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Naruto Shit-On-You-Then: The Curse Evolves	By : c0p13r Category: Naruto > General Views: 33163 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Naruto' and I make no money off this fic

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
Shiky-chan is so goddamn…!
~~~
            Sasuke plots in his diabolical lair while Sakura continues to promise days of joy for the both of them. Their dynamic remains stale at best; all ‘I love, I love, I love’ and ‘I leave, I leave, I leave.’ But not now. Sakura can say ‘I love’ until she was blue in the butt, but Sasuke would not leave. For his Naru-chan, he would stay and fight. “That mother fucker,” he swears, punching the air. “We have to fight him. Choji! Go be the first wave! The others will accompany you soon!”
            “Yessir!” shouts Choji, and then wobbles out to find and fight his former friends.
            Sasuke continues to contemplate. Maybe it would be best to take some insurance. He may not have been much, but maybe even Boruto could afford him something in terms of advantage.
~~~
            ‘Avengers: Endgame’ reaches the credits, and Naruto, Kiba and Shikamaru sit in marvel… … at what a piece of shit movie that was. “Ten years? And they give us a crappy time-travel movie with no repercussions, loophole revivals, and a crappy ‘Return of the King’ battle sequence at the end?” Naruto takes the Blu-Ray and trashes it.
            “All these years, and Captain America whispers ‘assemble’?” Kiba scoffs. “Did the Russo brothers even think of how weird that’d sound to everyone? It was nothing more than a bunch of fanservice and fear of taking any serious direction to the movie franchise? Killing off main characters because their contracts are done doesn’t count as a definitive action! And why time-travel?! Why couldn’t Thanos have thrown the stones in the Infinity Well?!”
            “Marvel’s sucked since ‘Iron Man 3’; ‘Ragnarok’ was their all-time low. And now that we’re in a blinded rage!” Shikamaru puffs on a joint, shoots heroine in his veins, and snorts cocaine with his sphincter. “Let’s fuck up an Uchiha or two!”
            Already, Naruto slugs Sarada to the ground; she had just happened to be passing outside. “You’ll never be featured in any of copier’s stories, no matter how many times people request you! Believe it!”
            “But… but I’m so kawaii,” slurs the battered girl.
            “WHOA!! It’s me, you fuckers!” Choji charges on the scene, and the trio of heroes are fixed in a shocked position. “It’s time for me to make Sasy-chan proud, pound you guys into the floor, and then beat you up!” He punches his fists together. “Imma fork you good, Shiky-chan old pal!”
            At once, Naruto zips forward with a rapid succession of hand symbols. “Summoning Technique: Groundhog’s Day!” He smacks his summoning hand into Choji’s fat, and the fat tub stops in his tracks.
            “Wha-what did you…? Huh?” The feeling of unblocked constipation takes Choji unawares. His body bulges abruptly. Tilting his head back, wide eyes rolling up, a small squirt of blood spills over his puckered cheeks. His insides had burst, but before his death, his legs part and he squats just slightly, allowing his bowels to void themselves. And also voided was Orochimaru, falling from Choji’s anus like a coil of shit that lands in a pile beneath him… dead.
            Naruto snorts and stands up straight after having killed two adversaries simultaneously. “Orochimaru got what he always wanted: an inconsequential death that may as well have been off-screen for all the significance he lacked. Staring off into the distance, he exhales. “If Sasuke wants to fight, I’ll give him a fight! To Sasuke’s hideout!”
~~~Meanwhile, in a little bit at Sasuke’s hideout~~~
            Sasuke is gone, but Kabuto stayed back in preparation to fight Naruto. At once, Kabuto proves more of a challenge that Orochimaru ever would have, fighting Naruto to a standstill long enough to impart the story of his past, about how he got his glasses and a bunch of other incredibly boring things that made everything mysterious about him seem so redundant. So the bout continues for a while longer before Naruto remembers a strategy: turn into Kurama and squash him. And so, he becomes the giant fox and proceeds to stomp on the snake person.
            “I will not die!” Kabuto swears. “I will fulfill Orochi-sama-chan’s dream!”
            “Orochimaru’s dead already.”
            Kabuto, shocked by this revelation, screams. “NOOO!!!” SPLAT!!
            The battle is won, and Sasuke is another snake fag short of a full Sound Village. Returning to normal, Naruto is met by Shikamaru and Kiba, both of which having done a remarkable job at their task: ninja fight play-by-play. “You guys okay?” he asks.
            “You kidding?” Kiba tries to steady his panting breath. He swipes the sweat from his brow and gives a cheeky smirk with a thumbs-up. “It was a piece of cake.”
            “It was difficult,” Shikamaru admitted, “but we managed to explain to each other every attack you did.”
            Such play-by-play dialogue included: “Naruto used Rasengan from behind to try to beat Kabuto!” “Kabuto used a snake as a doppelganger to avoid being not alive!” “Fans went to Ryan Reynolds to help the situation with the Sony/Disney Spider-Man rift, yet he couldn’t even make a Wolverine/Deadpool movie happen!” “I bet a good majority of copier’s readers are high school students who are part of an unofficial anime club at school that takes place in a classroom after school with a teacher who probably will try to molest one such student!”
            Shikamaru lights his cigarette. “Now’s the time. Sasuke will have no choice but to come to us now if he wants to fuck us up. Let’s get ready for him!”
            The trio rushes back to Konoha and take refuge in the Hokage bunker. Konohamaru was already waiting there, just as Shikamaru planned. And just as he planned, he goes over the plan one more time to remind everyone how gooddamn smart he is. And not a moment too soon, for the entirety of the Hokage mansion is wiped out in an eruption of Amaterasu fury! With the area cleared, Naruto’s troop is free to stand dramatically while the enemy stands above the crater in naughty ambitiousness. Sasuke and his o-so-wonderful wang stand with the poise of Voldemort with Nagini hanging over his shoulders.
            “You killed my SasuGays,” he observes coolly.
            “That fatass had it coming since he first swore that he’d die from the Red Chili Pill,” Naruto shouted back, bringing up a fist. “All the vague ‘if I use THAT attack, I’ll die for sure’ bullshit that kept this manga alive.”
            “Enough chatter. I think it’s time we finally get to the brass tacks.” Sasuke leaps down the crater to where his enemies wait. A gust carries across the plain; Shikamaru cringes just slightly. There wasn’t supposed to be this much wind today, thinks he.
            “The plan could be in trouble,” he confesses his worry to Naruto.
            Naruto dismisses the concern with a snort. “Find a cock and suck on it, Shiky-chan. “We’re gonna fork some sense into this confused queermo once and for dattebayo, ya know?”
            Shikamaru quiets himself, trusting his Hokage with his life and penis.
            Sasuke faces Naruto directly, and a smirk takes him. Slowly, he moves into position; arms straightening and locking behind him, head bobbling back and forth, toes out-turned while his legs slowly kick. Naruto seethes at this taunt. “You’re going down, snake-then-hawk fucker!”
            “We’ll see about that.” Sasuke chuckles. “Now, Sakura-bitch!”
            “Hai, Sasy-chan-kun!!”
            “What the…?!”
            “Reinforcements!” Shikamaru exclaims as though no one else could figure it out. At the rim of the crater stands Sakura, who quickly falls on her ass and lifts her legs up in a V shape, revealing her lack of lower dressings. Naruto, of course, gulps. “Sa-Sakura-chan’s pussy-chan~”
            “Wind Style: Queef Bullet!” Sakura’s hole clenches before it makes a noxious noise almost like a flatulent sonic boom!
            The Narutards are quick to leap out of the way, but they have no idea what just happened! How could such devastation be left right where they were standing?!
            Laughing and prepped in anime fashion, Sasuke explains the method to this madness. “Sakura-bitch has the ability to strengthen her body with chakra! She’s also a wind type, maybe! By gathering the chakra in her quim, she discharges queefs in high-pressured bursts! And with how little – never – I fuck her, she has a whole lotta humorous gusts of wind echoing in that cave!”
            “Ugh, you foul fuck!” Naruto gags while Konohamaru doubles over and retches. Shikamaru has fallen to his knees, looking determinedly at Sakura.
            “This bitch… Like always, I never count on reinforcements, but I’m so goddamn smart!”
            Sakura moves her pussy turret and takes aim. “Up yours, you fags! Sasy-chan-kun will surely fork me when I kill you! Cha!” Loading up another lock of air, she prepares for her sticky discharge, until…
            “Yahoo!!” Kiba bursts out of the ground behind her, having tunneled out of sight with Tsuga! Rapture! The pink-haired bitch gasps as she is taken unawares. “copier Style: Marriage Life to the Dogs!” Making like a piece of shit thrown together at the last minute, Kiba pounces Sakura, gets access to her butthole with his wang, and rams home. He howls and Sakura yowls.
            Shikamaru smirks and wipes his sweaty brow. “Rape Jutsu is a success. Just like I planned.”
            “You planned that?! You’re so goddamn smart, Shiky-chan!” Konohamaru praises while Sakura screams in the distance.
            “I told Kiba to go underground and rape Sakura when he gets behind her. Luckily, I could count on him.”
            Naruto grins and says in his Japanese voice, “Nice, Shikamaru!”
            “We have to act fast, though! Kiba can fork Sakura for only as long as copier’s attention span lasts before he already shows interest in another story!”
            “You’re so goddamn smart,” gushes Konohamaru quietly.
            “Naruto, the vacuum of Sakura’s queef gun has put the wind speed in flux. You should get going now.” Shikamaru nods in affirmation. “Do what you have to do. So long as I have Kiba and Konohamaru by my side, I should be fine.”
            Naruto is about to say something, but the mood is interrupted as Sasuke pounces, landing on Naruto from behind. He wraps his hands around Naruto’s neck. “I’m gonna fork you, Naru-chan! Fork you until you forget about that butt-fucking Iruk-chan! You are the gayest main character…!” Sasuke pauses in his rebuke and looks down the ways a bit; there stand Natsu Dragoneel… … Natsu just stands there, doing nothing but staring at Sasuke; Sasuke stares back. The silence is palpable. Then Sasuke goes back to throttling Naruto. “You are one of the gayest main characters in manga history! What kind of homo transforms into a girl to justify rubbing up on guys?!”
            “You asexual freak! Who are you to condemn me when your sexual interests involve guys who transform into girls?!”
            “It’s Kishimoto’s fault! He openly admitted he’s not good with female characters and relationships!”
            “Then you should’ve just stayed asexual,” Naruto barks back. “Getting with Sakura-chan was a huge blow to your character and the story as a whole, because it made not a lick of sense! If Kishimoto wasn’t good at writing it, he shouldn’t have tried in the first place, especially after dropping heavy hints that Sakura was falling for me by Yamato’s own admission! It’s like copier writing a fic based on plot and character development!”
~~~Meanwhile, in front of the reviews of ‘Of Jinchuriki and Uzumaki’~~~
            copier fights back tears.
~~~Meanwhile, back at the fight~~~
            “It doesn’t matter,” Sasuke dismisses the inane rant. “Me getting with Sakura is as bad as you getting with that moron you call a wife. Don’t go back on your word, eh? But I guess you do settle!”
            “I won’t let you talk about Hinaya like that, believe it!” Naruto shouts in his wife’s honor, after having forgotten her name.
            “What can you do?! You’re already caught,” Sasuke brags.
            To this, Naruto smirks. “Ha! I’ve been watching my ass ever since Ero-Sennin made me wear a blonde wig to bed instead of a nightcap.” And with that, Naruto’s existence proved its falsehood; it was a Shadow Clone!
            Sasuke’s dumb eyes widen in shock. “Impossiblé!”
            Of course, Shikamaru is quick to show up to say “Trick You Jutsu is a success. We have a plan, Sasuke, and it doesn’t involve you raping Naruto. It would be troublesome.”
            “Heh. Doesn’t involve me raping Naruto, eh?” Sasuke picks himself up and puts up his dukes. “How about you?!” He comes at Shikamaru with a right straight; Shikamaru dodges to the side and says he planned for that attack; Konohamaru cries out to Shikamaru’s intelligence. Sasuke counters, doubling up with a left uppercut to Shikamaru’s gut. Extra padding – according to Shikamaru’s design – protects him.
            “You straight-up turd,” growls Sasuke.
            “You may have those eyes, but you are still arrogant!” Shikamaru closes his fists together, preparing for a jutsu. “I am calm and rational.”
            “And so goddamn smart!” Konohamaru adds like a schoolgirl. In no time, Kiba, having successfully raped Sakura into a stupor, concurs with Konohamaru, echoing with a “Yahoo!”
            A trade of blows occurs before Shikamaru catches the infallible Uchiha from behind, binding him with the Shadow Mimicry Jutsu. The light at his back, Sasuke trembles, looking ahead of him, seeing his captured shadow overlapping the hole in front of him; Kiba’s tunnel to rape.
            “You’re strong, Sasuke,” seethes Shikamaru. “But I’m still more smarter!”
            “So goddamn smart!”
            “Still much smarter,” Shikamaru amends, which catches Sasuke’s attention. Immediately, he smirks.
            “Shiky-chan,” he purrs. “You certainly have done some planning. But so have I. Konoha-chan!”
            After some confusion – wondering if he was calling the Village Konoha-chan – Konohamaru answers the call.
            “Before this battle, I took precautions, to save my precious bitches. One in particular.”
            Konohamaru looks confused, turning to Shikamaru for guidance. “Ignore this snake forker!” Shikamaru screams desperately, tightening his hold on Sasuke’s shadow. Kiba trembles in fear before screaming how smart Shikamaru is. Produced from his flak jacket, Shikamaru throws a shadow binding knife or something, strengthening the restriction of Sasuke’s movements.
            Sasuke, with a grimace, continues, for as long as his shadow stays in shape, he can still talk. “I took Boruto,” he reveals, shocking Konohamaru to the core. “He’s safe, tucked away in my basement, thinking that only I know where he is.”
            Konohamaru begins to breathe raggedly.
            “Do you know what his last words were before I locked him in with this key?” He produced the key with great difficulty, courtesy of Shikamaru’s jutsu. Konohamaru eyes the key like it would lead him to paradise. “They were ‘I hope Konohamaru never finds me. I never want him to touch me again.’ He said those words with such hope…” The wicked smile spreads like a serpent’s. “Konoha-chan.”
            In a flash, Konohamaru snatches the key and takes off. Alone, in the dark, Boruto would be found…
            “Shit!” Shikamaru crumbles. Desperately, he thinks up ways to ensure Sasuke’s capture. “Don’t let him get you, Kiba!”
            “Kiba!” Sasuke shouts next. “You’re such a stud! But I bet you can’t decide who you want to fork tonight!”
            Kiba, being the arrogant dunce that he is, scoffs. “Shows what you know! I know exactly who I want to bed!”
            “Kiba, no!”
            In unison, Kiba and Sasuke declare, “My mom!” But only one of them was quick enough to follow up with “Jinx!” And thus, Kiba was bound to the law of Jinx: unable to speak until he delivered a coke to Sasuke. But in this world, there was no coke… Kiba silently snaps his fingers in defeat.
            Shikamaru’s eyes waver. “Wha-what?”
            Sasuke chuckles as he rises, the possession failing in a quivering flash. He regards Shikamaru from over his shoulder. “Tell me, Shiky-chan… What would you have done if you didn’t get that sample of blood from Hidan? Or better yet, what if Hidan and Kakuzu had half a brain between them and hid Hidan’s heart within Kakuzu, thus granting both immortality? Or the Gold and Silver Brothers, if you hadn’t had those stupid jars and shit? Or even if Temari wasn’t a dumb bitch who gave you all the time in the world to plan against her? Shiky-chan, you’re only as smart as people say you are. But I took care of that, don’t you think?”
            Shikamaru, without Kiba or Konohamaru to shout out how smart he is, stumbles back in fear. Maybe, just maybe, raped Sakura could call him smart. But too late…
            “Perhaps this is a move you are familiar with.” When Sasuke turns around, it is revealed that his long John had traveled through the hole in the ground. “Chidori…”
            Shikamaru gasps, but has no way to dodge. Sasuke’s electrified wiener shoots down from the exit of the tunnel and pierces through Shikamaru’s gray matter. Shuddering and gurgling, he hangs onto the protruding peckerwood while a bit of his brain still dangles from the tip of Sasuke’s cock.
            “You’re so goddamn smart, Shiky-chan,” Sasuke professed, “but it looks like you got a whole lot of convenience in that brain of yours.”
~~~
… Dead.
For the title! Get it? ‘Shiky-chan is so goddamn dead!’ With the brains of the outfit gone and now dangling off the tip of Sasuke’s lovely cock intermixed with fat and thighs, how can Naruto win one-on-one against his Sasy-chan? But Naruto isn’t out of allies yet! There is still hope! But will it be enough?!
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- 12
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Naruto Shit-On-You-Then: The Curse Evolves