The temperature around him reached near-boiling point as Neji’s irritation increased.

Experience had honed Tenten’s perception of her teammate’s temper to a fine edge. In her expert opinion, Neji was very close to a ‘Hinata-in-the-Chuunin-Exam’-level temper tantrum.

“Neji, Neji,” she said, her palms raised and open to placate his inner demons, “we’re teammates. It’s a sacred bond.”

Neji huffed as Tenten threw an arm around his shoulders in false camaraderie.

 “It’s okay, Neji, I was just kidding with you.  I’ll help you -”

Neji glared. Here it comes.

“- if you tell me who your boyfriend is.”

“No deal.” Neji stomped away.

Tenten followed and gripped his upper arm to still him. Neji tried to shake her off but she persisted. “Alright, alright, Neji, wait. Would he be really embarrassed if someone found out he was dating you?”

Neji rolled his eyes and shook Tenten’s hand off his shoulder again. “No, he’d be embarrassed if you blabbed about helping me buy the skirt.”

“Neji, I’m your teammate and your friend. I swear on the sacred bond that is a mutual horror at youth speeches and green unitards that I will never, not even under torture, tell anyone about helping you buy a skirt for your boyfriend.”

Neji halted with Tenten’s hand still resting on his shoulder. “You’ll get me the exact ones I ask for?” he asked probingly.

“Yes. Wait, ones? Plural? What the hell –“

“Shikamaru.”

“Oh, man,” she said weakly as the blood began to drip from her nose. “I think I’m gonna need to sit down for a moment before we go shopping.”

“Wait, we, no no, Tenten, that’s, I mean -”

“Can it, Neji, or I’ll tell Gai-sensei you want a green jumpsuit. You’re coming. You can play good teammate and carry the bags.”

Actually, when it came to bitches in Neji’s life, Tenten was head of the pack.

“Tenten–chan, Neji-kun, what a surprise! I am most pleased to see you in this unusual setting!”

“Hi Lee-kun,” replied Tenten.

Neji nodded to his teammate in greeting. Lee was prone to overly-affectionate displays if one was too friendly in greeting to him. Neji had learned the hard way to be friendly, but reserved.

“Tenten-chan, has the call of spring made its way to you? Are you enamored with a youthful and handsome man?”

“No Lee-kun, we’re just shopping for presents for Neji’s cousins – he wanted a girl’s opinion, that’s all.”

“Excellent strategy, Neji-kun, as always! You are wise to seek counsel and information from our youthful and splendiferous teammate.” Lee struck his Good Guy Pose #27, double thumbs-up, horrendous grin with a touch of wink in the left eye. “Tenten-chan, I would be honored if you could help me search for a gift to win the heart of the fair and gentle Sakura!!”

Tenten and Neji discreetly checked the exits and entrances. If Lee started sobbing with his ‘love for the fair Sakura-chan’ while Gai was within a 100-meter radius, they’d never get any shopping done.

Tenten smiled apologetically at Neji and placed a gentle palm over Lee’s shoulder. “You could come with us now, if you like.”

“Ah, Tenten-chan, a great idea. Your youthful wisdom has always been a shining beacon in our team.”

Neji huffed and crossed to the other side of the store, having spotted a flash of red and green tartan with pleats.

Lee bent to the side from the mid-waist, legs and lower body remaining still, like a pendulum caught mid-swing. His eyes held a maniacal gleam and his lips stretched with a mischievous smile. “So - Neji-kun wants to buy a skirt for his boyfriend?”

Tenten paused. Technically, Lee was telling her, not the other way round. The need to share the juiciest gossip of the day warred with the knowledge that Neji was mean and would pull her hair if she told Lee.

Long-haired males were the worst – they understood exactly how effective hair pulling could be.

“Ah, no need to break his confidence, Tenten-chan; your silence speaks more to the turning of our teammate’s heart than words could convey.”

A loud yelp interrupted their bonding moment. Both their heads popped up, prairie dog-style, at the commotion across the room. Neji, red-cheeked and fuming, glared at an embarrassed civilian man. The civilian, who looked about their age, left the store in a hurry, muttering ‘long hair, confusing’ as he fled.

Neji glared at the door with a ferocity he usually reserved for Hyuuga Clan politics or missing-nin until the last traces of the civilian’s back disappeared from his sight. Nose high in the air, as if someone had released gas in his vicinity, he sneered at the witnesses.

Lee attempted to look innocent. Tenten snickered. They shared a devious smile. Neji was the perfect straight man (for all that he was gay) and they delighted in the discrete ruffling of the proud Hyuuga’s feathers.

They kept a running score of the number of men mistaking their teammate for a woman. So far, 87 hapless men had embarrassed themselves, and Neji, in the course of true love.

Correction. 88 hapless men had embarrassed themselves and Neji by hitting on him.

This is why Tenten had blackmailed him into coming shopping. Neji avoided anything remotely resembling a ‘female hive’. It was either the women, swooning at his ‘sensitive side’ or the men, trying to get into his ‘skirt’.

To Tenten, it was the most fun you could have without summoning six different-bladed weapons.

She wondered how many of those 88 would try their luck again if they knew which side of the fence Neji was on. They’d most likely fail. Neji was a total Seme.

Neji joined them once he’d regained his composure – that is, he burned an imaginary hole in the door with his irritation. His forearms rested in the sleeves of his tunic, exaggerating the width of his shoulders and drawing attention to the well-developed curves of his behind.

Tenten discreetly wiped her nose as she zoned back into the conversation.

“Congratulations, Neji-kun!”

Wait – Neji glaring at her, Lee smiling and patting Neji on the back-

Her head tipped back as Neji yanked the fine, short hairs at her nape, where the wayward locks escaped the binding of her buns. Shit. Neji could always find the most sensitive parts of her scalp.

“Damn it, Tenten, you said you wouldn’t tell.”

“I didn’t! He guessed.”

Neji stared at her disbelievingly. “Rock Lee, second only to Naruto as master of the oblivious, guessed who I was dating and what kind of relationship we have!”

“To be fair, Neji-kun, you did stalk him for many weeks in an attempt to lure him to your passionate and youthful affections”, Lee supplied.

“I did not stalk him.”

“Really?” Tenten snorted inelegantly.  “So you just happened to be everywhere he went for several weeks on end?”

“Mere coincidence.”

“And you just happened to go to the Hokage Tower to hand in your reports when it was his shift,” she continued disbelievingly.

“Coincidence.”

“And the number of solo missions –“injected Lee.

“Shut up! You two are worse than Hinata and Hanabi!”

Twin smiles greeted his rage.

Definitely worse than Hinata and Hanabi.