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Entropy	By : ersatzbeta Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1332 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor do I profit from writing this or any other fanfiction.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Author's Note: Bonus update!

Chapter Fourteen
The walk back to the house was even more silent than the one Sasuke and Kakashi had already had that morning. Sasuke just about hovered over the snow his footsteps were so quiet, and Kakashi caught himself listening for the sounds of breathing. It was eerie, watching the white plumes forming in front of their faces without any noise to indicate either of them had inhaled or exhaled.
The further they got from the memorial, the less disturbed Sasuke�s chakra was. Kakashi had realized, on an intellectual level, that Sasuke didn�t wanted to go with him. But until the pressure and bleakness drained away from Sasuke�s chakra, Kakashi hadn't known how deeply that unwillingness ran. It brought a physical sense of relief to Kakashi, and it surprised him. He wondered how difficult it was going to be to get Sasuke to tell him that he didn�t want to go again.
It was only upon entering their yard that Sasuke began to make noise while walking. By this time the sun was fully up and the snow slithered off the trees, half melted. Kakashi sighed as one blob hit him on the head. It was very cold as it trickled down through his hair and onto his neck. The snow remaining in the yard held the promise of slush and mud, should he and Sasuke do much within the immediate vicinity of the house. Kakashi took one glove off and swiped at the water that continued to seep onto his neck.
�Hey Sasuke,� said Kakashi.
�What?� said Sasuke.
Kakashi looked up and froze. He forgot why he had one arm up, forgot about the cold, forgot whatever it was that had made him talk. Sasuke was walking in front of him. Not behind, which would give him the tactical advantage and not beside so that Kakashi was constantly negotiating the obstacle of his left eye�Sasuke was in front of him.
His back faced Kakashi and it had fallen victim to a few clots of the slush, the fabric there clinging to the skin underneath, translucent and slightly pink where it made direct contact. It was� Kakashi dropped his arm.
�What?� said Sasuke.
He turned to look back at Kakashi and Kakashi noticed how lean he was with the sun piercing his clothes like that. They hung perfectly, but there was little holding them up. Kakashi swallowed, blinked, and tried not to think how vulnerable he looked.
�Fine,� said Sasuke. �Whatever.�
He turned around again and Kakashi could see from the set of his shoulders that he was annoyed. He came back to himself after a moment. He cursed. This was the first time Sasuke had been trusting enough to show his back, and a very rare occasion where he had tried to keep a conversation going instead of letting it fade.
�I was just thinking,� said Kakashi.
He was pleased that Sasuke stopped walking when he talked. Though he didn�t turn, he was listening.
�We probably shouldn�t be out in the yard today. It�s going to be messy until we get a hard freeze.�
Sasuke inclined his head in assent. The movement swept the hair across his neck, revealing an inch or two of the pale skin underneath. Kakashi forced himself to watch his footing as they picked across the yard and reached the porch. Sasuke opened the front door and went in. Kakashi lingered a moment longer, placing his hand on the door where Sasuke�s fingers had just been.
They took off their sandals and Sasuke made for the warmth of the stove. It was much nicer inside than out, despite not having central heating beyond what the stove could produce. Still, Sasuke got as close to the heat as he could without singeing his clothing or burning himself. Kakashi busied himself opening shutters, letting in the morning light where he could. It didn�t take long, and Kakashi brought the kitchen chairs into the living room.
�Thanks,� said Sasuke.
He settled into the chair, and Kakashi sat in his. The fire was luxurious after the chill of the woods, and he joined Sasuke in his basking. After a minute or two, Kakashi noticed Sasuke was looking at him. Not staring, but flicking his eyes toward and away every so often. He had a pretty good idea what it was about, but if Sasuke wanted to talk, he should just talk and not bother with any of this weird sort of conversational foreplay. It was a little irritating, for one, and it wasn�t going to move the conversation forward. Kakashi caught and held Sasuke�s gaze.
Sasuke dropped his eyes and shifted in his chair.
�You already know,� said Sasuke.
Kakashi let him collect himself. Sasuke took a breath, his jaw clenched, the muscles beneath his cheeks working.
�Oh?� Kakashi said. �Know what?�
�What I�m going to say,� said Sasuke.
Sasuke crossed his arms, though the rest of him remained rigid in his chair. Ah. So that was the problem. Kakashi slumped forward and perched his elbows on his knees.
�Doesn�t mean you don�t need to say it,� said Kakashi.
He didn�t look over at Sasuke, but rather caught his reflection, distorted, in the glass of the stove�s face. He was sure Sasuke noticed, but neither of them said anything about it. He waited. The fire continued to burn and Kakashi was getting uncomfortably warm sitting so close. He felt sweat beginning to gather at his hairline, though his hands and feet were still quite appreciative. Kakashi made to push his chair back, bracing his feet against the floor.
�Fine,� said Sasuke.
Kakashi glanced over now. Sasuke seemed to think he�d been backed into a corner or handed an ultimatum. Interesting.
�I don�t want to go back to the memorial,� said Sasuke. �I didn�t like it and I did say once was all I�d promise. You�ve had your once.�
Kakashi said nothing, but he scooted his chair further from the fire. Sasuke frowned, then glared when he saw how much further Kakashi was pushing his seat. He held himself even more stiffly than before. Kakashi gave him a look.
�What?� he said. �It�s hot over there. Too hot.�
Sasuke began to relax then. It gave Kakashi even more food for thought. He felt overwhelmed for a moment by all the problems and challenges life with Sasuke presented. He sighed. Where did a person start? With the obvious, he supposed.
�I�m not angry,� said Kakashi. �I�m actually��
He paused for a moment, trying to figure the best words. Glad? Pleased? Surprised? What he was was relieved, though he couldn�t say that to Sasuke�s face.
�You�re what?� Sasuke said.
He was wary, Kakashi could see, but not discomfited. He wanted to hear whatever it was Kakashi was going to say. That was a good sign.
�I�m surprised,� said Kakashi. �I�m glad you told me.�
He wouldn�t say Sasuke glowed or blossomed with that small praise, but it was obvious that he was also relieved and pleased. He was breathing more easily, for one, and his erect carriage relaxed an infinitesimal amount.
�Not everyone,� said Sasuke.
He stopped himself. Kakashi hadn�t been expecting anything more, but he feigned relaxation in the hopes that Sasuke might continue.
�Not everyone likes hearing no,� said Sasuke.
A troubled look passed over his face and he curled into himself, hunching over a touch and masking his discomfort by leaning closer to the fire. Even guessing what he was thinking about made Kakashi hurt. It could be almost anything, anything at all from the time he�d left Konoha to the time he was released into Kakashi�s care. He doubted any horror stories Sasuke might tell--or if not tell, then keep locked inside--would surprise him, but that didn�t make the possibilities any less painful. Kakashi rested his chin on the heel of one hand.
�I may not like hearing it,� Kakashi said, �but at least I�ll accept it.�
Sasuke nodded slowly and deliberately. He turned his face back to the stove. Kakashi considered making some sort of offer of future conversation, but he just couldn�t force some semblance of �if you ever need to talk� out of his mouth. It sounded so ridiculous, so soft, so everything that would make Sasuke turn away from him, well-intentioned or not. If Sasuke needed to talk, he was here: the way of the ninja gave all its people certain shared experiences, and Kakashi would understand, no matter what Sasuke told him (assuming he ever did.)
Kakashi got out of his chair. He felt Sasuke�s eyes on him.
�If I stoke the fire, will you back off from the stove a little?� said Kakashi. �My medical skills don�t cover third-degree burns.�
Sasuke nodded and Kakashi could feel the held-back roll of his eyes. Still, he was quick to move his chair back. Kakashi added another log to the fire and opened the vents further. The fire blazed up and heat washed over them. He sat again and decided it wasn�t worth the effort to move back further.
Comfortable and quiet, they sat for a while. Eventually Sasuke moved his chair away from the stove. Kakashi didn�t say anything, but he tended the fire, letting the flames shrink low against the coals before going back to his seat. They continued to enjoy the warmth in silence. The wood crackled, and from time to time a breeze outside picked up through the trees. Daylight crept across the floor, easing from window to window, and Kakashi felt himself relaxing further and further in Sasuke�s company. Thoughts built up inside him, all at once, and he was compelled to let one, a safe, harmless one, free in the quiet living room.
�Hey Sasuke,� he said. �What do you think about training grounds?�
A/N: I really think these two (13 and 14) are transformative chapters, not only for the characters and their interactions, but also for the tone of the story. I'm attempting to nudge things and make it a little less desperate and unhappy. There was a huge disconnect before and, like I said, I'm attempting to bridge that gap with these (and a few more) chapters. I hope it ends up coming together smoothly...
Also, you may or may not be interested to know that chapters 13, 14, 15, 16, and 17 were all chapter thirteen at one point. (This chapter, chapter fourteen, was Chapter 13-B for months. The original chapter thirteen is now seventeen.) I tried to cover way too much in thirteen, and I just couldn't manage to squeeze it all into a montage. And then, when I started refining the plot, I had to add even more stuff to thirteen! I abandoned having it all neatly packaged in one chapter.
I hope you've enjoyed reading the story so far. Regular update again on Saturday/Sunday.
- 14
- 15
- 16
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Entropy