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Pervert Radar	By : MistressofDragons Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1122 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Pervert Radar
- 1
Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto or
any of the characters therein, for which, I’m sure, there are many people
rejoicing right now. I’m pretty sure, however, that ‘pervert radar’ is my own
creation. . .

Summary: A (supposedly) humorous drabble.
Iruka always knows when someone is thinking of him in
a perverted manner. On days like today he really wishes he didn’t.

Warnings: Crack. Some mildly explicit
imagery. A little bit of yaoi
and het mixed with a rather large amount of perverts,
some more likely than others. Set in an indeterminate time after the two
and a half year break.

Cyber-“Another idea that just hit me out of the blue. One of my
worst faults, really. But perhaps it will prove amusing to someone so here it
is.”

Pervert Radar

Iruka grew up an ordinary ninja in
a village with many families boasting special, and sometimes very unique, skills.
When he was a child he had sometimes wished for a special skill of his own.
Well. . .

He has discovered, in the years since, that he does have a
rather unique skill. Sadly it is most useless for a ninja and quite
embarrassing besides. Since he entered his teens he has gained the reputation
of being shy and very easily flustered at random times for no obvious reason.
He’s also come to the conclusion that just about every ninja in Konoha is also a pervert.

The reason for his tendency to become flustered and his
conclusion is simple. Iruka always knows when someone
is thinking of him in a perverted manner. He can feel it, a tingle along his
spine and a hot, flushed feeling in the pit of his stomach and a sudden,
inexplicable urge to blush. Sometimes, in the presence of a particularly strong
pervert he’ll even get half formed images and sensations dancing along the back
of his mind. He privately calls it his pervert radar.

Sometimes it is useful. Iruka
knows who the worst perverts are and can avoid them. And. .
. In the past he’s used it to determine if a potential date was interested in
him. Just a little brush on the edge of the radar means attraction and maybe a
little imagining what he looks like underneath his clothes. It helped him loose
his virginity.

But it also led him to Anko. She’s
a wonderful ninja and a beautiful woman but he should have known from the way
she dresses and the strength of the brush on his radar that going out for
drinks with her was a bad idea.
Bondage is not his thing, especially when he’s the one tied up, and truthfully
she’s just a little frightening. Especially when he’s drunk and she’s teasing
his ass with the hilt of a katana wrapped in a lubed condom while he’s tied,
very efficiently Iruka remembers, to her bed. Can he
be blamed for being skittish around her? Especially since her brushes on his
radar are very, very strong now.

And on the whole it’s a rather distracting ability. Because
proximity isn’t necessary for him to feel a brush on his radar, though it does
help him discover who, he is aware of every time anyone in Konoha
is thinking of him. And it happens at the worst times. In the
middle of the night, when he’s teaching a class, when he’s helping hand out
missions and take completed mission reports. He’s often amazed that he
can get any work done at all.

The worst, of course is days like today. On days like today
he really wishes he didn’t have this ability at all.

He was awoken in the early hours of the morning by an
overwhelmingly strong brush, complete with images. Iruka
knows he blushed from head to toe. His only consolation is that no one was
around to see it. But it had taken him quite a while to get calmed down, and
will his erection away. So he had ended up running late and eating breakfast on
the go.

He’d bumped into Asuma and Kurenai, literally, on his way to Hokage
tower. And managed to get the jam on his toast, one of his vices he admits,
dribbled down his chin. And been immediately hit by a middle
strength brush. The disturbing thing is that he can’t place which one of
them it was from, and somehow he suspects both,
and really, they’re dating now.

So, blushing and stuttering he’d apologized and ran the rest
of the way to work. It went well, for about an hour and a half. And then Kakashi had shown up to turn in his mission report, a day
late by the way and he hadn’t been working there the day before. He’s known for
a long time that Kakashi is rather perverted. And it
never fails that when Iruka is in Kakashi’s
presence he’ll get a rather strong brush from the man. Today had been no
exception.

Of course he’d blushed and been unable to meet Kakashi’s eye and managed to make a complete fool of
himself, again. And then, and he knows it’s some how Kakashi’s
fault, his hair tie just snapped. And he’d been sitting at the table blushing
and with his hair falling around his face. And he’d got hit with not one, not
two, but three simultaneous brushes, two strong enough to have images. Kakashi he’d expected, and the image of himself in the
shower with Kakashi devouring his throat and petting
his hair was. . . But for Hokage-sama to do it too
with the image of tickling her breasts with his hair, he’ll have to try that
with one of his dates sometime, and even his former student, Sakura! He knows
he blushed as least as badly as that morning. And then.
. . he’d passed out.

He’d woken up on the floor sometime later and had been
immediately assaulted by the memories. In mortification he’d buried his face in
his ‘pillow,’ and a second later discovered it was Kakashi’s
lap. It wouldn’t have been too bad if
Kakashi hadn’t done it yet again! And the image. . . Him on his knees
and, predictably, sucking Kakashi off but Kakashi had the gall to include another man taking him from
behind. He has a sneaking suspicion it was Gai and
his ass twinges at the thought. He’s never been particularly good at bottoming,
always sore for days afterwards, and Gai’s jumpsuit
shows that the man is. . . rather well endowed.

He’ll probably never know what pathetic sound he made then
but it was enough for Hokage-sama to order Kakashi to escort him home and to order him to remain in
bed the rest of the day. He would have rather avoided Kakashi
seeing his bedroom, more fuel for the perversion, and it took the man a half
hour just to leave! But when Kakashi finally did
leave he’d been able to have some tea to calm himself down and napped, pervert
free!, until lunch.

Orders or not he hadn’t been about to miss his lunch with Naruto. They had ramen, what else?,
and things had gone remarkably well until the discussion turned to how Sakura
had grown up while Naruto had been away. Naruto had started squirming uncomfortably and he noticed
that the boy was developing an erection. He’d been more amused than anything
else. That is until Naruto had squeezed his eyes shut
and whispered, “Unsexy thoughts. . .”

Whatever Iruka had expected he
certainly hadn’t expected what happened next. To Naruto’s
credit, the boy hadn’t either. For a moment, nothing, then Naruto
had made a surprised, and dismayed, squeak. And he’d felt the brush against his
radar, mild at least, but still from Naruto. But many
times more disturbing than anything Kakashi has ever
done to him because he’s viewed Naruto as a little
brother for quite a while.

The meal had ended with both of them rather flustered and
he’d decided to go to work, even though he’d been ordered not to, in order to
get his mind off things. But when he’d gotten to the academy building and was
passing a little closet next to the teacher’s lounge he’d felt another brush,
this one moderately strong, against his radar. Coming from
someone in the closet.

And curse his luck but there had been a thump and the door
swung open. Revealing Tenten, who
teaches students on their weapons work in between missions, and Neji. And they had been involved in some rather
heavy petting; Tenten’s hand had been down Neji’s pants at the time. It hadn’t been surprising that
the brush had come from Neji, he’d felt very tiny
ones from his former student before, but to fantasize about someone else while
making out with a girlfriend. . . He’d embarrassed himself with a squawk and
left as quickly as possible.

So. Officially
one of the worst days in his recent memory. But at least the day is
almost over and there’s no way it can get any worse.

Iruka sighs and slips into the
cool water. This secluded pool is one of his favorite spots to relax, even if
he does have to share it with the occasional group of bikini wearing girls, and
go for a nice swim in the summer. He swims a few laps across the deeper parts
of the pool and allows himself to fume a bit. There are too many perverts in Konoha. And why do they all have to obsess over him? He’s
not even that attractive.

Well, the next pervert that he catches fantasizing about him
will get a surprise. He’s rather sick of things. So he’s going to give
whomever, and he really hopes it isn’t Kakashi or Anko, their fantasy and catch them at it red handed. And
maybe then at least one person will leave him alone! Iruka
pauses. Ok, so he knows it isn’t rational but he’s entitled to be irrational
once and a while!

And. . . Yet another brush against
his radar, complete with the image of him, oh so slowly turning around in the
water and pulling off his shorts. Coming from the bushes
behind him. Iruka is turning around and
complying with the vision before he can even place the pervert’s identity.

And he can see the white haired man crouching in the bushes.
. . And sporting the beginnings of a nosebleed. Jiraiya-sama.
The one Naruto calls “Ero-sennin.”
And how correct that nickname is. Iruka whimpers and
blushes from head to toe.

He hates his life.

Cyber-“Heh, hurray for crack. Hope
everyone enjoyed it. Leave a review and give an opinion one way or the other
please!”
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Pervert Radar