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What it Means	By : amskitty214 Category: Naruto AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1018 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I don't own Gaara or any other Naruto elements. Seth belongs to my BFF Lauren. I make no profits from this.

Chapter List
- 1-What it Means
- 1
“Come to bed.”
Gaara peered over his shoulder and found half lidded red eyes traveling appreciatively over the expanse of his exposed body. Seth slid closer as Gaara made himself comfortable beneath the sheets next to him, grateful for the fact that Gaara was not a modest individual, hands already reaching to pull him in for a kiss.
“Why do you want to have sex with me?”
Seth was not so grateful that Gaara was such a blunt individual.
“What am I to you?”
Gaara waited for the answers. They were questions that had been plaguing him for a while now. He knew he shouldn't be asking anything at all. Questions meant that things were becoming more involved and consequently more complicated, that the risk of his suspicions being proven correct was increasing. But he needed to know. Left alone with only his thoughts on this new development between him and Seth for a week, he'd been given plenty of time to examine it from all possible angles.
It didn't look particularly good from any of them.
Shukaku kept insisting that none of this was real, that this `relationship' with Seth was as much a lie as the one he'd had with Yashamaru and Gaara needed something—anything—to contradict that. Without Seth's presence to refute this, or Temari and Kankuro there to demand explanations from, the thoughts threatened to consume him. His calming jutsu had hardly any effect at all when the warring notions began to make him shake and consider violent relief from the tension. The training grounds had been forced to endure his frustrations.
The resulting rubble would take weeks to repair.
“There're lots of reasons why.”
That was met by a fierce glare and Seth knew that answer wasn't anywhere near good enough.
“You're….important to me,” he said, already not liking this conversation. Something about it felt….off. This Gaara didn't seem like the same one who'd been pawing him the morning he left with Conquede on his mission. This one was on edge and dead serious. Like the old Gaara. He could see that this trust thing wasn't coming very easily to him but he was important to him, very important, and Gaara needed to be convinced, needed his suspicions put to rest. He needed definitive reassurance and encouragement and if that's all this was about—
“Am I…one of your precious people?” he asked, using a tone Seth didn't quite know how to interpret. Gaara's voice usually lacked any kind of inflection, could somehow make something as converse as a threat and a question sound exactly alike, creating a gradation that was unique only to Gaara. This new tone made Seth think he'd asked this question before and already knew its answer.
It was an easy enough one for Seth to answer though.
“Of course. You're my most precious person. It's not like I ever invited anyone else to move in with me for over a month. You're my closest friend. And my boyfr….my….we're together,” he finally decided.
`Boyfriend' and Gaara just did not go together. Just…no. And `lover' was way too Icha Icha Paradise so Together came out the winner amongst the three, even though it too didn't quite describe what they had.
Regardless, things were crystal clear in Seth's mind. He and Gaara were a couple. He didn't understand why it wasn't as clear to Gaara. He knew that relationships and people in general tended to puzzle him but even he had to know that he wouldn't want to have sex with him unless he were someone very special to him.
“What does that mean?”
“What does what mean?”
“Together. What does that mean?”
The pitch suggested Seth answer truthfully and quickly.
“Well…it means we get to do this a lot,” Seth grinned slyly, “And it means we do other things together. And share things and help each other and look after each other and…you know, all the stuff that couples do.”
Gaara was lost in thought for several moments, the scowl materializing on his face again.
“It won't just be sex.”
“Of course not,” Seth answered, although it hadn't been a question.
Angry red was suddenly fixed on Gaara's face.
“I wouldn't do something like this with you unless you meant something to me. I wouldn't just use you like that,” Seth snapped, indignant. Seth could endure the whispers behind his back, the outrageous accusations and lies that got passed around the village about him, the indirect attacks on his character, but he could not endure something like that from Gaara. Gaara was the one person who should've understood him, who should've known he wasn't the type of person who did things like that. How could he think that? That he'd treat him that way?
But then his mind turned down a much darker path.
“Is that what you want? For this to just be sex and nothing else?”
Gaara didn't know how to answer, didn't know what he wanted anymore. It should just be about sex shouldn't it? Gaara needed it to be only sex. Anything more would cause problems. But that didn't seem to be an option anymore. They hadn't even done anything yet and already problems were cropping up. But most importantly, that didn't seem to be what Seth wanted.
“Isn't that really what it is?” he asked slowly, Seth's reaction agitating his already edgy mood.
The sand soughed quietly inside the gourd.
“Not to me,” the silver-haired demon replied, his voice low, still glaring disbelievingly at him.
Seth couldn't believe what he was hearing.
Gaara's words were making him completely rethink things, made him wonder if he really could have misread Gaara so completely. His voice had gone flat again, as if he wasn't discussing anything of importance and it was beginning to wear on Seth's nerves.
“Wouldn't that be less complicated? Wouldn't it be better that way?”
“Better for who?” Seth wanted to know, eyes evenly holding Gaara's.
Gaara didn't answer. He didn't have to because Seth already knew. And Seth resented him for that, resented Gaara for assuming that he was the only one with emotions to protect, for assuming he was the only one who could end up hurt. He understood that Gaara was paranoid and lonely and rightfully so but after all this time did he really think….?
“What is it to you?” Gaara demanded sitting up, wanting to establish some guidelines, wanting to put a name, a label on this thing so that there would be no more questions or confusion as to what was happening between them or what they expected from one another.
“Much more than `just sex',” Seth said a little more loudly than he'd intended. But he just wasn't prepared for this. This was not how his homecoming was supposed to go at all. That Gaara of all people would say something like that, the idea that he might use him like that was more than he could deal with right now.
“If it's just a fuck buddy you want maybe you should find someone else to do this with,” Seth fired at him, suddenly unreasonably angry. He lay there stewing for a moment before sitting up, back turned towards the redhead.
He supposed that's what he got for assuming things. Gaara really hadn't indicated he'd wanted more than something physical. But still he had to know that sex wasn't something a person was supposed to do at random or with just anyone. He had to know that he meant more to him than that. Even emotionally retarded Gaara had to know that sex was supposed to be something special, done with someone special.
“What do you want, Gaara?” anger still heavy in his voice, needing to know exactly where he stood with him, what he meant to him.
“I want you.”
That was really all there was to it.
Gaara only wanted Seth.
And whatever titles and stipulations came with that, Gaara would just learn how to accept them. The alternative was no longer acceptable.
Gaara didn't understand all of what `together' meant. He only had a crude definition of what it meant to be a part of a couple but if it meant that he could still be with Seth as he had been for the last few weeks and that they could still have sex then maybe this revision to their relationship wouldn't be as complicated as he thought?
Seth was important to him too.
For many reasons. He was a pivotal part of his life and had been ever since he'd watched him fight back the bullies in the orphanage, protecting both of them. Seth embodied everything Gaara had once hoped he could've been. Despite the enormous preternatural power inside him he had still somehow remained very human. And he had found people who saw only Seth, not the power. He didn't seem to resent the cards he'd been dealt in life. He seemed to have made peace with so many things, seemed to have control and stability so many other things that Gaara desperately needed.
It immediately became clear to Gaara at that moment that he was not just important to him, he needed Seth.
He didn't know when he'd gone from wanting the life Seth had to wanting the boy himself, didn't know what exactly he needed Seth for but he had and he did and the more he thought, the more he was disturbed by it.
Because Gaara did not need anyone.
Gaara needed only Gaara. And occasionally a strong opponent to kill to authenticate his reason for living….
He had the sudden and distinct feeling of being trapped, cornered.
He was involved in something that couldn't be backed out of without very upsetting consequences.
He needed Seth.
But Seth…Seth didn't need him because no one had ever needed him…no one wanted him, he was a demon, a mistake, a defective weapon…
`Exactly. And you already know this will end in lies, in pain,' Shukaku chided from the back of his mind, `as it always does. Stop being a fool, brat. He'll hurt you, use you, and eventually turn his back on you like the little lying bastard he is...'
Gaara slowly gripped fistfuls of his hair, breaths becoming thin and uneven, as the Tail chortled in that near hysterical manner of his.
`…end this nonsense before it's too late. You're letting him make a fool of you, letting him make you weak. Did Yashamaru teach you nothing!? Your father? Hurt him before he hurts you. Show him the value of your existence. Don't forget what you are, what your purpose is. You exist to kill…'
Gaara gasped, the sudden flare of Shukaku's chakra, pure, distilled, causing his small body to shudder from the sheer volume and intensity of it, causing the air in the room to become thicker, heavier, causing the sand to flood the air…
Gaara could feel the presence inside bubble closer to the surface, the fickle resolve separating his tenant from himself bending, stretching thinner, and he fought it, his fingers pulling at his hair, eyes pinched shut, grimace twisting his lips, trying to gather his own chakra into his heart, his lungs…
Hands were on his, wrestling the red strands free of his curled fingers and he thought he heard his name called, felt something warm against his bare chest, something cool against his back, hands on either side of his face, then on his shoulders, more muffled words spoken, warm softness grazing his forehead, his cheek, his lips…
Gaara's eyes opened wide and his surroundings slowly swam into focus, the Tail only slightly less agitated.
The first thing he saw was the sand.
Because it was everywhere.
The furniture was smothered by it, the entire room coated thickly in it, the two of them nearly entombed by it. The sand had nearly cocooned them, only sparing them and the bed on which they lay by a few feet, a variation of the protective little ball he used to shelter himself in when he felt the need to protect himself from an unusually strong enemy. It still heaved balefully in some areas of the room and sharp diamond hard stalactites and stalagmites of sand were jutting out at precise angles from the ceiling, walls, and floor.
All of them aimed at the source of his distress.
The silver-haired target looked relatively unfazed by the threat and had his attention focused instead on Gaara. Seth had him practically pinned between himself and the wooden headboard of his bead, concern showing plainly in his eyes but no fear that Gaara could see. A hand was stroking his hair, his face, and his mouth was moving, Seth was saying something but Gaara didn't hear it because Shukaku's voice was still reverberating throughout his head, his words an endless echo, still mumbling warnings and insults, still instigating, still laughing, still insisting that he…
“Stop,” Gaara hissed, voice tight and forced, not realizing he'd spoken aloud.
Seth didn't know if Gaara was talking to him or Shukaku or his mother or to whoever else lived inside his head but he didn't move, didn't stop his soothing gestures. These incidents never failed to upset Seth and since he was able to touch him now to comfort him instead of just offering words, he was not about to just sit by and do nothing. It disturbed him, angered him, seeing Gaara this way. No one should ever have to fight for control of their own mind.
It was hard to tell what the catalyst had been this time. These episodes of Gaara's seemed to be so random and unprovoked sometimes, but Gaara's earlier declaration must've been at least part of it. Whatever the cause, an intelligent person would've been clawing to get out of the room the moment Gaara's voice had changed pitch but Seth seldom relied on his intellect. Instinct was a much better guide and had never once led him in the wrong direction. Although it wasn't the first time he'd dealt with something like this, he still kept a vigilant eye on the angry spikes of sand surrounding him. Even though his gut told him that Gaara wouldn't hurt him. If anything this reaction let him know that Gaara's feelings clearly ran much deeper than just physical attraction. Apparently deep enough to frighten him into near mental breakdown.
“Stop…s-stop,” Gaara breathed in a voice that sounded too small, too young, too weak to be his. Seth knew he was speaking to him this time because his frenetic bloodshot eyes were fixed squarely on his face and his hands tightened their grip on his arms.
“…make it stop…make it…”
Seth knew that kissing him would not stop whatever Gaara needed stopped but he kept doing it anyway, murmuring unimaginative clichés like `It's ok' and `Try to calm down.'
A little of Gaara's tension subsided, his muscles becoming less rigid and he kissed back, distantly thinking again how powerful a simple touch could be. It was hesitant at first but it became increasingly desperate because he quickly came to the conclusion that as long as he was kissing Seth, as long as Seth was kissing him and touching him like this, the tanuki's words weren't true. Shukaku was the one who was lying. Seth wouldn't use him. Seth did want him, did need him. He was more than just a weapon or a relic of Suna's questionable past because he was important to Seth because Seth had said so, he'd said so and it was true because he was the one Seth had chosen to be with like this, he was the one Seth wanted to be `together' with…..
These episodes usually only lasted a few minutes and thankfully Gaara seemed to be coming out of it now, Seth noted with more than a little relief. The bruising grip and sloppy frantic kisses didn't let up even when the words tumbling out of Gaara began to make a little more sense...
“Prove to me…show me…”
Because that's what Gaara had to have now. He needed solid and physical proof that Shukaku was wrong about this. And he was wrong. Because Seth wanted him. Wanted him and had said he was his most precious person, he'd said so but words meant nothing, words were liars, words always meant absolutely nothing without proof so he had to…
“…prove it,” he nearly shouted.
Gaara had somehow gotten Seth's clothes off and Seth had been too distracted to see just how he did it so fast. He met each of the attack-like kisses with just as much intensity while struggling to get rid of the sheets that lay between them, struggling to get them into a more comfortable, pleasurable position. Which proved difficult with Gaara's arousing wriggling and violent kisses and the painful grip he still had on him. Eventually he managed it, sighing in relief when finally there was nothing separating them, nothing but the other's warmth and firmness flush against his.
Seth had thought about this nearly every moment of the past week, had daydreamed about this constantly, had awakened in the middle of the night with nothing but this in his head. This face, those eyes, this body, this pale, too smooth body pressed against him this way and it was so much better than he remembered, so much better than he imagined.
Seth didn't know what he was supposed to be proving but it was clear enough what Gaara needed from him.
Gaara ended the current kiss only because the need to breathe properly forced him to, and even when he did he still could only gasp because Seth's mouth was suckling on the pulse point in his neck and his thumb and forefinger had captured a nipple and the sensation of both actions at once was amazingly arousing and his legs wound around Seth's waist as he bowed and ground himself into the hard muscles making up the silver-haired one's belly.
Seth keened slightly and reflexively bit down on the flesh in his mouth, not hard enough to draw blood but hard enough to leave a mark that would undoubtedly linger.
Gaara didn't mind, barely noticed.
It was more proof.
Seth was touching him and kissing him and wanting him and every touch meant that what Seth said was true and the demon was wrong because Seth was showing him, proving to him that…
“…you want me.”
“Yes,” was Seth's husky reply, once again giving answers to things that weren't questions.
“…it isn't…it's not just…”
“No. Never.”
The answer was enough for now and Gaara suddenly didn't want to talk anymore, didn't want to think anymore, didn't want to keep trying to cipher all the conflicting thoughts still obstinately swirling inside him.
He wanted Seth…
Seth was nursing one of his nipples again and a hand had wrapped securely around his swiftly hardening sex and before Gaara could completely lose himself to it all, he blindly groped for the sand encrusted night table, the other hand still knotted in Seth's hair to keep his mouth where it was. He fairly tore the small drawer from its tracks and shoved one of the tubes at Seth, nearly choking the contents from it as the hand it was in suddenly fisted when Seth did something particularly pleasing with his thumb.
Seth rescued the lube from the danger it was in and quickly worked it open.
Gaara tightened against the cool, slick fingers as two of them circled the parameter a few times then pushed their way inside. He didn't have much time to mull over the strange uncomfortable feeling because Seth was apparently trying to eat him and Gaara voiced a sound that would've embarrassed him if he'd been paying attention to himself instead of Seth but he wasn't because he couldn't think beyond the soft heat and suction rippling around him, couldn't see anything beyond that bobbing silver head between his legs, couldn't hear anything beyond those wet sounds his mouth was making.
The fingers impatiently slid deeper, stretching, scissoring, another one was added and then they grazed something that made Gaara's left leg spasm and pulled the knot of tension in his groin a little tighter and he was getting closer, so close…..and then the fingers were gone and Seth's mouth was gone and he was left empty and wanting and needing and he did hear the noise of frustration he made this time, but then something else was replacing the fingers, something thick and blunt and warm and bigger than fingers and then it was inside, Seth was inside him and nothing he'd read or seen or heard prepared him for this feeling of having another person inside him, this feeling that was physical but at the same time wasn't, was pain but at the same time not, and Gaara's eyes fluttered open and he made another sound, louder than the first two, as Seth inched deeper until he had finally been forced to take all of him.
And it hurt.
It hurt and it burned and it hurt but it didn't matter because Gaara had learned early on that few things in life didn't and it didn't matter because that nonphysical feeling was still there, hadn't changed or lessened because of the pain….
And because Seth was looking at him that way.
The way the Inuzuka boy looked at the bug nin, the way his sister sometimes looked at the lazy shadow user.
Seth was looking at him that way.
Like he was someone and not some thing. Like blades of sand weren't a few feet away poised to do him bodily harm. Like Shukaku didn't even exist. Like his own homicidal tendencies were irrelevant. Like he knew and accepted all of that and still he meant something to him. Like he was worth something and needed and wanted and there was concern and desire and trust and other things in the feral red eyes looking down at him that Gaara had never expected to see aimed at him.
Seth asked if he was ok and Gaara said yes even though he wasn't, wrapping his legs around his waist again, because it was worth it, it was worth the pain if that was all it took to keep Seth looking at him that way, keep touching his face that way, keep saying his name that way…
Seth was lying on top of him, lips continuously nibbling at his and was saying things to him, whispering things, his voice a concerned but needy mumble, some of which he caught, some of which completely evaded him.
Gaara's fraught mind did allow him to hear when Seth asked again if he was alright and again he said yes because Seth was still kissing him, still stroking and caressing and trying not to cause him pain even though it was obvious from his rapid breathing, the shallow thrusts he seemed helpless to prevent and the periodic twitching Gaara felt within him, that he was having a difficult time doing that.
“Gaara…”
It was that almost-growl not-quite whisper that signaled the enormous power’s presence. Softer than the first time he'd heard it and full of lust but still definitely not all Seth.
“…so good…God you feel…so…”
And then the shallow thrusts became much less shallow and it still hurt but Seth was also brushing against that sensitive place inside that made his spine curve and his thoughts even more random and soon he was moving with him, angling himself to meet the forceful strokes because the pain was steadily softening into a muted throb, becoming the backdrop for the increasing pleasure…
Seth roughly changed their positions and Gaara found himself upright in Seth's lap, his legs instinctively going around his waist again and Seth's arms were around him, claws digging into his back, his side, trapping him there, impaled on that rigid part of him that Gaara could still feel rhythmically pulsing inside him. And then he was moving, moving fast and relentless inside him and Gaara's fingers found purchase on his shoulders as he moved with him, arching himself so that place inside was struck each time and Seth saying things, filthy things, things that excited Gaara for reasons he didn't understand, things that stirred something dark and primitive he hadn't realized was sleeping in the recesses of his mind and his head fell back, mouth open, eyes screwed shut, his lungs raggedly and loudly dragging in each breath and he swore and he was so close and Seth's hand found his length again and stroked and squeezed and did the thing with his thumb again, encouraging him to come.
And he did.
Gaara came. Gaara came, choking out a sob through gritted teeth, his body flexing, the overwhelming sensation yanking all his muscles taut until he shuddered from the strain and spilled across Seth's hand.
The sand was on the move again, the sharpened points quickly dulling and dissolving and dropping to the floor in soft mounds only to rise up again a split second later to hover almost motionless in the air around them, the light from the moon catching and reflecting it, turning many of the grains into tiny pinpricks of light. It was obviously as bemused as Gaara, knowing there was no longer a reason to attack but still flustered, unable to remain idle any longer.
Gaara was as exhausted as he'd ever been after any battle but couldn't recall ever feeling as calm as he did at the moment, muscles still twitching, nerve endings still raw and crackling with the residual tremors. Unfortunately there was no time to bask in it because Seth had not yet reached that peak and was still driving into him, still gasping his pleasure in his efforts. Gaara moaned, everything still too sensitive, but still wrapped his limbs tighter around Seth and let his head drop to his shoulder. He was completely overwrought with sensation, drained in every sense of the word and could do nothing except sit there until Seth found his release.
Seth's hand left Gaara's flagging erection and was licked clean before it joined the other in gripping the redhead's hip bones. Those walls were still fluttering around him, Gaara's orgasm still massaging his straining erection, and Gaara was so…so…incredible with his lips parted that way and his muscles tensing and bunching beneath his impossible skin and his voice making those little sounds and he was so not a bunshin and then he purposely clenched around him and Seth buried himself one last time before he shuddered his release, Gaara's name escaping his lips as a startled gasp, and went limp in his arms.
They remained the way they were for some time and the sand eventually drifted back to the floor, congealing into its default shape. The newly formed gourd sat unassumingly next to the door as if it had never moved at all, only the thick film of dust covering every inch of the room and the chafed furniture stood as testaments to its earlier activities.
Seth still didn't let go of Gaara and instead pressed his face against his damp chest, inhaling the rich aromas of sex and sweat and earth and…
“Cloves,” Seth murmured to himself, finally placing that vague undertone in his scent.
Gaara had no idea what cloves had to do with anything and he didn't care. But he did care when Seth slowly withdrew and carefully untangled himself from their embrace then stood up.
And then turned his back on him.
And started to leave.
Gaara's eyes widened and for a brief sickening instant, he was six years old again. And all he could see was that another person who'd claimed to care about him was leaving him, that he was about to be abandoned again, alone again. Seth was leaving even though he'd said he was important to him and even though they'd had sex and he was leaving and…
Don't leave me alone. I don't want to be alone…
Seth saw the hysteria and accusation in Gaara's eyes, felt the anguish in the painful grip he had on his wrist. He grinned tiredly, knowingly, and bent to kiss Gaara until the hysteria had faded into mild panic.
“I just need to get a towel. I'll be right back,” he said in a bright tone that suggested Gaara should've known better.
When Seth returned Gaara hadn't moved an inch, his gaze planted firmly on the door and only relaxed when the silver-haired demon was in bed next to him again gently wiping them both clean with the towel.
Seth then flopped bonelessly onto the pillows and pulled Gaara down on top of him, smiling mindlessly and still looking at him that way.
“Did it stop?” Seth asked muzzily before sleep could officially claim him.
Gaara considered the question and exhaled wearily, mind still not entirely clear but more quiet than it had been in a long time, and lay his head on Seth's chest.
“Yeah. It stopped.”
- 1
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What it Means