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Searching for Something	By : jellybelle21 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1063 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 16
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Neji had a blinding headache. He was almost positive it was from releasing all that chakra earlier, despite the seal’s resistance. Hopefully someone had noticed it, because it could be days before he could manage it again, considering how weak he felt at that moment.

Suddenly, he saw a bit of light and heard voices approaching him. He tried to make himself alert, because if someone was coming it might mean there would be a chance for him to escape, and he didn’t want to let that slip by because he was exhausted and aching all over.

“—and he can’t even move now, so you don’t have to worry.” The voice sounded familiar, and Neji strained to make his fuzzy mind work, to try and place the face that went with that voice, but he did not have to strain himself. After another moment, his enclosure was illuminated, and he could see the speaker. It was one of the member’s of the main house. Neji thought his name was Kuroshi.

What? What is he doing here? Is he a spy, come to release me?

Neji felt a surge of hope even as he desperately moved his eyes around and almost gasped as he felt his finger twitch. For a second, he thought he was free, but then realized that while he could wriggle his fingers a fractional amount, and could finally move his mouth, he was still sealed. However, it was clear that the seal was weaker, either because all such seals need to be renewed regularly, or because of the surge of chakra from before upsetting the seal itself, or both. Whatever the answer was, he hoped his captors didn’t realize he was very slowly working himself free. It might mean he could escape, after all. He could see the seal extending to the walls of the cell he was in, bars between him and the two men outside. It was all very plain and industrial, like any cell you would expect to be locked in.

“Look, he’s awake.” Kuroshi lifted the lamp he was holding and in the flash of light, Neji saw that the companion behind him was another member of the main house, one whose name he could not recall at all.

What’s going on? Have I been captured by my own family? But why?

“Are you sure he’s safe?” the other man asked, and Kuroshi nodded, setting the lamp down and pulling out some keys, which he used to open the cell. He strolled over, careful not to disturb the seal, and reached down, rubbing Neji’s head like he was a child. It felt strange, and with a shock, he realized why. Suddenly, he knew why his head felt so cold.

My hair is gone. Why would they cut my hair off?

He wasn’t completely bald, but he could tell his hair was probably very short now. Ironically, with all his other concerns, he mourned the loss, but then he remembered Gaara laughing, saying how stupid he’d look with no hair, and rather than feeling sad, he suddenly felt resolved. He would get out of here. He would see Gaara again.

“He almost looks like Hinata-sama used to.” The other man laughed.

“She doesn’t have to cut her hair anymore.” Kuroshi shrugged. “Although if you ask me, she’s still bringing shame on the family.”

“Watch out, he’ll bite your ankles!” the other man laughed. “Neji loves our weak little heir, he wouldn’t want you to insult her.”

“I told you, he can’t do anything!” Kuroshi laughed as well. “Watch!” he pulled out a kunai and Neji rolled his eyes trying to see what was happening, but he knew when he felt a sharp pain on his arm. “I can get a hit in now, can’t I, you uppity brat?”

“You better heal that, Hiashi-sama said not to hurt him.” The other man said, and Kuroshi shrugged.

“You do it, I’m no good at that sort of jutsu.” Kuroshi put his kunai away without any concern, and the other man approached cautiously. “You look like you’re afraid he’ll eat you up.”

“He may be like this now, but Neji’s not someone you want to make angry.” The other man said. “He’ll act like he forgot about it, and then one day…I think I’ll just be as polite as possible while I’m here.”

”Whatever.” Kuroshi snorted. “Hasn’t he ever pissed you off? Acting like he’s part of the main family, learning our techniques even though he doesn’t understand anything we do. He wears the robes, but he doesn’t know the responsibility. He probably doesn’t even understand why we cut his hair. Branch house doesn’t follow that tradition, only we do.”

“Do you know what he did?” the other man asked, his voice wary as he bent to heal Neji’s wound. “Why did Hiashi-sama turn on him? He’s treated him like such a little pet for years and suddenly he cuts his hair and locks him in Solitude? It’s not like you get sent here for having an attitude.” Neji’s eyes widened as he realized where he was. He’d heard it mentioned before, but he didn’t know the location. Apparently, if someone in the main family did something unforgivable, they were sent into exile in a hidden place called Solitude. He thought it was some sort of metaphor, since he’d never seen any such place on the compound. He wondered where the entrance was. There was probably a tunnel, almost certainly coming from somewhere in the main house. He had never asked his uncle about it, since he thought it was just a rumor. He had a vague feeling that his hair had been shorn for the same reason, as well. He’d brought shame on the family. He felt a sudden pang as he remembered when Ino had asked Hinata what made her grow her hair out, and she’d shrugged and shaken her head. Her eyes had been sad, but he didn’t really care what length her hair was, so he had never thought about it before. Her father had made her wear it short until he decided she wasn’t shaming the family anymore.

“Yeah, he said to keep him in here for as long as it takes. He said it’ll probably only be a month, but it could be longer. Who knows?” he pulled out a needle and tapped the tip carefully before jabbing it into Neji’s arm. “Enjoy your dinner.” He sneered at Neji, putting the needle away once it was empty and turning back to the other man as if Neji wasn’t even there. “Apparently he told Hiashi-sama he’s not getting married, and that he wants to live with the Kazekage instead. So he decided to lock him up until he changed his mind.”

“You mean he’s gay?” the other man gave a nervous laugh. “What’s wrong with the branch house? Nothing good ever comes out of there. Their genius here…” he shook his head and backed away. “Sorry, Neji. No offense.”

“You’re such a crybaby.” Kuroshi mocked the other man. “I told you he can’t do anything.”

“Well, I don’t want to—“

“Oh, go eat your dinner and stop sniveling!” Kuroshi yelled. “Hey, leave the lamp!” he called, when the man grabbed it.

“Aren’t you coming?” he asked.

“In a bit. Just use your eyes.” He waved, and the other man subsided, disappearing into the dark passage and muttering to himself. Neji turned his gaze on Kuroshi, wanting to see if he dropped his keys or did anything else stupid. “Don’t worry, there was nothing weird in that shot, just nutrients, Hiashi-sama told us to make sure you were comfortable. So I thought you might like some cock, since I hear that’s your thing.” He laughed at his own joke and Neji began furiously trying to move as he saw Kuroshi lower his pants and pull up his lower robe, exposing his half-hard penis. Neji wasn’t sure what he was planning to do with that, but he was positive he didn’t want anything to do with it. “This is what got you here, right? Well, if you like it so much…” Kuroshi moved carefully, getting on his knees and moving Neji within the center of the seal so that he was on his chest, extremely uncomfortable, but much more concerned with the fact that there was a dick poking at his face insistently than with the rest of his situation.

“Oh, that’s right,” Kuroshi reached down and used his fingers to open Neji’s mouth. He tried to resist, but even though he had managed to close it before, he found that he was too weak to keep it shut. “There we go,” Kuroshi chuckled at the look of fury on Neji’s face. “Yes, yes, I can see you’re upset, just take it. You know you want it. Don’t act like you don’t.” and he guided himself into Neji’s mouth, causing the paralyzed man to gag slightly, but it seemed even his throat didn’t have any fight in it. “There you go, much better.” Kuroshi grabbed Neji’s head by the sides of his face and began bucking his hips into the slack mouth. “Yeah, you like that, don’t you?” he was getting harder, even though Neji imagined this couldn’t feel that great since he was not doing anything, since he couldn’t even do what he most desperately wanted to do and bite off the horrible thing in his mouth.

He could feel tears pricking the back of his eyes and he desperately willed them away. This was horrible, and he would definitely never rest until Kuroshi was dead, but he wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing him cry. He had a desperate thought that the other man might come back and stop him, that this could only go on so long anyway, he’d finish, and that would be it, and he’d just force himself to forget it. He tried to detach himself, and felt a pang of longing for Gaara. It was amazing how something that he happily did with Gaara could be made so horrible, so humiliating. He heard a rumbling in his ears, like a faint roar, and thought he would probably pass out with this man fucking his mouth. It was pathetic, he knew, but in that moment, he desperately wished that someone would save him from this. Then he heard the roaring turn into a crash, and realized it wasn’t in his head, as Kuroshi had just frozen with his dick still lodged deep in Neji’s mouth.

“Aoshi! Is that you?” there was no answer, and after a moment, he snorted. “Idiot.” Then he went on thrusting, and Neji tried to think of something other than what was happening, wishing that he’d gone to investigate the noise or something. He could barely remember this man, and he was clearly obsessed with making Neji pay for some imagined sleight from years ago. But then suddenly, he heard an odd noise, like someone being strangled, and he felt the hands leave his face, and he pulled out, and when Neji tried to look he found that he had fallen on his face and couldn’t see anything except that there was another pair of legs in the cell. It must be the other man. Finally.

“P—please!” Neji could swear that was Kuroshi’s voice, and then he heard something that made his heart soar.

“I let your friend live because the Hokage wished it, but I think she’ll forgive me for this.” The voice was unmistakable, and despite all his control, Neji felt the tears pouring from his eyes in relief, in despair at what had happened, in happiness that Gaara had come for him. He would never have thought he needed to be rescued, but he did. At that moment, he had wanted it more than anything, and Gaara had come, as though drawn by his need. There was a horrible squelching noise and Neji felt something splatter no his back, saw it spattering down in the cell, and knew that Kuroshi was dead, crushed by the sand. “Neji!” the voice went from deadly fury to concern at once, and Neji felt Gaara’s hands on him, untying the bindings that held him tight in case the seal failed.

“Aarr,” was as close as he could manage to Gaara’s name, as he could still only barely move his mouth at all, but the other man seemed to understand.

“I don’t know about this seal…maybe if I just…” Neji felt a horrible pain, and he thought it was his sore limbs being freed from the bonds, but then he saw that Gaara, not really one for delicate operations, was attempting to simply crumble the stone it covered, and the pain it was causing Neji was excruciating. He didn’t even realize he’d cried out until the pain subsided, and he felt his body lifted and turned over, and the next thing he knew he was looking at Gaara, who had two wet tear tracks running down his dirty face.

Why would he cry…what happened to him?

“I won’t—“ two more tears spilled down his cheeks and his face contorted in pain. “I’m sorry.” He clutched at Neji, burying his face in the other man’s chest, and holding him so tightly Neji thought he might not be able to breathe.

It’s me. He’s crying because of me. Neji felt guilty and ashamed. Gaara had been forced to come and save him, and when he came running to the rescue, he saw Neji with another man…No, I can’t even think of that right now. Just focus on how to overcome this seal. I’ll need either to wait, or to have someone who’s a genius, or a member of the Hyuuga family, remove it.

“Gaara!” Neji couldn’t move his head to see, but he was almost positive that was Temari’s voice. “What are you…oh my—“

“Is that Neji?” Kankurou was there as well, it seemed. “What happened to his head?”

“I can’t…this seal. I can’t remove it.” Gaara’s voice was hoarse, and there was a long silence. Neji assumed his siblings had not seen Gaara cry in a very very long time, if ever.

“Hinata could probably try!” Temari sounded brisk, as though trying to gloss over everything bad. “Kankurou, go get the others.”

“But I—“

“Just go!” Neji was surprised to hear her voice shake, and then he heard the sound of Kankurou leaving and Temari approaching them. “Is he…is he hurt?”

“I don’t know, he can’t tell me. This seal…it’s immobility right?” Gaara asked her.

“Um…I think so.” She came into the edge of Neji’s vision, and he could see that there was relief and concern on her face. “What did they do to you?” she asked, clearly not expecting an answer, she reached over and touched his shorn head with a shaky hand. “I’m sorry, Gaara, I should have believed you. When Kankurou and I saw that hole, we realized you must have been right all along.”

“I should have known where he was right away. It was stupid not to think of underground.” He sounded like he felt there was no excuse for such an oversight, and Neji could see Temari hesitantly reaching out, squeezing his shoulder.

“If it weren’t for you, we’d all still be looking.” Temari told him and then brought her hand away and gasped, seeing blood on it. “You’re hurt!”

“No, that isn’t my blood.” He told her calmly. “I had to kill one of them.”

“Gaara, Tsunade will be angry…” Temari trailed off and sighed heavily.

“They were hurting him.” Gaara’s tone brooked no argument. “I had to kill him.”

“Hopefully they don’t demand a life in return.” Temari sounded strained. “If they do, we’ll tell them Kankurou or I did it. The Sand needs you too much.”

“Don’t.” Gaara told her. “I’m glad I killed him. I’ll take any punishment.”

“Neji, I’m sorry this happened.” Temari addressed the man who still couldn’t move, and then they lapsed into silence. Gaara was absently stroking his fingers through Neji’s short hair, and he felt like even here, Gaara could put him at ease. He thought that he would fall asleep, and then he heard voices and pounding feet.

“—just up here!” Kankurou was calling as they came within hearing range, and then there was a confusion of voices and Neji felt overwhelmed. He couldn’t see how many people were there, and who they were, and he just wanted them all to go away, not to see him like this, completely controlled and subjugated by the family he had finally started to trust.

“Can you take it off?” he heard Gaara’s voice, and then heard Hinata’s reply.

“I will try, I think I can.” Neji closed his eyes as Gaara set him down and they all backed out of the cell, leaving him alone with his cousin, who had her hand pressed to his shoulder and her eyes closed as her other hand went through a series of seals, carefully, slowly. He could see what she was doing, and he felt sure she would be able to succeed. She didn’t think she was much of a ninja, but when the pressure was on, he knew Hinata could be counted on to do everything she could. “Ah!” she gasped, and her seals moved quickly, and suddenly, he felt as if a great weight had been removed. He moved his head experimentally, and then turned to her. She was biting her lip and looking down at him in worry.

“Thank you.” He spoke, in a voice hoarse from lack of use, and he could see she was staring at his head. She must know what all this meant, even if no one else could guess.

“Did they hurt you?” she asked, her tone soft and concerned.

“Not really.” He tried not to think of what had happened, tried not to think of the man whose corpse would now be too mangled to be recovered. He sat up and nearly fell again, but Gaara rushed forward, helping him up with a strained look on his face. “Thank you all.” He felt so ashamed. He had let himself become captured and made so many of his friends come to rescue him. What kind of ninja was he, after all? He stared at the ground, not wanting to see them pitying him.

“I’m sorry father—“ Hinata began, but he cut her off at once.

“Don’t apologize for him.” His voice was sharp, and she gasped, looking hurt, but Neji was too drained and had been through too much to worry about her. “Let’s go.” Gaara helped him move back the way they had come, with the others following behind, clearly concerned but wary of his poor temper.

“The hospital?” Gaara asked as they reached the shaft he’d come in through, and used a platform of sand to lift them both back out while the others walked up the wall.

“No, I’m just sore. Apparently my uncle told them not to hurt me.” He could see Gaara’s mouth tighten at this, and Neji knew he was seeing it again, what Kuroshi had done. “Just take me back with you. I can’t go to the compound now.”

“This was because of him…” Gaara’s voice was full of thinly veiled rage and Neji wondered if he would snap, and if he would be able to bring his lover back to reason if he did. He tried to stand on his own, and his legs nearly buckled. Gaara didn’t say a word, but his arm tightened around Neji’s waist. “Because of me.”

“Don’t blame yourself.” Neji told him. “My uncle doesn’t know how to handle anything that goes against his plans, so he reacts like this.”

“I should have been there.” Gaara’s tone was fierce, “None of this would have happened. I couldn’t protect you, and I should have.”

“You’re wrong.” Neji countered. “I never asked you to. I’m the one who was careless. I shouldn’t have to rely on you. I shouldn’t have to rely on anyone, and today…”

Gaara was silent as they returned to the tower, the group dispersing, promising to visit Neji when he was feeling a bit better. They were accompanied by Temari and Kankurou right to Gaara’s door.

“We’ll report everything to the Hokage. You can fill in the details later.” Temari offered, and Kankurou and she went toward the office while Neji managed a few clumsy steps to the bed and collapsed as Gaara closed the door. He took a long time removing his gourd, slowly detaching the straps from his jacket and discarding the red cloth on a chair. He sat down as though he was very weary while he pulled off his sandals, but he did not take off anything else. Neji didn’t know whether that was good or bad, or how he felt about it. He was so tired, and he hurt everywhere, inside and out.

“Were you tied up that whole time?” Gaara asked after a long time. Neji was surprised that he said anything. He was across the room, and he could see him if he craned his neck. The other man was completely unreadable. He couldn’t see whether he was angry or sad or what.

“All that I can remember.” Neji answered honestly, rolling over onto his stomach, trying to find a position where he didn’t ache so badly. He wanted to sleep, so he didn’t have to keep shoving down the memory of Kuroshi and what he’d done.

“He never untied you?” Gaara’s voice was so soft, Neji couldn’t tell whether he was concerned or still angry about what he’d seen. “Did he ever—“

“I wasn’t gone that long.” Neji grumbled irritably. “No, I wasn’t gang-raped by a bunch of assholes with a grudge against me. What you saw, that’s all he did, and if you don’t mind, I would prefer we pretend it never happened.”

“I keep seeing him…putting it in your mouth, making you…” Gaara made an odd snarling noise and Neji looked over to see he was clutching at his head as though he had a massive headache, or as though he was trying desperately not to lose control and go on a killing spree. Neji was pretty sure it was the second one.

“It’s not like I liked it. It was horrible.” Neji wasn’t sure if Gaara was jealous or just angry at the dead man.

“He touched you like that…” Gaara’s voice was so strained, Neji felt sure he was going to crack, he was going to explode, and he’d probably kill almost anyone he ran into. “Touched you like…like he owned you!”

“He’s dead.” Neji could tell Gaara was upset, but he didn’t really want to talk about this at all. Ever again.

“I love you.” Gaara’s voice cracked on the words. “I’m supposed to protect you, to show you that…but I couldn’t do it, and instead, because of me, you were hurt. I wanted you to love me, but now…how can you?”

“What?” Neji sat up at that, looking at Gaara who was still clutching his head, his breathing ragged, his face hidden. He’s crying. He’s crying because of me. I never wanted that. “You think because of that, I don’t love you anymore?”

“How can you rely on me?” Gaara’s voice was shaking.

“Do you think I need to rely on anyone? Because of what happened, you think I can’t protect myself?” Neji couldn’t help the anger that came into his voice. “I don’t need anyone!”

“But I wanted you…” his shoulders shook and he took a deep breath, continuing. “I wanted you to always…always rely on me. That way, you wouldn’t leave me, because I can’t…without you, I think I’ll lose myself completely. I…rely on you.”

“Oh.” Neji felt stupid. He had thought Gaara was trying to make him feel weak, but now he saw that what he was trying to say was that he couldn’t live without Neji, and Neji had callously refused the idea as foolish, because he hadn’t understood exactly what Gaara meant by relying on each other.

With a great effort, he pulled himself out of the bed, his limbs screaming protest as he stumbled over to Gaara, who looked up in shock, his face streaked with tears. “Don’t,” he let his legs buckle, and he fell to the ground, still sitting up shakily. He reached up to wipe away the tears with his hand. “I didn’t mean it that way. I thought you were saying I needed a bodyguard, and I got angry. I do need you, though. Not for protection, not for anything but this.” He lowered his hand and pressed it to Gaara’s heart. “Life can always be painful, and horrible things happen no matter what, no matter who you care about, or who cares about you. I would have escaped there eventually, even if no one came. But you came, and my friends, and it was embarrassing, having them see me so weak, having you see me like that…I was angry at myself for depending on you all so much. But when you came…when I first realized you were there, I was so happy I thought I’d burst. I love you, and I do rely on you, but you think if something goes wrong, I’ll forget all that and turn from you. I know that you’ve been hurt for so long, always alone…I know how it feels to be lost like that, but trust me. Trust this. You still love me after seeing…what you saw…right?”

“Of course.” Gaara’s voice barely wavered, his tears subsiding. “Why would I stop loving you because someone…did something detestable to you?”

“Well, I try to be perfect for you, and that was not…” his voice cracked, and he felt his body sagging, but this time Gaara held him up, comforted him.

“Look at me.” Gaara demanded. “Tell me what part of you isn’t perfect?”

“I…” Neji felt like something in him came undone, and he felt a wracking sob escape his throat, making his shoulders shake. Gaara frowned, picking him up easily even though he was smaller than Neji, and carrying him back to the bed. He laid him down carefully and kissed his forehead, and Neji felt his control return slightly. The tears subsided as Gaara climbed onto the bed and began rubbing his scalp the way Neji had often done to Gaara. Neji felt his tension easing away, and he calmed, feeling grateful to Gaara for just being there. After his breathing no longer hitched, and the tears no longer came, Gaara moved so that Neji was lying on the pillow, and pulled his left arm into his lap, moving his hands over it to rub out the aches caused by being restrained in such an uncomfortable position. It hurt a little, but it mostly felt amazing. Neji let Gaara take his shirt off so he had better access to the flesh underneath, and he let his eyes drift closed as Gaara worked on the other arm and then moved down to the legs. He was soon naked, and though Gaara was rubbing him as far up as his groin, it didn’t feel particularly sexual to Neji. He felt loved, and cherished, and completely safe even after all that had happened.

At Gaara’s urging, he flipped over onto his stomach, and the redhead rubbed his neck and shoulders and back, rubbing down his sore thighs and calves once more for good measure, and by the end of it, Neji felt so completely relaxed, he was surprised he was still conscious.

“Does that feel better?” Gaara asked. “Do I need to do it more?”

“Where did you learn that?” Neji wanted to know, and Gaara lay down beside him, burrowing against the naked man next to him.

“Some girl showed me.” He answered, and Neji knew it was someone he’d slept with. Strangely, he didn’t feel jealous, only interested.

“You’re…so good at it.” He yawned, and he knew he’d fall asleep. With a great amount of effort he pulled Gaara over on top of him like a human blanket and realized with a slight shock that his lover was extremely hard. His eyes flew open, and Gaara flushed slightly.

“I know you can’t right now.” He let his head rest on Neji’s shoulder. “I just…touching your skin…I couldn’t help it. You’re beautiful.”

“Even now?” Neji would have felt foolish, but he realized that if Gaara could let go of his pride here behind closed doors, so could he. “They cut my hair.” He would have been ashamed of the vanity there, but he knew that he cared more that Gaara had loved his hair so much, and now it was gone.

“Hair grows.” Gaara kissed his throat lazily. “It isn’t the only thing about you that I like. All of you is beautiful.”

“I love you.”

----

To be continued…
- 16
- 17
- 18
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