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To Duel With Fate	By : Mihkail Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female > Itachi/Sakura Views: 4864 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, and I do not profit from this fanfic.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
The best way he could describe it was like getting viciously smashed upside the head, and waking up in a foreign world, with a complete stranger before him. Nothing was familiar. Everything was blanketed in a depressing fog that shrouded the details of his environment. Blurring the edges and masking the colors into distorted shapes that were of no value in their current state. This stranger was recognizable to him, but only in ways he didn't like. Ways that made him feel sad, angry, disappointed, shameful...and very confused.
The things he recognized reminded him too much of himself. Darker traits he fought to keep locked away, to protect the rest of the world from, which Sakura had regrettably experienced firsthand. They were things that were never meant to exist. Not inside him, his own younger brother. He knew him as different person, not whoever this cruel, selfish person was in front of him now.
The sadness was the worst. It trickled in from every direction, steadily flooding higher and higher and promising to drown him in an inky, lonely abyss. Dissolving the sharp bite of the rest of the emotions so effectively, he longed for them to come back.
With the sun setting lower in the sky, fading into the untouched treetops at the end of the field behind him, it haloed the young man in front of him in a golden light. Dimming his upturned face in shadows as they looked at one another. Wiry blades of swaying grass churned around him in an endless dance. Framing him in the most peaceful, unfitting scenery. He was filthy and suffering from multiple injuries...and it perfectly matched his outer appearance.
He stood a few feet away, hands limp at his sides. Nothing about his posture or expression was threatening. Nothing of what he felt visible on his face. The only sign that something was wrong came from the slow intake of breath, pause, and slow sighing exhale. As if the simple task of breathing took too much effort.
The older Uchiha's calm gaze lifted from his to the shrinking sun above, and watched it's last rays melt into the forest.
Sasuke couldn't look away from him. The silence was quickly becoming insufferable, and not quite what he expected to be faced with. That by itself would have been a worthy punishment. It spoke so much louder than any words that could be thrown at him. Very few times did he mess up badly enough to earn a silence like that. In most cases, he got one of those annoying jabs to the forehead and an agitated lecture from him. Right now, he was missing it sorely.
But none of that could have possibly touched him if he wasn't able to feel the guilt. Guilt, and a little bit of fear. He was so unaccustomed to feeling those things that he didn't realize how painful they could be. Like the talons of a hawk sinking around his heart, piercing into him and making each beat labored and tiresome, until his chest ached.
"Itachi?" He asked with a swallow that tasted strongly of blood. It never bothered him before, but now it was extra thick and disgustingly metallic, though how he could taste anything with a nose so battered was amazing.
There was no answer.
Eventually, the lean statue cast in the dim rays of orange returned to life and eased down to the ground. Reclining back on his palms with his his legs stretched out between them, head cocking lazily to the side. Even then, he didn't look at him. He stared in thought at something in the grass, or rather through the grass, as his eyes lost focus and his lids fell heavy.
The words shuddered through Itachi's mind like a flock of starlings. Busy and erratic, he couldn't grasp onto any one of them, and there were far too many. The silence could not last, though. Silence was the loom that wove this fabric of madness, and it was time to set it ablaze. He was aware enough now to see his mistake...but it was only one of many that would rear their ugly faces in time. Too many assumptions were made, perhaps, and by more than one of them. He should have paid closer attention to Shisui's warning the other night.
"Shisui, will you give us a minute?" He asked his friend politely. Without a word, the other man turned and walked away, as if he was waiting for permission. Heading for the figure slumped against a tree that watched them all diligently, while holding her breath in anticipation. Something told him this was going to be longer than a 'a minute', but it didn't matter. He would remain until the end, if only to make sure no more fights erupted between the three of them. A bit hypocritical, since he still felt the intense urge to knock some sense into that brat. Maybe it was different because it wasn't his own brother, but Shisui had very little tolerance for the kind of behavior he just witnessed. The only reason he didn't emerge from the shadows and intervene sooner than he did, was because Itachi made him wait.
"You take after me more than I thought you did." He began, a deep murmur in the air. It's full meaning would be lost to those ears, no matter how carefully they listened. Sasuke might never figure out what he meant by that, but Itachi wasn't sure if he ever wanted him to know, so he didn't elaborate just yet.
"But I need you to help me understand..." He spoke carefully, examining each word like he was trying to put together a puzzle in his mind, piece by tiny piece, without even knowing what picture it was going to create in the end. "Where did this come from?"
The disheveled teen's mouth opened, but when Itachi looked up into his eyes finally, he found he had no idea what he meant to say. His mind was a mess, perhaps more so than his older brother's. More than even Sakura's. The biggest mistake he made was acting without processing anything on a rational level, which was very unlike him. All the things he felt, and kept submerged for years, found the outlet they were craving once the initial shock of catching Sakura and Itachi together wore off. They took control, and warped him into something precarious and untamed. The consequence for trying to live up to a role he believed for so long was expected of him. Sakura was the catalyst, but his explosion was fueled by far more than just her.
"She—"
"No." Itachi cut him off, soft but swift. "Sakura has nothing to do with this. Right now, we are talking about you."
"Sakura has everything to do with this." He retorted, an unsettled edge to his voice.
"She is not responsible for your actions, and that is what we're going to talk about." Itachi countered with a cool surety, holding his gaze similar to the way their father did when one of them was targeted for something they'd done wrong. Sternly and confidently, but Itachi's dark eyes held a gloom of sorrow in them that softened the look.
The bruised and blood-streaked jaw clenched in a return of frustration. He persisted, failing in his ignorance to see how the two could be separated. "That's impossible. My actions revolve around her."
"Really?" Itachi asked with a slow, disbelieving blink. With his tone, it sounded more like a condescending, enlighten me. If he was going to be so blind, then he would humor his brother for now, but it would not last forever.
Sasuke opened his mouth in a sneering protest, but for a second time, nothing came out. Brows pinched in what he felt was exasperation. Desperate to give justification to the things he'd just said and done to his teammate, but his throat closed up. Strangled by the weighted gaze that waited patiently for him to explain himself. Then, slowly, his head tilted downward as the crush of defeat molded over him. A fierce glare narrowing at the ground between them that was as bitter and wounded as it was lost. He didn't know how to argue, despite how much he wanted to.
"Do you have feelings for her?" Itachi's next question came gently, almost hesitantly. Like he didn't want to ask it, and yet it was sewn with a promise that he would get an answer, whether his little brother wanted to give him one or not. This was one thing that could not be ignored. It was too vital.
"She lied..." Sasuke managed through gritting teeth, eyes sinking shut while a disturbed line continued to wrinkle his brow. "She told me for years she loved me, but it was a lie. You don't lie about something like that." The pain was evident in his voice, but Itachi couldn't tell if it was the realization that was painful, or the fact that he was having to admit her 'lie' affected him in the first place.
"Why do you think she was lying?"
"She wouldn't have slept with you if she loved me."
"You think that because she slept with me, she stopped loving you..." Itachi reiterated pensively, his gaze narrowing. Sasuke paused and opened his eyes to peek up at him, as if he didn't understand. How could those two things be unrelated? Clearly if you were in love with someone, you wouldn't be interested in having sex with someone else...especially their brother.
"Obviously. Why would she sleep with you if she loved me?" He snorted hotly, so sure of himself.
Itachi nodded slowly, considering his question. Then he lifted his head and trained his gaze on the sky thoughtfully. A blank slate of nothing but colors that seemed to help him organize the bits of information he was inferring from the younger man. Getting the first sliver of a view inside his brain.
"How many times did she tell you she loved you?"
"I don't know...too many to count. She's been saying it for years." Sasuke answered, watching him suspiciously. He knew he was being set up for something.
"How many times did you give her the impression that love would ever be returned?"
He looked dumbstruck for a moment, and then fired angrily, "That's not the point!"
"It is the point. If you have never reciprocated, it changes everything. Love doesn't die overnight, Sasuke...but maybe she's grown up enough to realize she needs to move on." Though he was still careful with his words, analyzing them in a tedious filter before they left his mouth, they were much easier to find now. The depressing fog of this environment hadn't lifted, but he felt he could see through it with more clarity than before.
Sasuke stared at him, the buzz of his cluttered and cynical mind fading as a bit of truth sank into him like a sharp thorn. Putting something into focus suddenly that he didn't want to acknowledge, and yet couldn't look away from. It revealed a flaw in his rationale he had been too stubborn to face on his own.
"What do you think happens to the wife of a shinobi who never comes home from a mission?" Itachi left the shifting colors of the sky to look down at him. "She moves on, if she wants. She finds someone new to love. Is it because she stopped loving her husband? No... It's because she has no choice. She can't change the fact that he's gone. She can't bring him back from the dead. She can let the sadness and the emptiness consume her and define everything she does, or she can choose to continue living her life."
Sasuke said nothing, only looking at him in vague skepticism and wonder. The logic shredded the start of every impulsive defense that came to him, stealing any rebuttal before it could manifest.
"Moving on from a one-sided affection isn't so different from letting go of the deceased. The only difference is she still has to see you regularly, and that probably makes it much harder, which is why she hasn't been able to do it until now. But...Sakura can still love you while choosing to let you go."
An arm rose absently to wipe the congealing blood from his mouth and upper lip, but when it touched, he froze instead. He looked away, staring once more at the ground with part of his face hidden from view, hair falling around his eyes. There was so much internal resistance thrashing and clawing inside of him, wanting to poke holes in everything his older brother was saying, but it couldn't... He was actually starting to make sense, and it was infuriating. He didn't want to be wrong. He didn't want to be the bad guy, but that's what he was now, wasn't he? Every sentence he endured was so casual, without a hint of spite, and as a twisted consequence it was difficult for him to hear.
He could argue with Sakura. It was easy to stir up trouble with her, because she almost always reacted. Their emotions fed off one another in a deadly synergy, once he lost control of himself. With Itachi, it was like trying to ignite water.
"Then why didn't she explain that?" He murmured after a moment of silence. The wind was cooling around them as the shades of gold and orange were replaced by turquoise and deeper blue. Withdrawing their reflective highlights, and abandoning the two Uchihas in a dusky light.
"I think she would have, if you had given her the chance..."
Sasuke considered him quietly, and then dropped his arm from his mouth as he sighed in annoyance. Realizing now that Itachi had been there longer than he initially thought. He was afraid to ask just how much he witnessed. The truths he was instilling into him stung enough on their own, without the added shame.
Itachi watched him, waiting for him to reveal more of what he thought and felt, but nothing would come easily. Every hook he landed had its affect, and yet Sasuke kept pulling further away. Letting them dug deeper and spill more blood with every retreating, stubborn jerk. Revisiting the mistakes he already made over and over again in shutting down and hiding himself.
Itachi exhaled loudly as he slumped forward, moving from his sprawled position into a cross-legged one with his elbows resting on his knees. Finally, he too looked down at the ground between them.
"I don't know how you feel about her. No one knows that but you. But I do know that when you really care about someone...you don't treat them the way that you treated her just now. The way you treated her was inhuman. Like she was a toy...or a slave that disobeyed you... We both know she is neither of those things."
The young man listened to him, motionless. Hard eyes glaring at nothing.
"But...people make mistakes all the time, especially when emotions get in the way. They can mess a lot of things up. Leave you with regrets you never wanted to bear." He grew softer, a hint of grief betraying. The dark lines on his face seemed longer and more noticeable, the crease in his eyes carrying an invisible burden. "I know you feel something. You wouldn't have acted this way if you didn't."
The question still hung in the air, unanswered. He wasn't going to let it go. It didn't matter what the answer was, he just needed to know what he felt. His next move would be influenced by it.
"...Whatever. It doesn't matter." It was intended to sound decisive and put an end to the conversation, but it was frail, reeking of disappointment and crumbling resolve. Nevertheless, Sasuke winced as he struggled to his feet. Determined to escape this tornado of emotions and the headache it brought, and hobble off into brooding solitude. He would need to make a stop at the hospital first. It was a long ways away, but he was sure more than one bone was broken...and he would sooner break another bone himself than ask Sakura to heal him.
"It does matter, Sasuke." Itachi watched him rise with an irritated twitch in his eye.
A dry, contemptuous laugh responded, but Sasuke otherwise ignored him. Moving sluggishly past him and toward the direction of their village while a silent Shisui and Sakura observed in the distance.
His older brother was on his feet and clutching his arm before he heard the rustle of movement. He paused mid-stride, jaw clenching while the steadfast grip kept him in place. This was draining on them all, but it couldn't end like this. There was no closure, and Itachi was determined to find some before the stars could wake from their slumber above their heads. Perhaps something this complicated needed more than an hour to be resolved, but something was better than nothing, and right now, there was a whole lot of nothing going on between them.
"Stop trying to avoid the subject. This is a big deal." Itachi insisted, refusing to let him go.
"YOU DIED!" The abrupt shout was loud enough to echo across the field. A flock of birds that had just returned to their roost, previously disturbed by the chaos of their battle, erupted from a treetop to flutter hurriedly into the horizon. He violently ripped his arm out of his grasp as he spun to face him. Expression wrinkled in a furious snarl.
The reaction stunned him. Hand hovering uselessly in the air as he took a step back to regain his footing. Itachi stared at him with wide eyes, speechless.
"You want to talk about avoiding a big deal?! Let's talk about that!" There was animosity in his indictment. Like his death had been a crime he needed to answer for. A voice clenching in rage and pain as he snapped under the pressure they exerted within him.
"Let's talk about how your last mission killed you, and the only reason you're standing here right now is because she performed some fucking miracle that no one seems to be able to explain! Let's talk about how even after she brought you back from the dead, you were in a fucking coma for days, and no one could tell me if you would wake up again! Let's talk about how after all of that, you haven't said one fucking word about any of it! Like it doesn't fucking matter! Like nothing happened! Not the mention the fact that you also kept her a secret!"
"I can't talk about anything involving my missions..." Itachi whispered, trying to fight through the daze. Concentration smashed to dust under the weapon of his voice. The tortured resentment blasting at him was near tangible, and he felt something cold and stony drop inside him.
"When did I say anything about ANBU?! I'm talking about you! You tell me not to avoid this bullshit, but it's all you fucking do! You died, Itachi! Does that mean nothing to you?!" His teeth clenched the last two sentences, a visible cringe twisting his face as if it hurt him to speak.
It was his turn to gape wordlessly. Standing there dumbfounded like this was the last thing he expected to hear. He was not in the least prepared for this outburst.
When his brother turned to step away from him, fuming with defiance and resentment, Itachi reached for him. "Sasuke..."
"Fuck you!" Two hands shoved roughly into his chest, rejecting him forcefully. Angry at so many things, including himself...and including his inability to wipe the distressed look off his beaten face.
That harsh bite of words he'd never heard him say before, coupled with the physical blow he was dealt, hurt him deeply, but his didn't let it stop him. His hesitation waned and focus returned in a flash. Hand snagging into the dirty gray shirt, he restored his balance and yanked Sasuke into him with one hard jerk. Wrapping his arms around him in an unyielding, tight hug.
The brief shock that paralyzed him was quickly overruled with an intense struggle to escape the embrace. Cursing and shouting at him to let go. Itachi's refusal was quiet and resolute. His fingers spread over his back, chin resting over his shorter shoulder. Even when they were both healed and rested, Itachi was stronger and faster than him, so in his current state, it wasn't much of a challenge to keep him caged.
It only took a few seconds for him to calm down, but they were some of the longest seconds of his life. When he did, Sasuke gradually let his weight lean against him. Slumping in defeat. The hands that had been clawing to push him away, gripped into the back of his dark blue shirt, stilled. His face hidden in the top of his chest. A sustained silence fell between them, just long enough for everything to finally sink in to them both.
Sasuke felt his own ribs squeeze inward under an invisible force, crushing around his lungs. His heart skipped a beat, and thumped unevenly for a few seconds. Body reacting as if the simple, yet powerful gesture of affection damn near killed him.
Itachi could feel the spot on his chest grow a little hotter as a blotch of tears seeped unseen into his shirt. A somber look cast over his shoulder to the ground. Sasuke didn't make a sound, or try to move again.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke." He murmured, feeling the ribs under his encircling arms shudder without rhythm. It broke his heart and made him feel like he aged ten years all within a matter of seconds. So... He messed up in more ways than he thought he did.
"I didn't know it affected you that much." Sinking into a whisper, he felt the hands squeezing his shirt only tighten. Knuckles blanching. He let the silence return, unsure of how to navigate this turn of events. At first glance, it might seem like they'd fallen off track...but maybe this had been part of the track all along, and he just couldn't see it until it was spelled out for him.
Still... That did not condone his actions today.
Sasuke couldn't have spoken if he wanted to. Everything inside of him contracted until he cramped and ached. Most of his effort fixed on breathing steadily while his eyes squeezed shut and his jaw tensed. He didn't like this at all. He felt weak, and he couldn't stand it. He wasn't supposed to be weak. It was unforgivable.
A rush of cool air sucked between him when Itachi gently pulled away. The wind brushed the black hair in front his eyes, wet and mildly bloodshot. Sasuke let his fingers slip away and fall to his sides, but he was looking down. Staring into space with a heaviness that looked like he was ready to pass out. All the anger had been extinguished. A little surprising, considering how vividly it burned moments ago. For a fleeting moment, Itachi thought he might even attack him. If Sasuke had felt nothing but anger, he probably would have...but the anger was always battling against a siege of other emotions, and it wore him down. He couldn't deal with it anymore.
"I screwed up. More than you know. Probably more than I know..." He listened to the voice that reached him distantly, staring into the blue chest in front of him and letting it blur as his eyes lost focus through the distorting glimmer of tears pooling in the way. "But that doesn't excuse anything you've done."
Sasuke swallowed. A reluctant nod agreed with him, as if he was finally willing to admit he realized his own mistakes. Itachi sighed quietly, a hand resting on his brother's shoulder.
"She didn't earn a reaction like this. You took things too far. If you want to blow up on me, then that's fine. I can take it. But don't do this to her..."
Fingers squeezed his shoulder lightly when he said nothing, and Sasuke forced himself to look up.
"She is the last person that deserves the kind of punishment you just dealt."
He reflected a moment, and then he nodded again.
"You need to apologize to her, and you need to mean it. I don't expect it to happen today...but soon."
"Yeah... Alright." He muttered finally, then cleared his throat.
Itachi watched him intently. Wishing he had done so many things differently. Aware suddenly of just how much he was failing him as an older brother. Nobody was perfect, and he wasn't so arrogant to think that he was...but it was horrifying to realize how many ominous signs he overlooked. Maybe a lot of things happened that he wasn't aware of, but he should have been paying closer attention to him. It might have steered them all away from this disaster.
"How do you feel about her?" He asked one last time, and watched a twitch of irritation flit over his face, before Sasuke sighed in surrender.
"I don't know... But it doesn't matter."
"Why?"
"Like you said, she's moving on. She's obviously interested in you now." He sounded a little bitter, glancing away to find her sitting obediently by that tree. The vulgar welt on her forehead was gone, from what he could see. Healed by her own hands, along with the rest of her injuries, as best she could. Must be nice to be a medic. Then, he looked down in thought.
"What about you?" Sasuke returned the question tentatively. Unsure if he wanted to know the answer. The thought of him caring about a girl was strange. He never brought one home—not while their parents were around, anyway. If he ever had a serious girlfriend, then he mastered the art of secrecy like it was his job. From what he witnessed when he caught them in bed, he did have some experience, though. Their tryst was as lewd and steamy as a scene in one of Jiraiya's Icha Icha books. Not that Sasuke would know. He doesn't read those things. Okay, maybe sometimes...but whatever.
"I haven't known her for very long." Itachi sighed, letting his hand fall from his shoulder. "You might think I've kept it a secret from you, but the truth is, there wasn't much to talk about until now. We needed to...figure some things out first."
Sasuke listened carefully, but kept his gaze down.
"I don't know what's going to happen, but I care about her."
This was going to take some time to digest, but he didn't react to his admission. Sooner or later, he knew it would happen. Their parents had bugged him enough about finding a girl over the past couple years that he was surprised Itachi didn't just pick one at random to shut them up for a while. He just didn't expect it to be...Sakura.
The sounds of nocturnal insects buzzed and chirped around them. Awakened by the dimming light and chilling air. The change in atmosphere was soothing, but it was going to be a while before any true comfort could touch him. Itachi must have seen the slight change on his face, even as he looked away. A flicker of despondence and guilt. He tilted his head lower and shifted into his view, causing him to look up curiously. A hand smoothed over the back of Sasuke's neck, holding his attention in the process as they locked eyes.
"I love you, Sasuke. That's never going to change..." His older brother's eyes were still darkened by a sadness he couldn't shake, yet he was studying him with a sense of purpose. Sasuke watched him in awe.
"I don't want to believe that you would ever try to hurt her." The corner of Itachi's eyes wrinkled as the recent image of them haunted him, struggling in a cloud of dust on the ground. He knew what was happening, but he didn't want to accept it at the time. He wanted to wait for it to end, and confirm his belief that his brother was above something so violent and wrong. Fortunately, Shisui decided to take action in his place. "But if you ever do hurt her...we are going to have a serious problem. Do you understand?"
Sasuke's eyes flit back and forth between his, somehow knowing exactly what was going through his head. It was impossible for him to deny it. If Shisui hadn't knocked him through the air with a vengeance, there was a good chance he wouldn't have moved from his spot. Their lack of interference could have drastically changed how things ended. He was able to reflect on that moment a little bit now, with a clearer head, and what he saw was too damning and disgraceful for him to endure without cringing.
"...Yeah... I know." He murmured, overwhelmed by the urge to turn away again. Looking him in the eye for too long was incredibly uncomfortable, especially now.
The back of his neck was freed, and the tiniest sense of relief eased the tension around his heart. But as he began his journey a second time, two fingers landed a sharp thump on his forehead and startled him. Causing him to snap his eyes shut in a flinch.
"Ow..." He grunted, reopening them to glance warily at his brother while the spot above his eyes throbbed lightly.
"I'll see you at home." Itachi smirked faintly.
Sasuke snorted through his nose, turned away, then paused again.
"How did you meet her, anyway?"
"She came over one day, looking for you." He answered a little hesitantly. There was no point in lying. That would only cause more problems. The look on his face suggested there was something about that day that bothered him, though.
Sasuke considered him for a moment, sensing the slight change, but he didn't pry. "Hn... Guess she found someone better, then." His conclusion was quiet and genuine, free of sarcasm. Then he finished turning and walked slowly across the field. Purposely avoiding Sakura and Shisui as he took a different route through the maze of trees.
Itachi was left staring into the shapes of the forest, colors draining into shadows as the night crept in around them. The insects hummed in a louder chorus, filling the silence he couldn't break, as he reflected on those final words. They were meant as a compliment...and yet he felt hollow and undeserving.
He heard the grass hissing close to him, a tired breath beating at his side as he lost himself within his own doubting thoughts. Too many of them to sort through, and not enough time.
"Itachi?" A soft voice called him. Infecting him with a conflicting stab of pain and consoling warmth. He looked down, and found the large green eyes quivering up at him captivating. Entrapping him enough to quell some of the destructive thoughts wallowing around in the back of his mind that questioned so many things he had done, and failed to do.
As always, Sakura was like an open book. Gazing up at him with the most crystal-clear windows to any soul he'd ever seen. A hundred unspoken questions orbited inside her head, begging to be free, yet denied by the overpowering fear of asking any of them. He read every single one of them.
Are you okay? Is Sasuke okay? Am I in trouble? Are you leaving me? I mean, I know you can't leave me if you aren't even—oh for fuck's sake, just tell me! Did I do something wrong? How long were you watching? You don't think I'm a slut too, do you?! Is it okay to touch you? Why are you looking at me like that?!
She started mutely, shoulders slightly hunched and hands clenching into nervous fists in front of her. Wanting to hug him, but lacking the confidence, and yet unable to calmly return them to her sides.
He blinked in mild surprise down at her, and then lost control of a chuckle that was both amused and emotionally drained. Her brow wrinkled in confusion, surveying him with rapt attention. One wrong word or move, and she might very well shatter to pieces...and he was laughing!
She watched his eyes roam over her face, noting the absence of wounds, and the faint smears of leftover blood and filth she had tried to wipe off. Hard to do that when the rest of her skin and uniform were covered in the same aftermath of her fight with Sasuke, though.
"Come on... Let's go for a walk." He answered finally, and her lips parted curiously as he slipped past her. Then she felt a tug, and looked down in shock to see his fingers lacing through her's and pulling her along with him. He lead her back in the direction she came, straight toward Shisui, who was leaning with his back to a tree, arms folded over his chest with his head bowed low.
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To Duel With Fate