schedule
July 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
(I review as I read.)
Love the dramatic lead-in to, “He was going home.” ^_^ . . . . I love the description of how run-down and overgrown the house is. . . . (*shivers*) Great description of the scene of the living room. . . . You write really poetic angst. I like it. I like the meaning and the significance of that room. . . . Good point: “if he had heard Itachi behind him, then Itachi wanted to be heard.” . . . . Boy, he’s mean; his first line. . . . “It was a foolish move really, to attack when he was so distracted by anger.” Good line. . . . Hang on, I think that’s an OOPS there: “It made Sasuke smile, pushing his entire body against his brother’s, shoving him into the wall.” I think you meant Itachi? Wasn’t Itachi pushing Sasuke into the wall? . . . . Uh-oh, Sasuke’s busted. . . . COOL! You linked “fear” to “his brother!” Whenever Sasuke feels fear, it feels like his brother. I like that part! =D . . . . “The sensation trilled through him like a well played chord. Itachi was masterful in this, he always had been.” Does that mean they’ve done this before, or just that Itachi was masterful at anything he does? . . . . Itachi really knows how to be mean when he wants to. . . . “He screamed at his body to move but it wouldn’t.” That seems to happen a lot with him. . . . “Taught with anxiety [. . .]” You mean, “taut,” not “taught.” . . . . What a sadist. . . . Sasuke’s between a rock and a hard place, isn’t he? Only it’s more like two hard places. . . . I like the uses of the words “betrayal” and “treachery”. ^_^ . . . . Jerk. “What do you want, otouto, I’ll do anything you want.” That’s mean. He’s only asking that after he confused Sasuke. . . . Then again, Sasuke’s answer is logical enough. . . . Itachi’s mocking protest makes me wonder what the hell his game is. Does he just enjoy tormenting his bro? . . . . Hey, I just checked for a reference for that “(1)”, but I can’t find one. . . . (*wince*) No prep. God, he’s mean. >.< . . . . Oh mannn. (*groans in despair*) “He sobbed then, his brain reduced to one goal, one goal only Itachi could give him.” It’s not revenge anymore, is it? u_u . . . . Interesting about Sasuke’s promises, which ones were broken and which ones were kept. . . . (*gasp*) “He let darkness slip down around him like Itachi’s cloak [. . .]” :heart: (Hearts aren’t working right now.) Beautiful.
“Postlude?” I’ve never heard of that one. Interesting. Where’d you hear it? . . . . I like the part that shows what changed and what hadn’t. That was well-written. . . . Interesting ending.
You’re kidding. This was your first?? Wow.
I LIKED IT!! =D :heart:
Love the dramatic lead-in to, “He was going home.” ^_^ . . . . I love the description of how run-down and overgrown the house is. . . . (*shivers*) Great description of the scene of the living room. . . . You write really poetic angst. I like it. I like the meaning and the significance of that room. . . . Good point: “if he had heard Itachi behind him, then Itachi wanted to be heard.” . . . . Boy, he’s mean; his first line. . . . “It was a foolish move really, to attack when he was so distracted by anger.” Good line. . . . Hang on, I think that’s an OOPS there: “It made Sasuke smile, pushing his entire body against his brother’s, shoving him into the wall.” I think you meant Itachi? Wasn’t Itachi pushing Sasuke into the wall? . . . . Uh-oh, Sasuke’s busted. . . . COOL! You linked “fear” to “his brother!” Whenever Sasuke feels fear, it feels like his brother. I like that part! =D . . . . “The sensation trilled through him like a well played chord. Itachi was masterful in this, he always had been.” Does that mean they’ve done this before, or just that Itachi was masterful at anything he does? . . . . Itachi really knows how to be mean when he wants to. . . . “He screamed at his body to move but it wouldn’t.” That seems to happen a lot with him. . . . “Taught with anxiety [. . .]” You mean, “taut,” not “taught.” . . . . What a sadist. . . . Sasuke’s between a rock and a hard place, isn’t he? Only it’s more like two hard places. . . . I like the uses of the words “betrayal” and “treachery”. ^_^ . . . . Jerk. “What do you want, otouto, I’ll do anything you want.” That’s mean. He’s only asking that after he confused Sasuke. . . . Then again, Sasuke’s answer is logical enough. . . . Itachi’s mocking protest makes me wonder what the hell his game is. Does he just enjoy tormenting his bro? . . . . Hey, I just checked for a reference for that “(1)”, but I can’t find one. . . . (*wince*) No prep. God, he’s mean. >.< . . . . Oh mannn. (*groans in despair*) “He sobbed then, his brain reduced to one goal, one goal only Itachi could give him.” It’s not revenge anymore, is it? u_u . . . . Interesting about Sasuke’s promises, which ones were broken and which ones were kept. . . . (*gasp*) “He let darkness slip down around him like Itachi’s cloak [. . .]” :heart: (Hearts aren’t working right now.) Beautiful.
“Postlude?” I’ve never heard of that one. Interesting. Where’d you hear it? . . . . I like the part that shows what changed and what hadn’t. That was well-written. . . . Interesting ending.
You’re kidding. This was your first?? Wow.
I LIKED IT!! =D :heart:
schedule
April 29, 2007 at 12:00 AM
For your first fic, that was really great!