Can't wait for chapter 2!!!
" his hot white cum meeting with her sweet nectar to form a sort of whirlwind inside of her. "
Good imagery. Little things like this are like super details. It helps readers bring to mind a certain quality of the scene. Sasuke having just cum inside her sister, and it's all a seeping sticky white froth and so on.
Beyond that, a bit short for a lemon and a bit skimpy on the fetish. Remember to play them up. Sasuke's fucking a cat girl and his own sister. That should make it in during the sex in a very descriptive and important way. Otherwise it feels like a vanilla scene.
Your worldbuilding is good too. We're told pretty clearly what the hell Hinata is, why she can do what she does, and how it's not unique to her. Sasuke and Itachi are given motivations for why they just pick her up, and she's given motive for why she stays.
You want to know what I think well I'll tell you
i think you're a piece of shit writer go choke on a horse cock you faggot
Wonderful story. It certainly looks interesting. Im hoping you continue to add more girls.