Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Searching for Something	By : jellybelle21 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1063 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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As soon as Neji returned to Konoha, he wished he had never left the Sand. He found to his surprise that he had missed his friends and family, and that he did take a certain pleasure in seeing them again. He had affection for his home, as well, and it was good to see that Konoha and its people were well. However, he still found that his thoughts were centered on Gaara. This allayed any concern that his feelings had been an effect of being with only Gaara almost every day for a month, but it did not make him happy to know that even if the exchange program became a reality, it could be months before all the details were settled between the two villages, and even then, it would take more time to go through the motions of applying so that he could return to Gaara.

He felt sure that everyone would see that his mood was poor, and he tried to keep his anxiety and irritation to himself, but surprisingly enough, no one seemed to think anything about him was strange at first. After he had been back for a few weeks, however, Naruto approached him.

“Hey! Hey Neji!” as with most things, Naruto wasn’t one for subtleties in this instance either. He ran right up to Neji in the middle of the village. “Hey, can we talk?”

“About what?” he asked, trying to seem casual and not like he was avoiding any sort of prying into his personal life at the moment. He didn’t really think that Naruto wanted to hear about his troubles. Although it might make him happy to hear that Neji had been forever cured of his urge to ambush Sasuke and molest him.

“Oh, you know,” Naruto laughed in that carefree way he had, which Neji was quite sure was calculated to make him think that Naruto was up to nothing at all. Unfortunately, he really had no good way of escaping something as tenacious as Naruto in Loyal Concerned Friend Mode. “Just things.”

“Okay.” Neji had extreme misgivings about talking to Naruto. He could tell from the way that the blonde was looking at him that this was going to have something to do with his attitude or how he’d treated Tenten or what he’d been doing for a month or something else tied in to topics he was trying to keep to himself at that time. He still let Naruto lead him back to the Uchiha compound, talking boisterously the whole way about how they could have tea and catch up, since they hadn’t spoken alone in ages, which was true.

Naruto brewed the tea quickly, talking cheerfully about how Sasuke had tricked him into drinking it all the time by brewing it constantly. Neji wasn’t surprised that Sasuke drank tea a lot, it was something the dark-haired man would probably sit around doing while planning his vengeance and looking mysterious. And now that all that was over, he was still drinking it because he liked how cool it made him seem. Neji endured all of this chatter until they were sitting together, Naruto looking as disarming as possible, and Neji feeling as though he needed to prepare for a surprise attack. Any minute now…

“So you’ve been different lately, right?” Naruto finally finished talking about nothing, and moved on to what Neji presumed was the point.

“I don’t know what you mean.” He responded solidly.

“Well, you broke up with Tenten,” Naruto reminded him, “and then you went away for a month, and when you come back…you’re just kind of different.”

“I’m still…upset about Tenten.” He invented wildly, glad that Naruto had given him the idea by mentioning it.

“Yeah, okay,” Naruto sighed heavily. “Look, Neji, I know you’re gay.”

“You know I—what?” Neji affected his best look of innocent disbelief, which clearly didn’t fool Naruto for a second.

“Sasuke told me. That party, when we said you should get together with her, and then afterwards, Sasuke mentioned that wouldn’t possibly work, since you were gay and had a massive obsession with him.” Naruto said this all in the tone of someone not at all worried about the clearly far more elegant Hyuuga stealing his boyfriend away. “So then when you two started dating, I figured you were just like me, you know. You like both. Because I told Sasuke just because someone likes him doesn’t mean they can’t like girls too! I liked Sakura for years, after all.”

“Um.” Neji really did not know how to respond to this.

“But Sasuke said he didn’t really think you were into the relationship, and that you were just putting it on, and at first I didn’t really think you would do something like that, but then I started to notice…you know, things didn’t really seem that good between you two.” Naruto continued. “She seemed really excited about everything, and really happy, but she started to get a little depressed, and I started to think that Sasuke was right. And then you went away after that was over, and I really thought that when you came back it would be really awkward for you to be around her, and that you’d be really closed off like usual, but worse. But you seem…happier. Something happened while you were gone, didn’t it?”

“I seem…happier?” Neji was not expecting that. Had he been smiling or something? He really couldn’t recall…

“You do!” Naruto insisted. “And I think that you’re in love. That’s really the only thing I could think of to make you like this.”

“I’m not happy!” Neji countered, thoroughly annoyed.

“Yes you are!” Naruto nodded sharply. “I saw you in the street, and this kid accidentally kicked their ball and it hit you, and instead of you destroying the ball or throwing it really far away and making them cry, you just handed it back! And then Tenten said you’ve been really nice to her, like you’re totally over what happened, but sorry that you hurt her feelings, which makes sense I think. And Lee said that you told him he was getting much stronger the other day.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m happy.” Neji grumbled. He had not thought of any of these things as being odd or making people think he was acting overly happy. He had been concerned with people seeing how depressed he was to have to be away from Gaara. And they thought he was happy? It didn’t make any sense.

“But you are! Even the way you look at people.” Naruto pointed at him insistently. “Your eyes are more like Hinata’s now. They’re a lot kinder and happier, even if you still barely ever smile or anything. We’re your friends, we can still tell the difference.”

“I’m not happy!” Neji stood up in anger. “I’m miserable! I want to go back!” He realized what he was saying and immediately stopped himself from going any further, but Naruto, as was his fashion, paid perfect attention only when you did not want him to.

“Go back…to who?” Naruto tilted his head to one side, and Neji could see he was trying to read him, and he refused to allow it. Just because Naruto got to know whatever Sasuke was thinking at all times didn’t mean he could get past Neji’s blocks and find out whatever he wanted to know, especially as it was really none of his business. He remained silent for several minutes, and was vaguely impressed that in this whole time, Naruto did not get distracted. “Fine, you don’t have to say. I’ll figure it out eventually if it’s really as serious as it seems. I just wanted to tell you that whatever happened between Sasuke and you, I don’t care, and it’s fine, and I’m really happy for you! Also, thanks for being nice to Tenten, it means a lot to her.”

“It really doesn’t bother you?” Neji hadn’t meant to admit that there had been anything between Sasuke and him, but it really seemed pointless hiding it from Naruto, who was certainly able to get any details he wanted at any time from his lover. “I mean, did he tell you—“

“That you kissed him?” Naruto asked and nodded. “Yep. He didn’t really go in to too much detail, but I think I know how you felt. You could see that the person you wanted was after someone else, and you were desperate to show them that you could make him happy. I used to always try to get Sakura’s attention, and I really thought that I would always be in love with her, but once I realized…well, my feelings for Sasuke are a lot stronger, even though in another way, I do love her. I know that Sasuke loves me, so I wouldn’t really care if half of Konoha was after him, which with the random girls that still follow him, is almost true anyway. And now that you’ve found someone you can be serious about, I bet you don’t really feel that way about Sasuke anymore, anyway, right?”

“N—no, not anymore.” He admitted. He couldn’t believe he was being so honest with Naruto, but as he had feared, it was very hard not to want to share with him. He invited confidences in other people, and if Neji were honest with himself, he would see that he missed Gaara desperately and wanted to be able to talk to someone about it.

“More tea?” Naruto ran over to the still fresh pot and brought it over to the table, pouring more for them both. “So, did you hear that Gaara’s coming to town next week?”

“What?” Neji tried to play his surprise off as confusion over the subject change. “I mean…what do I care about that?”

“Ha!” Naruto set the pot down and jabbed his fist in the air in victory. “I knew it! Kiba said that you smelled like you’d been in the desert when you came back, and when all of these things started happening, I thought…who do you know in the Sand who you might have started something with?”

“I…I…” Neji didn’t know what to say, but Naruto was too pleased with himself to be bothered by the stuttering genius.

“And I told Sasuke that either you liked girls after all and it was Temari, or that it was Kankurou or Gaara.” He turned a level look on Neji, and it struck the Hyuuga that Naruto looking worldly was vaguely scary. “And honestly, if I had to pick one of those three, it would be Gaara. I mean, have you seen him…well, yes, of course you have, obviously. Anyway, so I bet Sasuke that you were having a secret love affair with Gaara, and he thought I was wrong, and I’m not. Right?” There was a silence, and Naruto shrugged, blowing on his tea. “Don’t try denying it. When I said his name, you blushed.”

“I never did.” Neji felt that was an attack on his dignity, and could not let it pass. “I would never blush.”

“Okay, sure.” Naruto rolled his eyes. “You and Sasuke…it’s a good thing that never panned out, you’d both just sit around and act stuffy and full of yourselves all day, and nothing fun would ever happen. Although I would like to know how you and Gaara got together, if you want to talk about it.”

“I…you can’t just assume I’m…” Neji was furious with himself. He had gone into this knowing Naruto would be after information, and knowing he would need to be on his guard, but he completely failed. Naruto had outwitted him. This seemed the ultimate defeat to him. “It’s supposed to be a secret.”

“I know, otherwise you would have told us.” Naruto told him, shrugging. “Will your uncle be angry if he finds out?” It struck Neji at once that it was silly keeping this to himself, not feeling comfortable telling any of his friends about it. They were his friends. He knew they wouldn’t care if he was in love with another man, especially not Naruto or Sasuke. But he was so used to bottling up his problems and hoping they would either go away or resolve themselves, he had immediately decided to keep this to himself as well. But seeing the way Naruto looked at him then, with sympathy and concern…if anyone could understand what he was going through, being separated from the one he loved, fearing disapproval from the people he cared about, it was Naruto.

“I don’t know.” He shook his head and stared at his tea. “I don’t know what will happen between us. If he’s coming to Konoha, it’s probably because the council there approved the idea of starting an exchange between the villages so that I would have a reason to live there for a while without having to tell my family about that. If our council approves it as well, it will mean I get to spend a year there. If we’re still together after that…I’ll have to tell my uncle why I want to stay with Gaara. I know I can’t keep it secret forever, but…I don’t really want to be disowned, and I’m afraid that will happen.”

“If he does that, if he makes you choose, do you know what you’ll do?” Naruto wanted to know. “Or are you going to use the year to figure that out?”

“I love Gaara.” He answered, and realized with a weird feeling that he had never said this directly to anyone but the Kazekage himself. “I understand that might mean I have to sacrifice things to stay with him, and I’m prepared for that.”

“Then why don’t you just get it over with now?” Naruto wanted to know. “You know you love him, and you want to stay with him, even if your family disowns you. It seems stupid to waste time like this. Why don’t you just tell your family how you feel and go back to him?”

“What if they don’t disown me?” Neji voiced his private fear. “What if they keep me here, refusing to allow the council to give me permission to leave Konoha…I’m a ninja, and ninja from elite families are sometimes…we’re like objects that are owned, we can’t just choose how we want to live without any consequences. I don’t want to start a war over this.”

“Your uncle is powerful, but he isn’t that powerful. He can’t start a war over whether or not you can be in love with another man.” Naruto laughed, and Neji realized that it all seemed much easier when he spoke to the blonde. “Maybe if like every big family didn’t want to let you go, and really didn’t care that it would really piss the Kazekage off. I mean, Gaara’s the leader of the Sand. I don’t think they’ll think it’s a great idea to tell him that he can’t have you, especially since we’re allies. It doesn’t make sense. If one of you were a girl, there’d be no excuse, and no real trouble. If the issue is that you’re gay, I can tell you that while there are people that don’t like that, Tsunade is completely okay with it, and so is most of the council. If your uncle isn’t, that’s his problem. You can live your own life. Don’t let him make you believe that you can’t control your own destiny. You can.”

“You’re right.” Neji spoke again after a long time and pursed his lips slightly. He should have just come to Naruto in the first place to talk about these things. He was able to clear away all the cobwebs and simplify Neji’s problems and choices in a way that was frankly amazing. “You make everything seem much easier.”

“It is much easier than you’re trying to make it.” Naruto insisted with a smile. “You’re in love! Nothing should be more important than that, but you’re getting caught up in other things, and that’s just stupid. Sasuke was the same way at first.”

“What, did you just sit him down like this and explain it?” Neji couldn’t help smiling as well, and Naruto flushed, blushing deeply.

“Well…something like that.” The blonde answered. “He started it, though.” He laughed and scratched the back of his head. “He kind of…well, he just jumped me, you know? I didn’t know what was going on, and I was actually sort of scared about it. I didn’t know what he was trying to do…I mean, I thought it was like a trick or something. But then I started to see that in his idiot Sasuke way, he was trying to tell me how he felt, and when I thought about it later…I realized I felt the same things, and I told him that we should be together.”

“I kissed Gaara at that party.” Neji admitted, feeling like such a private story deserved something in return. “I didn’t know what I was thinking, or what I was after. Back then…my head was messed up. I knew I wanted something, and I thought it was Sasuke, but I knew that I couldn’t have that. It turns out it was a lot easier, after all, like you say.”

“Most people aren’t meant to be alone.” Naruto assured him. Neji nodded and sipped his tea. It turned out that Naruto knew more about these things than even Neji had suspected. Now if he could just wait until next week, he’d be able to be with Gaara again. With his support, he could talk to his uncle, talk to Tsunade, and if he was lucky, Naruto would be right, and they’d let him go after all.

Happiness was within his grasp.

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To be continued…
- 11
- 12
- 13
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