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Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse	By : UchihaSasaki-chan Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 3712 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or make profit from the writing of this fanfiction. Those particular rights go to Masashi Kishimoto. However, if I did own Naruto, it would be full of shounen-ai and yaoi.

Chapter List
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Chapter 1: It's the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine)
"Uzumaki!"
A loud voice broke Naruto out of his pleasant daydreaming, and he glared up at the Literature teacher, Kakashi Hatake, who was glaring back.
"Since you find my lesson so boring, maybe you should go down to the principal's office and talk to him about your problem. Oh, and you'll need to come to detention tonight. I'm sure I can find something to interest you then."
Naruto's friend Inuzuka Kiba snickered. Kakashi-sensei rounded on him.
"You think this is funny, Inuzuka?" he snapped. "Go join Uzumaki in the hallway!"
The two friends walked out laughing, feeling the eyes of their Lit teacher burning into their necks.
"What is this, the second time in a week you've been caught daydreaming in Kakashi's class?" snickered Kiba. "You must really like him to wanna spend so much time with him after school…"
Naruto snorted and clacked the tongue piercing he'd gotten for his sixteenth birthday against his teeth in evident amusement.
"As if. He's not my type anyway, 'ttebayo…"
"Yeah, and Uchiha is?" Kiba laughed.
Naruto punched his friend. "Shut up or I'll put my foot up your ass, Inuzuka."
Uchiha Sasuke was the student council president, as well as the captain of the school's kendo team and debate club. He was going to be the valedictorian at their graduation at the end of the year. He was also the hottest guy in school, with his creamy white skin, jet black hair that stuck up in the back and shone a dark purple when the sun hit it, and incredibly expressive, gorgeous deep sea blue eyes. Almost every girl in the school wanted to be his girlfriend, so Naruto couldn't understand why he was still single. Of course, the apparent lack of a girlfriend also made Naruto very happy… He was gay and had had a huge crush on Sasuke since the tenth grade.
"I've seen the way you ogle him," twittered Kiba, fluttering his eyelashes in an effeminate manner. "When're you gonna propose to him, Uzumaki?"
"Okay, Inuzuka, that's it," snarled Naruto, getting ready to make good on his earlier promise. "Prepare to get ass-fucked by my foot, 'ttebayo!"
"'Ass-fucked', dobe? Really?" said a silky, soft voice behind him.
Naruto jumped and turned around to be met by Sasuke's dark blue eyes narrowed in a look of displeasure. He made a mental note to kill Kiba and dump his body in the sewer the first chance he got.
"Uh, hi, Sasuke…" he said, shifting nervously, trying to look anywhere but at Sasuke, which was kind of hard because he was wearing his kendo uniform, which Naruto thought he always looked particularly sexy in. Behind the Uchiha Kiba was making kissy faces, and Naruto heartily wished that Sasuke would leave quickly so that he could kill Kiba in a messy way that involved the dog lover's baby-making equipment and a meat grinder.
"Don't tell me you got in trouble again," the raven-haired teenager sighed, shaking his head. "You know, as it stands now you are dead last in the graduating class this year. If you keep this up, you won't be graduating this year… What a moron…"
"Watch it, temee," growled Naruto, "or I might consider giving you the punishment I was gonna give Kiba…"
Sasuke raised an eyebrow in amusement and irritation. "I doubt you could get near my ass with your foot, sweetie," he smirked.
"You asshole…" Naruto snapped.
"Yes, I do have one," said Sasuke, walking away at a leisurely pace. "So does everyone else in the world."
When he was gone, Kiba burst out laughing. "What do you see in that guy, Naruto? I mean, he's obviously gay –he's flaming gay- so you've got that going for you, but that's not just a pole up his ass; it's a fucking oak tree! There'd be no room for your foot, let alone your dick!"
"I dunno," said Naruto thoughtfully. "There's just something about him…"
"His dominant personality?"
Naruto glowered.
"Please. I'm the dominant one in my relationships, okay?"
"That's news to me," said Kiba. "When you were dating Neji he was the dominant one."
Naruto glowered at him. "Don't mention that clingy bastard to me. Believe me; I wanted to be seme, and we had a shitload of fights about it, some of which ended in physical violence, but in the end he was even more domineering than I am. And it's something else, okay? I just have this feeling that Sasuke isn't who he wants everyone to think he is; that is to say that he's not a complete asshole inside. Plus, the way he calls people 'sweetie' all the time is so cute! Now come on; let's go to the roof and watch dudes, 'ttebayo."
"Hey, you're the one into dick, not me," said Kiba, raising his hands as if to ward off a blow. "You wanna scope out the dudes, I'm not coming."
"There'll be babes too," said Naruto slyly.
Kiba groaned. "How did we ever become friends, Uzumaki?"
The blond rolled his eyes as they walked toward the roof. "We may be different sexual orientations, Inuzuka," he replied, "but being fucked up doesn't discriminate on anyone's account."
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"Relax, Nara, you're holding your sword too tightly," said Sasuke. Inside he was thinking how he always had to correct this guy's grip, and wouldn't it be great if he could just kick him off the team?
Of course, Shikamaru's dad was friends with the coach, Asuma-sensei, so Sasuke couldn't kick him off or else he would catch hell. Having friends in high places or a lot of money was nice –hell, Sasuke's family had more money and influence than they knew what to do with- but not when it interfered with the kendo team's performance.
As he stepped in to spar with Rock Lee, the acting captain whenever he was out, Sasuke let his mind wander onto the subject of Uzumaki Naruto. Sure Naruto was an idiot when it came to school, or at least he seemed to be, but he was really smart in other aspects. Sasuke had seen him step into a situation that was getting hairy and diffuse it more than once with his easygoing attitude. There was just this atmosphere around him that made people like him. His laugh and his good mood were infectious, and his sky blue eyes were always glowing so happily, as if he'd just heard a good joke. His habit of saying "'ttebayo" all the time was incredibly cute, if a little annoying at times. And there was the fact –which everyone at school had known since tenth grade- that he was gay. That and he was smolderingly sexy and yet somehow single.
Sasuke had never admitted to anyone except Gaara and his older brother Itachi that he was gay, although he knew plenty of people suspected it. He actually hadn't entirely admitted it to himself, but he did know that he liked the impish blond sex god as more than a possible friend. It would be amazing to have Uzumaki Naruto as his lover... He'd had a crush on Naruto ever since they'd first met in seventh grade.
"Ouch!" he said, more out of surprise than pain, as Lee's wooden sword hit him in the side. He glared at the bowl-haired boy as he rubbed the place.
"I am sorry, Uchiha-kun," said Lee, "but one should never let down their guard, as you have painstakingly told us."
"Well, I'm glad someone has been listening to me talk," said Sasuke, glaring at the members of the team that were there. His best friend Gaara rolled his eyes, and Shikamaru yawned.
At that moment the door of the dojo slid open, and in stepped something right out of a horror movie. Sasuke's nerves were instantly on edge.
It was one of the girls from his stupid fanclub, an annoying skank by the name of Haruno Sakura. Her school uniform was torn and covered in blood, and she looked extremely pale. Worst of all, there was blood coming out of her mouth. Rock Lee, who had a crush on Sakura, immediately ran toward the pink-haired girl and hugged her.
"Oh my god, Sakura-chan!" he cried. "We have to get you to the nurse!"
"Lee, get away from her!" Sasuke said loudly, readying his wooden practice sword, but it was too late. As he readied himself, Sakura sank her teeth into Lee's neck.
The next scene was just too horrible for words to describe. Lee screamed, and blood spurted from the hole in his jugular vein, bathing the floor and the wall in red. Shikamaru and the other members of the kendo club were frozen, horrified at the sight before their eyes as Sakura began to eat Lee.
Sasuke, on the other hand, took action almost immediately, sweeping the wooden blade up and then bringing it around in a curving arc to hit the pink-haired girl in the side. She stumbled, then got up and began to walk toward the rest of the team. All the while, a horrible moaning emitted from her mouth. The sound sent chills down Sasuke's spine, and he felt cold all over.
As a general rule, Sasuke never hit a girl, no matter how annoying they got. This time, he made an exception. Sakura needed to be stopped before she hurt anyone else. Drawing the wooden sword back, he put all his force behind it and drove it through her heart. She slumped over, and he wiped the wood off on his hakama.
Then, as he turned to walk away, he heard the bone-chilling sound again. This time, there wasn't just one moan, but two, as Lee got unsteadily to his feet and Sakura joined him.
"Holy shit," said Shikamaru.
Sasuke almost panicked. The key word being "almost," because he was an Uchiha, and Uchihas didn't panic. How the hell could Sakura be up and moving after he'd just stabbed her in the heart? And what the fuck was Lee doing up? He shouldn't even be alive after losing so much blood when Sakura bit him.
'They're zombies!' Sasuke's mind shouted at him. He didn't want to believe it, but there was the evidence in front of him. And what was the only way to take out a zombie?
"Nara, I need the kusanagi hanging on the wall over there."
"Eh?" said Shikamaru, looking at Sasuke as if he had just sprouted three extra heads. The Uchiha got irritated.
"Goddammit, Nara, just do it!" he snapped, and Shikamaru snapped out of whatever daze he was in and raced for the wall, while Gaara helped Sasuke ward off the two flesh-eating monsters that had been Sakura and Lee.
"Oi, Uchiha!" he yelled, and threw the kusanagi in Sasuke's direction. He was a bad thrower, but the raven-haired teen caught it anyway and whipped it out of its sheathe, decapitating Sakura with a deadly and graceful speed.
"A little help, Sasuke?" shouted Gaara from the floor, where he was fighting the thing that had been Lee, just barely holding it off. The Uchiha wasted no time running the blade through the back of Lee's head, and he dropped like a stone. Gaara pushed him off with a groan of disgust.
"That was way too close for comfort," he said, wiping his bloody hands on his haori.
"What the hell is this?" asked Shikamaru.
"I have a hunch," replied Sasuke, wiping the blade before putting it back in its sheathe, "but it sounds crazy just when I think about it…"
"What is it?" asked Gaara.
"Zombies."
Dead silence greeted this statement, and Sasuke was starting to think that he really had lost it when Shikamaru nodded his head.
"It makes sense, in a very strange sort of way," he said thoughtfully. "The transmission of the disease through a bite and how Sakura kept coming even after you stuck a blade in her heart… And then they only died when you got rid of their brain…"
Gaara and Sasuke looked at each other awkwardly.
"Whatever," said the raven-haired teenager, heading for Iruka-sensei's office. "Come on, we're all going to need real blades if we don't want to become lunch."
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"Dude, what the fuck!" snapped Naruto as he warded off another of the zombies with a baseball bat. "This cannot be happening!"
"Well," said Kiba, using his switchblade to down an undead Yamanaka Ino, "it's happening. I think we'd better get used to it, because something tells me it's gonna be this way for a while."
"Thanks for that encouraging note," said Naruto sarcastically as he bashed in the brains of an undead teacher. "I'll add that to my Facebook blog under inspirational quotes."
The door to the roof started rattling and pounding as students screamed and cried, begging to be let up. Naruto and Kiba had already let people up once and now the few students and staff who had taken refuge on the roof with them were the ones whose brains they were bashing in. It was a hard decision, especially for Naruto, who hated leaving people behind, but they left the door locked. Eventually the screaming died away, replaced by the horrid moaning and scratching of the animated dead. The two boys were alone now, surrounded by the dead.
"How long d'you think this will last?" Kiba asked Naruto as they wedged an iron bar through the door handle, barring entry to anyone.
"I dunno, but hopefully a while," replied the blond. "We need to figure out a way to get off the roof before they break through."
"What about a fire escape?" asked Kiba.
"D'you ever see one when we're down on the ground looking up at the school, 'ttebayo?" rejoined his friend.
"Well, it wouldn't hurt to look would it?"
But Kiba had to admit that Naruto was right after they had combed the edges of the roof twice; there was no exit, and they were as good as dead unless someone got through the living dead on the other side of the door or a helicopter passing overhead rescued them. Naruto highly doubted either would happen.
Then, just as the door started to give, Naruto found a long length of lead pipe with a jagged end perfect for spearing zombie brains with.
"Heads up, Kiba!" he yelled as the door collapsed and the undead poured onto the roof. The brunet had just enough time to get out of the way before Naruto rammed the long metal rod through the air and into the head of the nearest zombie, which dropped like a stone. Despite the killing of one of their members, the others didn't even slow down. They marched fearlessly on. Well, not so much marched as staggered along.
"There anything I can do, or you just want me to stand here and look pretty?" called Kiba, clearly annoyed that he wasn't doing anything to help his friend.
"I dunno about looking pretty," Naruto retorted as he speared yet another zombie through their eye. The eyeball burst, and its juices flowed onto the ground like an egg melting, followed by some of the zombie's brain as Naruto pulled out his impromptu spear. "The looking pretty is my job too. You're just dead weight, 'ttebayo."
"Fuck you," snapped the brunet, taking up another section of broken lead piping and ramming it through the chin of the creature that used to be their headmistress Tsunade. It exited out the top of her head, and Kiba pulled back quickly to avoid having his weapon pulled from his hands as she fell.
"I didn't think you swung that way, Kiba-kun," said Naruto with a snicker. Kiba sighed in irritation.
Just then there was a new commotion from the direction of the door, and who should step through the door but Uchiha Sasuke, Nara Shikamaru, and Sabaku Gaara. They were all still in their kendo uniforms, which were now bloodstained, and each wielded a real sword, not the wooden practice blades the kendo team usually worked with. They were all breathing hard, and sweat was trickling down their faces.
What Naruto was thinking was, 'I have never seen anything as sexy as Sasuke covered in blood and sweat and in his kendo uniform. It makes me wanna take him right now on the roof.'
What he actually said was, "It's about damn time you guys showed up, 'ttebayo! I thought we were royally fucked!"
What Sasuke was thinking was 'Oh my god, if Naruto can use that kind of power to thrust that pole through zombies, just think what he could do to me with his dick…'
What he actually said was, "Hn."
Naruto rolled his eyes as he speared yet another zombie.
"It's nice to see that some things haven't changed…"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" snapped Sasuke, bringing his kusanagi down on the head of one of the animated dead, cleaving it in two and dropping it instantly.
"Your glib responses, temee…"
"I should have left you here…" the raven-haired teen muttered as he wiped the blade on his hakama again, knowing he could never do what he was muttering about. "Come on," he said in a louder voice. "If we don't hurry the way back down will be blocked."
Kiba and Naruto did not need to be told twice.
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Aren't they so eloquent? Then again, the time to tell each other those kinds of kinky sex things is not when you are covered from head to toe in zombie guts. Unless you're into that kind of stuff, then it's the perfect time. Well, actually no it's not even then because then you get distracted and then that results in two brand new zombies. Yeah. I thought it was time to do a zombie story, because my three favorite things in the world are Naruto, zombies, and Rammstein. (Rammstein has nothing to do with this fanfic, except that I listen to them whenever I'm writing a particularly violent or tragic fanfic like this one, but whatever.)
So here is my favorite couple (though they're not really a couple yet) fighting together and kicking zombie ass. (I think I've already touched on how odd it is that NaruSasu is my favorite pairing in a few of my other stories, me being a lesbian…) How much more awesome could it get? (Well, it would be way more awesome if they were kicking ass to a Rammstein soundtrack, but oh well.)
Ooh, Mein Teil! That's a perfect song for this story; maybe I should make it the story's theme song; it's creepy enough… (Read the lyrics and their English translation and you'll see what I mean. It's all about a 2004 murder case in Germany in which a homosexual man (Arwin Miewes) cut off Jurgen Brandes's (his lover's) penis, fed it to him, and then let him bleed out and then cut him up and ate him. I'm not making this up; it's a true story. I think he even fed some of his lover to his dog. And the guy only got eight years for it, because while Miewes had sick fantasies about eating people, Brandes had sick fantasies about being eaten. A match made in Paradise, right? All right, more like the Underworld, but whatever.)
Sasuke: 0.0 That's extremely disturbing. What lives in your head?
Me: Anthony Hopkins, Jack Nicholson, Saeki Kayako, Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger, your mom, and a couple of strippers. 8D
Sasuke: -_- Wow. o.O Wait, did you mention my mother?
Me: 8D Yep! Did I also mention your mom was one of the strippers?
Sasuke: #*_* I'LL KILL YOU!
Me: 8D -Laughs crazily and runs for the hills as fast as I possibly can, narrowly avoiding a Chidori by a few feet-
I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Chapter two will be up soon. Review, please. And as for Kei-kun, I'm sorry I killed off Rock Lee in the first chapter. I love you. Please don't kill me.
Naruto: -_- I dunno what you're talking about. I want to personally thank you for getting rid of the creepy eyebrows dude.
Me: Yeah, you, me, Sasuke, and everyone else in the series except for Gai-sensei, who is not appearing in this story, and Kei-kun.
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Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse