Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Firsts
By : djserani
Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male
Views: 1305 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto! I make no money off of this!
Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
REMINDER:This story takes place in Darkprism's Monoshizukanohi Universe. Though the appearances of Monoshizukanohi locations in this series of stories is minor, it does exist and that world belongs to her. She graciously allows me to play.

Secondly, this story is relatively tame, but the boys ARE, technically, underage . So, technically, I need to add the "minor" warning.

Rest of the warnings for this chapter: None, really, except language. I know, shock, right? And Angst, but I'm not going to repeat that every chapter. This whole story is angst.

* * *

He woke alone. He ached in odd places, like he'd used all sorts of weird muscles just in the process of crying, which may have been true. He'd never quite felt like that before. And definitely never cried like that before.

He rubbed hard at his face, the headache he'd had earlier still nagging at his right temple and stared at the bottom of the upper bunk for a minute. The odd thought roamed through his mind that they ought to just give up and get rid of the damned thing since he never slept in it. In fact, they ought to just get a slightly bigger bed and give up the pretense altogether.

He shook his head, which dislodged the headache, spreading it to his other temple and making him regret the move. That successfully derailed his train of thought about the beds and he rolled, catching a glimpse of the alarm clock. Ten o'clock, but� what day of the week was it? Had he missed school?

As he started to sit, Kotetsu came through the door. "Hey," he said, crossing the room. He had a mug in his hand. Izumo's stomach rumbled at the smell of coffee.

"Coffee?" He asked, hopefully and Tetsu's smile was big.

"For you. I was going to wake you." He sat next to Zumo on the bunk and handed the mug to his friend. "I'm glad to see you asking for something."

Izumo swallowed at that, fighting a fresh batch of tears and shame. He couldn't speak, so he simply nodded, then took a moment to sip at the brew with closed eyes. "Tastes good," he managed, then opened his eyes and stared at his friend. "Thank you," he said and looked back into his cup.

"It's just coffee," Tetsu said, shrugging, but Izumo shook his head - gently, this time.

"No. Not for the coffee - though, thank you for that, too. Um, for� last night." He stumbled over it a little bit and swallowed hard as the pain wanted to resurface. He forcibly pushed it back down. He had a bad enough headache at that moment; he really didn't want to add to it.

"Oh. Well, you don't have to thank me for that, either. We're best friends," he said, shrugging one shoulder again. "It's what we do for each other."

Izumo knew there was more to it than that. Not all best friends slept in the same bed. Not all best friends kissed or had sex, for that matter, even if it was only once, even if they were both gay. Not all best friends could comfort or understand each other the way they could. But he didn't argue the point right then, he really wasn't up for it. "Well, even if I don't have to, I want to. Thank you." He sipped a bit more of his coffee. "What day is it? I've�" he paused and swallowed around the lump again. "I've lost all track."

"Oh. Saturday. We missed the Dojo, but I figured you needed the sleep more."

Izumo nodded. He searched his memory and knew that he'd been going, even since Hayate's� death. But he couldn't remember much of it. "God, what a mess I've been. I don't even remember that much. It's like it's sort of been a dream. A bad one," he qualified before taking another drink of his coffee again.

Kotetsu cleared his throat and dragged a toe over the carpet, keeping his eyes glued to his foot. "He wouldn't want this."

Izumo swallowed again, wishing for the hundredth time that he could get rid of the stupid lump that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in his throat. "I know. God, I know�" he paused, finding regular breathing suddenly very difficult. He stared hard at the floor, at a tiny little spot on the carpet, fighting the muscles in his face that wanted to let go. He wasn't going to, he was not going to.

He swallowed a few times, took several harsh breaths and finally had himself back under control. "Sorry," he whispered.

"God, don't. No more. Don't apologize, please," Tetsu said, wrapping one arm around Izumo's shoulders. Izumo looked over at him to see Tetsu looking near tears. "All I wish I could do is to make it easier on you somehow. I� God, I didn't love him. I can't imagine what it is to go through this. But� I would, if I could make it so you didn't have to."

Even that made it hard to breathe, hard to think. Some rational, intellectual part of him knew that he was supposed to go through this stuff. He and Tetsu had taken psychology, so academically, he understood that there were stages to grief and all of that good garbage.

But it was one thing to read about it in class and a whole other to experience it.

He took a few more breaths and went back to drinking his coffee. He and Hayate had picked up the habit over the summer because they ended up getting out of bed early most days so that they could get together. They'd recognized it was kind of silly and stupid to drag themselves out of bed so early just so they could be grumpy with each other, but they never quite were able to� not, either.

The coffee thing had then carried over into the school year and he had a sneaking suspicion he'd be hooked for life. But right then, it was more comforting than painful, so he drank and remembered their very first sips of it.

Hayate had shown up one day before he'd gotten out of bed. He'd awaken to his boyfriend squatting next to the bunk. Tetsu had been wrapped around him, which had given Izumo no small amount of panic. Hayate just laughed when it took Izumo quite a bit to remove Tetsu's arm from his waist. He'd tried to apologize, but Hayate had long since gotten over the idea that they slept in the same bed. Yate had gone on to tell him that the look on his face every time they saw each other again was enough of a reminder of how Izumo felt.

So, after peeling himself out from under Kotetsu's arm, they'd gone to the kitchen, both a little grumpy and still tired and brewed coffee. Neither had done anything to their cup and the face Hayate had made was priceless. Izumo's mom ended up buying a lot of sugar that summer until they found a mix they could stand.

Izumo scooted a little closer to Kotetsu as the memory faded and laid his head on Tetsu's shoulder. His friend's arm tightened around him. "It'll get better, Zumo," Tetsu murmured.

Izumo nodded with his head still on the shoulder. "Eventually. I� guess it already is a little bit." He shifted and buried his face in his friend's neck taking comfort in Tetsu's familiar scent. "Are you really not� Kenji's boyfriend?" He asked without moving.

"Yeah. We�" he paused.

"Go ahead, it's okay," Izumo coached.

"We saw you two and thought that's how boyfriends are supposed to be. So we kind of figured that, well, we were friends and all, but�" he trailed off.

Izumo nodded again. "I guess I can see that." He dropped a light kiss on the spot on Tetsu's neck he'd been up against then sat up and finished the coffee in his cup. He made a face when he smelled himself. "I need a shower." He sighed and dragged himself to his feet. Kotetsu stood with him and stared at him for a long moment, then pulled him into a hug.

"Just� need a hug," he whispered.

Izumo again forced the regret back and wrapped his arms around his friend. "I�" he stopped the apology. "I can use a lot of them, myself," he said, instead.

He felt Tetsu nod, the arms around him tighten briefly then his friend let go. Kotetsu sniffed loudly. "Yeah, you need a shower," he said, his lips quirking.

"Ha, ha." Izumo retorted, his own lips twitching. He caught sight of it in the mirror and that set off a fresh ache. How could he smile?

"Don't. You're allowed," Tetsu said in his ear.

He nodded, but said nothing and headed for the bathroom. When he stepped through the door, he looked up into the mirror and forced himself to stop to really look at himself.

He'd lost weight. He had dark circles under his eyes - eyes that looked like they wanted to be dead. Sad, yes. Lost. His hair even looked limp and dull. He shook his head. No, Hayate wouldn't have wanted this.

He opened the door to see Tetsu coming out of their room. "Is Mom home?"

Kotetsu paused. "Yeah, she is, why?"

"Would you ask her if she has the stuff for pancakes?" Izumo asked.

Tetsu blinked at him then grinned. "Yeah, I'll ask her. Pretty sure she does."

Izumo nodded. "Okay, see if she'll make them. I need to eat."

"If she won't, I will," Kotetsu said.

"Oh dear God, no. I want them edible," Izumo smirked.

Kotetsu laughed and Izumo chuckled with him, a rusty sound. Zumo swallowed around the lump again, but the chuckle felt good. He fought the thought that said he shouldn't be feeling good. He knew there was a name for that, had forgotten it. But he knew that it wasn't right to feel that way. Tetsu leaned forward and dropped a kiss on Izumo's head. "Get cleaned up. We'll have pancakes somehow."

He felt even better after his shower. He'd washed his hair three times and scrubbed every inch of his body twice. His skin was raw but he was starting to almost feel good.

He paused in front of the mirror and stared at himself, again. He didn't look much different except maybe in his eyes. They seemed more� well, a little less lost. He headed back into his room and was a little annoyed to discover he had to tie the string on his sweats a lot tighter than he'd expected to.

He picked up the framed picture of Hayate that was sitting on top of his chest of drawers. "I'm probably certifiable for talking to you like this," he said, giving a half chuckle. "But� well� I've� kind of screwed up for the last couple of months. Maybe it was understandable and maybe it wasn't. Tetsu says it is. I don't know, but� I can't do it anymore." He paused to run his fingers over the glass. "I miss you," he whispered. "No, that's not right." He stopped. "I haven't quite gotten there, yet. I'm still accepting that you're gone. But I've hurt others with the way I've been and I need to change that. I'm going to miss you, and I guess I really do already some. God�"He paused again to try to gather himself together. "Anyway, I can't hide anymore..." He trailed off, not sure what else he wanted to say. He shook his head at no one in particular. Then he kissed the picture and set it carefully back on the top of the chest, staring at it for another moment before he left the room.

As he was heading for the kitchen, there was a knock on the door. Kotetsu waved on his way by. "I'll get it."

But Izumo stopped him, holding a hand up. "No. I� I will." He took a deep breath, tossed a weak smile at Tetsu and turned toward the front door. One more fortifying inhale and he twisted the knob, pulling it back.

And stopped when he saw who was on the other side. He had to force himself to remember how to breathe, how to think. Hayate's brother, Ichirou, was a slightly taller, older version of his� late lover. Ichirou wore a similar leather jacket, even in May like Hayate used to wear. The jeans had always been a bit more battered, shoes the same sneakers that were worn in the garage and, so, were always covered in grease, but the t-shirt, which boasted a picture of Mario and Luigi, was clean.

"I�" Izumo had to clear his throat. "Ichirou."

"Hi, Izumo. How� how are you?" He asked, frowning.

Izumo took a deep breath. "Awake," he answered and a look crossed Ichirou's eyes that made Izumo think Hayate's brother might have understood.

Ichirou nodded. "I came by now because I thought you might not be here. I'd intended to leave something with your mom, so you wouldn't� have to see me." He finished, his voice dropping.

Izumo swallowed, fought a new set of tears then forced himself to breathe again. When he had control, he said, "It's� okay. Can I help you with something?"

"Izumo?" Mrs. Kamizuki asked, approaching the door.

Her appearance reminded Izumo that they were standing in the doorway. "OH, I'm sorry, Ichirou, please, come in." Izumo shook his head at himself then stepped back and looked toward his mom. She had a flour spot on her forehead and it made him smile. "You, um�" he started and reached forward to wipe it off.

His mom stared at him a moment and he saw her eyes brighten. "Um, hello Ichirou. If� you'll excuse me, I'm, um, cooking," she said and spun on her heel and hurried back to the kitchen. Izumo watched her take off, another spike of regret going through him. He shoved it aside to turn to the other man.

Hayate's brother stepped through the door and looked uncomfortably from Izumo to the spot where Zumo's mother had just been. "Um�" He paused as if trying to remember why he was there. "Oh, right." He said, blushing, undoubtedly at his momentary lapse then dug something out of his pocket and held it out.

Izumo stared at it a moment, not comprehending. He looked from the item dangling from Ichirou's hand up to his face and back to the large ring hanging from one finger. There was a key on it. "Um� I-Ichirou?"

"Hayate's Jeep. I fixed it up and thought you� thought it might be good for you to have it." Izumo couldn't decipher the look on Ichirou's face, so he gave up, knowing that he wasn't in a very good state of mind, anyway, to try to help or really talk to the other man.

Izumo swallowed and slowly extended his hand toward the key. He wrapped numb fingers around it and Ichirou let go. His eyes fell to his palm and stared for a moment at the piece of metal. "The Jeep?" He asked.

"Yeah, I� figure it� it might, I don't know� just� thought you should have it." He finished and shifted his weight from foot to foot.

Izumo looked up at Ichirou again. "Um, I don't know what to say."

The taller man shrugged one shoulder. "Don't need to say anything. Just� take care of it."

Izumo nodded, feeling like his head was disconnected from his body. "Um�"

"We can worry about the paperwork and stuff later, if you want," Ichirou offered.

Izumo nodded again, feeling like he was suddenly moving on automatic somehow. "Th�" he had to clear his throat again. "Thank you." He looked up and his eyes traced the face in front of him, studying it carefully. He could see the slight differences as he took in each of the features. Ichirou's nose was a little longer, a little wider. His face was slightly rounder, his eyes a little bigger. It wasn't Hayate. It was Ichirou.

"I� thank you," he said again, his eyes darting out the door. Parked in the same spot it usually was, on the street at the end of the sidewalk, was the blue Jeep. Behind that was Mrs. Gekkou's Honda, still running, the woman in question behind the wheel, undoubtedly waiting for Ichirou.

"You're welcome. I hope it� comforts." Ichirou said, his voice low. "Take care, Izumo. I'll� call you later about the paperwork."

Izumo nodded. "Okay. Thank you. Um� how are you?" He asked and Ichirou started a little in surprise, but he smiled, a small one that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Getting there," he answered and Izumo nodded.

"Yeah. Take care," Izumo said and Ichirou left.

He turned toward the kitchen and Kotetsu was standing at the end of the short hall, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Izumo held out the key, still in a bit of shock. "Hay� the� jeep."

Kotetsu stood up and nodded, walking to Izumo. He put one arm around his friend and closed Izumo's hand around the key. "Do you still want pancakes?" He asked, quietly.

Izumo closed his eyes for a brief moment, willing the tears back. He squeezed his hand around the key, letting the sharp edge bite into his palm. The slight physical pain brought him back and he opened his eyes again. "Yes, I do." He gave Tetsu a watery smile. "I'm hungry."

Kotetsu nodded then his lips spread in his own smile. "Good."

When they got into the kitchen, the table was set with the good plates, glasses and silverware, and their mom was setting a big platter of pancakes on the table. A large jug of orange juice and a carafe of coffee were already in place. "Hi, baby," she said, wrapping Izumo into her arms.

"Hi Mom," he managed around her shoulder. He closed his eyes and just accepted the hug for a moment, then swallowed the latest bout of shame for putting her through the shit he did. "Mom?"

She pulled back and he looked up. "What, baby?" She asked, running a hand down his face. She brushed the bangs back again as he worked to be able to speak.

"I'm� I'm sorry," he started, but she shook her head.

"Nope. You don't need to apologize. If� you want to make me happy, let me see you put away a chunk of those pancakes." She squeezed him quickly and let go, taking her seat.

Izumo smiled, and it hurt a little - physically as much as emotionally - since he hadn't really done it in a while, but it felt good, too. He got another slight pang that maybe he shouldn't, but he was getting better at pushing those pangs aside with each jab. He settled in at the table and forked half a dozen of the disks onto his plate, smeared butter on them and dumped syrup over top.

He didn't even notice the other two watching him until he'd stuffed the first bite into his mouth. "What?" He asked, his mouth full then blushed, his eyes going from one to the other. Both his mom and Tetsu laughed. He forced himself to finish chewing and swallowed. "What?" He asked again.

"Nothing," his mom answered, a grin spreading across her face.

"Bet I can eat more pancakes than you can," Kotetsu said in lieu of an answer.

Izumo knew what he was doing and was grateful. "Ha. I'll take that bet. Winner gets to drive the Jeep first." He swallowed around his perpetual lump at the thought of the blue vehicle outside, forced air into his lungs despite the tight chest then stretched his face into a fuller smile.

Tetsu started at the prize, but his smile grew, too. "You're on."
- 11
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Firsts	By : djserani Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1305 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto! I make no money off of this!

Firsts