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Naruto Shit-On-You-Then: The Curse Evolves	By : c0p13r Category: Naruto > General Views: 33163 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Naruto' and I make no money off this fic

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Narutards Unite!!
~~~
            “Shikamaru… let’s go…”
            Nothing…
            “Let’s go, Shikamaru…!”
            Still nothing.
            “Shikamaru… Shikamaru~!!” Ino bawls her balls out as she weeps over her fallen friend, for no matter how many times she touches his back and says ‘Let’s go’, he doesn’t move. “You can’t die! If you die…! Sniff-sniff! I’ll become a common housewife/mother of the ‘NARUTO’verse to a sexually-ambiguous child! Please! Hell couldn’t possibly be any worse than that!” She holds up a letter; on it is an acceptance to Shikamaru’s application to work at a Regal Edwards Cinema! “Why did you fill out an application for a job at Edwards if you thought you’d die?!”
            Sasuke, his cock reeling in like a fishing line, snorts at his former admirer. “So goddamn smart, but also so goddamn arrogant to think he’d get out of this alive. Grr… Grr! Growl! Now I need to find that butt-forked Naru-chan and fork his butt while he looks like a girl!”
            Just then, Tsunade appears, and by god, she looks ready to rumble. Her tits shrivel up to raisin-like proportions, donating their mass to her biceps and stuff. Basically, she looks like the Marvel NOW She-Hulk, but with more class. Huffing and puffing, Tsunade growls at her opponent. “Naruto has an ability to make you want to bet on him!”
            Sasuke is undaunted by her quote in ‘NARUTO’ itself. “I believe that’s a cop-out ability; a way for the writer to force friendship between the main character and his secondaries without having to put forth any effort of chemistry. A perfect example is Gaara wanting to suck Naruto’s cock after only speaking/threatening each other once.”
            “Shut up!” Tsunade charges Sasuke, smashing Ino’s skull underfoot, though Ino happily accepts this fate over fading into nothingness as an irrelevant mother. She’d seen what happened to Sakura and Hinata, and their relevance to the main story was waaaaaay more important that hers. Tsunade goes at Sasuke, and Sasuke defends by running.
            “Tch. Now I gotta deal with this bitch.”
            “And me!”
            Sasuke spins around to see old Kakashi, ready for action with a Lightning Blade. “Imma fuck you up for what you did to Iruky-chin!” His lightning attack attacks, but Sasuke easily evades, and while Kakashi bumbles and stumbles and tries to figure out what to do next, Sasuke’s cock shoves through his mask and goes down, down, down until it bursts out of his former teacher’s butthole.
            “You don’t have a Sharingan anymore, you retard! That was always your only saving grace!”
            Kakashi drops easily, and Sasuke has just enough time to piss on his head before Tsunade catches up. Kakashi, like a spit-out wad of gum, is next to wind up underneath her hulking feet. “I’m going to shove a finger up your ass and check your prostate!” she booms. “Then I’m gonna fork you with it!”
            Sasuke uses all sorts of attacks, but none faze the bitch! Finally, he does the unthinkable: he relies on Sakura. “Sakura, shoot this bitch in the eye with a Turd Ferguson!”
            Sakura, sitting up at Sasuke’s voice after having been raped unconscious, gasps. “But, Sasuke! If I use that attack…!”
            “No time for ‘NARUTO’ clichés! It’s time for her to take us seriously!” Sasuke runs to Sakura as she gets into position. Like a rhino, Tsunade’s path is direct and unwavering. “Eat shit, you pointless cunt!” He jumps out of the way, revealing Sakura in the classic Goatse pose. And coming from that gaping darkness, launched like a bazooka missile is a great, potato-sized clod of…
            “Kuso!”
            Direct hit! And Tsunade goes down. Gagging, she puts her hands to her throat and tries to choke herself before the intimate fumes suffocate her. But Sasuke is merciless and kicks her weak hands away. He wants her to talk. “Where is he?! Shiky-chan, before I skull-forked him, sent Naru-chan off on a mission, part of some plan! You pile of kuso of a Hokage, you’d better tell me!” He hoists his wife’s butt over his shoulder, holding her like a prepped bazooka. “Or I swear to Satan himself, I’ll launch a turd buster down your throat next!”
            Tsunade, sniveling and delicately brushing away the feces that gave her a black and pink eye, wheezes. “I… don’t know.”
            “Bitch! I know who knows your every weakness! Reverse Summoning: Snake in the Grass!” Sasuke slaps the seal on Sakura’s butt, and the summoned snake appears… and plops lifelessly on the ground in a mess of noxious brown and buzzing flies. Sasuke ponders this for a moment, and then snaps his fingers. “Oh yeah. The whole Choji thing.” For the… I dunno… umpteenth time, Orochimaru is forgotten and carries the significance of an inconvenient turd in the middle of the road.
            Tsunade launches a verbal attack on Sasuke, for wherever Naruto is, he obviously needs a distraction. “You’re a good man, Sasuke, but you ask too many questions. Sometimes people have to do things that just seem right. That seem right in their hearts, I mean. And if they do those things and then end up not feeling right, full of questions and sort of like they got indigestion, only inside their heads instead of in their guts, they think they made a mistake. Do you know what I mean?”
            Sasuke stares as Tsunade and ponders the question, reciting it in his head, and then gives a flabbergasted “What the fuck?”
~~~Meanwhile, to make a cameo~~~
            “I’ll update any story or take any request for anyone who knows where Tsunade’s quote is from!” cheers copier to the reader who never reviews.
            The reader gasps. “Copi-chan! It’s against this site’s rules to make unofficial challenges like that!”
            “Oh pishaw,” says copier with an immaculate flag-down. “The Dragons who run this site will never know if I put some shitty quote from Stephen King’s ‘Pet Semetary’ in here and offer a challenge. They never read my stories…” Slowly, copier looks at you. “If they did, they would’ve left at least one review these past fourteen years. After all, they keep encouraging all readers to review. It’d be hypocritical not to review themselves. Heh… Heh-heh… Ah-ha!   Wha-ahahaha! Yes! Yes!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Yes, more Caps Lock and Exclamation Points!! KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHA!!-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” copier then decides to take his little pecker out, and it springs free with an erotic ‘Wuba-uba-uba’ sound.
~~~Meanwhile, away from the ‘Wuba-uba-uba’ pecker~~~
            Slapping Tsunade with Sakura’s inside-out asshole – the drawback of the Turd Ferguson attack – Sasuke condemns Stephen King’s writing as some socially awkward loner who hates his wife and tries his damnedest not to write enthralling stories, but to make just one quote that someone can put on a t-shirt.
            Tsunade is sore with tears and the moisture of a dilapidated, inside-out rectum, but after spitting some red-brown from her mouth, she says, “You won’t beat Naruto. Koff! Even if you pound his ass and then beat him up/off, after crying for a while – which is indisputably canon, no matter what Kakashi said before Naruto cried his balls off with Haku and Zabuza – he’ll come back and fight you again. You’ll lose and be assimilated as one of us: Naruto’s ass kissers!”
            Sasuke scoffs and readies a Chidori. “I’m not scared of that crybaby, emo pussy.”
            All at once, Sasuke is surrounded by coils of sand! He jumps out of the way in time, and meets with perhaps one of Naruto’s greatest ball suckers! Gaara of the Wasteland stands against him, arms folded and looking tough… so we all know what’s going to happen next. “You forget, Sasuke. Naruto’s cheer squad goes beyond Konoha. Fight me and stuff.”
            “You piece of ‘can never actually win a fight’ shit,” Sasuke growls. “Imma finish you like a live-action Disney movie remake: in one take!”
~~~Meanwhile, in a cutaway joke~~~
            Emma Watson stands stiffly and awkwardly in front of a green screen on a shitty hill platform and sings, “I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere~! I want it more than I can tell~!”
            The director then says, “Perfect!”
            “Are you sure? I just read to script, so I think I can do better…”
            “No, no, we’re good. Onto the next scene! Let’s do the part where the beast says ‘be my guest.’”
            Dan Stevens looks up from the script. “Be my guest?”
            “Perfect! Move on to the scene after that!”
            And in that movie, live-action ‘Beauty and the Beast’, they say, that it was up to Luke Evans to save the day…
            The movie still sucked, regardless…
~~~
            Sasuke, in the span of the cutaway joke, has already beaten Gaara to a bloody pulp. Gaara, in a last ditch effort, begins to cry and say, “My mommy loves me!”
            “Your mom’s a faggot.” Sasuke kicks Gaara in his dumbass face. “I can never tell who’s worse of a character: you or Shikamaru? You had so much potential, but then you saw Neji, me and Shino and said ‘Hey, I can be like that too!’ Well, guess what? I’m gonna give you a little taste of your shittiness!” He hoists Sakura up and cocks her vaginy like a shotgun. “Load up another Turd Ferguson, turd burglar!”
            Sakura weakly looks back at her husband-chan. “I… I can’t, Sasy-chan. I only ate enough for one loading. And I’m almost out of chakra from it; chakra super-speeds the digestive process to take the nutrients out of my stomach and compact the waste together before launcg. Guh! For-forgive me, Sasy-chan.”
            “Tch! This bitch.” Sasuke glowers at Gaara. “Well, then, we’ll try another approach. The best move to use after a Turd Ferguson… is the waft technique.”
            Sakura, hearing this, perks up, realizing that she can still be of use to her Sasy-chan. “Yes, Sasy-chan!” She grunts and forces the last bit of her chakra to her butthole. Making the Wind Style hand symbol, she grunts out, “Wind Style: Stinky McStinkerton!”
            Her butthole collapses inward, like her colon suddenly had a set of lungs that needed to breathe. Her loose sphincter held its breath, and then exhaled sharply. Yellow-green fumes rush like a cloud of despair, taking on the form of a maniacal old man, laughing with madness as he beelines to Gaara’s nostrils. A successful breach, and Gaara gasps as the scent begins to fry his brain cells.
            “So… smelly,” he whispers.
            Independent of his own will, Gaara’s sand – Sabaku no Mommy’s love – runs up his nose to try to fend off the stinky assault. In so doing, however, the sand gives Gaara the only thing that could make him interesting again: a quick but gruesome death. A slow death wouldn’t have made him interesting; we found that out before! His head explodes from the input of too much sand in his head. Him and his pussifying combover are dead.
            Sasuke smirks. “That takes care of another Narutard. But I want the real thing. Where are you… Naru-chan?!”
            “Right here, believe it!”
            Sasuke gasps and spins around to see Naruto, standing like a turd in the middle of the driveway! He has his arms folded, and then unfolded to wave away the fart he just emitted. “Sorry. I drank bad milk again.”
            “Maybe your lactose intolerant,” advises Sasuke, dropping Sakura from his shoulders and prepared to do battle once more with his rival/not-gay lover. “Or maybe…” His smirk becomes evil. “You want man milk!”
            Tsunade weakly murmurs from the side, “What a stupid and disgraceful term for smut writers to use.”
            Naruto notices Tsunade for the first time. “Granny!” Suddenly, he’s huffing and puffing and emotionally drained. And of course, that means he trips over his own feet and slides across the ground pathetically. Kiba, a silent bystander now, tries to offer his help, but Naruto pushes him aside. He gots to do this by himself! He runs to Tsunade, but Sasuke intercepts him, Sharingan glowing and casting Genjutsu in a trice.
            “I’ll hypnotize you to become a girl again, you queer! And then,” Sasuke says, talking to a boy with boy parts that can hide under the guise of a lady, but will still be a boy regardless, “I’ll fork you to within an inch of your butthole’s life!”
            “SASUKE!!!!!”
            Naruto goes under the genjutsu, and sees… this…
~~~
What terribleness has Sasuke implanted in Naruto’s mind?! The end of the strife between two friends who became friends with compromised benefits is soon upon us!
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Naruto Shit-On-You-Then: The Curse Evolves