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Love Me When I'm Gone	By : KittenCobra Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1971 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (the manga or anime) or any of the characters included within it. I only own the original characters in this story including the main character Utako Mizuke. I do not make any form of profit off of this story.

Chapter List
- 11
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- 13
12. Stand Off
“Thought you could run out on my little brother that easily, huh?” She continues with distain dripping from her lips. “Well, listen hot shot… I’m not gonna let you mess my brother up like that. He deserves better than to have some bimbo run out on him without a word. And hey… those are my clothes!”
“Let me go Temari,” I reply calmly. “You already know I’m bad for him. Just step aside and I’ll be gone. You’ll be here to help patch him up. Kankuro can help find him another girl even. Surely he can sate his lust on someone else just as easily. You already know this is what you really want. Just let me go.” I can read her thoughts easily, and she is angry that I know how she truly feels.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.” She looks at me, and attacks me mentally when I am not ready. She throws an image of Gaara at me.
He is young, hunched over and pulling at his hair. He has blood, all over his small body. She is terrified. Who died? Who has he killed now? “Gaara?” she says, approaching cautiously.
“Mother made me do it.” Gaara’s voice is vacillating between a sadistic sound, and a sound of sheer agony. “The blood… the blood is all I want. Why Temari? Why do they run from me?” She hesitates, unsure of how to calm him. “Why do they run from ME?!”
Ow… God damnit! I clutch my head in my hands, as I feel tears spring to my eyes. Her heart was broken for him in that moment, and my own broken response doubles its intensity. “You fight dirty,” I say, sniffing and draining the tears into my ducts.
“You’re damn right I do! I won’t stop either, not until you hear me out.” She glares defiantly at me, and I realize I am not likely to get past her – not in my weakened condition, and not without harming her. Perhaps I should have stayed another day… No. I’ve got to get out of here now.
“Say what you’ve come to say then. It’s unnecessary, I’m sure you know, but it will make you feel better.” I stand upright facing her, and cross my arms over my chest.
Confront me… change her mind… ask me a question… confront me…distract me. Her thoughts keep jumping, never landing in one place for long. It’s terribly disorienting, and it’s draining my small amount of energy.
Damnit she’s good! She is doing this on purpose; battling me without any physical blow, trying to keep me off balance, and using my curse to her advantage – and my disadvantage. She can read the fatigue building on my face.
“How about you stop trying to read my mind, and we talk like normal people?” she proposes with a cocky smile. I give up, and relax, flopping down on the roof. Round 1: Temari 1, Mizuki nadda.
“Fair enough. No mind-reading… as much as is possible mind you. What do you want Temari?”
“I want to know the truth… why Gaara?”
I let out a weary sigh, and run my hand over my face. “I honestly wish I could tell you, but I don’t really understand it. I’d targeted Kankuro before I ever saw him, believe it or not. By all accounts Gaara’s both the best and worst guardian I could have chosen. He is strong, powerful, wealthy, and more than capable of taking care of himself and even me if needed. At the same time, it’s WAY too public, too complicated, too confusing. I should use my curse to read his every thought, manipulate his moods… but I don’t. Why?? Beats me. Oh wait… yeah. Because after all these years of running, I’ve boiled down to being an idiot. I must be sadistic.” I laugh humorlessly at my own joke.
From the look on her face – and only the look, I will not lie to her unless I have to – my response brings her up short. “Do you even like him?” she asks, genuinely curious.
“Oh please…” I roll my eyes at her stupidity. “What’s not to like? He’s ridiculously sexy. He’s grumpy, but sweet. He tries so hard, and is so constantly confused…” I start to laugh at the memory of his confused face staring at my breasts this morning. “But he just… he never gives up. He keeps trying. He controls, and he fumes, and he demands… but he’s just… I don’t know. He’s scared; like a little kid facing the whole world on his own. He’s so desperate to be a good man; one worthy of people’s respect. What woman in their right mind could resist that? So yes… I like him. Big deal. He’s much, much better off with me gone.” I look into her eyes, hoping my point sinks in.
“What if you’re pregnant? Would you honestly tell him about the baby?” This is so much of a concern to her I feel palpable fear in the air. I don’t bother to discern why her fear is so strong, it is irrelevant.
“Ah, yes that. Well… that’s easy. I’m not.”
“It’s not that simple, sweetheart,” she says acidly. “There’s no guarantee you’d know already. It only takes once.”
“Well then you have your answer. Gaara and I have never actually had sex.” Her eyes widen in surprise. This is the answer she’d been praying for. Just as quickly, they start to narrow again. She doesn’t believe me. I sigh again. “I know he told you we were lovers – I was sitting there after all. He only said that because it was simpler than trying to explain our real relationship. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve tried to get him to give in… God knows it would be amazing. But he’s too shy, too unsure of himself and his reactions. Besides, even if we did have sex, I can’t have children.” I point at my belly, trying to make a joke of it. “This is a baby free zone.”
Her face is like the poster for the definition of uncertainty. “How do you know that?”
“It would be easier to just show you, and less painful than having to explain in words actually.” I try to make my voice sound light, as if it’s not soul crushing – but fail miserably.
After a moment, she nods in agreement. I dredge up the awful memory, and allow myself to relive it one more time – projecting it into her mind.
Kabuto stands in front of me, holding a small pile of papers. I am in my nightgown, rubbing my eyes sleepily with my teddy bear clutched in my arms. Truthfully, at 12, I’m a bit too old for a bear.
“Mizuki, do you know why we asked to speak with you tonight?” I don’t like this man, but Orochimaru is standing close by. He smiles to reassure me.
“No. What do you want?” I glare up at him.
“Well, as you know we run periodic blood work on you, to make sure you’re growing properly – despite your kekkei genkai. With this latest batch of blood, we noticed something wrong. We’ve looked into it further, and we’ll… I’m sorry I’m not better at delivering bad news, but… you won’t be able to have the family you’ve been talking to Orochimaru about.” He stares at me coldly, the light reflecting off his thick ugly glasses.
My blood runs cold. What? Why does Kabuto even know about that? I had been telling Orochimaru that I wanted to grow up, and marry a strong man to take care of me. I want babies that look just like me and can see people’s thoughts the way I can. I want to hold them, and sing them to sleep. I clutch my bear tighter. My chest feels heavy, and it’s hard to breathe.
“What are you talking about?” I yell at him. “What does that have to do with my blood?”
Orochimaru steps from the shadows with a sad glint in his eyes. His voice croons to me. “Now… there, there dear Mizuki. I’m sorry dear, I know how much this must disappoint you, but the results of the blood work are undeniable. Your body will not support children. The kekkei genkai within you is too strong. It simply won’t allow them to grow. By the time you are old enough to bring a child into the world safely, your organs will be useless for that purpose.”
No… no, no, no. The tears are flowing freely down my face now. But why? Why can’t I have my own babies? Is it because I hurt all those people? Is this my punishment? “Orochimaru-sensei, please…” I beg through a sob, “please… can’t you fix me? You know so much about medicine. Can’t you help fix me? Please?”
“I’m sorry dear one. We will keep looking. Perhaps we will find something in the future to help. For now, you must keep up your training to become stronger.” He kisses his cold, wet lips to my forehead as I sob.
I pull out of the memory, and I can feel the fresh tears on my face. Temari’s face is also streaked with them. I clear my throat. “Sorry. The emotional transference is unavoidable… He never found an answer for me. My ovaries simply faded into nothing. Eventually, I learned he was not the kind man I thought him to be, and I fled for my life. That means I’ll never get an answer, but I have come to accept that.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t realize…”
“You couldn’t have.” I stare out into the desert landscape in front of the house. The tiles are hot beneath my legs, adding to the burn in my skin. “But you see… even if Gaara had chosen to have sex with me, he would be free from worry. I simply cannot bear him – or anyone else – a child.”
I can feel the relief radiating from her, and a slight bit of guilt. She sits with me for a long time on the roof, just staring out into the emptiness. “Temari?” I finally venture.
“Yes?” she asks.
“Thank you for sitting here with me. I don’t bring that memory to mind often. It is… difficult.” I watch her smile tenderly back at me. “You know… if I wasn’t about to ruin all your lives, and risk getting you killed… I might really like it here. You all are a crazy bunch, but the last two days have been more of a home than I think I’ve ever known.”
“You could stay,” she suddenly gushes. “Really! We can help. We can keep you safe! Gaara can – “
I hold up a hand to cut her off. “No Temari. I can’t. As much as I like you guys… I don’t belong here. Thank you though… for wanting me to.”
I watch a single tear roll down her cheek, and I reach down grabbing her hand. Knowing I have no time to spare, I quickly touch her mind – sending her into blackness. She slumps against the roof – out cold. She will stay this way for a while, and given the state of my own back, I’m worried she will burn. I can’t leave her here. I work doggedly to get her back in the window, back to her own room, and tucked into bed. Then I leap out of the window and out into the hot Suna sun.
I stop by my small storehouse of items, the few things I still own to my name. I have a small knife, which I can strap to my thigh or a belt if I actually owned one. I have a small pan; tiny enough to fit in my pocket – enough to make a meal for just one. I also have a pair of well worn-in running shoes, which I strap quickly to my feet. I make one last stop at the balcony of the woman who has been providing for me for so many days. She must have been worried at my absence, but there is still a small meal waiting for me. I will not be back here again, so I decide to leave her a brief note.
So sorry… plans have changed, and I must be on my way again. Thank you for your kindness. I can never repay you. Don’t worry.
After leaving my small goodbye, I run out into the desert as fast as my legs will carry me. Hopefully, it will be fast enough.
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- 13
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Love Me When I'm Gone

12. Stand Off