Attraction | By : gelfling Category: Naruto > General Views: 1846 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
gelfling8604@yahoo.com
//Thoughts//
::Invading thoughts::
***
Heeeey! Waidaminit!! Wait just a polyp-picking minute!! I see your game! You will not sink my Cheerio!! I see what is transpiring here!!! You’re all zombie thigh-fat people brought into animation by some evil force of forceful evil!!! Shit! That lipstick is the wrong color for you!!
--Happy Noodle Boy, Johnny The Homicidal Maniac: Director’s Cut, Jhohen Vasquez
I took you home
Set you on the glass
I pulled off your wings
Then I laughed
--Queen of the Damned Soundtrack (I think)
Rosalita…There isn’t any innocent. There isn’t any guilty. There’s just the dead.
--Hal, Sandman: The Furies, Neil Gaiman
Why do we kill people who kill people to show people that killing people is wrong?
--Anonymous
***
“Fuck!”
Naruto ran the water gently, his fingers digging into the sink’s frame savagely and cracking it. Damn it he needed to savage something!
“Fucking little shit…mother damned…”
He hissed between his teeth, his head bent inside the sink and water running over his head.
“Damn it…damn it all…”
Water mixed with blood was running down the drain.
“Bastard…”
***
Sasuke woke back up with a start in his old cell again, cold and aching. His head was dizzy, and sloshed when he moved. They had fought, he knew briefly. There was cold dried water on his face, thickly clotted on his eyelashes. Old tears. Old dried blood was matted in his hair.
He hurt. He hurt all over.
If he looked into his heart, it would have torn him apart. So Sasuke did a trick he had learned a long time ago. He could create a shield against the outside world easily. But he could also create a shield against his own emos, as, against his own heart. It wasn’t easy, but he could lock himself up where he couldn’t feel the pain that was waiting for him. He did that now. Against the burned trees. Against the bodies he couldn’t see. Against the smell of ash. Against the smile and blue eyes.
One day, that shield would break. Kakashi had warned him it would. One day it would break, and Sasuke would be in a terrible amount of pain. But that day would not be today.
There was no food to be had, and his stomach cramped badly against his spine, clamoring for food that Sasuke might not even had the strength to eat if it were there. He tried to sleep without shaking.
Emphasis on try.
***
Naruto closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his temple, trying to stop the pain from flowing through his veins, from beating on his brain. There was a problem with being a demon lord, especially when dealing with prisoners.
…Gaara would do this so much better than he was but…
If anyone was going to do it, it’d damn well be him. No one else. He didn’t belong to anyone else. If he belonged to anybody he belonged to him. No one else.
Before the—the fire and everything, (and he sighed deeply) Naruto could hear the…not thoughts exactly, but alien sentiments of the demon he carried around in his head and his stomach. He could feel them, feel her. Now he couldn’t feel anything. Not a damn thing. It was like she was never there, because while he certainly had her powers, her knowledge, but her feelings were just…
Gone.
Naruto looked away, and held himself tighter. He wanted to crawl under something dark and quiet and hide there until the world stopped spinning so hard.
…He didn’t know why he was doing these things to Sasuke. Oh, he knew what he wanted on a very basic level, but he didn’t know why he…
…
He hadn’t even hurt Iruka this badly. Nor Kakashi. Nor any of the others. He killed plenty, yeah, of course he did, that was his job. Right? He was supposed to do that sort of thing; it was a good thing for him to do those things. He was a demon. He was evil. It was his job to kill people. That fire, that blood and that screaming in his ears that still woke him up startled late at night…he had done the right thing. She had said it was right—it sounded so fair when she said it, so natural. Only natural and nothing bad or wrong about it.
But he hadn’t…caused this type of pain, slow and lingering and getting stronger. Not to them. And didn’t they deserve it? Hadn’t they deserved it? So why hadn’t he? Why hadn’t he hurt them this badly?
So why Sasuke?
Old hatred? Old rivalry? …Something.
…
…Damn it all, he didn’t know. How was he supposed to know?
Naruto hit his head against the wall wearily. //Fu~uck…//
***
In the musty gray darkness, Sasuke lay sleeping. He was somewhat recognizable as a human being, being a bit tattered and messed up, but for all that he was worn out Naruto was always careful not to hurt him terminally. He wasn’t eating but the transferred demon blood was having the same effect as crystal meth; it kept him alive and functioning, but took its own toll on his system.
Near his feet against the wall slouched a gray figure against the wall. Watching him sleep.
Naruto had done this before; it was nothing new. It wasn’t something he liked doing, for many reasons. Mostly, it made him think. It made him feel. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to feel. He…
He hurt. He hurt all over.
It wasn’t his eye anymore; that had hurt for a while sure, it still did, but it had healed no problem. He could still use it. He couldn’t even see the mark the knife had made anywhere, not even on his skin. His demon blood was in full throttle through his flesh; it healed him faster than he could cut himself. Not that he cut himself, or anything. He didn’t cut himself. He wasn’t like that; Naruto knew he wasn’t like that.
He just…wanted to see how far he could go before something stopped him. He didn’t seem to have limits anymore; he didn’t know what he could do, who or what he was anymore. He had done things…that he figured he would have had to work a little more for. That would require more of a fight.
Not a couple days. Not three days and nights. More than that. It was worth more than that.
…For some reason, Naruto found himself wondering if he had been cheated.
Sasuke had nothing to do with it. Not really. Naruto wanted him to, but he really didn’t. He was starting to regret having him here, of showing him the ashes, of treating him this way. Maybe he wouldn’t hate Naruto as much as he did if he hadn’t known all that, if he hadn’t known what he had become. Sakura-chan hadn’t known. She hadn’t known a thing. She had died…she had died without him having to show her what he was. He wasn’t sure if he should be grateful to Gaara or resentful. Probably grateful.
Even if he was a killer without reason, and had a hard time caring or even seeing past his own problems, Gaara was still the only solid thing he seemed to have in his life. Hee toe to him still when he felt like sex or just like sleeping, and vanished without a trace or word when he got bored again with Naruto.
It was just like before when they were just starting out, when Naruto had told him his plan and Gaara had called him an ambitious idiot but came with him anyway. Even though they weren’t really friends it nice to have someone to eat lunch with and think of when nothing else came up. Someone who knew exactly what you were and wasn’t afraid. Not quite friends, not really enemies, but it was nice to have each other anyway.
It wasn’t so different from what Naruto and Sasuke had been in the very beginning. After they stopped being strangers, but before Sasuke noticed how laughter could make him feel warm, and Naruto realized how sensual fighting could be if it was with the right person. It wasn’t so different from that. It was a lot like that, in fact.
Naruto took a bottle from his jacket, and a clean cloth as well. He screwed the top off the bottle, and held it in his hand, heat flowing from his skin through the glass of the bottle to the liquid inside. He replaced the cap and shook it a couple times, before pouring some into the cloth. The smell of undistilled alcohol poured through the cell.
Getting up and sitting down silently next to Sasuke, he began to gently apply it to his cuts. He hadn’t healed him with his demon blood the last time; there hadn’t been the time. Strangely, he didn’t feel like doing it now either, even though it was more work and effort for him this way. He opened Sasuke’s fist, and cleaned the palm up gently, pouring alcohol directly into the deeper abrasions.
What the hell.
It wasn’t like Sasuke appreciated anything he did for him anyway.
He left some food wrapped up by his bedside as well, protected against the rats and things. Not that Sasuke would touch it or anything, but if he felt like it…well…you never really knew.
And Naruto walked out of Sasuke’s cell—
--And walked back into the roll of the Demon King without a blink.
**
"You’re doing pretty good though, Sasuke," Naruto told him while he lit a cigarette and Sasuke struggled to remain sitting despite his broken ribs.
"Shouldn’t be too much out there that can hurt you now."
It was Naruto’s impromptu boot camp, some weird training he was inflicting on Sasuke for no apparent reason. He was allowed to escape his cell and chased down or dragged out and beat up regularly. Naruto usually talked at him in the meantime about nothing important. The other day he’d gotten a lecture about the evils of powdered eggs, and the wonder of instant ramen and polyester.
He’d eaten what he had been given. He’d woken up twice more to find food in his cell, wherever that happened to be at the time. Usually a roll of bread, somet smo smoked sausage. He ate it without a word. He hadn’t spoken to the fox since he had tried to blind him. He ignored him, never looked in his eyes or at his face.
tha that dream, Sasuke had given up. His friend was dead, and he took it with the equanimity of one use to losing that which was precious.
Sasuke had a new broken bone every other day; miraculously, every broken bone would be nearly healed by morning. He never knew how; Naruto would always make sure he was out cold before doing anything to him. His only guess was that since Naruto could heal quickly, maybe he was transferring some of his power over to him.
Naruto had laughed. "Yeah, right Sasuke. There was a reason they wouldn’t let me in any of the blood drives back home--even if they could drag me there first. Nobody wants to wake up with fangs at 4:30 in the morning. Hell to drink coffee with."
But he was being healed magically, Sasuke was sure. Some sort of healing jutsu, something Nine Tails was involved with somewhere.
Naruto shrugged. "Whatever you want. It’s not like I care anyway."
***
And the extra training and given food Sasuke was receiving paid off early. He escaped, and nearly got away with it completely.
***
These were real caves, Sasuke decided (he had gotten loose again, and had the marks on his arms and face to prove it). They weren’t the friendly flat top and bottom with some bats Disney version; these caves were noticeably…spiky. Everywhere. Stalagmites taller than him covered the floor and ceiling, made up the walls, slick with water and so smooth and rounded that it was difficult to cling to them. There wasn’t an inch to even stand normally in.
Sweat and cold blood clung to Sasuke’s skin as he clung to the hanging stone, and he was marginally pleased that most of it wasn’t his. He had run into some trouble, and it had been some enjoyable excess. Excess. That’s all they—those things—were to him anymore.
You could breathe the water in the air. There wasn’t a spec of light; it was if the shadows had chosen the caves for their smoking room to hang out in. He had no idea how far underground he was, but he knew he was far from the castle. This place wasn’t touched much by people. It didn’t smell like death. It didn’t smell of fire. He didn’t feel the tingle in his spine, or danger anywhere. There wasn’t any.
This place was still…new. Or ancient. Either way, it was untouched by the world he had been living in, and Sasuke took to it instantly, absolute darkness or no. It felt…kind of safe here.
But that didn’t stop him from raising his weapon when he saw the light, clinging to the side of one of the upper stalagmites, giving him an aerial view.
Ninjas traditionally were against guns, being too unsophisticated and noisy for their chosen field of expertise. Sasuke personally at that moment couldn’t care less. He kept the automatic in a flexible hold, and waited for the right moment. It was quiet, empty, and he still didn’t feel the danger.
Still…it could be trap. But so obvious? Moving carefully, concentrating, Sasuke moved over the rounded stalagmite he was crouched on, staying as close to the base and ceiling as he could.
Sasuke’s eyes widened until the whites showed all around the dark red Sharingan swirling eyes momentarily, then narrowed. The gun felt heavy in his hand, and though his face didn’t move an inch or change color, his cheeks still felt warm.
At first he couldn’t be sure of what he was seeing because after the pitch-dark of the caverns the candle-light seared the back of his eyes, making little flashes and asterisks move in front of his vision. He had to squint to make anything out.
The bottom stalagmites hemmed up and met the top ones, and one of the larger, thicker pillars had been hollowed out, creating a small secure stone alcove with a sunken floor, oval shaped and filled with water. A bath, in other words. Sasuke had nearly forgotten what those were anymore.
This one was steaming, faint tendrils rising up from the mirror-like surface, smooth and flat, dark warm water with only the scant candlelight splattering over the surface like baby starlight, creamy buttermilk color against the black stone.
Sasuke stared. Sasuke really stared. If he had had the extra saliva, he might have considered swallowing.
When was the last time he had bathed? When was the last time had he gotten to change his own clothes? When last had his clothes changed??
…Sasuke stared. He couldn’t help it.
His skin felt crusted, he was covered in dried sweat and blood and gore of things that weren’t even human and he knew he smelled. He had always had cold skin, but right now his toes were frozen solid ice…his body had been freezing for some time but he hadn’t noticed it because he…
He hadn’t wanted to. There was nothing he could do about it, just like there was nothing he could do about starving or not feeling the wind on his face or hearing another creature speak save the damned demon when it came to curse and laugh at him. There was nothing he could do about his captivity, about the fact that he wasn’t in control and constantly in danger and he was going to die here in the dark without a word and no one knowing and no one caring and he didn’t want…
He didn’t want that at all.
//Damn. It’s too early, cut that out.// He reinforced the shield inside him. His grip tightened on his weapon.
There was a faint sliding sound, a beetle’s static, but that didn’t concern him too much. Naruto was more important.
Only his head came up above the water, dark blonde scruffy bangs smoothed back from his eyes shut and face slack, not laughing and not mocking for once. Over his ears were a set of headphones, and a CD player was running next to his head on the obligatory red leather jacket, above the water.
He looked defenseless.
Sasuke stared.
//Maybe he is.// He aimed his weapon without even thinking, his finger on the trigger. And then he waited.
Naruto didn’t move, didn’t even smile. Every time Sasuke had ever seen him, he had always been smiling. Or alert, thinking…scheming. Somehow. Somehow this wasn’t what Sasuke had been expecting. It seemed too easy; it was probably a trick, a trap.
It was the perfect shot. …Well, he could have seen more of him visible to shoot besides his head but…
Sasuke realized Naruto was probably naked under there.
He didn’t notice one of the skinny bottom stalagmites curling around his ankle until it was too late.
He shouted in pain and tried to drop the gun that seemed welded to his flesh boiling liquid-hot, the shout changing in meaning as he realized that he was being yanked down by a tendril of stone that was getting swallowed into the floor and—
“Sasuke?!”
--he was going to hit the ground pretty damn hard enough to break every bone in his body.
He realized he was still holding his breath.
“What the hell are you doing here!?”
Sasuke’s attention was focused on the ground four inches from his eyes. His hair touched it. He had stopped quite suddenly, his stomach clinging to his spine from the sudden shock in gravity and he was a little surprised to note that his ears felt luke-warm and slightly liquid. The sensation burned him.
“Well?” Naruto yelled at him again. Sasuke didn’t turn his head. He didn’t feel he had to. He also didn’t feel it would be a good idea. He could hear the water sloshing as the fox moved.
There was a faint, irritated growling, and Sasuke found himself repositioned and dropped to the ground roughly. The gun was gone from his hand, and even as he stood and turned Sasuke debated the usefulness of looking.
He rubbed his temple and closed his eyes for an excuse. He didn’t see Naruto glaring at him.
“I thought shinobi didn’t use guns,” came the chilly accusation.
Sasuke didn’t answer.
“I knew they peeked on people using the baths, being natural perverts, but I figured I’d be a little safe here.”
Sasuke initiated the tai-jutsu for speed, which made it hurt all the more when Naruto used his own abilities to yank him forward and scraped his knees against the stone, the backlash snapping his nervous system like burnt rubber band.
This time Sasuke had to open his eyes. His hands weren’t free; another Stone jutsu shackled them to the floor. He was more or less on his knees. Naruto was glaring at him. From about a foot away. Slouching on the rim of the bath, headphones resting around his neck, arms loosely at an angle in front of him muscles curved glinting and pale blues looking very sulky.
Sasuke had been right.
He was completely naked.
And for a long time that was that. Sasuke hoped and was hoping really hard that that was all that was going to happen, because as compromising as situations had been before this was a bit much. He had started it, for one.
His hand was burning.
Naruto seemed content to glower at him. Finally, he noticed something other than his Sharingan eyes that stared steadily back. He sneered irritated.
“You look like hell.”
“I mean really,” he continued, sounding surprised and scornful. “Wow. Really. Geez… Fuck have you even seen your hand? You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that. I don’t like it. You can deactivate your Sharingan, you know. You won’t need it anymore.”
Unobtrusively, Sasuke tested the binds around his wrists. Naruto could see his reflection in swirls of indifferent red ruby maroon.
//I thought I’d be safe here. I didn’t think I would have to worry about you.//
Naruto came to the conclusion, “Take off your clothes.”
Sasuke didn’t even panic. Just reacted.
He slid down across the stone quickly and kicked down while at the same time yanking up using his leverage on the manacles and freeing himself. He felt his foot connect blissfully, put one hand on the ground and prepared to get out and he would have except Naruto had caught his foot after it hit his jaw. Then he yanked him under the water.
He would have yelled at himself if he hadn’t had a mouthful of water in his mouth. He wasn’t sure exactly about what, but he definitely would have yelled.
//HOT! SHIT!//
S
Sasuke broke surface in time to scream.
Naruto slapped Sasuke’s stomach against the sloping edge of the bath, where he kicked against it automatically and felt his wrists scream in protest as rock swallowed them up. Stone manacles…really hurt. They were too tight. And they were bleeding him.
The hot water shocked, boiling, he felt like he was in a soup! And Naruto kept shoving him back and ducking his head under water. It was too damn hot!
With his immediate attention on breathing and keeping his skin from boiling off, Sasuke didn’t even think of kicking backwards, not that that would have been very effective.
“Easy! Easy damn it you’re not a freaking cat!”
The sloped stone hit him in his ribs hard, with Naruto’s combined weight gathered on his back to keep him from wiggling more. Sasuke was gasping for breath. So was Naruto.
“Fuck! …Don’t you know how to swim?”
“Let go,” coughed the darker teen.
“You’re not going to drown. And you need a bath, all right? So stop fighting.”
“Let go.”
“There’s no where for you to go.”
“Then let me go.”
Naruto hesitated. “No. I don’t trust you not to try something stupid.”
//You don’t trust me at all.//
“No. And I’ve no reason to either. So stop fighting.”
//Get off.//
“You know this is supposed to be my fucking day off!”
//Get off.//
Vaguely, Sasuke heard Naruto sigh, and then pressure eased off his back. He nearly breathed out in relief except his shirt was torn from his body in a quick, easy motion and his pants sliding—Sasuke fought back, trying to turn around and kick and became even more intimately introduced with the stone work as his face slammed into it again. Not that that mattered very much.
Naruto tossed the wet clothes out onto the floor, before turning back to…well to Sasuke’s back. Sasuke’s back that was trying to straighten, his head still bent at a demure angle looking down, looking down at his hands perched on the edge of the bath.
He seemed to completely forget he was naked and had climbed up on the rim, supported on his toes and looking at nothing but his hands. His skiormaormally a pale color--turned a type of bluish-gray because of the cold and spotted because of the bruises and now splattering out in confused colors of that and a cooked-lobster red, trembling from the shock and probably a little fear too.
Sasuke turned so that Naruto saw his side and profile while he tried to accommodate his hands shackled down. But he wasn’t yelling at him. His facial expression was—focused, but not afraid. Not even really grounded just…focused. Like he wasn’t really there at all.
//Whoa. Creepy.//
Naruto was momentarily taken a back, before he stirred his fingers in the water, the steam vanishing and the tempere cre cooling drastically. Slight movement told him Sasuke noticed this. He waited a few minutes.
“I’ve seen you naked before, Sasuke. Not even that long ago. You don’t need to panic.”
Sasuke didn’t move.
//Damn stubborn shinobi.//
“We’ve even had sex. Acting modest now is just weird,” despite his own words, Naruto had to wrap his arms around himself, though he covered it up nicely by masking it as irritation. As much as he wanted...
“Now…you can walk in or I can pull you in. Again.”
Naruto waited; rather patiently, he thought.
Finally he moved forward without a sound, one hand reaching out and Sasuke…panicked. There was no other word for it. He nearly jumped in to keep from touching him, got one leg into the water before yanking it back out, his teeth chattering and moving as far from Naruto as he could with his wrists pointing in the opposite direction. He couldn’t summon the energy to break free. Not even enough for a fireball. Nothing.
//…shit. Shit. No not here. Please. Not here.//
//I need to think of something. I need something.//
Naruto, for his part, simply watched, his face impassive. His eyes raked over Sasuke’s eyes that were carefully not looking at him, over his body crouched down and hands bound.
//Great, first the water’s too hot, then it turns out it’s too cold and now what? What really?//
“If…” Naruto gambled carefully, “I did let you go…temporarily…would you be a little more cooperative?” He waited until Sasuke was looking at him.
There was no verbal answer. That wasn’t unusual.
The stone slid off his wrists, that minor grace completely tainted by the expectant look in Naruto’s eyes. He really expected him to run. Sasuke examined his wrists. They were cut all around, and bleeding too much. The palm of his right hand was burnt, a flaming red that burned and pained him like anything.
//…I can’t. He’s…we’ve…//
//I can’t.//
//If he tries again what the hell am I supposed to do? This is what he wants. He said he’d…he said he’d hurt me. He will but I can’t just let it happen like it’s…//
Sasuke’s eyes darted to the water.
//I can fight.//
He could see Naruto’s reflection in the water, could see it looking at him. Sasuke’s eyes darted back to his wrists.
“I could always go into your mind, you know. I could make you do this. Make you do anything. …I’m giving you a ch bec because you’re still Sasuke. I like to think you deserve at least a chance to prove something.”
Despite himself, Sasuke felt his cheeks heat up and tried to think about nothing at all. Tried to close himself off, erect some type of shield specifically against the fox sunshine. Naruto nearly smiled, but his eyes stayed dead. Cute. Very cute.
//Dumb kids…//
“I think you can do it.”
“Why not make me?”
Fuck. And his voice did sound bad. Roughened and…Sasuke had the handsomest of voices; deep and dark and sultry. He could make Naruto melt with his voice alone…
Why hadn’t Naruto noticed it earlier? When had it gotten so fucked up as all that?
Naruto took a deep breath. “Because it’s your own life Sasuke. …And I’m tired of making decisions for everyone and getting bitched out for it. Choose yourself.”
And finally he looked him in the eye, dark eyes beaten around the edges, tired and exhausted somehow even more beautiful for all that. Seemed the more Sasuke got hurt, the prettier he was to look at. It made him human, and not so damn far away and unreachable.
It was the contrast, of seeing something so perfect brought down low; shaken and hurt but never quite destroyed. It was in the way his shoulders pulled back, his neck turning smoothly like a bird’s, ivory skin marked with bruises but som…
…
Naruto forgot how to breathe.
Sasuke stepped into the pool, not taking his eyes from Naruto and not letting go of his hands. He kept his distance.
Naruto remembered how to breathe again.
“You gonna wash, or do you want me to do it for you?”
//I will. Stop looking at me.//
“I’m already finished, handsome. But I’m not leaving you alone here.”
Sasuke’s brain caught his ear. //Am I close to the exit? I’d have to be. I have to be.//
Naruto didn’t stop looking at him. He didn’t move his arms down either.
“Can I warm the water up again?”
Sasuke shrugged. Naruto’s fingers trailed over the surface. The Sharingan watched carefully.
Steam began to rise from the surface again. Naruto eased back until his back touched the wall again, watching quietly while Sasuke rubbed one arm, studiously not looking at him again while watching every move he made.
Naruto sighed and jerked his hand; his CD player landed on the water, moving steadily over to him without ever falling into the water over even breaking the surface. Naruto replaced his headphone and started up the CD again, watching Sasuke carefully not look at him while at the same time try to pretend he was washing himself.
He was trying to pick clean the wounds on his hand. Naruto would have to heal that for him himself; for all that Sasuke was fun, he was very expensive to keep.
Naruto sighed and leaned back, listening to his music with his eyes closed. After some time, Sasuke actually dared look at him and wonder. He cleaned his wrists carefully, and a couple of the other odd cuts on his arms that he had gotten, before starting awkwardly on his hair, keeping his eyes on the fox across from him at all times.
//How far are we? Close enough? Could I make it?//
His eyes darted to Naruto. Against his will, his eyes closed, before reopening to familiar black voids, the Sharingan gone. He was able to use it for longer periods, but it still took a lot of energy.
//He’s not asleep. But would he notice? I…I might be able…No. That wouldn’t work. But if I can at least get an idea of how far I am... I can remember how to get here again. I could start from there.//
Naruto made a face, sticking out his tongue and stretching his lips.
Sasuke watched quietly, then his face seeped into a chillyk wik without startling. //Get out of my mind.//
Naruto lifted a finger out of the water—not the index. ‘Fuck you’, he mouthed without sound.
Fingers rubbing his ankles, Sasuke pondered on what to do. There was no hurry at this exact moment.
“You,” Naruto pointed out. “Suck. And not in a good way either.”
That caught Sasuke’s attention for about 3 seconds. Then he disregarded it.
“Here you are…naked, alone, in a semi-romantic atmosphere because I know that’s important to you, with you’re equally naked wet dream—“
//You’re not my wet dream. I don’t like you. I don’t know you. You won’t die. I go and go for it, but you won’t die.//
“Do you even have wet-dreams?”
//…That’s none of your business.//
“That’s a definite no. You have no life, Sasuke. Ergo, you,” Naruto stressed. “Suck.”
Sasuke looked up briefly. He spoke very quietly, so quietly it probably didn’t count as speaking and he didn’t really mean to and didn’t really care. But it wasn’t his voice Naruto was listening to.
//Wasn’t me doing the…//
Naruto laughed, his eyes still closed. It wasn’t so bad with his eyes closed, somehow. It was still bad, and Sasuke would have paid a year’s worth of A missions and assassinations to be anywhere elbut but it wasn’t so bad with Naruto’s eyes closed. He didn’t know why. Maybe because he could pretend it really wasn’t Naruto sitting across from him. He could pretend it was someone else. The fox settled down.
“Why are you afraid of it? Sex, I mean.”
Sasuke looked down quickly, holding himself lightly.
“I mean, it’s not all that bad, is it? Is that just you being… you, or is there some other deep-seated reason behind all of this? Anything I should know about? I mean, you’ve had lots of chances with girls so I’d understand if you’re a little turned off by guys, but you’ve never done anything with girls either.”
//Get out of my mind.//
“Stop being an asshole. Just answer the question. I mean, really…What do I care in the long run? Ever think maybe I’m trying to help you out, find your identity?”
//No. Get out of my mind.//
“Bastard.”
Sasuke didn’t answer to that one. He could . H. He could have easily. But he wasn’t about to be baited so quickly.
“You’re never going to heal it that way.”
He didn’t look up from his hand, but he did cradle it closer to his chest, eyeing the candles at the edges, the small flames dancing in the steam. He could always…but fuck, the fox was a fire demon. Fire couldn’t hurt it. Bue wae water?
Like Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke had copied down more jutsus than he had learned, Water Style included. He could try. He could try. If he had to. Right now he probably didn’t have the energy.
“You don’t,” Naruto added on garishly, eyes still closed.
//Fuck!//
Naruto laughed, and continued talking easily.
“You haven’t been eating real well. That’s mostly my fault,” he stated with a wide smile. “And anyway I probably know the same Water jutsus you do, maybe more. And Stone can always counter Water and Fire. If you had the energy, I mean.”
Sasuke didn’t answer, didn’t even bother to react to that. He didn’t even get angry. What the fox said didn’t matter; most of it wasn’t true anyway, and hardly any of it was useful. His hand required more attention.
Naruto’s face seeped into something a good deal less inviting. Without provocation, he attacked.
::lax::
The water heated up further, warmth seemto tto touch even the marrow of Sasuke’s bones, peeling off his skin and somehow it didn’t hurt. He breathed in the steam, a little startled but not afraid and felt it inflate his lungs and caress his throat like silk, warm and soft and filling and his eyelids were steadily getting heavier but he didn’t worry about it because at this exact moment he wasn’t in danger and he’d been running so damn long and it was nice to just…
And Sasuke lost the battle without even realizing it had begun.
He slid down, felt he was drowning in a rather academic way. He was tired. And he felt good. The candlelight still glittered on the water’s surface, a creamy contrast to the dark black-blueness. It looked nice.
Latent, subtle abilities noted that there were fluctuations in chakra, in the stone’s own energy and he half opened his eyes when he felt himself being turned onto his stomach, lying against the sloped stone with the water reaching up to his shoulder blades and his cheek flat on the warm smooth rock, abovter.ter.
And, in a detached manner, he began to panic.
Beneath the demon child’s ears, barely audible even with his hearing against the dark stone was a scratchy whisper saying, “Don’t.”
Traditionally, Naruto should have taken the opportunity to laugh, to really go in for it all. Because this was one situation—practically the first time—where Sasuke wasn’t actively trying to fight him. The first time where he was nearly surrendering the will to fight instead of merely opting for the aggravating passive/aggressive resistance he was so good at.
Naruto didn’t smile; his expression was serious, pensive, and he looked rather inhuman to be so still, yet handsome in a way completely different from Sasuke’s own at the same time.
So it confused Sasuke very much when the voice that touched his ears gently wasn’t laughing it’s ass off; he didn’t even recognize it.
“Easy, angel. Relax.”
Tawny colored lead seemed to weigh on Sasuke’s arms, on his back. He couldn’t even feel his legs to know how they were. He could move his fingers a little…not much, but some. He hadn’t lost all feeling yet. Either that or he was adapting to the fox’s mind control.
Fingers that didn’t belong to him touches bas back, touched his right shoulder and Sasuke managed to lift himself onto one elbow before weight settled on top of him. He felt his skin go cold. His eyes went wide, following the movement of tanned, small fingers running along his right arm, turning his hand so that the palm faced up, burned as it still was and the torn skin edged with white from the water, from the blood loss.
Sasuke didn’t move. He didn’t dare turn around, and he didn’t know what to say.
Tanned fingers disappeared from his view; there was a small amount of personal space returned to him before the warm heaviness settled again on his shoulders, the fox’s cheek brushing against his own and his breath cool against his wet skin.
Again movement provided wanted distraction, except this time the tanned fingers were bleeding. The tips poked gently into the open wounds, creating a nauseous pain that didn’t really concern Sasuke as much as the breathing that he could feel across his jaw. The blood from the fingers was wiped into his wounds and…
Sasuke’s eyes widened. There was the burning sensation; the sour burning sensation he’d been feeling all along in his stomach and arms and legs so much, the one that made him ache and made him sick but somehow he had always found the energy to keep moving and…
Sasuke couldn’t find the words to express his horror.
Fingernails pulled the bits of metal out of his skin or coaxed it out some other way, and he could see his own skin, his own flesh…healing at an unnaturally fast rate, could feel his blood vessels colliding before his very eyes while they rushed to grow back was once there.
He had woken up with strips of…Sasuke’s eyes narrowed. He should have figured it out before now. Every time Na—the fox was ever bled the wound healed up, but there would be strips of new skin to mark the injury, and every time he woke up his skin always felt a little raw, burning in a sickeningly way, and there would strips of new flesh and he hadn’t figured it out until now. Now that Nar—the fox was practically spoon-feeding him the information.
He couldn’t fight…fight on *What*?!? What the hell was he fighting on?! Thinking on? What?
…there was demon blood running in his veins. There was demon blood running through his…
Sasuke didn’t even want to finish the thought.
There was a vibration in the air before the warm steady voice next to his cheek spok“Don“Don’t worry Sasuke. You’re a demon slayer remember? …Naturally you wouldn’t be so susceptible to the harms of my blood. We’re compatible that way. You’re still human; you’ll remain that way. And it’s saved your life as often as you’ve cursed it.”
Sasuke wanted away. He couldn’t move but he wanted an out, or at least silence. Irony was not something he could stomach just now. He slid down, his forehead touching the stone while his eyes stared straight ahead, empty as space.
His position didn’t make him anymore vulnerable than he had been before; it just made it more obvious. He couldn’t win this, not fighting as he was and what he had to fight with. //…demon…in me…//
He couldn’t fight this. He closed his eyes.
Fingers probed his palm some more, before easing off it, the weight easing off of him too. Sasuke’s jaw clenched; his molars ached.
Then, lightly again, he felt fingers touch his back.
He didn’t want this. He didn’t want this. He could accept or he could fight. He did not want this.
He could protest. He could fight. He could always fight but what the hell could he fight with? He had already fought. Nothing had changed. Nothing had stopped.
Sasuke had lost. Clear and simple. Even he knew that.
He didn’t accept things like that, but he wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t going to lie to himself. Sometimes the fight wasn’t enough, the victory was everything and when even that was lost, even when everything was lost and he had lost so much already why did he have to lose more? Why was it always Take? Always. From him. He didn’t have anything left to give. He had nothing left to lose. But the fox would find a way. They were clever like that.
He had already lost his family; that was a long time ago. He had lost a home that wasn’t really his; in truth he never regarded any place as home. He had lost his friend years ago; he had been alone ever since and he had adapted. He always adapted. He always survived. He was good at surviving; he felt like absolute shit doing it but he always survived anything. Everyone else died. He always survived.
If this was survival, Sasuke would have chosen death long ago.
“Sasuke. Relax.”
“I hate you.”
Hesitation.
“You’re overreacting.”
//I know what you want.//
Silence.
//Haven’t you done enough?//
Nothing. Hands tracing along his back, creating a flare of pain every time they touched a bruise. His skin was cold from hatred and burning from the water, from the fox magic.
Heat, nearly intolerable, streamed down his spine, soaked through his muscles to get to his lungs, holding his shoulders and squeezing lightly, thumbs pressing into his flesh, moving his aching nerves and bruised muscles, strolling heat gently meandering around the circumference of the blackish-green mark on lily skin, getting the blood to return to the system.
Healing him.
Sasuke closed his eyes. He knew this game.
His problem was that he had trusted the demon. That was his first mistake. Not a lot, not more than he trusted total strangers, but he hadn’t suspected as muchhe she should have. He had seen the face, the fucking damnable face…and he hadn’t even questioned. He had hoped instead, had been stupid and childish instead of what he was trained and born to be. Wasn’t a shinobi’s job to look through illusions? Past the mask? Wasn’t it his? …Some effing ninja he turned out to be. Great job. You want a medal?
//…idiot.//
…he had trusted. He had simply seen the face and he hadn’t seen farther, he hadn’t wanted to see farther than that, he had let it get personal, let it get to close and even though he could have done…so effing…
He could have saved them. That’s what he was supposed to do. He could have done it. The Fire would have never happened. He would have stopped it. He should have done it. But he didn’t. He didn’t. For that face and those eyes…Fuck. Again.
…But he had blinked. It wasn’t a skirt that had turned his head, it was a smile that wasn’t very nice at all, that had too many teeth in it and was kind of nicotine-stained and no idiot would ever stop for something as jaded as that, any fool would have seen right through that and he should have never…
People had died. It was his fault.
He was feeling sorry for himself, feeling furious because of his own vanity and he didn’t dare let himself grieve. He didn’t dare think on it. He didn’t let his shoulders shake; didn’t give his body relief. He didn’t deserve it. Why? What for?
His fault. All his fucking fault.
…After all, wasn’t he letting the murderer rub his back just now? If he tried to rape him, tried to…do that again with him would he even bother to fight?
He had trusted, so it was easy for the demon to bring him down. He shouldn’t have trusted. That was his mistake.
He was making the mistake again.
He knew he was. He couldn’t stop it.
Hands didn’t stop touching his body, didn’t stop soothing it or heating it up to a comfortable unnatural state that he hadn’t felt since the brilliant sweaty summer’s breeze last August.
Sasuke couldn’t stop his body from reacting. He couldn’t do anything.
//Weak.//
Naruto raised his eyebrows slightly. He was listening in. He was not liking what he was hearing.
Fuck…
This was Sasuke damn it! Sasuke…Sasuke didn’t feel anything. He didn’t. He shouldn’t be thinking things like this. Naruto didn’t want him to.
What the hell was up with that?
//Lower.//
Naruto obliged without even questioning the request, keeping his fingers as gentle and slow as he could. This wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He didn’t want to know Sasuke was alive… Fuck for that there was Gaara! He didn’t need anymore living!
Sasuke hissed at the contact, his nerves twisting themselves double as pain stabbed briefly before relief flooded through them, Naruto’s thumbs rubbing hard on a spot off his shoulder blade and down along his vertebrae, following his will completely.
He hadn’t tried to stop the sigh that came up his throat, feeling his body sink down even more, feeling just so…exquisitely…wonderful.
Home.
Safe.
Safe.
Cherished.
//…damn.//
He was going to fall asleep like this. He foresaw this coming, and was kind of pissed because he wasn’t going to fight it, but he was altogether too tired to fight anymore or even get angry. The anger had finally taken its toll. Sasuke closed his eyes.
Through dimmed perspective, tired, warm, foggy and immensely pleased, he realized Naruto was humming under his breath. Something slow, something…a little quiet, it seemed. Sasuke didn’t care.
Fingers ran up his spine, pressing in between the joints, massaging them all around in steady, sure strokes. Sasuke was completely gone under his fingers. He inhaled and his eyes fluttered open when hands skimmed over his neck, getting right into it by pressing down over the nerves, pushing them around, poking into where he had been hit so many times before by the same damn hands and somehow…somehow easing away the ache. His hands were so warm…
…Not even warm, more like…like really hot. Burning coals pressing into his beleaguered nerves but God it felt really good to be pushed like that.
The pain was subsiding.
The pain that had been such a constant these past days…weeks…whatever…was going away. And Sasuke had gotten so very used to them, used to it, the feeling that it was going away made something in him turn and inhale deeply, sinking slack into the stone beneath him.
He didn’t want to remember. He didn’t want to think. He never, ever, wanted to feel anything in his existence, because what he was doing now certainly wasn’t living, not by any standard.
There was the just the faceless heat and the blind oblivion, and that’s all he wanted. Nothing more. Nothing less. Oblivion.
Life sucked.
So this was how Naruto was going to destroy him. Make him feel good and then take it away. That had always worked on him before; worked on him like a charm. A fucking good charm…he had wondered…huh. Not so bad. Not so bad at all…
//…don’t. You don’t want to. You can’t want to. You’re not really…//
Naruto raised an eyebrow at the tiny foreign whispering in his mind, like a child under the stairs calling up.
//…Don’t wanna do this. Not this. You don’t know what it’ll…Please.//
Naruto’s fingers remained steady. He was satisfied.
//So even after your self-hate party, my angel still has the self-interest to try and survive. Good for you. Might be hope yet for you to come. A real survivor, our demon-slayer.//
Sasuke’s thoughts tapped against his brain again, pleading.
//…You said you wouldn’t…you said you wouldn’t hurt me. You promised. I could trust you. You said. You shouldn’t be hurting anything. Idiot. Why did you…//
Naruto said nothing; continued to kneel by Sasuke’s side and touch his back and neck and arms, rubbing and massaging like he was. He didn’t need to look to know that Sasuke was crying in his sleep.
Sasuke had endured hell and worse, but people had…
…strange breaking points.
Naruto hadn’t thought that gentleness could be used as a weapon. He should have. In retrospect he should have. But he hadn’t.
He waited until Sasuke had fallen asleep completely before kissing him.
***
Gaara on the other hand…was not seething. He was not angry. And no, that was not sarcasm.
He wasn’t angry.
He wasn’t.
But he wanted to be.
He felt empty. He felt confused, swirly.
Naruto wanted Sasuke. How Naruto wanted Sasuke, what as exactly, was uncertain, because not even Naruto knew. He just knew he did, and was waiting for everything to fall in place from there.
Gaara had always known of this attraction, of this desire. He had known of it forever, back when he had first really met Sasuke and fought Naruto for him, for his life. The first time he had really paid attention to them was when Naruto was saving Sasuke’s life from him, willing to kill Gaara to achieve it. There was an attraction there, a bond he couldn’t quite understand but kne was was there.
It was never news to him. It had never really… meant anything special to him…but now it was a big deal. Now it took up large parts of himself thinking about it. Naruto wanted Sasuke. As an enemy or rival or friend or lover…who the hell knew? Really knew? Gaara didn’t know, but he understood it to a degree.
Naruto wanted Sasuke’s attention, all of it. He wanted to be his world. The dark world, the unforgiving world, the peaceful world, the happy world. He wanted to be all of that, for Sasuke.
And it was just now bothering Gaara.
Naruto had hunted himd lad laughed and cursed and hated and tried to kill him…and then he had rescued him and…said he cared. Not how much, or how exactly he cared or what Gaara meant to him, but just that he cared. Somehow. And that he wouldn’t leave Gaara. That was…
Something moved in Gaara’s peripheral vision, and turned to a bloody scrap on his whim. A mountain hare. Big deal.
He had no idea how Gaara thought of him; what he wanted of him. He thought it was just sleep and sex…he really thought that was all. Simple companionship. He thought that was all Gaara needed. Simple friendship.
Sasuke could bring emotions out in Naruto that Gaara had only been able to touch lightly a few times. Anger, jealously, real laughter--and Sasuke did it all so effortlessly. Without even really trying. Naruto seemed so alive, his smile beamed and his snarl killed when he was talking to Sasuke, talking about Sasuke.
Gaara could even tell when Naruto was thinking about Sasuke, because his eyes always seemed to be looking at something very far away--a sort of melancholy contentment. Naruto was almost never sad--if he was he never allowed Gaara to see him that way. But when he was with Sasuke…his eyes seemed to burn dully, seemed to reflect the pale light of the stars in the lapis and cerulean shards. It was easy to tell when Naruto was thinking about Sasuke.
Gaara meant something to Naruto. Sasuke meant something to Naruto. Even the pink girl, Sakura, still meant something to Naruto. He had never been forgiven for that, Gaara knew. He still hadn’t been forgiven--which hurt, not because he was sorry it had happened, because he wasn’t, but hurt because Naruto still held it against him. Still didn’t…something to him. About Gaara. Naruto still didn’t something Gaara…
…after he had done--Gaara didn’t blush, but his blood still shivered once, warmed and hurt and healed all in a simultaneous paradoxical biological reaction. After he had done… that…with him. To him. For him.
…fuck…
//…me again…//
Mainly, it meant that even if Sasuke were dead, he would still mean a lot of Naruto.
Killing him wouldn’t solve anything, wouldn’t gain attention. This was one situation where killing would not make a whole lot of difference. It would only make more facts, make things permanent. But it wouldn’t win Sasuke’s spot that Naruto had made for him. It would just lock it up.
Gaara didn’t want to lock it up. He ed ied it for himself.
***
Naruto sighed loudly and snuggled more into his pillow. It, like the sheets, smelled of sweat and sex, of Gaara and him.
Gaara who wasn’t there right then. Who hadn’t been there for three days running.
The last time was in the morning, watching Gaara walk out the door showered and silent. He should’ve pickp thp the signs earlier. But there were a lot of things Naruto should have done, should be able to do and be doing, but because he wasn’t Superman or as immortal and capable as people believed, as untouchable as he had made himself seem to everyone and everything he couldn’t control the world as much as he wanted to.
Made himself look the devil.
//Well…maybe the devil’s not holding all the cards. Maybe he’s not as cool as you think he is. Maybe he’s just stumbling around too, did you ever think of that? …Stupid Sasuke. I hate Sasuke. I hate Sasuke.//
Naruto finally said the thoughts in his head that had been sneaking up on him from every corner, from every direction, from every time he heard footsteps carefully trying to be silent running away from him, from every time Gaara looked at his shoulder with that intense and foggy longing and walked out, from every time Sasuke refused to acknowledge him. Told him he was beyond hating him. Told him he didn’t care if he lived or died anymore.
//…And everything was *not* falling together…//
Naruto sighed again and squirmed, wanting to cry a little bit. Not a deep heartfelt liquidation of woes, but just an indulgent little sob where he felt sorry forselfself, then would bounce back up and give someone hell. Make things a little better, a little more lively again. It had been so lively before, when Sasuke and--
--And Sakura was here.
He didn’t though, in case Gaara suddenly came in. There’d be hell to explain, or at least hell to run from in Naruto’s case.
He was jerked awake some hours later.
"What the hell do you think you’re doing in my bed?"
Naruto drooped down from his shoulder, too exhausted and depressed to even comeback with a good insult or sarcasm.
"Laying on it. What do you think?"
Everyone was PMSing at him, it seemed, and the really weird thing in his castle of the undead was that they were all guys. How could guys PMS? It was amazing!
At least Gaara looked clehoughough. Cranky, but clean and pretty healthy, or at least as healthy as he ever looked. There were still circles around his eyes, thinner though, and there seemed to be more life in his eyes lately. He smelled faintly like blood; he usually did.
He jerked Naruto’s head up by his hair, drinking in his eyes before Naruto shoved his hand away, wincing when Gaara gripped his shoulder painfully hard.
"Your little fuck toy doesn’t work quite right, does he? …Maybe bro broken."
It was freaky to watch Gaara smirk. He didn’t seem to be moving at all, his face never showed emotion naturally. Everything was orchestrated, like he was a machine or a doll. It was freaky…and he always looked young, no matter what. It was an adult expression on a young face; it was just freaky.
Naruto scowled, and pushed Gaara away, harder than either were expecting and got off the bed.
"He’s not a toy…" he muttered sulkily, heading slouched to the door. Gaara watched in amazement and near admiration.
"What did he do to you?"
Naruto slowed down, his ears pricked hopefully for a bit of pity.
"You idiot. And you let him in too…look how low he’s brought you."
Well, Gaara sounded cheerful. Like he was laughing. Probably thought the whole thing was funny as hell. Naruto sighed again, prayed for sarcasm, and decided just to walk out and deal with Gaara later on, on his own terms. Anyway, Gaara was dependent on him now. It wasn’t like he could stay away.
"Naruto."
He put his hand on the doorknob, pulled, and looked down. Sand was chinked in between the hinges and piled up against the wooden door. He could feel Gaara smirking at his back.
"Get back here."
Naruto sighed again, silently this time, and just for theatrics placed his fingertips on the wooden door and closed his eyes. Fragments burst and splintered out, some smoking and catching fire in the hallway. Gaara was going to have to get himself a new room. This one needed repairs.
"See you later," was all Naruto said.
Gaara watched in mild surprise, a little consternation rumbling in his stomach and considered going after him before deciding against it. Naruto was dependent on him now. It wa lik like he could stay away long. Especially with his little fuck toy broken, or unwilling. Tonight proved that. And yet…for him to use his powers so lightly…Wow.
Sasuke really had him hung up over him.
Gaara couldn’t help pulling back his lips to show his teeth.
***
Under his breath Sasuke whimpered and crunched his stomach more, pressing his arm into it to get the hunger pangs to stop.
Light danced in front of his eyes, inside of his brain. He couldn’t think. He was going to be sick.
He was sick. He was starving.
He closed his eyes hard, tried not to move much curled into as small a ball as he could fit to try and conserve warmth. He was freezing. God he just wanted to sleep. He couldn’t get out. This wasn’t even a real cell; just a hole in the solid stone, without door or light or air. He was running out of air. It was a hole in solid rock and he was trapped in it. If he had the chakra he could move the stone, get out that way. He didn’t have it.
If he couldn’t get out he couldn’t eat. No one fed him, and when they did they tried to poison him. Suppose they forgot about him completely, left him here to die?
//…Just sleep. Just sleep now and later…later…later I can think of something else. Later.//
//Fuck.//
//…yeah. That later. Later.//
Finally, gently…he could feel himself drifting…
Sasuke awoke to find himself being dragged out by the back of his shirt, thrown against the wall outside a hall. He had a short glimpse of Naruto striding towards him, eyes hard and steady, sheer power seeming to roll off him in waves.
Pain exploded in his jaw quicker than he could see, Naruto’s foot indenting his stomach and throwing him down the hall a feet to hit first against the ceiling before falling down to the floor, hands held out and struggling to find whatever energy reservoirs he might have had left and--
The back of his skull cracked against the naked stone, pain numbing everything out and a furious golden stampede banging on the thin sheet of his mental barriers, screaming for entrance, cracking the shielding and nearly coming through and Sasuke hit the dirt outside of the castle before his mind fell apart. He curled up, remembered who and what he was and tried to get his bearings.
Fresh wind whipped harshly over his head.
“So…Sasuke. We’ve talked a lot about me. Let’s talk about you now.” Naruto had smiled mirthlessly, his voice dry. He hadn’t looked at his face. He couldn’t.
“Start with your brother. We’ll work our way down from there.”
That was a command.
***
Heeeey! Waidaminit!! Wait just a polyp-picking minute!! I see your game! You will not sink my Cheerio!! I see what is transpiring here!!! You’re all zombie thigh-fat people brought into animation by some evil force of forceful evil!!! Shit! That lipstick is the wrong color for you!!
--Happy Noodle Boy, Johnny The Homicidal Maniac: Director’s Cut, Jhohen Vasquez
***
The fox made him talk. He forced him.
Sasuke Uchiha is beyond pain, beyond humiliation, coasting on the other side of both. He talks now of what he was taught, defaulting to his training that Kakashi gave him instincly. ly. Morality and teamwork; ethics aren’t something that’s paramount to him, but it’s something he knows. He is not real sure what he is saying or what he means. He just talks. He won’t have the fox in his head again.
The wind dry as bone cuts across his skin, pulls away at his sweat and smell, but his words are still heard. His throat aches, tongue thick and he pays it no mind. His eyes are steady and dry. The wind took what moisture they had. The fox is flaming, burning. He isn’t afraid of it.
“They died for you. They would have died for you and you killed them and it means nothing to you.”
“They would have killed me! At any time, any moment they wanted to always.”
“But they didn’t. You did. That’s the point. Maybe they did want to, maybe they did hate you, but they had every right to be afraid.”
Naruto couldn’t disagree with that. It was so stupid it was true; he wasn’t going to beat an idiot at his own game. His voice was bitter. “Maybe they should have killed me, then, when they had the chance. They should have, but they were afraid.”
Sasuke lifted an eyebrow with killing precision. “Of what? A snotty brat with tacky clothes and no skills? I could have killed you easily; you were never a challenge.”
Naruto laughed softly, “In your dreams, Pin-Up Boy. You did try, and you couldn’t do it.”
Sasuke shrugged. He never looks at him; at at the ground. His eyes are blank, unfed. ed.
“You’re not the one I’m after.”
Naruto’s expression reeled.
Just like that he said it, out in the open where anyone could hear it and it became a true thing.
//…//
“You’re not the one I care about. As for the others, well,” Sasuke shrugged again, as human as he ever was, cold and distant and beautiful.
“Maybe they thought you were worth something.” Black touched blue for the first time in what seemed years, gently, not out of gentleness but because strength wasn’t needed. He’s hurt him. He knows he’s hurt him, so he looks at him.
Naruto didn’t flinch, obviously, but he didn’t answer either, for a short time.
//There’s your weakness. Which bit was it? The part where I said I didn’t care? Or the part where you’re not important? I wonder.//
“They were stupid,” Naruto answered evenly. “And now they’re dead. I’m not sorry.”
Sasuke shrugged. “Whatever.”
***
What right did they have to decide my future? Because they were older? Because they were the adults and I was the kid so that made everything ok? Because I couldn’t say anything? Because I couldn’t fight back?
They chose a child, a weakling, to do their dirty work, to be the lamb, and then they got pissecauscause I don’t go where I’m led! I go where I want, where I say, now I’m the adult and I have the power!
They had no right. They had no right to lock me up like that, to throw me into life without a compass or a guide, to just come out of it clean because I was the fucking-brilliant-Hokage’s son.
…The father who gave his own son to the wolves, who died for the wolves that tore his son apart.
No.
No, I’m not him, and I hope I never am.
***
Dry wind cut close to grouground, but sandwiched between the stone at his back and the fox creature in front of him, it didn’t touch Sasuke. His shoulders were shaking slightly, head down against his chest with one arm limp at his side and the other thrown across his legs. He isnryinrying. He has only cried once while awake, and he isn’t going to start again now.
“Heh, it’s kinda funny though isn’t it Sasuke? How you didn’t even ask about anything or anyone else until I showed you…how you didn’t even call me traitor then, not like you’re doing now. In the beginning all you could think about was your own pretty shitty self; all of sudden now everybody else is more important. Now that they’re gone.”
He looks relaxed. His face ands ars are blank and shiny, perfect as a wax statue. His hair still hangs artistically down, perfectly impossibly pure black. He doesn’t seeal,eal, not really connected this world or hard stone and cold wind. His fingers don’t move, don’t even twitch for long spans of time. But for the subtle rise of his chest and the infrequent blinking of his eyes, he could be dead.
“You never care about anyone until they’re gone, until it’s really too late. You never would have noticed if I hadn’t showed you directly. You arrogant bastard. And you actually look down on me.”
“I think you were right. You don’t care about anything, anyone. Just yourself. Huh,” Naruto was laughing softly, “Hell…that sounds familiar, but I believe it’s true on you. You’re cold enough to do it. Compared to you, I’m not even sure half the things here have the right to call themselves demons. Not compared to you darling.”
“Angel,” Naruto whispered in his ear, his lips brushing his icy skin, “Do you see it now? Do you see why I want you by my side?” He put his hands on his shoulders, and Sasuke didn’t bother to shove him away. He could have done, but he didn’t bother. “You’re just like me; you always were. We’re not so different, and I want…”
“I want you back on my side. If you’re angry with me that’s cool, and if you want to beat me up some that’s okay too. But I want you back on my side; I need you back on my side. Not as lovers, not as friends if you don’t want to…but I want your allegiance.”
“No.” There was warm breath against neckneck, waking free breath against his skin. Sasuke hadn’t pushed him away yet. He was saying no, but he hadn’t pushed him away yet. Actions had always spoken louder than words with Sasuke.
“You have no one to lose now. I can give you anything, anyone…your brother is no match against me, and he knows it, Sasuke.”
“I have to kill him. I have to be the one. You don’t count.”
“But I can help you. Let me help you. I give you some, you give me some, and it’s all fair.”
“You won’t tee whe what you want from me.”
“I want you by my side. Help me fight, help me win, and I can give you anything you want. Anything you desire I’ll give you.”
“Help you kill people?”
“That’s what the Anbu do. That’s what the Jounin do, what you’re paid to do. It doesn’t matter who you’re killing or why; it’s just your job, it’s all professional. Not personal, there’s nothing wrong with it. I can give you more power than what Orochimaru ever could, and all I’m asking is your allegiance.”
“To sleep with you.”
“No. To fight with me. To fight for me. I…I was never Hokage, and I never will be, but I still…have that power. I still want you by my side.”
Finally, Sasuke pushed him back a little, looking into his face.
It was the same face he remembered, the one he had dreamed about and even adored a little bit as a child. The same shiny blue eyes that looked exactly like the sky looked after the late autumn rains had come, and were brighter than the brown trees but somehow more somber as well. The hair wild, pointing out in all directions with the same elegance of a palm tree, and the same color of late Sunday afternoon sunshine. The elfish chin, pointed, and skin a little darker than what he remembered but…
It really was his face. Naruto hadn’t aged at all from what he had last seen him, and it was still his face. The one he had adored. The one he still found beautiful.
Naruto waited.
Sasuke gave him his answer.
He meant every word of it.
***
Sasuke pushed his hands hard against the stonewall, against the burning hot chest at his back and hands that never stopped moving, roaming. Delirium. Agitation. He hissed between clenched teeth and tried to jerk away again.
The fox has taken the sky away again, has taken the wind away from him, has taken the ugly orange sunlight. He doesn’t ask for it back, and knows that what he feels and thinks isn’t private, so he doesn’t think about it. It’s dark and cold again, the air a still tomb.
//Stop this// he whispered quietly, confident that he would be heard and confident that he would be refused.
"No," steamed the word in Sasuke’s ear, the shell a little cold and trembling from hunger and dehydration, the warmth teasing him and making him twitch. "Stop fighting," Naruto’s voice invited, sweet and thick as honey, and just as sticky.
Sasuke hissed again, whipping hisd dod down away and biting his lip as he felt warm seductive softness trail over his cheek, searching for his mouth. Naruto’s hips seemed to cup perfectly over his back, cushion and protect him, offering him protection, offering him pleasure, offering surcease from the pain and anger racking his mind, the silent grief he still couldn’t answer, still couldn’t feel.
Golden hardness rubbing slightly at the boundaries of his mind, trying to get in, trying to drug him into an insubstantial fantasy that wasn’t true and didn’t matter. Showing him his dreams and nightmares all in one go, with Naruto standing right over his shoulder adding running commentary like his life was just some…cold documentary for him to look at. Like Sasuke wasn’t important. Like Sasuke didn’t matter.
It was like Itachi. It was like Itachi all over again.
Itachi was no longer a person anymore; it was an event, a promise, a goal. It was no longer a person, no longer his brother. It was an event. Synonymous with massacre, with grief, with pain, with tragedy.
It was Itachi all over again.
Naruto slid around him, against him, warm and powerful and strong and desiring him so much in everything he did, from his chest gently pushing against his back to their hips slowly rocking together, smoldering broad palms running up his chest that always recoiled a little from his touch, from each new movement, even when Naruto had made him whimper unwillingly and shudder by stroking and pinching his nipples hard, to the point of pain and beyond, his mouth sucking and biting hard at Sasuke’s neck.
Sasuke was in pain. Sasuke was in pain and Naruto causing it, and he couldn’t get away and couldn’t surrender to anything: Not the pain and not the promise. Not the hands stroking his stomach and his sides fondly, never venturing lower but steadily moving down, nails scraping burning red paths while a tongue probed at the tight bunched muscles at the base of his neck.
Memories stole freely through Sasuke’s mind, perhaps urged on by Naruto and perhaps not.
//Fuck it, get out!! Get out!//
Sasuke gasped and tried to breathe air that wasn’t saturated with the fox’s smell, with the fox’s taste.
//…get out!//
//…get out.//
A young Greek god; bronzed with vibrant golden hair, yelling and cursing colorfully at him, light blue eylazilazing madly. Another memory, nearly the same but tinted pastel with fondness, of Naruto wet and sputtering madly at him after he’d pushed the Apollo into the lake. Of Naruto napping on the grass near him in the park while they waited for their teammates, too trusting or too tired and stupid to watch Sasuke. That was during Naruto’s insomnia attacks preceding both fires on his apartment; nights regularly consisting of tiny pebbles being thrown at Sasuke’s window until he returned fire with much deadlier shuriken or took the moron out for the ramen he always craved.
He would smile at Sasuke openly over a bowl of steaming noodles, crack some new dirty joke he learned from Kakashi-sensei and tease him about when he was going to get a girlfriend. Once Sasuke had said that Naruto couldn’t get himself a date to save his life, and they’d started yelling and throwing salt and pepper paper packages at each other, before trying to stiff the other for the bill. Sasuke always walked Naruto back to his apartment. Naruto always talked to him about nearly everything—from girls to training to dreams to his fears. Sometimes he’d lean against Sasuke; once he’d fallen asleep against him in the restaurant. He had let him sleep there, and had known exactly why he was doing it.
Images of Naruto, pensive, quiet, looking altogether too----Sasuke fought back hard one last time.
He nearly screamed, settled for keening in his throat with his teeth tight together when the fingers prodding gently into his stomach and making him twitch by investigating his navel suddenly stumbled along his belly to clutch his crotch, already feverishly hot and shamefully hard by the painful stimulus back and forth, and shot back panicking, pressed hot and tight into Naruto’s arms and nestled in Naruto’s hips, hard probing warmth at his butt cheeks simultaneously revolting and terrifying and exciting him all at once, emotions vying and stampeding for dominance.
::You do me. me. You do. You fucker quit fighting; you do. Give in.::
::Give in.::
::Want me.::
::Surcease.::
Sasuke arched, trying to climb the wall and not hit his head on the wall while keeping his mouth out of Naruto’s reach unsuccessfully, eyes wide open and unseeing while his clenched fists slapped gently at the wall, a high whimper escaping his throat.
Humid hot spiciness, slightly bland gentleness invaded and rocked his mouth and fucked his tongue, his eyes sliding closed all by themselves, hands hard and comfortingly warm and slow. A throbbing in his ass, frightening and tempting all at the same time.
//Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh--//
::Yes::
//Oh yes…yeah just like…//
Sasuke could feel the back of his neck being cradled on Naruto’s shoulder, could feel startling warm hands holding him, one caressing his stomach in a soothing and seductive movement, making him tremble in a way that didn’t hurt so much. He opened his eyes and saw only the shadowy darkness, shapeless with not a whole lot of tone, and against his will felt very safe. He could feel Naruto’s tongue moving in his mouth gently, fondling him everywhere inside him.
//…no.//
Sasuke Uchiha closed his eyes again in the demon’s arms.
Naruto slid away from the kiss smoothly; the tip of nosenose trailing along Sasuke’s cheekbones and Sasuke didn’t dare open his eyes, moving his head slowly away.
"You’re keeping something from me," Naruto stated softly, his fingers probing and stroking firmly between his inner thighs, feeling the fragile blushing flesh throb and jump under his fingers.
Sasuke was trembling like a leaf while his stomach ping-ponged around in his skin, toes curling and body arching a little under protest. He could feel Naruto’s heartbeat. In his ass. Against his back, right in back of his own heart. He was blushing so hard—this had to be the most embarrassing thing he had ever done. And it wasn’t even doi doing it!
Sasuke slid around in his arms so that he was facing Naruto, sliding down against the wall and through his legs in escape with the uncanny grace and speed so many envied him for. He didn’t actually run, just put some space of a few feet between them while pretending to adjust his clothes, ran his fingers through his hair, brushing it out of his face. Tried to adjust his personality, his mind.
He didn’t act like this. Everybody had their breaking points, but Uchiha Sasuke was not one of them. He kept fighting to the end. He did. He had to. His family needed him to, his name needed him to. He couldn’t break. He could never break. Never. He wasn’t allowed to.
Dark energy steamed from Naruto as he slowly turned around, turned away from the wall. He could feel his eyes burning on his back.
"You know, I should have killed you. The only reason I didn’t was because it was more entertaining to break you beforehand. But I will kill you," Naruto stated flatly to Sasuke’s turned and gently trembling back.
//Like you killed them? Go ah Fin Finish it.//
From helpless to Uchiha arrogance in 3.6 seconds. Give the man a fucking medal. Icy cold detachment, same old pride. Same old Sasuke. But weaker now; you could hear it in his voice, see it in his diffident stance.
//Eat me…burn me. Eating them—now that is inhuman. You aren’t human. You aren’t him. Demon. Traitor.//
//What did it feel like killing them? You’re always saying you want me to know, but then you never tell me.//
Naruto gave this due thought.
"So you want to know now?"
Sasuke shrugged.
//Sure. Whatever. You’re probably right in saying that you’ll kill me// Naruto’s eyebrows shot up. Sasuke was admitting vulnerability, inevitability? Goodness… //But I doubt you will. I know you won’t break me// he ended confidently, quietly; for once empty of all bravado. He said it in his head. He couldn’t lie in his head, in his own mind. He knew when he was doing it so Naruto always knew too.
It was a simple fact he knew. Naruto might very well kill him; he had changed enough to do so. But casual cruelty wasn’t something that Sasuke was explicitly sensitive to, and he would never surrender to a demon. A monster. Not to any traitor. Not ever, not that way.
Naruto probed Sasuke’s mind curio, ru, ruthlessly, and came up blank. There was no reasoning; there were barely emotions. He was too exhausted to have cohesive clear thought, clear enough that Naruto could pick up on.
"What do you want to know? What is it you want to hear? That I enjoyed it? That I liked killing them?"
Sasuke didn’t move. He had enough trouble concentrating on not falling off his feet.
"Yeah. Yeah I guess I did. They were my Itachi. They were my problem. They were always my destiny…but the requirements changed. I wanted them to acknowledge me, but there was only one way to do it."
Sasuke’s shoulders twitched. He had laughed.
"Only one way I felt like doing it, anyway," Naruto amended coldly. “Just ‘cause I don’t have some drama old House on my name with dentures fifteen generations old like you and the Hyuuga doesn’t mean I ain’t got my pride, my dignity. I did what I wanted. Which is more than most people can say, you included.”
Sasuke didn’t rise to it. Naruto was sure he had heard it.
“Why do you suddenly care?”
//You know…what your problem is?// Sasuke trailed off, sinking lower and clutching his stomach in detached pain, his mind still running on greased wheels. //You care too much…you dummy…they weren’t important. They were never important. You were important, and you let them do this to you…this monster…you idiot.//
Naruto had always been loud (to attract attention) and obnoxious (to show he didn’t care about what anybody said, because he was strong). He had always envied Sasuke per personal way that the darker boy really didn’t deserve. Unlike Naruto, Sasuke really didn’t care what people thought about him, what they said. As long as he could fight for his goal, his life objective, he didn’t really care what they said or did (either worshipping him or calling him traitor) because he knew where he stood in life (chasing his brother). And Naruto, for all his dreams of becoming Hokage, had no idea where he stood, because he barely understood what he was, where he stood with himself. He didn’t know; he didn’t have that certainty. Sasuke did, and Naruto hated him for it.
They told him he was a monster, and he believed them, because he didn’t know what he really was inside. Iruka-sensei had said that he wasn’t, but Iruka-sensei always saw a mini-mirror of himself in Naruto, so it was hard to know if he was talking about Naruto or himself. Sasuke had always known that Naruto was weak inside—he had always taken care of him, out for ramen and of trf trouble when he could. He still saw Naruto as weak. Naruto saw himself as the strongest freaking creature to walk the living earth since the dark ages.
The Sharingan saw past illusions.
The fire burned in his skin, in his mouth and Naruto had to hold himself back. Hard. His teeth gritted and his eyes turned a furious dark red. His voice growled animal-like. “I was. I was before they did anything I was before—”
//You were afraid to fight. For yourself. You always were, you never really thought you were good enough, just ‘cause of what they said. All you were ever good at was rebelling…and look where that’s brought you. Alone.//
Sasuke twitched gently like a leaf in the wind.
//Has it ever…occurred to you. That I don’t owe you. Anything.//
Naruto lifted an eyebrow carefully. Sasuke was adjusting altogether too quickly for his tastes. Damn. He dt ant answer.
//I didn’t ask you to save me. I didn’t ask your permission to live. I don’t really care about you. I didn’t ask you to leave. I didn’t want you to leave. Honestly…you’re such a child somet…// …//
Sasuke was slowly falling to his knees. Well, falling slowly so to speak, because Sasuke was a tall person. First he crumpled slightly at the ankles, then at the knees, and then his pelvis gradually allowed him to go down a little until he was resting slly sly sitting on his heels. Naruto doubted he had realized it; realized that he was nearly on his knees in front of him. Sasuke had too much pride to do that in front of him, even now.
//I didn’t…it doesn’t matter anymore. You left. You died out there. You’re not him. He was a nice guy.//
“Shut up.”
//Nothing matters…dead…//
//…I don’t die here. Not by…hand. Another. I kill him…or I die by his... I have to kill him. I have to kill him. That’s all that matters. It doesn’t change. I never should have trusted…//
//A pain in the ass, but he was more decent than I’ll ever be, you know?//
Naruto shifted.
“I said shut up,” Naruto slapped down coldly as he marched silently over to Sasuke, fully intent on finishing what he had started. The hell with humiliation. Death was so much easier. Quality was for other people, he’d take time. Quantity was what really mattered. His fingers gripped Sasuke’s hair while his other hand grew a little longer, a little stronger, and got ready to swipe…
//He made me laugh, sometimes…//
Naruto’s eyes widened.
//…I never dt…wht…while he was looking but…he never could lie. To anyone. Even me. He was like that…Decent. Stupid. Lost…nice…//
Naruto struck hard.
***
Aziraphale. The Enemy, of course. But an enemy for six thousand years now, which made him sort of a friend.
-- Crowley the demon on Aziraphale the angel, Good Omens, Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman
This isn’t about love as in caring. This is about property as in ownership.
-- Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk
***
It had always been like for so long. On opposite sides of the spectrum, yet always thrown together. They provided balance for each other, and whether they liked it or not, whether they liked each other or not, they did work well together. Flawless. They were two sides of the coin, yin and yang, and together…
…together they were whole.
They were nearly the same person, so alike--too alike to be different. Too different to be alike.
Why do you want to take that stolen thing?
Being around Sasuke was like being back home again, being back in his old classroom that smelled of pencil shavings and human sweat and the very, very faint tint of sandalwood that scented the jutsu smoke. It was feeling the grass slide out beneath his feet, cushion and cradle him, while shuriken and kunai came flying at him and he retaliated back, a familiar old passionate rivalry. It was ramen late at night watching old horror flicks attache Iru Iruka-sensei’s side, scarfing down cereal in the morning while Kakashi-sensei tried to get him to eat vegetables.
He wanted to touch him. He wanted to touch him so badly it felt like his arms were trembling.
His arms weren’t trembling. His arms were still. He was in control.
Sasuke was lying just a foot away on the floor, his body cold, dark hair draped over his eyes shut closed. His lips were blue, face still.
Naruto sat against the wall, arms wrapped around himself and legs pulled up slightly.
Cold, austere, agonizingly distant with his dark cool elegance--seductively close with his vicious cruel instinct, pragmatism. If for a slight change in his blood, the circumstances in his birth…Sasuke would have made a beautiful demon. People would have lined up at his feet, worshipped him, and then begged him to kill them, to eat them as the old gods had so that they might become part of what he was. So that they might feel his touch, even if it was fleeting and lethal.
Naruto’s chest constricted tight, hurting his organs. The angle just below his eyes was agitated, warm, and the insides of his thighs were blushing. The skin under his chin felt too sensitive. He clenched his hands together, wanting the nails to dig into his skin so the blood would come--wanted the pain--so he would stop looking at Sasuke. Sasuke helpless and vulnerable so very damn close to him. Stop looking at what he couldn’t have. He always chased after the impossible…
Did Sasuke have any idea what he did to him? Did he even care?
…Probably not. He st
After all that.
After all that and Sasuke still wouldn’t look at him like he wanted him to. He still wasn’t af of of him. He wouldn’t admit how they fit into each other’s lives, how they just worked together, whether they were helping each other out or at each other’s throats, they just fit together.
Sasuke’s face like porcelain and ivory, so cold and emotionless, dead. Even his eyes looked dead sometimes. Sasuke by himself, without his clothes, was completely wit col color, a stark black and white contrast. No shades of gray, no bending, no color, no life.
Just the line.
Did he have any idea what he did to him?
Naruto hated him. Sasuke was perfection.
Not the tip, not the bottom, he just was perfection. Naruto was not perfection. Naruto was the exact opposite of perfection. Sasuke was an angel. Naruto was a demon. Sasuke was aristocracy. Naruto was gutter trash.
Naruto houghought Sasuke all his life, even before he had met Sasuke. Naruto had fought him the faces of the other children, the ones thnew new they belonged. He had fought him in the faces of the adults who looked down at him, secure and not alone and high up in the social ladder…
He had fought the idea of Sasuke all his life. His image. Even before they had met, Naruto had known Sasuke. Hated Sasuke. Envied Sasuke. Wanted Sasuke.
And Sasuke…
…Sasuke didn’t care a thing about Naruto.
Naruto didn’t hold a place in Sasuke’s life. He was just ‘that guy’, that kid that was on his teao ano and helped out sometimes, but was still just a regular dobe and jerk and not too big a deal, just a loudmouth, nothing really to worry about. Not such a very vital part of his life. The only vitals in Sasuke’s life were Strength and Itachi. Not that Dead Last Naruto, hyperactive brain-dead ninja.
He was still that idiot. Still.
Even after his display of skill, his superiority, and his viciousness. Still that idiot Naruto always had been in Sasuke’s eyes, except now he had better skill, more muscle, and a sharper edge. Guess that made Naruto a type of bully now, in Sasuke’s eyes.
Sasuke had chased after power all his life to kill Itachi, to follow through with the only constant in his life that he knew. Anger. Anger and loss. Everything that went wrong with his life--everything that went wrong with the world all stemmed from Itachi.
It wasn’t even a matter of real anger anymore. It was a matter of habit, a matter of ritual. Sasuke had said he would do it, and pride--foolish, foolish pride--would hold him to it. It was completely possible he didn’t even want Itachi dead anymore, didn’t care too much anymore. Itachi was his only family, even if he was insane and a murderer; family was family. Not that Naruto would really understand anything about that, the only family he knew about had sacrificed him coming and going; to the fox and his people.
Sasuke would still chase after him. It was a thing he did.
Some 18 something years in this world, and Itachi had fully occupied Sasuke’s life for 13 years in it. The first 5 years it had been out of love, out of admiration to his super-cool older brother. Now it was hate. For 13, 12 years, Itachi had been Sasuke’s sun and moon, the sky above his head, his reason for getting out of bed in the morning. Not to continue life, but to end it.
After Itachi was dead, by Sasuke’s hand or another’s, what would Sasuke do? What could he do? He wouldn’t have a reason to get out of bed in the morning anymore. He wouldn’t have a reason to live anymore.
n Itn Itachi died, so did Sasuke.
So did Sasuke.
Sasuke.
Masoned cold stone, worn flat and smooth through time and tear and wear, a thousand feet of a thousand invaders and killers had walked and run and died in these stone corridors. Had died without sunlight, without the blue sky over their head, with only the darkness and the cold flat stone under their dying bodies. The stone was cold under Naruto’s posterior, under his palms, seeping through them and stealing the heat and energy from him.
Sasuke was so cold.
Make a deal with the devil. Make a deal with death. Give me what I want, and I’ll give you anything. Everything. Just give me what I want. Take it all. Give me what I want.
Why do you want to take that stolen thi
Naruto had power. Sasuke wanted power. Sasuke wanted nothing to do with Naruto. He wouldn’t even hate him anymore. He refused the see the binds that held them together, that drew them together no matter how much they despised each other--as rivals and opposites, fellow jerks and orphans locked in an immortal dance.
Whether it was a dance at night chasing each other with teeth or knives or dancing in the bed in sweat and lust, it was still there. The dance went on, though the floor and music and dress changed, the dance went on and they would always be partners locked in it. And now Sasuke wouldn’t do it anymore. Sasuke quit. Just like that. Like it didn’t matter.
Like Naruto didn’t matter.
He hated Sasuke. And now that he had the power, now that he could break him, feel his spirit shatter, watch that untouchable ivory mask splinter and explode, watch the fragments of that core that he hated so deeply, since he was young and a child and couldn’t even tie his shoes--because he wanted it and couldn’t have it…
Naruto couldn’t hurt him. He couldn’t hurt Sasuke. He couldn’t let anybody else hurt him either.
He wanted to, had wanted to for a long while now. It was Sasuke’s fault. It was always Sasuke’s fault. He had meant to hurt him, had dreamed of hurting him, but now he couldn’t. Couldn’t even hold the knife close to him without his hand shaking within his control.
Sasuke was lying there cold on the ground, right where Naruto could touch him and kiss him and run his fingers through his hair and stick his tongue in his mouth, tasting the dark sweet tangy zest of Sasuke…could shove his hand through his chest, crash slushy through his ribcage, could carve up his face, damage that beautiful perfection just to see it fall, just so everyone would know what Sasuke was, what he had been through and what he was to Naruto, that he was weaker than Naruto, that he was claimed…
Damn.
…No. Naruto had lied. Naruto could hurt Sasuke. Naruto could, because even though his hand trembled, even though he cringed in the back of his eyes, even though his stomach attached itself to his spine, Naruto could still control himself enough to hurt Sasuke.
Looking to his side, Naruto took a knife out his red duster. Even though he wasn’t shinobi anymore, he still preferred the stone kunai to metal knives. Stone didn’t catch the light as much, was heavier so it could be thrown farther, even if it was harder to sharpen, wasn’t as convenient to carry around.
Naruto leaned forward and moved to his knees, crouched over Sasuke’s still form lying on his stomach, completely unaware. Completely innocent and nearly pure; tainted, but with that silver crystalline light still glimmering in his soul. The perfect hero. The perfect lamb.
Demon Slayer. Demon Hunter.
Demon King.
Naruto wanted to touch him. He could smell him stronger now, feel the heat that was just so slightly leaking in a comfortable, alluring way across the dead-cold stone, across the gray and dark. The lifeblood of Sasuke, his body-heat, unconsciously reaching out for Naruto. The smell of his sweat, salty and a little like peanuts, almonds, sour and slightly rank. Naruto hadn’t let him shower in god knew how long. It was easier to smell him this way, easier to find him. He liked Sasuke’s smell.
His fingers did not tremble; he did not let them.
The tip of the knife cut along the skin right of his eye, traced down along his cheek, the blood welling up and serenely spilling over the side down the slide of his nose, over it. It nearly looked like Sasuke was crying tears of blood.
Red on white. Violence and purity.
Naruto lifted the knife, scrutinizing his handiwork, admiring the affect. Sasuke was beautiful. It would take a lot of work to tear that beauty away. Tainting it only made it more striking, tender by contrast. A coppery giddy smell slid into his nose, made him feel alive, vital and turbulent.
He twisted the knife around in his hand, so that the blood coated its surface, so that not a drop of Sasuke’s blood was wasted on the cold stone. He waited a while, so that the blood would dry on the blade. He could smell it so strong. He wanted to touch Sasuke’s face, wipe away the blood tears that fell unheeded down his face and taste Sasuke’s blood on his fingers, on his tongue. Wanted to lick Sasuke’s cheek, taste the crimson violent life that thrummed in his face against the cold purity of his salty skin. God he wanted to taste him…
…No. Wait for it. There’ll be time. Do it…do it when he’s awake. It’ll mean something more to him; he’ll really feel it, if he’s awake.
He wondered idly if he should start down his throat, maybe along his chest…
Naruto couldn’t hurt him. Couldn’t even hold the knife close to him without his hand shaking within his control.
I won’t hurt you. I swear it. By my name, I won’t hurt you.
…No. He had lied.
Naruto free hand touched Sasuke’s shoulder to push him onto his back, so he could draw faces on his chest--smiley faces actually. So everyone would know whom Sasuke belonged to. Smiley faces for the demon fox, the murderer of children, who burned his cage and keeper to the ground, scattering the ashes on the wind so they could never be picked up again. The demon fox who had destroyed three societies, three cultures, three homes for all the happy ninjas. Three lives aore.ore. Three and three and three.
Naruto waited for Sasuke to fall on his back.
He waited.
…His hands weren’t trembling.
Naruto sat back and covered his eyes with his free hand. There were no words for how he felt. He clenched the handle to the knife deeper.
Naruto had spit on Sasuke. Naruto had yelled at him, sworn at him, talked to him, whispered secrets and lies into his ear. Naruto had beat him up and put him back together, bled him, drank him and fed him his own blood. Naruto had pressed him, held him, licked him, kissed him and touched him. Naruto had burned the last home he had, had scattered and killed any friends and adopted family he may have had, the same as Itachi had done. Naruto had done everything he knew, everything he could think of.
And.
Sasuke didn’t belong to him anymore than he ever had. Sasuke didn’t belong to him at all.
It didn’t matter what he did. It just didn’t matter. Sasuke still…
…far away as the moon. Far away as the stars. Far away as the grace of Heaven, and just as…
Untouchable.
No one’s. Never his. Not a demon’s.
He didn’t deserve Sasuke.
He couldn’t have Sasuke.
***
//He lied to me! He LIED--//
//No, he didn’t. He never said a word. He never promised anything. He never said anything.//
//…He lied to me. To me! He never meant it. He just wanted…He did that…//
//It doesn’t mean anything to him. He never said it did. He kissed me, made — had sex with me. He got what he wanted; a willing body in bed, something that heals on it’s own whenever he cuts it. When he bites it, it heals back up without a scar. Without a mark. No proof, no trace.//
// Something that bites back. Something with the same taste.//
//…no trace. No trace at all…//
//Doesn’t count, does it? Without a trace, it doesn’t count at all. It wasn’t real. What he does to me…it isn’t real. Not for him. He wanted--//
//He never promised ANYthing!! He never meant a word!//
//…He never said a word, stupid. Stupid. Stupid.//
//…just another tool. Another animal of Hell. He was…//
//No. He’s the same as me. He just doesn’t accept it; not yet. He wants the impossible. He doesn’t want what he’s supposed to have, what he can get. He wants what he can’t have, what he shouldn’t have. He’s an idiot, you know that.//
//We never should have trusted him.//
//No. But we did. I have.//
//…So. What happens now…?//
Gaara opened his eyes. He had waited. He had observed.
He was severely disappointed.
***
*“Why do you want to take that stolen thing?” Is a song lyric by Sting. Not sure which album.
A/N: I love Gaara… He’s me. He’s anyone. Scared, empty, and searching for more and getting frustrated and scared when he can’t find what he needs; because maybe it doesn’t exist at all. So he’d be searching his whole life without ever finding it. He’s an absolutely insane, and not very good at being crazy either. *Squish! Squishy!* I’m gonna try and showcase him more. I shall take care of my fave, no worries.
Sasuke is So Very Complicated on his own that I don’t think I can really get his feelings about his brother down on paper. I’ve gone to shrines and asked people and read stuff, but the truth is that nobody really knows what goes on in Sasuke’s mind *hits head on keyboard* I might try to write it later; for now I’m accepting my limitations and looking for answers.
It’s depressing but it’s gonna get better! Next chapter! …my favorite little red head’s gonna help me out with that ;D
I love my LotR CD! Eeek! Purrr…it’s so pretty ^__-- Legolas-san! Pippin-san! Yee!
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