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Sugar and Alcohol	By : nekokunoichi Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1302 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or profit from any of my writing.

Chapter List
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"Senpaaaiiii!"
Deidara rubbed his temples. He could feel a headache coming on, and his partner wasn't even in the room yet. Tobi was barreling down the hall toward the commons area that the artist and every other Akatsuki member currently occupied. Everybody acted as if there wasn't an idiot shouting and running down the hall. Deidara's sculpture lay abandoned on a small table. He knew that if he kept working on it, he would end up destroying it when he went to strangle Tobi.

"Deidara-senpai!" Tobi chirped as he skidded to a halt in front of the artist. "Let's go trick or treating!"
The blonde's eyebrow twitched. "Ninjas don't trick or treat." he muttered.
"But Tobi wants candy." The masked man whined.
"So go buy some." Deidara snapped. "Don't even think about trick or treating. It would kill Akatsuki's reputation."
"Tobi doesn't have any money."
Deidara said nothing. He was trying to hold his temper since their leader was in the room.
"Since you won't let me trick or treat, you should buy me some dango!" Tobi exclaimed.

So much for not blowing his fuse today. The blonde jumped up and began to chase Tobi around the room. He quickly caught him and put his hands around the taller man's neck. "Death by strangulation!" He growled as he throttled Tobi. Their commotion went on for a moment longer before Pein spoke.
"We will observe Tobi's request." He stated.
The masked idiot escaped from Deidara's grasp and did some sort of happy dance as he thanked Pein. The artist stared at the leader in shock.
"Leader-sama, I mean no disrespect, but are we not too old to partake in such activities?" Itachi asked.

"We're supposed to be an organization of s-ranked criminals. Why the fuck would we go trick or treating?" Hidan snarled.

"This is not a profitable thing for Akatsuki to do. It will lower our reputation, and further decrease our income." Kakuzu said.

"I understand your concerns. However, this is an order, and is to be obeyed." Pein said in a formal, yet commanding tone.

"Yes, Pein-sama." All but Hidan and Konan chorused.

"Are we required to dress up?" Konan inquired.

Akatsuki's leader thought for a moment. "No, but if you wish to, you may."

"Very well."

"I bet Konan would look hot in a nurse's outfit." Hidan whispered a little too loudly to his partner. Kakuzu sighed in response.

"Deidara-senpai would be pretty in a school girl uniform!" Tobi announced happily. Everybody laughed to some degree. Even Itachi let slip a quiet snort.

Deidara flushed. "Shut up, un!" He said, and hit his idiotic team mate in the back of the head. He wanted to inflict more bodily harm upon Tobi, but decided he would wait until nobody who might stop him from killing the moron was present.

The group of nine walked down a quiet street in a small village near their hide out. None of them were dressed up, except Tobi, who swapped his usual orange swirl patterned mask for one with a cat face drawn on it. He also wore a pair of fluffy, black cat ears.
Tobi took the first house. He rang the doorbell, and an old lady answered. "Meow! Tobi is a good kitty, may Tobi have a treat?" He held a hand up by his "ear" like a paw.
"My, aren't you adorable!" The grandma said with a chuckle, and dropped a handful of chocolates into his bag, which resembled his normal mask.
"Adorable? That woman must be senile." Deidara scoffed when Tobi returned to the group.
The kitty cat ignored Deidara's jab. "Your turn, senpai!" He said.

So Deidara went to the next house. He knocked on the door, and a teenage girl answered it. "You're so pretty!" She gushed. "Who does your hair?"
The blonde visibly twitched. He held open his hand, revealing the mouth in his palm which was chewing on explosive clay. "Give me some chocolate, or I'll blow your house up." He threatened.
"Eww! You're a guy! That is so gross!" The teen shrieked as she threw some candy at Deidara's face before slamming the door on him, not even noticing his threat or his hand. Some of the others looked like they wanted to laugh. Tobi and Hidan were laughing. Of course. Damn pricks.

Kisame went next. He rang the doorbell, and was greeted by a woman who appeared to be in her thirties. "Trick or-" He couldn't even finish his sentance, because the woman screamed, begged for him not to eat her, and fainted. The shark man deflated. He picked up the woman, carried her to her couch, and made off with her whole bucket of candy. "After all, I am strangely coloured.[1]" He mumbled. A silent exchange passed between him and Itachi when he came back.

The Uchiha walked up to the next house. He rang the doorbell, and a young woman answered. She gasped softly, and gawked for a moment, her cheeks flushed pink. It was nothing new. Uchiha beauty was a devastating thing. "Pardon me, but I require sustenance of the sugared variety."
The lady blinked, recovering her wits slightly.
"O-ok." She managed. Her eyes remained locked on his as she dropped two handfuls of candy into his bag. When he rejoined the group, Kisame seemed to be more depressed.

Konan was next. She knocked on a door. A young couple answered. The man ogled her, and the woman gave her a dirty look. The blue haired kunoichi glared at them both. "Stop being so rude." She huffed.
"You're hot, it's a compliment." The man defended, shamelessly keeping his gaze the same as he dropped a few candies into her basket.
"Quit acting like a pig!" The woman hissed. She was glaring daggers at Konan.
Konan's glare turned to a smirk. "Pigs are intelligent animals." She stated. Then, turning to the man, she added, "You might want to put your bitch on a leash before she tears anyone's throat out. Perhaps you could try giving her a bone once in a while to quell that urge of hers, and stop staring at other women like they are sex objects." She spun on her heel and walked away, leaving the couple sputtering at their doorstep.
"Your tongue is sharper than any sword." Itachi stated. Everyone else was laughing to some degree.

Pein went to the next house. He was greeted by a tattooed man. "Are those piercings real?" He asked, in awe.
"Every one of them." Pein answered.
"Dude, that's sick!" The inked man exclaimed. "That is the coolest thing I have seen in a long time." He held his small bowl of candy over Pein's bag and dumped the whole thing into it. "I've got more if you want."
"That's ok. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, but I am sure my friends will appreciate this. Thank you." The leader said with a nod.
"Happy Halloween, dude." The man said, a huge grin plastered on his face.

Next was Kakuzu. An elderly gentleman answered his door before Kakuzu knocked. The monstrous man scowled down at the little old man. "Give me money, or I'll kill you." He hissed. His red and green eyes were narrowed into dangerous slits.
The man sobbed, and pulled out his wallet. He handed Kakuzu every bill. The greedy shinobi counted the money as he walked with the group. "5,000 ryou. Not too bad, I suppose." He mused.

Hidan went to the next house. A middle-aged couple greeted him at their door. He pushed them inside, and slammed the door behind him. Screams could be heard from outside. The group knew exactly what was going on. They went ahead without him, knowing that he would catch up when he was done with his ritual, and that if they were to interrupt him, there would be hell to pay.

Zetsu was last in the rotation. He knocked on a door, and a plump man answered. "Whoa, that's some costume you got there." He said and poked one of the spikes that protruded from Zetsu's Venus fly trap-like petals. The plant seemed to react.
"I'm hungry..." Zetsu's white half said softly.
"Let's eat him." Black Zetsu rasped. He pushed the fat guy through the door, and shut it behind him.
"Itadakimasu." the plant man said. He rejoined the group before Hidan did, and gave Tobi three large bags of candy. "He was chewy. [2]" His white half reported cheerfully.

Pein ordered Zetsu and Hidan not to kill anyone else. Everyone trick or treated for a few more hours, before winding up at a bar. They scoped out the place, and figured it was empty and safe enough to have a drink or two. Several hours later would find them completely wasted and comically out of character.
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Author's Notes I intended this to be a smutty, and violent Halloween one shot on crack, but as I was writing, the story evolved into something a bit more serious, and longer. That is why I am late in posting it.
[1]It is shown in the anime's omake specials that Kisame is insecure of his blue skin. This is portrayed when Deidara commented on how handsome his partner was, and how that must make him popular. Kisame sulked, and replied with, "After all, I'm strangely colored". http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Kisame
[2]Zetsu's favorite food is chewy people, while his least favorites are konnyaku and jelly. http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Zetsu
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Sugar and Alcohol