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Truth	By : emethyst Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Kakashi/Iruka Views: 4096 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: i make nothing from this piece of naruto fanfiction. all characters and original plotlines of the manga and anime belong to their rightful owners.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
meh keep your secrets then, i'll figure it out eventually."

iruka chuckled having frustrated the copy ninja. deciding to keep the conversation going iruka couldnt help but ask.

" i knew you had been in anbu when you were younger-what made you go back?"

kakashi thought about it a moment before replying.

"they asked for my help, once i had talked with the others and heard they had been requested as well. it just felt right. besides my team has moved onto other sensei's it not like they need me anymore, it was time to move on"

"were you always apart of the interrogation team?"

kakashi shook his head, before explaining.

"no, but after the attack they asked for my assistance. i was mostly doing assasinations when i was younger"

"that must have been hard"

kakashi shrugged, he normally didnt talk about his past, especially about his anbu days or his time with the fourth.

"no harder than anyone elses i imagine"

"i suppose not"

the chunin trailed off, looking out the balcony door again before asking.

"so whats the rules?"

"rules?"

kakashi was intrigued.

"yeah what am i allowed to do, what am i not allowed to do. Rules"

ah, so that is what the teacher meant. he thought a moment before speaking honestly.

"well you have to follow the hokages orders of course and goto therapy, you have to stay with me until they reavaluate your situation, other than that i would just request you dont try anything stupid. other than that, you can do as you please"

iruka glanced back to the silver haired jounin, he was slightly puzzled.

"so i can go other places?"

"like where?"

thinking a moment, the teacher contimplated where he would rather be, he really didnt have anywhere else to go, he of course had his apartment, but since it was half demolished that left little for him to return too. still there were places around town that he liked to visit, maybe he could go there?

" could we goto the memorial stone?"

the jounin nodded his head, standing he made his way to the door, looking over his shoulder he questioned.

"you did mean now didnt you?"

iruka smiled and shrugged before standing and heading towards the door where the jounin was putting his sandals back on. strapping his on, he followed the jounin down the many tiers of stairs and through the different pathways making there way around debri that had fallen either from building or the results of jutsu's that had been cast during the battles. they had to take a longer route than nessasary due to the damage around the village, but made it to the stone in little more time. standing before the dark stone, names etched into it from all the honorable shinobi. kneeling before the stone he said a silent prayer, opening his eyes he noticed that the silver haired nin seemed to be doing the same. not wanting to disrupt him he remained kneeling next to him. it was only a couple more minutes before he heard the nin move. opening his eyes he glanced up to kakashi before standing. the nin looked thoughtful as he stared at the stone before them.

kakashi turned to face his ward after he was done silently saying hello to his teacher and teammates like he always did when visiting the stone. normally he spoke outloud, but he didnt feel comfortable doing that with the chunin watching him.

"ne, what do you want to do now?"

the chunin looked back to the memorial stone, and then up to the mountain holding all of the previous hokage's.

"when do i start therapy?"

"tomorrow"

"what does the hokage think this is going to accomplish?"

looking to the man standing beside him, kakashi answered.

"she's just trying to help you"

"shouldnt it be my decision when or if i want it?"

"mah shinobi life is different, if you were civilian it would be one thing but -"

"but im a highly trained lethal shinobi with suicidal tendencies"

"there's that, but you also mean a lot to this village, you would be missed"

iruka shook his head, he couldnt believe that he would be missed, maybe the children would miss him for a time, but they would quickly move on and forget him. he had no real comrades, sure every shinobi was supposed to care for one another, but he wasnt close to anyone. there would be no one to mourn him beside naruto, and he had no problem believing that the blonde would be able to adapt without him.

unaware of the chunin's dark thoughts, kakashi tried to get the chunin to talk to him.

"dont you have something to strive for something that you have to accomplish in your life?"

iruka looked down from the mountain, staring at the jounin for a moment iruka finally admitted.

"i used too, along time ago"

"what about now, right now"

"nope nothing's coming to mind"

the silver haired jounin frowned at the chunin, he was sure that there was something that the chunin wanted, he just had to find out what it could be and use it to his advantage when trying to get the teacher to heal.

"what about you?"

kakashi was slightly startled by the chunin asking him the same question, but he figured turnabout was fair play.

"i used to want to be the best shinobi in the village, i was cold and calculated-thats propably why the third assigned me to minato. he knew i needed to learn the value of teammates."

the chunin continued to listen to kakashi, he wasnt used to the nin talking so much and figured he might as well enjoy his company while he could.

"you know when the third made me take team seven i was determined to fail them, i saw them as nothing more than annoying children not worth my abilities- i trusted my anbu teammates explicably,but to be put in charge of some snot nosed brat? it wasnt my style. i didnt think i would grow to care for them the way that i do, now that they've started on their own paths all i can do is help them along the way if they'll let me. i truly hope naruto is right and that we will get sasuke back from orochimaru in time. its out of my hands now so all i can do is do my job and protect the people of konoha. i suppose i would have to say that my goal is to see naruto become hokage, see sakura surpase tsunade-sama in med skills and see sasuke returned to the village where he belongs. thats why i keep fighting."

to say that iruka was surprised would be an understatement, he'd never heard the ninja talk so passionatley before. it was obvious that he truly cared about the children and his comrades. he hadnt expected the nin to share so much with him. he needed to know why.

"why'd you tell me?"

"you asked"

"you didnt have to answer"

"true, but were going to be spending alot of time together, i figured you deserved to know a little bit about me, besides its only fair after you had to tell us so much about yourself"

ah, so it was because the jounin felt bad for him, he wanted to be angry at the nin for pitying him. he truly did, but he couldnt help but sympathize with the man, he had failed his sensei, his teammates and comrades. sighing iruka looked back to the mountain.

"im ready to head back"

he saw kakashi nod out of the corner of his eye and turned to leave the memorial stone. as they walked down the broken streets of konoha, iruka couldnt help but reflect on how the village had changed over the years, the village had suffered a great loss when the third was killed by him-but gained a strong leader in tsunade. coming back to the present, he was surprised to see izumo and kotetsu coming towards them iruka froze, his guardian seemed to noticed his wards sudden stop and turned to look at him, following the man's gaze he saw two chunin he had seen working in the missions desk before with iruka. he wasnt sure if the chunin liked the men or had bad memories with them. when the two chunin noticed them they smiled.

"yo iruka, where have you been?"

iruka plastered a smile on his face, he knew he couldnt blurt out that for the last two weeks he had been being tortured by ibiki and under suicide watch by a team of jounin's who also happened to be anbu.

"ano-i've been sick"

the two chunin glanced to one another before questioning.

"for two weeks?"

before the teacher could answer kakashi interuppted.

" he's been helping me with something for the hokage"

the two chunin looked skeptically at the jounin.

"for the hokage?"

iruka nodded going along with the silver haired ninja. kotetsu and izuma seemed to take their answers in stride. he couldnt tell if they actually believed him, but it was izuma who spoke up.

"ok-so we'll see you at your shift tonight?"

well shit. he was about to stumbled through an awkward response when kakashi answered for him again.

"sorry, he's going to be working on something with me for the next couple months"

"months?"

scratching the back of his head kakashi smiled at the two chunin who were just staring at them.

"umm yeah kakashi's right were on special assignment for the hokage-im sure they'll find someone to fill my position in the meantime."

it was kotetsu who spoke next.

"ok-um will you still be covering your shifts at the school?"

iruka held back the wince that wanted to show on his face.

"no-i wont be able to do that until this assignment is done"

the two chunin glanced to one another, they both knew how much the chunin loved the kids. its really all they could get hime to talk about when he was in the mission room with them.

"so whats your assignment? anything cool"

izumo asked excited, kotetsu was rolling his eyes at his partner. iruka smiled at the energentic chunin.

"sorry its confidential"

the chunin looked dissapointed but nodded. they came across enough black scrolls in the mission desk that had to go straight to the hokage. it was kotetsu who elbowed his partner and mummbled that they were going to be late. waving at iruka and kakashi they said their goodbyes and quickly jumped from rooftop to rooftop to head back to their latest assignment. letting out a breath he didnt know he was holding iruka looked at kakashi, the nin was watching him.

"that was uncomfortable"

"you dont like them?"

"no its not that-i've worked with them for years, i just-i dont know them"

kakashi nodded his head, he'd been on plenty of missions where your partner wasnt someone you actually knew but had to trust with your life. he followed after iruka as the teacher started down the street again. they were back at kakashi's in no time, making their way up the stairs kakashi unlocked his apartment and motioned the chunin in.

re-entering the jounin's apartment, he vaguely heard kakashi shut the door. taking off his sandles he entered the hallway and stood there for a minute, he wasnt exactly sure what he was supposed to do now. he heard kakashi come to stand behind him, looking over his shoulder he waited. after closing the door and initiating the lock, kakashi toed off his own sandals and looked up, iruka was just standing in the hallway. shaking his head he walked up behind the chunin and motioned him to keep going. iruka followed his lead and they continued down the hallway past the living room and kitchen. being gently pushed down the hallway they came to a stop when they approached a door on the left. looking over his shoulder to kakashi he saw the nin smile and nod. opening the door the teacher gasped. the room it was stunning. it was obviously a study, a large desk was placed against the wall and scrolls were hanging from the wall. bookcases were lined up on the remaining walls filled with different books ranging from ninjitsu to taijitsu. iruka's mouth hung open, other than the hokage's office and the clan houses he didnt think anyone had this many books. what was more surprising was that they werent all porn. looking behind him iruka asked.

"what is this?"

kakashi shrugged before stating.

"i dont like being bored"

nodding his head he walked to the center of the room and took it all in.

"i figured you'd get bored and knowing that you teach and all i figured you'd like to read some new topics"

iruka dully nodded, not bothering to correct the ninja-he used to teach. instead he reached for a book and thumbed through it. he couldnt believe he was given acces to all of this. turning to the ninja behind him leaning against the wall he asked.

"are you sure?"

kakashi nodded, he didnt have a problem with the chunin using his personal library he figured it would at least give the man something to do when he wasnt in therapy. he had no illusions that they were headed for a very bumpy road. he watched as the chunin looked through the different rows of books. being gentle with each book he took from the shelf before replacing it where it belonged.

"why dont you pick one out and start reading it while i fix us something to eat"

iruka nodded and quickly found a book that he would like to lose himself in, palming the tome he followed kakashi down the hallway and back into the living room/kitchen area. finding a comfortable spot in one of the two chairs in the room, he curled his legs up underneath him and opened the front page. seeing that his charge was taken care of for the moment, kakashi began to rummage through his cuboards to find something to make. it was only a couple of minutes later that he felt the chunin's chakra flare out, rushing back into the room he slid to a stop to see iruka trying to balance his chakra in one hand while continuing to read the instructions in his other. iruka looked up a faint smile on his face, noticing the concern in his guardians face he shrugged and spoke.

"interesting book-i wanted to see if it would work"

shaking his head kakashi turned to go back into the kitchen but stopped long enough to say.

"just be careful"

he vaguely heard the chunin turn the page of the book while making a noncomittal sound from his throat. he quickly put together a small meal for the two and carried it into the living room only to find the chunin frowning at his hand, a small ball of chakra being held between his thumb and forefinger.

"problem?"

he set the plates down and waited for the chunin to gather his thoughts. iruka shook his head before reabsorbing the chakra and closing the book. he'd have to try again some other time. looking to kakashi he had to ask.

"so have you copied all the jutsus in those books?"

kakashi laughed while shaking his head. handing iruka his plate he sat back in the opposite chair.

"no- i know a fair amount of them, but it would be too time consuming to try and learn them all."

looking to the book in his lap iruka tried to work out why the technique hadnt worked like the book described it.

"so what were you trying to do?"

the jounin asked while daring to take a bite while the chunin was distracted. idly iruka took a bite of food before answering the jounin.

"hmm oh, its supposed to focus your chakra into a small sphere, your supposed to feel the tingle as if you were performing a healing jutsu, but i didnt feel anything so it must not have worked."

nodding his head, he asked again.

"yes, but what was it supposed to do if it worked?"

taking another bite, the chunin swallowed his food before answering the man.

"the sphere is supposed to be able to cause your chakra to focus on a specific point in the body allowing the chakra pathways to focus on healing that particular area."

kakashi wasnt sure if he believed the chunin but just smiled anyways, he'd double check the book once the chunin had gone to bed. he didnt want him learning anything dangerous that he could use against himself...granted he propably already knew techniques for that, but he didnt wish to add to his repitore.

"this is good-who taught you to cook?"

giving a genuine smile kakashi told the chunin quite proudly.

"the fourth"

iruka's eyes widened at the information.

"he could cook?"

laughing kakashi nodded.

"yep, was determined to make sure we all ate correctly-never really worked with obito though, he had a sweet tooth a mile long. sensei was always stealing his candy"

smiling he couldnt help but remember his old teammates. he had some good memories which he cherished, it helped to negate the nightmares. looking to the chunin he asked.

"can you cook?"

iruka nodded, before pondering who had taught him. smiling he told kakashi.

"my mother taught me some, but after my parents died it was mostly the third that made sure i could take care of myself. he didnt teach me personally-man couldnt cook to save his life, but he had one of his assistants help me"

kakashi laughed, it seemed that the third had truly cared for iruka, it was such a tragedy that he had died the way he had. iruka could have used his council now more than ever. allowing the chunin to finish his meal in relative peace he waited for the chunin to go back to his book,but instead iruka stood up and reached out for his own plate. kakashi raised an eyebrow at the chunin and iruka huffed at him.

" i can at least do the dishes"

understanding what the chunin meant, he reluctantly handed over his plate, which seemed to make the man happy, he nodded to kakashi before heading into the kitchen to tidy up. kakashi allowed the chunin to do a little housework, he always hated doing dishes, so if the teacher wanted to volunteer he wasnt going to say no. pulling out his favorite series, he began to read, flipping the pages idly as he listened to iruka hum while he tinkered around in the kitchen. this was surprisingly pleasant. he didnt have company that often, prefering to go to his friends house to hang out, his apartment was his sanctuary and he never wished to share it with anyone. but so far the chunin hadnt done anything to make him regret agreeing to watch over him. hearing the sink turn off he waited for the chunin to come back out, when the teacher didnt appear he frowned. tilting his head back he called.

"iruka?"

just what was that man doing? then he remembered-the knife! he'd used a knife to prepare the pork, jumping out of his chair he ran into the kitchen prepared to have a battle before him if not a horrible scene. dashing into the room he found iruka holding the knife but not doing anything, just staring at it as he dried it with a towel.

"iruka can i have the knife?"

the chunin didnt seem to noticed his presense, carefully he reached out to take the knife, the chunin infront of him didnt resist as he gently took the knife from his hands. throwing the knife on the counter he looked into the man's eyes, it was apparent that he was thinking about something very hard. and if kakashi had to guess it wasnt anything good.

"iruka can you hear me?"

iruka had almost finished with the chores in the kitchen, kakashi was apparently a very messy cook, tsking he went about cleaning all the dishes, setting the last bowl aside he reached for the next item to wash and dry when he realized he was holding a kitchen knife. at first he didnt even realize what it was he was cleaning in the sink, simply going on autopilot while cleaning, but pulling it out of the warm water and beginning to dry it with the towel he had made iruka's mind wander. he could do anything with this knife and kakashi would have no clue before it was most likely too late. looking down to the sharp object he swallowed hard, this was what he wanted wasnt it? he hated this sentence, to be without his students and his shinobi duties, being coddled like a child and babysat by another. frowning iruka continued to dry the knife, he remembered the first time he tried use a knife like this.

he'd been on his own just a couple months since the nine tails attack and had been trying to cut some meat up for a bowl of ramen when it slipped and cut his hand, he remembered the sharp pinch as the blade cut into his flesh, the warm dripping sensation as his blood flowed from the open wound. it was the first time he'd taken to examine his own blood and find it facinating. two weeks later his teammate died while on a mission with him, that night he tried for the first time to hurt himself. no one noticed the cuts, simply believing he had been hurt on the same mission. from that point on he realized he could hide his developing need to harm himself so long as it coincided with missions. it was years before even the third started to notice and suspect. feeling a sudden emptyness in his hands, he looked down to find his hands empty of the knife he had been cleaning, jerking he looked around only to realize he wasnt alone anymore, kakashi stood inches away from him. letting out a yelp he backed up against the counter to get some space between them.

"you back with me?"

iruka nodded holding his chest with a hand as he tried to slow his rapidly beating heart. kakashi smiled, he was glad that he didnt have to get help to get iruka back into the moment. iruka looked around for a minute before seeing the knife behind kakashi. the silver haired nin followed his gaze and proceeded to move his body in the way so iruka couldnt see the knife.

"i shouldnt have left that out, im sorry"

iruka shrugged before turning to grab the next dish and dry it.

"i wasnt doing anything"

iruka muttered as he set aside the clean dish.

"you also werent aware of what was going on around you"

iruka turned to look at kakashi an unreadable expression on the chunin's face, finally it slipped to annoyance.

"am i not allowed to think about things?"

"i didnt say that"

"then what is it that i was doing that was so bad"

sighing kakashi started to put things away, making sure that iruka didnt reach for the knife that he placed back in the wooden block on the counter. he would have to put that away like all the other things he had stored until he could begin to trust the chunin.

" you have to understand my position iruka, the hokage is expecting me to take care of you, i cant very well let you try and hurt yourself now can i?"

placing the last dish away he turned to face the teacher. iruka was still frowning, but hadnt bothered to retort. instead iruka walked past him and back into the living room, taking a deep breath kakashi followed him, the chunin had curled back up in the chair the book once again open in his lap. re-taking his own seat, he relaxed in the tense silence. it was an hour later that the chunin closed the book, setting it on the coffee table, looking into the hazel eyes examining him he waited patiently. he didnt have to wait long.

"i think i'd like to goto bed now"

nodding kakashi stood up and was about to show iruka where he would be staying when his charge barked out.

" your not going to be watching me while i sleep again are you?"

kakashi glanced over his shoulder, technically he propably should sleep in the same room as the chunin to watch over him, but he also didnt want to overcrowd the stressed man.

"kakashi?"

realizing he had taken too long to answer the man he asked.

"depends, i'll make you a deal- i wont watch you while you sleep so long as you promise me that you wont try anything when your in your room, consider it a way for you to earn my trust."

iruka frowned at the jounin, snorting at the deal he had to retort.

"how exactly would i hurt myself? i dont know if you noticed but it appears the only dangerous thing to me in this entire apartment is the risk of getting papercuts."

smiling at the chunin's evaluation of his home, kakashi reiterated.

"promise"

sighing iruka nodded his head.

"alright alright i promise not to try anything"

smiling at the chunin he motioned for the man to follow him. iruka trudged behind the man. it ended up that there were two bedrooms across the hall from one another. kakashi pointed to the one on the right.

"thats my room, this one is yours"

nodding his head he went to enter the room when kakashi grasped his arm.

"remember you promised, i have good hearing too so dont try and sneak off like naruto does when he's in the hospital"

snorting he shook off the mans grasp and entered the room, turning around he was about to shut the door in the smug jounins face but decided to make one more point.

"im not a genin trying to get out of the hospital, im a fully trained shinobi trying to die"

with that he slammed the door on kakashi's face.
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Truth