Innocence | By : Night_Being Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female > Itachi/Sakura Views: 10533 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Warnings: ANGST, Fingering, M/F, Minor2, Rape, Work In Progress
When Sakura stepped out of the Hokage’s tower, her eyes were immediately blinded by the bright beams of Konoha’s warm sun. It was heating up her porcelain skin, but despite the effort, she couldn’t feel it. Her body was cold as a corpse, or at least that was the way she perceived it.
The fact had hit her while she was walking down the stairs – she really is home.
Everything happened so smoothly and quickly. The journey back seemed like a blurry mess, as she was mostly lost in the fear of Lady Tsunade’s reaction, and then came the actual talk with the Fifth Hokage. She believed her, every word Sakura let out, was considered trustworthy. She couldn’t understand how she managed to stay this calm while lying right into the face of her teacher, but she did. Sakura concealed the real purpose of her abduction and did exactly what Itachi suggested to do. She told her that he attempted to evoke emotions which would eventually lead her to betray the village. Partly, he succeeded, she indeed held strong affection towards the Uchiha, though he never meant to force her into spying for the Akatsuki. But that was to remain their little secret.
Strange how two weeks and a single person could change one’s life. But to Sakura it felt more like years. And now, after what seemed like such a long time, she was finally home. Strolling through the streets of the village she was born in, looking at the places she knew as a little girl, realizing that she should feel something, probably happiness, but she couldn’t. She had no idea what to do, what to think or what to feel. Her life changed and she changed with it… it was permanent and so raw that she suddenly found herself trapped in nothingness.
Sakura carefully closed the door of her pent apartment and hesitantly looked around. The place was cleaned. Her mother probably sneaked there and tidied when she was gone. Sakura noticed that she still wore the clothes Itachi had given her several days ago. It seemed so long. Exactly as long as when he let her wait in the inn, she thought. Although not so painful, luckily. She didn’t feel the searing need to look for him, they wouldn’t let her pass the gate anyway. She just felt… plain and empty.
With a heavy sigh, she proceeded to walk towards the bathroom. Everything around her seemed so alien. It was the same apartment she left, the same things, the same environment and it all looked so foreign to her now. Nothing around here changed, she knew… Konoha was still the same peaceful place. It wasn’t the fault of her village or her home. It was her – Sakura Haruno – who came back different.
She absently took off all her clothes and automatically turned on the water. She had no idea what time or even day was… she just wanted to stay alone for as long as her brain will be in this pleasant stage of emptiness.
Sakura knew that if any of her friends saw her acting like an emotionless monster, it would only freak them out. And then she would be forced to answer their irritating questions. It didn’t even surprise her that she wasn’t particularly worried about the feelings of her friends as much as she found the sheer image of their intrusive queries exhaustive and useless. Not like they could actually help her, not like she needed anyone’s help. Although they would surely try and that would be even more annoying.
Yes. Sakura was selfish. But the only thing she could think about or focus on now was Itachi… and all the silly stuff he had told her. Words like captivating, mine and cherries played in her mind along with an overwhelming warmth of his tender touches and safe embrace, and she found herself being able to do only one thing – recall her memories all over again; and wait.
Sakura snorted ironically when she comprehended the ignorance of her behavior, but honestly, she couldn’t care less at this point. Itachi wasn’t the man they taught her to be. He was supposed to be cold and cruel and he sure did all he could to be seen like that, but the more time Sakura spent with him, she discovered other sides of the stoic man. He was caring, gentle and kind and she was caught completely unprepared and helpless against the affection in his onyx eyes. So she did what every fifteen year old girl would do when handled in manners like that – she fell in love with him. Hopeless, forbidden, consuming love – a secret dream of every young woman.
When the tub was filled almost to the top, Sakura lazily leaned inside that hot heaven. With her head empty, she dived under the surface and stayed in the peacefully calm environment. In that moment she felt like breathing is no longer needed, the air was useless to her, and the warm water provided her with the heat that above all resembled her of him. The light pressure of the hot liquid pushing her down reminded her of Itachi’s intensive burning stare and the grasp around her body was almost like his arms, holding her tightly, right the moment before she was forcefully ripped from that secure hold and tossed back into the real world; back into Konoha.
Oh, if she could just stay under the water for the rest of her life, or at least till Itachi would come back for her. Now, when feeling this serene safety consuming her, she was absolutely sure that he was going to come. But she was ruthlessly robbed of that newly found paradise as well, when a pair of hands hysterically grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her up into the cold air of her bathroom.
“Sakura! For god’s sake!” High pitch scream resonated amongst the tiles and she blinked a few times before focusing on the woman sitting on the edge of her tub.
“Mom?” Sakura breathed out in disbelief.
“What are you doing?” the woman shouted.
Sakura hesitated. “Taking a bath?” she tried to state the obvious.
“I hope you have some good explanations!” Her mother shot her a fiery look.
The stunned girl in the tub just kept on staring, unable to put together a single emotion that could lead her mother to believe that she is quite alright.
“Dress yourself, we’ll be waiting for you in the kitchen,” the woman stated firmly and promptly left the bathroom.
We – that meant only one thing, her mother came with her father as a backup. Not like the man would ever be any real support, since he always simply agreed with his wife and then fell mute again.
Sakura sighed, she had no idea what she is supposed to tell her parents. It wasn’t like she ever planned to tell the truth. They would never understand. Her mother was a civilian and her father an eternal gennin. They couldn’t comprehend the pressure and stress she came through in her career in order to become a good medic, the best of all, right after her teacher. At least that’s what she liked to think sometimes; the dream of becoming stronger than the Hokage never leaving her subconscious. And they sure as hell wouldn’t understand her love for a criminal, when she herself couldn’t grasp the fact properly either.
By the time Sakura tied the knot on her bathrobe she already knew that today was the day that Sakura Haruno has not just lied to the Hokage herself, but she is probably going to lie again. And then again… to her parents, to her friends, to the whole world. And she was not going to flinch a bit. The lack of feelings doing half of the job for her.
“Hi dad.” She forced an empty smile and seated herself on the kitchen chair, slowly turning her head towards her mother.
“You have a lot to explain, young lady! What were you thinking? Disappearing like that?! You were gone for more than two weeks! No letter! No message! How do you think it made us feel, Sakura? Explain yourself or you’re grounded for the rest of your life!”
Sakura patiently listened to her mother’s ranting. Realizing that the raging stance of the woman who gave her life wasn’t as intimidating as she remembered it, the accusation in her eyes not as painful as it used to be and the hidden hurt in her voice as she was trying to mask her real feeling with her wrath – a treat they shared – didn’t strike a single guilty cell in Sakura’s body.
“And that Tsunade! She didn’t even bother to tell us where you went, saying that you will explain everything when you come back… tsch… according to her, we’re not allowed to know the whereabouts of our own daughter, because that information is classified!” she exaggerated the last word.
Sakura sat in her spot, silently, observing the woman in front of her waving her hands and yelling at everything which moved. And she felt – nothing. Despite the woman being her own mother, Sakura had no emotion close to compassion with the fear her mom surely came through. Though she wasn’t ignoring her like a spoiled teenager. No. she was analyzing. Examining the situation, carefully listening to every word her mother said, building a picture of what she may or may not already know and gradually coming with a plan to mask the real events of those last two weeks.
“So you better start talking, young lady!”
Sakura recognized that the monologue is over. Now was her time to speak. “I’m sorry mom,” she stated bluntly. Her empty tone playing the role of her shame. “But I was sent on an S-ranked mission.” And that was is, the lie was born, a piece of cake in fact.
Her mother blinked a few times. “What? You’re just a child! They cannot send you on such dangerous missions!” She exclaimed.
“I volunteered,” Sakura said plainly. “They gave us the opportunity and I took it. I’m sorry I scared you, but you know how much is the career important for me and that was the best way to show my abilities. Lady Tsunade would probably tell you everything, but since your ranks aren’t high enough, she simply couldn’t.” She stated with cold face and saw the woman standing tensely in the middle of her small kitchen gulp for more air, but it seemed her mother just ran out of words. So Sakura continued…
“I noticed you’ve cleaned here, thank you. I very much appreciate it, but now if you’d excuse me, I’m very tired and I would really like to have some sleep.” She said with her voice indifferent. Wishing to close the conversation she stood up from the chair.
“Hah… do you hear that!” Her mother found her lost words and turned to face the husband who was sitting opposite of Sakura. “And do not use that tone with me!” She promptly faced her daughter again when there was no response from the head of the family.
“Also, I’m not a child anymore,” Sakura decided to continue once more, since it seemed that her mother wasn’t going to be done just like that. The features of her young innocent face stayed dead calm. “You gave me the chance to become an independent person,” she looked around her tiny apartment. “I know I’m not a full adult yet, but soon I will be and it would be very nice of you to stop treating me like a kid and give me the chance to prove myself,” she explained simply and firmly.
Her mother stayed in a shocked awe and on the face of her father played a tiny smile that she could only recognize as proud. They had no idea what she was talking about. What she came through. They were simple people, with simple needs and simple thoughts and she loved them like that. She could always hide inside their home and not think about the Akatsuki, Orochimaru or any other danger that threatened the village, but that was then… when she was a child.
“Dinner… Sunday. We’ll be expecting you on time,” was the only response that came from her mother before she turned on her heel and left her apartment, followed by her husband who took the last opportunity to gently brush Sakura’s shoulder with his large palm and grant her a tired but pleased look.
She shot him a short lived smile and then was left alone to her own thoughts as the main door were closed shut. A slight twitch in her chest made her flinch, but she had no idea what it was. She had no idea that deep inside her mind questions were slowly starting to bubble. Her head was silent, but it was the silence that came before a big storm.
Not waiting another second she dragged her tired body towards her bedroom and let her limbs rest. Never even touching her fluffy rabbit; a stuffed toy which for two weeks lied sadly on the cold floor, waiting for his Sakura to come home, but she never did.
“She is clearly in a stage of denial.” Kakashi stated matter-of-factly.
Tsunade nodded. “I know. We can’t really force her to admit anything, not yet. She might snap and lose it completely. I worry about her. The things that she will yet have to come through…” she indicated, her voice genuinely worried about Sakura’s mental state. When her apprentice told her about her feelings, she immediately knew how bad the situation was and how long the poor girl will be healing from the horrors which Itachi forced on her. Partly, it was worse than actual rape, because for Sakura, her feelings were as real as her unconditional love for Sasuke. Though somewhat she was relieved that Sakura submitted to her emotions and fell for her captor, avoiding any physical damage the Uchiha planned to commit. Tsunade just hoped that Sakura’s mind would be strong enough to realize that what her body was telling her, was only a mere illusion.
“Someone should be with her all the time,” Shizune said quietly, keeping the conversation between the three people in the office highly private, even though there wasn’t anyone else to hear them.
“I’ve sent Ino. It wasn’t the best option, but…” Tsunade shrugged, she would stay with Sakura herself, but the duties of being Hokage were too time consuming.
“I think Naruto should be there too,” Kakashi suggested. His blonde student was currently in the Konoha woods, learning and developing an absolutely new and ultimate jutsu under a guidance of Yamato. He was kept in dark about Sakura’s return for now. They knew the moment the information would reache him, he would run to his friend. But they weren’t that sure if what he was about to find would still be the Sakura he left almost three years ago waiting in the village.
“Really?” Tsunade raised her eyebrows, but she knew Kakashi was probably right. Naruto could always cheer up even the gloomiest moment and bring back everyone from the worst darkness; well… almost everyone. “Sure, yes. Of course. Go Kakashi, go to Naruto and tell him that Sakura is at home and safe,” she ordered with a sigh and watched as the copy nin nodded and disappeared.
Sakura woke up to an odd strain in her body. She opened her eyes, realizing it probably was still the same day. The strange pressure in her chest made her blink in confusion. What was it? She wasn’t able to name it, but it felt paralyzing, keeping her limbs spread over the wide bed. The closest thing she could compare it to was only fear.
She inhaled deeply, still unable to grasp why she would be afraid and of what? Then she noticed a movement; hidden threat rooted somewhere in her body. It squirmed and wriggled like a bundle of snakes covered by a thin white sheet. And it hit her… her emotions. They were there, all of them. Feelings of pain, guilt, sorrow and anger, crawling inside her and burying themselves inside her belly, waiting and lurking for a moment of weakness, but despite that, still away from her reach. Like some unknown power was trying to protect her from the explosion which could easily tear her apart if set free, and the same invisible source kept that huge amount of despair plugged in a fragile container embedded right under her ribs.
Sakura somehow perceived that if she was to become too emotional, that barrier would be broken and her body would be flooded with agony so strong that she would surely collapse. And there was where the fear came from… she knew she wasn’t be able to stay calm long enough for that pain to go away. Itachi might think that she was suitably strong to handle that much stress, but now when she felt it creeping right inside of her; that incredible and untamable load; she wasn’t sharing his belief.
If she could just stay in her bed, motionless, for the rest of her life, then she would probably be out of danger, but the unceasing banging on her main door proved her otherwise.
Sakura reluctantly stood up from the bed and slowly strolled towards her door. From her bedroom to the living room which also served as the hall, kitchen and dining room as well. She didn’t really want to let whoever was behind that wall in, but the steady blunt noise of a person demanding attention hurt her head.
Sakura grabbed the handle and opened.
A blond hurricane rushed in. “You are unbelievable! What the hell are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at the hospital or something? I’ve heard that they brought you back a while ago… you were home for hours and didn’t even bothered to come knocking that you’re alright? Sakura! Are you even listening to me?!” Her friend stormed right into the middle of her apartment, waving hands and yelling pointlessly. Maybe she judged too quickly when she thought that those loud knocks were painful.
Sakura closed the door, then slowly turned towards the intruder of her peace. “Ino,” she uttered simply.
The girl rolled her eyes. “On yes I know my name! What is wrong… oh.” Then as if she realized her ignorant behavior, she ashamedly drifted her eyes from the pink haired girl.
“It’s okay. I feel alright,” Sakura said plainly.
Ino shot her a spying glance, then eyed her suspiciously. “Tsch… have you seen yourself? You look like hell, Forehead! Have you been in a hospital yet? What did they tell you?” she asked swiftly. The fire back in her face full of mixed emotions. She so much reminded Sakura of her own mother, with that worry about her well-being hidden by her anger. But with one major difference, Ino probably knew almost everything that had happened to her pink haired friend. If not from Tsunade then from her father, Inoichi Yamanaka, and if not from him, then from her own sources – Izumo and Kotetsu, those two were familiar with every whistling leaf in Konoha. If something happened, they knew. Probably quicker than the Intel Division itself. And it didn’t take too much effort for Ino’s baby blue eyes and long black lashes to charm them enough to speak.
Sakura exhaled before she repeated her statement bluntly. “I said I’m fine. Lady Tsunade checked me up herself,” she added in a senseless attempt to relax Ino’s tensed posture.
The blonde hesitated, then looked around, trying to look as casual as the situation allowed her to, but they both knew that this conversation was starting to be highly unpleasant, if that was the right word, because the feelings of two currently very silent girls differed excessively.
“Well if she let you go home, then it’s okay I guess…” Ino whispered after a long moment of awkward silence and then dared to actually look right into Sakura’s empty jade eyes. “So, how was it?” A quiet query slipped on her pink lips.
Despite trying to continue their dialogue, Sakura’s face stayed uninterested. “How was what?”
Ino walked around the sofa and with a painful expression threw her perfectly shaped butt in it. A random observed might even think that the suffering one was actually the blonde. “You know… how was he? I remember I saw him on our mission, or at least some kind of a really weird clone, when we were just about to safe the Kazekage, and let me say… wow… he is so damn scary! I mean have you seen his eyes? Well… you did, probably and I shouldn’t have, I know that… but they just draw you in! And that icy voice, it was like the death itself…”
Ino started talking and every other of her words felt like a cold stab right into Sakura’s heart. She found herself becoming furious about the way her childhood friend was talking about Itachi. Like she knew anything about him. Like she was worthy of judging him. And if she was already thinking this, what she would say about Sakura being in love with the man Ino dumbly described as “damn scary”.
Something moved within her and Sakura felt the critically thin barrier over her pain waver. “Ino, stop,” she called and immediately noticed as with the raise of her voice her chest shivered and a dose of that hidden agony leaked out. An icy finger of dread strolled over her spine and she had to breathe in deeply to calm down. Luckily nothing of that was seen by the sadly crouched blonde on the rather old couch.
“Yeah, I’m sorry…” Ino muttered and raised her soft blue eyes to her friend who kept standing in the spot she let her inside her home a few minutes ago. “I know I talk too much, but you really should share some of your feelings too, you know that. I think it might help you. We’re here for you, after all.” She tested if a gentle smile would make Sakura reveal something of the horrible incident with Itachi, but the pink haired kunoichi kept on returning the cheery expression with her face cold and unchanged.
“I know and I appreciate it,” she said in a voice that couldn’t be farer from her statement. Then finally moved, walking past the couch and to the corner of the room where a small counter, sink, stove and table with two fragile looking chairs played the role of a tiny kitchen.
Ino’s troubled glare followed her the petite figure elegantly crossing the room. “Well, then? No sharing?” she tried to push her friend with more questions. Watching cautiously as Sakura took two cups and pouring some water into a pot, she set it onto the small circle of flames, heating up the liquid so she could serve some tea to her unwanted guest.
“No,” she said vacantly without so much as turning to face her more and more concerned friend.
“Sakura… you’re acting really weird. Is something wrong? I know I yap all the time, but you know me. When I start, I can’t stop,” Ino laughed nervously, rather a hopeless attempt to ease the situation, but Sakura knew better. She honestly had no interest in explaining something. There wasn’t too much to explain, really. And moreover, Ino wouldn’t like the explanation Sakura could provide anyway.
“There is nothing wrong. I feel just fine,” she uttered and kept on watching the heating teapot on her stove.
“Oh really? Because from what I’ve heard… and from what I see…” Ino raised her voice but then fell mute, noticing that Sakura wasn’t as much listening to her as she was trying to avoid the conversation. “Come on! You can’t be serious, you spent two whole weeks in hands of that monster who did who-knows-what to you and you say you feel fine?” She exclaimed and promptly stood up, walking towards her friend, taking Sakura by her shoulders and forcefully turning her indifferent face away from the stove to look into the blue pools of worry.
“Yes,” the pink haired kunoichi said, her features pale and dead. But the warm touch of Ino’s hands stabbed her and caused another flinch of the plug holding down all those emotions with fatal consequences.
No! She wasn’t going to talk about it… Ino wouldn’t understand, would she?
Ino pierced her with determined stare. “And I don’t believe you… it must have been horrible! Did he tell why he took you away?” She kept on asking and pushing her friend somewhere to the black void of her destruction.
Sakura returned the persistent look with a slight frown. But it was too much, too much emotions was in her friend’s face and she couldn’t stand to look into her eyes, realizing that she should probably look very similar – worried, angry and driven by a need to safe herself. But she simply wasn’t able to, because all she wanted was to sink back into the addictive feeling of Itachi’s aroma and touch. It drove her crazy and swayed with that invisible wall holding away all the despair that might easily make her insane.
Sakura sighed and decided to answer at least one of her friend’s questions with something that may satisfy Ino’s inquiring nature. “Kinda.” She mumbled.
“And?” Ino raised her eyebrows, expecting Sakura to continue.
And to Sakura’s own surprise, her own mouth started talking. “Well, he explained that he wanted me to become their spy.”
Ino bursted out into a throaty laugh, letting go of her friend’s shoulders and freeing her from the burden of her light weight. “What an idiot, like you would ever… you didn’t right?” She hastily reassured herself.
“No.” Sakura’s frown deepened and for a split of a second there were those old green flames inside her eyes, but they vanished as soon as they appeared; a faint flicker, nothing more.
Though it was enough for Ino to make her go on with her yapping. “Yeah, right. Like you would ever agree to do that… how the hell was he planning to persuade you?” she asked recklessly, but after seeing the horror which flew over Sakura’s face she realized that it might not be the right choice of topic. “Oh god… I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have… I mean, did he…” she started, clearly not knowing anything about what really happened between the two of them. “Was he violent?” she hinted carefully.
Sakura felt her breathing deepen. The words of her friend waking up facts that she wasn’t yet prepared to deal with. Not right now at least. “No, he wasn’t,” she whispered, shocked how hard speaking suddenly was.
Ino hesitated. “Then… how was he?” She decided not to let go of the opportunity to drag more answers.
But Sakura just shook her head and breathed out a silent. “No.” She couldn’t bring herself to tell Ino anything. The girl would never understand Sakura’s situation. She saw Itachi only as the criminal he indeed was and Sakura secretly agreed with her. But even the thought about Itachi as evil made her feel like she just betrayed the trust promise she had given him. And by being guilty about that made her feel like she just abandoned the village… she was just a stupid little girl and her own emotions tore her soul apart.
“What? Sakura! Come on! You need to talk about it…” Ino wailed, not acknowledging the painful grin her friend was suffering with.
“No, I can’t… I won’t.” Sakura wept and clenched her jaw, suppressing the hurt and tears that threatened to come crushing down on her every second.
“Why? Was it…” the blonde stopped mid-sentence, finally seeing the agony in her friend’s face. And just like every normal person, she interpreted Sakura’s dire strain in features her own way – the most logical way. Ino gritted her teeth. “Damn him! That bastard! I swear that if I ever see him again! That sick, sick joke of a man!” she spat, voice so full of hate and menace that Sakura actually thought that Ino would turn on her heel and set out to find and kill Itachi right on the spot.
But there was it again. Those words… bastard, murderer, criminal… everything that Sakura was so hardly trying not to see. After all, people could change and Itachi might actually regret his actions. Maybe he wanted to redeem himself by saving Sasuke – the last living member of the clan that he, Itachi, himself had slaughtered in cold blood.
Against her will the images of his warm eyes and soft touches were replaced by something else – by his voice. But it wasn’t the tender tone with which he spoke to her on the porch under the rain or during the sunset on the boat. It wasn’t his usual gentle tone. It was hoarse and wicked and it was followed by an itch in her neck, exactly in the place he had cruelly sank in his teeth while pining her into the wall. She used to consider that memory pleasant as it was associated with a mind blowing orgasm, but now it had a completely different impact, and the light of the inn kitchen where they had spent those pleasant days and ate together disappeared and darkened.
“Ino, stop… please.” Sakura shook as she was so desperately trying to chase away what more and more seemed as the real Itachi, the man she should hate and despise, like she used to do. But couldn’t anymore.
“Sakura! Can’t you see it’s killing you to keep it in… just let it out, tell me, I won’t judge you… it’s not like you could do anything about it, right?”
The harsh truth was… she could. But she didn’t want to. And Ino’s words were her last drop.
“No, stop!” Sakura shrieked.
“What the hell? You seriously need help, Forehead!” Ino raised her eyebrows and then frowned.
“I don’t need help!” Sakura yelled, her voice failing as her throat narrowed dangerously. She suddenly felt sick, like she was about to throw up all of her organs. Her vision went blurry as the avalanche of agony violated her flesh and she found herself unable to stand. “-can’t breathe…”
Sakura felt her body fall on the floor, knees painfully hitting the tiles of her kitchen. The paralyzing misery bringing her to the brink of passing out. It came to her all at once. She felt so cold and despite all, despite everything Itachi was, despite him being probably the worst person in the whole world, she wished for nothing else but his warm embrace and soothing soft voice… she was scum of the earth and her sole existence tore her body apart, but she couldn’t stand to be without him, couldn’t stand to face the people of her village, who only judged her and thought about her as crazy little girl who needed help.
“Sakura!” Two voices exclaimed at the same time. One terrified and the other… she couldn’t tell. It was something between happy and shocked, but then a strong arms pulled her into a firm embrace. In contrast with the steady chest she realized just how much she was shaking.
Sakura gasped few times. “N-Naruto?” She whispered faintly, tears scraping her cheeks, but she recognized that face, too close to her now, with eyes that reflected nothing more but unconditional support… and then it disappeared as he pushed her head into the juncture of his neck.
“Hey, it’s alright. We’re here.” He increased the grip and held her safely. “You’re really cold, Sakura. I don’t care if you beat me after, I won’t let you go.” He seemed different, taller. His voice was deeper than she remembered, and yet it was still the same knucklehead she expected him to be. She found herself clinging to his orange tracksuit. Desperately needing to feel something, someone…
But there it was. The warmth of a human body. Not that of a lover, but that of a friend – and it was enough, it was just what she needed to feel. It soothed her pain if even just slightly. She breathed in Naruto’s aroma, the light smell of ramen soup and something else… something cheerful that finally made her feel like she was somewhere she belongs – home.
Then her vision went black.
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