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November 7, 2011 at 12:00 AM
so the first sentance confused me and i found out why, the word relished doesn't mean what you think it means http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/relished
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March 27, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I really hope there will be more. I LOVE what you did with this. It was interesting to read and fantastic new idea. I just... would LOVE to see more.
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March 15, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Oh my gosh you updated!!
I read this story years ago - back when it hadn't gotten further than the camp. So we hadn't seen Kakashi or Sasuke yet.
*squeeee* I'm so happy!
I really like how the boys are growing up and the parents are hilarious. Lee is the best and oh lord... Itachi is my favourite character.
I'm so glad that the boys are able to come back together after so many obstacles. It really shows how strong the friendship is.
Oh the poor parents...
I read this story years ago - back when it hadn't gotten further than the camp. So we hadn't seen Kakashi or Sasuke yet.
*squeeee* I'm so happy!
I really like how the boys are growing up and the parents are hilarious. Lee is the best and oh lord... Itachi is my favourite character.
I'm so glad that the boys are able to come back together after so many obstacles. It really shows how strong the friendship is.
Oh the poor parents...
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April 15, 2010 at 12:00 AM
OMFG YES!!!!!!!!!! It's about time too. Love you lots, can't really saying thing at the moment, still suffering from fangirl syndrome. *huggles*
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February 9, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Hey good for you u got me to cry!! Hope u update asap
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January 17, 2010 at 12:00 AM
awww *hugs Sai* poor baby ^_^ I love him don't make him an outcast he's already a mute rofl
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November 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
This... fic... issofreakingawesum!
Whew, sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. I'm enjoying this story very much and even though the 'pedophilia' tag should have scared me off your writing style and realism kept me hooked. The way you pay attention to the surroundings and what's taking place and carefully describing the environment to the reader are a few things I want to encourage you to keep doing. I love the individual quirks you've given to each boy and, as a former art student myself, I'm more drawn to Sai (Get it... drawn to Sai.. ha ha... yeah >.>)
The families that they ended up with were perfect for the orphans and also mirrors the relationships they share in the manga so it doesn't seem as if you randomly placed each boy with an adopted father. I'm glad you wrote Kakashi in there and doubly relieved that he really isn't a 'Kiddy Fiddler' and I must say that I was awed by Iruka's attack, not because it's out of character, far from it, it's such a believable reaction to the situation. It shows his aggressive, protective side so he doesn't appear lax or ineffectual (even though I'm guilty of writing him like that alot).
As good as your story is I would suggest getting a beta-reader. It's legible but some words and phrases are not easy to follow and I found I had to re-read a sentence a few times to understand who was the speaker or active character. I'm not trying to bash your story or writing style because they're both amazing but I just wanted to point that out to you.
Great art gallery by the way and I hope you get alot more fanart for your story, especially of Gaara and Lee, they're so cute together. I know first hand how demanding college can be but I really hope you update soon.
Whew, sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. I'm enjoying this story very much and even though the 'pedophilia' tag should have scared me off your writing style and realism kept me hooked. The way you pay attention to the surroundings and what's taking place and carefully describing the environment to the reader are a few things I want to encourage you to keep doing. I love the individual quirks you've given to each boy and, as a former art student myself, I'm more drawn to Sai (Get it... drawn to Sai.. ha ha... yeah >.>)
The families that they ended up with were perfect for the orphans and also mirrors the relationships they share in the manga so it doesn't seem as if you randomly placed each boy with an adopted father. I'm glad you wrote Kakashi in there and doubly relieved that he really isn't a 'Kiddy Fiddler' and I must say that I was awed by Iruka's attack, not because it's out of character, far from it, it's such a believable reaction to the situation. It shows his aggressive, protective side so he doesn't appear lax or ineffectual (even though I'm guilty of writing him like that alot).
As good as your story is I would suggest getting a beta-reader. It's legible but some words and phrases are not easy to follow and I found I had to re-read a sentence a few times to understand who was the speaker or active character. I'm not trying to bash your story or writing style because they're both amazing but I just wanted to point that out to you.
Great art gallery by the way and I hope you get alot more fanart for your story, especially of Gaara and Lee, they're so cute together. I know first hand how demanding college can be but I really hope you update soon.
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August 31, 2009 at 12:00 AM
This is a nice change from the usual. I can not wait to read more!
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May 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I'm going to start this with a "this is the best you've done yet" and really you have done much better in this chapter than others. The scenery unfolded for me much easier in this chapter than in previous chapters. I'm very proud to see you improving! Seeing as you gave me credit I suppose I can be proud now. :D I'm very glad that I have stuck it through to now. The plot is unfolding very well good job. And really thanks to your beta as well.
There was a few things missed, there was a couple times that you repeated a name, ex:Gaara is Gaara is sitting.(No not this exactly.) I do this all the time when I'm in the flow of writing and it's all coming to me and you pause and then you start writing again. You kind of forget where you were in the sentence so you tend to rewrite it.
The way the lake looked could have been better detailed I think, I wasn't really sure what the size or color really was. I've been to a lake that shimmers green in the sun light once. It was very beautiful and the way the light would reflect and almost blind you sometimes. The boys on the large log, you started out describing it very well I could see it in my head and then it seemed as though you sort of lost it somewhere in there. (I hate it when it happens to me...)
Other than those minor things I am very happy so say you have greatly improved from your last chapter! *hugs* Great job I'm always happy to read your updates. DOing something new and different outside your usual realm of writing is always hard and difficult to pull off but you are doing so well. I'm glad to see that the plot hasn't really veered off of the beginning plot that you laid down in chapter one. The personalities are developing but not in a way that leaves you thinking that it was to drastically different from the chapter before hand. I see that happen so much and that is what really kills a story for me.
Job well done my dear! Now I'm going to take a random guess, and go with on the log where they all seem to be sitting in sync with one another. Then the big boom of Gaara falling in water and then all the building tension between the three. Until well, the little bit of lemon at the end. That's my guess, I seriously think I missed the actual starting point but *shrug* who knows except you! XDD hope to see another chapter as good or better than this one!
There was a few things missed, there was a couple times that you repeated a name, ex:Gaara is Gaara is sitting.(No not this exactly.) I do this all the time when I'm in the flow of writing and it's all coming to me and you pause and then you start writing again. You kind of forget where you were in the sentence so you tend to rewrite it.
The way the lake looked could have been better detailed I think, I wasn't really sure what the size or color really was. I've been to a lake that shimmers green in the sun light once. It was very beautiful and the way the light would reflect and almost blind you sometimes. The boys on the large log, you started out describing it very well I could see it in my head and then it seemed as though you sort of lost it somewhere in there. (I hate it when it happens to me...)
Other than those minor things I am very happy so say you have greatly improved from your last chapter! *hugs* Great job I'm always happy to read your updates. DOing something new and different outside your usual realm of writing is always hard and difficult to pull off but you are doing so well. I'm glad to see that the plot hasn't really veered off of the beginning plot that you laid down in chapter one. The personalities are developing but not in a way that leaves you thinking that it was to drastically different from the chapter before hand. I see that happen so much and that is what really kills a story for me.
Job well done my dear! Now I'm going to take a random guess, and go with on the log where they all seem to be sitting in sync with one another. Then the big boom of Gaara falling in water and then all the building tension between the three. Until well, the little bit of lemon at the end. That's my guess, I seriously think I missed the actual starting point but *shrug* who knows except you! XDD hope to see another chapter as good or better than this one!
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April 29, 2009 at 12:00 AM
loving your story so far! Naruto, Sai and Gaara are so cute ^__^