The Scheme

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

Scheme – chapter 13

Sakura could not believe that she was late for their first mission as a united team. Since Jiraiya-sama’s impromptu delay, she had to struggle to find a mission where her team would be dispatched coinciding with the release of the new Icha Icha Violence series. Although Kakashi-sensei had an apoplectic fit when the Hokage instructed them on the timing of this mission, Sakura had to prepare her beloved, perverted sensei to tackle the inevitable shock of his life in an atmosphere she could control. Furthermore, she warned the ero-sennin to disappear for awhile for the catastrophic outcome to subside. With her own pristine reputation at stake and the popularity of the porn in this village, she resorted to hide as well.

Sakura’s main objective was for team seven to depart for an assignment together in another country. In a time of tentative “declared peace” between the hidden villages and her station as the head surgeon in the hospital, the mission had to be important enough for her to leave the village and join her teammates. Since beggars can’t be choosers, she settled on the only mission available that fit her criteria.

She argued for her cause like a convincing orator. Certainly her team’s evident priority to repair internal conflicts, Sasuke-kun’s re-entrance, the team’s high status as the elite jounin squad, and a chance for Naruto to gain knowledge of diplomacy and politics as a future Hokage would overshadow the stealth and understated craftiness required to succeed in the task. The members’ striking uniqueness and Naruto’s inherent loudness were not conducive for the necessary undercover work. However, the overworked Hokage, while slightly intoxicated – okay, very intoxicated – signed the papers after Sakura persistently and masterfully pushed and pleaded for the opportunity with many bottles of sake.

The mission as outlined by Kakashi-sensei, acting as leader, would be to retrieve an inconspicuous woman from the south east village in the Fire Country who carried with her three scrolls that were smuggled out of the Hidden Village of Sound after Orochimaru’s fall. They would take the train to the borders of Sand Country, and from there, they would dress like civilians and covertly take another train to the northern edges of Rock Country to deliver the scrolls to a rebellion faction opposing the established government supported by the ninjas in the Hidden Village of Rock. It was imperative that their presence go unnoticed so they would board the train in separate cars under disguises because as a group, they tended to be noisy, noticeable, and violent.

Sakura hauled her heavy bags stuffed with ninja gear, civilian clothing, medical supplies, camping gear, cooking utensils, food and other necessities women required and made her way to the rendezvous point at the outer gate.

“Sakura-chan!” gleefully shouted Naruto.

“I thought I was late,” she gasped dropping her baggage on the ground to rest.

“Ugly, you know Kakashi-san will always be the last one to arrive,” offered Sai leaning against a tree away from the group.

“No one asked you,” Sasuke stated in a low dangerous tone while glaring at the other dark haired man.

“Yeah bastard!” righteously accused Naruto.

Sakura rolled her eyes and wondered if her planning would make her hair fall out. Oh, her beautiful, bountiful hair! Why was she so conveniently the mediator? Obviously, her lazy sensei would not take sides, so she had to deal with the foreseeable clashes of the hard headed males. The battle of “who has the bigger penis” was at hand.

“So the dickless wonder will finally have some support by the traitor. At least his arguments contain a modicum of logic,” mocked Sai, his blank smile adding to the conflict.

“Are you calling me stupid, you bastard?!” bellowed Naruto, his whiskers twitching for a fight.

“Naruto,” hissed Sakura dangerously, her temper rising.

“Brainless, dickless, and senseless. I can list a thousand more,” ridiculed Sai with his inane smile in place.

“Sai,” Sakura warned, her temper escalating even further.

“I will kill you,” said Sasuke seriously, his bangs dropping down to cover his eyes.

“Sasuke-kun.” Inner Sakura was emerging from her mind to the real world.

“So your boyfriend wants a piece of the action dickless wonder. Unfortunately, he’s ball-less so –“

A loud explosion with rocks and pieces of ground being thrown in every direction caused the boys to be uplifted from their feet and tossed a few meters from where they stood.

“Oww~~. Sakura-chan….,” whined Naruto as he rubbed his head.

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” screamed Sakura at the top of her lungs, fire virtually rising from her hair and pupils dangerously constricted.

“She’s scary,” whispered Naruto.

“Hn,” agreed Sasuke unable to remove his eyes from the hellcat standing in the middle of a large crater that separated them.

“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING MORE!!” she casted both Naruto and Sasuke the glare of death and unending suffering causing them both to immediately shut their mouths tightly. “OR ELSE ALL OF YOU WILL BE LIVING YOUR LIFE WITH PERMANENT CASTRATIONS.” She then looked meaningfully at Sai who swallowed hard. She lifted a sharp scalpel in the air and ended her tirade with a low menacing edge. “I will NOT hesitate to cut off your balls when you least expect it and stuff them in your mouths. I had enough.”

The three men shuddered in unison from fright and gathered their bags in absolute and silent obedience.

A puff of smoke appeared with Kakashi-sensei lazily making his entrance, a bag strapped to his back.

“Yo. Sorry I’m late but……er….” He swiveled his head around to notice the three best shinobis in the village quivering like admonished school children with his female student wiping her hands and appearing satisfied. Amused, Kakashi placed a hand at the back of his neck. “Did I miss something entertaining?”

“Ka-“ Naruto began before clamping his mouth shut when Sakura whipped her head to his direction with narrowed eyes.

“I don’t want to hear it sensei. I don’t care if you misplaced your bag, clothes, brain, head, penis, or anything for that matter on the road of life. I don’t give a crap. Now let’s go. We’re late. We have a mission to accomplish,” she firmly scolded snatching her monstrous baggage as if it weighed a feature and stomped away in anger.

Kakashi-sensei’s visible eyebrow shot up in surprise. Whatever happened was definitely amusing, and he missed everything. Truly, he regretted being late today.

“I think she has PMS,” Sai whispered.

Naruto, for once, agreed with his detested teammate and nodded.

As the male members of the team trailed after the fuming female, Sasuke had his gaze fixed on her back out of curiosity and respect.

That night, they unpacked for camp without any further incidence. Sakura’s rage seemed to have achieved the impossible, and they all walked on pins and needles to prevent attracting any attention of her ire. Even Sasuke, the man who could do no wrong, was not excused from her serious threat. Really, she meant every word, and they knew it.

Around the camp sight, each member situated themselves comfortably. Sai sketched while resting his back against a fallen tree limb, Sakura stirred the curry in the pot cooking over the fire, Kakashi, as always, read from his book which he must have memorized by now, Sasuke sharpened his weapons, and Naruto grumbled about his hunger much to Sakura’s annoyance. Sakura internally griped about how she ended being this bunch of misfits’ hen mother, baby sitter, and cook and about the injustice of women being more competent than men in the matters of survival skills. She neglected to witness Sai glancing at her profile frequently which gained the Uchiha’s attention. Like children, their eyes locked only to look away when she moved and to resume when it was safe for them to continue.

“Sakura-chan, why can’t we have ramen?” complained Naruto whose stomach was audibly growling. “It would have been faster just to boil water.”

“Shut up Naruto. If you lived these past years on ramen alone, which you would have done, you wouldn’t have gotten so tall, moron. I’m the one providing you nutrients.”

“Don’t nag Naruto. Some of us appreciate her cooking,” interrupted Kakashi lowering his book down.

“Cuz you’re too lazy to cook for yourself sensei,” Sakura muttered as she began to ladle the sauce on top of the rice. “Here you go.” She handed each their own generous helping, her anger slightly lessening when the men thanked her in their individual ways: Kakashi grinned, Naruto cheered, Sai criticized, and Sasuke grunted.

The large pot of curry was completely gone after each of the hungry men took seconds, and in Naruto’s case, fifth helpings.

“Man I’m stuffed! That was great Sakura-chan,” cheerfully said Naruto rubbing his packed belly.

“You should be fat ass. You swallowed everything up because you were too brainless to chew,” Sai snidely commented.

“Zip it,” advised Sakura which made Sai smile vacantly at her before rising to his knees to collect the dirty dishes. “What are you doing Sai?”

“Are you blind, ugly? I’m going to clean them by the river.”

“Oh. Thank you,” uttered a surprised Sakura who fully expected to be resigned as their dishwasher as well.

“I’ll do it,” Sasuke declared out of the blue. The Uchiha grabbed Naruto’s dish and began to stack them neatly.

Both Sai and Sasuke reached for Sakura’s plate, each seizing at opposite ends. They tugged back and forth and glared fiercely at one another.

“Let go,” Sasuke warned.

“No. You let go, traitor,” came Sai’s retort.

The hate between these two men became palpable to anyone. Sakura could not understand why these men loathed each other with such passion. Sai detested Naruto, but the level of abhorrence against Sasuke was immeasurable. Granted Sai viewed Sasuke as a traitor, but that could not explain Sai’s growing hatred recently. Sasuke-kun too disliked Sai but mostly ignored him because he always considered Sai irritating like an unwanted bug. But now, Sasuke overtly expressed his aversion and actually instigated fights. Maybe jealousy could account for Sasuke’s reactions, but Sai? From her past experiences, she never found Sai to be truly sadistic and evil, certainly irritating and misguided, but never whole heartedly spiteful.

And the fact that their fight exploded over who would be doing the dishes, did not that transcend regular skirmishes into an unreasonable and full out battle? She certainly felt fine, but why were these men acting so crazy over some stupid plates and utensils?

The pressure each inflicted caused the pottery to crack under their fingers and then the dish split in half.

“YOU IDIOTS!” Sakura cried.

“I think it’s a good time to give details about our mission and the history and political tension between Rock Country and Fire Country. Since you were already informed, why don’t you go and finish the dishes Sakura?” interjected Kakashi-sensei donning on his sensei hat.

Both men abruptly turned away from each other and jerked when a fuming Sakura roughly confiscated the dishes out of their hands, her anger blinding her from distinguishing who was who.

While taking her annoyance out on the poor dishes as she squatted near the river, she heard rustling of leaves nearby. Without delay, she hurled a kunai at the direction, not at the target per se but near it, to forewarn the intruder. She quickly jumped on a branch of a tree and allowed her clone to receive the visitor.

Sasuke emerged from the shadows with the kunai gripped between his pointer and middle fingers.

Sakura’s clone vanished, and her original form elegantly hopped back down. “Sasuke-kun. What are you doing here?”

Without any greeting or acknowledgement, he went over to her abandoned dishes and started to rinse them in the cold river water.

She could guess to his motivation for demeaning himself to do something as frivolous as the dishes without any manipulation whatsoever on her part. “Um, Sasuke-kun?”

He glared at her before resuming the chore, dexterously soaping and dunking like clockwork. He acted as if he was combating the plates. Yup, he fell off the deep end today. But it all made sense in some convoluted way. He claimed to do the dishes in challenge to Sai’s prior request, and as the obstinate man he was, he came to complete his deed and conquer his opponent with acts of domesticity.

When this revelation finally ticked in Sakura’s mind, she could not help but giggle out loud. She concealed her chuckling with some coughs because Sasuke paused when hearing her mirth.

“Sorry, something got caught in my throat.”

“Hn” he said, the familiar “whatever” one.

Sakura weighed the pros and cons of insisting that she take over. Old Sakura would have certainly pleaded to do so because old Sakura would jump over a cliff for this man. However, when she thought about it, she never liked washing the dishes. Furthermore, she stripped the “Sasuke-kun I love you, and I will always bother you” nonsense for a period of time that it no longer became a habit for her. Most importantly, she had ample view of his nice shinobi ass which was pointed out by inner Sakura. The last argument definitely carried the most merit.

She probably got dazed from her fill of his luscious ass, because she barely noticed him standing up with the clean dishware piled on his hands.

“Go to bed Sakura,” he commanded as he began walking away.

“I think I should,” she responded dreamily. She could imagine visions of Sasuke’s sculpted derriere while she slept.

They both entered the campsite together. Naruto loudly accused them of doing something inappropriate which triggered Sai to abruptly stand up and leave the campsite in the direction she and Sasuke came from. Sai, intentionally or not, collided shoulders with Sasuke as he strode past.

Sakura detected nothing because she was embarrassed by Naruto’s comment. “We did nothing you idiot! Stop acting like a hentai you dumbass!” She pounded her feet against Naruto’s head hoping to forcefully beat the perverted-ness out of him. The world did not need another pervert in the making.

“Dobe.”

That night when she was inside her tent ready to sleep, she perceived Sasuke’s outline against the canvas wall. It had to be him because he never changed his electric shocking hairdo. Stealthily and silently, he came over to the entrance of her tent. Her heart was beating furiously; her inner selves were all frantic. Did he mean to enter and ravage her? Her breathing quickened and suddenly stopped when he was at the tent’s closed opening.

Suddenly, her eyebrows quirked up, and her lips twisted in puzzlement. Sasuke was kneeling and appeared to be pulling straps and such with his fingers over and over again. Then he quickly disappeared from her sight. Disappointed, she rushed to stick her head out but found the tent to be shut securely.

“What the hell?” murmured Sakura feeling all the knots that closed the entrance to be re-knotted in ways no one can enter or leave unless she ripped open the material.

Her brain ran a marathon in record time and a light sparked inside her mind. ‘Sasuke-kun is jealous!’ hollered inner Sakura fisting her hand in the air in success. The outer self muffled her squeals of joy in her blanket. He had to be jealous. There was no other explanation. He was attempting to prevent Sai from “visiting” her tent or some ridiculous notion like that. She was wiggling her butt in a happy dance for what seemed like hours because she became too excited to sleep until she discerned another outline nearing her tent. This one proved to be the same height and build as Sasuke-kun, but the hair was more subdued and tamed.

‘Sai,’ her brain produced after registering the familiar shapes and contours of his face and body. What would he be doing here?

As quietly and slyly as Sasuke-kun had done before, Sai approached the opening and stopped a few feet away. Sakura thoughtfully watched him face her tent for thirty minutes, standing rigid without any further movement, before he too departed.

The only rationale Sakura could come up with was that Sai’s mental stability was slowly degenerating. Maybe all that smiling affected his brain to transform into mush. She just could not comprehend Sai’s strange behavior yet again.

The next day, they journeyed onward down south without another mishap. She easily opened the tent that morning to prepare breakfast because Sasuke-kun probably undid the knots before she rose or so she hoped.

The one annoyance she experienced came from Sai, not from his jerk-ish, diarrhea mouth but from his odd mannerisms that were extended from yesterday. He was strangely quiet and could not be riled up to engage in his favorite activity – to insult Naruto until the blonde’s face turned red then blue. The only action from him, reminiscent of the old Sai, was when he suddenly lifted her heavy baggage muttering, “Don’t want you to get even uglier with a hunchback.” This caused Sasuke to slow his movements until he walked next to her, and Sai to accelerate ahead of them with her bags.

This continued through the night at another campsite, but Sakura was too preoccupied with Sasuke’s jealousy to notice anything else.

“Kakashi-sensei, why can’t we stop by an inn?” whined Naruto.

“This is the fastest route to the village,” Kakashi replied, eyes never wavering off from his favorite book.

“I didn’t know we had such a short time limit to this mission,” Naruto countered obviously irked.

Kakashi did not bother to respond, but Sakura knew better. Good, old, predictable sensei. That man would get off his lazy ass if his access to his porn was at stake, and he would not hesitate for them all to suffer along with him.

“Naruto, I think it’s getting cold tonight. You have a thicker blanket than the one you brought, right?” Sakura inquired.

The blonde pouted and shook his head.

Sakura sighed and rummaged through her colossal bag for this very occasion. “I thought so. Here, I packed you another blanket.”

Sporting a wide grin, the blonde happily accepted. “Thanks Sakura-chan.”

“You are such a child Naruto,” she said warmly. Watching Sasuke from the corner of her eyes, she added, “I wonder what I’ll do if I end up having a boy like you,”

“You’ll make a good mother. You’re the only one that makes me eat my vegetables,” Naruto laughed goofily before turning serious. “If it’s any consolation to you, you are possibly the closest thing I ever had to a mother.”

“Thanks Naruto. That means a lot.” She was genuinely touched until Naruto ruined the moment.

“I mean who else is going to come over and demand that I clean or else you’ll bury me with the empty ramen cups. Or what about the time when I teared just a little bit because my bone was broken. You yelled at me to stop being a pussy and broke my bone in four more places before you healed me …….” The blonde ranted.

“That’s enough Naruto,” Sakura gritted through clenched teeth. When Sasuke gave her questioning looks, the irritated female hurled a big rock at the blonde’s head rendering him unconscious.

“Peace and quiet at last,” murmured Sai while he resumed doodling on a piece of paper.

Kakashi agreed by grinning, his eye curled happily.

“I’m going to bed,” Sakura announced, being fed up with everything again especially at Naruto who ruined her chance with Sasuke. That baka.

Early the next morning, they arrived in the village worn from their travels. ‘Stupid Kakashi-sensei’ blamed inner Sakura.

Instead of the woman they were supposed to meet, a man in his mid thirties with grayish hair introduced himself as their client. They boarded the train from the closest railroad stop and sat together in seats that faced one another to quietly discuss the mission.

“I’m sorry that my wife couldn’t be here. It’s her family we were supposed to meet but we found out that she’s pregnant just recently. I couldn’t take the chance for her to go along with this,” said the man.

“We understand, Hiruma-san. We’ll make do. We just have to alter our plans slightly,” consoled Kakashi.

Naruto, as always, vocalized everyone’s worry. “Hey Kakashi-sensei, I thought when we separated, it would be Sakura who would stay with the client. We can’t allow Sakura to stay with that man!”

Sakura blushed uncomfortably, and the client cringed apologetically.

“Naruto, as ninjas, we must be prepared for everything. Succeeding in our mission is our main objective. You’re right about Sakura though. It would look conspicuous for her to travel with him. I’ll switch places with her because I can pass as his brother.”

“Yeah right. You look too weird to be anyone’s brother,” mumbled Naruto. A tense silence settled between all the members. He was the last one to interpret Sakura’s blush deepening and Sasuke furiously glaring at Sai who smiled back blankly. “So….” The blonde tapped his finger against his head. “Ah! That means Sakura has to be with Sai!” Naruto turned angrily to Kakashi. “That’s not going to work. Why does Sakura have to be with that bastard?!”

Their sensei sighed and wondered how Naruto will ever be Hokage with him being such a knucklehead. “Our job is to carry the scrolls successfully without detection. Protecting the client is second. Sorry Hiruma-san.”

“No problem.”

Kakashi continued, “This assignment can easily be done by chunnins but the importance of the scrolls and the devastating effects that would result if Rock ninjas ever got word made this a high A-ranked mission. We can not foul this up or the strangled political ties with Leaf and Rock will be severed. Sakura is the only one who can sit still with Sai without initiating a fight.”

‘That’s what you think sensei,’ thought Sakura glancing over at Sai.

“Right now, we must put our differences aside and work together as a team. Is that understood?”

The jounin members nodded at their team leader. Although they clashed in the past, present and probably the future, they were professionals and vowed to protect their village with their lives.

“So under what pretext will Sakura and the bastard use?” Sasuke demanded.

Kakashi grinned and pulled out his book. “Given their ages, I think a newlywed couple would be fitting.”

Everyone except the client voiced their opinions against this farfetched idea.

“No one would believe that Sakura-chan will ever marry that bastard!” claimed Naruto.

“It won’t work,” Sasuke affirmed.

“She’s too ugly for me,” remarked Sai.

“I’m sure there is another way Kakashi-sensei….. And who are you calling ugly, you homo?”

Kakashi-sensei successfully ignored the shouting being flung back and forth.

“Sakura-chan is not ugly. Tell him Sasuke!”

“Shut up dobe.”

“You have no taste because you prefer each other. Dickless and ball-less. What a perfect pair.”

“They are not gay, you moron. You are the one in the closet.”

“Yeah. Tell him Sakura-chan.”

“Shut up Naruto.”

“Put ugly in the pack, it’ll be dickless, ball-less, and breast-less. What an androgynous trio.”

“Sakura-chan has huge breasts. What are you talking about? Don’t you have eyes bastard? Tell him Sasuke.”

“Shut up dobe/Naruto!” came two voices.

“Excuse me, are they really jounins?” the client inquired worriedly.

“The very best we got,” mused Kakashi aloud. “They’re amusing, aren’t they?”

The client chuckled lightly. “I guess…..”

The argument continued for the rest of the way to Sand Country. It was a marvel that nothing was destroyed except a few egos.

At the train station, they were to meet under their civilian guises in a private room Gaara secured for them. And as usual, their delinquent sensei was late, yet again.

Sakura being the first one to arrive moaned her frustration noisily. She could not believe she went to all this trouble to go into hiding for a week. Sasuke-kun better be appreciative of her sacrifice and hump her like a rabbit after all this was completed.

Naruto and Sasuke entered the room, looking uneasy in their constricted clothing that limited their movements. Rather than function, the clothing were meant for fashion, enhancing their built bodies with its dark coloring and tailored stitching. They tamed their wild hairs and removed the hitai-ate bands from their foreheads. They could easily enter some beauty pageant for studly men. Well in their cases, they could definitely be the handsomest scholar apprentices in Rock Country.

Sakura could not help but gawk at Sasuke. That man would be considered beautiful in a potato sack, but with the new look, she could feel fangirl Sakura emerging. Thankfully, inner Sakura beat the crap out of fangirl Sakura with a stick, a very VERY big stick.

“You look great Sakura-chan!” exclaimed Naruto checking her out, up and down in a leering fashion.

She smoothed her scraggly hair until it gleamed in perfect waves around her face. Slight touches of makeup and one flattering dress later that covered her body more than her usual ninja gear, she completed her demure maiden outfit.

Sasuke stared at her earnestly that caused her cheeks to flush and her heart to palpitate.

“Oh….uhm… thanks,” she replied embarrassed. Maybe this mission wasn’t so bad after all…..

The awkward moment passed when Sai entered the room in well fitting slacks and shirt. He too appeared dignified and outrageously handsome. He brushed his hair back carefully and sculpted his tresses in a way that made him look like a movie star.

She was taken back by Sai’s appearance as well. She acknowledged his handsomeness before, but that passed as she spent more time in his odious company. Seeing him like this shocked her senses, and weirdly, her insides churned.

He regarded her intently, smile in place, but she could discern a slight tightening of his jaw as if he was fighting for control.

“I guess you will do,” he stated never taking his eyes off of her.

Sasuke immediately stepped between them and directed his glare at Sai. Another silent confrontation resulted thickening the air with testosterone.

Sakura stimulated her brain to quash the conflict and came up with a bright idea. She pulled out her makeup pack and approached Naruto with slinky strides.

“Sakura-chan, what are you doing?”

“Putting some powder on you. Don’t worry, you will not be the only one to receive this treatment.”

The dark haired males ceased their contest and turned to her perplexed by her statement.

Sakura clamped down on a struggling Naruto who was wailing loudly. “What?” she asked innocently. “Naruto, sit still or I’ll beat your ass into the ground. You all have these ugly tan lines on your foreheads. I have to put some powder on you to cover them, dumbass.”

“Oh, why didn’t you say so?”

“Brainless,” muttered Sai, and shockingly, Sasuke seemed to agree.

Her ingenious and masterful tactic worked…..for thirty minutes. That lazy bum of a sensei still failed to show up, and even the client was being a little antsy because Kakashi represented the team leader and the one who appeared to be the most responsible compared to the juvenile and violent bunch in front of him.

When arguments began, they were silenced by a grating noise from their female companion. Sakura stared at every exasperating male while she took her scalpel and sliced off a piece of wood from the wooden bench she sat on.

“Oops. Well at least it shows that this little thing can cut through this wood. I wonder what damage it can cause on your woods,” she announced with an evil smile.

They all – even the client – wore horrified expressions on their faces. They physically scooted away from her and crossed their legs in one uniform movement as they directed their attentions to the ceiling.

She continued the grating noises then ceased suddenly when she began to ponder about something.

“Hey. If Kakashi-sensei was to dress up as a civilian, that means he has to expose his face.”

The shinobis all perked their heads in interest, totally forgetting about their earlier fright.

“That’s right! Finally, we will see what’s behind the mask. I bet he has a fat lip,” gushed Naruto excitedly.

Kakashi’s mask was the most famous mystery in Konoha. For years, they plotted to see what was underneath his underneath, and each time, they had dismal failures. That dimwitted shinobi was always a step ahead.

“He has to take off his hitai-ate band and his mask to remotely resemble a civilian. He’s just too recognizable otherwise. In the bingo book, Kakashi-sensei aka Copy cat Kakashi aka master of a thousand jutsus is described as ……,” Sakura lectured in her teacher voice.

“I can’t wait!”

All four ninjas, overlooking their animosity, huddled together in front of the door for what seemed like ages as the client scratched his head in wonder.

The door dramatically swung open, and Kakashi grandly strode in. Four sets of eyes widened, and four mouths gasped.

“Yo.”

“GAH! That’s NOT fair!” screamed Naruto pointing at their sensei while the others had the metaphoric sweat drops fall from their head.

Kakashi-sensei bested them once again! He donned a knit cap that forced his gravity defying hair down into his face, more specifically down in front of his left eye to cover up his Sharingan eye. A scarf replaced his usual mask and tightly wrapped around his lower facial features for concealment. Other than that, he dressed similarly to Hiruma-san.

“Sorry I’m late, but I mistakenly wore a woman’s dress and when men started to flirt with me, I had to go back and change.”

“YOU LIAR!” Naruto and Sakura joined forces.

The client slapped his hand against his face and groaned. Surely, the mission would fail.

When they were about to split, Kakashi instructed Sasuke and Naruto to sit in the first car while Sai and Sakura sat in the last car. He and the client would position themselves in the middle car.

“Oh Sakura,” motioned her sensei.

“Yes?”

“Here,” he said and offered her two rings. “You need these.”

Sakura scowled but silently snatched the rings. Kakashi grinned then turned to lazily stroll to his compartment.

While seated next to Sai, she twisted the aforementioned ring around her finger. The notion of them being a married couple in love did not bother her that much strangely, but his presence and current oddness increased her agitation.

“You need to relax ugly. How is anyone going to believe that you’re my wife if you contort your face like that. People will think that I’m blind,” Sai whispered as he surveyed the people and the interior of their car.

“Sai, something has been bothering me,” she started and then stopped because she could not tactfully approach this conversation with him.

“Just get it over with. It’s bad enough that I have to sit with you overnight and the next day, but in your psychotic state, I think I may have to kill you.”

“Asshole,” she hissed. “You are being a complete bastard recently. What the hell is wrong with you? You weren’t like this before until just recently.”

“I do recall there was a time when I didn’t give a shit about you or your ugly face.”

“There you go again. That was then and this is now. You’re my friend now, right?” she asked earnestly. She truly developed thick skin after chasing Sasuke for years, so she did what any girl would do to capture a man’s attention. She hugged his arm against her chest which caused him to go rigid. Her action served to complete two objectives: one, make him uncomfortable so he would just do what she asked, and two, he was prevented from escaping.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m asking if you consider me your friend,” she demanded, the latch on his arm tightening. “I’m really serious Sai. You Hurt Me.” She emphasized every word and poked him in the chest with her other hand. For good measure, inflicted pain coursed through his caged limb.

He turned his head away and mumbled something under his breath that Sakura could not hear.

“Sai –“

“I’m not the traitor,” he said listlessly.

Sakura paused for a minute to allow his words to absorb. She could not figure out why he would say something about Sasuke, although a quiet voice nagged her at the back of her mind. She disregarded the seed of doubt and resorted to believing his actions stemmed from idiocy and nothing more.

“Of course you’re not him. And don’t call him that. Why would you bring him up? I like you for yourself with your dirty vocabulary, obnoxious humor, and vicious insults.”

When he stayed silent, Sakura attempted to quell any beast lurking behind his mask with her sweet compliments. “Don’t be such a hardass. Are you turning into some sensitive prissy boy? You are such a bastard. But you’re my bastard at least, and you are the only one I know who has seen this side of me and believed this to be genuine. I like the fact that I don’t have to hide anything from you, so I entrust you do the same thing from me.” She confessed as logically as she could on why he lurked inside her head when he wasn’t present and why her heart weighed heavily when he treated her badly.

He faced her, his usual smile in place but a glimmer of her friend Sai shone through. “Yes.”

“Yes to –“

“I consider you my friend. Now can you just shut up? You’re not only an eyesore but your screeching voice makes me want to become deaf.” His tone of voice recovered some of the lightness it lost these past weeks. His black eyes glittered like obsidian.

“I’m so glad anata,” Sakura teased with heavy sarcasm. She leaned into him and began to flutter her eyelashes in exaggeration. “This humble obedient wife is so pleased by your recovery.”

“Is that the look you make when you turn people into stone?” he asked in a dead pan voice.

“Would you like to find out?”

“And be another handsome face mounted on your trophy case? I’ll pass.”

She giggled because she felt light and joyful. Her brain and her inner self were lost as to the reasons for the unexpected swirling of happy emotions inside of her. Without thinking of her actions, her instincts took over, and she embraced him, tightly wrapping her arms around his torso.

He stiffened again, and this time she did too. Quickly, she untangled her limbs, her eyes paying rapt attention to the mundane mountainous scene outside the window and Inner Sakura shrieking, ‘What the fuck was that??!!’ Brain cells stimulated to find a proper witty comeback to deftly conceal her mishap did nothing but come up with a big fat zero.

It was probably a few minutes of the same scenes and the continuous rattling sound of the train when Sai broke the awkward silence.

“Now I have to take three baths to get your germs off me.”

She sighed happily because now, the incident can pass without further acknowledgment. Head turned to face that smiling bastard, she pretended to be affronted. “Whatever. I think it’s a proper change from all the male love you seem to relish in. Oh and I think Kiba bathes like once a week with Akamura. Bestiality is the new kink for you?” She winked slyly and added a nudge on the side.

“Your summoning animal is the slug. You have an affinity to slimy, crawling phallic symbols. I think you’re worse.”

“You have such lewd imaginations and even lower morals. No wonder you come to me because no girl would have you.”

“Well I’m sure that you will be happy to know ugly that since I’ve been in your violent company, many women have sympathized with me. My fan club has tripled in size. And no, you still can’t be a member. Not attractive enough.”

Sakura haughtily flipped her hair and stuck her nose in the air. “Like I care. Soon enough my fan club will be bigger than anyone’s combined.”

Intrigued, he tilted his head and placed his hand on top of hers inadvertently. Their gold rings twinkled in unison when the metals touched.

“So who did you bribe this time?”

“No one,” she said in a sing song voice but inner Sakura belted out a laugh. ‘Soon, I’ll have every perverted shinobi under my control!!’

“Liar.”

She scooted closer to Sai for a dramatic statement until their faces were inches away and their breaths caressed the other’s skin. “I don’t lie. I ex-ag-ger-ate.”

With the edge of his lip twitching and black bejeweled orbs sparkling, he followed the movements of her mouth and licked his drying lips. “Say that again,” he murmured in a husky tone.

She was mesmerized by his pink tongue poking through his sculpted …..and desirable lips. In a trance, she repeated. “Ex-ag-ger-ate.”

“Nice word,” he whispered as he neared her.

When their mouths were about to join a loud noise froze their hormones, and they parted as if the other carried some contagious disease.

“Oh I’m sorry dear to interfere, but this seat is not taken?” asked an elderly woman who sat in the open seat opposite them before they could give their permission. Her husband was having trouble lifting a heavy sac into the overhead compartment.

“Help him,” Sakura hissed, while inside her head, a chant began to ring filled with rapid hallucinating voices of ‘ohmygodohmygodohmygod’ until it became a continuous stream of ‘ohmid.’ Her chest thumped madly or would that be Inner Sakura stamping her foot madly while screaming ‘You can’t fall for the bait you dumbass! We had a plan! This isn’t it!’ Little Sakura wailed, ‘NOOOOOOO!!!!!’ Many other voices agreed with little Sakura. One inner self vulgarly suggested that she should ‘just do him and get it over with. It would be good practice for Sasuke later on.’ One small voice barely penetrated through the mish mash racket with ‘you should have kissed him.’ In totality of the circumstances, Sakura was relieved from making such a gigantic mistake.

“Dearie, are you okay?”

She shook her head and automatically slipped on her bright Sakura smile. “Of course I’m fine.”

“Oh good. I was concerned there for a second. I’m so sorry to intrude when you were about to be intimate with your husband. My, he’s a handsome devil.”

Sakura giggled awkwardly and looked around anywhere but the kind and deceived lady to see Sai hoisting the old man’s bag with ease. He settled down next to her and smiled pleasantly at the elderly couple.

“My name is Sango and my husband’s name is Miroku.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Sango-san and Miroku-san. I’m Sakura and this is Sai.”

The old woman clasped hands with her husband. “Aren’t they the cutest couple Miroku? They remind me of us when we were young. Look how attractive they are. She’s so delicate and pretty, and he’s handsome and strong. Just perfect like in the romance stories.”

Great, another old loudmouth Sakura had to contend with for the duration of the trip.

“So how long have you been married?” the nosey woman asked while her silent husband paid no attention, probably after being trained for so many years.

“Six/nine months,” they spoke together. Crap!

Sakura discretely leaned intimately against his side to conceal the pinch she inflicted so he would get the clue and let her take care of the rest. When it came to manipulation, she was the queen.

She gazed adoringly at Sai while her other hand gently yet firmly pressed against his cheek so he would turn to face her to give an impression of their all encompassing love.

“Love, I know that you count our marriage from the day you proposed, but I think our marriage started when we gave our vows of love, commitment, and adoration.” To top the illusory sweet sundae with an equally, sickeningly, sugary cheery, Sakura pecked Sai’s cheek and placed her head against his chest. She smugly waited for the old woman’s reaction who did not fail to respond correctly. Knowing Sai, he would continue to wear his convincing smiling mask to show his contentment.

“Such love,” cooed Sango-san hugging her grunting husband. “I’m so happy for you. Now what do you do?”

Before Sakura could provide another appropriate answer, Sai beat her to the punch line. “I’m an artist, and she’s a nurse.”

Sakura was impressed by his ability to improv, and he handled it just as well as she would do. The best way to convince others of untruths was to mix truths and lies together.

“So you must use your beautiful wife as your model.”

“Yes,” he replied without any hesitation to make it believable. Even Sakura bought into his story. He was that good.

They and the old couple conversed until it came time to sleep in their uncomfortable seats. They exchanged stories, contrived on their part, to win over the batty woman and her indifferent husband. Sai and Sakura played their parts masterfully by exchanging small gestures of affections and sitting intimately close, their hands joined, and sometimes with her head resting on his shoulder and his arm secured around her.

In some odd peculiar way, Sakura enjoyed the game immensely. Her insides would warm up when Sai patted her arm or gingerly kissed her collarbone. With Sasuke-kun, she expected none of this public display of affections. That man would swallow his own tongue before he would compliment her outright. Yet Sasuke had his own moments when he truly reached out and touched her heart, and she wondered if Sai was pretending or being truthful. Somehow she wished this was real but who was she kidding. Sai did not utter one “ugly” or some other asinine remark since the elderly couple arrived. Besides, she was probably sexually frustrated. One quickie with Sasuke would fix that all up.

She yawned politely and saw the woman snoring peacefully against her husband. The woman may be flighty and the man was something akin to a stone, but they did make a cute couple joined by the many years of experiences they shared. She envied them and hoped that one day, she and Sasuke-kun would be just as devoted to each other as they were.

Sai lifted up the other seat divider on his left and sat down on the seat closest to the aisle.

“Sakura, get some sleep. You look tired.”

She looked at him bewildered for a second until he motioned for her to lie down and rest her head on his lap.

“Sai.”

“Just go to sleep,” he stated a he tilted his chair back and stretched out his long legs.

“Thanks anata.” She sprawled out on the other chairs and laid her head on top of his muscular thigh.

“You’re welcome koibito,” he said as he gently moved some hair from her shut eyes.

Sai fidgeted in the uncomfortable chair for an hour before he was roused from his light slumber. He absent mindedly stroked Sakura’s hair as she slept and felt his attention pulled to the elderly man performing the same action with his wife.

“I see that you care for her a lot. Whatever you do, don’t let her go,” said the man looking intently at Sai. This was the first time in hours he opened his mouth.

Sai gazed down at Sakura, tenderly fingering the outlines of her porcelain features. He dropped his mask and smiled genuinely to offer his gratitude.

Down a couple cars later, Kakashi and Hiruma quietly chatted about the uses of the scrolls, recent gossip spreading through Leaf Country, and other friendly topics.

“Your female ninja…” Hiruma commented.

“You mean Sakura?”

“Yes. She’s quite intimidating.”

Kakashi chuckled. “That she is. And she is the smartest kunoichi in Konoha.”

“I have no doubt.”

“I missed all the good parts. What happened?”

Traveling down a few more cars, Naruto and Sasuke sat tiredly after fending off some girls without resorting to any name calling or violence.

“I don’t know how you do it, but it gets tiring.”

“Hn,” agreed Sasuke, his eyes watching the darkness outside and his reflection on the window pane evident to anyone who cared to see.

“Why did you make me do all the work, you bastard? They were crazy.”

Sasuke remained silent and brooding as usual.

“I have enough women in my life. I hope Hinata-chan doesn’t get like that. Sakura-chan is another matter …er..” Naruto faltered when Sasuke shot him a glare before resuming his window inspection duties.

“You’ve been more grumpy than usual. What gives?”

“Nothing,” Sasuke replied darkly.

Naruto racked his brain for a few seconds. “Oh I see now.” The blonde switched from his goofy idiotic expression into something serious. “You shouldn’t worry about Sakura-chan. She’s been in love with you since when we were kids. She never gave up hope even when you defected. That bastard can’t come and steal her away. She’s too strong and loyal.”

Naruto sat back and hoped that what he said was true. The last thing they all needed was another wrench thrown into the mix already filled to the brim with past hardships. When finally things started to fall back into place, another obstacle stood in the way. Preoccupied with his concerns, Naruto failed to glimpse at the window which he would have discovered the smallest of smiles tug Sasuke’s lips.



A/N: As you can tell, Kakashi and Neji are my favorite characters. That is why they have such prominent roles in this story when they don’t need to be. Kakashi is just damn funny, and Neji looks like a total heartthrob as an adult. I contemplated on making this a Neji/Sakura/Sasuke triangle at first, but I chucked the idea because Sai would provide a better angle. I’m sure some readers are balking at my choice. Imagine the possibilities with Neji as the romantic prospect. Oh well. Now, he is just a good friend with a protective streak. Yes…. “Hate me. Detest me. Foolish little reader…..” hahaha j/k =P. I find Itachi’s over dramatized words to be hilarious.

I just want to say that I’m writing this fanfiction with one underlying objective in mind. I began this little tale to do case studies about the Naruto characters. They seem interesting. So I hope you read this story for the character interactions rather than the romantic aspects of the story. That was my intent, and I’m sticking to it.

Thanks for the reviews everyone! =) I especially love the reviews where you guys pinpoint what you like or don’t like about the chapter. It’s really helpful. I’m also sorry for the slight delay. As you can see that this chapter is much longer than my previous ones …….and I ran out of liquor.

Reason I’m updating so fast? Sai’s real character may be completely different than what I made him out to be. So I have to finish this ASAP so it doesn’t read like a bad AU. I’m going to have to rip through this and complete the rest like my ass is on fire.

Sango and Miroku? Well, I ran out of names. Spare me. So I borrowed them from Inuyasha. It doesn’t mean I borrowed their personalities as well.