The Heart Of The Matter | By : Daydreamer79 Category: Naruto > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 2536 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto nor make money from it |
Part One
"Mr. Uchiha, the tests are conclusive. There is nothing more we can do for him. I think it's time to let your brother go."
Itachi Uchiha did not look up from where his brother lay starkly pale against the white sheets. The beeps and whooshes from the machines keeping his chest moving. He didn't want to hear what he knew the doctor was telling him. Being the intelligent man that he was, he knew even as he held his brother's hand cradled in his palm that Sasuke was no longer there. The body kept alive by the machines was just a shell.
It was just...he didn't want to let go. He couldn't.
"Itachi." A warm hand cupped his cheek and turned his face. "You need to listen."
"I can't," he whispered only loud enough for his longtime lover, Kisame to hear. "I can't let him go."
"Even if all that is left is a shell?"
"You don't understand. He's warm. I can feel his heart when I put my hand on his chest." It was the grief talking. In some ways, Itachi was detached from his emotions to such a degree that he could objectively analyze what he was feeling.
"I understand." Kisame pulled Itachi into his arms. "I'm hurting just as much as you. I love Sasuke just as much as you."
"What if he is just in a coma? I've heard of people waking from them years later."
The doctor, a middle aged woman with pale blond hair and a hard, but kind look on her face moved closer to the two. "Mr. Uchiha, the tests are conclusive. There is no brain activity save for some residual brain stem life which is keeping his heart beating. Without the respirator, he would not survive. What made Sasuke, Sasuke, is no longer there."
Itachi shook his head and pressed his face into Kisame's chest. He could not do it. He could not throw Sasuke away. To hell with showing weakness in the presence of a stranger. It hurt too much to keep up a facade.
"I know this is hard, but I wanted to know if you had ever considered organ donation. I can have our donation coordinator come and talk to you. Sasuke's organs could save the lives of up to four people."
"No! Stop talking about him as if he is already dead." Itachi pushed away from Kisame and stood. His normally cool exterior broke and he moved past her with shove. A glare sent to Kisame had him pausing in the process of following. "I need to be alone."
"Itachi—"
"Please, Kisame...I need to be alone."
Itachi did not wait for Kisame's response. He knew his lover. They had been together for nearly ten years. Understanding of each other did not even begin to describe their connection and the connection they shared with Sasuke. Society might look down on them because of what the three shared, but Itachi knew it was real. He would die before he would ever give up either of them.
That he found himself seated on bench in one of the long white halls full of its sterile smells and barely covered hints of illness gave him pause. He was not sure when he had taken a seat or even really any idea where he was. He had wondered the identical halls, not knowing where he was going or even what he was looking for. His mind spun wildly and his hands quivered. He barely registered when a warm body took a seat beside him.
"You don't look so good. Should I get a nurse for you?"
Itachi turned to see a sickly pale man seated beside him. His skin was thin like rice paper and beneath his eyes was circles so dark, he looked to have been in a fight. Even his lips were devoid of color. Still, even with his obvious illness, his stunningly blue eyes held a sparkle. There was such life in those eyes that he felt blessed to have a chance to look in them.
"I could say the same for you."
The man grinned and leaned back against the wall. "I'm not planning on dying any time soon, or at least I hope I have a little more time left in my clock."
"You won't have a choice." Itachi looked down at his shaking hands. "In the end, no one has a choice, not really."
"That's a depressing way to look at it. I prefer to think of life as infinitely possible. We just have to have the will to keep going."
Itachi snorted. "Rather idealistic for someone who looks to have one foot in the grave already, isn't it?"
"That's not very nice. I was just trying to help."
"No one can help," whispered Itachi. His heart gave another clench and tears burned at his eyes. "I just want to be alone."
"Hey, what's wrong? You can tell me. I'm the best secret keeper. Anything I hear, I'll take it to the grave...no pun intended." He laughed, a raspy sound that had Itachi grimacing. The man really did look to have one foot in the grave, literally.
"Why do you care?"
"Because everyone needs someone to listen to them when they reach the bottom, and you my friend, look to be at the bottom of the bottom. You probably even dug a little bit further just for the hell of it."
Itachi smiled weakly. He was being forced to decide to end his brother's life. Yes, he was at the bottom.
"My name is Naruto, by the way. I'm an artist by trade, though being sick certainly puts a cramp in that." Naruto extended his hand to Itachi.
For a long moment, Itachi stared at the ink stained fingers before accepting the hand. "Itachi."
"So, what happened?"
"My brother...died." It was the first time he admitted out loud what he already knew in his heart. It hurt and his eyes burned even more harshly as he spoke the words before they could stick in his throat. God, it hurt. When there was that small glimmer of hope, things had not seemed quite so bad. Now, he could barely think without hurting. First their parents and now Sasuke.
Compassion spread across Naruto's face and his hand reached out to clasp on Itachi's shoulder. "I'm not a grief counselor, but I do know a thing or two about death. I think it's time to show you something. It might help, it might not, but I think you should come with me all the same. It might put some things in perspective for you."
Itachi clenched his fist. "I believe I've had enough about perspective. My brother...Sasuke...he..."
"Calm down." Naruto left his hand on Itachi's shoulder, his fingers clenching in a show of comfort. "You'll like this perspective."
Itachi cocked his head. Truthfully, he wanted to be left alone. He wanted to grieve for his brother. He wanted to die along with Sasuke.
Naruto grinned. "Well Itachi, would you like to see something amazing?"
Curiosity, however, was always a trait he was never able to truly tamp down. And the sparkle in Naruto's eye drew him like a moth to the flame. Something about Naruto was very comforting. Before he realized it, he was nodding his head. "Very well."
"Cool." Naruto stood slowly, waving off Itachi's offer to help. "It's fine. I don't like taking help unless I have to. I'm not one to curl up and die. I fight for every breath I take. It may take me a bit longer to get from point A to point B, but I'll get there."
Naruto navigated the halls as if he lived in the place. Nurses, doctors, and orderlies all spoke or acknowledged him. Itachi couldn't help but notice the sadness in the eyes of many once they were out of Naruto's line of vision. It bothered Itachi, more than he cared to admit. They knew something he did not and it was obviously not a good thing.
"This is my favorite place in this entire place." Naruto slowed his steps and moved before a large glass window. Itachi instantly realized they were at the hospital nursery.
Naruto pressed a hand to the glass and smiled happily. "Most of these little guys were born in the last day or two. They've got their entire lives before them."
Itachi stared at the bundled babies, color coded in blankets of either blue or pink. A few squirmed where they lay, but most dozed peacefully under the careful watch of the nurse. He glanced to see Naruto had moved down to a much smaller window and followed.
"This is the part that is truly amazing." He pointed through the window. "That's the NICU. It's where the sick babies are taken."
"Why is that amazing?" asked Itachi as he gazed over Naruto's shoulder into the room. The walls were just as decorated as the standard nursery with cartoon images and cheerful colors, but there was no missing the large monitors and equipment inside.
"You see these little guys; they have to fight for their lives from the moment they are born. They don't have their lives given to them automatically at birth like the others. If these babies want to live, they have to prove it to the world. And they do it. Sometimes they don't make it, but a lot of times they do. They prove that life is worth living. They have only been in this world a short time and already they know what a great place this world is, even with all the bad things in it. Amazing, isn't it?"
Itachi nodded. "Yeah, pretty amazing, but what does it have to do with me?"
Naruto smiled and leaned heavily against the wall. "Life is full of pain, but it's the pain that makes the good parts even better."
"I don't think Sasuke's death could ever bring about anything good."
"Really?" Naruto cocked his head. "I could explain it to you, but I think it will mean more if you figure it out for yourself. I'm not saying death is painless, but you shouldn't lose yourself in your grief. It doesn't help anyone."
Itachi opened his mouth to respond when he was interrupted by an annoyed voice. "There you are, Naruto."
Naruto and Itachi turned to see a young nurse with bubblegum pink hair that had to go against the dress code for the hospital pushing a wheelchair. "Damn, it's the warden."
"I heard that." She stopped the chair and pointed to the vacant seat. "You know you're not supposed to be out of bed and yet I hear from a fellow nurse that you are out strolling the halls as if you have not a care in the world."
"It's boring in the room alone." Naruto pouted and Itachi smiled. He looked like a little boy trying to get out of doing his chores. "And I don't have a care in the world, not anymore."
"You're really sick, Naruto. You could worsen your case."
"I'm dying, Sakura. Me staying in bed might extend my life a few hours but what a boring ass couple of hours it would be. The ending is still the same. Let me enjoy my last few days on this earth."
Itachi stiffened and stared at the man, taking in his pallor and how he had begun to lean even more heavily on his IV pole. "Maybe she's right. You should go lie down for a while."
"Taking Princess Bubblegum's side, how could you betray me, Itachi." Naruto sighed dramatically, but did not fight when Sakura pressed him into the chair. She fastened the IV pole to the chair before looking at Itachi.
"You shouldn't encourage him to get out of bed," she admonished.
"I..."
"Leave Itachi alone. We just met." Naruto gave Sakura's arm a playful tap. "I think I'm ready for my nap now."
Itachi watched as Sakura's attention was diverted back to Naruto. "Okay, Naruto."
Naruto's bright blue eyes lifted to meet Itachi's. "Saying goodbye is always the hard part, so I think I'll pass in saying it to you. I think I'll keep our meeting as one of my greatest regrets."
"What do you mean?"
"Just the ramblings of a dying man. Don't worry, Itachi. I'm still glad we met. I'll consider it a last great hurrah. Anyway, forgive yourself. It doesn't take a mind reader to see the guilt on your face. Maybe you should do that before anything else."
Itachi started and stared at the disappearing chair. The words really sunk in and tears began to trickle down his face. He wasn't sure how long he stood there crying until large arms wrapped around him. "There you are."
"Kisame," murmured Itachi.
"I know it's hard. I want to scream and punch someone. I'm so angry at the world for taking him from us that I can barely think straight. The only thing keeping me sane is knowing that you will be there with me through all of it."
Itachi leaned heavily on Kisame and continued to cry. He had already made his decision. Naruto was right. His guilt was eating away at him and keeping him from thinking rationally. It would not go away so easily, but at least he could do one last thing for his brother.
When the tears dried, he lifted his head to stare at Kisame. "Let's go talk to his doctor."
oOo
"I'll explain how it would work. You would say your goodbyes to him in the room. Then, we would take him to the operating room. He will be taken off of life support until his heart stops, after which I would declare a time of death. That is when the procurement teams would come in to harvest his organs."
"Harvest?" Itachi practically spat the word and watched as both Kisame and Dr. Tsunade Senju winced. "Is that all my brother's life is to you people? Is he just something to be harvested and then tossed away when you have no further use of him?"
Dr. Senju pulled a chair from across the room and settled beside Itachi and Kisame. "Don't ever think that. Your brother is precious. He's precious because he will save the life of someone, probably several someones. He will be treated with respect because he deserves it. If I see even one person in that operating room say a single word about him or crack one joke, or treat him as anything less than a hero, I will personally see that they never work again."
Itachi stared at the woman. He believed her and knew well her reputation. She was not bluffing, nor did she seem the sort to resort to that.
"And the recipients?"
"It's kept confidential unless both parties wish to meet. In most cases, a meeting can be arranged after the recipient has recovered from surgery."
Itachi turned his gaze back to the paper. Dr. Senju had explained it in detail, rather than bring in an transplant coordinator and he was glad. He did not trust easily, but he trusted Dr. Senju.
He understood the majority of the contract and the parts he did not understand upon the first reading, he questioned. Now it was only a matter of penning his name and saying goodbye. His gaze shot to where Sasuke lay, almost as if sleeping. It was hard to believe he was gone just by looking at him.
"Itachi?"
He felt the touch of a hand on his shoulder and shuddered faintly under the weight of the task before him. "I don't know if I can say goodbye, Kisame."
Kisame pulled Itachi against his chest and whispered quietly. "Is this life? Would he want this?"
"No."
"Then, I think it's time to let him go."
Itachi shuddered and turned to face Dr. Senju. "Don't touch his eyes. Call it an old family superstition."
Dr. Senju nodded and made a note on the document and the chart. "You have my word."
Taking a deep breath, his hand shook slightly as he signed the paper and handed it to the doctor. "How long?"
"Once I put the information in to UNOS, it will be an hour or so. No one will take him until you are ready. This is a gift and regardless of how needy the people are, you don't have to do it." Dr. Senju stood and nodded to Kisame before walking from the room and leaving them alone.
Both heard the faint words spoken to a nurse outside, threatening employment termination if anyone entered that room before she gave the word. It soothed a small part of his tattered heart knowing that Dr. Senju was looking out for him.
He felt Kisame move from his side and lifted his gaze to where his longtime lover had taken a seat on the edge of the bed. Kisame didn't cry, but that did not mean he did not mourn. Large fingers traced down Sasuke's cheeks and then over to rest on his chest above his heart.
It had been Kisame who resisted Sasuke joining them in their bed. He had not realized how close Itachi and Sasuke were until he stumbled upon them one day. That day nearly caused Kisame to leave him. It had taken a while for him to understand and even longer for him to join them. It was almost as if he was humoring Itachi and Sasuke's relationship, but never joining in on it. That eventually changed over time until Itachi was sure he loved Sasuke as much as him.
"I'm sorry, spikey."
Itachi's heart clenched upon hearing Kisame's pet name for Sasuke. This was so much harder. They should not be here. Their Sasuke should not be leaving them with a hole in place where he once resided. They had an hour and that did not seem nearly long enough. The three of them should have had a lifetime together.
oOo
"How are you feeling, Naruto?"
Naruto's eyes slid open and he attempted to grin, failing miserably. He was so tired. "Hey, granny."
"You're not looking so hot, kiddo."
Naruto sighed and shrugged one shoulder weakly. "I think it's over for me. I don't have much left in me."
"Stop saying that, you little brat. I've never known you to give up and you've been in this hospital more often than out for the last ten years. So stop with the goodbye speech. We've found a donor for you."
"I'm getting a heart?" Naruto blinked up at her in surprise. He had never thought in his wildest dreams that he would get the call that a heart was ready for him, especially not this late in the game.
"Yeah, you stupid boy. So hang on for a few more hours. You can do that. I've never met a more tenacious person in my life."
Naruto relaxed back against the bed with a smile on his lips even if there was a new ache in his chest. It was not lost on him that someone had to die for him to continue living. The only comfort he gleaned was that it was an accident. When he had talked to other people on the list, he had never understood how they could speak so callously about receiving organs. The organs they were given were gifts they were given and should be treasured as such. When they received an organ, they were receiving the gift of life.
As he stared blindly at some rerun of a comedy sitcom, he wondered what it would be like after having a new heart. Would he be able to do the things he missed, like running and playing baseball? His hand felt as if it was working through Jell-O as he reached for his sketch pad and pencil.
His hand shook slightly and the rendition coming to life was most definitely not his best work; however, he thought that if he had a heart, he would like to meet that man, Itachi, again. The sketch came to life and showed every aspect of pain etched into his face. If he survived the surgery, he wanted a chance to draw Itachi without the sadness displayed so blatantly across his features. Yeah. That would be his first sketch with his new heart.
Heaving a deep sigh, he closed his eyes to rest for a moment, but the pull of exhaustion was too great. His hand went limp and the pencil fell from his fingers as he slipped into unconsciousness from the weary exhaustion working through his body.
oOo
Itachi glanced up from where he sat in Kisame's lap, both cradling Sasuke's hand between their linked hands. Dr. Senju stood calmly in the door. True to her word, no one had disturbed them during their final time with Sasuke. He did not speak as he sat waiting for the final ball to drop.
"We're ready for him. It's time."
He closed his eyes and lowered his head. His body was shaking and if not for Kisame's strong arms, he was certain he would collapse. "I have a favor to ask, Dr. Senju."
"If it's in my power, I'll do what I can."
"When you stop the machines, I would like if you could hold his hand. I don't want him to feel alone when he dies." Itachi knew it sounded stupid. According to the woman, Sasuke was already dead. He did not care if it was bizarre request. It was something he wanted done and he trusted her to do it.
"It would be my honor to hold his hand as he passes."
Itachi nodded and struggled to his feet, using Kisame's strength to keep standing and having long since shed the mask of indifference he wore when in the presence of strangers. At least he was no longer crying. That was something, even if he felt dead on the inside.
He watched mutely as two nurses in scrubs walked in, unlocked the bed, and began pushing Sasuke from the room. For a moment his heart dropped to his stomach and he fought against the urge to run after them and bring his brother back. Kisame's arms tightened around his waist and forced him back against his large chest. A small choking sound escaped him as he collapsed against Kisame. God...this was so hard. It was so hard to say goodbye.
oOo
She turned to leave them alone to grieve while she made her way to the operating room. As his attending physician, she would have the call of TOD before the procurement teams for the various organs went in to do their job. She would, of course, be watching them closely from the sidelines. There were those arrogant SOBs who treated the donor like a piece of meat and she was having none of that. She had been serious when she told Itachi that she would not allow anyone to demean the gift. Naruto was already being prepped for surgery in the adjoining room.
She smiled sadly as she took the unresponsive hand of the young man laid out on the table. When she gave the word, the machines would be shut down and they would watch as his heart slowed and then stopped. This was the part she hated. When she had gone to medical school, it had been to save lives, not watch them die.
"Dr. Senju?"
Tsunade sighed. "Shut it off."
oOo
"Would you like to pick out a headstone?"
He glanced at the magazine that was pressed in his hand and mutely traced his eyes over the images. They ranged from very simple and cheap to complex and expensive. He had no idea what to pick. This was not something he had ever planned to do, at least not until both were very old.
"Your brother was young. Did he have any interests? Sometimes family members like to put images of favorite things such as animals or the like. Almost anything can be carved into a stone. With some of the darker marble, even pictures can be engraved.
Itachi reached into his pocket and extracted a business card. He handed it to the funeral director. "That is our family crest. I would like that somewhere on the stone."
"Have you chosen a stone?"
Itachi glanced back to the book, finally settling on a black marble stone with lovely carvings and twin urns on each side of the stone. It was ornate without being garish. It suited Sasuke's personality, even if the stones were more for the sake of the mourners than for those in the ground.
"This one."
"Very nice. This symbol will look good in the center."
Itachi nodded, barely able to continue. He answered appropriately when questioned. On the outside he was completely composed, but inside, he was a mess. His mind strayed from topic and thought back over the entirety of Sasuke's life. Everything from the day he was brought home from the hospital to the day he pecked Itachi on the cheek before jogging out the door on an impromptu trip to the store played out in his mind in graphic detail.
"I think that is everything. I'll have your brother ready to be viewed some time tomorrow. If you could, please drop the suit you wish him to be buried in sometime today if at all possible."
Tired of listening to the man with his quiet voice, Itachi merely nodded and stood. He turned on his heels and strode firmly from the room and into the lobby. A strange, almost antiseptic smell filled his nostrils and he almost gagged. The place even smelled like death.
He felt more than heard Kisame come up behind him and place a hand at the small of his back. "You want to go get some lunch?"
Itachi shook his head. He hadn't been hungry since before Sasuke had officially died. The thought of eating caused his stomach to clench and roll. "I'm not hungry."
"Itachi, you need to eat." Kisame's deep voice brokered no refusal. In the end, he had no strength to fight him on the matter.
With a sigh, he shrugged his shoulders and brushed past Kisame. He wasn't hungry, but maybe a few bites of a meal would get Kisame off of him. If anything, Kisame had barely let him out of his sight. Perhaps it was his way of coping. After losing Sasuke, each other was all either of them had.
As they sat at a small table in a quiet restaurant, Itachi pushed his food around on his plate and put all his effort into appearing normal. Even Kisame seemed less hungry than was normal.
"Do you think the organ transplants were successful?"
Itachi glanced up at Kisame with a frown. He had not given much real thought into the recipients of Sasuke's organs. The knowledge was always there, but not something in the forefront of his mind.
"Sasuke would not allow anything of his to fail."
Kisame hummed in agreement. "I wonder who got the heart. That is the part of him I'll miss the most."
Itachi clenched his fingers around his fork. He would miss everything about Sasuke. His arrogance. His rare smiles. The way he would whimper and pant during sex. There was no single part he could find that he loved more than the others.
"Do you think the person who got his heart would let us meet him? I'd like to know Sasuke's heart is in a good place."
Itachi released a faint sigh. "I'll call Dr. Senju tomorrow and see if she will check into seeing if the person who received his heart would meet with us."
oOo
"Hey, kiddo. How are you feeling?"
Naruto grinned lazily. "I feel better than I have in forever."
Tsunade settled at his bedside. "Is the pain bad? I can talk to your surgeon about it."
"Naw, I'm fine. I'd be more worried if I didn't hurt a little. It just feels strange to feel so good."
"Your color is better." She lifted a hand and stroked it down one cheek. "Your dad would be so proud of you for being strong despite everything."
"I wish he was here, but at least I still have you." Naruto sighed and extended a hand to his sketchbook. "Can I ask a favor?"
"What is it?"
"Can you tell me about the person who gave me my heart?"
Tsunade paused before chuckling lightly. "That's one of the reasons I came to see you. The family of the donor has requested a chance to meet you. I told them that I would ask you and set up a meeting."
Naruto smiled happily. "That's good. My new heart wants to see them again."
"Silly. The heart is just a muscle. It doesn't remember anything."
"How do you know?" Naruto pressed a hand lightly over the white bandage covering the center of his chest. "There is a lot that science doesn't know."
"I'm not going to get into another one of your hypothetical discussions. I've got to make rounds, but I'll set something up with the family of the donor."
Naruto nodded and reached for his sketch pad. His chest hurt and getting into a comfortable position for drawing proved difficult when recovering from having one's chest split open. He tugged the bedside table closer to him and began a rough sketch of the man he had not been able to forget. As he stared at the partial drawing, his heart skipped a beat.
For a moment, he was afraid that something was wrong. It took him several seconds to realize it was something more.
"Itachi," he whispered, testing the name on his tongue. He wished he had gotten a last name, but at the time, formalities had seemed rather pointless with him thinking he was days or hours or minutes from dying.
He flipped the page and started sketching fresh. His fingers tingled as he took the sadness surrounding the memory of Itachi and replaced it with happiness. He was not sure how much was reality and how much was wishful thinking, but as he stared at his sketch, he thought he liked this Itachi. With the small smile gently curving his lips and the amused twinkle in his eye, Naruto found this Itachi even more appealing. This was the Itachi that he wanted to know, even if it was only a pipedream.
Closing his book, his eyes fluttered closed once more. He would dream of Itachi and of turning his sad features into happiness once more.
oOo
"Itachi?"
"Just give me a minute." Why was he so scared? It was Kisame who had wanted to meet this person, not him.
"You don't have to go in."
Itachi closed his eyes and exhaled the breath he had not realized he held. "No, I need to."
With that said, he lifted a hand to the door and gave it a slight push. Inside was not what he expected. Rather than the bland room he was used to, this room looked lived in. And on the bed was the man he had met the day Sasuke had officially died. He looked completely different. His hair, eyes, and skin looked as if life had been injected into him.
"You—"
Naruto stared, mouth open but no words escaping. He paused, licked his lips, and tried again. "Itachi."
Kisame, slightly confused at their remarks, moved more fully into the room. "You know each other?"
"Not really," said Itachi. "It is just...Naruto helped give me some perspective."
To be continued...
AN: This was a request from a dear friend, fadedlullabyes, who does so much for other people that I could not turn down a request such as this. That being said, I hope you enjoy. There will be a lot of angst but also some good stuff over the next couple of chapters of this short fic. That being said, strictly speaking and going by blood types from the manga, Naruto could not receive Sasuke's heart because he's B and Sasuke is AB...but, I fudged things so for the sake of this story, the have the same blood type. I never mention the blood type so just assume it is the same. Also, there are probably what some would consider OOC..eh...say what you want, I've learned not to care when it comes to fanfiction. I'm writing this stuff and posting it for you to read out of my own goodness. If I wanted to write in more perfect canon, I would write them in the canon universe.
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