Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Firsts
By : djserani
Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male
Views: 1305 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto! I make no money off of this!
Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
REMINDER:This story takes place in Darkprism's Monoshizukanohi Universe. Though the appearances of Monoshizukanohi locations in this series of stories is minor, it does exist and that world belongs to her. She graciously allows me to play.

Secondly, this story is relatively tame, but the boys ARE, technically, underage . So, technically, I need to add the "minor" warning.

Rest of the warnings for this chapter: None, really, except language.

* * *

Izumo leaned against the tile, letting the water run over him. He needed to scrub and get out so Tetsu could have some warm water, but he couldn't bring himself to move. The fresh water of the shower was washing the salty water from his cheeks and he didn't want to be forced to face it more directly and have to physically wipe them away.

He shouldn't have done it.

The rational and irrational were warring inside him again. He wanted to tell his brain to just shut the fuck up and leave him alone, but of course, it didn't listen. He kept flipping between the guilt that was eating at him to the understanding that he was allowed to need things like he'd done with Tetsu, was allowed to need and want touch and all of that.

But right now, the guilt was winning.

He shouldn't have. Those three words kept replaying themselves in his head and he couldn't seem to make it stop. How could he let someone else touch him? It didn't matter who it was! It didn't matter why it was. He shouldn't have.

He wrapped his arms around his middle and gave in to the feelings. He slid slowly down the tile and sat in a small ball in the tub, letting the spray wash over him. He didn't pay attention to when his hair got in his face, didn't notice water running into his eyes. He didn't realize he was cold and that the water wasn't as warm as it could be. He didn't pay attention to any of it.

All he felt, all he knew was the pain that was starting to feel physical again. Felt that sharp jabs in his gut and chest that was reminding him of the hole that was still very much there and still very much open. The tears continued to fall, and despite him, those damned sounds escaped again. He hated to hear those, hated that he let that much out. Because he was already so tired of it. Tired of crying, of hurting, of feeling like this. Tired of missing Hayate. He wanted him back, not this fucking emotional mess instead.

That thought started a fresh batch of tears. God, he missed him. Missed the smile, the dark eyes, his laugh, his kisses, that crazy crease in his forehead when he was annoyed, the arms around him� even missed the early morning grumpiness. He curled a little tighter in to himself as the hole in his chest opened a little further.

He had no idea how long he sat there, curled in that ball, the tears still flowing when Tetsu came into the bathroom. He didn't say anything; he simply stripped his boxers off and climbed into the tub with Zumo, sitting behind the other man and pulling his friend into his arms.

Izumo wanted to fight it, fight having someone else's arms around him, but he just couldn't. He didn't have the emotional or physical strength and there was just enough of the rational part of him still cognizant to not want to fight completely. "I'm sorry, Zumo," he whispered in Izumo's ear.

Izumo shook his head. Not his fault, he didn't ask, didn't push, didn't even offer. All he did was give Izumo what was asked for. "Not�" he croaked, his throat thick, "not your fault."

Tetsu's arms just tightened briefly at that. He held him another moment then stood up, pulling Izumo with him. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up. Mom's making food."

He got to his feet and Tetsu washed most of him, then he took the washcloth to take care of the rest of himself. He winced when he washed his still very sore ass. Apparently, the emotional mess he was in didn't keep him from feeling the physical pain, too and that brought him back a little bit from the edge. He sighed and looked up at Tetsu. "I'm sorry," he said. "I� just�," he trailed off.

"Feel guilty." Tetsu finished and Izumo's eyes widened. "I know how you think, Zumo. Best friend, remember?"

Izumo nodded miserably. "Yeah." He said, his breath stuttering in his chest. He didn't say anymore, just concentrated on not crying and finishing up. Tetsu cleaned himself, then shut off the water and wrapped a towel around Izumo and then himself. Tetsu hurried them back into their room to get dressed and by the time he had warm sweats on, the horrid urge to cry had faded quite a bit. He still felt the guilt, still fought with it, but at least he didn't want to turn on the water works quite so much.

Their mom was at the stove, stirring eggs when they got to the kitchen. "There's my babies," she greeted them with a grin and both Kotetsu and Izumo blushed at being called her babies. They each dropped a kiss on her cheek and headed to the cabinets to set the table. "Tetsu, the roast I want for dinner's in the freezer downstairs, would you go get it?"

Tetsu smirked, knowing she wanted to talk to Izumo. "Sure," he said, shooting a look at Izumo, who looked chagrined.

When they were alone, Izumo turned to his mom. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

She laughed. "Too perceptive sometimes. Or was I that transparent?"

"There's a roast in the fridge already."

"Oh." She chuckled then her face turned serious. "How are you?"

Izumo sighed. "That question is going to get old," he muttered. "But necessary, I guess. I've been better. I'm not� great right now, actually."

"Is this about Tetsu?" She asked.

He stared at her a moment, trying to figure out what she knew, fighting the color that wanted to bloom on his cheeks. "Um�"

She sighed and held up a finger. She dumped the eggs into a dish, turned the heat off under the bacon before turning to her son. "I'd have to be completely deaf to not know."

The color in his cheeks won. "Oh."

"Look, I've already talked to you about this stuff. You're a grown man, now, Izumo." She took the two steps across the kitchen and leaned against the small island Izumo was standing at. She looked him over in silence a moment and brushed at his stubborn bangs. "What you do with your sex life is your business. I talked to you about safe sex because, unfortunately, the fact that you're gay means you're a bit more open to some dangers." She shrugged one shoulder. "It's a fact and I just don't want to lose you or Tetsu, especially when it's mostly avoidable now. Or, at least, you can take steps to prevent it."

She paused and stared at the laminated top of the counter, running a finger along the painted-on wood grain. Izumo said nothing, caught still in his storm of emotions. He just now had the added bonus of mortification to throw on top of it, too. "You know, I know how you feel," her voice had dropped so low that he had to strain to hear her.

Izumo looked down, staring at his bare toes. It hadn't occurred to him that she did. He barely remembered his father; he'd been so young when they'd lost him. He swallowed around the lump in his throat and looked back up at her.

He realized just how much they looked alike. He'd seen the pictures of his dad, she had them everywhere. And he knew that he didn't look anything like the older Kamizuki. He was, as she'd told him plenty, a smaller, male version of her. She had the same long brown hair, though hers was longer than his and most often tied back. Her eyes looked a little bigger in her face than his did, but they were the same chocolate brown. They had the same oval face, same shaped lips, same everything.

He wondered if she ever regretted that, if it might have been better if he'd at least looked like his dad so she'd have that to remind her of him. He shook his head slightly, banishing the thoughts. He met her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to suppress the ache. "I'm sorry. It just didn't�"

"I know." She reached out and brushed at his bangs again, running her fingers down his face. "When� when your father died, I had friends. But none of them were to me what Tetsu is to you. I had no male friends to turn to like you do."

Izumo frowned. He looked over his mother, realizing he'd never seen her with another man. Never, in all these years, had he seen her date. "You loved my dad. You didn't� wouldn't have�" he trailed off, despite the adult conversation, still unable to put his mother and having sex in the same sentence.

She sighed. "I would have, Zumo."

Izumo looked at her sharply. "You would? But�"

"He was gone, Zumo. Just like Hayate. He was dead and finding comfort, allowing myself to live and feel wouldn't have brought him back. It wouldn't have tarnished his memory, wouldn't have changed how much I loved him when he lived." She swallowed around the lump.

"Why haven't you� found anyone else?" Izumo asked.

She sighed again. "At first, I was afraid of falling in love. I didn't have anyone to tell me then that it would be okay to. That Sho would have wanted me to. I was afraid of all those things - tarnishing his memory or somehow forgetting him. But of course, I haven't forgotten him. And you'll never forget Hayate. He'll always be a part of you. But� " She took a deep breath. "But you can remember him and still let go of the pain, eventually the grief and the need to�" she paused and shrugged "To stay true to him. You can live and be happy with someone else."

"You never did." Izumo pointed out.

His mother nodded. "Yes. That's true. But by the time I realized that it would be okay to love again, I was busy. I worked, raised you and practically raised Tetsu at the same time. Then I did raise Tetsu. It takes a lot to manage and provide for two boys. Especially you two, with the both of you being the same age."

Izumo's mouth twisted. "Sorry."

She chuckled. "I'm not. I wouldn't trade you two for the world. I love you both and I'm happy to have you." She fell silent for a moment. "I'm glad you don't feel like brothers, though."

Izumo blinked. "Why?"

She studied his face. "You wouldn't have him to give you what you need. You've never had a brother, so you wouldn't understand that there are some things that just aren't appealing with a sibling, much less acceptable. Suffice it to say that the things I've heard wouldn't happen."

He blushed again. "Ugh, Mom�" he groaned, closing his eyes.

She laughed. "I'll stop mentioning it." She stood up and turned to the stove, picking up the dish of eggs and dumping it into the pan to warm back up. "I just want you to think about it. If you need something, if you need Tetsu, don't push him away. There's nothing wrong in taking comfort with him."

Izumo resisted the urge to groan again. She might as well have told him, 'go ahead, go fuck!' but he knew that wasn't quite what she was saying, either, that it wasn't just about the physical. He let his mind turn it over while he went to set the table.

Kotetsu stood outside the kitchen. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop; he just hadn't realized they weren't done yet. And then it was just too hard to walk away.

He'd called her "Mom" for as long as he could remember, but he'd always still just thought of her as "Izumo's Mom." It was something to find out she really thought of him as her own son.

He'd never known his father. He didn't even know if his mother knew who it was. "Hagane" was her name. He'd thought about getting it changed when he turned eighteen, but he had no idea what he'd change it to. Maybe someday, if his adopted mom didn't mind, he'd take Kamizuki; he just wasn't ready to ask for that yet.

He shook his head. No, the issue at the moment was the things she'd said to Izumo. Besides knowing they'd had sex - and he himself had blushed horribly at that, but besides that was the idea that she encouraged Izumo to be with him.

He let his head fall back to the wall and closed his eyes. He still wondered at times if he'd end up like her. His bitch of a biological mother. If there was something in the genes that would eventually make him be like that. Intellectually, he knew better, but there were still moments when he couldn't shake the idea.

But apparently Izumo's mom - his mom, the one he thought of as his real mom, didn't think so. And if he understood what she was saying, she thought that he and Izumo should� be together?

He didn't know what to make of it. Didn't know what to believe out of all of that. They were best friends. They had had sex - twice now, but he didn't know if Zumo could love him like that. He wasn't sure he could love at all, much less love Zumo.

Hell, he wasn't even sure he knew what love was. But that was neither here nor there at that point. Even if Zumo wanted to love him, it wasn't happening for a long time, not with his grief over Hayate still too new. But Tetsu would be there, he'd give to Zumo anything he needed.

"You can come in now, Tetsu," his mom called and he blushed.

He stood up and went around the wall, setting the frozen roast on the island. "Um�"

She smiled and dropped a kiss on his cheek. "It's okay, love, I mostly didn't want to embarrass Zumo." She pulled him into her arms and wrapped them around him. "I love you as much as I love him. Don't doubt it or forget it." She whispered into his ear and kissed his cheek again. "And thank you. For being there for him."

She stepped back and turned to the stove and he simply stared for a moment at her. She'd just thanked him for having sex with Izumo. He knew there was more to it than that, but that was there, too. He shook his head.

He turned get the silverware out and put it on the table and caught Zumo's gaze. His best friend was staring at him and their eyes met for a long moment. Neither said anything, and he couldn't decipher what was on his friend's face, but he realized in that moment just how important Izumo was to him. And the realization slammed into his gut like a punch from their sensei at the dojo.

He'd always known it, to a point. When his mother� when Ama - he refused to think of her as his mother anymore - had decided to move away from her boyfriend again and taken him with her, he'd always done his best to see Izumo when he could. The only decent thing she'd done was stay in the same school area, and he'd been able to see his friend during school. He went home with Izumo as often as possible, too, sometimes with Ama not even figuring it out until much later.

So, he'd always known Izumo was important, always tried to spend what time he could with his friend. But in that moment, it really hit him just how much the other man meant to him. They continued to stare at each other for another moment, then their mom turned on the water in the sink and the spell was broken. He looked down at the silverware in his hand and proceeded to set the table, but that thought, that feeling didn't fade for a very long time.
- 14
- 15
- 16
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Firsts	By : djserani Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1305 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto! I make no money off of this!

Firsts