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If Only You Knew	By : narugal101 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Kakashi/Naruto Views: 5783 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
Holy
shit I have been in a mood to write lately I don�t know what the hell is up.
Thanks for those who reviewed I appreciate the feedback, its good to know what
you guys actually think. I still think have a ways to go before my writing is
anywhere near good, though. Hopefully I will only get better. To all who are
trying to guess who Naruto will end up with�I don�t
even know yet, if it isn�t Sasuke I will change the
pairing so it reflects who he�ll be with. It really will depend on where I feel
the story is taking me. So stay tuned in, please feel free to review, trust me
it is appreciated.
Chapter 9 Unanticipated
I wish I
could say I woke up refreshed the next morning, but that certainly wasn�t true.
That little bout with Sasuke had left me physically�and
now�emotionally drained. At least I think I was emotionally drained. Gods this
uncertainty would be the death of me! There was no physical pain of course, Kyuubi had seen to that, but the pain had yet to cease. And
if Kyuubi was correct in its thinking, it wouldn�t
end any time soon.
Goddamn Uchiha, right now I really didn�t care whether that bastard
lived or died. His life is in your hands Kyuubi
had said. Well fuck him, let him die, at this moment he could die and I would
rejoice. You know that�s not true, some voice decided to interject.
Arrghhh! I wish I had never
wished to feel emotions! This was very irritating. I had to find a way to
retain my usual impassiveness, or else parts of my true self would leak into my
mask which would not do.
Hey
Kyuubi.
What do
you want Gaki?
Take
away these Godamned feelings away right now!
Why gaki, one would think you weren�t happy with your new
condition. That
Godamned fox actually had the gall to laugh at me.
Kyuubi you know that one
of my only goals in life was to gain my emotions and you supported me. In fact
you thought it would help in governing future decisions I may have to make.
What of
it Gaki? Kyuubi�s tone had taken a
serious and slightly worried note to it.
I hate
it! To
my horror more water welled up in my eyes, as they filled up, drops ran down my
face. Then the pain that had never completely subsided flooded into my entire
being, until it felt as though I was wholly consumed by it. Can�t I just go
back to feeling nothing? The beatings never hurt this badly! Can you please
just make it go away?
I despised
myself for the weakness and whining I heard in my own tone.
Gaki�I heard Kyuubi say--its voice filled with what I now knew was
regret�I�m sorry, you know I can�t do that. I know it will take some getting
used to. But in the long run it will be good for you.
When
will it stop hurting so much? I had ceased crying, but the pain remained,
sharp and resilient.
Eventually,
yes.
Kyuubi, how am I supposed
to stop this pain from interfering with my �mask?�
Do the
best you can gaki, it will be extremely hard at
times. That�s really all the advice I can give you. Somewhere along the line
you will learn to control these emotions. And then you will finally be ready,
and I will be obsolete.
Fear filled
me at its words. Kyuubi what do you mean
ready? And your being obsolete?
Gaki, you knew the day
would come eventually. I can�t look after you for the rest of your life.
Yes you
can!
Gaki, you�ve always
known that someday that someday I will have to leave.
The damn
fox was right for once. It had always warned me that it wouldn�t be around
forever. But I didn�t want to face a world without it. Kyuubi
had always been the one constant in my life. The one thing I could always count
on, it took me getting my emotions back to see just how incomplete my existence
would be without it.
What
will I do without you Kyuubi?
You will
continue to live. That�s all anyone can do, continue to live�no matter how
painful it gets. If it�s any consolation, I too, will miss you�gaki.
Warmth
filled me at its words. Kyuubi was the closest thing
to a parent that I had. And like any child was someone (or in this case
something) that I had come to love (even if I only just now realized it). When
the time came for it to leave I don�t know what I�d do.
But right
now I had other things to worry about. And that to make sure these emotions
didn�t interfere with my �mask.�
After
attending to my daily personal hygiene routine I heard Kakashi
call all of us out for the daily mission brief.
Once finished,
we headed out, Kakashi taking the lead the rest of us
following close behind.
Sakura, of
course, was directly behind Sasuke, who was brooding
as usual. She was trying, without success, to engage him in conversation.
I couldn�t
help but chuckle under my breath. She was so pathetic.
At the
small discreet sound, Sakura whipped around, glaring at me, Kakashi,
and Tazuna.
I was
surprised that the pink monstrosity actually had it in her to glare at
anything. Someone like her needed to stay in a corner and not to speak to
anyone, ever.
Then it
decided to step it up a notch by speaking.
�Who
laughed?!�
The pink-haired thing snarled. �Shinobi aren�t
supposed to show emotion. Especially during missions!�
Everyone,
including Tazuna, stared at her for a long moment in
amazement.
I concluded
that Kakashi couldn�t let that statement go.
Seconds
later I was proven right.
�Ugh�Sakura?� He managed to say.
�You do realize the idiocy and hypocrisy of the statement you just uttered,
right?�
Her blank
stare must have been his answer because he went on.
�I guess
that�s a no. Sakura you are in no position to criticize anyone�s emotional
display or lack thereof. You put your emotion right out there for everyone to
see.�
�Bu-But--.�
She managed to stutter.
��No
Buts.�
Kakashi stated firmly, his voice cool and authorative,
I was almost impressed, almost. �Until I give you permission, you are
not to tell any shinobi what or what not to do. Do I
make myself clear?�
At this
point, she must have realized her mistake, and how stupid she�d sounded,
because she ducked her head and shame and muttered. �Yes sensei.�
�Good.� Was
all he said before he started back at the pace we had been traveling minutes
before the little altercation.
Sakura was
blessedly silent as we trudged down the road.
Out of the
blue I sensed a chakra about the equal of Kakashi�s
coming at us from the north.
As it got
closer Kakashi finally sensed it.
�Meiji
formation!� he shouted as he fell into a defensive stance. �Protecting the
client comes first!�
Once we�d
formed up, he raised his hitai-ate from its normal
position over his left eye. Sasuke gasped in shock at
the sight, I just smirked.
So he�s
finally going to use it huh? About damn time, with a Jounin
at the level of the one approaching we�re going to need it. The �it� I spoke of
was Kakashi�s one sharingan
eye. It allowed him to copy every jutsu used in its
vision. This included ninjutsu, genjutsu,
and taijutsu.
Finally the
chakra signature was directly in front of us.
At the
exact moment it reached us so did the individual it
belonged to.
Momochi, Zabuza, was the reputed �Demon of the Mist.� I immediately
recognized him from the hokage�s list of rogue nin. The picture I�d seen of him
was pretty accurate, right down to the decapitating sword and bandage-covered
face.
The thing
that surprised me the most about his appearance was
the fact that he still wore his hitai-ate. That was a
bit odd, why would he need his hitai-ate if he was
rogue?
My theory
was he was planning to attempt again what had originally made him a rogue. This
was to take out the Mizukage.
Not the
smartest idea, in my opinion, but hey whatever. I took my defensive position
next to Sasuke and Sakura in a defensive formation,
with Tazuna to the rear.
The exact
moment Kakashi�s eyes locked on Zabuza,
it seemed he knew immediately who it was. His eyes narrowed as apprehension
filled every fiber of his being.
I knew from
his body language that any second the ensuing battle would begin.
Sure enough,
seconds later, both Kakashi and Zabuza
disappeared, seemingly in the blink of any eye.
It was
nearly killing me to stay in one position and not fight. Kyuubi
had taught me that to not be in the thick of battle was a type of dishonor
among the youkai. So you can imagine how I felt,
being ordered to stay back.
Eventually,
Kakashi the ever so slick shinobi
managed to get himself caught in one of Zabuza�s traps. Basically it comprised of Kakashi being help motionless inside an orb of water.
Once
trapped, he gave up and started yelling for us to run.
All three
of us were torn.
Did we stay
and help out our superior? Or did run, doing the first duty of a shinobi, which is to accomplish the mission and protect the
client.
I was
furious that this doubt was filling me. 24 hours ago I wouldn�t have cared what
had happened to any of these people. I would have made the logical decision,
not one based on emotion.
The other
two were just as torn as I was apparently. Finally we all looked at Tazuna in expectation. Him being the client, we left it up
to him.
With all
three of our faces on him, he started sweating profusely. Finally he managed to
mumble out.
�Go help
your sensei. It�s my fault you�re all in this mess. If I had been truthful
about the situation in the first place this would never have happened.�
Now clear
on what we were to do I was about to propose a plan,
but Sasuke had to be the hotheaded fool he was and
rush into it. No teamwork for him, just plunge straight into the fight.
Of course Zabuza had one of this clones take Sasuke
down like it was nothing.
�Kakashi.� He growled low in
this throat. �You might want to warn your comrades.� He said this word
mockingly. �That if they don�t quit annoying me I will kill
them.�
All right,
enough was enough. I was getting a little irritated and the source of that
emotion was currently holding Kakashi in his orb.
�Sasuke.� I growled. �If
you�re done being stupid and getting your ass kicked then listen up I have an
idea.�
Sasuke glared at being
called stupid, and I knew he would hate having to actually work as a team,
especially considering what had happened between us last night. But he wasn�t
stupid enough to ignore my advice.
Slowly and
painfully he picked himself up off the ground.
I used Kage Bunshin no Jutsu to make about twenty or so clones, then had them
surround Zabuza�s clone and then attack him in a dog
pile. Zabuza�s clone of course, easily overpowered
all of mine and he dispelled all of them easily.
I seemingly
dug in my pack and found a shuriken. I then threw it to Sasuke
who caught it.
He glared
at me as my plan finally dawned on him and I saw a grudging respect enter his
eyes before he threw the shuriken.
Zabuza�s clone braced itself
or the impact the shuriken would have. When it didn�t come its eyes widened and
it followed the path that the shuriken was taking.
It was
aimed at his real body that couldn�t move as one of his hands was in the orb of
water keeping the jutsu active.
Still he
caught the shuriken easily enough with his free hand and smirked at all
us�until a second shuriken came flying out of the
shadow of his first and once again aimed at his real body.
This time
he jumped over the shuriken and looked at the three of us.
�I cannot
be touched with something as simple as a common shuriken!� he growled at us as
if to berate us for even attempting such a foolish thing.
�What about
a kunai?� my clone shouted at him as it dove towards his face. Zabuza hadn�t given the second shuriken a glance after he�d
jumped over it. My clone managed only to scratch his face with it as Zabuza pulled away.
But the
desired result was still achieved. At his surprise at the unexpected attack Zabuza had jerked away, inadvertently dispelling the jutsu as he did so.
Kakashi now stood wet, but
free�and he looked more than just a little pissed.
It was
probably his bruised ego. He didn�t like the fact that we had had to rescue his
sorry ass.
I guess he
decided hurt pride could wait because he turned towards Zabuza.
�All right Zabuza.� He said coolly. �Time to die.
I don�t fall for the same thing twice.
I could
already see it was over. Every time Zabuza attempted
a jutsu, Kakashi was there
with his sharingan to counteract his every move. It
really was a no-win situation for Zabuza.
Soon Kakashi had beaten him at his own game.
But before Zabuza could be finished off someone else apparently wanted
to do the honors.
Just as Kakashi was about to deal the final blow, a senbon embedded itself into Zabuza�s
neck. He fell where he stood.
A masked
figure in green came out of the mist that was starting to dispel, since Zabuza was no longer in any condition to sustain it.
Kakashi went to the body
and felt for a pulse.
�He�s
dead.� Was all that uttered.
The masked
figure nodded in agreement and then spoke.
�I need to
dispose of the body. You know the routine.�
Kakashi nodded in
understanding, exhaustion evident in every movement he made.
The figure
in green put the body on his shoulders and disappeared as quickly as he had
appeared.
I watched
him go, knowing something was up. Kakashi missed
this, being as tired as he was.
Moments
after the masked figure left, he collapsed.
�Oh
dear!�
Tazuna gasped. �We need to get him to my house. There
I�m sure we�ll be able to make him as good as new.
Sasuke and I were made to
carry Kakashi�s unconscious body. I barely noted the
weight as I thought about that supposed ANBU that had taken Zabuza�s
body. Something just didn�t add up. There were too many anomalies with how
quickly the green character had appeared when Zabuza
was cornered. Suddenly it clicked.
I smiled as
the realization dawned on me. Good, we�ll be seeing the masked guy
again. I don�t like people who think they can fool me. This will be fun.
Eventually
we got to Tazuna�s house. Kakashi
was laid in their guest bed. I couldn�t� help but notice how shabby the place
looked. Hopefully they did get that bridge built, otherwise they were screwed.
Sympathy
had unexpectedly filled me as we�d walked through the village on the way to our
destination. Fear and poverty had been evident on everyone�s faces.
Sakura had
actually accomplished the impossible and did a good deed by giving one of the
local children candy.
All of
this because of one human male�s greed.
Anger
filled me.
This would
not be allowed to continue.
Now you
know why gaki.
Know
what?
Why I
wanted you to regain your ability to feel. It�s not just the youkai I want you to aid. Anyone who suffers when they have
done no wrong should also be helped.
I guess
I can�t argue with that particular point. I conceded. But I�m still having,
well, mixed emotions about the whole emotional thing.
You�ll
get used to it after a while.
Later that
night as I lay in bed I thought about Kyuubi�s words.
It was right. But Gods sometimes I wish I�d just been born as someone other
than who I was. Before I fell asleep my last thoughts were on Sasuke. I was too tired to be angry at myself for this. But
I couldn�t help but think about his dark eyes and how they had looked as he
came. Knowing I would curse myself for this in the morning I let my body carry
me into that so-called peaceful place, but for me, was a painful oblivion of
unconsciousness.
End of Chapter Nine,
Unanticipated
Finally I am done
revising and editing! Now I can finally progress the story. This should make
some of you crazies out there happy. So chillax, and
enjoy the next chapter when it comes out. When it anyone's guess.
- 9
- 10
- 11
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If Only You Knew