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Kyuubi the Bitch	By : Lechan Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3775 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
A. N. IMPORTANT NOTE!!!! READ THIS NOW! Several people have asked about Itachi’s roll and if I will continue to follow the original plotline of the anime/manga. For the first read my Fic “Foolishness” on fanfiction . Net. Its Itachi’s POV for this fic. As for the second issue FROM THIS POINT ON I AM NO LONGER FOLLOWING THE MANGA AND ANIME PLOT LINE. I have not read (completely) any further than this point in the manga. So I can’t continue with it, also this story has its own plot to follow. Sorry if I broke a few hearts, but I had to break away at some point, and this is it. Thank you for your time.

Kyuubi the Bitch

Naruto

Chapter 9: Death, Life, and Truth

            Well, this is a massive pile of suck. Naruto pouted, slumped epically upon a rock watching the darker shadows of night steal the warmth from the day, leaving only the silver chill of the moon as guardian, and he wanted to scream. I choose to live, find out I’m going to be a mommy—and isn’t that just fucking weird—and this stupid girl has already decided I’m a walking corpse. His lower lip stuck out further as his brows furrowed when his shoulders slumped.
A massive pile of suck.
            As if the mission wasn’t unusual already—what with the release of a demon, the chakra-sucking, element-changing psychos out to kill them, having a mission to protect a morbid, death-predicting, prissy Priestess without a backbone, and little chakra control that had ended in several embarrassing falls—and he barely gets started before he is told that he will die. What kind of bull shit was that?!
            Naruto played it off well enough, acting like he really wasn’t too concerned with it—at least after his initial freak out session when his heart had doubled its pace and he’d had horrified images of losing the baby and dying a bloodied death—but it was nearly consuming his mind. He knew that Kyuubi’s chakra would assist him in protecting his child, hell; he’d had proof in the few times he’d been struck in the gut. Sakura was lucky that she didn’t get hit with a chakra backlash like Kiba had when she’d struck him in the stomach. He’d thought for sure she would have when a sudden influx of chakra—causing nausea and a burning sensation he could really have done without—to engulf his middle just before the attack connected. He hardly felt the blow at all in the end and assumed it was something similar to what Kabuto had pulled while fighting Tsunade. All that Chakra pouring to his middle did dampen several blows and they had all had the same outcome. Of course Kyuubi grumbled and bitched the entire time, insulting him, his parentage, and his choice of a breeding partner—Naruto was still embarrassed by that little comment—but all the same, her chakra protected him, for no other reason than to protect her pride.
For once, he was grateful to her.
            Still, it did little good if he was going to die anyway.
            ~Kit, as amusing as your self-doubt and inferior emotions are when faced with your own imminent mortality, it is taxing and annoying.~ He had the impression that the demon was yawning, something he found himself doing a lot lately, along with throwing up at random times. Most often in the evenings just before or after dinner.
And all this time he thought morning sickness was restricted to the morning.
            He would have asked Sakura, but that required telling her about the baby and sex issue, and he had yet to find the nerve, and the balls to man-up to that conversation. And the middle of a mission was not the time to spring something like that on anyone, least of all on Sakura.
            Oh, I am so sorry for putting stress on you over something so small as, you know, us dying! If you haven’t noticed, we’re fighting against a demon! Naruto snapped sarcastically and was disappointed when it garnered him no response aside from quiet boredom.
            ~An inferior, untrained Demon created solely by man’s weaknesses… I was far more concerned about Shukaku, who might I add, was defeated without my aid.~
            Naruto snorted, not bothering to respond. She did have a point, she was a demon herself, but she was also a caged, and somewhat tamed one. He was lucky when she only gave him a headache for that particular slight.
            ~Stupid, mortal, brat! I do not intend to be destroyed by a minor irritant such as this! I will not die under contract, even if it means being stuck with you and your infected offspring.~ Her snarl was deep, conveying her disgust well, and for a moment, it was reassuring. She was a powerfully arrogant entity, and she wouldn’t let him die so easily, especially if their existence was tied as tightly together as she had often implied. At the same time, her words made him pause.
            Contract? What are you talking about? Naruto had the sensation of free falling, like he already knew the answer but had never thought it possible, and even now, had trouble believing it. The only contract he knew of in regards to chakra and animals was the same kind he signed to summon Gamabunta, but that couldn’t be the same.
            Gamabunta wasn’t a demon! He was a giant Frog that spoke, didn’t always listen, had insane power for an amphibian, was picky and irritable… only listened when it benefited him is some way…
            ~Ah, and the kit finally gets a hint…~
            Naruto’s mouth fell open in shock and his mind reeled. Manda, Orochimaru’s snake summon, had been used to do terrible things. Hell, if he hadn’t known better he would have called her a monster. If he’d been born a civilian outside of Konoha, he might have even called her a demon. But, the fact remained that an entire ninja village thought that Kyuubi was a demon, and they all know of summons, so Kyuubi couldn’t be…
            Unless… she was a level of summon no one had managed to bring forth before… a special summon… Naruto felt his insides chill as small details he’d put off as coincidence suddenly made all too much sense. Kyuubi was affected by the Fox’s spray, like a common fire country beast, Kyuubi could speak to the fox and understand it in return. Kyuubi often referred to the Uchiha clan with a disdain that bordered on hate, as though they somehow stood in her way of attaining freedom, far more than even he did.
            You’re a… a summon.
            ~Not exactly. I am not so common nor as placid as those young and meager beasts that any may control.~
            So… you’re like the Gamabunta of Fox summons? Kyuubi literally growled at him for that comment and the intensity of it made him start. Luckily, as the others were finishing up with their tasks for camp, it went unnoticed.
            ~Do not relegate me to such a meager existence! I am more than that child or any of his age! I am one of the first, I am from before your pitiful world’s existence, and I will outlive this one as well! I am a god amongst these miniscule souls and it would do you well to remember that!~
            Hit a nerve, did I? Naruto returned, still stunned, and slightly disbelieving of her words. Kyuubi’s love of self was well established, and she had a tendency to think overly-well of herself. All the same, the idea of her being older than the rest of the summons could hold truth. It would explain Shukaku and the doubtless other “tailed-beasts”. Summons, or beings from before man could recall who have gained power with their long lives, enough to be considered demons or even gods, perhaps the last of an old world. Much like the elders.
Outdated.
Decrepit.
Past their due date…
            ~Keep it up kit and I’ll abort the filth in your womb.~
            Oh, so it’s MY womb now. Naruto taunted, not believing her for a second. Besides, you wouldn’t do it anyway, it would be an insult to your pride.
            ~Not if I’m the one who terminates it.~ Her voice was chilling in its honesty, and Naruto felt a moment of bereft fear. Yeah, she had a point there. Without thinking, Naruto began directing his chakra to his middle where he assumed the child should be. Instantly he felt the influx of Kyuubi’s power and she began growling a warning that echoed through his head.
            ~Knock it off kit or I really will kill your offspring.~
            You know, considering how you already threatened to do just that, I think I’ll take my chances not listening to you.
            Kyuubi paced in his mind for several minutes before responding, her voice gruff and agitated. ~I know you have a brain so try using it. I cannot touch the kit inside of you, except in fleeting glances. At most I might impart some better senses and perhaps some more power, but I do not have enough sway to abort the child. So cease this temper tantrum of yours.~
            He was mildly shocked that she had bothered to admit as much as she did. But it appeared that more than pissing him off, she disliked having her power forcibly taken. Naruto could well sympathize, and really it wasn’t so shocking when he took into account how much she’d want to keep her own existence alive, and expending chakra needlessly was rather pointless.
            Hn. Whatever… as if you never throw them.
Kyuubi didn’t deem that with a response.
            For a demon—because that was what he was going to call her, because she sure didn’t act like any summon he knew—with so much power and age, it was shocking how infantile she could act. Then again, she was trapped in an inferior being, and she was a girl.
            So, what about this contract?
            Kyuubi’s mental glare was palpable and she remained quiet so long, Naruto started to believe she had retreated to his sub-consciousness where she couldn’t be reached easily. She had an irritating habit of doing that when she no longer wished to discuss a topic. It was irritating, but at the moment, it gave him time to look around him.
            Neji was scouting the area with his Byakugan once more, silent and still, Naruto dared anyone to try and avoid that. He knew now that the long-haired boy would be taking first shift on guard, though he doubted any of them would be sleeping tonight. He knew it was needed—especially in his condition—but he simply couldn’t sleep right now. Not with everything else and all his other worries to contend with. Sakura had left to watch over Shion—she had balls of brass, Naruto wouldn’t have gone unless ordered. After watching the way she childishly threw away the kindness offered her, like their food rations earlier, made his blood boil. She was a child, a Brat-child at that, and perhaps that was why he had not even been asked to watch over her—Lee had gone with Sakura. No doubt Neji would join them when he was done making certain that the area was secured.
            It was mildly insulting, knowing that he would not be asked to join them, but he much preferred dealing with Takuho anyway. Sure he was quiet and a little pessimistic but at least he had some sense and courtesy. Which is more than could be said for the priestess. Hell, he’d have killed the little brat himself if she wasn’t needed to save to world.
            ~The contract is still valid, and so long as he lives we are in danger.~ Kyuubi’s sudden forthcoming of information startled Naruto into a jerk which barely gained him a glance from Neji. He was unable to immediately respond which allowed her to continue with her statement. ~You better hope that your mate succeeds in his mission, but it will not matter much if only one more Uchiha dies.~
            Her riddles were really starting to piss him off. What was the god damned point of them? It was their life that hung in the balance, and the more he understood the better it would be for him to face this threat. But of course, the demon seemed to like her secrets. And if he had no sort of control or life of his own, he might not want to give it up either. But this was a matter of life and death.
            Can you at least try to make some sort of sense?
            ~You’re inability to comprehend the obvious is an embarrassment to nature.~
            Naruto scowled and quickly thought back over her words, but couldn’t seem to get past the one threat he was certain of, to see what other oddities might be hiding. Itachi has the Contract?
            Kyuubi’s reluctance to respond seemed to imply more insult to his intelligence; seemed she did nothing else.
            ~Why? You want to try and sign it yourself to gain control over me?~ Her tone was low, and mocking; bitter, and Naruto was upset to realize that he hadn’t thought of that before. That really could be useful, though he doubted it would be a simple as it was with the frog summons. ~Well, it won’t work.~
And his momentary hopes were dashed.
            ~No, Itachi does not hold the contract, though he does not truly need to. The contract isn’t on a scroll, it is bred into their blood, the seal burned into each generation, like a stigma; a curse, branded into their eyes…~
            Sudden, cold, comprehension, and Naruto felt every inch of himself grow taunt as it all fell into place like some sick twisted puzzle, though he was still missing vital information and most of the pieces. Kyuubi purred again in his head, pleased at his comprehension and he couldn’t help but voice his epiphany.
            “The sharingan…”
            “What was that, Naruto?” Neji asked spinning to him sharply, and Naruto felt his face flush darkly at his slip. He really needed to be careful about how and when he addressed Kyuubi. He was getting far too careless. It was apparent, from the way Neji was looking at him—byakugan put away face a calm mask of professionalism—that he had clearly heard the words and was merely waiting to see how much Naruto trusted him.
            “Uh… nothing… just thinking out loud.” Naruto muttered looking down to his toes a moment when he felt the cowardly bitch slink away, this time he was certain she wouldn’t be back anytime soon. It seemed like he would never get the information out of her, and the only consolation was the fact that she couldn’t hide forever. Though this retreat was probably for the best. He was in the middle of a mission, it wouldn’t do well to have his mind scattered over half-truths and riddles from an ancient pissy fox.
            Neji continued to stare at him for several moments. Those milky eyes seeing far more than Naruto felt comfortable with. Even though he suspected that Neji knew—probably everything—he had no inclination to chat it up with him. Hell the other could see Chakra patterns, there was no way he could have missed Kyuubi’s. The other seemed to have accepted his excuse as he turned—slowly, and in a manner that frankly frightened Naruto—and reactivated his blood limit. Not a word was said, and that was something Naruto had never expected to like about the other.
            Even if he did know, unless asked or commanded Neji would keep quiet. He was reliable and trust worthy. Though that was also embarrassing as without even confiding in him he could know everything about you and your body.
Shit, when do babies start making their own chakra?!
            “Too bad. We could have used him on this mission. It is a shame he has been otherwise indisposed.” The words were so simple and yet they left a profound impact on him. He was honestly touched both by the words and the easy understanding that Neji was giving him. Though he may not have understood, nor trusted Sasuke, he was willing to trust in Naruto’s belief. Neji really was a good friend.
And he really understood far more than he should.
            Regardless, Naruto found himself grinning and he responded just as softly, “Yeah. His stupid eyes could have been a big help. Stupid bastard, running off on some stupid mission instead of helping us.” Naruto paused and watched as the optic nerves relaxed back below the surface of his skin and his chakra output lowered before he turned to regard him. “Oh well, I guess we’ll just have to rub it in his face, when we save the world, just how much better the Byakugan is compared to the Sharingan.”
Later, Naruto would swear that Neji smiled at that.
            A comfortable silence settled then, the kind that would have been irritating and insulting before, but Naruto had adjusted to the other and found comfort in that quiet support. When Neji turned back in the direction Lee and Sakura had gone in, his eyes looked pale but focused. Naruto rose as well to follow him back to guard duty—he was feeling a little left out even though he knew why they were doing it. They would never comment on his less than stellar performance in front of a client, but they would give subtle hints—and was suddenly thrust some extra food rations.
            “Uh… what’s this for?” Naruto asked head tilted to the side. He’d already eaten, and her supreme brat-child had refused to eat, so he was at a loss as to how to deal with the food. Neji blinked at him, his expression placid before he glanced up and into the direction that Takuho had left in shortly after the tantrum. “Oh. For Takuho, huh?”
            “Although he may be able to keep up well enough now, without proper nutrition he will only slow us down.” Neji stated bluntly, meeting Naruto’s eyes and holding them. It was obvious this was his way of reassuring Naruto that he was acknowledged and his efforts were taken into account. It was also an escape from the brat-child.
            Perhaps his dislike of her was a bit too obvious.
            “Right.” Naruto smiled one last time and turned away to find the other man. He felt Neji retreat as well until his chakra signal was just a light blur on the edge of his awareness. He was nearly hyperaware of it in the silence of the forest, and he wondered if it was nerves on his part. With Kyuubi’s half-truths, the danger of the mission, and his condition, it made for a very annoying concoction.
            Forget it, Naruto, everything will be just fine. Lifting his head up further, Naruto pushed through the denser foliage focusing on the chakra that belonged to Takuho.
He was being watched.
            Freezing in place, Naruto turned in the direction his instincts told him to. Without thinking of it, he felt his eyes tingle as he pulled chakra to them, enhancing his vision through Kyuubi and caught a flicker of red. Blood against the dark green of life, and it glowed slightly in the dimness. Black embossed cerise clouds danced on the breeze, and Naruto’s hair stood on end, every sense alert, and then, it was gone.
            He refused to blink or move for so long his eyes ached, just in case he’d been wrong, or on the off chance he’d been pulled into a Genjutsu, but when nothing shifted or changed, he was forced to let the moment go. Was that… all in my head? Naruto thought that was all too possible with the simple facts he was faced with.
            Neji would have sensed Itachi if that was who was there, or any Akatsuki member at that. He wouldn’t have sent him off by himself if that was the case, and besides that if it was Itachi, Sasuke would be here, and he was certainly not present. Nerves. It must be nerves…
            That decided, Naruto continued on his way, putting all things Uchiha out of his mind until the mission was completed.
His guard didn’t relax until morning when they moved out.

-3-

            The trip back to Konoha was quite and slightly subdued. Which, was odd considering how they had just succeeded in saving the world—the actual planet not just the lives of a few people—one would think that would lift the levity of those present, but it had not. No, instead everyone was silent and sharing covert glances when they weren’t boring holes into Naruto’s back. At first he’d brushed it off as nerves and the splitting of the groups. They had all come together in the end, but it was neither feasible nor plausible to continue home as thus. The main conflict may be solved, but a large group of ninja travelling together raises questions and often leads to trouble, that stated, it only made sense for them to separate into their four-man teams for the return trip. Though, for reasons unknown Kakashi had chosen to follow them back. It was odd and unwise, but when Kakashi did something, he usually had a reason—insane and often times annoying—and no one bothered to question him.
            He’d suffered valiantly for the first few hours, but he could only handle so much, and as the high priority mission had ended, he felt it safe to relax. That of course meant he could rant and rave, and be as annoying as he pleased, even if he really wasn’t feeling up to the dance. Seriously, I save Shion, defeat a demon, and manage it all with little chakra control and while pregnant, and they can’t even let me rest?! Naruto sighed once in annoyance, before resigned to his fate, he danced ahead and spun to face the startled eyes of his group.
            “Okay, what the hell, do I smell or something? Cause I was just inside a volcano you know. Its brimstone!”
            Sakura and Lee both blushed and averted their gaze from him, obviously embarrassed at having been caught staring. Sakura didn’t even react to his allusion to his bowels and Naruto was pleased by it but kept it to a small mocking stare, which abruptly withered when he noticed the intense gaze of pale, all-knowing eyes. Naruto shivered and felt himself deflate then. The Byakugan was not in use, that much was plain to see, all the same, it seemed to him that his skin had suddenly become opaque and the Hyuuga could see straight through him and to the tiny Uchiha baby growing in his stomach.
            His shifting did nothing to deter that stare, but it did draw the attention of the last tag along in the group. “No we are simply surprised at your…”Kakashi, who was looking blank-faced and contemplative—that was never a good sign from the other. It usually preceded some major catastrophe or perverted tirade—paused to think. “… initiative and foresight into the needs of the Priestess.” The pervert grin was back in place now, and it made him uneasy though he really didn’t know why. “You are certainly growing up.”
            “… Oh.” Naruto blinked, uncertain on how to proceed or confront the other. Neji’s stare had grown harder too, not to mention Sakura and Lee had both resumed their staring. Well, this backfired…
            Awkward silence fell where they all stood; openly looking at him as though he had only just shown them his sexy jutsu technique. It was even worse than before as now it was obvious some question had been posed to him in which they all desired an answer and yet, he didn’t even know that the question was or had been. Of course no one bothered to enlighten him.
            “Well, I am surprised at how quickly you moved with her, though life and death experiences do tend to lead to a… deeper understanding.” Again Kakashi’s words were leading, and again Naruto was drawing a blank.
            “… Uh… yeah.” He was starting to feel rather slow.
            Sakura gave a sharp sigh and her hands—braced upon her hips—held her up when her head hung dejectedly down. Lee looked over at her with wide eyes, as though her reaction had startled him, which Naruto thought was funny because though the other had no other attributes aside from Taijutsu, he was a damned good ninja, and the day he was caught off guard—hell, he was still kicking ass while dead drunk—was the day Naruto would eat his walrus cap.
            “Are you seriously that stupid?” Sakura accused, her voice sounding defeated. Though what she had to feel dejected about was beyond him. She wasn’t the one who was apparently turning see-through and sporting an Uchiha baby that was probably more damning than the Uchiha crest.
            “Hey, you guys are the ones acting weird and staring and shit! How does that make me the stupid one?!”
            “Ah. I thought this was the case.” Kakashi muttered turning a page in a book he had somehow gotten out between one blink and the next.
            “What is?!”
            “I had wondered before, but his complete nonchalance made it hard to believe. Although—“ Neji gave his stomach a hard look and Naruto jumped his hands twitching to cover his middle but he refrained from doing it. Even if he could see the baby there was no way Naruto was helping him with announcing it to the whole group. Neji looked back up at his eyes, and gave a slight nod. “—it is uncommon for one to remain so naïve at his age. I had hoped my instincts were wrong.”
Whatever the hell that meant.
            Sakura gave an undignified snort. “Ha, this is Naruto. The most unpredictable ninja in the world. Of course, he’d break the standard.”
            “Hey! I’m still here you know! And so what if I am unpredictable! That’s good trait to have as a ninja!” His words only cause some more blank stares. Even Lee seemed to have caught on, though his lack of spouting off about youthful-fucking-something made Naruto uneasy.
            “I was unaware that Naruto was such a late bloomer.” Lee mentioned quietly, looking pityingly at him and Naruto lost it.
            “Okay! What the fuck am I missing here?! You’re treating me like I’m dying or some shit!”
            “Well, according to Sakura, it was predicted that—“ Kakashi began but Naruto cut it off quickly.
            “Most unpredictable Ninja, remember? Like I would die so easily.”
            Sakura snickered. “Says the one who tried to go on the mission covered in pots and pans…”
            “Shut up!” Naruto grumbled not wanting to admit that it really was a fluke that he had survived at all. When he’d been in the underbelly of the volcano, fighting that weird dragon thing, he’d known that something had changed. It was the odd sensation of déjà vu and the peculiar power that surrounded him. Not a single attack had hit him then, just the ringing of a bell. He’d realized in that moment what the stupid girl had done, and he’d reacted on instinct.
            He didn’t even notice Kyuubi’s screaming growl in his ears until he’d ripped Shion free from her own suicidal prison and was attempting to kill the demon with the biggest Rasengan he’d ever created. It was as he was wondering why the chakra orb wasn’t larger that he realized the strain he was placing on Kyuubi and himself, and it was pure dumb luck that Shion was willing to help him with her own chakra and power, the focus point in their combined rasengan being that damned bell she always wore.
            Yes, it was sheer dumb luck that he had survived, but he planned to keep that little secret to himself. No point in worrying anyone, especially not when word might get back to Sasuke. He did not want to see the outcome of that fight.
            “Well, I guess Sasuke will have to look elsewhere for Uchiha babies then.” Kakashi muttered, and Naruto would swear on his manhood—Kyuubi’s interfering hormones aside—that Neji twitched. HA! He does know! Oh shit… he knows… Naruto felt decidedly ill. Swallowing his minor hysteria down, it probably wasn’t good for him to be so stressed after the drain in his chakra, he was feeling quite woozy actually, but he couldn’t afford to look it, Naruto rounded on his teacher once more.
He ignored the dancing sparks of light the action caused, as well as Kyuubi’s warning growl and curses.
            “What the crap does that mean?”
            “Oh for the love of—“ Sakura bit herself off and stomped up to him, looking murderous. He really hoped she wasn’t planning to hit him. He doubted he would be conscious after that. He was doing his best just staying up and reacting as he was expected to. But she stopped just before his face and glared into his eyes.
            “Naruto.”
            “Yes?” Okay, he sounded scared, he’d admit it.
            “When you agreed to help Shion with the future, do you know what she meant?”
            “Uh… keeping prepared and ready to save the world?”
            Sakura shook her head and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, ‘brain-dead boys’. “Naruto she practically asked you to father her children.”
            Well.
That was awkward.
How was he supposed to do that when he was already pregnant with Sasuke’s kid? Well, I guess it’s possible what with my plumbing still working but, damn, I can’t be a single mother to two separate kids! But wait… Shion would be carrying this one…. But that would mean… Naruto felt his face heat up as his mind unintentionally unlocked the memories he had been trying to forget.

            Hot hands holding his hips and caressing his skin and hips slapped against his own. Thick sweat dripped and slid, while sheets clung to flesh. Hot breaths of panted air grazed over sensitized nerves while sounds of exertion and pleasure swamped and drowned his mind until all he could do was tremble and beg and—

            Naruto was certain his face was hot enough to fry an egg on it. Hell he could fricken boil water if they threw him in a lake. Sakura nodded sympathetically, one hand patting his shoulder in reassurance. “You get it now, Naruto? You just agreed to give her a child.”
            “B—bu—but I… I didn’t know!”
            Lee bound up then, his arm a jostling weight that nearly toppled him. “Oh to be sharing your spring time of youth with the generation to come! What tenacity, what joy, what—“
            “Oh look at the time. Well, we might as well get back to Konoha before Shion comes to collect on her debt.” Kakashi interrupted, obviously not inclined to listen to Gai’s mini-clone. Naruto was relieved and annoyed but managed to keep cool as once more the group continued on in silence.
            “You know, I’m sure she realized that you were unaware of her request. Don’t worry about it.” Sakura murmured as she fell into step beside him.
            His smile was easy when he turned to his friend. “Thanks, Sakura.”
            The girl gave a shrug and then turned wicked eyes on him. “And, hey if she comes by to claim your promise I can always inform her that your Uzumaki PMS calls out to Sasuke’s Uchiha babies and makes it impossible for your to fulfill that promise.”
            “WHAT?!”
            Sakura’s giggle was light as she ran ahead, and Naruto kept up the squawking and complaining for the rest of the trip, valiantly ignoring the fatigue and exhaustion that threatened to fell him.
He was Uzumaki Naruto, damn it. He could do this.

-3-

            “So, tell me, Naruto, how does one go into a mission and come back with a marriage proposal?” Tsunade asked, and from the smile on her face it was clear she was teasing him. In the middle of the damned de-brief. Naruto wanted to roll his eyes. Wasn’t there something else they could focus on for a while? But of course Sakura had had to put that little note in at the end when Neji had concluded his report.
            Naruto had been certain that Tsunade’s aside to Sasuke having sent a letter of warning about the group of Ninja’s they had fought against while trying to protect Shion—and if the bastard had known about them he could have given them a head’s up on the whole mix-and-match elemental chakra they used—would have distracted them all from his predicament, but of course it had not.
            “Very carefully.” Naruto muttered out, his head still felt light and he wasn’t quite up to pretending. He thought he’d done fairly well for himself. He’d stayed up and bouncy and chipper for the better half of the trip back, he was not going to keep it up. Though, from the narrowed look of those gold eyes, perhaps he should have. “So, can we go now, or is there more we have to discuss?”
            “Well, brat, I would normally dismiss you all but since it seems that you are attempting to play diplomat with the outer countries, perhaps it would be best if we resolved this first.” Tsunade had leaned back into her chair and steepled her fingers together.
            She was just loving this one. Now that the danger had passed, it seemed she felt like picking on him. His stomach rolled and his vision gained flickering dark patches to it. Naruto blinked slowly in hopes of dissipating it. Sadly, much like Tsunade’s evil smile, it didn’t vanish, naturally.
            “You know, children born with dual citizenship are rare and quite the hassle.” Her eyes took on a soft, sad gleam, as her evil smile softened, or so it seemed. Then again, his vision wasn’t the greatest so Naruto didn’t pay it much mind. Sakura was snickering again, he could hear it just outside of his vision and Naruto scowled. Had he trusted his body not to collapse, he’d have rounded on her right then and there. Neji was silent, as he usually was, though, Naruto would swear he was watching him while staring straight ahead. It was creepy, and made his stomach churn worse. Uhg… that’s the last time I eat food from a priestess… Shion’s cooking—or more correctly, her people’s cooking—was delicious and went down well enough, but he was starting to think it was going to come out fighting. Hopefully the bathrooms will be free this time…
            “Naruto are you—“Tsunade bit short her retort suddenly, her eyes snapping to the side where Neji was. “What happened?”
            “Old Hag, what’re you talking about?” Naruto tried to ask, but it came out more like a weird mumble of constenants with an odd grunt here and there. Of course that just made her push up from her desk. Well, again, he assumed she stood up since he really couldn’t be certain what with his vision being three shades of fucked-up.
            “Hokage, I do not believe this to be a result of the mission so much as a previously existing problem.” Neji’s voice had an odd echo to it and Naruto felt himself sway—or maybe he floated, he really couldn’t be certain—in the direction of the voice. He really needed to focus, but his senses were dulling as was his mind.
            “Naruto!” Sakura sounded panicked and suddenly he could feel her hands gripping his shoulders, but it was a distant sensation, more like a brush of tingles over his skin. Naruto blinked aware that everything had gone dark and that, that really should concern him, but he couldn’t recall why, and then he didn’t have to.

-3-

            There was a dock.
            Naruto found that to be infinitely important, more so than the soft lapping of the water against its wooden supports, and much more than the bridge he could see beyond. The Land of Waves, Naruto thought with a dazed sort of calm. The sun was sinking, not quite sunset but beyond midday, the time that he and Sasuke would have—or was it should have—been training their chakra.
No, that was three years old now.
            “You think too much Dobe, and you might hurt yourself.” The voice came from his left, and Naruto didn’t have to turn, but he did all the same. What with the scenery he wasn’t all that shocked to find Sasuke as he had remembered him, dressed in his white shorts and dark blue high-collared shirt, shins wrapped and forearms covered by swaths of cloth Naruto had never understood the purpose of. Sasuke’s face was still rounded with youth, his features small and not yet awkward on his face, and Naruto felt a little upset when he realized he’d most likely missed those years where Sasuke was growing into himself. Naw, the bastard probably aged just as well as he’s always looked. That was somehow more irritating.
            “Yeah, well at least I think for myself.”
            “Hn.” Sasuke snorted, it was just like before, except his smile was warm, much more so than it had ever been when they had truly been in the Land of Waves.
            Dreaming then. Well, at least it’s a good dream. Naruto returned the smile and bumped his shoulder against Sasuke’s. He knew he was also back in his thirteen-year-old form, the old worn jumper was a dead giveaway, and it was somewhat comforting to be like this.
            “You know, I really hated you.”
            “Hn.”
            “Yep. You never remembered me… I had hoped that you would at some point, but I guess it was for the best that you didn’t. Those days you spent at my house where probably the worst in your life, and you’d never forgive me for seeing you so weak.” Naruto paused picking at a popped seam in his pants as he thought back to the time he had “saved” Sasuke. “Though… I have to wonder what it was Itachi was thinking when he helped us… I can’t help but wonder sometimes if there isn’t more to his story… but you’d never listen to that. You turned out to be a real douche bag.”
            “Dobe, what the hell are you talking about?” Sasuke’s reply was what Naruto would expect from him, and maybe it was what he wanted to hear as well, if even just a little bit. It was his dream after all, and this was what he wanted.
The quiet friendship and support.
            “Doesn’t matter now.” His mutter gained no response but a lifted eyebrow and Naruto smiled. He sometimes wondered if Sasuke would ever recall their first meeting after Itachi’s initial attack, and the first few days where Naruto had tried to care for him, but as the years passed he’d come to accept the fact that his friend would never remember those fragmented moments of insanity and reoccurring nightmares. It was better to be remembered as a friend on a team then as the one to see him at his worse, so Naruto could live with that. Besides, he still remembered and that was all that really mattered anyway.
            “You don’t make any sense.”
            “I don’t have to.” Naruto laughed, turning his bright eyes onto the Uchiha. Dark eyes stared back with that confused twist to both brow and mouth that made Sasuke look normal, no longer the hardened avenger who didn’t have time for anyone, least of all a ‘dead-last’ teammate. “We’re just enjoying ourselves right? Why do we have to make sense for that?”
            “Dobe.”
            The silence was comforting as the day drifted by in a pastel haze, the light reflecting off of the water he knew didn’t exist, while they rested on a dock that probably rotted away years ago in reality, and simply listened to the lapping. It counted the endless moments between them like a clock that had gotten stuck and could no longer tick up. But that was fine.
            ~Kit, wake up. I do not wish to deal with this irritant any further.~
            Naruto could hear her trying to talk to him but didn’t want to listen. This was his time, she could very well wait. Besides Sasuke didn’t know about her and… No, sasuke does know… I told him about it when… when…
            Naruto felt a heavy sinking feeling as though he were being dragged backward. A part of him knew that it was all due to his dreaming, but the other half, the half comfortably sitting beside Sasuke didn’t want to admit it yet.
            “What’s wrong Dobe?” Sasuke asked with a tilt to his head, his lips curled into that mocking smirk, the one that only the two of them fully understood, and Naruto pushed harder away from Kyuubi and her words. This was better, he liked it here. It was peaceful and safe, and he didn’t have to face the problems currently destroying his life.
            ~Kit, I am not playing. Wake up or I will make you.~
            Desperate to escape from the insistent voice that wanted to tear him from his peaceful retreat, Naruto leaned against his friend and closed his eyes tight. “Nothing. Just thinking about how I’m going to beat your ass tomorrow.”
            “You only wish Dobe.” Sasuke laughed through his words. It was such a free sound that it caused him to breakout in Goosebumps. Sasuke had never laughed like that, but he always imagined that at some point he’d hear something similar and it effectively ruined the feel of reality the dream had once held. Sasuke wasn’t that comfortable with him yet, and probably wouldn’t be for a long time to come.
            ~So glad you have realized this, now stop their prodding before I rip their arms off.~ Kyuubi sounded serious for once and Naruto pulled back watching as the scene blurred into a smear of colors and left nothing of the sea or Sasuke behind. He hated dreams sometimes.

            “—ing brat, not listening when it’s good for him and just doing whatever he damn well feels like!” Tsunade was ranting beyond the darkness his closed eyes gave him, and the warm brush of healing chakra over his belly warned him that yes she was working on him while angry, or at the very least running a diagnostic sweep. “Would have though the method alone would stop him from this stupid—“Tsunade broke off with an angry snarl and Naruto wished he hadn’t woken at all. “May as well open your eyes brat, I know you’re awake.”
            Insanely, he weighed his options before giving in and opening his eyes slowly. Unsurprisingly, the white walls of the hospital glowed irritatingly at him. He was truly spending far too much time in these rooms. Between his check-ups and near death experiences he was willing to bet he spent more time here then he did at home. Golden eyes bored into his skull looking far from pleased and Naruto had to restrain himself from pulling away from her and covering his middle. Who knew what she’d do when pissed off.
            “Uh… morning, Hag.” He expected it, but it was still shocking since he knew that she was aware of his condition, when the flick to the forehead flattened him back onto the bed with enough force to make him feel like he might black out once more. “Ow! Damn it… I finished the damn mission, what more do you wa—“
            “You damned stupid idiot!” Something in her tone shut him up and stopped his irritated rubbing of his head. She sounded worried, and looking at her now, he could make out the faint lines of stress that her chakra couldn’t smooth out and guilt crept up to taunt him. He should have known this would be the outcome. “Did you even think of the consequences?!”
            Naruto kept his eyes averted and remained silent as Tsunade continued to scream out the last of her fear. The continued warmth of her chakra proof that it was worry that motivated her as the gentle pulses remained as cautious as ever, not wanting to hurt him.
“Damned brat, too much like you’re damned teacher! May as well be his son! It would serve you both right to be stuck with each other for family!” He was momentarily amused as her rant took on an eerily familiar tone to Kyuubi’s, but he wisely kept from pointing it out to her.
“Trying to kill himself on my watch!” She seemed to have forgotten his existence in her rant and Naruto made himself comfortable to wait out the long monologue he was certain to receive. “Do you have any idea what this will do to you, you ungrateful brat?!”
“Uh, make me fat—“
            “No! Of course not!” She answered her own question and Naruto pouted wanting to point out that though talking to oneself was considered a trait of brilliancy, answering your own questions was a sure sign of insanity, but again, in the light of self preservation, he kept quiet. “Damn it, Brat, You have no way to give birth! You ever think of that?! Sure getting the baby in there was easy but there is no way it’s going to fit out the way it went in—and what the hell happened to you not wanting another man’s cock up your—“
            “Woah! Hold it!” Naruto interrupted. It was one thing for her to yell and complain, hell he probably deserved it—scratch that, he knew he did—but for her to say something so crass when she’d been so against it before was just unsettling, not to mention from the tone and her glare she was making him out to be a slut. Now, that really shouldn’t bother him, he was a boy after all, but he had allowed himself to be “taken” and now he was pregnant. Oh hell with a bastard child of a bastard… Naruto felt his eyes burn with that foreboding sting that preceded tears.
And mortification was added to his emotional cocktail.
            “What the hell? I was doing the best I could! Why are you yelling at me it was my…my… god damn it!” Naruto scrubbed at his eyes harshly trying to banish the moisture when it caused his voice to crack embarrassingly. “I thought I was free of this shit!”
            His hiccupping, pathetic sobs made him feel worse which only made the tears fall harder, and finally, completely fed up with his hormones, Naruto flopped back and buried his head into his pillow attempting to smother himself. Fuck it, this is so not worth it…
            Tsunade gave a heavy sigh and he heard the creaking of the chair as she shifted, and then her fingers were running gently through his hair. The touch made something ache inside his chest and Naruto shuddered, crying in earnest, though why, he had no fucking clue. “Brat. Calm down, this is normal. Pregnancy causes an influx in hormones. So long as you are pregnant you can expect to have large, and most likely violent, mood swings.”
            Horror dawned on him like an icy blanket and he slowly pulled the pillow down long enough to stare at her, his tears momentarily stalled—thank god—as his whole body locked up. “No…”
            Her pitying smile answered his whisper and she shook her head. “Afraid so you stupid child. And with your chakra and circumstances,” she was talking about Kyuubi, and he wanted to scream at his parasite, “that could be a problem.”
            “What do you mean?” He asked, and as predicted he no longer felt like crying. This was going to get old and tiring real fast he decided. Tsunade sighed leaning back and crossing her arms obviously still irritated with him before she began explaining things.
            “Well, most Ninja’s experience certain problems with controlling their chakra when their emotions run high, and though it has never been proven, it is believed that emotions are directly tied to our chakra use. Now, in most cases exerting control over ourselves is enough.” She paused to look at him as though waiting for his glorious epiphany. Naruto blinked back at her wondering just what miracle she was expecting from him.
            “Hey I was just unconscious and am now an emotional wreck.” Naruto offered as an excuse and watched the blonde frown at him.
            “And whose fault is that?” She meant it to be cutting but all it did was remind Naruto of the Bastard and he snarled back, well aware of just who was at fault.
            “Stupid fucking prick! He played me the fucking—“Tsunade raised a hand stalling him.
            “Naruto, it takes two to spar.”
Well duh. But what did that have to do with Sasuke knocking him up?
            His expression must have stated his confusion for him as Tsunade rolled her eyes and forged ahead as though she could forget his incompetence as long as she didn’t acknowledge it. “Anyway, most nija’s can handle this, but kunoichi when they get pregnant cannot. The hormones are too erratical and fluctuate too much. This is why most females are removed from the teams when they become pregnant, and why there is usually only one female per team.”
            “Okay, I get that.” And boy did he ever. It was a nightmare dealing with Sakura when he was on his monthly problem. And he wasn’t even a full fledged girl. “But what does that have to do with me?”
            “Naruto, you are pregnant.”
            “Uh, no kidding.” His reply earned him a dark and ominous glare. “What?”
            “Naruto, have you been having trouble with your chakra control?”
            “Uh… well, yeah, Kyuubi said something about mine being busy elsewhere and all that shit but—“
            “Exactly. For the first trimester it is common for Chakra displacement to leave Kunoichi without any defensive chakra at all. You are lucky enough to have a powerhouse on standby.”
            “Hey, I wouldn’t call this luck! She turned me into a freaking girl!”
            “But if you didn’t have her you would be dead right now!” Her shout stopped Naruto in his tracks and he couldn’t do anything but silently agree. She was right, he had been thinking it himself not too long before that he had been lucky to have survived this trip at all, let alone for the baby to have survived.
            Naruto straightened suddenly, she had yet to say anything in regards to the baby. “Hag, is the baby—“
            “Fine. Healthy and growing strong despite his mother’s utter stupidity.”
            Naruto sighed in relief, his hand lifting to his still flat stomach. He was mildly shocked with his concern for the baby, but then again, this child was a life, and more than that, it was family. Related to him by blood. Naruto smiled faintly feeling warm deep inside.
He had family.
            Tsunade seemed to relax beside him, regarding him with tender eyes before she breathed out the last of her anger. “Well, now that we know you’ll be temporarily taken off of duty.”
            “WHAT?!” His screech made her wince and shoot a glare his way, but he ignored her completely. “Am I being punished for something? Look I’m sorry I scared you but I really didn’t know!” That was completely uncalled for, he really didn’t mean to mess up, and besides it had all turned out fine! So why was she punishing him?!
            “Naruto.” Tsunade said soothingly and he crossed his arms angrily pouting at her. The tone implied she wasn’t going to lift the punishment and so he’d have to wait for his chance to convince her. Didn’t mean he had to wait patiently. “Look, this isn’t a punishment.”
Naruto snorted.
            “Have you even listened at all to me? Right now you have no chakra to rely on but Kyuubi’s. In the interest of keeping your secret a secret, and keeping the council off both of our backs, it’s best if you don’t do anything that would force you to use that chakra.”
            “Yeah, okay, I get that, but you said that goes away after the first trimester right?” Whatever a trimester was.
            “Yes, but your emotional instability will remain throughout the rest of your pregnancy. Not to mention you body will get tired the further along you progress. You aren’t naturally meant to carry a baby to term, your body will be far more tasked than normal, and as you are aware your emotions don’t always bring out just your chakra.”
Naruto really wanted to argue.
            He wanted to point out that this mission went just fine and there was no reason to keep him under house arrest just because he happened to be a little knocked up, but even he could see the reasoning behind Tsunade’s decision. He would be worse than a hindrance, he could get someone killed, and he never wanted to do that. He settled for a compromise.
            “I’m not going to sit by and watch people die or get hurt in front of me.” Naruto grumbled, his slumped posture let her know he was conceding to her, but his words and tone should let her know that if anything major happened, he wouldn’t sit idly by just because of his condition. Tsunade let out a groan pinching the bridge of her nose but made no comment besides a grumbled, “fucking genetics… pig-headed, stupid… never thinking ahead…”
            Naruto shot her a narrow eyed glare until she rolled her eyes and nodded once. “Well then, you mind telling me who managed to break you down and convince you to do this?”
            Naruto squirmed. He really didn’t want to admit to this. He was certain she wouldn’t understand, hell, she didn’t get half of the shit he and Sasuke did, this wouldn’t help her to. Not at all.
            “Uh, can I just plead temporary insanity? Or memory loss?”
            “No.” She wasn’t playing anymore.
            “Come on, does it really matter who—“
            “Yes, Naruto it does. We need to inform the family or make preparations to keep the child safe with you or find a place for the child to—“
            “It’s my child, and no one will be taking him anywhere.” Naruto wasn’t even aware that he was growling, or that his eyes had turned a slittled red. Tsunade’s eyes widened slightly but she did not react otherwise.
            “I was unaware that you wanted the child that badly.” Tsunade’s voice was measured and it was clear she was testing his reaction. She was probably thinking something stupid. Like Kyuubi was trying to escape or some shit and Naruto placed his hands more firmly around his middle blocking her from his unborn child.
From Sasuke’s unborn child.
            “This is my family. My baby, I will not let it be taken from us.”
            “Us? So the father knows?”
            “Of course the bastard knows!” Naruto snapped, beyond caring if he sounded irrational, or that his fear was silly. He knew Tsunade would never take his child away from him without good reason, hell, he hadn’t even been sure he’d wanted the baby until now, but still the instinctive fear kept him from uncurling, and her recent betrayal kept him from relaxing. “He came back for the sole purpose of ensuring his bloodline, and he left that up to me and you will not touch our child.” The last came out a low growl and Tsunade leaned back in her seat, her eyes wide, though he doubted it was from his reaction when she blinked several times before pinching the bridge of her nose again with an angered hiss.
            “Fucking Uchiha…” The insult wasn’t worth disputing. After all, Sasuke was a bastard and he deserved all the insult he got. He had just taken Naruto off of his team for the next nine months and who knew how long it would take him to get back into shape after that? He messed with his chakra, his emotions, and yeah, Naruto was feeling a little vindictive, so there was no point in defending Sasuke to Tsunade. It worked out fine as she continued rather quickly. “Of course it would be.”
            “Excuse me?”
            Seemed he was doomed to be ignored, “Idiot child, did you even stop to think about what that little psycho would do if you had lost that baby? Hell, if you had died?!”
            “I was sorta preoccupied with the not dying thing not to mention the whole mission. Didn’t have time to think about him.”
            There was another sigh. He was getting really tired of those. “You blind little idiot.”
            “What? What did I do?!”
            “Forget it; obviously this doesn’t register in your head as a priority.” Her words left him rather insulted but she continued on before he could complain again. “Okay, well first things first, I’ll be recalling his ass home.”
            “No! He needs to do this! That’s the only reason I agreed in the first place, so that he’d—“
            “Naruto, I don’t think either of you really paid attention to my warnings before.”
            “What does that have to do with anything—“
            “Brat! Listen for once in your miserable life!”
            Naruto shut up, startled at her tone and sat back quietly.
            “Look, I was against the baby thing only because you’ll have no way to give birth to the baby. That means we have to operate and remove the baby directly.” Naruto opened his mouth to interject but was run over, “Yes that means I’ll have to cut your stomach open. Usually this would be a simple procedure but thanks to your accelerated healing, we’ll have to continually cut or find a way to hold the wound open for the procedure.”
            He was feeling rather ill and light-headed again at her words, but it seemed she wanted to end this discussion quickly as she ignored his wide eyed look and kept going.
            “And as if that wasn’t enough, what with how quickly your body processes poison and medicine it is unlikely that the anesthetic will work on you at all.” She paused then meeting his eyes to drive her point home. “That means you’ll be awake and you’ll feel everything.”
Oh yeah, he was going to black out again.
            “H—hag…”
            She was at his side in an instant, the bed dipping with her added weight and warm arms were around him embracing him in a way he doubted she’d ever done before. “It’s okay Naruto, we’ll think of something, I’m just not willing to go through this chaos alone. If the Uchiha wanted a child that badly he can damn well help you with it.
            “B—but,” Naruto began, his hands covering his belly feeling far less confident than he had before. “He asked me because he trusted me to protect his child. He needs to do this and I… I won’t let anyone… anyone take…”
            Her hold tightened suddenly cutting his words short, which was just fine by him. He’d started to ramble and whine far more than was necessary and he wanted to keep his girly moments to a minimum.
            “No one is taking that child from you Naruto. I only wanted to be sure you weren’t saddled with it when you didn’t have to be. So just calm down, okay? The baby is yours. Hell, I wouldn’t even hand it over to the Uchiha if he asked. You’re carrying the brat you have first dibs.”
            Naruto chuckled a bit, knowing that that wasn’t exactly legal but still touched by her protectiveness, it helped to right him and with a large breath he managed to ease the panic inside him. Pain was relative. He’d dealt with it before, hell he’d had a hole ripped through his lung and he just got back up and fought. Laying back and letting someone take a baby out would no doubt hurt, but he could deal with it.
At least he hoped.
            “Thanks Tsunade.” She nodded at him but didn’t let him go right away, holding him for several long calming moments, until it started to feel a bit awkward. A moment could only last so long in silence. “Uh, so about Sasuke…”
            “I’m sending his summon back. He will come back here and take responsibility.”
            “But Itachi—“
            “Can wait.” Tsunade’s look left no room for argument, and suddenly he wondered just how dangerous this surgery would be if she was going to force Sasuke to abandon his search for Itachi after promising him free reign.
Sasuke would not be pleased.
            “I don’t need the bastard here. He left me with his child because he trusted me to handle this. He needs to make this world safe for his child. I will not be the reason for his failure.”
            “Brat—“
            “No! Tsunade, please, don’t call him back. Trust me to do this.” Tsunade flinched and he knew he’d won. “Trust me, baa-chan. Please.”
            She was frowning but she again let out a sigh her shoulders slumping. “Get some rest brat, I need to run a few more scans before I let you leave, and I need to convince the council to butt-out on this matter before you will be safe.” It was the best he was going to get from her, and so he accepted her compromise with a smile.
            “Thanks.”
            “You owe me brat.” She was smiling back when she left, and Naruto chuckled ready to flop back and catch a few more Z’s when he saw a flash of pink in the doorway. Oh, fuck no…. please no, do not let her know! Do not let her know!
            Sakura’s head lowered, her bangs covering her eyes as she stepped into the room. Naruto felt his stomach plummet. How much had she heard? Did she know about him and Sasuke? From her posture it was a near certainty that she did, and now the real question was whether she was going to hit him or cry. Either option seemed like a rather bad one, and for insane moments he wondered if he could fake a sudden stroke. His chance was lost when she stood beside his bed her head still lowered, her hands in lose fists at her side.
            She was far too still and quiet for Naruto’s liking. A silent Sakura was a deadly Sakura, and Naruto almost didn’t want to draw her attention to himself. Damn it, this is all your fault Sasuke, when you get back I am SO going to kick your ass!
            “Uh… Sakura?”
            She flinched. The action made him cringe, knowing that whatever it was for—pain, betrayal, anger—it was his fault, and guilt consumed him. He knew she loved Sasuke, she had for years, and he didn’t have the balls to tell her that he was carrying the child of the man she loved. It went against everything he knew, his friendship with her and the trust they placed in each other, and though he could blame Sasuke all he liked inside, he knew the guilt lay with him alone.
            His mouth felt cotton dry and useless as no words came to mind to explain or fix the mess he found himself in. He licked his lips several times and opened his mouth a few more only to slump into silence himself. There was nothing he could say.
            “What the hell were you thinking?” Sakura asked, her voice trembling and Naruto bit his lip, his eyes screwing up.
            “I’m sorry Sakura I didn’t—“
            “Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?! My God Naruto! You were in so much danger, and that death omen…” She let out a growled sound of pain and Naruto forced himself to look up only to see her face flushed with an angry heat, her green eyes sparkling with emotions.
            “I’m sorry, I just didn’t know how to tell you. I thought it would—“ his shoulders where suddenly gripped tight as Sakura leaned into his personal space, her eyes filled with remorse.
            “God, all I did was laugh at you and you were worrying about… about…” She broke off on a sob and he suddenly had his arms full of crying girl.
            Uh… what the hell just happened? Naruto blinked as Sakura clung to him, her face buried in his shoulder her hands clutching his arms spasmodically. She was choking on tears, air and words as she begged him to forgive her and cursed him for being so irritatingly self-sacrificing, and the whole thing left him confused as all hell.
            “W—wait, so you aren’t mad at me for carrying Sasuke’s baby?” The minute the words escaped, he wished he could have reeled them back in. If she had just temporarily forgotten that bit his mentioning it would only make things worse, but he was further alarmed when a water-logged laugh escaped her and she sat back wiping her eyes with her arm. They looked puffy and raw, but Naruto decided to refrain from telling her that.
He wasn’t completely stupid.
            “Of course not. What made you think I would be?”
            “Uh… well I thought…. Uhm… you know, I don’t know now.”
            Sakura laughed at his expression again, meeting his eyes, now less weepy than before. “Well, Sai wasn’t exactly subtle with his comments, and from your reactions it wasn’t hard to guess that happened when Sasuke returned.”
            Naruto felt his face heat up and swallowed hard. “o—oh… right…” God he wanted to die.
            “Don’t make that face, I mean, I always knew Sasuke wasn’t interested in me, I just figured as long as you were happy...”
            “Excuse me?” Naruto asked, his head feeling light and tipsy again. “Sakura he only did… that… because he needed someone strong to have his kids. Someone he trusted to protect them. He said he trusted me and… well… he is my best friend and… I couldn’t just say no…” The silence in the wake of that statement was deafening. Turning to chance a glance at her—internally wondering if he’d insulted her by calling her weak—he found her staring at him bug-eyed and looking like she’d never seen a boy before.
            It was his turn to laugh. “Geeze Sakura, what’s with that expression? Ha! You look like a deer caught in headlights!” His giggles made her blink before slowly her expression turned confused.
            “Are you pulling my leg?” She asked, sounding dangerous, “Because if you are that is not funny Naruto. After all I sacrificed for you and Sasuke the least you can do is not mock it!”
            “Huh? What are you talking about? Pulling your leg about what?”
            Her glare only intensified.
            “Seriously Sakura, I don’t know what you think I’m joking about but, I am pregnant and Sasuke did ask me because we’re friends and, I dunno, Family in a way so… yeah. I’m telling the truth.” He lifted his hands up trying to prove his innocence and watched as she slowly shut her eyes as though praying for strength.
That was odd.
            “Sakura?”
            “Naruto, there is a river you know, called denial.”
            “Ooookaaay?” He really didn’t know how a river fit in with this conversation but if she wanted to talk about rivers he could play along.
            Sakura’s glare was resigned as she finally snapped out. “You are drowning in it.”
            “Huh?”
            “Nevermind.” She rolled her eyes and flopped down beside him. “So, I guess this means we have a good excuse for why you can’t help Shion.”
            “Shut up.” Naruto groused, knocking her lightly in the arm. Her smile matched his and he was glad that the issue had been resolved so easily. “Thanks Sakura.”
            “For what?”
            “Well, for taking this so well. I don’t think I could have handled more excitement right now.”
            “Well, compared to the shock of you having a period, this is nothing.”
            Naruto smiled. He had good friends.
            “And I mean, hell, your Uzumaki PMS and his Uchiha babies were sorta destined. We were teasing you for so long it was bound to happen.”
            “Shut up we were not!” Naruto said grabbing his pillow and pelting her with it. The girl let out a startled ‘eep’ before giggling maniacally as she continued to tease him.
            “Oh dear, were you planning to be a baby making con-artist? Don’t worry your secrets safe with—Ah!”
            “Take it back Sakura!” There was no real heat in the words or the attack, and as feathers filled the room, and laughter overcame the dower mood from before, Naruto felt certain that he could handle this without the bastard’s help.
He was Uzumaki Naruto after all.

A.N. Okay, so this only took me forever. Luckily, the next bits should flow rather quickly what with the plot picking up and my notes being shorter, but again there is no guarantee there. On a bright note there are two new one shots coming your way, but they have nothing to do with this fic but there is, “Aishiteru Dakara” and “Imaginary Harmony”. They’ll be up soon. ^-^
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Kyuubi the Bitch