schedule
April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Okay, just two points, lol, the first is you *really* need to check your grammar. When you use dialogue you have a tendency to use speech-marks wrongly, for example "I am Naruto""I'm still Naruto talking""oh look, more speech marks but same guy talking" - if the person talking starts a new sentence just carry on, you don't need to use speech-marks at the end and start of every sentence!
Your chapters are also kind of short, which is annoying as you have a pretty good story but when the chapters are short it breaks the flow a lot, it's harder to get into. I should probably should compare it to music, having short chapters makes your piece staccato rather than a nice legato melody. That's great for some people of course but personally I can't imagine the majority of readers appreciating it.
However I like your style! It's unique to have music and songs as a main theme, having each chapter centre around a song suiting the mood is an interesting idea and is a pretty good one too! You obviously thought a lot about the plot too and what you wanted to happen and it makes for an interesting read (even though I think Naruto would have been better off with Gaara than Sasuke, lol!). I look forward to reading more and seeing where this goes.
Your chapters are also kind of short, which is annoying as you have a pretty good story but when the chapters are short it breaks the flow a lot, it's harder to get into. I should probably should compare it to music, having short chapters makes your piece staccato rather than a nice legato melody. That's great for some people of course but personally I can't imagine the majority of readers appreciating it.
However I like your style! It's unique to have music and songs as a main theme, having each chapter centre around a song suiting the mood is an interesting idea and is a pretty good one too! You obviously thought a lot about the plot too and what you wanted to happen and it makes for an interesting read (even though I think Naruto would have been better off with Gaara than Sasuke, lol!). I look forward to reading more and seeing where this goes.
schedule
April 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
*smiles* That was a beautiful ending. You did wonderful.
schedule
March 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hmmm..I'm still trying to work out Sasuke's reasoning with dating Sakura, I mean I'm not a Sakura hater but still his actions are a bit "what the hell is he thinking." Naruto's much more cuter and a hell of a lot easier to deal with. I patiently wait for the next chapter to make some sense of Sasuke's perpetual PMS.
cai
cai
schedule
February 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This fic is starting to grow on me. It will be interesting to see if that kiss was planned. Hmm...who would I like to see Gaara with? I guess maybe Sai or Itachi (if either are even in this fic, there are too many Gaara/Neji fics even though they are a good pair). I guess who ever you decide will be fine but those two are my votes.
Hugs and molestations XD
cai
Hugs and molestations XD
cai
schedule
February 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Sasuke, you JERK!!!! *cuddles Naruto*
schedule
February 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Gaara was cool in prt2...but then Gaara is always cool -loves him-
But the kiss with Sakura...yucky lol. Naruto should have punched her too j/k (kinda)
Good job! Looking forward to more :D
But the kiss with Sakura...yucky lol. Naruto should have punched her too j/k (kinda)
Good job! Looking forward to more :D
schedule
February 26, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really love a WAFF Sasuke&Naruto story. I've not read many melody fics before, so I don't know about the balance of lyrics vs plot. I think you've made a good beginning and am interested in seeing where you go with this. It seems all perfect now but I just have a feeling we're going to have to suffer through some angst to get to a satisfying conclusion. That said, I'm still willing to read if you're willing to develop the characters along with the plot. I look forward to more.