Denial | By : djserani Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female > Kakashi/Sakura Views: 4298 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: As always, I don't own the world or characters, I just like to torment them. Kishimoto-sensei gets to keep them permanently. (I make no money from it!) |
Kakashi stood for only a minute before he headed into his room. He'd heard her retreating footsteps and knew she hadn't locked the door. Once inside, he pulled his mask and headband off, ditched the sandals and vest and sat down on the side of the bed.
He couldn't pretend that she hadn't asked him with everything but her voice to go to her. He couldn't have ignored the fact that she walked away from her door without locking it when she knew he was still standing there. He scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed.
Regardless of whether she wanted him to go over there or not, didn't change much. Forbidden. That was always the first thing that entered his mind. It never stopped him before, so, for the moment, he ignored it.
But Sakura hadn't looked really healthy since they'd started…seeing each other, he guessed was the best way to put it. She'd lost weight, looked strained, except when she was under him, lost to what they did for each other. He knew that their relationship wasn't healthy for her and he should not go over there, regardless of what he wanted, regardless of what she asked for.
Knowing and doing were two very different things. He'd told her yesterday morning that he missed her. He didn't know how he'd handle another night away from her. He was starting to accept just how much he needed to be near her.
He sighed again, then stood up. As he turned out the light in his room and headed for the door, he cursed himself for being selfish. He needed her and he could not be apart again.
He paused in the hallway again, giving himself one more time to do the right thing and go back to his room. But instead, he gave a sad half-chuckle. He even failed in this. Then he shoved it all away and opened her door.
He was surprised when she was standing right inside. He paused, unsure what to do. Maybe she was going to go lock it. And he got another surprise at the sharp disappointment that thought caused. They stared at each other a moment and she took a step back, leaving enough space for him to step into the room.
He closed the door softly and turned back to her. He watched her struggle with something, then she said simply, "I'm glad you came."
He couldn't answer, couldn't say anything. He just nodded once and pulled her up against him. A moment later, his lips met hers and there were no more doubts for that night. They were naked two short minutes later and on the bed a moment after that.
"Now, Kakashi, please…" and he couldn't resist the need he heard in her voice. He entered her swiftly and they both thrilled at the connection. He had never felt with any other woman the way he felt when he was with her. There was nothing like being inside her.
It was stormy, they couldn't help it. Hard, fast, need pulling at them, and before long, they lost themselves, reveling in the feeling of the other's pleasure.
Afterwards, they lay together, not speaking, just touching. Hands, lips, in this it was as it always was. The initial ferocity burnt itself out and they were left trying to figure out the emotional mess they were in.
Sakura kissed his chest, then gathered her courage. "Stay." It was a huge step, she couldn't say more, but she could at least manage that.
"Yes." He couldn't deny her, not when he, himself, needed to stay, needed to be near her. A breath shuddered out of her that he recognized as relief. He wondered at it, that she could possibly think he didn't want..didn't need to be near her, but he let it go and gathered her as close as he could.
They drifted off to sleep, waking again, reaching again for each other. Words never spoken, only the coming together of their bodies, the need resurfacing to touch and feel. If, that is, it ever really went away to begin with.
As the sun came up, Sakura soaked up the ability to see his whole face in sleep. She memorized every detail, smiling at the morning stubble, the hair, messier even than usual, the peace on his face. When he opened his eye, her smile widened. "Morning."
He smiled back and it took her breath away. She should be used to seeing it by now, she should be better equipped to handle it, but she wasn't. "Good morning."
He leaned down and kissed her and as she responded, their hands went everywhere again. He cupped a breast, she wrapped her hand around him, stroking him. He nibbled on an ear, made a trail over her neck, then down over her chest to take a nipple into his mouth. She moaned and wrapped her legs around him, trying to pull him into her.
But just as they were about to take it further, they heard the unmistakable signs of Maiko moving about in the next room. Kakashi dropped his head onto her shoulder and they tried to calm themselves down. "We better get moving." He said on a croak.
Sakura didn't trust herself to speak. She nodded instead. He leaned up and kissed her again and she smiled. "Maybe we'll find another inn tonight."
It wasn't until it was out, that she realized what she said. What, when it came down to it, she was outright asking. She swallowed hard as he stared at her. Don't say you don't want it, don't say you won't…just don't… "That would be nice. As long as there are enough rooms." His voice was barely above a whisper, but she caught it.
Sakura couldn't breathe, couldn't seem to think straight. He'd said it, out in the open. He'd go to her, if he could. Hearing him voice it seemed so much more substantial than the notes he'd left. She swallowed hard, then leaned up and kissed him. "We better get going."
The road past the inn was finally drier than the previous two days. It also seemed to be made of a harder clay and so the carriage moved over it swiftly, eating up the kilometers. Kakashi let his body take over on the run and his mind wander a bit.
Three months ago.
Kakashi cursed himself again. He should have been paying more attention. He knew better than to let his mind wander when he was alone like this. He checked behind himself again and sped up. He knew they were knocked out, but he had to get back to Konoha and soon. He winced as his chest sprouted a new pain.
Rumors had spread about an invasion from Iwagakure - the Hidden Cloud Village. Tsunade thought it was ridiculous, they'd been too close during and since the Fourth war, but she wasn't so trusting that she wouldn't check it out. And so, she sent him.
He'd been gone nearly three weeks, investigating. Finally, that morning, he gathered the last of what he needed and started back. Apparently, the daimyo of Lightning decided he didn't like how powerful Cloud had become. He started the rumors of an invasion with the hopes that Konoha would attack first, thereby weakening Cloud and leaving him to move in when they left. He was an idiot, but that was beside the point.
Not long after Kakashi had crossed back into Fire Country, he'd been ambushed. It was stupid, his mind hadn't been on his surroundings. He'd been thinking about Sakura, about the mission, not about what was going on around him.
And as good as Kakashi was, twelve of the daimyo's roughest fighters were still not easy to defeat. But he managed enough to get away from them and was now nursing at least a few broken ribs and possibly internal bleeding. He winced as his ribs jarred when he launched himself from the next branch.
He finally felt a sigh of relief when he saw the walls of Konoha. He let himself go on autopilot as he passed through the gates, but was surprised when he found himself, not at the hospital, but outside of Sakura's door. It was too late to change his mind, he needed help now. He knocked, praying she was home.
The door opened and an annoyed face topped by pink hair peeked through the opening. Her eyes widened, though, when she saw him and she opened the door wide. "Kakashi! What the hell?"
He just shook his head. "Ribs, at least." He could barely talk by this time, "probably bleeding inter…" he winced as he moved into her apartment.
Sakura pulled his arm over her shoulder and helped him into her bedroom, laying him down on the bed. She closed her eyes, summoned her chakra and focused it into her hands. Moving them slowly over his chest, she growled. "Four. Several blocked chakra points. And yes, internal bleeding. Lay still."
He closed his eyes and laid his head back while she worked. He hadn't meant to come to her, didn't know why he did. Maybe because she'd been on his mind when he was ambushed, but he just wasn't sure. He let it go for the moment and didn't notice when he passed out.
A few hours later, he woke. It was still dark and he discovered he was naked in Sakura's bed with nothing but the sheet over him. He tried to remember being with her again, tried to remember anything, but nothing came to him after passing out during treatment.
He leaned up on one arm and looked around the room. There she was, curled up in an armchair in the other corner. She was still fully dressed in the same clothes she'd been in the night before, so it was unlikely that they'd done anything. He tried to ignore the minor stab of disappointment at that. The last time had been a mistake. That's what he told himself.
As he stared at her, noting the tired look on her face, she opened her eyes and smiled at him. He kicked himself mentally - she was tired from patching his sorry ass up. "Hi."
He couldn't help but smile back. "Hi." That's when he realized his mask was missing. Somehow, it didn't bother him with her and he filed that curiosity away for later examination.
"How are you feeling?" She stretched and stood up.
He queried his body and discovered that, aside from a bit of chakra exhaustion, he was feeling good. When he told her so, her smile widened. "Excellent. You need to stay in bed for another day or so, but you've been through that before."
She sat on the bed next to him and felt his forehead. At his raised eyebrow, she said, "I didn't expect any infections. I didn't find anything when I checked earlier, but it is never smart to not check."
He nodded, but his mind wasn't on infection. Not of the body, anyway. She was too close, her hands felt too good on his skin. "Thank you." He said, in an attempt to shift his thinking.
"You're welcome. You would have been better going to the hospital. Why did you come here first?"
He shrugged. "To tell you the truth, I don't know. Aside from hating hospitals, in general."
She laughed at that. "I was still awake, had only just laid down. Good thing I heard the door."
He nodded. "Yes, I'd say so."
They were avoiding it, he could see it in her eyes as she looked him over. It was another mistake. He knew it. He could not do it.
He didn't. Sakura leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "Well," she said on a sigh. "My window's always open, even if my door isn't." She smiled up at him and he lost the battle.
He pulled her to him, his lips crashing onto hers, his hands touching everything he could reach. He needed her, her smell, her touch, the feel of her body. It had been six months. Six very long months since he'd touched her. Six months of convincing himself it had been a mistake.
And six months of not really believing it.
As the sun crept up over the horizon the next morning, he watched her sleep. It was insane, he shouldn't have done it. Yet another mistake. He sighed.
Silently, he slipped out of bed and dressed. A few moments later, after one last look at her, he was gone.
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