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January 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
its a good story although i believe kin died in the first chunin exam and please add sakura as one of the girls that is going to have sex with naruto.
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January 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is a great story. Keep it up! I love that Tenten took it like that, but that part could have lasted longer. Try making the sex more descriptive and longer. Really great though, keep up the good work.
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January 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Very good story, I like the concept! It was also very well written! I hope to see more chapters of this story, as well as completely new stories!
:P Anyways, I really enjoyed reading this, and Tenten and Temari are very hot ^^ Keep it up!
I like your style, but there's not much else I can say about it other than it was definitely one of the better stories on this site.
Keep up the good work.
:P Anyways, I really enjoyed reading this, and Tenten and Temari are very hot ^^ Keep it up!
I like your style, but there's not much else I can say about it other than it was definitely one of the better stories on this site.
Keep up the good work.
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January 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
good story so far. seen your stories on ff.net and i am glad to see you trying lemons now. can't wait for more.
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January 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Pretty good idea. I can't wait to see Naruto with the other girls, the only thing I'd like to suggest adding is a female Kyuubi to end it all who helps make Naruto the new king of the Forest and he takes all the girls for himself. I can totally see Naruto ruling the forest with all the girls as his pets clad in animal skin clothes like native americans or cavemen.
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January 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
For your first lemon this is really good. This story has a lot of potential and I'm looking forward to seeing more. Update soon!
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January 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Interesting story. If you run it through spell check, it'll be perfect. Can't wait to see the next part.
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January 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Well i am not sure if you wanted adults in this but you could do anko also with Hinata since kinda submissive you have a dom/sub thing with her you could also put Yugito in the exams for the heck of it as well
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January 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This isn't 1/2 bad, and it has room to expand, for your first lemon, it wasn't too bad, better than what I could do, but if your going to continue the story and make it lemon eccentric, I'd recommend adding more details to it, like describing body parts and maybe add a *pant or a *Kueww, or sound effects, and add some inner thoughts rather than completly 3rd person, then again, I'm one to talk, but still...please continue