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Tales From A Linen Closet	By : Onileo Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 2472 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto; that honor belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. My fanfiction is for entertainment only and is not intended for financial gain.

Chapter List
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      Hidan could have slapped his idiot partner. No, bitch slapped him. Make that twice. If it weren't for his miserly ways, half the Akatsuki wouldn't be in this mess. But no, he just had to go and change their hotel plans at the last minute because the hot springs resort they were now staying at was having a special discount. To celebrate couples, of all things. That alone was enough to send him into a swearing fit, but on top of that they discovered that a cell of Konoha ninja were also staying the night there.
     And it got worse. Pein had instructed them to keep their presence hidden at all costs. He, Kakuzu, Itachi and Kisame were on an espionage mission in the Land of Waves and had to make sure that the Land of Lightning was blamed for their activities. So they had left their identifying cloaks in their rooms and were using a henge to disguise their looks. But a henge used chakra, and with enemy ninja lurking in the same building, using chakra became a major problem. He so very much wanted to bang his head on something hard and immovable right now. Preferably until the blood started pouring.
     It was Itachi that came up with the plan that they would use for the night. Duck and cover.
     A stupid plan, Hidan decided, when it would be much easier to kill them all and be done with it. But that would ruin the whole laying low thing. And there was no way in hell that they were going to stay in their rooms for the rest of the day and all night. He would have no doubt that by morning he would have killed Kakuzu for his stupidity and found a way to end his own immortality as well.
     After a little discussion it was agreed that Itachi would stay in his room, and the other three would head to the bar, Hidan and Kisame to get smashed and pray for morning, and Kakuzu to keep an eye on them and make sure they didn't screw up or spend all of their traveling money. The trip there went without a hitch, and they found a booth in a back corner where they could easily keep themselves hidden in the shadows.
     About midway through their third drink low whistles and stares diverted their attention to the door. Making their way into the bar were four women. Kunoichi to be exact. Kunoichi from Konoha. Hidan bit his tongue to keep from swearing aloud. It figures they'd have the rotten luck of winding up in the same room together. Scooting deeper into the shadows and making sure his chakra was perfectly masked, he studied the women seating themselves on barstools and ordering drinks.
     They were all pretty in their own unique way. The one that stood out the most was a fierce looking girl with short, light pink hair. When she turned her head, Hidan could see that she had brilliant green eyes. Sitting on her right was a skinny blonde with waist length hair and bangs swept off to one side. Hidan grinned and almost laughed. She could easily pass for Deidara's sister.
     On the pink haired girl's other side was an even shorter girl with long, raven colored hair. Her eyes were a pale lavender and she wore a light blush almost constantly. She looked quite uncomfortable with her friends, and kept fidgeting and pulling her lavender jacket closer around her. He inwardly snorted. Wearing a jacket in such a warm room, it was no wonder she was flushed. On her left was a mousy looking girl with big brown eyes and her brown hair pulled up into buns on either side of her head. She had a calculating expression on her face, even though from what he could catch of their conversation, it was just idle chatter.
     Hidan waved down the waitress and ordered another round of drinks, much to Kakuzu's displeasure. He watched the girls laughing and having a good time. After just one drink, the brown hair girl made her excuses and left. The raven haired girl started to go with her, but was pulled back into her seat by the pink haired kunoichi.

     Itachi walked solemnly down the brightly lit hallway. He would have gladly stayed in his room for the entire evening, but the headache his companions gave him was driving him to distraction. It was keeping him from sleep, and reading made it worse. So in an attempt to ease it enough to be bearable, he decided a soak in the hot springs was in order. The moist heat was sure to help at least a little.
     He kept a sharp eye out for energy signatures as he passed between rows of closed doors. It would be bothersome to run into the Konoha ninja when his head was pounding. A familiar chakra source suddenly flared up around the corner. It was Hatake Kakashi, the Copy Ninja. He was walking toward Itachi swiftly with a civilian woman. Glancing around for a place to hide that didn't involve using chakra, he spied a large closet at the apex of the hallway.
     Using all the stealth he could muster, Itachi entered the closet and silently shut the door. Crouching down, he peered through the wooden slats. He watched tensely as they rounded the corner and stopped mere inches from his face. Kakashi had a bit of lint on the knee of his pants.
     "But Aka-koi!" Kakashi whined. "How can you be mad at me? I barely knew the woman and it was years ago!"
     The woman smiled sweetly at him. "You're still not getting your book back until you've done some serious making up." she said, waving the article in question in front of his face. She continued on down the hallway, Kakashi trailing after her, trying to placate her the whole way.
     Itachi released a sigh of relief once they were gone. He was about to exit the closet and continue to the baths when another chakra signature headed his way. It stopped right in front of the door and turned his way. Scooting as far back into the closet as he could, he willed himself to melt into the shadows. Thankfully, the closet was quite large and when the door opened, he remained completely hidden.
     When the light flooded in, it revealed a woman silhouetted against the hallway. She was wearing a robe and her hair was up in buns on either side of her head. She glanced around the interior before putting her hands on her hips.
     "Here it is." Itachi could hear her muttering. "You'd think they'd keep more towels by the springs. And there isn't even a damn light in the closet." Shaking her head, she grabbed two towels from the nearest shelf and closed the door. She took two steps down the hallway and stopped, turning to look at the closet door. "And why anyone would want to hide in a freaking closet is beyond me." she said loudly and continued toward her destination.
     Itachi dropped his head in his hands. She had known he was there the whole time. Either she thought he was a civilian or was unable to engage in combat as well. Otherwise, she would have surely attacked him. His Uchiha pride wounded at being so obviously caught, he vowed to return to his room and not come out again until morning, even if his head split open. And no one else would hear about this little incident. Ever.

     Hidan was getting rather bored. And drunk. He wasn't completely out of it yet, but he had a hard buzz and the urge to go slaughter something in the name of Jashin. Watching the kunoichi across the room had pacified him for a little while, but now he was ready to go do something else. From the looks of things, they were just about done themselves. The raven haired girl was sipping her second drink quietly, but the other two were very drunk and laughing up a storm.
     "I'm fuckin' outta here." he said to Kakuzu and Kisame.
     They nodded and he stood, making his way across the room and out the door without attracting any attention to himself. He was halfway down the hallway when he stopped. Where was he going again? Oh yeah, his room. Continuing onward, he had nearly rounded the corner when he felt a chakra signal on the other side. Every swear word he could think of raging in his head, he went for the nearest door and hopped inside. It was a closet, of course.
     "What if I rub your back?" Kakashi asked hopefully as they walked along the hall once more.
     "No." the woman said firmly.
     "Your feet?"
     "No."
     Kakashi sighed. "I'll clean your room."
     She favored him with a bright smile. "Now you're talking! Let's go." she said taking his arm and practically dragging him down the hallway.
     From his vantage point in the closet, Hidan rolled his eyes and groaned. "What a pussy." he muttered to himself.

     "Girls, I'm going to get some fresh air." Sakura said, swaying a little as she stood up from the barstool.
     "Umm...Sakura-chan. I don't think it's a good idea to-to go off alone." Hinata said. It was obvious her friend was more than a little drunk and there was no telling who might try to take advantage of that fact.
     "Don't worry, I'll be fine. Just stay here with Ino and help her back to her room in a few minutes." she said, making sure she didn't slur any of her words.
    "I-if you're sure." Hinata said uncertainly.
     Sakura gave her a confident smile. "I'm sure."
     "Later, Forehead!" Ino called to her loudly with a wave, even though she was still sitting right beside her.
     Once in the hallway, Sakura breathed a sigh of relief. If Hinata really knew how drunk she was, she would never have let her go. She stumbled a little as she walked forward, and frowned. She needed a place to burn off the alcohol in her system before she went back to her room. If Tenten saw her in this state, she would have hell to pay.
     Looking around for a suitable place, she spied a door with wooden slats. 'Maybe it leads to some kind of public lounge or something similar.' her hazy mind rationalized. Opening the door and stepping inside, she was disappointed to find herself in a closet.
     "Oh. This isn't right." she said. "There isn't even a light in here."
     She was just about to turn around and leave when a hand closed around her throat. Sobering fast, she drew a kunai from its hiding place under her skirt and managed to find her attacker's neck. Holding her weapon dangerously close to the vein, she questioned him.
     "Who are you?" It came out as a deadly hiss.
     Hidan started to yell at her, but a noise in the hallway made him freeze. Peering over the kunoichi's shoulder, he looked through the door to see a couple making out against the wall opposite the closet door. "Fucking typical." he muttered to himself.
     "Answer me!" Sakura prodded through the pressure on her neck.
     "None of your damn business, bitch." Hidan said in a low voice.
     "I guess I'll just figure it out when you're dead." she said quietly, accenting her words by digging the point of her kunai into his neck. Nobody called her a bitch. Nobody.
     Sakura made out a smile on his face in the darkness. She felt the pressure on her blade increase as he leaned into her weapon. Dragging her closer by the throat, he whispered in her ear. "You can't kill me. However, by the time you draw your arm back to strike a second time, you'll be dead." He squeezed her throat tighter until she wanted to cough from the pressure.
     Long moments passed as the two ninja waited, locked in a deadly stalemate. Hidan glanced over her shoulder occasionally to check on the couple in the hallway. They sure were taking their sweet time out there. If things were any other way, he'd have killed all three of the people around him just for the aggravation.
     "Oh for Jashin's sake, go fuck her already!" he muttered.
     Sakura's eyes widened. "Excuse me?" she asked lowly.
     Hidan grinned again, amused at her misinterpretation. "You're entirely too drunk to be fucked." he said cockily. Then his voice dropped to a near-whisper, low and steely. "However, I have been known to make exceptions."
     She trembled in his grip as an uncertain air came over her. She swallowed hard, the constricting muscles caressing his palm. Light from the hallway poured through the slats, barring her face and lighting strips of pink hair and one glittering green eye. She smelled like woman and whatever fruit juice had been mixed in her drinks. Leaning in, kunai be damned, he kissed her. It was more to punish her than anything else. Maybe next time she would be more careful when she got trashed in public.
     Sakura froze momentarily, the grip on her weapon tightening. Then her body relaxed of its own accord. She didn't know if it was the alcohol, the adrenaline, the situation, or a combination of all three, but whatever the reason, she kissed him back. A total stranger, in the dark, hiding in the closet. It was probably the most insane thing she'd ever done. But his lips were soft and warm and he definitely knew what he was doing.
     The pressure on her neck lessened as she drew her kunai away from his. Getting lost in the moment, she leaned into his hard chest and opened her mouth for him. She felt his tongue slide in and twine with hers. Easily winning dominance, he explored her mouth with a hunger that made her heart race. She could taste the alcohol on him, much more potent than the drinks she had indulged in. His thumb feathered across her throat as his tongue plunged deeper, and she groaned, the sensation sending pleasure spiraling through her body. Pulling back a little then, he drew her lower lip between his teeth and sucked on it for a second before he bit down, hard.
     Sakura gasped at the sudden pain. Then his tongue ran across her abused lip, soothing the stinging sensation. This evidently pleased him, because he crashed his lips onto hers and kissed her passionately. He suddenly drew away and looked past her shoulder out into the hallway.
     "Finally!" he exclaimed softly. Grabbing her by the arm, he turned her around to face the door. "Now go sleep it the fuck off. And remember, I could have killed you at any time." With that, he shoved her out into the empty hallway, closing the door before she could get a look at his face. She glowered at the door, the thought of being dismissed so easily galling her. She ought to go back in there and punch him through the wall. But if her recent experience was any indication, even drunk he was more than a match for her.
     Wandering toward her room, Sakura had to convince herself that what had just happened was real. She just kissed a guy who was obviously a ninja without even knowing his name or even seeing his face. What was wrong with her? Surely she had finally snapped and lost her mind. One thing was for sure, no one was going to find out about her little trip to insanity land. Ever. Then she suddenly picked up the pace to her room. Her drinking binge and nerves had finally caught up with her and she was about to be sick.

     Kisame stood from his seat at the booth in the bar. It was time to go. His companion had scathingly informed him that he had reached his spending limit an hour ago, and the bar’s patronage was slowly dwindling down. With complete steadiness he walked toward the door. He had such a high tolerance that he barely had a buzz, even after nearly a dozen drinks. He noticed as he passed the counter that the kunoichi were long gone as well. And with them went any form of entertainment in the place. So much for having fun.
     As he meandered down the hallway, Kisame tried to think of what to do to relieve his boredom. Itachi was probably asleep by now. Hidan was likely off doing a kami-only-knows-what ritual. And he couldn't tolerate another minute of Kakuzu's somber company. That man just took everything entirely too seriously. Then a familiar scent caught his attention, interrupting his thoughts.
     Interesting. He had no idea that Hatake Kakashi was with the Konoha ninja here tonight. And judging by the strength of the scent, he was close. Glancing around for a quick exit, he spied a closet door nearby. Surely not. It looked much too small to accommodate his large frame. But the rest of the hallway looked even less promising. With a hasty shrug and sigh, he entered the closet and silently shut the door.
     Once inside, it took him all of ten seconds to agree with Hidan about Itachi's plan. It sucked. A lot. If they didn't have to hide from the Konoha ninja, he wouldn't be stuck in this damn closet that cramped his shoulders and made him hit his head on the ceiling. And the place reeked of human occupation. Just how many people were in here tonight? He picked out the scents of two women and one that was definitely Hidan. And was that...what in the world was Itachi doing in here?

     Probably the same thing he was doing, hiding.

     Praying that Hidan hadn't done anything gross while he had occupied this tiny space, Kisame waited silently for the Copy Ninja to pass by him. He kept a careful eye on his massive chakra, making sure none of it leaked out to give him away. The light filtering through the wooden slats of the door dimmed as said ninja walked slowly past, nose in a book and a satisfied look in his exposed eye.

     Hinata repressed a sigh as she turned a sudden corner, only to be greeted with another empty hallway. She didn’t like to complain, even to herself, but she was having a very rough evening. First she nearly passed out when they went to bathe in the hot springs because she overheated, and had to be all but carried out by her friends. Then when they went for drinks, Sakura asked her to stay with them instead of going back to the room with Tenten. She agreed, of course, then had to sit and watch while Sakura and Ino got embarrassingly drunk and loud in the bar.
     After Sakura left, she was supposed to take Ino back to the room. That was all well and good until the blonde kunoichi ran off. Hinata had been searching everywhere for her, but so far couldn't find as much as a faint chakra trail. So now the resort had a drunk ninja on the loose, doing kami-only-knows-what with kami-only-knows-who. And it was for that exact reason that she wasn’t using her Byakugan to find her. She had made that mistake once before on a similar escapade, and the images left burnt on her brain was enough to teach her a lesson about inns and privacy. She wasn’t in any immediate danger, so she would do things the hard way to preserve what modesty she had left. But her search was abandoned when she stopped off at the room to see if Ino had returned. She found Sakura in the bathroom, heaving in the toilet with all her might.
     So here she was running the hallways again, in search of more towels. She had already used the ones they had in the bathroom to get Sakura cleaned up before she put her to bed. She would need more when she found Ino, got her sobered up enough to sleep, and then took a shower herself. She was hoping that she would find Ino along the way and would be able to kill two birds with one stone.
     She found a custodian who was kind enough to give her directions to the linen closet. Thanking her profusely, she started on her way when she ran into Kakashi. He was reading as he walked, and nearly ran into her before she spoke up.
     "G-good evening, Kakashi-sensei." Hinata greeted him.
     "Ah! Hinata-chan. Is everything going well?" he asked.
     "Umm, y-yes." she said, not wanting to alarm him. She nearly had everything under control, and he seemed to be in a great mood. She didn't want his evening to be spoiled by helping her care for drunk kunoichi. "B-but if you happen to see Ino, would you tell her I'm looking for her?"
     "Sure thing." he said, giving her his smiling eye crinkle and walking off down the hallway.
     Hinata bowed to him and continued on her way. Locating the closet moments later, she pulled open the door, grabbed a handful of towels, smiled shyly at the bluish gray skinned man inside, closed the door and started back to her room.
     She made it two steps before she froze in place. What the...? Did she just see what she thought she saw? Surely her mind was overworked and it was a trick of the light. There couldn't possibly be an odd looking man in the closet. Turning her head just enough to look at the door, she pondered what she should do next. If she went back and opened the door and there was nothing there, she would feel like an idiot. If she went back and opened the door and there was someone there… well, she had no idea what she would do then. Probably faint from shock. If she didn't open the door at all, she would feel like a coward.
     She settled for a compromise. Stepping cautiously back toward the door, she looked around to see if anyone was nearby in the hallway. Bending down she peeked through the slats of the closet door. She couldn't see anything in the impenetrable darkness. Waiting a few moments for her eyes to adjust, she listened to see if she heard any movement or breathing, but again she could perceive nothing. A little reassured, she stood upright and opened the door.

     Kisame knew she would come back and open the door when he heard her stop in the hallway. Curiosity always seemed to overcome better judgment. Trying his best to remain calm in the face of being caught, he searched desperately for a plan. He couldn't kill her, that would ruin Itachi's plan and he would be furious with him. So what could he do? Say hi and politely ask her not to tell anyone there was a S-class shark ninja hiding in the closet?
     Taking a deep breath, he waited as she slowly overcame her apprehension and opened the door. When her pale lavender eyes met his yellow ones, he gave her an amused smile, displaying his sharp, white teeth.
     "Hey there." he said.
     The raven haired kunoichi gave him a shocked stare. She sputtered, turned beet red, and promptly passed out. She started to fall forward, but he reached out and grabbed her before she hit the ground. Pulling her into the closet, he shut the door behind them. Now it was really crowded in here. But at least his current predicament was solved.
     Turning with her as best he could, Kisame switched places so he was against the door. Grabbing a couple of towels off the shelf beside him, he placed them under her head as he lay her down on the floor. He checked her pulse and breathing. It wouldn't do at all if she suddenly died on him. But luckily she seemed fine.
     Kisame leaned down and took in her scent before he made his escape. She smelled wonderful, like lilacs and the woods. When she had opened the door, he had gotten a full view of her face. She was sweet and innocent looking with her rounded face and large lavender eyes. It was almost difficult to believe she was a ninja. And her waist length hair was beautiful. Reaching down, he ran a strand of it through his large, calloused fingers. It was infinitely soft.
     With a small sigh of regret, he placed a chaste kiss on her forehead and stepped out into the empty hallway.

     Hinata awoke in a dark room. There was a dim light somewhere in front of her, shining on her feet. Sitting up slowly she took in her surroundings. Shelves towered around her, filled with stacks of towels, sheets and blankets. She was sitting in the floor of a linen closet. The last few minutes before she had passed out came back to her. Feeling a little confused, she stood up. Hadn't she been in the hallway? And wasn't there a strange man in the closet? …Or was there?
     Picking up the towels she had been laying on, she stepped into the hallway. On the floor in front of the door was the handful of towels she had taken from the shelf earlier. She looked at the ones in her hands. If the ones she grabbed were out here, where did these ones come from?
     Shaking her head in confusion, she picked up both sets of towels and shut the door to the closet. She still needed to find Ino. There was no telling where she had gone by now. She decided that whether or not there had been someone there, no one would believe her. They would all think she was nuts. She wasn't even sure she wasn't crazy. So she decided to keep this little incident to herself, investigating it on her own once everything had settled down more.

     Kakuzu stepped out of the bar, a small smile of satisfaction hidden underneath his mask. He had managed to get their outrageous bar tab reduced by a considerable amount. Arguing with both the bartender and manager over their heightened prices had proven quite prosperous. Maybe tomorrow he could work his magic again when they had to pay for their rooms.
     Making his way down the hallway, he stopped when he noticed a closet against the far wall. It wasn't locked. Stepping close to it, he checked the hallway to see if anyone was coming. It was empty. With a smirk, he stepped inside and shut the door behind him. With any luck he could procure a few free "gifts" to take back to the base.

     There was no doubt about it, Ino thought to herself, she was hopelessly lost. It didn't help that her head was fuzzy and she couldn't remember what happened before five minutes ago. She was trying to get to her room, but all the damn doors looked the same. Weren't they supposed to have numbers or something? Wobbling over to one, she peered at the bronze plaque. Yeah, they did have numbers. What was her room number again?
     She peered at the engraved letters intently, as if they would somehow reveal the correct combination to her. When she realized she was just standing there in the hallway staring at a random door, she sighed as she gave up and kept going. Maybe if she kept walking she would run into one of her teammates. She turned a few more corners before she realized she was suddenly tired. She must have walked five miles in this stupid building already. Leaning against the wall, she slid to the floor to rest. After a few minutes of sitting there, a couple walked by and gave her a condescending look. She politely waited until they walked by before sticking her tongue out at their backs and flipping them the bird.
     With another heavy sigh, she realized they were right. It did look quite bad for her to be plopped down in the hallway, red faced and confused. A closet door across the hall from her caught her attention. Maybe she could rest there for a while, and when she had sobered up some, make it back to her room. Clumsily, she climbed to her feet. Opening the door, she walked inside and slammed it shut behind her.
     She rolled her eyes as a startled figure jumped in front of her. Of course the closet she would pick would be occupied already. There was a man with a mask and hood rummaging through a box on the shelf in the back. He turned around, glaring at her.
     "Hey there!" she said cheerily.
     "Go away." Kakuzu said.
     Ino pouted. Ignoring his command, she continued. "So, this seems to be a popular place this evening. Is there even a light in here? It's so dark."
     Kakuzu gritted his teeth. This drunk kunoichi was aggravating him already. He had to get her away from him before she realized he was a ninja as well. Straightening to his full height, he stepped up to her and towered over her, glaring down at her with his piercing green eyes. "You need to leave. Now." he said.
     Ino kept the smile on her face, but inside she was seething. She just hated bossy men. She was so glad that her boys, Shikamaru and Choji, were so laid back. She was so tempted to give this guy a lesson in manners. A quick mind switch and he could be in a dress, covered in makeup, lounging by the girls’ hot spring in no time. That would really be a laugh. Unfortunately, she had no one here to protect her body. It would be far too dangerous a thing to risk on a prank.
     Releasing a soft sigh, she leaned against the wall. "I would gladly, but I have no idea where I am or how to get back to my room. I would ask you for help but..."
     "No." he said, interrupting her.
     "Then you'll just have to deal with me for a while." she said, slumping down to sit in the floor.
     "No I won't. I'm leaving." he said curtly.
     "What were you doing in here anyway?" she asked.
     "Nothing." And with that, he stepped over her to reach the door. Making sure there was no one in the hallway, he stepped out and disappeared out of sight.
     Ino, still sitting in the floor, crossed her arms and turned her head in a huff. What a waste of time. Alone with a guy in a dark closet and she never even made it to first base. Suddenly she felt a familiar chakra signature coming her way. Saved.
     "Hinata-chan!" she called loudly through the now open door of the closet. A moment later, the dark haired head of her friend popped around the corner and peered in at her.
     "Ino-chan! A-are you okay?" Hinata asked. She peered nervously around the interior of the closet. It almost seemed as if she were looking for another person.
     "I'm fine." Ino said, her cheeks flushing. "I just got a little lost."
     "Umm...w-was there anyone else in here?" she asked with a little blush.
     "No." Ino lied. There was no way anyone else was going to know about this embarrassing moment in her life. If Sakura found out she failed to charm a guy, she'd never live it down.
     "Alright." Hinata said. "Let's go back to the room now."
     "Great idea. I really need to go to bed." Ino replied.
     Hinata helped Ino to her feet and supported part of her weight as they made their way back to their room. After they were gone, Jiraya dropped from the ceiling where he had been sitting quietly, chakra glued to the ceiling, observing the whole time. Rubbing his stiff neck, he smiled. He was going to have to have a chat with Tsunade about the lax nature of her kunoichi. On the other hand, he had a wonderful new set of ideas for his latest book. Humming quietly to himself, he exited the closet, shutting the door softly, and made his way toward the girls’ bath to continue his "research".
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Tales From A Linen Closet