I was a little surprised the punishment wasn't the chasity belt from the first fic or at least some variation. It also seemed like narutos punishment for hinata was just an excuse for you to make hinata even more broken (by that I mean it seemed a little forced). Don't get me wrong though great chapter. You are 10x the writer I am, just trying for some constructive criticism.
this story is trash I'm not gonna lie you can write really well might I add but that doesn't really matter cause it's all trash uncle anon is right I skimmed through your stories and they're all the same. I'm not even gonna pretend to be nice point out flaws this story just sucks
This story is definitely much better than the previous incarnation, especially in terms of characterization. However, I think Naruto's reaction to Hinata's infidelity was somewhat glossed over. You have to remember that up until he was 12-13, Naruto had basically no one. And the only person who really showed any care for him, before Iruka, was the person who had to run the whole village. He also had to deal with the villagers ire, and while they didn't harm him or call him a demon, they certainly treated him like something that was better off gone. That impacts a child growing up, and I believe is one of the reasons why he was so insistent on chasing after Sasuke. A person who had become his first friend. Now, his first lover, first wife, first bearer of his children, goes behind his back and fucks his best friend. Now it's an odd situation since they were already doing it, but it was the secrecy and the betrayal that mattered there. I also personally thought the way he handled Sasuke was a bit off, "She's a beautiful woman I don't blame you for fucking her behind my back", but Naruto is kind of off when dealing with Sasuke most of the time so whatever.
I'll never understand this particular fetish or the mass of fans that enjoy it, I've skimmed through just to get a feel and I just couldn't I mean everybody's so out of whack I didn't even bother finishing the second chapter and while sasuke isn't a revenge drivin little prick he's far from this SI Gary Stu sex god you imagined but then I guess everybody tends to embellish their favorite characters anyroad I tried something new and didn't enjoy it hopefully the rest of your stories don't follow the same mold
Sasuke wouldn't touch those fugly Uzumaki/Hyuga bitches with a ten feet pole let alone fuck them. What disgusting shit.
Damn I feel sorry for naruto for this story but this is what you get when you thrust your friend toof much
For a man who can easily conquer the world with his penis...Sasuke is such a push-over. Women just bat their eyes and Sasuke relents. He needs to learn to say no...
So wait, The Sauce has the most powerfull eye(s) that can pretty much trick or brainwash anyone in the entire Narutoverse without fail, but he gets "blackmailed"? Everyone is so bizzarely OOC that it makes Evil Fuzzy's "A Lewd New World" look like canon?
Look, I get it, this is a pornfic (for free, I might add), which is used to explore new ideas while still drawing inspiration from canon. Plus, you write decent lemons and you update regularly, which already puts you ahead of 90% of the community, but dear lord, your stories are formulaic as hell, even the ones not featuring Sasuke as the main character. On top of that, If there's anything that's more cringe-worthy than NINO (Naruto-In-Name-Only) stories where Naruto greases everyone's mother and their dog, its Sasuke with the wanker-knob cranked up to 11.
Its even more bizzare, as in many of your fics, your Sasuke runs a weird gamut of OOC. This ranges from being extremely charismatic, using Kage-Bushin like a E-rank jutsu, being openly emotional, having jinchuuriki/Kisame level stamina, being a great conversationalist, and inspiring devotion and friendship. Sound familliar? You've done, perhaps inadvertently, what other authors (aptly named "Narutards") do when they give Naruto the Sharingan, a black outfit, a sword, and terrible bedside manner. These "new" characters are pretty jarring and make it awkward to read even fairly short fics.
Look, at the end of the day, its your idea, your fic. But like anyone who puts up any peice of writing, art or music in a public forum, it will be subject to opinions and critique. And if authors try to handwave critique by saying "It's just a pornfic, its not that serious!" or "lol, u mad, bro??", then I begin to suspect their efforts may be thinly disguised bash-fics.
Pretty solid story so far. I'm likin the slower build up to the story. It makes it unique from a lot of the other stories that are done with this type of format. Great job my dude. Still holdin out hope that you'll someday do a Sasuke X Multiverse harem fic lol.
This story sucks