Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Firsts
By : djserani
Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male
Views: 1305 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto! I make no money off of this!
Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
REMINDER:This story takes place in Darkprism's Monoshizukanohi Universe. Though the appearances of Monoshizukanohi locations in this series of stories is minor, it does exist and that world belongs to her. She graciously allows me to play.

Secondly, this story is relatively tame, but the boys ARE, technically, underage . So, technically, I need to add the "minor" warning.

Rest of the warnings for this chapter: None, really, except language. I know, shock, right? Especially Two in a row! More smut soon, I promise.

* * *

Tetsu won. Just barely. He managed to steal the very last pancake and stuff it into his mouth. Izumo didn't mind, partially because it felt good to laugh at his subsequent stomach ache.

And partially because he wasn't sure he could drive the jeep just yet.

They'd dressed in jeans and t-shirts and headed out shortly thereafter. As they approached the Jeep, Izumo paused a couple of feet from it. There, on the side was a tiny hole. He took the last couple of steps and stared at it.

It was barely a blip, almost unnoticeable and wouldn't have been if Izumo didn't know to look. There was a patch a little further away, repaired and painted over. And then a third on the door itself also patched and painted over. Izumo had spent so much time looking at the thing over the last year, that he'd learned just about every scrape and dent.

If he stepped back and looked at it objectively, you couldn't tell. But he could. He knew exactly where to look. And he swallowed hard at the reminder of what they were.

Bullet holes.

He took another few seconds, breathing hard, fighting the inevitable tears. He was not going to let them out. He'd spent so much time on all of this. So much time already hiding from life. The pain was part of that, he knew that, recognized it.

He just couldn't let it rule him. He'd let the numbness do that, let it take over. And he'd hurt the living people in his life because of it.

No more.

Izumo closed the distance and stopped at the side of the jeep. His still avoided looking at the patches, at the hole and he considered the cost of a paint job. But he wouldn't do it anyway, even if he had the money.

Tetsu unlocked the door for him and he yanked on the handle with more force than he'd meant to. He made himself calm down a bit and glanced at Tetsu apologetically. Tetsu watched him for a moment then went around to the driver's side.

"We'll need to get a copy of the key made," Izumo said while Tetsu got settled.

"We don't have to do that," Kotetsu said, concentrating on starting the car.

Izumo shook his head. "No, we should have more than one, anyway. But then we don't have to worry about who's got the keys or whatever."

"Okay." Tetsu said, "So� what do you want to do?"

"Let's go get Kenji. Maybe just drive for a while or something," Izumo suggested and Tetsu nodded, pulling out of the spot.

It took Kotetsu a few tries to get the hang of stick shift again, but then he was zipping through gears like a pro. "This is fun to drive," Tetsu said, taking a corner a little too fast. Zumo hung onto the roll bar and actually chuckled.

"Yeah. H�" he paused and swallowed, then forced his lips to work. "Hayate let me drive it. In fact, he tried to get me to drive more than I did, but�" he trailed off then shook his head at himself. "But I liked being over here. I liked holding his hand instead of having to pay attention to driving."

Tetsu grinned, "I know. Never would let go of him." He snorted. "Especially when we were all together."

Izumo blushed, but chuckled. "Yeah." He stopped then and swallowed again. "Yeah," he said again, looking through the windshield. He wasn't seeing the streets or the lights or the houses, though. He was seeing Hayate in the driver's seat with that annoyed crease on his brow when he kept having let go so he could shift gears. "He used to talk about getting a different car - an automatic. So� so�" he stopped and concentrated on breathing again.

Kotetsu snorted. "Saps. Both of ya."

Izumo nodded. "Yup, no apologies for it, either." He still stared sightlessly out the window, lost in the memories. This was going to be harder than he thought. He focused once more on the simple acts of inhaling and exhaling.

They pulled up at Kenji's and Tetsu cut the engine. "I'll stay here," Izumo said, glancing over and Kotetsu nodded.

"Okay. We don't� we don't hold hands and stuff, Zumo, so you don't have to worry about that."

Izumo nodded, but looked over at his friend. "You don't have to not do stuff because of me. I've already caused plenty of problems. I'm not g-," he started but Tetsu interrupted him.

"Don't. Just� we already talked about this. Stop. We don't hold hands and stuff because we're not boyfriends, okay?"

"Okay," Izumo replied, looking back out through the windshield.

"We'll be right back," Tetsu said, opening the door, but he kept his eyes on Zumo. "You okay?"

Izumo nodded, though he wasn't really, but he would be damned if he kept that crap up and piss Tetsu off more. "I'll be fine. Go get our friend."

"Alright. Back in a minute." Kotetsu said, climbing out of the Jeep.

Izumo watched him walk up the sidewalk, climb the steps to the porch and knock. He turned his attention back to the interior of the Jeep. Ichirou had cleaned it up, so the persistent straw wrappers and crap that Hayate had never managed to clean out were gone. There was an old pack of gum in a small compartment under the radio, and a piece of paper sitting under it.

Izumo reached over and pulled it out. It was a picture of him. One of the snapshots Hayate had taken the summer before when they'd been camping. He had a long stick in his hand that he'd been threatening Tetsu with. Kenji's arm could be seen off to the one side and the edges of Tetsu's spikes on the other. Kotetsu had taken so much crap from everyone for bringing the stuff with him to mess with his hair.

He ran a finger over the picture. He was looking at the camera - and Hayate - and had a huge grin on his face. One of Hayate's hands was sticking out with a finger up. He'd been telling Zumo to just stand still for one fucking moment while he took the picture.

He carefully put the picture back before he crushed it in his hand without thinking. It took him a couple of tries to get it in place because he couldn't see the compartment clearly anymore. He finally managed it then swiped at the annoying water on his face. He looked out the window, but Tetsu had gone into the house.

He closed his eyes, laid his head back on the seat, and put his energy into finding some semblance of control again.

"Tetsu?" Kenji asked as he came to the door.

"Hey." Kotetsu greeted Kenji. He glanced over his shoulder, but Izumo's head was down, staring at something in his hand.

"Tetsu, is that�?" Kenji was staring at the jeep.

"Yeah. Ichirou brought it over for Zumo. He thought Zumo might want it." Kotetsu turned back to Kenji. "We were wondering if you might want to go for a drive."

"Yeah. Is he okay?" He asked stepping back.

Kotetsu moved into the house. "He's� different. I don't know if I'd say 'okay' yet. The zombie-like thing he had going is gone. He woke up last night to find out I've been having nightmares again. Proceeded to try to beat himself up for it."

"Ugh." Kenji frowned. "Not his fault."

"That's what I told him, but�"

"Yeah. He's not going to listen." Kenji shook his head.

"Since then, he's been more� I dunno, aware?" Kotetsu sighed. "I don't know what to do with him. He kissed me. Then got mad at himself because he did. I feel like beating my head against the wall."

"Geez, yeah. I'd probably be the same." Kenji sighed. "Let me let Mom know where I'm going. Back in a bit."

"Okay." Kotetsu said, turning and watching Zumo through the door. He'd laid his head back against the seat. And even from there, Tetsu could see the wet cheeks.

He'd never felt so helpless in his life as he had over the last couple of months. Even when he'd been a kid and at his mother's and her boyfriend's mercies, he hadn't felt like that. Zumo had been hurting and he couldn't do a damned thing. He couldn't bring him out of it, couldn't help� just couldn't.

The few times he'd been away from him outside of their separate classes, he'd ended up letting some of his frustrations out on a wall. There was a nice new patch of drywall and spackle in the living room. Or he'd done some sparring with Kenji, allowing the other to let his frustrations out, too. But it didn't help much, it was really only a stopgap at best.

The worst part of it all was that he understood that there really wasn't much of anything he could do. He and Kenji had lost Hayate, too, but it was nothing like what his best friend was going through. He hadn't loved Hayate. And as close as Kenji and Hayate had been, it wasn't nearly the same. So neither of them could quite understand.

And, of course, neither could do anything.

Kotetsu sighed and turned when he heard Kenji behind him. "Let's see if we can get his mind on something else. We need to find some place he didn't go with Hayate."

"I might know of a place. Kind of on the other side of town but�" he trailed off and shrugged a shoulder.

"It's worth a try." Kotetsu said. "Let's go."

When they got to the car, Izumo got out to let Kenji in the back seat. Kenji stopped and hugged him. "Good to see you," the taller man said.

Izumo nodded, understanding what he meant. "Thanks. It's good to see you, too." He tried a watery smile on, but it didn't want to stay put. He took a deep breath and the second attempt was marginally more successful.

Kenji returned it before climbing into the Jeep. Once they were settled, Kenji and Kotetsu filled the silence with talk of teachers and other students and movies, for which Izumo was grateful. He'd avoided the radio for the last couple of months and knew he wasn't quite ready to try that yet. There were just way too many songs that would hurt.

It wasn't until they'd dropped Kenji off and were on their way home that Izumo registered how much he'd managed to let go of for the day. They'd drawn him into the discussions, plied him with hamburgers and ice cream and dragged him to an inane comedy where he'd proceeded to actually laugh. And then they'd made plans for the next day to do homework together and watch movies again.

It was almost normal.

And it hurt.

When it sank in just how much he'd forgotten over the course of the day, he wanted to scream. At himself, at them - it didn't matter. It was irrational, he knew that. And he'd managed to repress the urge to actually do anything with the emotions. But he was mad and he wanted to lash out with it.

How could he forget him? How could he have stopped thinking about Hayate? Even for a few minutes, much less most of the day?

The rational part of his brain spoke up that he was supposed to. That he couldn't keep holding on to it forever. That he had to go out and lead a normal life.

He didn't want to listen to the rational side of his brain. He'd done a lot in just twenty-four hours, but he wasn't ready for all of that, yet. He wasn't ready to try to be normal.

So, he was subdued when they got home. Tetsu had apparently recognized the shift in mood and was giving him space, for which he was grateful. They changed into their pajamas without speaking and crawled onto their bed, again in silence.

But even with a full day and yet more emotional rollercoaster riding, he wasn't ready to sleep. He couldn't quite drift off.

He lay closer to Kotetsu that night. There wasn't nearly the same amount of space between them as there had been before, but he couldn't just let go of the idea that he shouldn't be too close to someone else, even if it was his best friend.

Oh, but he needed Tetsu. And that told him just how much of a ball of confusion and emotion that he was and that took him right back to having trouble breathing. There was just too much time now, too much quiet. While they'd been out, they'd distracted him, but now� Now, he was thinking, thinking too much and it was making him insane.

He wanted to roll over and beg his friend to fuck him into the mattress and make him forget again. Or kiss him until all thought was completely obliterated. Or suck his cock until he could think of nothing but physical sensation.

And he knew Tetsu would do it. In a fucking heartbeat.

So he didn't. He didn't do any of those things because the mere thought of that only made the hole in his chest want to open wider. He wasn't supposed to want that stuff with someone else. Regardless of his reasons why.

He felt the hand on his hip and he realized he'd been making those sounds again. The same kind of noises he'd been making the night before. Tetsu's arm came around his waist and gently pulled him back until they were tight against each other.

Something snapped in him and Izumo flipped over and fought. His hands slapped, then balled into fists and punched. Punched at anything he could reach. Chest, shoulder, arm. He managed to miss Tetsu's head, but just barely. And, of course, Tetsu didn't move. "No! No, goddammit! I shouldn't! It's not right! I belong to him! Oh fuck�" This last came out sounding as broken as he felt and the fists stopped.

"I'm sorry." Those two quiet words out of Tetsu's mouth undid him completely and he let go again. He let it out, let the tears fall, let the choked sounds escape. He vaguely heard the keening sound, and he curled in on himself more.

And Tetsu's arms tightened. "So sorry, Zumo." Izumo heard those soft sounds, the crooning. He felt the gentle touches on his shoulder, the back rub, the fingers in his hair.

And all he could think was that he wanted it to be Hayate.

Another sound, even sharper came out and he finally slapped a hand over his mouth. He didn't want to hear them anymore, didn't want to let them out. Didn't want to make them, but he couldn't stop.

Hands brushed at the wetness on his face, lips dropped a light dusting of kisses on his brow and temple. Arms tightened around him even more. And a voice - the only voice besides Hayate's in the world that could calm him, that could soothe him, was making the exact sounds he needed to hear.

One part of his brain screamed at him to not be soothed, not be calmed. That he was supposed to cry and rail and scream. He should be angry, he should be hurt. He should fight it all.

But it finally was catching up to him. The day, the roller coaster, the emotional storm. No. He didn't want to sleep, didn't want to dream, didn't want to�

He just didn't.

But he didn't have a choice and somewhere in his confused internal rambling, he slipped under.
- 12
- 13
- 14
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Firsts	By : djserani Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1305 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto! I make no money off of this!

Firsts