Naruto took a deep breath before he breathed out. "Just do what you did back then and leave me the fuck alone, it shouldn't be that hard."
He turned back towards the door and stormed out. If he'd staid in the room he might have seen the loan tear slide down Kakashi's cheek before it got absorbed in his mask. He might have seen the man shakily wipe away the second one before it could escape the single eye that was staring blankly at the opposite wall. But Naruto had been to upset and angry to notice much and Kakashi had been to numb from guilt and pain to say much.
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Naruto had just made it down the hall and found the elevators when he felt someone approach him from behind. He turned around with a glare, hoping and not hoping that Kakashi had come after him. He stamped down on the disappointment he felt when his glare fell on Tsunade instead of the man he'd just left. He was just about to open his mouth when the elevator opened and Tsunade pushed him in and punched in the button for the top floor.
Naruto didn't notice what button she pushed, he was too busy kicking the elevator wall and swearing.
Tsunade took one look at the boy before she gave an audible sigh and rubbed the bridge of her nose. She'd promised herself that she wasn't going to interfere this time but she'd been standing in the shadows outside the room Kakashi and Naruto had been in and heard the blonds final words. She'd wanted to make sure the two of them would work things out but apparently Naruto had flared up before Kakashi could even begin and knowing how Kakashi was he'd probably sunk into himself and just taken it. The young man was completely incapable of lifting a finger against the boy even if it meant defending himself.
Well there was nothing for it now. Tsunade would have to interfere. This thing was going to get settled soon even if she had to lock them up in the holding cells they had and force them to stay there until they'd worked things out. What she needed to do now though was to force the blond brat to listen.
When the boy kicked the elevator wall again and called Kakashi names Tsunade lost her patience, instead of waiting for the elevator to reach her office she hit the emergency stop button and rounded on Naruto.
"What the hell" Naruto snapped when the elevator stopped but shut his mouth again when he caught the look on Tsunades face. He'd been too mad to pay her much attention but the deadly glare she was sending his way now made it pretty impossible for him to look away now. Tsunade was even better than Iruka in angry glares.
"Do you know why Kakashi wears masks?"
It took Naruto a few seconds to process the question which Tsunade had asked in a quiet hard voice. He swallowed a few times nervously before he answered.
"No, he never told me."
"Did he ever take it off in front of you?" Tsunade asked again in that quiet voice that still managed to cut right through him like when Iruka yelled at him.
"N…" The denial died quickly on his tongue when he remembered last night. "Only once… but it was pitch black so I couldn't see his face." After hesitating for a minute he asked annoyingly, some of his anger coming back. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"More than you can ever know." Tsunade said cryptically. Naruto was going to ask more questions but Tsunade waved him to silence again. "Did he explain why he wears it?"
"No." Naruto ground out through his teeth, annoyed that he was getting this question again.
"Did you even give him a chance to?" Tsunade asked him with a look that felt like she wasn't looking at him so much as looking right into his very core.
Naruto fidgeted a bit before he mumbled defiantly. "No, I don't need to hear his excuses."
Tsunade crossed her arms under her breasts and leaned against the elevator wall. Why did she have to be saddled with idiots who were too broken or stubborn to realize that they needed each other? And then she remembered that it was probably partially her fault that this had happened. She'd been the one who made the decision to split them up in the first place, she might not have come up with the idea herself but she'd had final say in it as the head of the organization after the death of Naruto's father. She should have known Kakashi wouldn't be able to stay away indefinitely.
"When Kakashi was 14 something happened in his life that completely broke him." At Naruto's curious look Tsunade rolled her eyes before continuing. "I'm not going to tell you the story, it is Kakashi's alone to tell when he wants to."
"Your father, despite all the discouragement he got, decided to take the boy in. Kakashi himself has said many times that that single act of kindness was what saved his life but it's not entirely true." Tsunade's hard stare turned softer. "Minato wasn't the only one who saved his life that time. What did save his life was you." She said as she put her hand on Naruto's shoulder and looked him directly in the eyes. "You were 4 years old at the time and from the very first moment you met you idolized him. In your eyes he could do nothing wrong and slowly but surely you managed to convince him that he wasn't as bad as he himself felt he was. And in return Kakashi cared about you more than he ever let himself care about anything in his life then."
Naruto sank against the adjoining wall of the elevator near Tsunade. "Then why… Why did he just leave?" Naruto ground out, but the force in his voice was gone.
Tsunade closed her eyes against the regret before she caught Naruto's eyes again. "Because I ordered him to." She said quietly.
"What?" Naruto stared back in confusion. He really couldn't begin to comprehend what on earth was going on. He had no idea where he was or what on earth Tsunade was doing here, or how she was connected to his dad or his work. He'd thought she was a lawyer since she'd handled all of his custody cases but he had a feeling she was a lot more than that. Kakashi had said that he'd been in training or in Special Forces or something when he was younger and Tsunade had just said she'd given him orders. He didn't have a lot of time to figure anything out because Tsunade began talking again.
"Kakashi was the one who found you… after the attack. He went with you to the hospital and he never once left your side after you came out of surgery. They barely managed to sit him down long enough to tend to the cut on his face he was so set on getting to you."
"He was hurt?" The image of Kakashi's blood covered face flashed in Naruto's mind again and he shivered.
"A single cut on his left cheek, nothing serious but it needed stitches and would leave a scar. No matter how much we asked him he never told us how he got it."
"Is that why he…" Naruto waved his hand numbly in front of his face indicating the mask. He could barely speak now, the story and his words earlier both weighing heavily on his mind.
"No." Tsunade squeezed his shoulder once reassuringly, although who she was trying to reassure she didn't know. "Kakashi doesn't wear a mask to cover any physical scars. He never even covered up his eye until after that day."
"What… what happened?" Naruto whispered.
Tsunade sighed, she really wished Kakashi could have told Naruto about this himself but the wound of that day was still so ingrained in him that she wasn't sure he'd ever manage to tell Naruto just what had happened. Kakashi didn't show it but she knew that deep down the hurt still lingered in him, festering because Kakashi had locked it down before it had a chance to heal.
"You have to understand, Kakashi was willing to give up everything for you. He was only 16 then but he came to me and begged me to be allowed to take care of you." Another squeeze on the shoulder she still clung to. "He wanted to adopt you Naruto. It would have meant the end of his career or any further education he might have had but he didn't care. He said he'd give up everything he ever owned as long as he didn't have to give up you. And I was willing to help him achieve it."
Tsunade took a deep breath before she took the final plunge.
"But then you woke up. You took one look at him and then started screaming, you had a complete mental breakdown. It took days before you recovered enough, before you were coherent enough, for us to question you… and what we found wasn't good. You hadn't only blocked out everything that happened during the attack, you'd completely forgotten everything about Kakashi too. But it wasn't just that, if it was I would have been inclined to allow you two to stay together, but every time you saw his face you had a panic attack… he couldn't even be in the same room as you."
"So I ordered him to never contact you again." When the silence had stretched out for a couple of minutes Tsunade finally answered her own question. "The day you woke up Kakashi took a surgical mask and covered his face. Maybe he was hoping that by hiding his wounds you wouldn't be upset, or maybe he had a feeling that his face was the trigger. Whatever it was it didn't work… but Kakashi never stopped wearing the masks."
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Kakashi didn't know how long he'd sat there after Naruto left, it might have been mere minutes or it might have been hours. The pain he was feeling was paralyzing and his thoughts were sinking him further and further into depression.
"I don't need you!"
Naruto had been right, he hadn't been there for him when he needed him the most so what the hell was he doing trying to be there for him now. He'd lost the right a long time ago. The boy had been fine before he selfishly forced himself into his life again, all the while telling himself that his actions were justifiable. They weren't, he just wanted them to be. He'd barged into the boy's life with lies and half truths and convinced himself that he could just fix it all later. Like anything he had to say for himself could ever make up for what he did.
Everything he touched came crumbling down in the end. He hadn't paid any attention to his father's troubles until he found him in his study, lying in a pool of blood from the bullet hole he'd put through his head.
He'd been the one who refused to go after Rin when a rival gang had kidnapped her, he'd been too mad over losing his eye in a previous fight; Obito had gone after her alone. He'd finally manned up and gone after them both, he'd found Obito in time but it had been too late for Rin. She'd been beaten and raped before they got to her and in their escape they'd lost Obito. It had been his idea to use that broken down elevator. All he remembered was that sick feeling of falling and Rin's scream before he'd woken up in the hospital with a few broken or fractured bones and Obito's eye implanted instead of the one he'd lost, it wasn't a perfect transplant which had caused the eye to turn red but other than a slight vulnerability to light it worked fine. Kakashi didn't even know what had happened to Rin after that day, he'd never tried looking for her again.
And finally Kakashi had been sleeping in his apartment across the hall when Naruto's uncle had murdered his parents. He was supposed to have been there but he'd been tired after practice and wanted to lie down before he went over to play with Naruto on his birthday. He'd been trained to fight since he was a kid! He could have done something on that day if he'd just been there. Instead he'd been woken up by Naruto's screams and only arrived there in time to save Naruto. The sickening sound he'd heard when he'd smashed a chair on the man's head still echoed in his head even to this day. He didn't know if it had been the sound of the chair or the man's scull breaking or a combination of both and he wasn't sure he wished to know.
It had been his first kill. He didn't regret it, not for a single moment because the man had been getting ready to deal the final blow to Naruto with that knife and specially not now when he knew it had been the man's heart that really saved Naruto's life. But the feeling of that chair in his hands and the sound still lingered in the back of his mind, a constant reminder of the fact that if he'd only been there sooner he might have been able to save more lives.
"You couldn't be there when I needed someone the most in my life!"
Kakashi took a deep shuddering breath before he buried the pain. The Kakashi who had a right to feel anything had died the day he'd failed to save his father, any attempt to revive him had only resulted in more deaths or pain.
He got up off the couch and headed for the room he still had in the building. He hadn't used it after Tsunade had convinced him to take a break from Anbu; she'd said it would be good for him to leave it all behind for a while. He'd go see her tomorrow about being re-instated, he'd been away long enough. Gai could take over his club at the school and Sarutobi could probably find someone else to take over the few classes he had. That life hadn't been meant for him anyway.
Kakashi didn't even bother looking at the elevator this time, there was no way he'd go into it in the mood he was in so he just headed for the stairs and trekked up the 20 floors to his room.
When he stepped out of the stairwell his heart missed a beat and his stomach did a weird flip. Naruto was standing outside the door to his rooms.
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Tsunade stepped forwards and punch in a floor number to get the elevator moving again, the floor she guessed Kakashi would be on right now. She'd done what she could; hopefully the two of them could work the rest out by themselves.
She looked back at Naruto, he was standing with his head bowed, his body slumped into the corner like it was too weak to hold him up.
When the elevator came to a stop she grabbed his upper arm and gently urged him out of the elevator. Before she let him go she made sure to catch his eyes. "He would have given up everything for you, probably still will. You're not the only one who's damaged Naruto, Kakashi has many demons he has to live with and if you want him to open up then you yourself have to open up to him." Tsunade pointed down the hall before the elevator doors closed. "5th door on the right. Just give him a chance to explain and if you still want to break the walls of my elevators and curse his name after he does then I'll gladly let you."
Naruto walked slowly towards the door she'd pointed out. He had no idea what he would say to the man now. He'd let his temper control him earlier and he'd said some very hurtful things without giving the man any chance to defend himself. He still wasn't happy about the deceit but now that he knew some of their past, now that he knew Kakashi's motives, most of his anger had left him.
While he stood there thinking about everything that had happened something Kakashi had said two days ago came back to him. When Naruto had asked him straight out what they were to each other Kakashi had told him that he wasn't playing with him, granted the man could have been lying but what he'd said next suggested otherwise.
"I don't know where this is going and I can't promise you anything. I won't push you but if this is something you want then I certainly won't stand in your way or let you down if I can help it… You can... trust me on this. I will never intentionally hurt you."
Kakashi hadn't pushed him to do anything that he didn't want, he'd let Naruto decide where their relationship would go, and he still remembered the hesitant tone Kakashi had used when he'd asked him to trust him not to hurt him. The man had known then that Naruto would find out eventually, which meant he'd either planned on telling him himself or at least be there for him when he found out.
He was still standing there on the verge of knocking and trying to come up with something to say when he heard shuffling behind him. When he turned around Kakashi was standing there, his body posture looked relaxed but now, not being blinded by anger, Naruto looked into his eye and saw just how much pain the man was trying to hide.
"Hey." Naruto finally managed in a quiet voice when the silence between them became deafening. It wasn't any of the profound words of apology or questions he'd been planning on asking the man but it was a start and it seemed to be enough for now because Kakashi exhaled slowly, a tremor so small you'd have missed it if you weren't paying attention passing over his body.
He reached up and rubbed his covered eye, the first sign of weakness because his hands were shaking noticeably, before he looked at Naruto like he didn't really believe he was there.
"Hey." He whispered back.
After a few more minutes of silence Kakashi reached around Naruto and opened his door. "Come inside… please." He added almost painfully. He stood and held the door open until Naruto stepped gingerly into the room, hesitating momentarily like he didn't really know what to do once there while Kakashi closed the door.
Kakashi pointed him towards a couch further inside the room, a small kitchen corner and living room combined, and waited for him to sit down before he perched on the coffee table opposite him.
Before Kakashi could speak again Naruto rushed in. "Look, I'm… sorry. I should have let you expl…"
"No." Kakashi cut him off. "You had every right to be angry… And I had no right to do that to you in the first place." His gaze fell on his fists that were clenched in his lap. "You don't have anything to apologize for."
Kakashi took a deep breath before he looked back up and met the blue eyes that were studying him. "I won't ask you to forgive me, I'm not sure my actions deserve it, but I'll answer all your questions, you must have at least some after all this. I swear I never lied to you, not directly, and I won't do so now."
Naruto paused for a moment before he smiled slightly. "What's your favorite color?"
Kakashi blinked in confusion. "What?"
"It was one of the first questions I ever really asked you and you never answered it truthfully."
Kakashi chuckled and rubbed his eye again, it might not have been the boy's intention but he relaxed for the first time in what seemed like ages. The tension leaking out of him like the breath he was exhaling.
"Well it's not orange I can tell you that." He said half teasingly. "And it's not black either even though I seem to dress in little else." Eventually he said quietly. "I like midnight blue and gray, reminds me of a calm night."
"How did you get the scar?" Naruto asked then almost in a whisper, like saying it louder would possibly hurt the man more.
Kakashi studied him with a thoughtful look in his eye.
"You're not going to ask about the mask?" He didn't ask how the boy knew about the scar, he had a feeling the answers were closely connected in any event and asking about the mask would have made more sense.
Naruto looked uncomfortable when he answered. "Tsunade cornered me in the elevator when I left. She… told me why you started wearing it."
"You really don't remember anything?"
"No. I only remember letting Atsushi, my uncle, in and then I only know what everyone's told me since." He looked up at the man opposite him. "No one ever mentioned you."
Kakashi shook his head slightly before he went on, he needed to know how much Tsunade had told him before he went on, he doubted she'd told Naruto the whole story but he could always hope the woman had decided to spare him the hard parts for once. "Did she tell you anything about how it ended… how your uncle died?" He asked, fixing Naruto with an intense look.
"No." Naruto said as he looked away from Kakashi's eyes. "She only told me that you'd staid with my family since you were 14 and… that you'd been willing to sacrifice everything to keep me after my parents died… and why you couldn't do it in the end." He looked back up at Kakashi then. "I'm really sorry for what I said. I didn't know."
"Shh, I told you. You have nothing to be sorry for." Kakashi stood up then and sat down next to Naruto, he wanted to be close to the boy when he told him this but he didn't want to force him to look at him while he did. This way the boy was free to look at something else if he wanted.
"I hit him over the head with a chair."
Naruto snapped his head around to look at Kakashi. "You… Did he…" Naruto motioned his left cheek where his uncle had carved the whisker marks into his own cheek.
Kakashi was silent for so long that Naruto began to worry, the look he finally got from the man didn't help either, and then Kakashi finally spoke again and his blood ran cold.
"No. When I hit him your uncle was just about to kill you, he didn't even see me coming, and he dropped the knife when I hit him."
Naruto flashed back to the same memory he'd had right before his panic attack earlier that day. He could almost feel the knife falling out of his hands as the paramedics picked him up.
He didn't realize he was gulping in air until he felt Kakashi's hand grip his and heard him call his name. He focused back on the gray eye looking at him in concern. "It was me." It wasn't a question, he didn't need to ask, and the answer was clearly written in Kakashi's eye. "Show me." He whispered.
"Naruto." Kakashi all but choked out.
"Please… I need to see it."
Kakashi made no move to remove either his mask or the bandanna but he closed his eye momentarily and then gave a slight nod of his head. Naruto hesitated and then moved closer so that he was kneeling on the couch next to Kakashi, leaning over him slightly. Then he reached up and removed the bandanna first. Kakashi's left eye was closed, making the scar running vertically over his eye look like a whole line, and when he opened it Naruto looked for the first time in a very long time into the mismatched eyes.
Before he went on to take the mask off he asked a question that had popped into his head at seeing the eyes. "Why did I call you Take-nii-san?"
Kakashi's eyes lit up momentarily with something acing to fondness and Naruto found that he couldn't look away.
"You were 4 when I came to live with you, you had nicknames for everything because you rarely bothered to say full words, I was 14 and full of rebellion and I very adamantly refused to be called Kashi the first time you tried. I didn't even try to discourage you when you immediately jumped on to Take from my last name, I was afraid you'd find something worse to call me." Kakashi laughed quietly then. "You used to call your mom Kushy when you were asked what her name was."
Naruto chuckled sadly while he changed his position on the couch to something more comfortable than leaning sideways in front of Kakashi. He didn't even notice that he was now straddling the man, it felt so natural. "I don't remember that." He said regretfully before he reached up and hooked his index fingers under the edge of the mask.
Kakashi stiffened momentarily, remembering the reason why he wore the mask in the first place, but Naruto hadn't even flinched when he saw his eyes so he pushed the urge to grab the mask and hold it in place down and let Naruto pull it off.
And then Naruto brushed his thumb over the scar on his cheek and he breathed out the air he didn't know he'd been holding in.
"Why did I do it?" He asked sadly.
Kakashi reached up and held Naruto's hand up against his cheek before he could pull it away, turning just slightly and kissing his palm before he held it against his cheek again. He never wanted Naruto to feel like he couldn't touch him there now that he'd started.
"You weren't yourself." Kakashi reassured him. "Once I'd pushed your uncle out of the way all I thought about was getting to you, looking back it was probably the best lesson I could have gotten about not lunging at someone who's just been under attack. All you saw was someone coming at you and you grabbed the knife that had dropped in front of you and swung it at me before I could dodge entirely. It was my own fault really as much as yours." Kakashi said truthfully. Naruto didn't quite believe that but Kakashi seemed to think so and therefore Naruto didn't feel as guilty about it as he would have.
Finally Naruto gave into the need to be closer to Kakashi and leant forwards and rested his head against the man's shoulder. "So what happens now?" He whispered when he found those strong arms circle his back and hold him close.
"Whatever you want." Kakashi breathed back. "I'll give you everything within my power to give, even if it means giving you my absence."
Naruto raised his head so he was level with Kakashi's face. "I'm not sure I could stand loosing you now." He said honestly before he leaned forward and kissed Kakashi for the first time on the lips.
And when Kakashi slid his tongue into his mouth Naruto felt he probably never could.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x..x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
I got sick of calling Naruto's uncle "Naruto's uncle" or variations of "Him" so I named him Atsushi. It means Pure ambition and kind of fits him perfectly compared to the idea of him I have in my head at the moment.
Oh and next chapter will be the pure smut that follows this one.
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