schedule
November 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
AWESOME! Please continue cause this is good. ^-^
schedule
November 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ok, you have all my attention... now... be a good girl and update, ne? I liked this first chapter a heck of a lot... good character definition... and you said MPreg? Wonderful! I love that! Nyan! Cant wait!
schedule
November 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I actually like the premise alot and there were some instances there that i found very funny, so for your first fic, that was a pretty good first chapter. Only thing i would reccomend is putting the appropriate spaces between the paragraphs/dialogue so that it's easier to read. You have a very good style, and i can't wait to read the next chap so update soon!
schedule
November 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
you know, you should add this to FF.net as well. if you didn't already. people would love it. ^^
...
anyway, i liked the first chapter, even though everything moved a bit too quickly (and... the sleeping bag part sounded kind of disconcerning... and scary too O.o i think i enjoyed the way you're keeping the POV, even though you should show a bit more of what happens around naruto. i know you want to make it sound like he's speaking, but add some more detail, it would be better.
as for the rest, it's a good premise and i want to know what happens next, especially about sasuke's return, and everything inbetween; also, naruto's intake of him killing orochimaru and kabuto was a bit pushed over (he would have thought about it a bit more, in my perspective) so he may have relapses on that later on...
so this is Mpreg? and itanaru? (naruto pregnant maybe? and who would be the father?) i can't wait to get to that part. please, think about updating ASAP (as long as you can).
Ceph
...
anyway, i liked the first chapter, even though everything moved a bit too quickly (and... the sleeping bag part sounded kind of disconcerning... and scary too O.o i think i enjoyed the way you're keeping the POV, even though you should show a bit more of what happens around naruto. i know you want to make it sound like he's speaking, but add some more detail, it would be better.
as for the rest, it's a good premise and i want to know what happens next, especially about sasuke's return, and everything inbetween; also, naruto's intake of him killing orochimaru and kabuto was a bit pushed over (he would have thought about it a bit more, in my perspective) so he may have relapses on that later on...
so this is Mpreg? and itanaru? (naruto pregnant maybe? and who would be the father?) i can't wait to get to that part. please, think about updating ASAP (as long as you can).
Ceph