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Shouldering the Blame	By : fuyunoakegata Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1329 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
Rating: PG-13, for drumroll.... TSUNADE!
:) and a little bit of profanity�

Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka Iruka/Kakashi I like my boys to switch xD same
with Raidou and Genma

Status: WIP, but hope to finish soon... yes, I know you�ve heard that
from me before, lol.

Summary: Kakashi returns from a mission; Iruka patches him up and
fluffiness ensues. Kinda�

Genre: WAFF, fairly mild angst (it always slips in there if I�m writing
Kakashi, doesn�t it?) HC

Warnings: biseinen ai, yaoi, coarse language and provocative
conversation, medical imagery

Disclaimer: I asked Kishimoto-san for several shinobi for my birthday� I
kinda conveniently forgot to put them back when I was done� So technically they
aren�t mine, but I think they have a lot more fun with me�

Author's Notes: Thank you to Hatochan, for more than you�ll hopefully
ever know. You�re the reason I started writing again and the reason I continue,
despite my doubts and all the little bumps in the road� this is part of
Hatochan�s Tolerant Intolerant universe and occurs just before Hato�s Playing
Doctor, but works better if you read it after hers. This and Playing Doctor
occur about 3 - 3 � months after the wedding from her Along the Way: Ch.10 �
Prancing. They are married and living together in a house, so the old
apartments are now gone...    Hatochan's Playing Doctor is
fairly explicit, guys. DO NOT read if you're not legal... or if you can't
handle some yummy kinkiness... ;) it�s on the KakaIru LiveJournal and
Adultfanfiction.net
        Oh, and the nasty doctor character?
His name means 'withering winter wind' I never remember to post things
like that in my notes, usually.

Iruka dropped to his knees, cradling Kakashi gently against
him, and then sat back on his heels with the jounin facedown across his lap,
petting him softly and whispering words of apology.

�Usagi-san, first I need you to find Shizune and bring her
here, and then send in that damned fool medic so I can figure out what went
wrong.�

Tsunade knelt beside Kakashi and checked his pulse and
breathing before opening an eye and peering at it closely. �Very effective, Iruka. Normally I would have recommended the back
of the neck, but in this case it probably would have been ill-advised.� The healer waited a moment, picking her
words carefully. �You feel like you
betrayed him, don�t you?�

Iruka looked up, surprised, but answered honestly. �Didn�t
I? He trusted me.�

�Let�s get him off the floor and into the bed, Iruka, then
we�ll talk.� Tsunade folded the rail
down on the hospital bed.

Iruka shifted the jounin from his lap into his arms and stood
carefully.

�Prone, so I can get a good look at his back and shoulder,
please.� Tsunade pulled a lamp closer
as Iruka placed Kakashi face down on the bed, carefully turning his head to one
side. �Don�t give in to it, Iruka. If there is one lesson I�ve learned over the
years and can pass on to you, it�s �don�t let guilt or regret overwhelm you.� I know you think I couldn�t possibly know
what you�re feeling, and you�re right, I don�t know every nuance you�re feeling
this moment, but I know enough to know that right now what you did feels wrong
to you. But what would have happened if
you hadn�t done anything? What if he
got loose and injured innocent civilians or collapsed alone somewhere?� She talked as she examined the puffy, red,
oozing punctures.

She paused to let her words sink in. �You did the right thing,
Iruka. Despite personal feelings, you
did what you had to, to protect him and everyone else, and you did it with a
minimum of damage or injury. You see it
as a betrayal of Kakashi�s trust, but if you hadn�t acted, it would have been a
greater betrayal, a betrayal of everything you�ve been taught, of your ninja
way, of everything you and Kakashi hold most sacred. It takes a good deal more strength and leadership to put
everything else aside and make a difficult decision like that quickly under
pressure. Use some of that good sense
you use with everyone else every day and forgive yourself. You�d tell the same thing to anyone
else. Take the advice yourself. You don�t resent Genma or Raidou for what
they did. Stop blaming yourself for
doing what you had to do.�

Tsunade reached for a series of objects on the table next to
the bed and handed a clear plastic bag of fluid to Iruka. �Hang this from the pole, please. Maybe one of these days when he comes in he
won�t be dehydrated�� She deftly
bandaged the punctures before inserting the needle and setting up the IV,
adding a dose of a general antibiotic to start fighting the infection.

Iruka had quietly watched everything that was done to the
sleeping man and finally sat down beside the bed, staring at the blue
walls. He couldn�t remember any of the
other walls in the hospital being anything other than standard white, sickly
yellow, or drab green. �I�m fine,
Tsunade-sama. I know I had to do it and
I�d do it again, but I don�t feel good about it. Please don�t ask me to. I
know my duty, and I will always do it, but I won�t always enjoy it. I do feel like I betrayed his trust. He was scared and confused and I played on
that. I told him I wouldn�t let anyone
hurt him and then I attacked him from behind. He trusted me. I hope he
still does. Whether it was right or
wrong, I�m the one who has to live with what I did. I�ll come to terms with it,
but what happens if one of these days he doesn�t trust me when I need him to?�

She noted the rigid set of Kakashi�s shoulder despite the fact
that he was asleep and she was no longer touching the area and added a small
but potent dose of painkiller to the IV. �He�ll always trust you, Iruka, until
the day he dies. I�m sorry you had to do this and make this choice. I�ve made more than my share of decisions
that I questioned for years afterwards.
I still question a few to this day.
The important thing is to learn from each choice, right or wrong. Don�t make the same mistake twice, but don�t
let fear of being wrong keep you from making a decision or cloud your judgment. Now, if I�m not mistaken, we should figure
out exactly what got Kakashi riled up so badly in just a minute or two.�

As if on cue, three knocks sounded on the door. Tsunade twitched the sheet up, settling it
in place over the unmasked face. �Come.�
Iruka rose to leave, but a hand to the shoulder and the murmured, �Stay.
You have the right to be here,� held him in place.

The young man who entered had pale blond hair and light blue
eyes and very obviously believed in the religious use of sunblock or spent very
little time in the sun. He bore a faint resemblance to the jounin on the bed,
but after closer observance, Iruka realized it was only superficial. The healer had an icy demeanor that many an
Uchiha would have coveted and could most probably give any Hyuuga lessons in
haughty arrogance. The more he studied
the similarities, he realized the difference that had bothered him from almost
the moment the man entered the room.
Those chilly blue eyes held none of the calm empathy Iruka most
associated with medic-nins. He seemed
devoid of any warmth or passion whatsoever.

�Kogarashi-san.�

�Hokage-sama.� The man
dipped his head in the barest nod courtesy and protocol allowed. A frosty gaze flicked towards the bed. �The
patient is unbound and the ANBU guard is not present. I must protest, Hogame-sama.
Do you really think this is wise?�

Tsunade arched an eyebrow at the question. �I think I know what
I can expect, Kogarashi-san. Did you?�

�Hokage-sama?� Only the barest inflection made the utterance a
query.

�Did you even bother reading Hatake-san�s file?� Iruka could
see just how little patience Tsunade had for ineptitude in the workplace.

�I glanced��

Tsunade broke in. �I
know you only glanced. If you�d read,
you�d have known better and I�d see your signature stating you read the
instructions.� She tossed a wildly patterned folder to the table between Iruka
and the other doctor. �Don�t you even remember the simplest procedures for
dealing with injured ANBU or jounin? I bet you barged in here with your chakra
cloaked like it is now. That�s just
asking for disaster. Did you even see
the tag on his file? Walking in on this
brat like that without reading his file is like trying to walk through a minefield
backwards and blindfolded. So, what did you try first? Binding his chakra or restraining and
sedating him?�

The sullen silence was palpable.

Tsunade took a deep breath, her most perceivable assets heaving
visibly. �I bet Usagi-san tried to warn you, too, and you ignored him. High level shinobi hone their paranoia and
use it to their advantage as much as any of their physical senses. Hatake attacked two other shinobi tonight
he�s known and worked with for years.
He probably thought you were an enemy trying to torture him for
information or twisted sadistic glee or just for who he is. The seriousness of his condition is probably
the only reason you�re still alive and we didn�t have a major disaster here tonight.
Don�t you realize just how much latent power a shinobi of his caliber has? You almost let him run amok, delirious and
confused, not to mention this little stunt of yours may have exacerbated his
injuries. If we weren�t already
short-staffed and over-worked from the flu outbreak, you�d already be on
restriction. Would you like to explain
exactly what was going through your head through all of this?�

Hokage or not, the tone that answered was chillier and more
bitter than the weather outside. �I
glanced through the file, but stopped when I got to the warnings. I don�t have time to read the drivel others
put in to cover their own laziness and ineptitude. I�ve seen Kakashi twice over the past two years. There�s nothing to warrant any fuss from my
observations. He�s not as strong a shinobi as everyone makes him out to be and
he never caused a fuss while he was here.
It�s all a screen to hide the fact that some medic-nin forgot to take
proper precautions and everything else had just been added on as hearsay and
gossip. No shinobi active today could
be even half as powerful as that piece of drivel claims.� Disdain dripped from his voice as he
indicated the medical report.

Despite the height differential, Tsunade loomed over him. �See here, you little piss-ant. Listen
carefully. I�ll go slowly so you don�t
strain your limited mental capacity, which seems to be matched only by your
lack of compassion. The only thing you seem to have in abundance is an
over-inflated sense of your own self-worth.�
Tsunade�s own chakra flared incandescently for a split second, far
brighter than it ever would outside battle or a warded healing room, and
Kakashi reacted to it, even in sleep.
�This is a fraction of my strength. Believe me when I tell you
Kakashi isn�t far behind me in raw power or ability. Both times you encountered Hatake he was so weak he could barely
move; after critically exhausting his chakra reserves, and after being exposed
to Uchiha Itachi�s genjutsu. A weaker
shinobi could have died in either situation.�

�As for that �piece of drivel,� I wrote it. I saved the brat�s life even before he was
born and was there at his birth. I
babysat and changed his diapers more than a time or two, as well. I was with him when he went on his first
mission, even before he became a genin. Do you doubt my judgment? If you�d taken the time to read, you�d
notice they aren�t warnings, they�re orders, and that�s why you were supposed
to sign and date that you read them. As
of now, you�re on administrative leave, short-handed or not. I�d rather double-up shifts than endanger my
shinobi, my patients, and my village having you on staff. Consider yourself confined to quarters until
assigned to re-training. Maybe a little
tour on border patrol will give you the required attitude adjustment. Go,
before I have time to regret my leniency for your negligence.� Tsunade waved him from the room and Iruka
had to smother an involuntary giggle when the soon-to-be ex-healer almost
slammed the door on his exit.

Iruka took a closer look at the wildly patterned file folder as
he tried to regain his composure. It
closely resembled a heraldic coat of arms.
Two quarters were a vibrant blue, one an almost fluorescent orange, and
the remaining a vivid yellow. The
Konoha leaf spiral was printed on the center in black and a wide strip of
diagonal black and red stripes adorned the top edge of the record.

Tsunade noticed the chuunin�s distracted frown. �Iruka?�

�Hmm? Oh! I�m sorry, it�s just very, ah, colorful, isn�t
it?� Iruka gestured to the file.

�Hehe, I suppose it
is. I�m sure Ibiki would love
our filing system. Blue indicates
jounin or ANBU level, chuunin is green, genin brown, pre-genin gray, and
civilians the normal manilla color. The
yellow indicates level two or higher security clearance is needed in all but
situations immediately threatening life, limb, or senses. Orange indicates only senior medic-nin are
allowed to treat him without direct supervision. That�s partly due to certain irregularities arising from the
sharingan, but also because as much as we try to train our staff, we can�t
afford any mistakes with Kakashi. He�s
just too valuable to the village.�

�Hmm.� Iruka nodded
agreement for the practicality of the system.
�The stripes at the top?�

�Oh.� Tsunade smiled
sheepishly. �That�s the warning tag for other healers. There are only four of these currently in
the village. All jounin level. Two are
poison specialists at risk for drug interactions from poisons and antidotes, so
they have a set of instructions tailored to their specific situation.�

�Shizune and Genma?�
Iruka guessed.

�Genma? Ibiki, actually. What�s the kid up to now that I�ve missed?�

�Errr, well a
discussion earlier tonight. He said
he�d help Kakashi tinker with the standard antidote formulas.�

�I should have
known. I�ll have Shizune talk with him
before he leaves so we know what he uses and can put a notation on his record. She can compare notes with him,
too. He�s probably come up with some
new things. That�s good, though.
Poison specialists are in short supply.�

�Tsunade-sama? You
might want to consider giving Raidou a copy of Genma�s information.�

�Let me guess, Genma
doesn�t go to the doctor unless Raidou makes him, and Raidou ends up taking
care of things most of the time.� The
tone was exasperated, but Iruka swore he actually saw an amused twinkle in
those amber eyes.

�Isn�t that why they
started the system, Tsunade-sama, because there was a shortage of full healers?
� Tsunade must have noticed the slight
twist of his lips that usually preceded teasing from the chuunin, because she
responded in kind.

�You�re spending too
much time around the brat, Iruka.
Didn�t you know jounin are a bad influence? Chuunin teasing the Hokage, what�s next?� She sighed dramatically,
before they both shared a quick smile.
�You have given me an idea, though.
Lots of what we see here at the hospital is minor. Necessary, but minor. Training injuries and
sicknesses all jumbled together, waiting for a doctor, and as this flu outbreak
has shown, no matter how careful we are, something like this will spread. What if we made everything official? You and Genma and Kakashi already see Raidou
for minor things that don�t require the services of a full healer. I�m sure other people do the same
thing. We are understaffed at the
hospital. I realize they were
originally trained for field-expedient first aid, but basic injury-care is
almost the same. We assign each shinobi
to a trained field medic, and if they aren�t out on a mission, the shinobi has
the option to have minor injuries taken care of without coming to the
hospital. It would make things easier
on the few like Kakashi who really can�t stand doctors, ease our staffing
problems, and keep us from unnecessarily exposing our injured ninja to
sickness.�

Iruka nodded. �I think
it would work, and it might even convince some of your more reluctant patients
to get things taken care of properly.
There�s a difference between going in to the hospital to have a possibly
sprained ankle taken care of and letting a friend take a look and patch you
up. Probably all you�d need to change
in the training would be teaching them how to distinguish what really does need
a medic-nin�s care and what they can treat, themselves. We�re all trained to some degree in first
aid, but sometimes it�s hard to know what we can safely take care of
ourselves. Maybe this will help prevent
some of the more serious re-injuries, too.�

Tsunade nodded, obviously deep in thought, but not so far lost
that she didn�t see the benefit of the distraction for Iruka. �You�re very good with this sort of
planning, Iruka. Would you mind helping
Shizune out a bit with this while Kakashi is here? Even if it isn�t serious, he still needs to be monitored for a
few days. Raidou was right, this is
obviously some sort of infection, and anything that can spread that quickly
needs to be watched carefully until we�re sure it�s completely gone. I already put you on leave and arranged for
someone to take over your classes, Monday morning.�

Iruka smiled ruefully.
�If it�s Shikamaru again, please tell him to stick to the lesson plan
this time. I realize shougi is a game
of strategy and has applications in tactical planning, but the first years
don�t have the patience for a tournament.
He�ll have to suffer through Monday morning�s Shinobi History lesson
right along with them. Maybe if he�s
teaching it this time, he�ll stay awake and learn something, himself.�

Tsunade chuckled, knowing things would have turned out just as
Iruka had said. �I�ll remind him,
Iruka-sensei, and tell him that cloud-watching is off limits as well.�

Iruka gave a fleeting smile that didn�t quite manage to reach
his eyes. �Tsunade-sama? The warning
tag, how long has Kakashi had that?� Iruka asked the question very quietly.

�Officially since I
came back. Unofficially, he�s been the
terror of the hospital since I can remember.
And that includes when Kyoko was pregnant. After the initial scare at the beginning, things went wonderfully�until
about three weeks before the birth.
There were a few small complications and I brought her in to the
hospital, just so we could monitor her, make sure she got enough rest, and in
case anything happened. Even unborn,
though, Kakashi was sensitive to the chakra around him, and after about a week
the distress was getting to her, not to mention the strain of dealing with
Sakumo while she was there.�

The blonde smiled sadly.
�He hated hospitals. He and Jiraiya both. I suppose being hospitalized was an affront to their manliness or
something equally idiotic. They would
just muddle through in some stupid show of machismo until they couldn�t stand
it any longer, then get patched up just enough to go right back out again. But one of them was there with her
constantly, that week. She finally
pleaded with me to send her home, and I did.
Things settled down dramatically, once she was away from everyone. But Kakashi was still very sensitive to
others� chakra for a few months afterwards.
I was afraid of complications, though, so I made her come to the
hospital for the birth. Kakashi reacted
so badly to the excess chakra flow around him that Kyoko was in agony. We had to move her to a small, quiet back
room of the hospital. It used to be an
office, actually. You could tell by the
window, and the walls. They were such a
beautiful, calming shade of blue��

Iruka sat quietly, soaking up all the little glimpses into
Kakashi�s past.

�Things weren�t quite
as bad when he was young. Kyoko and
Minato made sure he was taken care of, although there were some dreadful fights
a few times when he refused. He was
usually so quiet and reserved, like a little old man, sometimes, although he
had the most endearingly childlike sense of wonder for the small things. The look on his face as he brought a
dragonfly to his mother as she sat in the garden or solemnly held up a lost,
half-drowned kitten to Sakumo would bring tears to your eyes for the very
beauty of it.� Tsunade paused, eyes
suspiciously bright, before clearing her throat and continuing.

�It started out slowly,
with him refusing to get a small injury taken care of. He could be a holy terror when he got
stubborn. Maybe he watched Sakumo and
Jiraiya, maybe somehow he could remember, or maybe it was just some inate
distrust. Kyoko and Minato would bribe
or bully him into having his injuries treated.
After Kyoko and then Sakumo died, there were a few difficult incidents,
but after Minato died, it was near impossible to do anything more for him than
bandage his wounds and keep an eye out for him until he was well enough to
leave. He came back from a mission once
while he was in ANBU and wouldn�t let anyone but Rin near him. Went into a frenzy anytime he felt a hint of
anyone else�s chakra. The whole hospital
was in an uproar. Luckily Jiraiya was
passing through and told her about the room.
From that time on, it was his.
He wasn�t here much, even when in ANBU, but when he had to be, it was
here for him, this little small room tucked in a back corner, away from
everything else.�

�When I came back, I found out he�d managed to evade the
semi-annual physical and mental evaluations for more than eight years. I made a deal with him after the little
incident last winter, with your little jutsu gone awry.� Iruka swallowed quickly, fighting back a
blush. �Now he has quarterly visits with either Shizune or myself, and we will
sign his exams ourselves. After the
most recent incident, since you and Genma got back from your mission, I added
quarterly evaluations with Ibiki as well.
If he refuses either, he immediately goes off active status as a shinobi
until reinstated. To be honest, I doubt
Ibiki is any more stable than Kakashi, but they both function at an extremely
high level, despite everything that�s occurred to either of them, and it keeps
the Council off our backs. Things are
better now, but it�s always best to play it safe with them.�

�Thank you for sharing,
Hokage-sama.� Iruka bowed deeply. �I�m glad Kakashi had people who cared
enough to do something for him.�

Tsunade bowed back, even more deeply. �Thank you for sharing
yourself with him, Iruka. You�re what
he needs, and I�m glad you care enough to have stayed with him through
everything,�

Iruka blushed brightly, embarrassed at the attention, and
Tsunade decided to diffuse the situation with a touch of humor. �Only one other
person is generally placed in this room, beside Kakashi.�

Iruka looked up, intrigued.

�Someone that would
turn this entire hospital upside down if he were injured and brought within
these walls.�

�Who?� Iruka couldn�t
not ask.

�Jiraiya. I told you before, he hates hospitals almost
as much as Kakashi, but I hate what he does to my nursing staff even more. His tag states no nurse or healer under the
age of 40. I put him back here under
guard to keep him from molesting or peeking at the doctors, patients and
nurses.� Tsunade smiled so much her
eyes disappeared into little crescents, much like Kakashi had a habit of doing,
and Iruka laughed so hard he was afraid he might hurt something.

When he finally caught his breath, it was to hear Tsunade�s
�Enter.� He�d never even heard the
knock at the door.

�Hokage-sama.� The
rabbit-masked ANBU entered, bowing.
�Shizune-san asked me to inform you that she is repeating some of the
tests, herself, due to an error. She
says the results should be back within the next hour, but not to sedate
Hatake-san or give any type of antibiotic or painkiller until after she
finishes with the new tests. I hear her
muttering and swearing something about �that damned jutsu� as I left.�

One succinct utterance simultaneously fell from two sets of
lips.

�Shit��
- 9
- 10
- 11
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Shouldering the Blame