All In | By : momhuey8 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 1711 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
"Does that mean you aren't going to answer?"
"Answer what?"
"I was just talking to you and asked you a question."
"Oh. I wasn't listening."
Sasuke had always wondered how Naruto did it. How did his friend keep smiling in the face of all the dangers, all the wrongs in his life?
He supposed that Naruto’s outlook stemmed from the fact that he’d started out with nothing and had gained everything; he’d learned to look up, forward. Sasuke’d had everything and then found himself with nothing; he’d learned to look down and backward.
But his life had come in a full circle. From that nothing, he now had everything once again. He found himself looking forward for the first time since he was a small child. And he was being ungrateful.
Naruto brought hope and optimism into Sasuke’s life. In spite of the injustice of having the demon inside him, the hurt of the villagers’ resentment, and the unfairness of the council’s decision about the cuffs, Naruto never lost his optimism.
For years, Sasuke had no plans, no goals, except those that ended in the death of his brother, and himself. Now Sasuke had dreams of a future filled with fire and sunshine. There would be a family. There would be a legacy. There would be bright tomorrows as long as they lived and beyond.
But now Sasuke watched as his friend walked through their home, sad, cheerless. He imagined he could feel the warmth recede as it does in shadow. He’d been mean and unfair. He realized he was a cloud blocking his very own sunshine. Who did he think he was to extinguish that light, douse the flame?
So Naruto didn’t get angry; Naruto wouldn’t get angry. That was Naruto, his Naruto. Sasuke was the fighter, the volcano. Naruto was not.
And Sasuke wouldn’t change him.
He found Naruto on the roof looking toward Hokage Mountain and squatted in front of him.
“Hey? Could I interest you in a walk to the tea shop?”
When Naruto just looked at him a moment, Sasuke stood and held his hand out, “Maybe take the long way?” he enticed. “I really enjoy your company.”
Naruto dropped his head and picked at the hem of his pants.
“Naruto, please,” Sasuke whispered and dropped to his knees, “don’t shut me out.”
He wrapped his arms around Naruto’s shoulders and buried his face in Naruto’s neck. “I’m so sorry. Forgive me.”
“Sasuke.” Naruto smoothed his hair. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I did,” Sasuke said. “But I didn’t mean to.
“I’m just so afraid,” Sasuke said, wiping wet cheeks on Naruto’s shirt. He lifted his head and looked into golden eyes, “I felt your life bleed away. I watched your soul leave your body.”
“I’m so sorry,” Naruto whispered, holding Sasuke close. “I’m making you so unhappy, ruining your life…”
“No, Naruto, never.”
“I only want your happiness,” Naruto said. “That’s all.”
“I’m happy when we’re together,” Sasuke whispered.
Sasuke stood at the full-length mirror naked from a shower. Naruto caught his eyes in the reflection and, predictably, walked up to the smaller shinobi and wrapped his arms around him from behind.
"Hey gorgeous."
"Gorgeous, huh? So you like my body, Dobe?"
Naruto's eyelids drooped, and he rested his chin on the pale shoulder. "It’s the most perfect thing the gods ever created."
He watched as Sasuke stared at their reflection in the mirror, dark eyes roving up and down the image.
Something about the look on Sasuke's face made Naruto raise his head and look, too. Really look.
He didn't know why, but suddenly, all he could see were their differences. Black hair brushing against blond. Human eyes staring at amphibian. Pale skin against tan. Lean, lithe body versus stockier build. They were the same height, but Naruto could see the outline of his frame, broader, wider than the male in front of him.
"Do you, uhm, like mine?"
"Of course." There was something…distant in Sasuke's tone. "But I though you said this one was perfect." He rubbed his hands down his own chest and winked.
"So it's my job to take care of you, and by extension, your money."
"I've been doing okay so far."
"How do you even know? "Sasuke's bark of laughter stopped whatever Naruto was going to say. "I'm an Uchiha. Do you really think you know more about money than I do?
“Just leave your information out and I'll take care of everything from now on."
“Are you still working on that damned door?” Naruto found Sasuke on the east side of the complex sorting through a pile of rice paper rolls.
He threw his arm smartly in the air and then aimed it at the door. “Hantei Kachi! Winner by decision!”
Sasuke raised a brow. “Now that hardly seems fair since the door’s had three years to prepare for this match and I’ve only had about an hour.”
“Yeah, right. What about the last two days?’
Sasuke frowned. “What are you talking about? I just started on this after breakfast, just before you went to Sakura’s. I trained with Neji while you were gone and here I am.”
It was Naruto’s turn to frown. His eyes lost focus for several seconds and then he winced. “But, I…quit joking around.”
Sasuke stood up and eyed his friend warily. This wasn’t the first strange conversation he’d had with him lately.
“But, I’ve slept two nights since…”
“Since when do you have so much trouble keeping track of time?”
“I don’t know.” He rubbed his neck. “Maybe it has to do with these fucking headaches.”
“Headaches?”
“Oh, well, yeah. But it’s nothing. It’s only been for a couple of weeks.” Sasuke’s eyes narrowed and he put his hands on his hips. Naruto raised his palms. “It’s fine. I was going to tell the old hag next time I saw her.”
Sasuke studied Naruto for a moment. “You better.”
“I will love you until the day you die.”
"Do you like being bigger than me?"
"Eh?"
"Do you like being bigger than me? You know, does it make you feel like the guy in our
relationship?"
"I...the guy? I don't know what you mean? I...don't feel like...I don't understand? Do you wish I was...different?"
"Don't be silly. Let's get dressed."
Sasuke stood at the door leaning against the jamb. He was laughing and talking to someone on the porch.
“Dating Naruto is great. You get a real man and a real woman.”
"Naruto, eat!"
"I'm not hungry."
"What is wrong with you? Are you sick?" He leaned forward. "Is that even possible?"
"I, uh, ate earlier."
"Earlier than what? We just got up."
"Stop bugging me." Naruto scraped his chair back and stalked out of the room.
Sasuke stared in bewilderment at the untouched food in front of Naruto's seat. As far as he could tell, the blond hadn't eaten more than a dozen bites of food in the last week.
He'd normally let his friend make his own eating decisions, but he was losing weight and there were other things that didn't seem right.
He hoped Naruto would either talk to him about it, or snap out of it soon, because he was really beginning to worry.
“I will love you until the day you die.”
“I don’t know what your friends are talking about. I actually enjoy hearing the sound of your voice constantly.”
Naruto pulled his pants out of his bag and winced as he felt it drag across the kunai he'd tossed in there.
The pulled the garment the rest of the way out and felt his stomach churn when he saw the damage. It was irreparable; the zipper was ruined. Since it left him with only two pair that fit now, he had no choice; he'd have to buy more.
This meant asking Sasuke for some of his own money.
Later, his palms sweating and his heart hammering, he approached Sasuke.
"Hey, I...uhm...I..."
"What's wrong?" Sasuke asked.
"I...uhm...need to buy some more pants."
Sasuke blinked. "So."
"I was wondering...that is," Naruto swallowed, "can I have some money?"
"What?" He looked at Naruto, dumbfounded. He shook his head as if to clear his hearing and repeated, “You want money. For pants."
Naruto's face flamed and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh…n…never mind." He started backing out of the room.
"Naruto, wait." Sasuke felt uneasy. Naruto was acting stranger and stranger. This request made no sense whatsoever; his friend had more money than he did. Even so, it seemed to mean a lot to Naruto.
Still shaking his head in confusion, he took money from the pouch at his hip and held it out. "Here."
Naruto just looked at it and Sasuke had this feeling that Naruto was going to cry.
Finally Naruto did back out of the room, not looking at Sasuke. "Never mind. I'll make do."
The next day Naruto was completely humiliated to find a new pair of pants on his bed.
“I will love you until the day you die.”
“It really hurts me to hear your friends make fun of you behind your back. So feel free to use my stuff.”
Naruto read the note sitting on the bathroom sink under a stick of deodorant and a tube of toothpaste.
He felt sick to his stomach.
Naruto was asleep again. At first Sasuke thought that Naruto was staying up on guard duty and catching up on some sleep during the day. But now he'd come to realize that the blond was just sleeping all the time. He slept all night right next to him and then was sleeping all day.
When he tried to get him up, Naruto would either get up and drag himself around for a while or just give Sasuke a weird, speculative look and then roll over and face the other way.
Sasuke didn't know what to do. He'd tried tempting the blond with food, which never worked and more recently, with trips to visit friends.
The last time he'd mentioned that, Naruto had snapped at him, "No. Don't ever ask me that again."
Even though he didn't think Naruto could get sick with bacteria or viruses, he began to wonder if the Kyuubi wasn't causing him problems. The cuffs had been on a long time now, interfering with both sets of chakra.
Kami knew the blond was looking terrible. His skin was taking on a grayish color and in spite of all the extra sleep lately, he had bags under his eyes.
"Dobe, get the hell out of bed. I know there is something wrong with you. If you won't tell me, then maybe you'll tell the Godaime. She can..."
"Leave me alone," Naruto muttered. "I'm just tired."
Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Maybe you wouldn't be if you'd eat something. You look like shit."
Naruto looked so hurt, that Sasuke took a step back. "I'm sorry, Naruto. I only meant that you look like..." He could think of no other way to phrase his thoughts on the changes in Naruto's body.
"I'm sorry." He crawled into bed with the blond and pulled him into his arms. Naruto was stiff for several long moments and then finally relaxed.
As the blond fell asleep, Sasuke thought he might sneak out and go see Sakura. She'd spent several afternoons a week with him for the past couple of months now. Maybe she had some insight.
Sliding out of bed carefully, Sasuke slipped out the house and across the rooftops to Sakura's apartment.
"Hi." Sasuke smiled at Sakura as she let him into her apartment. "You look great. How are you feeling?" He put his arms out in a silent request for a hug.
"Sasuke, it is so great to see you," she spoke into the warmth of his embrace. "But where's Naruto? Are you supposed to be here without him?"
He stepped back, his arms still around her and brushed her hair back off her brow.
"I snuck out. I needed to talk with you." He guided her to the couch. "It's about him."
Gods! Sasuke was here, alone. And she was in his arms.
"I'm so glad you came. I've wanted to talk with you about him. Do you want some tea?"
"Yes please." He followed her to the kitchen. "You really do look great."
"There is no need do say such things. I know better."
"What do you mean?" he asked. She just looked at him. "You mean the scars?"
She frowned in response.
He smirked. "We're ninja, we have scars. Seen mine lately?" She still just looked at him.
"Here," he said. Then right before her eyes he removed his shirt and turned around. On his back were several horrendous looking gashes. When he turned, she could see his chest and abdomen had hundreds of small white scars and burns. One large section near his hipbone was completely disfigured.
"And here," he pulled up one pant leg. His left calf was missing a chunk of muscle. "See, we all have them."
"Not Naruto."
Sasuke deflated. "He does, believe me. Maybe more than anyone. His are just mostly on the inside."
He sank into the nearest kitchen chair and rubbed his face with his palms. "He's been acting different at home. I was wondering if you were seeing anything."
"Actually I have. He seems tired a lot." She brought the tea to the table and sat. "And moody. I thought maybe it was the guard duty, trying to stay awake night and day."
Sasuke shrugged. He didn't think this was hitting on the problem.
"But I had another idea."
"What?"
"You weren’t here to see it, but once Naruto came to terms with...your absence, he changed."
She took a sip. "People have always been hard on him here and I'm ashamed to admit I was no exception." She dropped her head attempting to look contrite.
“You know he left with Jiraiya for a couple of years." He nodded. "When he got back, I don't think he liked it here anymore. The village treated him like crap and you were gone.” She shrugged. “He took every long-term mission he could get. I don't think he ever slept in his apartment more than two nights in a row."
She blew on her tea, then continued, "When the chance for sage training came up, he leapt at it."
"So what are you saying?"
"He hasn’t had normal human interaction for years now. Except for Neji, it’s been toads and the Hunter nins."
She sipped some more.
"He’s always assigned the most dangerous missions, and they’re always solo, so he has to watch his own back. When he gets back he’s...twitchy. Jumpy. Paranoid. He barricades himself in his apartment for a day or two and then he's off again."
"He might just be suffering from claustrophobia." She patted his hand. "I'm sure you’re charming company,” she smirked, “but even that would drive someone crazy twenty-four seven. Maybe he needs some time apart."
This had Sasuke's attention. He had tried to sneak off to his meditation garden several times, not to meditate, but to be alone with his own mind for a while. And now that he thought about it, Naruto had encouraged it. Maybe the blond did need the space as much as, or maybe more than, he did.
He got up and came around the table. "I have to go now; I'm not supposed to be here." He pulled her up and into his arms again. "Is there anything I...we can do for you?"
"Yes. Come and see me anytime. Naruto may be okay without company, but I could use some."
He kissed her forehead, "Of course," he smiled at her. "I'll even get permission next time so I can make it a real visit."
She swatted at him and pushed him toward the door.
As she closed it behind him she wondered what developments this latest twist would bring.
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