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The Kunoichi Guide to Getting the Guy	By : KohakuShadow Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1289 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-The Kunoichi Guide to Getting the Guy
- 1
A/N: The final cookie for GML awarded
to llyoung. Sorry this one took so long dear! Life got in the way.

The Pairing: ShikaGaara. Enjoy!

The Kunoichi Guide: 5 Steps to
Getting the Guy

It was two in the morning. Most sensible people, of course, were
fast asleep, especially when they were due to begin a three-day
journey to Konoha at 6 A.M., but Sabaku no Gaara was not most
sensible people. And so, the somewhat insensible Kazekage chose
something other than sleep to relax himself.

The volume of the television was low. He glanced out the window and
let a few grains of sand lock the door before switching the station
to one of the higher channels. Even Gaara knew this sort of thing
was something you should keep to yourself, but it was an urge he
couldn't resist when, for the first time in months, Konoha was only a
short trip away. He pulled a small box out from the back of his
closet, shuddering at the soft, masculine moans coming from the
television. Opening said box revealed a phallus about eight inches
in length with lips and ridges in all the appropriate places. He
moved back toward the couch and knelt down before the coffee table in
front of it, watching a bit of the program until the familiar warmth
pooled in his groin. It was one of those lame teacher/student
things, but he didn't mind because the student was small like he was
and the teacher not too broad—it made it easy to fantasize if
he could ignore a few choice nouns.

He looked down at the phallus. “This time I won't prepare
myself. It should be okay, since I've been practicing a lot,”
he decided, holding it up and concentrating to let his sand get a
grip on it and weasel it against his entrance. He lifted his hips
and spread his pale thighs, biting his lower lip as it pressed
inside. “Nngh...stings a little...” he muttered,
focusing once again on the porno to force himself to ignore any
discomfort. It was his last night to practice this, after all. He
wouldn't be able to while traveling with Kankuro and Temari, and
after that...

He watched the 'sensei' slide his generous member into the smaller
male's tight ass and moaned as the dildo hit deep into him as if in
synch with the video. “Aah.” The pain forgotten, he
moved it just so until the angle was right to hit his prostate. On
screen, the wanton teenager was already writhing and sobbing against
the older man. Gaara ignored their faces, focusing on where they
were joined, the way the larger male toyed with the slender youth's
nipples as their hips shifted together and focused on making his own
toy begin to move. The sand kept a tight grip on the end, pulling it
out and pushing it in again. Gaara bit his lip once more, and again.
He moaned.

The chuunin exams had come around once more. He'd been indifferent
to them at first, but now that he was kazekage he'd grown a sincere
appreciation for them. Konoha was a central location, so it was rare
that they were held in another ninja village and that was fine by
Gaara. Any time he could find an excuse to go to Konoha, it gave him
an excuse to see him. Until
now, it had been the sort of seeing that involves distance and never
making eye contact, but this time, he'd decided, things would be
different. He couldn't possibly mess it up. That magazine he'd
found told him exactly what to do.

“Nggh—aah...” he moaned again, hands fisted on the
wood of the table, barely able to hold his head upright as he
concentrated some more sand into the shape and general size of the
hand he really wanted to be touching him and made the fingers wrap
around his groin and stroke his member in time with the phallus now
moving quickly in and out of his ass, pounding into his prostate.
Thoughtlessly he began to rock his hips against it, eyes half lidded
and the actions of the porno on the television screen taking on a
blur. That was fine—his fantasy took over. He imagined large
hands sliding over his chest and ribs, one pausing on his hip and the
other taking his cock in hand. A husky, masculine voice moaned his
name and a large, heated member pounded in and out of his ass. Dark
hair tumbled across the man's strong jaw and he reached up to touch
it...

...right then his orgasm overtook him and the sand pounded the dildo
into him thrice more. Gaara shot his seed out onto the floor with a
throaty rasp. “A-hahh! Shikamaru..!” He shuddered a bit
as the last of his orgasm seeped out and fell limp against the table,
eyes falling closed as he tried to regain his breath, sand returning
to its gourd and dildo slipping out of him to fall to the floor with
a barely audible thud.

He buried his face against his arms.
This time was going to be different. Temari was friends with
Shikamaru now and last time they'd met he hadn't seemed nearly as
afraid of the red head as he used to be. 'This time, I'll
definitely get him to like me.'

--

Shikamaru stripped out of the day's
clothes. There had been a lot of preparation to do, but even if it
was troublesome, he was glad it was over with. He'd even had to
clean house. Tsunade had informed him that one of the sand nin would
be staying with him since so many people were in the village to
observe the final stage of the exams this time around. It seemed as
if Konoha got more and more crowded with each passing season for this
sort of event. 'Gaara, huh?'
he thought. Well, he supposed that was the best choice. Temari was
too bossy and Kankuro was too...well, obnoxious, if you asked the
Nara's not quite humble opinion. He would just have to request that
Gaara not stare at him in his sleep, or something, if the red-head
still didn't sleep, because if that was the case then Shikamaru was
sure he wouldn't be able to either. It was the only thing he really
could say against Gaara these days anyway, so he supposed he'd gotten
stuck with the lesser of evils, at least.

He stretched with a sigh and decided to wind down a bit, turning on
the tv—one of the higher channels that was just really dirty at
this hour sounded good. Gaara would be staying with him for a few
weeks, most likely, so while porn wasn't really one of Nara
Shikamaru's frequent pastimes, he figured if he wasn't going to be
able to masturbate while the sand nin was sharing his place, he'd
better try to get any latent hormones dealt with beforehand.
Besides, it would be a good way to relax; he'd had a rough day.

He flopped onto the couch
exhaustively and stared at the television in disinterest for a few
moments. It was one of those lame teacher/student things. Well, the
student was nice to look at, he decided. 'Little guys
really are just too cute, and anyway, nobody watches porn for the
plot.' He watched the young man
writhe at the attention. 'If I use my shadows, I can claim
I did some training today and Asuma can't gripe at me,'
he thought idly. Well, what the hell? Shadow masturbation sounded
like it could be interesting. He could practically sleepwalk his way
through this sort of jutsu anyway, and concentrated on forming ten
fingers, all in the appropriate places. The middle of the night was
perfect for this sort of thing; with no lights on the flickering
glow of the television cast long shadows across his calves. It took
almost no chakra at all to move one up, caressing the inside of his
thigh, to wrap around his hardening member as he watched the teacher
rather remorselessly ram into the student, who arched wantonly. 'Not
very realistic.' Well, it was
probably a sequel to some lame porn about the student sleeping around
with every male classmate he had. It was the only reason the
teenager wouldn't show even the slightest hint of pain at being
penetrated so roughly, not that pain was really all that much of a
turn on for the Nara, mind you. 'You're really
over-thinking this, Nara,' he
informed himself. 'Can't even seem to turn my brain off
long enough to enjoy jerking off. Honestly. I suck.'

He let his eyes drift closed a moment, focusing on the physical
sensations of the cool shadow coiling around his turgid cock, moving
the other 'hand' up his body to slide over his stomach and chest,
twitch about his nipples and caress his face and neck. That was more
like it; lazy, slow, measured. A fast fuck wasn't exactly worthless,
but just as in all things the Nara preferred to take his time. He
imagined a small, slender body in his lap, gently touching,
exploring, carefully lowering itself over his member and rocking slim
hips. A soft moan escaped, finding his dream lover considerably more
appealing than the rough and tumble nonsense on the television.
Shaggy red hair brushed his collarbone and the connection to Gaara
was instant, but it was too late to correct the slip in his thoughts
as he let out a startled cry and climaxed suddenly.

The Nara took a few deep breaths and
leaned forward, elbows on knees, panting softly as the last of the
orgasm wound down. 'It's just because he's going to be
here in a few days. It's not like...I don't think of him that way,
or anything. Right?' Sure, Gaara
was cute, but, come on! Get real!

--

Gaara pulled out the magazine article when he was certain neither of
his siblings were looking. If he told Kankuro he was interested in
Nara Shikamaru he was sure his older brother would look at him like
he was crazy. If he told Temari he was positive she would start
laughing uncontrollably and not stop for at least an hour. No, this
was definitely something he had to do without their help.

'Let's see. What was that first thing again?'

The Kunoichi Guide to Getting the Guy

#1. Flirt. Smile and make eye contact. Start a conversation.
Flatter him and try to get him to talk about himself.

'That one sounds pretty easy,' Gaara
decided. 'I can do this.'
He tucked the article away just as Temari turned around.

“You're sure you don't need me to walk you there?” she
asked. “Last time you said you knew how to get somewhere you
didn't get there until three hours later.”

“It was far away,” Gaara frowned.

“...it was five blocks...”

“I know how to get there!” Gaara proclaimed. She'd
gotten into the habit of teasing him a lot lately. He was rather
certain he disliked it but strangely certain he didn't want to kill
her for it, just maybe maim her a little...later.

“Okay okay,” Temari laughed. “Then I'm off to
Ten-ten's. I'll stop by Nara's later to see if you made it alright.”

“You don't have to,”
Gaara protested. Kankuro had made a b-line for Kiba's the moment
they entered the village. He was long since out of sight, and now as
his older sister rounded the corner he frowned a little. 'Let's
see,' Gaara thought. 'I
think it was above a bakery...'

...Two
Hours Later...

Gaara knocked on the second story apartment, hoping upon hope that he
got the right place this time. He'd already guessed wrong three
times. Who knew one village could have so many bakeries with
apartments above them! The mail was still sitting in the box and
there looked to be about two days worth of it. That was a good sign.
Shikamaru was lazy and probably wouldn't bring in his mail until the
box was ready to burst, right?

Shikamaru opened the door. “I was expecting you a while ago,”
he said. “Well, whatever, come on in.” Temari had told
him all about Gaara's tendency towards getting lost in unfamiliar
places anyway. He stepped to the side to let the redhead in when
what had to be the creepiest smile he'd ever seen in his life crossed
Gaara's face. It drained the blood right out of his face. Gaara's
teeth were showing and he'd locked the Nara's eyes. It made
Shikamaru feel like he was about to laugh maniacally at any given
moment, but Gaara didn't. Instead, he stepped inside and even said,
“sorry to intrude” the way Kankuro had told him was 'good
manners.' But that creepy smile had made Shikamaru's spine freeze and
his lungs turn to jello for an extended moment before he managed to
shake it off.

“Ah, right,” he answered after a pause.

Okay, so that was the smile and eye contact, now he had to try
flattery. But what could he say? What would be considered a good
thing to say in this situation? “Every time I see you, your
hair looks more and more like a pineapple,” he said after some
careful deliberation. After all, the Nara had to
be going for that look, right? Maybe fruit-shaped ponytails were
fashionable in Konoha. Gaara had never paid much attention to
fashion in Sunagakure, let alone someone else's village, so he made
an assumption that Shikamaru wanted people to look at his head and
think of exotic fruit.

The Nara blinked once, then pinched
the bridge of his nose. It was going to be a long week. He stared
at Gaara for an extended moment. 'Hey, he's looking at me
for a long time. Did that work?'
Gaara wondered. His hopes were thwarted when the Nara said, “listen,
if you're going to be staying here for a while, the least you can do
is try not to deliberately tick me off. It's not my fault that I
have a gravity-defying ponytail, and while you're at it, wipe that
creepy grin off your face, would you?”

No, Shikamaru was no longer afraid of Gaara, especially not when the
red-head—in less than five minutes—had managed to get on
his nerves. Now he was paranoid about his hair, something he rarely
gave any thought. Did it really look that much like a tropical
fruit? Augh!

Gaara's features dropped into a
frown instantly. '...I did it wrong. He's mad.'

“I knew this was going to be troublesome,” Shikamaru
muttered under his breath. “Anyway, put your stuff wherever,
so long as it's somewhere I'm not going to trip over it I really
don't care. Anyway, I need to run to get a few groceries, so I'll be
back in a little while.”

“I'll come!” Gaara said suddenly. Wasn't that one of
those things on the list?

Shikamaru sweat-dropped a bit. “It's not really all that
exciting...”

“But...”Gaara needed a quick excuse. What should he say?
Oh! “It's because I don't know my way around Konoha that well.
Every time I come they've added more buildings and streets,
and...Temari makes fun of me when I get lost too badly.”

Okay, the Nara decided, that was kind of cute. It almost made up for
Gaara's cruel comment about his hair a moment ago. Almost. “Fine,”
Shikamaru sighed. “But it's not like we're going far. I just
need milk, eggs, and a few other basic things.” The Nara could
get by on whatever scraps he happened to have in the cupboards
mostly, but if he was going to have company then he had to at least
have the basics. He knew his manners—as troublesome as manners
were. Give me a minute to find my shoes.”

The Nara disappeared into the bedroom and Gaara took the chance to
quickly check the article in his pocket:

The Kunoichi Guide to Getting the Guy

#2. Spend time with him. Even the smallest thing is a chance to
get to know one another better. A simple trip to the grocery store
can open up any number of conversations (and you'll get to learn what
sort of foods your guy likes, so pay attention!)

Grocery store? They were going to the grocery store! Okay! This
time he wasn't going to mess up. He was even going to the place they
suggested. He stuffed the article back into his pocket as Shikamaru
came back out, hopping a bit to wiggle his heel into a pair of worn
black nin sandals.

“Alright,” he said. “If you insist on tagging
along, then let's go.”

Gaara was quick to follow the Nara out of the apartment and noticed
he had to walk a little faster to keep up with the brunette's long
strides. 'He's upset. I really messed that last one up,'
Gaara thought.

In reality Shikamaru's thoughts at
the moment had nothing to do with the red-head. 'It's 4
o'clock. The grocery is going to be packed and we'll have to wait on
a long line, probably. The girl there always gets confused and
stressed out when there are too many customers and messes up when she
rings the order, so I'm going to have to pay close attention. I'd
wait until tomorrow morning when it won't be as crowded, but I've got
nothing in the cupboards but instant ramen and all that's in the
freezer are popsicles that have been there since last summer. For me
it's fine to just go out to eat, but if I have company then it's
inevitable; I can't avoid it. Sigh. What a pain.'
“...are there any foods you don't like?” he asked after
a silence that only Gaara thought was tense.

“Ah...vegetables...” Gaara answered. “Especially
broccoli.”

Shikamaru smirked slightly and shook
his head. “No wonder you're so short,” he joked a little
as revenge for the earlier hair comment. Gaara took it personally
and started getting worried that maybe Shikamaru didn't like guys so
much shorter than him. He didn't know when he'd become so neurotic,
but he just couldn't stop himself from worrying over small,
nonsensical details now that he'd decided he was going to
win Shikamaru over this time if it killed them both.

His already pale skin blanched though when he saw the crowds at the
market. “Is it...always like this?” he asked.

“There's a reason I wait until the last possible moment to
come,” Shikamaru answered. “Let's just get this over
with.” He frowned at the empty spot where the shopping baskets
were supposed to be. Ugh. “Well, I guess it's good you came
after all. You can help me carry things.”

Shikamaru was too lazy to look up at the signs on the isles so they
ended up meandering up and down each isle, which actually, was
probably more work, but Gaara wasn't complaining because it meant
they would be there longer. Neither of them said much. Shikamaru
grabbed a dozen eggs and a loaf of bread and dropped a box of cookies
in Gaara's hands. Their fingers brushed and something about it made
both of them blink and exchange a strange expression that neither
could quite explain.

“Do you like milk?” Shikamaru asked. “I don't want
to buy too much. It's too troublesome when it goes bad.”

Gaara nodded. “I like it,” he said. “It's hard to
get in Sunagakure, but Naruto gives me some when I'm here.”

Shikamaru nodded. “Fine, then you'd better make sure to drink
it,” he said, grabbing a gallon. He never bought so much, but
he liked to have it for cereal and cookies at the very least, and if
Gaara would drink it too it was also troublesome to have to run out
again to get more. Life in general was just troublesome, it seemed,
as far as Nara Shikamaru was concerned.

When they finally got to the register Shikamaru told the girl, “I'll
save you the trouble. It's $26.21. Here.”

The girl blinked at him as he deposited $26.25 on the counter. “Keep
the change. Pennies are troublesome,” he said, bagging his own
purchases and lightly grabbing Gaara's wrist to pull him out of the
crowd.

Under his sand armor, Gaara blushed. Shikamaru seemed testy, but he
was pretty sure it wasn't his fault this time. And he didn't think
he'd messed anything up terribly, but as the Nara entered his
apartment again and kicked off his shoes he didn't feel as if they'd
gotten any closer either. “I have an appointment with the
Hokage to keep, so when I come back I'll make something to eat,
alright? I should only be about an hour.”

Gaara nodded and Shikamaru put the
groceries away quickly before slipping grudgingly back into his shoes
and heading for the door. Once it closed behind him the redhead
pulled out the article again. 'That one didn't really
help. I'll try the next one.'

The Kunoichi Guide to Getting the Guy

#3. Remember the old adage: the way to a man's heart is through
his stomach! A man likes a good, home-cooked meal, so treat him to
some of his favorite foods to win him over!

'Cook, huh? Well, I've watched Temari do it a million times, how
hard can it be?' Gaara thought.
Shikamaru would be back in an hour. That should give him plenty of
time, and they'd just bought groceries. He chewed his lip in thought
and then pulled out the eggs and some rice and a package of beef.
Temari made this kind of thing for him sometimes. He fumbled through
the cupboards until he found some pots and pans. 'This one
gets filled with water,' he
remembered, filling one pot with hot water and turning on the stove,
filling the pot with pasta, then turning on the flame under a frying
pan and dropping the slab of beef in it right out of the package. He
thought about it and then decided to be 'smart' and use the same pan
for the eggs, which he crushed and dropped in with the meat. The
shells also fell into the pot, but he couldn't remember whether he
was supposed to eat those or not and decided it would be okay.

The water boiled over, he flipped the meat only once it started
smoking terribly, and half of the eggs caked onto the pan. He
decided rather than finding the oven mitts, to prevent from being
burned, he'd use his sand techniques to drain the water off and mix
all the food together. There's no guarantee he didn't accidentally
leave any behind, but Gaara thought, as he put it in a large bowl and
drowned it all in soy sauce, that he'd done well and was very proud
of himself.

When Shikamaru came in the table was set and ready. “I cooked
dinner,” Gaara said.

Shikamaru blinked. With so much soy sauce, he couldn't really tell
what a horrible idea it was to eat such a thing. “Oh. Great.
Thanks,” he said, kicking off his shoes.

Gaara felt that he'd done something right, finally. Shikamaru had
just thanked him. The Nara sat down at the table and took his
chopsticks to the dish, taking his first bite only to spit it out
instantly after, coughing and downing green tea that was mostly just
boiled water and burning his tongue as he fumbled to his feet,
choking a bit. “Are you trying to kill me!?” he
protested, filling a glass of tap water and guzzling it down. It was
the most horrible thing he'd ever tasted and he wasn't sure he was
going to survive the experience.

Gaara's face dropped at the
accusation. He screwed up again?
“I-I'm not!” he protested. “It's no good?”

“What the hell is it supposed to be?” Shikamaru asked in
return, still having a minor fit at being tricked into eating
something so horrible. “The noodles are half-cooked, the meat
is burnt to cinders, and I can't even discern what else is in there.”

“...eggs...” Gaara said with a frown, looking down at his
hands. “I...thought it would be nice to cook for you since I'm
staying here and...”

Shikamaru, his initial reaction fading to a slight disgust, sighed.
Okay, so Gaara was trying to sort of say thank you or something, in
his weird little way. He could forgive him, since the food hadn't
actually killed him.
“Listen, forget it, okay? Let's just throw this out and
clean up. It's not to late to go to Ichiraku, I guess.”

On the one hand, Gaara felt horrible. On the other, going to
Ichiraku was kind of like going on a date, even if Shikamaru didn't
know it. The Kazekage nodded and after the mess was cleaned up and
the foul-scented trash taken out, Gaara looked up at the brunette and
asked, “Shikmaru...ah, if you cook sometime again while I'm
here...would it be too troublesome if I watched and you showed me
how?”

Shikamaru blinked. It still surprised him that even Gaara could have
such a cute side. “...if I'm doing it anyway then sure,”
he answered. “It's way less troublesome to show you how to
make a few things than to get sick over one of your failed attempts.”

Gaara looked down with a slight frown. He'd started liking
Shikamaru...when had it been? Around the time Sasuke had run off.
Yeah, when he'd stopped being so insane, a little while after his
fight with Naruto. It was because Shikamaru was so straight-forward.
All his life, people had been afraid of him and Shuukaku. They
walked on the other side of the street, slipped poison in his tea,
tried through subterfuge to get rid of him and not acknowledge him as
a human being. Shikamaru wasn't like that. He just plainly said
'You know, you're a pretty creepy guy, but as long as you don't try
to kill me, I guess we can find a way to tolerate one another.' It
was from about then. Shikamaru didn't hide the fact that he was
afraid of him and gradually that fear disappeared. Now he
straight-forwardly said that Gaara's cooking was terrible. It hurt
his feelings a little, but it also made him a little happy—because
this is the sort of guy he'd fallen in love with. Nara Shikamaru was
a strategic genius, but that didn't necessarily mean he was a
deceptive person. Gaara appreciated the openness and that
appreciation had blossomed into what he was positive must be love.
There was no other word that could describe these feelings.

Shikamaru noticed the redhead was moping and said, “hey, don't
let it get to you too much. You're Kazekage, and you're an
incredibly strong ninja, right? So you can't cook. That's just
proof that you're human.”

Gaara's pale eyes widened in wonder up at the Nara. “Proof
that I'm...human?” he asked.

“Sure,” Shikamaru answered casually. “You know,
because nobody's perfect.”

Gaara blinked. It was the first time anyone had ever called him
'human'. Shikamaru didn't think of him as a monster. Sure, he knew
he wasn't actually a monster, but so many people had thought that way
that hearing it so positively that he wasn't from the guy he liked
caused a strange little explosion in his chest. “Shikamaru...”

“Hm?” the Nara asked, pausing and looking down at the
red-head, not realizing he'd said anything out of the ordinary.

“You...really think of me like that? As human?”

Shikamaru gave Gaara a look like he was out of his mind. “How
else would I think of you?” he asked frankly.

Gaara blushed so brightly that it showed faintly through the sand
armor. “A-arigatou...”

'That's...a really cute expression,'
Shikamaru thought. 'This guy. Where did he pick up such
cute personality traits. He used to be so creepy.'
“It's not something you need to thank me for. You and Naruto
are the same, right? You're just good guys who had bad stuff happen
to them. If you think about it logically, that's all there is to it.”

Gaara's heart thumped a little. Shikamaru was such a great guy. Why
was he the only one who seemed to notice it?

“What kind of ramen do you want?”

“Huh?” Gaara asked. He'd dazed out a little.

“Ramen,” Shikamaru said, gesturing at the special sign.
They were already standing in front of Ichiraku. “What kind do
you want? I think I'll have a #3.”

“Oh ah...” Gaara looked at the sign a moment and then
nodded. “The same kind is fine.”

The Kunoichi Guide to Getting the Guy

#4. Try a new look! Change your hair or wear a different blouse.
If he's been paying attention, he'll notice a difference, hopefully
for the better!

The Next
Morning, 7:45 AM

'I wonder if this looks good,'
Gaara thought as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He
didn't have the chance to go buy different clothes, but he could at
least try to make his hair look nicer. It normally stuck up all over
the place. Today he'd, after much effort, managed to slick it back.
'Shikamaru will definitely notice, right?'
He stepped out of the bathroom.

“I was about to call you,” Shikamaru said. “Breakfast
is going to get cold.” The Nara turned around then and blinked
twice before covering his mouth with his hand and trying not to
laugh. He failed. A snicker escaped, followed by a chuckle, and he
managed to say “what the hell happened to your head?”
before stomach wrenching laughter overtook him.

Gaara frowned. “It looks bad?” he asked.

Shikamaru, after a few moments, managed to collect himself. “Well,
kinda, yeah. It looks pretty bad,” he said, obviously still
amused.

“I...thought I would try
something different...” Gaara said, not sure whether to be glad
that Shikamaru was laughing, or upset that the shadow nin was
laughing at him.

“What for?” the Nara asked. “There's nothing wrong
with the way you normally style your hair.”

Gaara could only blink a few times. Shikamaru thought his messy hair
was okay? Really? But if that was the case then his new look was a
total failure.

The Nara shook his head. “Anyway, go put it back to normal,
I'll set the table, but be quick or your breakfast really will get
cold.”

“...Hai,” Gaara answered, disappearing back into the
bathroom to repair his apparently tragic attempt at doing something
different with his hair. Even so, as he looked at his normal
reflection in the mirror he couldn't help but hide the hint of a
smile. Shikamaru didn't think there was anything wrong with his hair
being messy all the time, and he'd laughed. Gaara didn't know if
this was even remotely close to being lovers, but he had a feeling
that at least they were sort of becoming friends. That was progress,
right? He wanted so badly to be special to the Nara and there was
only one method left that the article suggested. He opened up the
now quite wrinkled page and looked down at it:

The Kunoichi Guide to Getting the Guy

#5: Try to bond through training! Ask him to spar with you or for
some help on a technique (it doesn't matter if you're actually bad at
it as long as you fake it well!). If your guy is a nin, he'll
respect your hard work and dedication, and maybe you'll get to know
each other up close and personal!

Training! Of course! He hadn't thought of training! They were
both ninja, after all. Alright then. He felt good about this one.
When it came to ninja stuff he was confident in his abilities, so he
could definitely impress Shikamaru that way. He was sure of it.
Hair back in order, Gaara returned to the kitchen and sat down across
from the Nara. They ate quietly for a few minutes before he managed
to bring up the subject.

“...are you busy today?” he asked.

Shikamaru blinked. “Not that busy,” he answered after
swallowing a bite of egg. “Why? Something on your mind?”

“I thought—if you weren't busy—maybe you'd be
willing to train with me a little?” Gaara said, staring down at
his plate and shoving his food around it awkwardly.

'He's got to stop doing such cute stuff...'
Shikamaru thought. 'Or I'll get strange ideas.'

“Well, training is kind of a pain, but I guess I should do some
anyway,” he answered at last. “We can go to the training
field after we eat.”

Gaara nodded because he didn't know whether he should say 'that's
good' or 'thank you' or whatever other derivative phrase was
appropriate in this situation.

Two Hours
Later...

Shikamaru wheezed and tried to get some air back into his lungs,
nursing a bloody nose. 'This guy...'

Gaara sat down next to him, deducing
that training was over around the time Shikamaru had declared
“enough, I quit! Damn sadist.”

“Have I done something in particular to piss you off, or do you
just hate me on principle?” the Nara asked wiping at his nose
one last time to make sure the bleeding had stopped. The only other
possibility was that Gaara just had no restraint at all and didn't
understand the difference between training and actual battle;
Shikamaru didn't think the Kazekage could possibly be that stupid.

Gaara blinked. “I...don't hate you...” he said. Shikamaru
thought he hated him? He must have done something really wrong! That
wasn't the case at all! “I...”

“You what?!” Shikamaru demanded, frustrated. “Are
you using me as a test dummy for reverting to homicidal maniac or
something? You give me creepy smiles, try to poison me, and when that
doesn't work you resort to beating me to a pulp!” he declared.
“I thought we'd get on pretty well while you were staying here,
but so far I can't figure out if you're trying to torture me or kill
me,” he complained with an exasperated sigh.

Gaara frowned. “It's, none of those things,” he said
quietly. “It's because I...”

“Never mind,” Shikamaru answered. “Whatever it is
I don't need to know. Let's just stay out of each other's way.
Maybe Tsunade will approve for you to stay with Naruto. I think you'd
get on better there. You like
him.”

“But I...” Gaara stuttered, feeling horrible under the
weight of Shikamaru's words. He'd done it all wrong! Again! And
there were no tips left so now he was left to figure it out on his
own. He tried to think of what he could possibly do the entire way
home, keeping a good dozen paces behind the Nara, and when they got
there he made what seemed to be another horrible decision. He
slammed the Nara into the wall with a large hand-shaped pile of sand
and held him there. Surprised and winded, the Nara could only blink
for a moment and by the time he was opening his mouth to protest,
soft lips were crushing overeagerly against his own. He was far too
startled to respond.

Noting the brunette's confusion after a moment, Gaara locked his gaze
with those pale eyes. “I like you too,” he demanded.
“More than Naruto. A lot.”

“You...” Shikamaru's mind went blank and there was
nothing intelligible that would come out, but the sand fell away and
was replaced by surprisingly warm hands as Gaara's soft lips trailed
along his jaw. It was the only way Gaara could think of to show
Shikamaru what he meant because all the subtleties had completely
failed. The lips worked up his jaw and tried to connect with his own
again, but putting it all together, Shikamaru couldn't help but start
laughing. It wasn't loud, just a chuckle, but he couldn't seem to
stop it as he lifted a hand to his face to try to cover some of his
mirth. Gaara frowned at him. “...you're laughing at me
again...” the red head complained.

“Not really,” Shikamaru said than admitted, “Yeah,
actually, I am. That's what all this nonsense was about? Following
me around, trying to cook for me? I'm still not sure what beating me
up had to do with anything but...”

“...bonding through training,” Gaara stated. “But
I think I did it wrong. It didn't work.” He pulled Shikamaru's
hand down and the Nara met the most earnest black-rimmed gaze in the
universe. Gaara leaned up and tried to kiss him again but Shikamaru
stopped him.

“Why me?” the Nara asked.

“Because,” Gaara frowned again. “If I think about
all the things I don't like about people, and then think about all
the things I do like about people,” he tried to explain his
completely illogical feelings and paused, finding that had been a
false start. “You're all the things I like about people,”
he stated plainly. “Do you hate me?”

So. Cute. And this incredibly cute, if kind of ditzy guy liked him.
It was almost too much for the Nara to wrap his brain around, but
Gaara was not intent to give him time to think about it, apparently,
because as he was waiting for an answer the redhead started kissing
his jaw again, and this time Gaara got a little friskier and the Nara
jumped a bit when one of the Kazekage's small hands cupped his groin,
the other making quick work of unzipping his vest. “G-Gaara!”
he exclaimed in surprise. But no matter how he looked at it it was a
pleasant surprise. Gaara gave his earlobe a little bite. “I
want you to like me,” Gaara said when the shadow nin didn't
answer. “I want you to like me and to be happy to see me, and
to do dirty things with me. A lot,” he continued, hands moving
to swiftly pull down the waistline of the Nara's pants and expose his
most shameful parts to the world.

Shikamaru knew he had to snap out of his daze, but before he could
speak Gaara knelt down in front of him and took his now bared cock in
both hands. He was half-hard already even if the situation was
bizarre and he hissed in pleasure, eyes wide as Gaara, one hand
cupping his balls and the other tilting his shaft, stared at his cock
as he stroked it and started licking the head as if he'd fantasized
about doing so ten billion times. The redhead seemed intent on
molesting a response out of him and started bobbing his head up and
down the shaft.

“G-Gaara...” Shikamaru said around a strangled moan,
causing the red head to look up, pulling his mouth away. He hadn't
imagined Gaara to have a single perverted thought in his head, let
along being someone who would just yank your pants down and start
sucking you off to get a response from you. “Why...” He
couldn't get a lucid sentence out when watching such a gorgeous young
man watching him with his cock in his mouth though. “Nngh...”

Gaara pulled back to answer, but
left his hands in place. “Because when I masturbate you're the
person I think about,” Gaara blanketed again, hand stroking the
Nara's now quite firm erection. “And when I think about you,
it makes me want to masturbate. I'm bad with explaining things
so...I'll show you how much I like you.” He leaned forward,
eagerly licking the Nara's head again and taking the large cock back
into his mouth, both hands moving to cup the Nara's rear end as he
carefully eased the brunette's cock down his throat. 'It's
bigger than the practice dildo. I hope I can get it all in on the
first try...'

Shikamaru shuddered and pulled Gaara off of him. “Nngh, stop
already...I get it...”

“But I don't want to,” Gaara complained a little as the
Nara dropped to his knees in front of him.

Shikamaru looked at Gaara for a long moment before deciding 'to hell
with it'. There was no point over-thinking things once your pants
were already down. Gaara was such an adorable guy, who liked him
enough to not only humiliate them both, but to get desperate enough
to try to win him over with his body. Sweet, and socially inept, and
just his type. The Nara remembered the accidental fantasy he had the
night before the red head arrived and gave in, leaning in for a kiss:
Gaara eagerly returned it. “I get it,” Shikamaru
repeated against the sand nin's lips, sliding a hand down to cup
Gaara's groin and finding it was already painfully erect just from
sucking him off. Gaara shuddered and moaned a little. “Shikamaru...”
he rasped out, his own hand coming to the Nara's bared flesh and
stroking it in return.

“I understand already,”
the Nara said. “So...it shouldn't be so one-sided.” He
slipped his hand into Gaara's pants as he used the other to unbutton
Gaara's shirt. Gaara's answer was to grip the Nara's member more
firmly and stroke harder. Shikamaru grit his teeth against the
influx of pleasure. 'He's so eager. Gods that's a huge
turn on...but, is this going too fast?'

Gaara didn't seem to think so, crushing their lips together again as
the Nara worked him out of his shirt. He used one hand to yank his
own pants down to his thighs, hips already eagerly thrusting against
Shikamaru's hand.

Shikamaru let his head wander down further and let his tongue swirl
around a nipple, moaning against it when Gaara's nail found the
sensitive tip of his thick head. Finding that Shikamaru seemed to
like it, the redhead abused it more thoroughly, moaning in delight
when the Nara responded by properly sucking his nipple and increasing
the pace of his strokes.

Much to Shikamaru's surprise, Gaara arched hard and climaxed
prematurely, white seed splattering out against the black shirt he
was still wearing. That in itself though had a sort of amusing charm
though. Shikamaru just couldn't resist 'adorable ukes' at all.
“Already?” he asked with a smirk as he sat back, pulling
the garment off and out of the way. Gaara watched with eager eyes,
taking in every dip and curve in the shadow nin's flesh from the way
his biceps curled as he removed his shirt to the taught abdomen and
dusky nipples.

“I can do more,” Gaara insisted even though he was still
a little breathless. “Lots more. I practiced.”

The last comment made Shikamaru's cheeks color. “You...practiced..?”

Gaara nodded. “With a phallus. Every night, so I would be able
to make you feel good,” Gaara answered point blank. “I
did it a lot of times. I'll be hard again soon, I promise, so don't
stop, please?”

Shikamaru had never known Gaara to be so talkative. Maybe it was
because Gaara didn't trust people that he was quiet. You know, one
of those guys who only really opens up to people he really likes. Or
maybe he was just nervous and eager so sentences came spilling out as
he hoped and prayed the Nara didn't lose interest because he'd gotten
off too quickly. Whichever was true, the talking stopped as Gaara
leaned forward to crush their lips together in another over-eager
kiss.

'He...fantasized about me...every night? Masturbated thinking
about me every night. Multiple times?'
The absent-minded admission was a serious turn on and the Nara cut
the kiss short, pushing Gaara back against the floor gently. Okay,
so ideally they would take this to the bedroom, but Gaara had gotten
him so riled up he didn't want to spend that long a time not touching
and molesting that slender body. He leaned down and licked a
splatter of Gaara's seed off of the redhead's hip, taking the flaccid
member in hand and beginning to rub the junction of the base and head
with his thumb. Gaara moaned. “You'd better not regret those
words,” the Nara said. “Because now that you've gotten
me all riled up you'll have to take responsibility for it.” He
leaned his head down and licked the salty sweet tip of Gaara's
member, which caused the sand nin to arch in delight and spread his
milky thighs wide so that Shikamaru's torso was resting between them.

“A-aah...” He could hardly believe it. His fantasies
were coming true. His pants remained tangled around only his left
ankle and the guy he'd been infatuated with for what seemed like
forever was licking his cock like a popsicle, teasing him into a
quick erection. He pulled the band out of Shikamaru's dark hair and
laced his fingers through the long strands, egging him on and bucking
against the Nara's face when he felt a fingernail graze his entrance.

Shikamaru pulled back now that Gaara's cock was fully erect again.
“You're really sensitive, huh?” he teased, pressing his
finger against the tight pucker but not inside. Gaara cried out a
bit and shuddered and the Nara leaned down, nibbling on the smaller
male's throat. His own pants weren't all the way off, just pooling
around his knees, but as long as all the important bits were exposed
at this point he couldn't bring himself to care. He left marks on
Gaara's collarbone that would remind the redhead of their little
tryst for days and let his middle finger slide into that pucker.

Both men moaned. “Ah, it's so warm!” Gaara proclaimed.
Well, sure, Gaara, compared to a dildo it would be. It's actual
flesh. “Nngh, god, you swallowed it up so eagerly...”
the Nara said, panting a bit at how incredibly sexy that was and
curling his finger a bit to try to find the other male's sweet spot.
There'd been no resistance at all. It was so tight around his finger
inside, but rather than resisting the penetration Gaara's hole had
seemed to devour it.

The kazekage arched and bucked against the shadow nin's hand when
Shikamaru found that spot and began to rub it a bit. “Aahn!
M-more...Shikamaru...” he begged, precum already leaking out
again. “I...don't need to be stretched s-so just put your dick
inside already...” he pleaded.

Shikamaru's member twitched at hearing Gaara of all people say such a
slutty thing. “Are you sure?” he rasped out. It was
Gaara's last chance to back down because he was positive his last
shred of resolve was melting away and even if Gaara changed his mind
halfway through, he wouldn't be able to stop. Gaara's answer was to
flip the Nara a little too roughly onto his back and position the
member at his entrance, easing it inside. He shuddered and moaned,
back arching.

“G-Gaara!”

“You were taking too long,” the redhead answered lustily.
“I've been waiting so long already,” he complained a
bit. Whatever else he'd been about to say was cut off by a deep moan
as he shifted his hips, burying the Nara in him completely. “Nnngh!
It's so big...Shikamaru...”

Shikamaru squeezed his eyes shut for
a moment to try to collect himself. Gaara had literally just impaled
himself on his cock. It seemed impossible, unreal, but it felt so
amazing. The red head was so tight around him, and yet he didn't
seem to be in any pain. That was good though. Shikamaru hated the
thought of hurting people. “Gaara...” he moaned deep in
his throat and managed to collect himself a little, lifting quivering
fingers to pinch both of the young Kazekage's nipples. Gaara
responded by moaning and swirling his hips. Shikamaru was amazed at
just how turned on he was, and himself aside, how turned on Gaara
was. 'Just how long...has he been having these sorts of
thoughts about me, anyway?' he
wondered as the sand nin began to lift his hips, then drop them down
again.

“A-aah! Shikamaru...it...hahn...it feels so good.”

Shikamaru was powerless under the force of nature that was Sabaku no
Gaara. He gave the nipples a little tug and twist that made Gaara
cry out even louder. “Gaara...aah, you're so tight...”
He began shifting his hips to meet Gaara's thrusts, which only made
the redhead more eager. Gaara lengthened the strokes and picked up
the pace, leaning forward a bit to get more leverage.

Shikamaru lifted himself up on one
elbow and licked the column of Gaara's throat, his free hand moving
from Gaara's pecks to his neglected shaft and making Gaara cry out in
bliss as he fucked himself between the Nara's hand and the large
member inside of him. 'S-so much better...than a
fantasy...' Gaara thought. Not
just a fantasy, but a dildo and late night porn didn't even begin to
live up to the real thing. He could already feel another orgasm
bubbling to the surface and his muscles began to spasm around the
turgid cock deep inside of him. “I a-aaammm,” Gaara
moaned, trying to answer. “Be...aaah! Because I've never had a
real dick inside before.”

Shikamaru's eyes widened in surprise, but no sooner had he opened his
mouth to make sure he'd heard right than Gaara slammed down hard
twice more, arched, and came again with a sharp cry, much harder and
thicker than before. The heavy orgasm pulled the Nara down with it,
and he arched up into the red head suddenly, filling him up inside.

Gaara fell against his chest breathlessly still joined. “It's
so hot inside me...” he shuddered. He'd had no idea that
feeling Shikamaru fill him would feel so amazing. He knew it would
feel good—all of Kankuro's dirty manga said so, but knowing
something would feel really good and actually feeling it were two
very, very different things.

“You really...that...just now...” Shikamaru sputtered,
cheeks flaring both with embarrassment and the afterglow. “...that
was your first time?”

Gaara nodded against the Nara's chest. “Because...it had to be
you, that's why,” he admitted quietly. “It had to
be.”

“...how long have you felt that way?” Shikamaru asked,
arms wrapped comfortably around the young man who—now that he
had a moment to think—he realized he was incredibly lucky to
have so infatuated with him.

Gaara didn't answer right away because he wasn't sure how to answer.
“From...before I understood what liking was,” he
answered. “I was fascinated by you from the beginning but...I
didn't understand my feelings right away so I thought, back then I
thought it meant you especially were someone I wanted to kill,
but...then I understood I wanted to have sex with you...and then I
realized this was 'liking'.”

Shikamaru laughed a little. “You're the only guy in the
universe who can make 'i wanted to kill you' sound sexy and romantic,
you know,” he teased. “But I like that about you.”

The ghost of a smile played over
Gaara's lips. He understood that was Shikamaru's way of saying his
feelings would be returned. They'd get to all out love confessions
later. For now he had other things in mind and, remembering all that
porn he'd watched for 'tips' started to rock his hips a little. 'If
I do it this way...he should get hard again, I think...'

Shikamaru grit his teeth at the shocks of pleasure starting to pool
in his groin again. He just came, so he shouldn't feel himself
growing again already! But he was definitely firming inside of the
sand nin. There was just something about Gaara looking down at him
so lustily, rocking his hips, sunlight playing across his pale skin,
watching his cock slowly get hard again... He took said cock in hand
and decided to help it along. “I guess if you've been waiting
long, I should know one time wouldn't be enough to satisfy you,”
he teased, forcing himself to sit up properly so he could steal a
deep kiss from the red head.

“Yes,” Gaara answered huskily between their lips,
wrapping his arms around Shikamaru's neck and adoringly running his
fingers through that mane of dark hair. “That's...nngh...how
it is. You made me wait a long time, so now...mmmnnnn, you
have...aaah...a lot of making up to do. And...because...I don't get
to stay...long when I...visit...aah...” And because having
Shikamaru inside of him for real was so much better
than the cold plastic he'd practiced with that he somehow wanted to
memorize the feeling.

“Nngh. Well, we've...got all day, at least,” Shikamaru
answered. There was something that felt like it should be wrong
about having sex in the middle of the day, but the Nara wasn't
complaining because it felt so incredibly right. Besides, he was
already hard again and Gaara was already lifting and dropping his
hips over his generous member, moaning, petite figure arching. He
leaned forward, taking one of his new lover's nipples between his
teeth, and Gaara's moans became louder as he pulled a bit on the bud,
lifting his hand to press his thumb into the other one. Gaara
shuddered, grinding his hips hard into the Nara and burying his face
into soft brown hair.

But Gaara had already climaxed on top and Shikamaru was sure he could
make the redhead feel even better. He rolled them forward so that
Gaara was on his back on the cool floor and he was on his knees above
him. Panting, he pushed Gaara's legs back and up over his shoulders
to open him up more.

When he began to thrust Gaara screamed in bliss, feeling him hit
deeper and more firmly inside of him. “Aaah! Shikamaru...nngh,
i—it feels so good...” Gaara was swept away by the
pleasure he was feeling by engaging in such acts with the Nara. He'd
suffered so much, endured so much pain, that the thought someone was
willing to give him this much pleasure was far too addicting. He had
never had much human touch, so now he craved it and was far more
sensitive to it than he should be.

Shikamaru wasn't about to complain as he wrapped his fingers around
Gaara's shaft and began to stroke him in time with his firm thrusts.

Gaara wrapped his arms around the Nara's shoulders and stole a deep
kiss. “Nngh...aah...do it faster...Shikamaru...aaah,
p-please...”

Shikamaru didn't have to be asked twice. He pounded his throbbing
member inside of Gaara's tight ass until he felt Gaara's muscles
spasming around him.

“Sh-shikaa-aaaah, I'm c-coming!” Gaara cried, back
arching hard as his seed began to shoot out between them again.

Shikamaru moaned Gaara's name, thrusting once more and loosing
another heavy load into the sand nin.

At this exact moment, the front door swung open as Inuzuka Kiba was
about to demand that Shikamaru get off his lazy ass and come out with
everyone for some barbecue.

Kiba blinked, catching the two right in the throes of a very messy
orgasm on the living room floor, eyes squeezed shut and mouths open
in pleasure. He blinked again, and closed the door quietly, turning
to his boyfriend who was standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“What is it?” Kankuro asked.

“...they can't come,”
Kiba answered. “They're busy.”

Kankuro frowned a moment as if not quite getting what Kiba was
getting at at first. “Busy?” he asked.

“Busy,” Kiba said
in a certain tone that seemed to say 'you know busy,
as in getting busy.'

Kankuro covered his mouth and laughed. “See! I knew that
article would help!” he told the dog lover. “That's how
I got you, after all.”

Kiba sweat-dropped. “Well, yeah,” he said, “but I
always gave Shikamaru credit for being smarter than me.”

“He is,” Kankuro answered. “That's why he's
getting laid and we're going out to eat with my sister.”

Kiba sighed. “It's going to be a long night, isn't it?”

Kankuro chuckled a bit. “Probably,”
he said, “but at least someone
will be enjoying it.”

~The End~
- 1
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The Kunoichi Guide to Getting the Guy