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Hidden Heartache	By : shiinechan Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 2058 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Disclaimer: Naruto
doesn�t belong to me and I will be making no money
from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.
Pairings: SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others
Warnings: Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto�s POV
Thanks to mystiewolf for the great and fast beta read.
�

Hidden Heartache
Chapter 12

As the weeks past, it got harder and harder to move.
My body rebelled against any type of physical exertion. My back ached, my
ankles swelled, and my feet hurt. I started to admire and appreciate women for
their endurance and strength through pregnancy. It�s been almost four and a
half months since I�d arrived here, and during that time, my stomach kept
getting bigger and bigger, making my life more uncomfortable by the day.

Each day I wrote in the black notebook Takafumi gave
me. Written in my less than elegant handwriting, I recorded milestones, major
moments and events. A knock at the door drew my attention back to the here and
now. �Come in,� I called, putting the pen down and closing the book.

�How are you this morning?� Takafumi asked as he
entered.

I scowled. He asked the same question every morning,
but for the last month, it really started to irritate me. �I want to do things.
Maybe start cooking again.� I said.

�That�s not a good idea,� he responded and I rolled my
eyes. �It�s important for you to rest. The baby�s developing beautifully, but
after the cramping, well, it�s best that you relax and stay off your feet as
much as possible until the baby�s born.�

�Everything�s fine.� I said and thought back to the
incident that took place almost a month ago. At the time, I was in the kitchen
practicing my cooking skills, which was an unusual hobby for me. However, being
a parent would mean a completely different life style.� Even though ramen three times a day was
perfectly fine for me, my baby needed more. I decided to eat healthier and set
an example, but I had a lot to learn. During the night, I read health books and
cookbooks, and during the day, I practiced my culinary skills. It was early in
the morning when the light cramps started, but I ignored the pain. When I tried
to move a large pot full of water to the stove, a sharp pain hit and I could
barely breathe or move. The pot was too heavy and I shouldn�t have tried
lifting it. I screamed out and Takafumi came running. The rest is a blur. I
didn�t pass out immediately but it didn�t seem real while it was happening. The
next thing I remember was waking up. It was dark out and Gaara and Temari stood
by my bedside. At first, I thought I�d lost the baby and an enormous terror
swept through me, somehow over my hysteria the voices managed to reassure me.
Well, since then I�ve been under doctor�s orders to �take it easy.� I remain
sitting or in bed most of the time, and needless to say, I�ve been bored out of
my mind, but when I reminded myself it�s for the baby, then everything becomes
ok. It�s amazing how someone can be so dependant on me. Each kick gives me a
wonderful sensation. And on that horrible night, the thought of losing my baby
made me realize that no one is more important or precious as the small life
inside of me.

�Naruto,� the priest said bringing me back to our
conversation, but a knock at the door interrupted him. Our breakfast cart
arrived. We still ate together. When I had first started cooking, we ate what I
made. Surprisingly the priest never refused any of my dishes even though some
made me nauseous. Even Gaara ate my cooking during his visits, but Temari and
Shikamaru won�t make the effort. They always refused my home cooking, muttering
something about wanting to live another day. While the stuff might make you
sick, it wasn�t going to kill you. I pointed that out but they didn�t care.

Even with Gaara, Temari, and Shikamaru�s visits, it
was still lonely. The others in the temple were pleasant but they didn�t accept
my presence. The heavy tension sometimes makes living here uncomfortable. I
still don�t know what happened in the past, but everyone here blames Takafumi.
It seems that Takafumi headed the temple but made a decision that destroyed
everything they worked for or believed in, or that�s what I pieced together
from our conversations, but he never mentioned what happened to cause the rift
between him and everyone else. The man is a kind, wonderful person but the
inhabitants of the village detest him, and I still can�t figure out why.

��How about a
short walk around the compound after breakfast?� Takafumi asked while finishing
his eggs.

My eyes widened. Thankfully, I wasn�t bedridden, but I
was forbidden from climbing the stairs, which left me only one floor of the
compound to move around in, so going outside would give me the space I craved.
�Really?� I asked still not believing my luck. He nodded back and I smiled.

It was a beautiful, sunny day. Takafumi directed us
towards his special flowers at the back of the compound. �This little flower
will help create a miracle,� he said. Takafumi spent most of his time making
medicines from plants. He didn�t grow the plants. Two people in the compound
specialized at that. Takafumi�s expertise was medicine. He was the only medical
doctor living here. A high placed council member hired Takafumi to work on a
cure for his daughter. The girl suffered from a blood disorder. Takafumi wasn�t
the first doctor asked to treat the child, but he was the most qualified, and
it was the council members financial contribution that helped keep the place up
to date and efficient.

I turned towards the approaching sounds to see Temari
and Gaara walking in our direction. They both visited often. Temari bought me
prenatal and parenting books. She was concerned about my lack of child rearing
experience and even purchased a doll for me to practice with. Well, thankfully,
my child will be more durable then the flimsy thing that burst into flames far
too easily. In my defense, a real baby would start to cry before the fire
completely engulfed it. Needless to say, the doll was unsalvageable, and she
declared I was hopeless when it came to parenting.

Gaara visited every other day. I knew he would come
but never at what time. Sometimes he stopped by early in the morning and
sometimes he would stop by late at night. If I was sleeping, he never woke me.
He would leave a note and a little something. In the beginning, it was food, a
flower and a couple of cookbooks. Now he leaves things for the baby: a
pacifier, a blanket, a teddy bear, and clothes. Nothing too big because this
situation couldn�t be permanent, and eventually, I would have to leave.

�Naruto,� Gaara said as he approached us.

�Hi,� I said, but before we could continue our
conversation, a guard approached. I recognized him as the temple�s primary
guard. He walked towards Takafumi and handed him a note before returning to his
post.

�What�s going on,� Gaara asked after the priest
finished reading the letter.

�This isn�t good,� he said and handed the note to the
Kazekage.

Gaara read it over. I could tell by his expression
that he wasn�t pleased. �You can�t leave now,� he said and crumpled the note
up.

Instantly, I knew the note was from the council
member. During my stay here, Takafumi was called away every now and then. He
usually left for a day, but he hadn�t left since the complications with my
pregnancy.� However, if there was an
emergency, he had to go. Normally there would be no question, but he was
hesitating because of me. �If your patient needs you, you have to go. Don�t
worry about me. I�ll be fine,� I said trying to reassure him.

Gaara didn�t look happy. He ignored my comments and
addressed Takafumi. �I�ll arrange to send another doctor.�

�You can�t do that,� I said. Since I�d arrived,
Takafumi always put me first. His job as a doctor gave his life purpose and he
worked so hard to cure his only patient. I wouldn�t allow him to give that up
for me.

�Naruto�s right, Gaara. Takafumi�s reputation isn�t
the best, and if he doesn�t go, people will start to ask questions,� Temari
said.� She turned her attention toward
Takafumi, �How long will you be gone?� she asked.

�It appears my patent has a high fever and with her
disorder it could be deadly. I�d have to stay until she is stable, so about a
week but I can�t be certain,� he said.

Takafumi looked torn. He didn�t know what to do, so I
tried to help. �You have to go. I won�t over do it. For the last month, I�ve
been fine and I still have four weeks to go until the baby�s born, so you�ll be
back in plenty of time.� I only wished I believed those words. Inside I was
panicking, if something happened I�d be alone. The people in the temple
couldn�t help and I wasn�t sure if they would help me if they could. I hated
being here without Takafumi, and in the past, he was never gone for more than
two days. A week was too long but I didn�t say that. Now wasn�t the time to be
selfish.

�You have to fulfill your previous commitment. Your
patient needs you,� Gaara said and I nodded.

Takafumi agreed. He looked worried, but he excused
himself and went to get his stuff.

�Are you sure you�re going to be ok,� Temari said. I
smiled and nodded. �If something happens, what will you do?� she asked.

�I don�t know,� I said. I wrapped my arms around
myself. The confidence that I displayed earlier was gone. �Nothing�s going to
happen, so I don�t have to worry about that,� I said more to convince myself
than them.

Temari examined my discomfort and looked towards Gaara
raising an eyebrow. A silent conversation happened between them and it annoyed
me. I started to turn away and walk back. After all, I wasn�t supposed to be
over doing it.

�I have an idea,� Temari said. �How about I stay here
until the priest returns?�

I forced myself to think about her offer instead of
eagerly agreeing, but before I could accept, Gaara spoke. �You can�t stay here
and ignore your other obligations.�

I couldn�t hide the disappointment. It took a couple
of seconds to push those feelings away. �It�s ok guys. I�ll be fine. This place
is filled with people and I�ll take it easy.�

Gaara stared at me and he saw the anxiety. �You need
to remain calm,� he said. He looked at Temari, �You can�t stay you�re
organizing the festival and starting tomorrow other people will be arriving.�

�What festival?� I asked.

�I didn�t want to mention it because it might make you
nervous and upset,� Gaara said and I smiled. He was always looking out for me.
�Our villages will be celebrating the anniversary of our treaty. This village
will be hosting a festival and Temari�s the head organizer.�

I realized she couldn�t stay even if she wanted to,
and I accepted that I�d have to stay alone for the week until Takafumi returned.
�It sounds like a big festival,� I said, trying to change the subject and then
I thought about what that meant. A lot of people from Konoha would attend and
that�s why Gaara was worried about me.

��Don�t change
the subject,� Gaara said. �And yes a lot of people from your village will be
here but don�t worry about that because no one will come to this place,� he
said trying to reassure me.

I looked down. It�s amazing how well he could read
me.� �I don�t want you to worry about me.
You�ve let me stay and you have protected me. I can handle being alone for a
week.�

He walked towards me and placed his hand on my neck,
�Then why are you so tense?� he asked.

He was checking my blood pressure. I thought about
stepping back but decided it would make him more concerned. �I�m a little
nervous but it�s going to be ok.� My voice was a little hesitant and I knew
Gaara noticed it but he continued to listen to me. �I want you to trust me. I
know what I can handle and I will take it easy.�

�Of course,� he responded. He started to form an
object with sand. I watched amazed by his technique. It seemed so natural and
easy for him to do. The object looked like his eye. I looked at him, confused
by his actions.

�This is my third eye. It will follow you around, and
if you need help, I will know immediately, so you don�t have to worry because
you won�t be alone.�

I was touched. He knew what I needed. Yes I wouldn�t
be able to talk to anyone but that was ok. My main concern was that I would
need help and no one would be there, but now Gaara would always be with me. I
wanted to cry but over the last few months, I learned to control these
emotional outbursts. �Thank you,� I said.

The next three days were uneventful. I spent most of
the time reading parenting books. I could recite every milestone of a baby�s
first year. I looked and studied diagrams on changing diapers, bathing, and
holding a baby properly. I still longed for company and tried to start a
conversation with the person who brought the food tray and failed. His yes or
no answers were less than enticing and I couldn�t get him to say anything else.
I was almost desperate enough to talk to him anyway but decided against it. In
the end, I talked to the baby. I told it stories, but I never mentioned Sasuke.
I thought about him but never said his name aloud. After settling here, I
started to feel guilty for keeping him away. It was his child too. Even if he
hated me for what happened, he still had a right to know, but that opinion
changed during one of Shikamaru�s visits.

Shikamaru only visited a few times, bringing Konoha
news with him. I never asked about Sasuke, but Shikamaru knew what I wanted to
know, and he didn�t disappoint me. Shikamaru told me about the missions Sasuke
went on and that he was still looking for me. He often visited the sand
village, but there was one thing Shikamaru never mentioned, so I asked. �When
is Sasuke getting married?��

Shikamaru looked shocked. �Never,� he said with
finality in his tone.

�Isn�t he engaged?� I asked. Sasuke didn�t cave to the
councils demand at first, but it was only a matter of time before he did. After
all, he needed an heir too.

�Where do you get your ideas from?� Shikamaru asked.

I thought about Shikamaru�s question. I told myself
that Sasuke was out of reach. He would be starting a life with someone else.
But judging from Shikamaru�s reaction, my assumption was wrong. �He�s not
engaged.� I said.

�Of course not,� Shikamaru responded. �He�s not
interested in marriage. Did you really think he would back down to the
council?� he asked.�

Shikamaru had never asked about my relationship with
Sasuke, but eventually I�d told him everything anyway.
He knew as much as Gaara did. �Yes I do. He wants to revive his clan. It�s his
dream, so eventually he needs to get married. It�s only a matter of time,� I
said.

�Sasuke told the council he would never get married
and demanded for them to back off,� Shikamaru said.

I was surprised that he wasn�t giving in, but if
Sasuke had said something like that, why didn�t Shikamaru tell me before. �What
about children? He wants to revive his clan.� Shikamaru started to look
uncomfortable. �What aren�t you telling me?� I asked.

�Nothing.� He said a little too quickly.

�Shikamaru tell me.� I demanded

He thought about it. �I guess you should know. Sasuke
told the council that there would never be an heir and the Uchiha clan will die
with him. He also said it was for the best,� Shikamaru paused, �He might not
have meant it. There were people pushing him and he wanted to be left alone.�

I touched my stomach. Sasuke wouldn�t have said
something like that without meaning it. From that point on, I no longer felt
guilty about keeping his child from him. After all, he didn�t want children and
wished for the end of his own clan.

That conversation played in my mind every night. In
the beginning, when I first started dreaming about being with Sasuke, I told
myself it would never be because I couldn�t give him what he needed. Then when
I found out that I could make his dream come true, I ran away. I did it for the
baby, but I was still being a coward and felt guilty, but when I heard, he said
he didn�t want a child that was devastating.

�Naruto,� Shikamaru�s voice called out from behind my
closed door.

I opened the door and Temari and Shikamaru were
standing outside. �Come in,� I said, inviting them in. The bedroom was large
with a table by the window. I was relieved to have company but slightly
embarrassed by the mess. �Sorry it�s a little messy in here. We can sit in the
dinning area,� I said.

�No here�s fine. Besides it�s not the first time I�ve
visited and last time this place was worse,� Shikamaru said.

I pouted at his comment even though it was true. �What are you doing here?� I
asked. I wasn�t expecting company especially with the celebration going on.

�Visiting you,� he responded.

�No, I mean what are you doing in the village? Are you
here for the festival?� I asked.

�Yeah, I arrived with the Hokage this morning,� he
said.

�Tsunade is here,� I said more to myself than to them.

�Yes and that�s one of the reasons I wanted to talk to
you,� he said and then looked behind me at Gaara�s third eye, as if he was
concerned about the Kazekage�s presence.

I started to feel uncomfortable. Shikamaru said he
would keep my secret until the baby�s born or if he decided to tell someone he
would speak to me first. �What does Tsunade have to do with your visit?� I
asked. My body started to tense. Maybe she already knew, I thought.

�She doesn�t know anything,� Temari said, trying to
reassure me.

�No she doesn�t, but this is a great opportunity for
you. You haven�t made any long range plans. It�s not too late. You can talk to
Tsunade� Shikamaru said.

�Yes I have made plans. I know what I�m going to do,�
I said. It wasn�t the truth but I kept going. �I know I can�t stay here
forever, so after the baby�s born, I�ll leave here and head north. When I get
far enough away, I will start to build a new life for us.�

�Is that really fair,� Shikamaru asked.

�What do you mean fair?� I asked back.

�Fair to you, the baby, your friends, and Sasuke,� he
said.

I couldn�t help it. I started to become angry. �Sasuke
has nothing to do with this. It�s my baby and my choice.�

�The baby needs more than a life on the run and so do
you. Come back to Konoha. Talk to Tsunade while she�s here,� Shikamaru said.

�Will you tell her?� I asked. Tension started to fill
my body and I tried to relax. A slight pain started to form.

�I don�t know? That�s why I�m here to talk to you,�
Shikamaru said.

The pain started to increase. My body became more
stressed and anxious. Right now, I wasn�t capable of continuing this
discussion. �This conversation is over,� I said as a sharp pain caused me to
double over.

�Naruto,� Shikamaru and Temari said. The pain
continued to rip through me.

�Get a doctor,� Shikamaru ordered.

�Takafumi is the only doctor that lives here,� Temari
responded.

The pain was killing me. �Please do something,� I begged. Then I screamed. I
felt as though my insides were being ripped apart.

�Naruto it�s ok,� Shikamaru said trying to reassure
me, but I didn�t believe him. My vision started to blur and my mind slipped
into unconsciousness.

AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. The
next chapter will be out the first week in September and it will be from Shikamaru�s point of view. Remember feedback would be
great.
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Hidden Heartache