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Break to Breathe	By : Okami-Rayne Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Shikamaru/Neji Views: 1959 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: NARUTO and its respective characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
BREAK TO BREATHE

by Okami Rayne

Chapter Fifteen

Shikamaru loved clouds. But damn, he hated the rain.
Especially at five in the morning.
He listened to it hammering away against the awning above his head, incessant and loud…as brutal as the headache setting in at his temples. The shadow-nin sat sheltered from the downpour, slouched on a bench that lined the wall of one of the village's tea houses.
It was too early for customers.
Too early for anything…
Beating back the urge to close his eyes, Shikamaru watched from beneath heavy lashes as water sloughed down, pummelling any earlier-risers. Across the street, a woman's cheap, hastily purchased parasol collapsed under the weight of the rain. Shikamaru watched her dump it into a trash can, giving it the same violent treatment the shadow-nin recalled giving the parasol he'd snapped two months ago the night Neji had been drunk.
Neji.
Shikamaru closed his eyes, running a hand across his face.
Stop. Don't think about it.
All night, he'd done nothing but think about it. Over and over until he'd dragged himself out an hour early just to get the hell away only to find that Neji had already gone. Shikamaru sighed, certain that the need for a distraction or a ceasefire of the thoughts in his head was going to drive him over a precarious edge.
As if I haven't lost my mind already…
"Shit," he growled, leaning forward to drape his arms across his thighs, letting his hands hang between his knees. Sadistically, his mind chucked up Asuma's voice in a foreshadowed warning.
'You know it's important for you, more than anyone, to keep your mind clear for these upcoming missions.'
Shikamaru frowned, staring at the rain-dotted ground beneath his feet. He glared at the spatter, all the while working on summoning whatever mental barricade was necessary to get his head straight.
Mission. Focus on the damn mission.
He let his mind spin out the catalogued information.
Two teams; recon and backup. They were to be treated as separate missions. Both mobilised for Hanegakure, the Land of Feathers, home to the Tsubasa clan. After the incident with Fukurō and his ruined attempt to harvest dōjutsu, it was necessary to assess the level of hostility between the remaining Tsubasa clan and Konoha. With the Akatsuki threat dominating the list of priorities, this situation had to be dealt with quickly; which meant one team to assess the level of the threat and one team as back-up in case both teams needed to engage with the enemy.
Neji's words came back to him.
"Did you know about these missions before?"
Know? He'd been the direct hand moving all the pieces into place. All he needed now was for the rest to go to plan.
Not that anything has so far…what the hell is wrong with me…
He could feel his mind slipping back into that cordoned off area…of straining breaths, shifting muscle, fierce opalescent eyes shuttering at the brink of pleasure…
Stop…
"Shikamaru!" Naruto's husky, abrasive voice tore across the street.
The shadow-nin blinked from his stare and straightened up from what would have appeared to be a slouch. He played into the lazy façade with a sigh, which actually morphed into a genuine yawn. Oddly enough, sleep was probably the only solution at this point; a blissful lack of thinking.
Yeah…not thinking…I'm getting real good at that…
He blinked again when he realised a hand was waving in front of his face, fanning around warm ramen-stained breath.
"Earth to Shikamaru!" Naruto chuckled into his face, raindrops streaking his whiskered cheeks. "What's up with you?"
"It's early...you're loud...go figure."
"Heh..Still not a mornin' person, huh?"
Shikamaru stared blankly. "It's really early and you're really loud."
Naruto laughed - loudly. "Once you're up and goin' it's not so bad!"
"It's a god-damned drag."
"I'd agree if I wasn't totally psyched about getting a decent mission! Man, I can't wait to finally get serious."
Shikamaru fluttered his eyes with a sigh. "Too much energy."
"It's the ramen." Naruto grinned and fanned his fingers through the limp spikes of his sopping wet hair. "You should probably eat somethin' before—wait a sec...what the heck are you doing here?"
Shikamaru arched a brow, slumping back against the wall. "I should probably be asking you the same thing…"
"Uh, we're supposed to meet by the gate at six, aren't we?"
We?
Shikamaru blinked. "Huh?"
"Hell yeah, I'm ready for a real mission!" Naruto growled with gusto, his blue eyes flashing. He thumped a fist to his chest and began to shadow box. "Bring it on. I'm not about to run away from anything!"
Shikamaru frowned, making no attempt to hide his confusion, which doubled his sense of unease. "What do you mean we? What the hell are you doing here?"
"Man, what do you think?" Naruto snickered. "Aren't you supposed to be a genius?"
"Aren't you supposed to be going to the Fire Temple with Lee and Gai-senpai?"
"Nope! Which is cool by me."
Shikamaru scanned the sidewalk automatically, searching for any of the others. "Why?"
"'Cause after two months I finally get a real mission!"
"Ugh…" Shikamaru rubbed at his eyes. "No, I meant why aren't you going to the Fire Temple?"
"Well the whole thing was based on some creepy, religious vision about red clouds approachin' or something. Kinda airy fairy, you know?"
"Red clouds?" Shikamaru frowned, his gaze falling to the side in thought. "The Akatsuki…"
"Yeah, but apparently an old monk's vision isn't proof of anything. I mean, it'd be cool to see the place again, even if Sora won't be there," Naruto hummed, scratching at his damp hair. "But then Asuma-sensei steps in and is all—"
"Asuma?" Shikamaru snapped his gaze back to Naruto.
What the hell?
"Yeah, he said to scrap the Temple mission." Naruto shrugged, not noticing the sharp furrow at Shikamaru's brow. "So Lee and me got signed up for your mission in Hanegakure."
"You're kidding," Shikamaru said, his mind divided between Asuma and this troublesome shift in his plans.
"Nope!" Naruto bared his teeth in a feral grin and tugged out a folded, grease-spotted piece of paper which he smacked onto the bench beside Shikamaru. "You think I'm just gonna sit around while you guys have all the fun?"
Dammit. I suppose I could tag them onto Shino's team…move Chōji onto mine…that could work…it's a pain, but I could work it…
Shikamaru frowned as he took up the ruined sheet, flipping it open. He scanned the team lists, lidded brown eyes widening by degrees. The entire listing had been re-written.
You're shitting me.
Suddenly, the crappy weather mirrored the forecast of the situation he was in. To make it worse, any chance of finding a silver-lining plummeted the moment he took note of the re-arranged teams.
"When the hell did this happen?" he frowned, scanning the names.
Naruto didn't catch on to the drop in his tone. "Uh, like a half hour ago?"
"What?" Shikamaru scowled at the page.
"Yeah, kinda last minute." Naruto grinned, the flash of his sunny hair and cheery disposition not helping in the slightest. "We're all meeting at the gate, like I said."
Did Asuma meddle in this?
"Who decided this?" Shikamaru held up the page without taking his eyes off it.
"Eh?"
Shikamaru rubbed at his temple, grinding his jaw. "Who decided this?"
"Well, the Hokage and Asuma-sensei, I guess." Naruto frowned, slowly taking note of Shikamaru's tone. "Jeez, Shikamaru, what's up with you?"
Shikamaru stared at the stamp of approval from Tsunade, ignoring Naruto's nonplussed expression. "They've switched leaders, mixed teams and pulled two people out."
"Yeah but you got me and Lee standin' in."
Ugh. That's not the point.
"It means re-evaluating the entire strategy I'd planned out." Shikamaru shook his head, a muscle ticking in his jaw. "Tsunade-sama wrote this up herself?"
"Well, yeah. She even ran it by Neji."
Shikamaru's eyes hardened.
His fingers twitched around the sheet, almost crushing it.
"She ran it by Neji?" he managed in a loose, offhand query, at odds with how tight his jaw was.
"Yeah." Naruto tipped his head up, adopting a thoughtful pose. "Neji was already talkin' to the Hokage when I barged in, which was after Asuma barged in, which was before I knew we were being reassigned to yourmission…" He grinned awkwardly. "Uh, that made sense right?"
Shikamaru dragged his tongue along the clenched row of his teeth, a muscle ticking in his jaw. "Yeah…perfect sense…"

The rain had eased to a miserable drizzle. It trickled down Shikamaru's neck in irritating, icy rivulets. He tried to ignore it as he pressed on up towards the Hokage residence, taking the stairs two at a time, punctuating each step with a mental curse.
Troublesome. Goddamn. Pain. In. The. Ass. Stupid. Pig. Better. Not. Be. There.
He paused at the top of the stairs, wiping rain from his eyelashes before shoving open the doors and moving into the shelter of the building. He smacked water from his flak jacket and scanned the hallway, channelling his anger into two concentrated knots at his temples.
Dammit.
With a headache taking up residence in his skull, he turned to direct his steps towards the Hokage's room, a distracted frown stamped between his brows.
A voice halted him mid-step.
"I see you're taking the initiative again."
Shikamaru blinked, swinging back as Asuma's words drifted lazily around the bend in the corridor. A plume of smoke announced the Jōnin's presence before he stepped into view.
"Up before ten?" Asuma chuckled. "I'm impressed."
Shikamaru took the opportunity to look very unimpressed as his sensei wandered over. The smile fell from Asuma's face when Shikamaru failed to return the banter, but the shadow-nin made no attempt to alleviate the tension.
"Something wrong?" the Jōnin asked a little too innocently.
Shikamaru's voice fell flat as his expression. "Got a reason you don't want Naruto and Lee to check out the Fire Temple?"
The barest tension touched Asuma's eyes, before the words rolled off him like the smoke from his cigarette. "Other than the fact that it's a waste of time?"
"You're a crap liar."
Asuma smirked, cupping his cigarette to his lips. "Well, I suppose that's not a bad thing."
Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "It is when you accuse me of acting weird and then go messing up missions that I spent time strategising, because of your issues surrounding that temple."
Asuma cocked his head, a jet of smoke streaming from his lips. His expression took on a veiled look that Shikamaru had learned to decipher as unease, hidden behind smoke and lazy smiles.
"I don't have issues with the Fire Temple." Asuma shrugged again. "Only with wasting resources."
"Wasting resources?" Shikamaru echoed, irritation prickling his tone. "Thanks to you, the Hokage cut Ino and Shino from the list and replaced them with Naruto and Lee."
"So?"
"So that's one stalling-nin and one tracker-nin gone, leaving me with some impressive but unnecessary taijutsu and a loose-cannon knucklehead."
"I'm sure you can re-work your strategy."
"That's not the point." Shikamaru tugged out the crumpled sheet Naruto had given him, holding it up between two fingers. "This strategy was fine just as it was."
His voice must have come out harsher than intended, because Asuma paused with his cigarette half-way to his lips, almost frowning.
"Well sometimes things happen that force us to revise the situation, Shikamaru," he said slowly, in a carefully neutral tone. "You know that."
"So what, you're testing me on snap decisions now?" Shikamaru snapped.
"Maybe I need to."
God dammit…I really 'don't' need this right now…
Shikamaru drew a slow breath, trying to smooth out his voice into something that didn't sound as pissed off as he probably looked.
"I don't need anyone breathing down my neck and making things more troublesome." He stuffed the team list back into his flak jacket. "And I don't need to be put through the mill like a damn kid…"
Asuma was frowning now. "What's wrong with you?"
"Why the hell is everyone asking me that?" Shikamaru's eyes flashed. "It's early, it's raining and I've just had my strategy shot down by the Hokage and my sensei an hour before the damn mission starts. Sorry if I'm a little less laid-back than usual."
The angry snap of his words thrummed in the air.
Shikamaru had time to wish he'd just kept his mouth shut; or at least lied, or diverted attention, or used some other offhand avoidance tactic. Instead, he'd stepped right into a mine field, strung with mental trip-wires he'd foolishly rigged in his irritation.
Again. Real fucking smart…
Asuma's reaction was to purse his lips around his cigarette, a pinched look of scrutiny tightening his face. Shikamaru looked away, knowing it was too late to fall back on humour. It was like being under a damned spotlight; all that was needed was for Ibiki to mosey into the mess and initiate an interrogation.
Shit.
Shikamaru almost jolted when Asuma's hand clasped his shoulder. He didn't meet his sensei's eyes, knowing they would mirror the concern weighing in Asuma's voice.
"What's going on with you?"
Shikamaru shook his head. "It's early…and you screwed up my strategy."
The Jōnin frowned and took a drag on his cigarette, whistling out a pale cloud of smoke on a sigh. "Yeah, I guess I did." Asuma's hand dropped from his shoulder. "But I'm not testing you, Shikamaru. I'm pushing you."
Shikamaru snorted, rolling his shoulders. "Same difference."
"It's not. I wouldn't push you if I didn't trust you to handle it…and if I didn't think it was necessary."
Shikamaru kept his head turned somewhat to the side, but he shot his sensei a glance through narrowed eyes. "How is it necessary?"
"I told you before. You signed up for something large-scale, which will be coming into play soon after you finish up in Hanegakure." Asuma took another pull on his cigarette. "I need to know you can handle me questioning your strategies, maybe even scrapping them and having you work with split-second revisions."
Shikamaru tried not to look betrayed, his jaw tightening. "Why now?"
"Because you're going to be assigned to my squad when you get back."
The shadow-nin searched Asuma's face for ill-timed humour before realising he was serious. "Your squad? So the Hokage has already assigned leaders to the Nijū Shōtai?"
Asuma laughed, the husky sound swathed in smoke. "Well I guess it would take more than a push to get you enthusiastic about that."
Shikamaru blinked a few times as if to clear the fog from his mind, pretending it was the smoke that was bothering him. "I didn't realise she'd already formed the teams."
Man, that steep bargain just got steeper…
"It's necessary. The Nijū Shōtai is a top priority when you get back. That's why I'm giving you a little push."
Shikamaru sighed. "Yeah, push me over the edge much…you're still a god-damn slave driver."
Asuma smiled, his eyes crinkling warmly. "Just because you, Chōji and Ino are Chūnin now, doesn't mean I stop keeping an eye on you three, or throwing you through a few loops I know you'll have no trouble with."
You don't know that.
Shikamaru clenched a fist inside his pocket. He understood what Asuma was doing – he could even see the necessity of it – but the Sarutobi couldn't have picked a worse time to 'throw him through a loop'.
Why do you have so much damn faith in me…?
Shikamaru dropped his gaze to the side, guilt souring the frustration in his gut. He shifted his weight between each foot as if to shake the uncomfortable feeling. He knew Asuma was monitoring him, so he wasn't surprised when the Jōnin set a hand on his shoulder again, squeezing lightly.
"Besides, look on the bright side. You and Neji will be heading these missions right?"
"So says the re-write." Shikamaru shrugged, dislodging the grip at his shoulder. "And that's not exactly a silver lining."
Asuma hummed. "Well, I know that wasn't your game-plan. You two were supposed to be on the same recon team right?"
Panic fluttered across Shikamaru's eyes, but thankfully they were averted. "Uh, yeah."
"Well, considering you're pretty much at Jōnin level, despite a lack of official rank." He paused here and angled Shikamaru with a mock-admonishing glance. "You're more than capable of heading the back-up team while Neji heads recon."
Not. The. Point.
"If you say so," Shikamaru muttered.
"I do. And you'll do fine." Asuma rubbed at his bearded jaw. "All things considered, it's pretty balanced. Maybe Hyūga was right to suggest the team shift."
The bombshell hit Shikamaru like an explosive kick in the gut.
He slid his eyes sharply to Asuma. "Neji suggested the team shift?"
Asuma looked confused. "Yes."
"I thought you suggested it and Tsunade-sama ran it by him."
Instead of giving me a damned head's up…
"No." Asuma shook his head, lighting up another cigarette. "I disputed the assignment at the Temple and suggested that Naruto and Lee be reassigned to your mission. That's me pushing you and challenging your strategy. Then Neji suggested the swap with Ino and Shino."
Which would have automatically put him in Shino's place as leader on the other team…sneaky bastard…I'm probably gonna kill him before he ends up killing himself…shit…
Shikamaru blinked back from his thoughts when he realised Asuma was still talking.
"Which is good," the Jōnin added. "Because Ino needs to focus on her medic-training for the Nijū Shōtai and Kurenai could use Shino for a side-op she had to pull out of."
"And the Hokage just…went ahead and approved all this…" Shikamaru muttered, more to himself.
So much for keeping her end of the bargain…
"Why wouldn't she? You and Neji are the best choice leaders. It makes sense that you two should head separate teams."
"Yeah…" Shikamaru drawled, blistering inside. "Perfect sense…"

It made absolutely no sense.
Not at the time, not even in hindsight.
There was no clarity, no comfortable explanation and no excuse. There was nothing but contradiction and compulsion, grating and grinding as intense and raw as their bodies had.
Kami, give me just a second of peace.
Neji slipped his eyes open to stare at the steam rising from the surface of his teacup. The condensation rolled like gossamer, reminding Neji of the smoky tones that had chased along his skin.
'Just let go…'
He almost cracked the teacup in his grip.
"Neji, you okay?"
"Yes," he lied, flicking his eyes up to the green orbs watching him. "We should get going soon."
"Right." Sakura nodded and set down the skewer of dumplings she'd been eating. "Kiba and Chōji know about the team swap, right?"
Neji hummed, recalling a rather overenthusiastic Uzumaki in the Hokage's room. "I'll be surprised if Naruto hasn't made it public knowledge already."
"Good point."
As Sakura multi-tasked by finishing off her dumplings and double-checking her supplies, Neji let his gaze stray back to his teacup. He raised it to take a sip – then paused with the hot ceramic resting against his lips, his moonstone eyes flicking up a moment before a phlegmatic voice carried from behind him.
"Hyūga, I need to speak with you."
Neji turned his head marginally. He caught a glint of light reflecting off dark lenses; a familiar face obscured by a high collar and low hood.
"Shino," Neji acknowledged, tipping his head toward the bench opposite.
Accepting the invitation, the Aburame moved around in that eerie way that often disturbed some of the other Chūnin. Neji never really had a problem with it. Shino was quiet, unobtrusive and intelligent. He had no problem with any of those qualities; although that didn't explain why an odd feeling of unease crawled along his spine like one of the Aburame's beetles.
Something's wrong.
"Hey, Shino." Sakura offered a smile to the insect-handler and slipped her bag over her shoulder, sliding away from the bench. "I gotta check in with Yamato and Kakashi-sensei real quick. I'll meet you by the gate with the others."
Neji nodded, but kept his attention on Shino as Sakura wove her way between tables towards the front of the teahouse. The Aburame took her vacated seat.
"So," Neji began, setting his teacup down. "What is it you wish to speak to me about?"
"There are two things I wish to discuss. Neither are about me." Shino's voice filtered over the high collar of his jacket, clear but quiet. "The first thing is Hinata, because she takes precedence."
Neji schooled his face into its placid mask, stroking his thumb across the rim of his cup. "And the second thing?"
"First, Hinata." Shino's voice retained its low cadence and Neji sensed he wasn't willing to compromise.
"Very well."
"Before the team switch she was assigned to your group. The group headed by Shikamaru."
Neji blinked slowly. "That's correct."
Shino was quiet for a moment. "While it's convenient that Naruto and Lee are able to make up numbers, it's also convenient for you to be reassigned as head of the team I was intended to lead."
Taken aback, Neji tilted his head a fraction. He tried to gauge something from Shino's tone, considering that reading a facial expression was impossible. It seemed a little childish to be getting territorial over leadership.
"You have a problem with this?" Neji kept his tone calm.
"What did I tell you?" Those shielded eyes regarded him coolly. "This isn't about me."
"I don't see how this relates to Hinata either," Neji returned, just as neutrally.
"Really? Hinata is no longer on the recon team. You switched her to back-up offensive."
Where the hell is this going?
"A good observation," Neji couldn't resist a touch of sarcasm; it was better than giving into the fist of tension curdling inside him. "What is your point?"
"Observation also tells me that after the Chūnin exams three years ago you stepped up your role as Hinata's protector. A subtle change in attitude on your part, but still an apparent one. Perhaps you did this to compensate for what you did to her. Or perhaps to alleviate your own guilt."
Neji's face smoothed to the stillness of frost. "What is your point?" he repeated.
"That you have begun to demonstrate the same signs of disdain towards her that you did prior to your change of heart. This team switch is telling. You are avoiding her."
"That's a rather subjective observation." Neji slid his cold tea away, feeling some of his patience slide with it. "It's also completely unfounded."
"In that case, it lends weight to the alternative observation, Hyūga," Shino returned. "You've been avoiding your clan."
Neji's eyes were ice – but his blood was fire, the thinly veiled anger simmering in his deep tones. "Be careful, Shino."
The bug-handler didn't move, probably didn't even blink behind those irritatingly unreadable glasses that made Neji feel that bit more transparent.
"It's not unfounded, is it?"
"I don't see how it's any of your business."
"Hinata is on my squad," Shino stated bluntly. "She is my business. And she is concerned for you."
"She told you this?"
"No. She didn't have to."
Neji slid his hand off the table, resting it atop his thigh. His fingers gnarled into a bone-white fist. "Where and how I spend my time and dictate my life outside of my obligations to my clan has nothing to do with you or with her."
"The Tsubasa were collecting dōjutsu. Considering you are going to be entering their territory with Hinata one might think you'd be less hasty to work separately. Shikamaru's strategy accounted for that."
Neji arched a brow, trying not to react. "Shikamaru placed two Byakugan users on the same team. It was a flawed strategy that wasted our abilities."
"Even if that could be considered a flaw in Shikamaru's strategy, which is doubtful, at least his reasons weren't underhanded or self-serving."
Bastard.
An indignant anger raised its hackles inside of Neji, slashing a brief stroke of rage across the surface of his eyes before he contained it.
"Just what are you implying, Aburame?"
"I don't like repeating myself." Shino shook his head. "Hinata is worried for you. That puts her at risk. As a Hyūga, doesn't that concern you?"
As a Hyūga…
Neji felt as if someone had jerked a long forgotten chain around his neck and an unexpected bitterness erupted inside him, liming his voice with an acidic edge.
"Because the Branch family lives to protect the Main House …" he ground out.
Shino kept a brief silence. "Because she's your cousin, Neji."
Blood is water in our clan...
On the knife's edge of that thought was the guilt and the anger that always accompanied it; sharp, bitter emotions that stabbed repeatedly in the back of his mind…and a place far more vulnerable. Neji fought the urge to grip the table. Instead, he unfurled his fist and calmly placed his palm to the tabletop, rising from his seat.
"Perhaps you should have a little more faith in the team Hinata is grouped with, rather than come bleating to me about how defenceless she is."
"I never said she was defenceless," Shino said. "And from what I understand, it was Hinata who came to your defence the last time."
Muscles bunched in Neji's jaw. "And look how well that ended for her."
"Exactly," Shino said, a hint of threat working its way into his voice. "With those eyes, one would think you'd be a little less blind, Hyūga."
Neji had to draw every tendon in his body taut to keep from lashing out. He dug deep to find a sense of diplomacy untouched by his frustration. Drawing a breath, he pressed into the brace of his palm, leaning to stare directly into the reflective polish of the Aburame's sunglasses.
"Let me make the lines between my cousin and me very clear, Shino. I am not responsible for her emotional immaturity and lack of impartial judgement."
Shino remained inanimate, but even in his silence Neji could almost feel the Aburame's displeasure. Like a dormant buzz in his aura, crawling disapproval across masked eyes that Neji couldn't see. He didn't need to see it. He could read that much off the enigmatic ninja at least.
Neji shook his head. "I understand your concern for her, Shino, but to be blunt…it's not my problem."
"You're stealing my lines, Hyūga," drawled a deceptively lazy voice from just behind him.
Neji had to dig the tips of his fingers into the table to keep from jolting.
How the 'hell' did he get that close to me?
He hadn't even sensed it.
Neji flicked his gaze a fraction and focused on Shino's glasses, catching Shikamaru's reflection in the lenses. The Nara's hip was cocked against the side of a bench and he slouched in a lazy way that displayed a mood far more casual than the one Neji instantly felt crackling between them.
Damn it.
Straightening away from Shino with a calm, controlled expression, he turned his head a notch without facing the shadow-nin. "We're supposed to meet at the gate, Nara."
"Yeah, that much hasn't changed at least," Shikamaru returned, making no effort to disguise the barb in his idle tones.
Refusing to react, Neji veered his attention back to Shino, his words clipped. "What was the other thing you wanted to talk to me about?"
Shino studied him for a moment, with contempt rather than contemplation. Neji prepared for an awkward silence but thankfully the Aburame forfeited the standoff. Instead, Shino reached into his hooded coat, tugged out a small jar and set it down on the table.
"Kikaichū bugs," he stated. "For tracking, should you need them. Hinata or Kiba will be able to discern the females from the males."
Neji took the jar. "Appreciated."
Offering a cursory nod to Shino and nothing more, Neji opted for a swift exit, sliding into the adjacent aisle to avoid Shikamaru. He made a swift beeline to the doors, slipping slipped the jar into the drawstring bag at his left shoulder, focusing on moving forward and not looking back.
Just keep walking.
He stepped out onto the street, the damp air heavy in his lungs. The drizzle was lighter now, the rain more of a gentle patter – unlike the fierce steps he sensed closing in behind him.
Neji turned, his pale eyes flashing a warning. "Save your breath, Nara."
Shikamaru glared, shrugged and snapped a fist towards Neji's face, pushing his weight into the swing. Neji cocked his head a nanosecond before impact, feeling knuckles brush past the sharp slant of his jaw. He almost forgot to anticipate the backlash of the shadow-nin's elbow and avoided it just in time.
They both fell back a step, giving Neji a moment to measure the violent ripples coasting between them. They pulled up everything he'd been shoving down into those cavities he was so certain he could control.
I will control this.
"What the hell are you doing?" Neji hissed, his eyes casting around in a quick sweep to indicate the open display.
"Saving my breath, apparently," Shikamaru shot back, his smirk mirthless. "Using Asuma as a pawn? You're pretty shrewd Hyūga, I'll give you that."
There was no escaping the inevitably that Shikamaru would have put the pieces together that fast. Neji couldn't help but hate the Nara's intelligence a little more than he admired it in that moment.
Damn it.
Neji kept his impenetrable distance, not braving an expression in case it caused a chink in his defences. Shikamaru had already slipped like a shadow between one layer, he was not about to indicate there were any more weaknesses to be exploited.
We have no time for this.
Neji turned in a sharp pivot and slid out of the main street for some meagre amount of privacy. Shikamaru followed with less haste, but no less irritation.
"I did what was necessary," Neji informed, keeping a good few paces of distance between them when he finally turned to glare at the other ninja. "Right now, what's necessary is the mission."
Shikamaru snorted, leaning into the wall. "I'm getting bored of people telling me what's necessary, so why don't you pull a better card."
"This isn't a game, Nara."
"No, looks like it's only a 'game' when I'm controlling it, right? But not when you're moving around all the fucking pieces."
Neji's eyes tapered into a narrow glare. "It's necessary."
"Troublesome bastard. You didn't run it by me."
"I didn't have to. Your strategy was flawed."
"Why? Because it left you a little too open? You afraid to be on a team with two people who might see through your bullshit? Or are you really that much of a control freak that you can't take being delegated as a second in command?"
Neji's lips almost twisted into a sneer before he caught himself. Reacting to those words was exactly what Shikamaru wanted. Well to hell with that.
"Figure it out on your own time, Nara," Neji snapped back, unable to even process the possibility that he'd have to spell it all out. "We don't have time for this now."
"Didn't anticipate Shino getting protective over Hinata, did you?"
Neji tried to dispel a hot rush of anger, loathed to admit that of all the things he had anticipated, this, right now, wasn't one of them. "What I anticipated was a sufferable risk."
"For your own selfish benefit, strategy be damned," Shikamaru growled. "You wanna call the shots at least give a fucking head's up to those who have to take the flak. Didn't you stop to think about that?"
'Don't think…'
Neji snapped back from the memory of those hoarse words, shaking his head against their grip on him.
"Now you want me to think? Some things 'aren't thinking things', are they?" Neji seethed in a scathing blow that bruised the air between them.
Shikamaru drew his head back sharply. "That's low, Hyūga."
Neji snapped his fingers into fists, flexing them out again as he fought to wrestle his anger into submission. His chest tightened around the swell of fury; agitated, bitter rage at the thought that once again, Shikamaru had that blasted control that he'd once possessed.
He felt cheated, as if a lifeline had been ripped away.
No.
"I'll make it very simple for you, Nara, seeing as we're on low levels here." Neji leaned in, his eyes hard. "I outrank you. Is that simple enough?"
"I'd say yes," Shikamaru murmured, arching a brow. "That is, if I didn't think you were referring to something else."
Neji took a step closer until they were toe-to-toe, his quiet purr only adding to the threat in his words. "Then say no and I'll make it even simpler for you."
"Get real," Shikamaru breathed back, shaking his head. "You had your chance to snap my neck and you didn't take it."
Neji dropped his eyes to Shikamaru's throat. Despite the black fabric, he could picture the bruises he knew would be mottling the Nara's skin. Neji smirked bitterly and his voice fell deeper into that lethal murmur.
"How fortunate for you, that I don't intend to spend my life in a prison just because I ended yours."
"Too bad," Shikamaru replied, his breath stirring Neji's hair. "Isn't that what you're doing already?"
Neji arched a brow, though he suddenly didn't want clarity on those words. Unfortunately, Shikamaru read the question in his face and answered in a murmur.
"As you've always been, right?" the shadow-nin whispered. "In a cage, just like you said."
Pain opened up so deep inside Neji's chest that in his shock, he almost didn't recognise that he was hurting until his ribs began to tighten, that shortness of breath closing its fist around him.
When did I say that?
Neji frowned. "That was years ago…"
"Two months, actually," Shikamaru corrected, but there was no hint of sarcasm or spite in his voice.
The shadow-nin almost sounded too quiet; the perilous kind of quiet that Neji didn't want to ever have directed at him. It scraped around those same sharp pieces inside him that Hinata had touched with her words back at the clearing; when she'd mentioned his father.
Sacrifice…cage…two months ago...
"I never said that," Neji snarled, his voice a hot rush of denial.
"Yeah you did. You were drunk."
The frown froze on Neji's face, his eyes flicking rapidly back and forth as he searched his mind for the drunken slip. He could barely recall much of that night. He'd walked briskly away from it the next morning, when he'd got his senses back – and a violent headache to-boot.
There is no way I would ever have said such a thing…why would I? That cannot possibly be true...
Then why did it feel like he'd just been gutted?
Rejection was the quickest way to anesthetize the pain. So he pulled up that barrier of conviction which had once protected his fatalistic philosophy about destiny and fate.
"I would never have said that," Neji uttered. "Never."
Shikamaru blinked slowly, drawing his head back a little, gazing at Neji through his lashes. The Hyūga expected sarcasm or anger, almost anticipated it so he could use it as a justified reason to crush whatever it was that stirred restlessly inside him whenever Shikamaru got this damned close.
"Guess one of us is lying then," Shikamaru said at last.
It wasn't the response Neji wanted. Pulling in a quick breath through his nose, he took a step back before their breaths could tangle in that way that would make him lose his ability to breathe altogether.
"As if it would even matter," Neji bit out. "What matters is this mission and as far as changing your strategy is concerned, Shikamaru, your wounded pride doesn't interest me."
"Pride?" Shikamaru spat the word, a flash of incredulous frustration burning in his eyes before the heat abruptly died, leaving a hollowed glare in its wake. "You think pride is what's pissed me off?"
Silence.
Nothing was going to give in that moment. They'd locked horns, both digging their heels in. At least, that's how Neji convinced himself it was between them…and the illusion was perfect, logical, believable and absolutely credible. At least up until Shikamaru did the most complicated thing.
The bastard smiled.
His mouth cut upward in a small curve.
And that small curve lanced straight through Neji's defence – a sharp, brutal stab.
'Let me in…'
That stab left a wound of emptiness inside him. He barely had time to cover up the damage before Shikamaru shook his head, muttering a wry, familiar warning.
"Head's up, Hyūga."
Neji knew what that meant, but it took him a moment to recover and respond. And then a flash of yellow caught in his peripheral before a husky voice bellowed out.
"Hey! Finally found you guys!"
Neji blinked and turned a calm and slightly stony look on Naruto as the Uzumaki bounded over. "Naruto."
"What the hell's always taking you guys so long?" The Jinchūriki roared, shaking water from his hair before looking across at Shikamaru. "And hey, what's that look for? You're always givin' me the evil eye when I butt in on you and Neji! What? Are you two plotting world domination or something?"
Neji arched a brow, but otherwise didn't react. Shikamaru opted for that flat, harassed look as natural as breathing.
"You're still loud…" The Nara drawled. "And it's still early."
"Well wake up already, slacker." Naruto screwed up his face, leaning in way too close to stare suspiciously into Shikamaru's hooded eyes. "You sick?"
"Not even close," Shikamaru rocked back on his heels. "Lay off."
"Seriously, you look kinda—"
"Naruto, are the others set to go?" Neji cut the energetic ninja short.
"Yeah, we're just waitin' on you guys," Naruto groused, rolling his eyes before turning to head back. "Pfft! Some team leaders you are."
Neji exchanged a glance with Shikamaru.
The Nara shrugged, already turning to fall into step beside Naruto, ensconced in the comfort of his laid-back skin…at odds with the fire and the shadows that had been in his eyes a moment ago.
This chameleon act didn't fool Neji.
But then, Neji knew he wasn't fooling Shikamaru either.
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Break to Breathe