rate_review Reviews

OMG *plugsup nose* That was Damn HOT!! I read the entire fic just now :D Really really great !! :D

I really like this fic. I'm glad that you were able to find a beta. If she's not up to beta-ing chapters 1-5, i'll be willing to take it on ^_^

I like this story, sounds like it could be a good one, you just need to get a good arc going. I'd gladly be your beta but I don't have an account on here (not sure if that's needed) My e-mail is lildesigner2@yahoo.com if you're interested.

~Jamie

I did read it, but maybe I just forgot. And you should get a beta for yourself, not really just me Lol. You like to write right? You should want it to be as good as possible. Writing the story in a Microsoft Word program or whatever, first should help with spelling and grammatical errors, that way you aren't really cross checking on a website as often.

Er I meant not just for me. Heh.

This could be very good. But I think you would benefit from a beta, or just re-reading what you wrote carefully. You had a lot of typos and grammatical errors. Also, your universe for this fic is confusing. They seem to be in a modern setting, but you still use things like auras, sand for killing, etc? Just another opinion of mine but the term "mother******" just seems silly, anywhere it's written. It breaks the flow. Oh and the group you had at the house. Kohonohamaru? That seems random. It's not a terrible story. but it could use some tweeking and such.

I really hope you continue this soon. I can't wait!

The pellets from a shotgun slug are called buckshot because it's been used to hunt deer for decades.

Interesting start, aside from some typos it's a pretty good read. I hope to see more.