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Searching for Something	By : jellybelle21 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1063 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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“Harder,” Gaara’s voice barely trembled, but his eyes were swimming with lust as Neji pushed into him carefully. This was something he had done before with Tenten, but she had always been on all fours, so he didn’t have to see her face, and he was trying to make sure the angle was right, so he didn’t hurt Gaara. “Come on, do it harder.”

Neji shuddered at the words, at the plaintive tone, the feel of Gaara’s passage surrounding him, pulling him deeper, testing his control. He pulled back and went in harder, trying to angle it differently so he could hit that spot in Gaara that the other man had found in him when they’d first been together the day before. After he woke up, Gaara had seemed a bit scared and disoriented, but Neji had kissed him until the fear left his eyes for desire, and they had spent over an hour kissing and touching each other before Temari came to the door, annoyed and insistent that Gaara put his clothes on and attend the meeting he was half an hour late for already. Neji ate some food before falling asleep himself, and when he woke up, Gaara was there again, naked and straddling him, insistent that this time, Neji be on top.

“I want to feel you in me.”

Neji had not really known what to say, but it wasn’t necessary to say anything. Before he knew it, he had Gaara’s legs over his shoulders, and he was entering the other man, who did not seem to really approve of Neji “wasting time” trying to prepare him. He knew how it worked from being with Tenten, and though he obviously felt guilty about how he had treated her emotionally, he had always been fastidious about making sure that he didn’t physically damage her. He had barely started to stretch Gaara with his fingers when the redhead had impatiently demanded he put it in already. Neji had explained he didn’t want to hurt him, and Gaara had looked at him as though he had told a very bad joke.

Gaara was teaching Neji that just because you were on bottom did not mean you weren’t in control. He had never entered Tenten with so little preparation, but Gaara did not complain or seem to feel that there was anything wrong with it. He had only wanted Neji to do it harder.

“Harder,” he breathed again, and Neji felt a sudden worry that he was disappointing Gaara. He was not giving the other man what he wanted because he was worried that it would hurt him, but if he didn’t do what Gaara asked, he might not be able to satisfy him. His fear stung, and this time he didn’t hold back when he slammed back into the other man, who, instead of showing any signs of suffering, let his eyes close and moaned long and low. “Yes…like that.”

Neji had never understood how just saying something could make sex better or more intense, but then again, he had only ever had sex with Tenten before, and he preferred her not to make noise or say anything that would remind him of who he was in bed with. It seemed like everything Gaara said or did made Neji want him more. He felt like he would explode as he continued slamming into Gaara, his hands gripping the younger man’s hips to help him do it as hard Gaara was demanding him to. He was already close to coming, he could tell, but he wanted this to last. He didn’t want to disappoint Gaara, he wanted to make the other man come first, for once. If only he could find that spot…

“There!” Gaara’s hands were on his shoulders, and as he cried out, he dug his fingers in, the nails biting into Neji’s skin as he felt Gaara’s passage momentarily tighten. With great satisfaction, he drove into the same spot again, and was rewarded when Gaara’s nails dug in deeper, his neck arching backward to expose his throat. “Fuck!” he cried, and Neji did it again, faster this time. He could feel he was losing control completely, but Gaara was driving him mad. The way he felt, the way he looked, squirming underneath Neji, his cock completely hard and leaking fluid on his stomach, the way his voice shook as he cried out with every hit to his prostate, it was all too much. Neji let go completely, and pounded into Gaara hard and fast, not even recognizing his own voice calling out the other man’s name, not recognizing anything beyond the overwhelming feeling that Gaara was filling him with. Then the other man came in thick spurting jets, and Neji lost it. On his next thrust, he felt himself come apart completely, and when he could finally see again, when he could finally think again, he realized that it was over, that he was lying down on Gaara, that he felt both completely content and completely drained, and that he was still inside the other man. He shifted, reaching down to pull himself out, and roll off so that Gaara wouldn’t have to go through the extreme discomfort of having his body nearly folded in half. Neji had been stuck in that position for a while the night before, but when he couldn’t stand it anymore, he had carefully pushed Gaara up into the air, lowered his legs into a more comfortable position, and let the other man continue to sleep on him, pleased that he hadn’t woken him up.

However, when he rolled off of Gaara, the other man made a strangely petulant noise and opened his eyes, rolling his own body over as his legs returned to their normal position. “Why’d you do that?”

“Wasn’t it uncomfortable?” Neji couldn’t help smiling as Gaara frowned at him, and he lifted his head so he could kiss the other man softly on the lips.

“Not really.” Gaara was probably lying, but Neji didn’t mind. He pulled the other man over so he was now lying underneath the redhead and sighed contentedly as Gaara made himself comfortable.

“Are you going to fall asleep again?” Neji asked, running his fingers slowly through the red locks of the head resting on his chest.

“I’ve never slept that long before since as long as I can remember.” Gaara told him. “I won’t be tired for a year.”

“You aren’t tired after that?” Neji asked in a slightly teasing tone, and Gaara shook his head slightly.

“You really did the work.” Gaara told him. “You can sleep if you want. I want you to do that to me again before you leave.” He said this in a tone that did not seem at all self-conscious or embarrassed about his request. It was like he was asking Neji to eat breakfast with him, not…well, what he was actually asking.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Neji asked, not knowing what else to say in response to that.

“I’ve done it before,” Gaara answered, tilting his head to give Neji better access to his scalp. “After the first time it doesn’t hurt as much.” There was a pause and he shifted his body, propping his head up to look down at Neji in concern. “Did I hurt you?”

“Not really.” Neji shrugged. “I was a little sore, but I expected that. You were careful with me, but I just—“

“I wanted you in me.” Gaara cut him off, laying his head back down so that Neji could continue massaging his scalp gently. “I didn’t want to wait. I don’t need so much time to be ready.”

“Oh,” Neji felt foolish again, and wondered if he would ever feel like he understood these things as well as Gaara did, or if he would always be behind the other man’s sexual knowledge. When things had started, he had known much more than Gaara, and he wondered if he had made the Kazekage feel foolish as well.

“Did you like it better this way?” Gaara asked, tracing patterns on Neji’s stomach with his fingertips.

“I don’t know,” Neji admitted. “I didn’t ever think I’d like it being on the bottom, but I didn’t realize it would feel…so good.”

“Yeah.” Gaara didn’t elaborate on that, but his body squirmed slightly next to Neji’s in a way that made his cock stir, even though he knew there was no way he could be ready again so soon.

“I like being on top, too.” Neji went on, rubbing Gaara’s head a little more firmly, and being rewarded with a soft sigh of contentment from the other man. “I feel more like…you know, that I know what I’m doing. I’m used to being on top, but still…you kind of make me feel like a novice, ordering me around like that.”

“It was good.” Gaara assured him. “I just wanted it really bad. I’ve been thinking about it since I woke up yesterday, and I had to wait until you woke up, and then you kept taking your time. I was a little impatient.”

“A little?” Neji snorted. “I thought you were going to flip me over and take over if I didn’t hurry up and do what you said.”

“We should try it like that.” Gaara answered in a soft tone, and Neji laughed.

“We just did it. I won’t be ready again for hours, maybe even all day.” He told the other man. “How can you already be thinking of the next time?”

“You told me you’re leaving after tomorrow.” Gaara answered, his voice a bit sad. “I want to have as much of you as I can before you go.”

“Yeah.” Neji felt suddenly sad as well. His chest felt tight and he tried not to think about what it would be like to sleep alone, to not even see Gaara for who knew how long. He didn’t know what he would do, but the sensible portion of him knew that he would just have to learn to deal with this. Coming here, he hadn’t really believed that anything could happen between Gaara and him. He had been expecting that Gaara would find someone he cared for more, and he would be left to obsess over someone he couldn’t have. He never considered what the results would be if Gaara wanted him, and if they were able to form a relationship, but now that he had gone this far, Neji knew he would never be able to simply give this up. It would be difficult, he knew, but they would have to figure it out. At the very least, he knew that Gaara could most likely visit Konoha at least once or twice a year, the way he always had. Now those visits would be something he would anticipate impatiently, when before he felt, if anything, annoyance at the fact that Naruto would probably insist on a party. He doubted that even his love for Gaara would have made him no longer hate parties. He would have to see.

“I spoke with Temari, and she had an idea for an exchange.” Gaara turned his face so he was looking up at Neji. “She thought that we might be able to present it as an idea to help build relations between Leaf and Sand. We would have two ninja of comparable levels switch villages for a year or so, serving that village and helping to exchange information between the two in that time.”

“That actually sounds like it might work.” Neji became suddenly excited at the idea. “I mean, it sounds…really valid, and like something the councils might come up with anyway. But how would we be sure that I get selected for the exchange?”

“That’s less of a worry than how you’ll be able to get your family to agree.” Gaara smiled slightly. “I’m the Kazekage, of course I’ll be allowed to decide who I want.”

“I didn’t think of that.” Neji frowned. “But honestly…I think that this is more important to me than my uncle’s approval. I’ll ask permission, but even if he doesn’t want me to take part in it, I’ll come back to you. I can’t live my life according to what he wants. I need to start shaping my own destiny, the way I swore I would.”

“Good,” Gaara moved upwards, kissing Neji lightly on the lips. “I thought you might say you couldn’t do it if your family did not want you to go. I am glad you are ready to make your own decisions.”

“That would mean we could live together for a whole year.” Neji sighed happily. “If we could carry out the plan…and then we’d have a year to think about what to do after that.”

“I don’t know.” Gaara shrugged. “But eventually, you could think of telling your family about us and just leaving.”

“You make it sound easy.” Neji laughed sadly. “They’d disown me.”

“Does that bother you?” Gaara wanted to know, and Neji felt a sudden pang that Gaara had never really felt the love and approval of his family. It seemed to Neji that his siblings cared for him, but that they were still cautious of him, still not sure they could put their trust in someone who had once seemed so unstable. In his youth, Neji had felt that his family did not care for him at all, especially once his father died. Now he knew better, and he had to admit, he would hate to have to choose between his family and Gaara. They had been with him his whole life, and Gaara had only been with him for a month.

But if they love me…if they want me to be happy, they’ll let me go. If they refuse to release me…if they disown me, I’ll know that I was never more than a tool to them. Gaara sees me for who I am, and that is what I want. If I had to choose between them, I know already the decision I would make.

“It does,” Neji admitted finally, “but I don’t think that something like this is meant to be easy. If they disown me, they disown me…but I think that I would rather not tell them yet. Let’s try the exchange, and if things between us work out, I’ll tell them the truth.”

“Why wouldn’t things work out?” Gaara scowled, and Neji let out a harsh laugh.

“Neither of us have any idea what we’re doing.” He elaborated. “It’s amazing we’ve gotten this far without completely fucking things up. It’s hard to be in a relationship, to make things work.”

“I think it will be much harder being apart now that we are used to this.” Gaara told him after a long silence. He blinked at Neji, who leaned in to kiss him again. It was hard not to kiss Gaara. He wondered how hard it would be not to even see him. He told himself the exchange idea would work. But if it didn’t…

I’ll probably last a few months, and then I’ll just defect and come back here, whether I get permission from my family or the Hokage, or anyone. I think…if I know that I’m coming back here soon I’ll be able to handle the separation, but if I have to wait for visits maybe once or twice a year for a week or a few days…if that’s all I have to look forward to, I’ll end up choosing this, even if it means that I have to give up my home and my family.

“And even if my family won’t ever speak to me again,” Neji pointed out as these thoughts occurred to him, “our friends won’t mind. They didn’t care at all when Sasuke and Naruto got together.”

“Except you.” Gaara lay back down, and since Neji couldn’t see his face, he didn’t know whether Gaara was annoyed or not. He felt stupid for mentioning Sasuke’s name. He wondered if it still made his lover jealous to think of Neji’s old obsession, and he had to admit to himself that if Gaara had once been obsessed with another man, he would not want to hear about that person or probably ever see them again. He wondered if he had effectively destroyed any chance of the Gaara and Sasuke ever getting along, but then again, the first time they had met, the two had just desperately wanted to fight each other, and Gaara had wanted to kill Sasuke, so really, the fact that he wasn’t killing the Uchiha had to show an improvement in their relations.

“Hey,” he reached over and turned Gaara’s head so that it turned toward him, and he saw that the redhead did look sullen, and possibly a bit angry. He wasn’t pinning him down and going into a jealous rage, though, so it seemed that things were better now than they had been at first. “I told you I don’t care about him like that. I never cared about him the way I care about you. I love you. There’s no one else I want to be with, so don’t worry. Okay?”

Gaara blinked at him, and nodded slightly, not really seeming that convinced. Neji kissed his forehead, kissed his cheek and then his chin and his lips, while Gaara ignored the contact as best he could, although his lips did move slightly under Neji’s.

“I want you to trust me.” Neji breathed against Gaara’s throat. “I want you to believe in me. I don’t want anyone but you.” He pressed his lips against Gaara’s pulse point, delving his fingers into Gaara’s hair and moving his lips along the line of the pale throat, and after a few moments, he heard a very tiny noise escape from Gaara. He looked up at the man, who was still attempting not to meet his eyes. “I love you. Trust in that.”

Gaara met his eyes then, and seemed to be trying to read the truth there. Neji’s hand came around to his cheek, brushing his knuckles over his jaw line, and let his thumb brush over Gaara’s lips, trying to convey his sincerity to the other man through his gaze. He wanted more than anything for Gaara to believe in him, to know that he was serious, to know that this was serious.

Whether he could see that in Neji’s eyes, or he simply found that he believed in what the Hyuuga was saying, Gaara leaned in, kissing him softly at first, but after a few moments, his lips parted, and their tongues met, and Neji’s head swam with happiness. If Gaara trusted him, Gaara, who found it so hard to really trust anyone…then maybe everything would work out for them after all.

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To be continued…
- 10
- 11
- 12
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