Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Until Death Do Us Part	By : Sasunarufan13 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 1354 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto nor make profit of it. Kishimoto owns it.

Chapter List
- 1-Until Death Do Us Part
- 1
Author's note: I didn't intend for this story to become this long, but it is what it is. This is a oneshot for Halloween, so unlike my usual practice, I'm not going to put the warnings at the start of the story. That would spoil the story too much.
However, for the ones who want some spoiler/warning of what lies ahead, I'll put the warnings at the end.
The only warnings you get at the beginning are: Naruto's pov; AU and established slash.
Happy Halloween, everyone ...
Until Death Do Us Part
"Sorry my meeting ran late."
Naruto smiled, cradling his phone between his ear and his shoulder while checking on the rice. "It's fine. I honestly hadn't expected anything else when you mentioned that Kakuzu guy would be attending the meeting."
Sasuke growled at the other end of the line. "If I had known he would be there, I would have excused myself. That guy doesn't know when to stop talking; he keeps complaining about the numbers and threatening to throw someone out of the window."
"Hidan again?" Naruto guessed, turning away from the pot and bracing himself against the counter.
His boyfriend snorted. "Surprisingly, no. This time it was Suigetsu, because the idiot wouldn't stop running his mouth about how we're doing financially well despite Kakuzu's doom-mongering."
"Was he right, though?"
"Of course the idiot was right, but when Kakuzu starts going on one of his rants, you just keep quiet and hope to fuck he runs out of steam sooner than later."
"You're still coming over to my place?" the blond man asked, glancing at the clock. A quarter to eight.
"If you don't mind."
"Like I would mind having you here," Naruto grinned. "I'm making some onigiri if you're hungry."
"God yes," Sasuke groaned and there was the beeping noise of the elevator opening its doors. "I'm starving, I haven't had anything to eat in more than four hours."
"I'll make enough then," Naruto snickered. "I'll see you soon. Drive safely."
"Always," Sasuke replied. "Don't start eating without me!"
"Then you'll just have to be here on time, don't you?" Naruto retorted teasingly and the other man huffed.
After they hung up, Naruto concentrated on the rice, keeping an eye on it to make sure it wouldn't burn, while he went through his cupboards to find something he could use to stuff in the centre of the onigiris.
He'd been waiting to eat until Sasuke was at his place, but neither of them had expected Sasuke's meeting to run that late. Naruto's stomach was starting to protest, especially with the rice nearby, but he ignored the call of hunger. Sasuke was almost home; his stomach could wait a bit longer to be fed.
The onigiris were waiting on the kitchen counter and the clock was slowly nearing half past nine. The late hour had Naruto becoming restless, because Sasuke still wasn't here. What on earth was taking him so long? The distance between his office and Naruto's house wasn't that big that it would take him more than an hour to get here.
Grabbing his phone for the fifth time in less than two minutes, he stared at the dark screen, wondering for the umpteenth time whether he should try calling Sasuke again. He'd tried to call him ten minutes ago, but he had only got his voicemail. Sasuke had a policy of never picking up when he was driving, but with the clock reaching nearly half past nine, Naruto would really like to know what was taking him so long.
Had he made a detour for some reason? Was he stuck in traffic? They didn't live in the big city, so traffic tended to be relatively mild, but Naruto had heard the sound of sirens nearly an hour ago – maybe there had been an accident and Sasuke was stuck waiting until the road was cleared?
"A head's up would be appreciated, bastard," he muttered, pacing back and forth in his living room.
He tried calling again, but for the second time he only received the voicemail. "Sasuke, would you please pick up and tell me where you are? Or at the very least text me? It's nearly half past nine; what's taking you so long?" He ended the call with a huff, throwing his phone on the couch.
Loud knocking on the front door startled him badly and he nearly tripped over the coffee table in his haste to open the door. "Finally, where the hell - " he cut himself off abruptly when he realised that instead of Sasuke, his brother Itachi was standing on his porch.
He was still dressed in his suit, though his tie was gone, and some strands of black hair were escaping his low ponytail. His eyes appeared darker than normal, which was quite the feat, considering they were already dark of their own.
"Itachi!" Naruto exclaimed surprised, bracing his hand against the doorframe. He peeked around the older man, hoping to catch sight of his elusive boyfriend. "You know where Sasuke is? He was supposed to be here already, but he's not even picking up his phone."
"Naruto-kun …"
The odd infliction in Itachi's voice had Naruto stilling, staring up at the other man carefully. He couldn't read the tone, but even so, it made something twist inside of him and he suddenly felt inexplicably cold, as if ice water had been dumped over him.
Itachi's next words had darkness creeping in on the edge of his vision. "Sasuke, my brother – he had an accident."
A pause. A shuddering breath.
"And it's bad."
It was a classic case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Some teenagers had had the brilliant idea to race through the streets. One had stopped at the red light, but the other one had ploughed on through, eager to win. He'd smashed into Sasuke's car straight on; the speed he'd been driving with propelling his car into the driver's side, completely obliterating it.
The guy had been thrown out of his vehicle, not having worn his seatbelt, but Sasuke had been stuck in his car. The firefighters had had a hard time retrieving him from his ruined car and later one of them would say that even sardines had more space in their can than Sasuke had had in his vehicle.
Sasuke had an extensive list of injuries, including but not limited to several severe fractures, broken bones, internal bleeding …
The operation to save his life took hours and even though it was the middle of the night – ten to three in the morning to be exact – Naruto was wide awake, clutching a half empty cup of coffee like it was a life line.
On his right, Itachi sat as immobile as a statue; his boyfriend Deidara sitting on his other side, keeping their clasped hands on his thigh. Sasuke's parents, Mikoto and Fugaku, were sitting opposite of Naruto, next to each other. Mikoto had her head bowed; her lips were moving nonstop, uttering inaudible words – prayers perhaps. Fugaku had his gaze fixated on the door behind which his youngest son was currently being operated on; he barely blinked, as if he didn't want to take his eyes off the door for even one millisecond.
This late at night there was barely anyone on this floor. Occasionally a nurse would walk past them, carrying files or a full cup of coffee, looking dead tired on their feet. The light had a tendency to flicker every ten minutes and there was the constant never ending buzzing of machines keeping people alive behind the other closed doors.
It was incredibly depressing and stifling, but Naruto didn't want to leave. Not until he knew whether Sasuke would make it, not until he was sure the other man would get out of his mess alive. He hadn't seen how Sasuke had looked like – the operation had already been ongoing by the time Itachi had driven them both to the hospital – but the list of injuries Mikoto had almost robotically enumerated, was enough to make him nauseous.
God, please, let him be okay.
He could only sit there and stare at his cup, coffee long gone cold, awaiting the moment one of the doctors would come out to give them news. Sasuke had to be okay, he just had to. He was being attended to by the best doctors in the country – bless the Uchiha name for opening doors – and he'd always been stubborn, even more than Naruto. There was no way some stupid kid would get the better of him.
Naruto had to tell himself that over and over again, just to stave off the ever growing panic. It made his stomach churn ugly and had him painfully swallowing every couple of minutes, even when his mouth was as dry as the desert. His cheeks pricked uncomfortably with heat and he forced himself to focus on his breathing, ignoring the way his hands trembled faintly.
He's going to be okay. When I see him next, he'll be awake and tease me for getting worried about him. He's going to be okay.
He's going to be okay.
He was close to throwing up when the doors suddenly flew open and a tired looking doctor strode towards them, running a hand through his hair. He'd removed his plastic gloves and the short they had to wear during surgeries, but he was still wearing the cap and the protective covers around his shoes.
At once they all stood up and stared at him expectantly. Mikoto was clutching Fugaku's arm and Deidara rested an arm around Itachi's waist. Naruto stood between the two couples, feeling alone more than ever now, painfully aware that the only one who could offer him comfort now was also the sole person they were all worried sick about.
"Are you Uchiha-san's family?" the doctor asked them. His face was drawn with exhaustion – no wonder when the clock read four thirty-five in the morning.
"Y-yes." Mikoto cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "How did the surgery go? How's my son doing?" Her lower lip trembled almost imperceptibly and she tightened her grip on her husband's arm.
"It wasn't easy," the doctor told them wearily. "Excuse me for being blunt, but he flatlined three times and he lost a lot of blood. We treated his injuries to the best of our abilities and while he isn't in the safe zone yet, he's stabile for now. That's the best outcome we can hope for now."
"Can we see him?" Fugaku asked gruffly.
"Only two people for now and only for a bit," the doctor warned them. "We're going to keep him on intensive care for now so that we can monitor his progress."
"Who's going to see him?" Itachi questioned softly when the doctor had walked away to discuss something with one of the nurses.
"You two should go," Naruto told Mikoto and Fugaku, forcing a smile on his face.
Truth be told, he wanted nothing more than to rush to Sasuke's side now, check with his own eyes how he was doing, but he'd also noticed the looks exchanged between the older couple. He was Sasuke's boyfriend and best friend, yes, but they were still his parents. He was already worried to death about the dark haired man; he couldn't imagine how worried his parents must be.
"Are you sure?" Mikoto asked softly, worrying her lip between her teeth.
Seeing her do that, a move so uncharacteristically her as she was normally so composed, only furthered his resolve. He nodded, smiling faintly. "Yeah, go on. Say hi to him from me."
"From us as well, un," Deidara murmured; his usual sparking eyes looking dull.
"We will," Fugaku promised and then they were off, following the nurse behind the doors.
All the strength left Naruto unexpectedly and he sagged back down on the uncomfortable chair, burying his face in his hands. He hunched his shoulders when he felt a hand descending on his back.
"He's stable now; that's the best news we could have got," Itachi said quietly.
Naruto knew he was right, but it was a meagre comfort now.
"You scared the hell out of me, you know that?"
Weak sunlight illuminated the sterile, white room; the machines quietly beeping or buzzing in the background. There was only one bed in the room; its occupant as pale as the sheets he was lying under. Black hair laid feathered out across the pillow; shockingly dark against white. Various wires and tubes connected him to the machines surrounding his bed, monitoring his vitals carefully.
Pursing his lips tightly together, Naruto slowly reached out and carefully grasped the hand closest to him, disliking the way it laid limply in his own.
"You're going to pull through, you hear me?" he whispered fiercely, lifting Sasuke's hand to press his lips against it. "This is nothing. You're going to wake up soon and get better and go home with me. We've still got a lot of things left to do, remember? Living together, getting married, maybe even getting kids … I won't even complain if you grow a whole vegetable garden with nothing but tomatoes." His laugh was wobbly, thin and he quickly wiped his other hand underneath his nose.
"Just … please wake up soon, okay? Please." He leant down and pressed a light kiss against slack lips. "I love you," he whispered.
The machines' beeping and buzzing was his only reply.
"We did everything we could, but the damage is too large, too irreversible."
"He fought hard, but his brain scans don't show any signs of activity anymore."
"I'm sorry, but Uchiha-san is braindead."
Itachi strode past him with a tight face, but Deidara paused to squeeze his shoulder softly, nodding at him silently. Just as silent he followed Itachi down the hallway, leaving Naruto standing alone in front of the door. He was the only one left now.
The only one left to …
With a lump in his throat too big to swallow down, he walked slowly into the room; his feet heavy, his heart heavier. He didn't want to walk into this room, didn't want to do what he had come to do.
Because that would mean acknowledging reality. It would mean facing the cold, harsh truth. He wasn't ready for that. Wouldn't ever be ready for it, he felt like.
But he had no choice.
He came to a halt next to the bed, in front of the chair where he'd spent so many afternoons, talking and pleading for the other one to wake up. He'd prayed to whatever god or goddess willing to listen to him, but in the end, it had all been worthless.
No god or goddess had answered his prayers.
"How could you do this to me?" he asked, voice wobbling; his chest starting to hurt with everything he was trying valiantly to hold back. "You were supposed to wake up. You were supp-supposed to sit up and smirk at me and tease me for being so goddamn worried about you. Instead you – you …"
He started crying, no longer able to keep the tears at bay. "You promised me forever, remember? We'd stay together until we were old and grey and instead you – you lied to me. How could you have lied to me?" His voice cracked and he sank down on the bed, grabbing Sasuke's hands tightly.
Hands which would never squeeze back or caress him or love him. He'd never have another chance to look deep into beautiful black eyes and see love reflected back. Never again would he hear Sasuke's voice, never again would he hear his laugh or get mock angry about his smirking.
Sasuke had promised him forever – and forever ended now.
"I wanted to ask you to live together soon," Naruto whispered brokenly. "I had all these plans for us and … I don't know how to go on without you. How could you expect me to go on without you? That was never the plan, you bastard! We were supposed to stay together for the rest of our lives, grow old and grey and just …"
He broke down, crying like he'd never cried before, clutching Sasuke's hands as tight as he could. What he would give for just one more chance to talk to him, one more chance to see him smile.
One more chance to tell him he loved him and see that warm smile, that smile that was only reserved for him.
"I love you. I'll always do. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me! Whatever I need to do or say to get you to stay, I will! Just please …"
But no matter how much he pleaded and begged and cried …
Their forever was over.
And it would never come back.
Like a part of him had been torn away, ripped off violently. That was how he felt now. He was completely adrift, lost without the anchor he'd once believed would keep him grounded for the rest of his life.
He didn't know what to do now. He'd never really realised before just how ingrained Sasuke had been in his life, in him. Now he'd lost him forever and he started wondering what the point of everything still was.
What was life anymore now he'd lost the one person he loved the most? What was it worth still when he couldn't share it anymore with the only one who'd known him completely?
Sasuke had brought colour with him on the day he'd barged into his life. Now everything was bleak, a mockery of what it once had been.
He was lost and the only one who could find him was gone forever.
The only ones emptying Sasuke's apartment afterwards were he, Itachi and Deidara. Mikoto and Fugaku couldn't handle it. Naruto couldn't either, had to force himself in autopilot mode just to be able to walk through the door. He knew that he'd forever regret it if he didn't do this, however. It was the last thing he could do for him, the last time he could walk around here and see everything as it always had been. And everything was still like before, like the apartment was just waiting for its owner to return.
It hurt to look at everything and know nothing was the same anymore, would never be again, but he pushed himself to help either way.
A last goodbye.
It was in the last drawer of the nightstand that Naruto discovered it. It was small and compact, but it punched the air out of his lungs when he opened it. His vision blurred and his next intake of breath hurt badly; his lungs refusing to cooperate.
Itachi appeared next to him silently, stilling when he laid eyes on the black, velvet box. He uttered a soft sigh. "He'd been planning on proposing to you on your birthday."
His birthday was still two months away. "How long did he - " He couldn't finish the question; the lump in his throat too big.
"Officially since March, but … I think he bought it two years ago."
They had started officially dating each other two years ago. He choked out a half laugh, half sob, clenching the box tightly. His vision was so blurry by now, he had a hard time making out the silver band encrusted with a single line of sapphire stone.
"Th-that bastard," he croaked out, "al-always claiming he wasn't the romantic type." He fumbled a bit but then he had the ring out of the box. With a trembling hand he slipped it around his finger; his chest aching badly at the sight.
It was a perfect fit.
Of course it was. Like it could have been anything else than perfect.
"I would have said yes." The words came out raw, forced past the lump in his throat.
"He knew that," Itachi said quietly. "He just wanted to make it perfect for you."
It would have been perfect no matter what the plan had been, because it would have been Sasuke asking him. Now he would never know what Sasuke had wanted to do.
Just one more thing that was now stolen from him.
Life returned to normal, like it was wont to do. Life didn't care about loss and heart ache – it just went on.
Naruto wished he could move on just as easily. He couldn't, though.
Not when during those moments between unconsciousness and awakening, he could still feel Sasuke's arms around him, cradling him close. Just like the countless times before when one of them had stayed the night and they would fall asleep, wrapped in each other's arms. Even now still, the arms felt so warm, so tangible, so real that it was easy to believe they were really there, that Sasuke was lying beside him, holding him close.
Then he would open his eyes and harsh reality would crush him when he realised he was alone after all. That the other side of the bed would remain cold. His bed hadn't felt warm anymore since that horrible day. Sasuke had always jokingly called him his personal heater; now he felt cold the whole time.
Perhaps they had been wrong in the end: maybe Sasuke had always been the warm one. With that warmth gone now, only coldness was left.
He liked to think that he could handle that soul crushing disappointment every morning upon waking up if it was just those phantom arms. But it wasn't. Sometimes he would be doing something, planning his class schedule for the upcoming week or cooking – though he barely had any appetite left nowadays – and out of nowhere he would suddenly be hit with the smell of the cologne Sasuke had loved to wear. The odour would be so strong, so intense, it was as if Sasuke was somewhere close by.
And despite knowing better, fully aware it was impossible, he would have hope blooming up inside of him and he'd turn around, expecting to see Sasuke standing right behind him.
He never was, of course. He would never be again.
Now matter how much he wished for it.
Sometimes, in his darkest moments, he considered ending it all. He would see Sasuke again then, maybe even mum and dad. That seemed like a much better prospect than staying here, going through the motions of everyday life while completely empty inside. He was surviving; he'd stopped living the moment Sasuke had. There was no point anymore, really.
He thought he'd kept these feelings hidden well.
"Sasuke wouldn't want you to give up."
He turned sharply away from the tomb, staring at her with parted lips. The ruthless November wind snatched at her beautiful, dark locks, pulling them out of the bun. She looked at him steadily, appearing regal in her dark blue coat and black dress even amidst a sea of grey and black tombs.
"I can see you want to give up," Mikoto murmured, stepping closer. "My son wouldn't want that. He'd want you to keep living."
"I wanted him to keep living too," he retorted sharply and stuffed his hands in his pockets, walking away from the grave. "We can't always get what we want."
In the end he didn't.
He kept living, even when he still hurt, even when he ached so much all he could do was curl up and hold together whatever pieces were still left of him. Sometimes he imagined he could feel Sasuke's arms folding around him then, trying to comfort him. His nose would itch with the familiar scent and when he was far gone, he fancied he could actually feel his warmth pressing all around him.
They were bittersweet, those moments. Because one part of him was strangely happy during those moments, when he could believe Sasuke was still there with him. It eased the tight ball in his chest somewhat, made him feel less alone. The other part in him hated those moments, because they were just another reminder of what he had lost. No matter how much he longed for it, those moments weren't real.
At the same time those moments made him question where he was losing his mind. Surely it wasn't normal to keep imagining his dead lover holding him? There had to be something wrong with him that he kept catching Sasuke's scent when nothing in his surroundings even carried that scent anymore – he would know, he'd broken down when he realised he could no longer smell Sasuke on his pillow.
"Maybe you're not imagining it, un," Deidara told him gently when he'd finally found the courage to talk about it.
"What else could it be?" Naruto asked grouchily, slumping forwards. He'd another bad night after it had dawned upon him that he would spend the holidays alone for the first time since he could remember.
It was such a stupid thing to get upset about, but … It was a glaring reminder of the huge hole gaping inside of him.
"Maybe it's Sasuke-kun letting you know that he's still there? That you're not alone, un?" Deidara suggested, warming his hands around his cup of tea.
"You believe in stuff like that?" Naruto asked sceptically, but a part of him couldn't help but be intrigued.
And strangely comforted.
The older blond shrugged. "I don't know, Naruto-kun, but … Doesn't it help, thinking that he's still there in some form?" He gazed at him questioningly, taking a careful sip of his drink.
Naruto stared down at his own drink, contemplating the question. He supposed that … in a way it did help a bit, thinking Sasuke was still there. That he'd still kept his promise in some kind of form, even if he couldn't be there physically anymore.
It was just his brain, of course, because Sasuke wasn't really there, but … it helped. It mended the ache somewhat.
"Yeah," he murmured. "It helps."
Things became … better somewhat after that conversation. He no longer dreaded that small moment between sleeping and waking up, but instead just enjoyed the illusion his brain had come up with. He treasured those little moments in which he thought he could feel Sasuke touching him, enjoyed the scent of his cologne for as long as his brain conjured it.
Maybe it wasn't the right way to cope with his loss, but it was a way. It helped him, pushed him back up. It soothed the ache inside of him, made him feel less alone when he was home.
It wasn't like flipping a switch. He didn't immediately become that happy, optimistic, energetic Naruto again who he had been before he'd lost Sasuke. It wasn't that easy.
But one day he caught himself smiling when he looked at a bright orange T-shirt with a dancing pineapple on it and he wondered what Sasuke would have said about that. That was the first time thinking about Sasuke hadn't hurt him that much. There was still that lingering ache, that longing that would most likely never go away. But he could think about him without spiralling down in misery immediately and that was the first step.
He'd get there eventually, slowly but surely.
Even the longest winter had to end eventually and make way for spring.
"Come on, spill, un," Deidara demanded, narrowing his eyes and slamming his hands down on the kitchen table.
"Spill what?" Naruto blinked at him innocently.
"Something happened, un. I haven't seen you this happy in a while," Deidara said, diplomatically not mentioning that this "while" was taking more than two years so far.
Naruto hesitated, buying time by looking around in his kitchen. It wasn't that he wanted to keep it a secret; he just hadn't decided for himself yet how to feel about it.
"I met someone," he eventually answered, biting down on his lip.
Deidara's eyes widened a fraction. "A new friend or …" he trailed off, but the implication was there, hovering clear as day unspoken between them.
The younger man ran a hand through his hair; his stomach performing several odd flips. "I don't know," he settled on, because that was the truth. "I don't know if I should - " he broke off; the rest of his reply feeling like a taboo.
He and Deidara had grown a lot closer in the past couple of years and the man was able to fill in where Naruto had left off. His face softened and he brushed some errant strand of hair behind his ear.
"You're still young; you deserve another chance at happiness, un," he said soothingly.
Naruto looked away; guilt nagging at him in spite of the reassuring answer. "I just … I feel like that would mean betraying him," he confessed almost inaudibly. "That it would mean I stopped loving him, which I didn't!"
"Hey, nobody's ever going to doubt that, un. Everyone knows you still love him," Deidara said sharply and touched his wrist, pulling his attention away from the table and onto him. "Opening your heart for someone else doesn't mean you'll stop loving him. You can love him and still have another chance at happiness, un. You're far too young still to stay alone for the rest of your life. Don't do that to yourself." His cheeks were slightly flushed by now, him fired up on Naruto's behalf.
"You think I should go for it?" Naruto questioned uncertainly.
Deidara tapped his wrist. "It's been nearly three years, Naruto-kun. Nobody expects – or wants – you to stay miserable and in mourning. Sasuke-kun himself would want you to be happy again, even if it can't be with him anymore."
Naruto released his breath slowly; the tight ball of anxiety in his chest unfurling a tad. "I guess you're right," he mumbled, tracing the rim of his cup. "Maybe I should ask him - "
A loud crash in the living room had them both jumping in fright. "Shit!" Naruto shot off his chair and rushed out of the kitchen. He came to an abrupt halt when he saw what had created the noise. "What the …"
One of the pictures depicting him and Sasuke kissing underneath the thick tree in the Uchiha garden was on the floor. Heart lurching, he snatched the frame off the ground, his shoulders slumping in relief when he saw the fall hadn't broken it.
"What happened, un?" Deidara followed him into the room, cocking his head when he saw the picture. "Did that one fall? How did that happen, un?"
"I have no idea," Naruto murmured, gazing at the picture before switching his gaze to the shelf. He'd been certain the photo – all of them actually – had been placed at a safe distance from the edge of the shelf. In fact they'd never taken a tumble before, because he was so careful with them. So how …
"Maybe there was a small tremor in the ground?" Deidara suggested.
"Maybe," Naruto agreed reluctantly and placed the frame back on the shelf, taking care to push it against the wall this time.
"So who is this new guy?" Deidara asked lightly, returning to the kitchen. "Where did you meet him?"
Naruto cast one last look at the photo, shook off the melancholy threatening to take over, and went back as well, determined to keep things light.
"I met him at the dog park …"
He didn't have a dog of his own – he would like to have one, but his work hours didn't allow for a pet which was anything else but a fish – but he loved to visit the dog park in his free time and watch the dogs there, perhaps even cuddling or playing with some if their owners allowed it.
That was how he'd met Gaara. The guy was there every day at the same time – late afternoon – training his Belgian Malinois and somehow they had started talking to each other. First just about his dog – who he'd named Shukaku because he was a geek for everything that dealt with mythology – but after a little while they started talking about themselves as well, their jobs, their hobbies, their friends …
It had come as a huge shock to him three months after he'd met Gaara to realise that he actually looked forward to seeing the other man and talk to him about whatever came up in their minds. He found himself leaving the house every day at the same time in the hopes of encountering the man at the park and was far much excited to see him than to see all the other regulars at the park.
He was ashamed to admit that that realisation had sent him into a near panic attack at first, because it felt like he was betraying Sasuke by liking the company of another man. Rationally he knew it wasn't a real betrayal – god knew he would never stop loving Sasuke, no matter how many years would pass – and that he was allowed to be happy without Sasuke, but … It had been a difficult pill to swallow.
Yet at the same time it had taken him less time to get used to these new feelings than he thought it would have taken him. Perhaps it was because Gaara was nothing like Sasuke. Their appearances were vastly different – where Sasuke had been a cool sort of beauty with his mysterious dark eyes and his black blue hair, Gaara appeared a bit more exotic with his flaming red hair and his pure green eyes. Sasuke had always looked like he'd walked straight from the catwalk even when he'd been dressed in comfy clothes; Gaara on the other hand didn't appear to give one single wit about how he looked like and preferred to wear dark or torn jeans and loose shirts.
The only type of jewellery Sasuke had ever worn had been the necklace with the Uchiha crest that he'd received from his mother when he'd turned eighteen. Unlike Naruto he hadn't ventured into getting a tattoo either. Gaara on the other hand had a blood red tattoo of the kanji 'love' on his forehead, a lily flower on his right upper arm to honour his mother and a nine tailed fox tattooed across his lower back. He seemed to possess a wide variety of bracelets and necklaces because he switched them every couple of days and Naruto hadn't caught him wearing the same one twice yet.
Sasuke's humour had often leant more towards the sarcasm side, sometimes even becoming a bit too cutting if he'd been in a foul mood. Gaara's humour was dry, his wit sharp and he had an uncanny knack for imitating people perfectly.
They were both so very different and Naruto thought that was exactly what he needed to be able to move on completely; not someone who reminded him too much of the one he'd lost, but someone completely different, entirely new.
Someone who managed to make him laugh even on the days he wasn't doing so well. Someone who might be able to finally glue the broken pieces inside of him together.
It was time to get a fresh start.
"You two looked really happy together."
Naruto paused, seeing Gaara standing in front of the shelf with the pictures. He was studying them intently; his thumbs hooked around the loops of his jeans. Sucking his lower lip between his teeth, Naruto put down the two bottles of beer on the table before he went to stand next to Gaara.
"Yeah, we really were," he admitted, looking at the pictures. It had taken him a long time but he was finally able to look at them without wanting to break down. Now he could even smile at them, remembering the memories tied to them with fondness instead of shying away from them.
"What happened?" Gaara regarded him curiously.
Right, he hadn't told him yet that … "He died three years ago," he murmured, staring at a picture which had Sasuke looking straight back at him, appearing groggy and dishevelled. He'd taken that one the morning after their graduation party. Sasuke had threatened to set his ramen stash on fire if he didn't delete that picture, but Naruto had kept it anyway, because it had simply been too golden to delete.
"An accident," he went on when Gaara stared at him. "Some teenagers were holding a race and one of them ignored the red light, slamming straight into Sasuke's car. He fought for three weeks, but they couldn't do anything for him anymore."
"I know it doesn't do much, but I'm really sorry to hear that," Gaara said softly.
"Yeah … It wasn't easy after that … I was a mess for a really long time," Naruto laughed self-deprecatingly, rubbing his hands over his cheeks. They felt a tad too warm even with the heating on.
"Nothing to be ashamed of," Gaara said, looking at the pictures again. "It's clear you two really loved each other."
"Yeah." He shook his head and grabbed Gaara's hand, tugging at it gently. "Come on, I didn't invite you over to talk about him."
"You can if you want to, you know," Gaara told him, following him easily to the couch. "You don't have to feel like you have to keep quiet about that part of your life."
"That's sweet," Naruto smiled, a surge of affection for the other man welling up in him. "And I'll keep that in mind, but tonight I want to do something else."
"Like what?" Gaara quirked an eyebrow, glancing quickly at the beer bottles.
"Well, I thought we could watch a film or so, drink some beer and after that …" He shrugged, feeling uncharacteristically shy. He looked away, fiddling with a loose thread inside his left sleeve.
Green eyes glistened warmly when Gaara laced their fingers together, pulling him gently down on the couch. "Sounds like a good plan to me," he smiled faintly.
Naruto smiled back and settled down comfortably next to Gaara, grabbing the remote so they could choose a film.
The film ended up being ignored halfway in. Instead he found himself pressed up against Gaara, sharing kisses and holding each other. It was as if he was transported back into time, when he'd been a teenager and his make out sessions with Sasuke had happened in secret at first, neither of them having outed themselves yet.
Kissing Gaara elicited a similar sensation; it had butterflies fluttering around in his lower belly and there was the nervous excitement he hadn't felt in a really long time.
"This okay?" Gaara whispered, pulling back slightly. His left hand rested on Naruto's hip, but his other one had slipped around him, rucking up his shirt slightly; a hint of his warm skin against the blond's.
Releasing a shuddering breath, Naruto nodded, tightening his own hold on the redhead's hips. "Yeah, this is okay."
More than okay even, he decided dazedly when Gaara leant in again for another kiss; this one a tad deeper, more playful.
He thought he might get used to this. Maybe happiness wasn't completely lost to him yet.
"Don't get too wild now," Temari warned them in a sing-song voice before practically skipping out of the door, a large smirk on her face.
"What is she talking about?" Naruto asked bemused, following Gaara into the kitchen.
Gaara had invited him over for dinner tonight, a week after they'd had the movie date at Naruto's place – and man, it made him feel strangely giddy to think of these meetings as dates. Temari had been here to drop something off, but her departing remark confused him.
Gaara snorted, gesturing for him to sit down. "Don't pay attention to her; she's a lunatic," he said dismissively.
"All right …" Naruto said slowly, still not comprehending what had just happened. Was it just some friendly sibling rivalry? He'd seen enough of that in action back when Sasuke had still been alive.
Sighing softly, Gaara turned around and lifted up his shirt all of a sudden, at the same time he pulled down his jeans a bit. "She barged into my room two days ago and saw these imprints. Been teasing me about it ever since." He rolled his eyes.
"Did I do that?" Naruto asked shocked, reaching out with his hand. He hadn't thought he'd grabbed Gaara that hard …
"Guess so," Gaara replied unbothered. "They don't hurt, though. I don't care either way."
But as Naruto stared at the imprints and then at his hands, an uneasy feeling rose up in him. Because he'd seen those imprints before – years ago on his own body multiple times even. When he and Sasuke had been a bit too rough in bed …
He shook his head and took a deep breath when Gaara lowered his shirt again. He was just imagining things; of course the imprints were from him – and he'd be more careful next time – because who else could they be from?
Even if the imprint of fingers were a tad longer than his own were … That didn't matter, though. The imprints were too vague; he was just imagining them being longer than his own.
He'd just have to be more careful next time things got a bit frisky between them.
They went on several more dates, spread out across two months. Gaara met Deidara, Itachi and some of Naruto's other friends in the meantime. Admittedly Naruto had been rather nervous about introducing Gaara to Itachi; it was one thing to admit to Deidara that he was ready to date again, a whole other thing to admit it to the guy he once believed would be his brother-in-law.
Itachi had reacted a lot better than Naruto had worried about. He'd been nice the entire time, talking about dog breeds of all things, and afterwards he'd told Naruto quietly that he was happy he'd found someone.
And Naruto … He was ready to admit that he was happy again. He would love Sasuke for the rest of his life, would keep missing him, but Gaara was showing him that he could be happy again, that he could love again.
Even if things would end up not working out between them, at least Naruto knew now he was capable of living instead of only surviving.
"Were you and Uchiha-san engaged?"
"What?" Distracted, Naruto looked up from the steak he was preparing. He and Gaara were officially a month together – officially as in that Naruto had finally been ready to call the redhead his boyfriend a month ago – and while that probably wasn't a real huge milestone for most people, for the blond man it was one. It signified that he was doing better than he'd ever hoped he would after he'd lost Sasuke.
So to celebrate that private milestone, he'd invited Gaara over for dinner at his place.
Gaara's unexpected question threw him for a loop, however. "What are you talking about?" he asked bemused, abandoning the steak in favour of seeking out Gaara in the living room.
He stiffened when he spotted the box in Gaara's palm. A box he hadn't looked at in nearly six months.
"Where did you get that?" he asked sharply, snatching the box out of Gaara's hand.
The other man looked at him startled. "Sorry, didn't mean to pry," he murmured, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. "I went to choose a film, like you asked, and I saw that box next to the bookcase on the floor." He pointed at the bookcase in question. "Figured it had fallen off one of the shelves."
"How …" Naruto cut himself off, staring puzzled at the box.
How had it ended up on the floor of all places? He'd placed it on one of the highest shelves, keeping it partly out of sight because the ring was still one of the few memories he shied away from. It reminded him too much of what he'd nearly had and even now three years later, that was a hard pill to swallow. Sometimes he took it out of the bookcase to look at it, but he preferred looking at the pictures instead; they were far less painful.
"I swear I wasn't prying," Gaara told him; a light frown marring his forehead. "The box just looked out of place on the floor, so I picked it up. The form of it kind of gave away what's inside. I didn't look at the content, I promise."
"I believe you," Naruto sighed and after staring at it a bit longer, he resolutely put it back on the shelf. "I don't know how it ended up on the floor; it's never fallen down before. But no, Sasuke and I were never engaged. He'd been planning on asking me on my birthday, but … he never got the chance." His throat itched and he blinked, turning away from the bookcase.
"Sorry," Gaara said softly and reached out to briefly caress his hand. Whatever he saw in Naruto's face made him shift his stance slightly and he offered, "You want me to help you out in the kitchen?"
"Technically you're my guest, but sure," Naruto smiled and gripped his hand, letting him silently know he was okay.
He'd have to find another place for the box, because he couldn't risk it falling again, but for now he would just enjoy dinner with his boyfriend and celebrate their one month of being together.
After Sasuke's death he had barely gone one single night without dreaming at least once about him or imagining he could still feel him holding him. As the months had gone by and he'd slowly started piecing himself together again, the dreams had lessened in frequency until they had petered out to only appearing once every couple of months.
Since meeting Gaara he hadn't had a dream about Sasuke, which had a small part of him disappointed, but for the most part he was content with the lack of them. Because him not having them anymore meant he was really healing now, didn't it?
"We're going to stay together forever, right?" he wondered aloud, rolling onto his side so he could look at the other boy.
A dark eyebrow rose up. "Forever, huh? That's a long time," he remarked.
Naruto grinned, sliding a leg between his. "It is. But I think I can handle you. Who else would be able to stand your prissy arse?" He laughed when he was swiftly pushed onto his back, his boyfriend rolling on top of him with a growl.
"My prissy arse? Shouldn't you ask the question who would be able to deal with your idiocy?" he shot back and captured the blond's mouth in a fierce kiss before he could even come up with a retort.
Naruto would let him have the last word this time. Next time, though …
Blue eyes shot open and the owner of them sat up in bed, rubbing his hands briskly over his face. "Damn," he muttered, staring down at his rumpled blanket.
It had been a long time since he'd last had such a vivid dream about Sasuke; too vivid even, because it was more a memory than a dream. He could recall that particular day all too well, because they'd been celebrating their first anniversary and at that moment he'd already been sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life together with Sasuke. He hadn't thought about that day in such a long time …
"Must have been because of the ring," he muttered, plopping back down. Seeing that box again earlier tonight must have rankled up a memory or so.
A quick glance at his phone reassured him he still had three hours before he officially had to get up and he yawned, finding a comfortable spot again.
He didn't dream of Sasuke again that night.
"Forever."
Naruto turned away from the television and glanced at Gaara, confused. "Sorry, what did you say?"
Gaara stirred next to him. "Hm?"
"Did you say something just now?" Naruto clarified, pulling his legs up on the couch so he could settle more comfortably against Gaara.
Green eyes blinked. "No, I didn't. I was watching the show."
"Huh. Must have imagined it then," Naruto muttered and pressed a hand against his ear for a moment before turning his attention back to the show.
Maybe he should go to sleep earlier tonight if he was starting to hear things. Those late nights were clearly taking a toll on him now.
In his sleepy haze he was aware of arms tightening carefully around him and he smiled, pressing his back against the other one's firm chest. A hand drifted up and down across his chest; a light barely there touch that made him sigh contented.
"You decided to stay later after all?" he questioned sleepily and turned around to kiss Gaara.
There was nobody next to him.
He fell out of the bed in his haste to get out and he scrambled up, heart beating madly. He stared at the side of the bed where he'd been expecting to see Gaara. The man had agreed to stay the night, but had warned him he would have to get up early for his work. They hadn't done anything close to sexual, but it had been nice to fall asleep with someone again after years of being lonely.
But Gaara wasn't here anymore. Because he'd left early. Then whose …
He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself. Had he been imagining that touch? But they had felt so real … Just as real as Sasuke's arms had felt during that time he'd been imagining the other man with him.
Disappointment welled up inside of him. No, was he back to imagining Sasuke again? Why was his brain screwing with him like that again? He hadn't dreamt those arms in such a long time – why start again now? He'd been doing so well these past six months too!
"I fucking hate my brain," he muttered darkly and snatched his clothes from the chair. He was up now; might as well take a shower and get ready for the day.
He threw one last dark look at the bed before disappearing into the bathroom.
"You're mine."
"I am? I feel like Itachi wouldn't be happy with that," Naruto muttered, writing down his last remark on the test.
"Itachi wouldn't be happy with what, un?"
To his surprise Deidara entered the room just now, carrying two mugs of steaming coffee. "You almost done with the tests, Naruto-kun?"
"Yeah, I am, but weren't you just now in the room?" Naruto asked unnerved, leaning back in his chair.
Deidara furrowed his eyebrows and held up the mugs. "No, I wasn't. I was raiding your cupboards for something warm to drink. Why?"
"Erm, nothing. Just thought I'd heard you say something," Naruto muttered, but even the liquidly warmth of the coffee couldn't chase away the unease settling in him.
He could have sworn he'd heard Deidara say something. Those words had sounded way too clear to just be part of his imagination. However, his friend looked too confused to be playing a prank on him, so …
Was he starting to lose his mind?
Things only grew weirder after that.
When he was alone in his house, no friends or Gaara visiting him, he sometimes could swear he saw shadows flitting about in the corner of his eye. Whenever he turned to look, though, there was nothing.
Then there were the mysterious scents. They were fleeting, gone too fast to really pay attention to them, but they were hard to ignore. He would smell roses when it was still winter and far from the season for them to grow outside. He would enter his bedroom and a spicy scent would assault him, vaguely reminiscent of the cologne Sasuke used to wear. It made him check the lone bottle he'd saved every time, wondering if it had started leaking somehow.
The bottle was as intact as the day he'd brought it with him.
He tried to ignore the scents and the weird shadows, told himself firmly they were just his imagination and avoided watching any horror films just to prevent his brain from becoming too active.
It became a lot harder to convince himself that his brain was just playing tricks on him, when he kept hearing things.
They were never full sentences, just snatches like he caught part of a conversation but what he heard unnerved him to the point he kept the radio on or played videos on his laptop just to stop hearing them.
"Forever mine."
"I want you."
"I miss you."
"I love you."
Hearing that last part especially fucked him up because the voice sounded too much like Sasuke's, all smooth and low and husky.
Had he finally started losing his mind? Was he still missing Sasuke that much that he was imagining smelling and hearing him? How fucked up was that? It had been more than three years by now – wasn't he supposed to be over him?
He didn't dare to tell either Gaara or his friends about it. He didn't want to see their pity, was too afraid of how they would react if they heard he was hearing and smelling things that weren't there.
Because it was all in his head. He knew that. He wasn't stupid, wasn't that far gone that he didn't realise that.
But realising it didn't help him not imagining it.
"I promise I won't ever leave you," he whispered, catching his mouth in a deep kiss at the same time he pushed inside of him, swallowing his gasp.
Arms slipped around his back and he was pulled up as the other man knelt on the bed; his arm muscles tensing visibly. Naruto groaned when that move had his lover pressing deeper inside of him, filling him completely. He wrapped his arms and legs around him, moans slipping from between his lips when he started to move, brushing against his sweet spot every second thrust.
Hands rested on either side of his hips, gripping him tightly, helping him move up and down, while they shared kisses and nips; their soft moans and strangled whimpers filling the silence in the room.
"We'll be together forever," he promised, tightening his hands; his chest heaving up and down and his dark eyes wild. "I love you." The words were whispered against his damp cheek before lips brushed a tender kiss against him.
"I love you too," he gasped, throwing his head back when the pleasure reached its peak and he spilt between them with a low whimper, kissing him over and over again.
The promise he made lingering long after they'd fallen asleep.
Naruto awoke with a gasp, feeling uncomfortably sticky for some reason. Shifting his legs, he grimaced at the tacky sensation and he lifted the sheet up to inspect.
"Seriously?" he whispered through clenched teeth, frustration chasing away the last vestiges of the dream.
He hadn't made a mess of himself because of a dream in years. But one dream about Sasuke and he –
He shut down that train of thought roughly, already feeling guilty that he'd been dreaming of another man when he was with Gaara now. Why couldn't he have just dreamt of his boyfriend instead? That would make this sticky situation at least a bit less uncomfortable.
He threw the sheet away and awkwardly slipped out of the bed, thanking his lucky stars that Gaara hadn't decided to stay the night for once. That would have made this whole situation even more humiliating than it already was.
In the dark he shuffled towards the bathroom, deciding to take a quick shower first before getting a fresh set of pyjamas. Somewhere in the distance a couple of dogs barked and a car passed his house, its engine loud enough to make the whole house tremble it seemed.
He had to squint when he flipped on the light in the bathroom, cursing its brightness before grabbing a towel and his soap and letting the bathtub fill with water. He placed those on the sink and set about removing his pyjamas and his underwear, wrinkling his nose. Eugh, so nasty.
He grabbed the soap, leaving the towel on the sink for the moment, and turned to the bath, checking himself in the mirror out of habit.
He did a double take and froze.
With trembling hands, he slowly reached down and rested them on either side of his hips.
Covering the dark finger shaped marks there; his fingers spread wide but thinner than the bruises. As if someone had grabbed him firmly by his hips.
Just like in his dream.
He broke down and went to see his doctor after he woke up one morning after yet another dream about Sasuke, only to discover he was wearing his ring.
After that day at the apartment, he'd never worn the ring again. Yet there it had been, adorning his finger, glittering in the weak morning light.
He couldn't remember getting up and putting the ring on. Couldn't even think why he would want to wear the ring when he hadn't in four years.
That was when he had enough. Enough of the whispers, enough of the scents, enough of the shadows dancing around his house. Enough of the phantom arms holding him. Enough of the dreams which left him sick with longing.
He went out and got a prescription for sleeping pills and pills which would help him calm down. If using pills would help him get some rest again and stop imagining all that stuff, then so be it. He was done worrying that he was losing his mind. Done waving off concerned questions from his boyfriend and friends, all of them worrying about how pale and withdrawn he'd become.
Just in case, he had someone coming over to cleanse his house too. He was pretty certain all that shit was just his mind being fucked up, but he would use every means necessary to finally get some peace of mind again.
He loved Sasuke, but he wouldn't let that love destroy his mind. He had made the decision to move on with his life.
He wouldn't be caught in the past. Not anymore.
Perhaps it was the medicine. Maybe the cleansing hadn't been complete bullshit after all.
It didn't matter which one it was.
All was finally quiet in his house again.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Gaara said, shrugging on his jacket.
Naruto smiled, drawing him close to kiss him. "You're sure you don't want to spend the night?" he asked, biting down on his lower lip. "I can think of some things we could do …" he trailed off suggestively.
"It's a very enticing offer," Gaara murmured, his eyes darkening a tad. "But if I stay the night, I won't want to leave and Temari will cut off my balls if I'm too late."
"We can't have that happening," Naruto agreed with a smirk. "Rain check?"
"Definitely a rain check," Gaara promised and they shared another kiss before Gaara reluctantly pulled away and stepped into his car.
Naruto waved him out, humming softly to himself, before he went back inside, the first raindrops hitting the pavement. He pondered for a bit, debating whether he should play a game, but then decided he would treat himself after a long week at work to a relaxing bath. Probably not the most manly thing to choose to relax, but whatever. He'd never cared about stuff like that.
He squeezed some lavender in his bath, having read somewhere that the scent was supposed to be relaxing, and while he waited for the tub to be filled, he swallowed a sedative pill, noting the strip was almost empty. He didn't think he would get another prescription for them. They helped for sure, but he wasn't about to become dependent on them.
He snorted quietly. Wouldn't that be something? Going from fearing he'd lose his mind to becoming addicted to pills. No, that wasn't going to be him.
A sigh escaped him when he sank down in the pleasantly warm water; the warmth of it feeling soothing against his tense muscles. Resting his arms on the edge of the tub, he leant back, watching through half lidded eyes how the steam rose up gently before fading away.
Curling and uncurling his toes, he mused that he should do this more often. People really underestimated the power of a relaxing bath; why hadn't he thought of just enjoying the water like this before?
Something pushed him down, forcing him underneath the water. Panicking, he lashed out, struggling to break through the water, fighting against whatever was trying to drown him.
He was going to drown.
He started struggling harder, kicking out with his legs, and he gasped and coughed violently when he abruptly broke through the surface of the water. Wildly he looked around, heart thundering madly, but saw nothing and how was that possible, that couldn't be, something had tried to drown him just now, what the fuck –
A pair of cold lips kissed him lovingly.
Then he was pushed down in the water once more.
His mouth opened in a soundless scream, water bubbling, and his eyes shot open, swivelling wildly towards the surface.
As darkness crept to the edges of his consciousness, he could only stare in disbelief at the being above him, holding him down.
His limbs becoming heavy, his head growing lightheaded, he choked out, bubbles streaming out, "Sasuke?"
It smiled down lovingly at him, its hands caressing him tenderly.
That was the last thing Naruto saw before everything turned dark.
They found him the next day, blue eyes empty and staring up at the ceiling. They were too late to help.
Suicide, the police informed his friends sombrely. An overdose of medication. Perhaps his grief had been bigger than they had all suspected.
He'd been wearing his engagement ring.
They buried him next to Sasuke, because that was what he – they both – would have wanted. His friends comforted themselves with the thought that at last their friend was at peace, reunited with his true love.
They were finally together again.
"Promise me we'll be together forever?"
"I promise. I'll be with you forever." A soft kiss.
"Not even death will separate us."
The End
AN2: As promised here are the warnings: Naruto's pov; AU; established relationship; main character deaths; shitload of angst; suicidal thoughts; time skips; implied mature content; dark fic; drowning; mourning; ghost
Perhaps one of the heaviest fics I've written so far, but it wouldn't leave me alone until I'd written it.
Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.
I hope to see you all back in my future stories!
Cuddles
Melissa
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Until Death Do Us Part