Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Icha Icha Man of Mystery	By : Araneola Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1432 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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�� There was a
hum of work and business passing through the alley-ways and narrow streets.
Persistent vendors were shouting out their wares and their
�cheaper-than-Rock-Country-dirt� prices. The slight clinking sounds of coins
could be heard, though the noise was muffled by pockets of potential customers.
The hum was punctuated with the valiant screams of triumph made by would-be
heroes as they darted back and forth, chasing imaginary bandits through the
crowds � playing a certain game of life and death ninja with their equally
energetic school friends. The arrival of the sun after days of thunderstorms
and gloom had made the village swell and sputter to life again with its
characteristic fire. Yet, with all this cheerful babble, a distinct grumbling
resembling the recent thunder could be heard coming from the entrance gates to
the village.

�Gah! I come back from another training trip stronger than
ever, and Obaa-chan keeps giving me busy jobs instead of exciting, high rank
missions escorting regional lords and princesses!�

Old hopes die hard, even for a Naruto who was now
approaching his twenties with a jounin ranking tightly within his grasp.

�How can I train to become Hokage one day if I have to sit
here all day watching the gates with you?�

Yes, he may have grown older, but Naruto maintained his
childish outbursts when he became overly frustrated. He did, however, send a
sneering glance over to his partner with that last word before sitting
unceremoniously on the cobble-stones, leaning his back against the wooden guard
station.

�Guarding the gates is an important duty for a shinobi,
Naruto! Just think of all the cute foreign women passing through these gates!�

His eyes watered in hope as Jiraiya clenched his fists
around his infamous sketchpad and imagined the scores of beautiful, young, and
scantily clad exotic women walking towards him. He gleefully hopped from foot
to foot like only an old pervert could, while thinking about what kind of� research� he could uh, do� with his erm, muses�

�Bah! It�s not that important if you can fantasize about
women and write your dirty novels, Ero-Sennin.�

Three years of training with Konoha�s Number One Pervert
before the fall of Orochimaru had taught Naruto to accept Jiraiya�s lewdness,
and so Naruto proclaimed his accusation with more boredom than actual lecture.
Naruto closed his eyes and knit his hands behind his head, intending to
daydream away his D-Rank mission with Jiraiya.

The Sannin regarded his student with a bit of surprise. The
lackadaisical manner Naruto was currently portraying reminded him of Naruto�s
other sensei� a certain Icha Icha fanatic with silver hair that had a wandering
eye almost as bad as his own. Jiraiya smirked at the thought of his currently
unhappy teammate becoming a spunkier version of Hatake Kakashi, but it was
quickly erased by the thought of his publisher and editor coming after his head
for not getting the next of Kakashi�s oh-so-treasured volume of the graphic
literature into their hands as soon as he had originally intended.

He would be safe as long as he had the excuse that doing
official missions for the great Hidden
Village of the Leaf and
its great, lovely, busty Hokage kept him from finishing his next work. Or starting it for that matter. Same thing.
The current thought train brought up a pressing issue, though. He was running
out of money for sake to bribe Tsunade with for missions that didn�t actually
require a whole lot of work. He was also running out of first-edition, signed
copies to give to an impatient, smut-deprived Kakashi who kept reminding
Jiraiya that he needed new reading material.

A fly flicked Jiraiya�s forehead.

But really, Kakashi just looked so happy when he received a
signed copy of his obsession. Sort of puppy Pakkun-like, and absolutely
impossible to resist. Jiraiya had witnessed on several occasions groups of
women practically purring with a piqued interest in the masked man when he went
away with that goofy look in his eye. It wasn�t fair. Kakashi should be kind
enough to share.

Another fly flicked his forehead. A little harder this time.

Jiraiya snapped out of his reverie to look upon the
expressionless face of one Hatake Kakashi, and one Hatake finger posed in what
must have been the most efficient finger flick position. Naruto was currently
doing his job and checking in a few kunoichi coming back from missions. Jiraiya
did some quick thinking and side-stepped his edgy fan.

�Excuse me, Kakashi, but I must� attend to� these lovely beauties.� Jiraiya wiggled his eyebrows
suggestively at the women talking with Naruto.

The youngest of the trio piped up at this moment, not quite
catching the erotic undertone to Jiraiya�s voice. �Sorry Jiraiya-sama, but we
just finished up with Naruto.� She gave him an apologetic smile and turned to
walk home, probably to shower as fast as possible.

The other women didn�t respond to Jiraiya�s comment, but
certainly took their time appreciating Kakashi�s ass as they walked away. The
Sannin inwardly groaned for his youth and prime. He looked up just in time to
catch the Copy Nin�s lone eye returning their favor. Too much a perverted gentleman to, ahem, jump on his chances, though. That thought elicited another I�m-old-and-past-my-prime sigh from
Jiraiya.

But it also sparked a bit of genius within his perverted
brain. Maybe Kakashi would share�

Seemingly from out of the dusty mist arose a new Icha Icha
hero. A masked man with a masked past. Tortured
by the past, he struggles to live in the present. On the journey for
redemption, he mercilessly slays those in his path, except for� the beautiful kunoichi
he sleeps with to forget! The main character would be slightly changed for
legal reasons of course. Perhaps two droopy puppy eyes instead of just one. Jiraiya
giggled at the thought of new smut like a crazed fangirl.

Fangirls?

That�s exactly what he needed. Lots of pretty, enthusiastic, young fangirls to make me feel younger! He
decided he might have to add a clich� romance plot into the mix to get his
future fan girls hooked on this series arc� He
searches for her, the one that had left him so long ago� but it was worth
it for his eager muses who would be screaming his name while he�

A disgruntled Kakashi broke the silence after having enough
of Jiraiya�s daydreams. �Jiraiya, when is the next-�

Sparkles lit the older man�s eyes as he interrupted the
question posed at him. �Kakashi, I�m going to make you a star.� A maniacal laughter concluded this statement as Jiraiya was
caught up in his own fit of perverted genius.

�To the Bar!� He shouted at his new Icha Icha Man of Mystery,
finger pointed dramatically to the sky, posed perhaps a little too Gai-like for
anyone to be comfortable with this sudden outburst.

Kakashi merely lifted a suspicious eyebrow at the author. A star? What, exactly, did that mean to a
perverted old man who was still cackling like an old hag? Kakashi gave a
derisive snort. But certainly, since the Sannin was going to be paying, Kakashi
would be more than happy to join him in his delusional perverted fantasies
while drinking his favorite sake at the local bar.

Jiraiya skipped down the street with his fantasy throng of
virginal, romance hungry fangirls, leaving Naruto and Kakashi to stare after
his quickly disappearing form.

Naruto gave a half-hearted grunt and a shake of his head. �I
think he�s finally lost it.�

Might as well lose
some of that money in his wallet too, then. Kakashi loved getting treated.
He loved getting treated by unsuspecting people by leaving them with the bill
even more, though. �Hokage wanted to see you, Naruto. She�s sending Izumo and Kotetsu to take over your position.� Kakashi added his
signature wave, and then poofed away from his former student to figure out what
that scheming author was up to�

Naruto was left still grumbling about having nothing but
perverted teachers his entire career, but perhaps Tsunade had a super S class
ranked mission for him to complete�!
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Icha Icha Man of Mystery