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Searching for Something	By : jellybelle21 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1063 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
Neji found that a vacation had really been just the thing he needed. Truly there was nothing better than spending his day however he wished, knowing that he had no missions or responsibilities. He spent as much time as possible with Gaara and soon became nocturnal, since the day was full of meetings and various responsibilities, while the night was always empty for the Kazekage of any obligations. Since Gaara did not sleep, he had nothing to do during this time, and at first, he spent it simply watching Neji sleep, waiting for him to wake, and often exploring the ever-intriguing subject of Neji’s form, sometimes with his eyes, but almost always with his hands and mouth as well. Often he “accidentally” woke his lover, and it was not long until Neji started getting his sleep while Gaara was busy with other responsibilities, and sharing the night with the man who had been the reason for his trip in the first place.

Sometimes they spoke of their pasts, of their futures, or of simple mundane matters. How Gaara’s day had been, what issues interested him, and how Neji felt about this decision or that. Gaara listened carefully to any advice Neji would offer, and often found himself following it. Sometimes they spent hours without talking, simply learning more about each other physically. Gaara knew much more about the sexual side of things to begin with, but Neji was determined to catch up with him, even though discussion of actual sex seemed to be something that both men avoided for now. Neji was still a bit nervous of the idea, and Gaara seemed to either know this, or was worried that he would recreate as shameful a scene as he had earlier, and so he simply avoided thinking about it as much as possible.

That didn’t stop them from tasting and touching every inch of each other, finding the spots that were most sensitive, and refining their techniques to be specially suited only to each other. Neji knew that things like mutual masturbation or oral wouldn’t seem like sex as much as foreplay to many people, but he felt that they were closer now, and that the bond between them was deepening the more time they spent together, and the more they learned about each other. Despite Gaara’s hints that he would make sure Neji stayed, however, the Hyuuga knew that soon, he would have to return to Konoha, and he wondered how he would bear it. A few months ago, he felt love was something meant for other people. Something irritating and inconvenient and foolish. But now he saw it was wonderful and beautiful, and everything that meant anything to him.

The days passed, and Neji knew that soon, if he did not return to Konoha, ninjas would be sent to retrieve him, and he would have no choice in the matter. Gaara could claim that he would give anything, and that of course Tsunade and the council as well as his own family would listen and obey the will of the Kazekage, but while Neji wanted nothing more than that, he understood the politics. Konoha was the stronger village, and could do very well without the alliance to Sunagakure. However, without the Leaf, the Sand would struggle and falter. Gaara was a much better leader than his father had been, simply because he genuinely cared for the fate of his village and he carefully thought all of his decisions through. Neji felt that this was a completely fair assessment, and he was not at all biased by the fact that he had severely strong feelings for the fifth Kazekage, while when he thought of the fourth…mostly he wanted to bring him back to life and hit him over the head for making his son’s life so very difficult, and almost leading his village into a war with Konoha that would have almost assuredly destroyed it. Gaara would never have placed his trust in such a fiendish ally, and would have never put his village at so great a risk, he was sure.

“You could become my advisor.” Gaara mumbled, sounding half asleep as he lay sprawled naked across an equally nude Neji. He shifted slightly so that his face was turned upwards toward Neji’s, his head resting on Neji’s stomach. Neji had a hard time processing the words, as Gaara had just given him an utterly amazing blow job, and he was still trying to remember his own name. “Some title that sounds impressive…Senior Advisor in charge of Foreign Relations or something official sounding like that. Your family is proud, correct? They’d let you go if I made it sound important enough.”

“That won’t work.” Neji did not want to think about his impending departure. He only had another two days after this one, and that was really past the month. He just knew that if he only was about a week late in returning, it would be unlikely that any search parties were sent. Much further past that, however, and there would be steps taken. He didn’t want to get into too much trouble, as it would lessen the likelihood of him being allowed to visit the Sand again anytime soon. “You’ll just have to wait until I can get another vacation.”

“Hm.” Unsurprisingly, Gaara did not seem to like this idea at all, and scowled at him before turning his head a bit to press a kiss into Neji’s ribcage. He let his hand wander down to Neji’s softened cock, squeezing the still-sensitive organ gently and then tracing the line of musculature that ran down the middle of his abdomen to Neji’s navel with soft, slow kisses.

“There’s no way I’m going to be ready that soon.” Neji warned him. “I think I’ll take three days to recover from that.”

“Just let me do this,” Gaara told him, his eyes somber as he paused to look at the man below him. “Just let me try and get as much as I can, since you obviously are ready to leave at once.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Neji sighed. Whenever he shot down Gaara’s hopelessly foolish plans to keep Neji there, the redhead became sulky, although he had to admit he would never want to actually tell Gaara he was sulking, because he was not sure if he would survive the experience. “You know I would stay if I could, but you’re smart enough to know Konoha isn’t going to let you just keep me here in the Sand. I’m an elite ninja from a powerful family, and my family will not want to hear that I’ve chosen you over them, either. It doesn’t matter what we say or do, the Sand simply doesn’t have the power to get something like this from the Leaf.”

“It isn’t the Sand that wants you. It’s me.” Gaara responded. “And I refuse to accept anything else but that you stay as I wish.”

“I wish it was that simple. I’ve never been allowed to make my own choices, and I don’t think they’ll let me start now.” Neji gave him a sad smile and Gaara pulled himself over so that he was hovering over Neji’s face.

“That isn’t true.” He told him with a slight shake of his head. “You chose this, didn’t you? You chose to see if we could do this.”

“And you chose to try as well.” Neji couldn’t help the warm feeling that spread throughout him at that, wiping the sadness out of his smile. “That’s true. I’m glad I did.”

“So am I.” Gaara smiled back, a real smile like the ones that only Neji ever got to see, only when they were alone. “I feel…much better since you have been here.”

“I know what you mean.” Neji lifted his head then, and kissed Gaara slowly, lazily, in a way that seemed to say that even if he had to leave, he knew he’d be back, and he knew that he would be with Gaara once more. He didn’t want to leave, but he also knew that even if he had to go, this would not be the end. Two weeks ago, Neji worried constantly about Gaara turning to others for satisfaction once he left, about being forgotten once he was no longer there. But as the days passed, he felt his fear fading as he came to rely on this more and more. He still worried about it a little, and he knew he would be happier if he just didn’t have to leave and test Gaara as well as himself. Would he lose his confidence once he did not have this reassurance? Once he did not get a chance to see Gaara’s smile every day, and could no longer be anywhere near him, he wondered if his doubts would take over once more, or if he would be able to trust in this, to believe that even though they’d only had a few weeks together, Gaara cared about him too much to forget or to turn to other people once Neji wasn’t there to satiate his desires.

I want him always to think of me. I want him to see only me, even when I’m not here.

The kisses they were sharing were becoming more heated as Neji let these thoughts filter through his mind, as his feelings became more serious, and the mood of the situation suddenly shifted. Neji’s hands wandered over Gaara’s body, his fingers lingering over spots that he knew would elicit a response. The soft grunts and moans only fuelled his desire, and before he knew it, he could feel himself hardening again, even though he had come just a while ago. Gaara was completely hard already, and was slowly grinding against Neji, making the feelings more intense, and sending his mind into a swirl of heat and passion. He would be gone soon, and he wouldn’t have this chance, this decision waiting for him to be ready to go forward, to take the next step. He wanted Gaara, there was no surprise there. But he didn’t know if he would be able to do this, or if he would panic once things got to the point of no return and end up just annoying Gaara.

It must be irritating that every time he tries to have sex with me, I stop everything and break down completely. He doesn’t need to deal with my weird insecurities. I should just trust him. I should trust that it will be good if I give him this chance. I told him that I wanted him to feel the way I do, that I wanted us to make love. He’s told me he loves me, and I feel like it’s true, but I keep holding back because I’m afraid. What if he doesn’t like it? What if he realizes that he feels just the same when he’s with me as he does with all the others, and that this whole time, what he felt wasn’t love, but lust. Maybe he just wants me, and once he’s had me, that will disappear, and he’ll forget me completely.

Neji could see that what was stopping him was this fear, and the fact that this spot he was in with Neji at this point was so comfortable. Even if Gaara just wanted to have sex with him and nothing more, by holding that back, he was making sure that nothing would happen, good or bad. He wanted to deepen things between them. He wanted to see what it was to make love to someone, instead of just fucking them. He wanted that person to be Gaara, and while he still had fears that it would hurt, or that he wouldn’t really know what to do, he knew that more than anything, his biggest fear was that Gaara would not longer care about him once he let it happen.

Why can’t I just trust in him? I want him to trust me, to feel like he can always be happy with me, that he could even sleep, someday. How can I expect him to do that if I keep holding this back, if I can’t trust that he’ll still love me in the morning if I give him everything I have left to give? I need to let go of my doubts or we’ll always be stuck in this spot. If I believe in him, if I believe in us, who knows how far we’ll go? But if I can’t do that, we’re already doomed.

He felt like he’d had an epiphany, and he knew that even if he was nervous, he wasn’t going to turn back this time. He would keep pushing forward and follow this through to the end, to see where it would lead them. He wondered for a few moments how he should let Gaara know that he wanted to do this, and then finally just pulled back, looked at him with solemn eyes and said, “I’m ready now.”

“For what?” Gaara made a face to express his confusion, and Neji realized it wouldn’t be that simple.

“For us to…you know.” He cleared his throat, wishing he wasn’t blushing and elaborated. Gaara sometimes understood immediately what Neji was talking about, but at times when he didn’t, it was best to be as clear as possible to avoid confusion. “I want to make love.”

“Oh, you mean sex.” Gaara nodded thoughtfully, not seeming distracted from their previous activities at all, as he ground against Neji again and let out a soft noise, showing absolutely no embarrassment as he did this. “Who is on bottom, then?”

“Um…well me, I thought.” Neji felt his face go ten shades of red. Gaara had either just tricked him into saying that so that he could rub it in his face later, or he really didn’t see any issue with asking such a question. Neji had assumed from before that he would insist on being top, and that he would have to learn to get comfortable with the idea if he ever wanted to have sex. “Unless you think…um…”

“I thought you would want to, before, but you were upset about that, and I thought you wanted me on bottom, then.” Gaara shrugged as though it really made no difference to him at all. “That’s good though, I did want to put it in you.”

“If you…if you really don’t mind, maybe we can take turns so if…if I can’t do it one way…” Neji was feeling like a complete sexual novice. These questions never came up with Tenten for two reasons. One, he wasn’t concerned very much with what she wanted, and two, he was the only one with a dick to stick in things, so it wasn’t really brain surgery figuring out who it would go in to.

“Okay.” Gaara moved off of him and rolled to the edge of the bed, rummaging in his end table.

“What are you—“ Neji began, but Gaara turned with a bottle in his hand, and Neji had a shrewd idea of what might be in it.

“I’ll put this on first, it’s easier the first time.” Gaara paused and turned his head on one side. “Unless you want me to just ram it in like it is?”

“Um, no, that seems…whatever you think is best.” Neji could see from the slightly feral grin on Gaara’s face as he spoke about it that he probably preferred to do things quickly and very rough. Neji could understand that, of course. Before, that was all he wanted, just to do it hard and fast and get it over with. But he was nervous about that hurting, though he wouldn’t admit it, and he also wasn’t sure he just wanted this to be something they did quickly and then forgot about. He wanted it to really mean something.

Gaara kissed him then, carefully holding his lubricated hand to one side, and he gave Neji a small smile before whispering in a child-like tone. “I’m excited for this.” Neji suddenly felt much better. Gaara wanted this, just as he did, and he was happy, and this would bring them even closer, so there was nothing wrong with that. And even though he had been pulling Gaara down into kisses a few moments ago, caressing his skin and making him feel good, now the roles were suddenly reversed. Gaara used the lubricated hand to make him even harder, using his slow, slick strokes to make Neji nearly insane with desire, before letting it slip down between his legs and rubbing around the entrance before slipping a finger in. He was kissing Neji all over his face and neck, but as he did this, he looked up to gauge the reaction, and seeing that Neji, who was now being slowly stroked by Gaara’s other hand, was feeling too good to notice that anything different from the usual was happening, moved his finger slowly in and out.

Just thinking of finally being able to do this with Neji made Gaara unbelievably excited. He had already had sex with men many times, and while he had been bottom and top on separate occasions, he had liked to imagine he was with Neji both ways in those times. He knew from comments that many men considered it emasculating to be on bottom, or that most men didn’t like to switch, but Gaara saw benefits to both positions, and while he thought it would be amazing to sink himself into Neji, he also desperately wanted to feel Neji sink into him, and fill him completely. And now that he had thought about it the way that Neji presented it, as something to do with love, he wanted to know if it would be better with Neji because of that.

Before long, he had two fingers, and then three in Neji. By this time, the man underneath him was still excited, but Gaara could see easily that he was nervous. Gaara wondered if he was afraid of the pain of being penetrated, or if he was just nervous about the two of them finally doing this, and decided that he was not really in a good mental place to analyze emotions. Right now, he just wanted to put himself in Neji, and forget everything else. He pulled the other man’s legs up over his head and poised himself at the entrance.

“Okay, ready?” Gaara warned, and Neji gave him a tight nod. Gaara usually moved fast through this sort of thing, but he really enjoyed everything he did with Neji, so it made sense to him to do this slowly as well, to make it last. He moved himself into the tight passage, and wondered if it was just all the time without sex or the fact that Neji was clearly superior to anyone he had been with that was making this feel so amazing. He decided maybe a bit of both. His eyes fluttered as he struggled to maintain control. He wanted to pull out and slam back in violently, to feel this again as quickly as possible, but he also did not want to hurt Neji.

“Go…ahead.” Neji had admittedly felt a spike of pain when Gaara entered him all the way, but he was confident that it would be worth it if he just trusted the other man. He pulled back and came back down, kissing Neji’s forehead and cheeks as he continued to slowly accelerate the pace. Each stroke, it seemed, came a little faster, and after a while, he could tell they were working deeper into him.

That was when the world exploded.

“Fuck!” Neji had not been expecting that, and his hands clamped down on Gaara’s arms so hard, he thought it might bruise the pale skin. The redhead was breathing heavily, letting out moans occasionally, but at the sudden exclamation, he froze and looked down at Neji in alarm.

“What happened?” he demanded immediately.

“I don’t know, but you need to do it again!” Neji moved his hands down to grab Gaara’s hips and pull them into him.

“Oh, that.” Gaara gave one of his biggest smiles yet, apparently immediately understanding what had taken place, and sure enough, when he pulled back and thrust in once more, Neji felt like a bomb had exploded inside of him, releasing pleasure though his entire body.

“Ah, that!” Neji’s back arched when it happened a third time, and he scrabbled for a hold on Gaara’s hips. He wanted to be in control now that he knew that it was actually going to feel this good. “Do it again!”

“Yeah?” Gaara continued thrusting into him, making his world dissolve and reform with every push, and Neji’s cock leaked all over his stomach as he teetered on the edge of orgasm. Neji felt he might actually cry if it just kept happening to him, because it felt almost too good, but then, as he was thinking this, Gaara’s pace suddenly increased. “Ah…fuck…” Gaara was pounding into him uncontrollably, and while Neji felt twinges that warned him this was a bit too much strain to get away without any pain later, the amazing feeling as Gaara continued to hit that spot inside of him completely overshadowed it. “Neji…I…Neji!” and Gaara crying out his name did the job. Neji felt his release spray over their chests, and a few thrusts later, Gaara cried out his name once more and collapsed on top of his lover, having just spent himself. Neji sighed softly, feeling overwhelmed and amazed by what had just happened. He had let another man top him, and it hadn’t been horrible. In fact, that orgasm had been one of the most intense of his whole life.

He had been afraid Gaara would lose control, and while to some extent, he had forgotten to keep his speed and power in check near the end, Neji didn’t mind at all. It had felt amazing, and he could tell from the way Gaara had been reacting through it that he thought the same thing.

Wrapping his arms around Gaara, he let his mind wander to the odd feeling of an erection fading while it was still inside of him. It seemed that this sort of thing was never meant to be necessarily about lustful domination, Neji could see that now. Both parties felt pleasure, and it was a mutual experience.

I just had sex with Gaara.

He felt giddy and exhausted all at once, and he didn’t know what to do with his energy. “I love you,” he told the still stationary man laying on top of him, pinning his legs against his chest.

There was no response, not even a soft grunt of acknowledgement.

Neji was worried, so reached over and turned Gaara’s face upwards slightly before the situation became clear. There was no resistance, so he almost didn’t need to see the face to know what had happened.

Gaara was fast asleep.

And this time, he stayed that way for two hours.

-----

To be continued…
- 9
- 10
- 11
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