rate_review Reviews

i re-read your fic and this time read the AN!! Sorry for being one of those one-liners!! Sorry about that. As for the story, I really enjoy it emmensly!! I like that you have all my fave characters fighting over naruto! Although it's a sasu/naru fic, I'm rooting for Gaara, why because they belong together that's why!! Anyways, as for your fic, you keep everyone in character and gaara's lil wager idea, I can see him doing that, so that no one get's what he wants!! And for your writing style, I really enjoy it, so keep up the great work!! XDD

To start off with I think, unless you are doing this already, you should try reading the dialogue out loud to yourself or someone else. Sometimes it seems a little choppy. Maybe you could get a better hold on how Neji would talk by not using contractions in his sentences. Just by the way you keep describing him in your story makes him seem sort of snobby...not the kind to say 'don't, couldn't' and the like. Also be careful of contractions that slip their way into the actual narrative of the story, it makes it unprofessional. Your insults could use a little work...I can't believe Naruto calling Neji 'Eye boy'...so many characters in this story have oddish eyes. Try something besides 'Description with boy behind it'. Also be careful of the tone you use with each character. Try really expressing yourself through the character so that as the reader sees each sentence they could really tell who is talking without using he said she said type supports. With the action scenes, specifically the basketball game between Kiba and Naruto, I really didn't get the impression that Naruto was doing anything to actually get sweaty. A little more detail could have embellished that part well. I liked the tussle between Neji and Naruto. I could visualize what type of positions they were in, but I thought it strange that they made no noises...like 'oomph' or maybe a little ouch if one of them pinned the other too hard. Their conversation seemed detached from the fight until Naruto kept pausing his speech due to lack of air. I would like to know more about what is going on in Naruto's head besides little humorous liners that just pertain to the conversation at hand. Perhaps you should give him a little alone time so he can sort things out in his head and clarify his feelings to himself. On the other hand I did enjoy your story so far. The concept has a nice little twist, though I think it would be funny if one of the more outgoing girls tried to compete for Naruto and have the trio gang up on her.

Beautiful. Thats the word i use to describe this. You have an awesome writing style, and the plot is fantastic. I love the fact that you've pitted 3 guys against lovely naruto. (especially gaara..yum..)

Keep up the good work, and i look forward to more of your work.

This is a great fic! I like how you display each character's thoughts and feelings toward Naruto. They're all so determined. I really like how you're writing this. I can't wait to see what happens between Naruto and Sasuke over the weekend and I'm curious as to what it is that Naruto's hiding from him! Keep up the good work, it's coming together nicely!

Well, I was hoping this chapter would be better than your last one (which is why I think I didn't review last chapter) ... are you stressed by homework or something? lol
I guess...I'm not liking the push and pull as much as I was in the beginning of the fic. Well, I just realized this, but I think that it's because all of a sudden there's this change in Naruto 0.o and though your version of Naruto has always been one to be non-oblivious etc etc the latest couple of chapters has him all out of proportion, to me, i.e. I guess, also, you haven't explained a lot and I really would like to know what the heck is going on! lol
First: what were their pasts? What did Naruto do to gain such undying affection?
Second: How come all of a sudden he's so sure about Sasuke's feelings for him?
Third: What's this dream sequence about?
Fourth: It feels like there's a whole new plot starting within the plot with the latest courting idea that Neji has proposed. Instead of the expected 'Sasuke and Naruto try to come to terms with feelings,' to me it's like a big big throw off ^^ not that I mind.

I guess when I read this story, I can't tell what really is going to take place. Because it seems like you have it all planned out till the end, which is definitely a good thing. I like stories that have definite endings! But I guess, at the same time, it's kind of a put-off because like there's a lot of mystery within these 8 chapters.

Trust me, I'm not saying all this because you requested that we write something constructive to you. I would've written this either way.
I like your style, I don't want you to use other people's comments to help you along with the story or to 'fix' it. Keep your style, forget angles etc etc. I don't like it lol ^^ I like the original way you were writing to be much better, much more captivating.

Use constructive critism as support ;) not to change how you write.

Oh! That dream was very symbolic! ^^ Oh yeah, poor Gaara, he still hasn't been able to kiss Naruto-kun yet! >< LONG LIVE NEJIXNARUTO!!! Ya know what would be funny though? If Naruto accidently tripped and made accidental lip-contact with Gaara, Neji, or Sasuke. XD Please update soon!

I enjoy the story so far - but there are a couple of things.

I don't really like the fact that you make Naruto THAT attractive to everyone - where everyone just falls to a puddle if he smiles .. or something along those lines. Plus.. the fact that they have a bet with each other about getting his kiss? That seems .. kinda off.

But I love the story anyway, and I do hope you continue updating! I'm a Sasu/Naru fan, so my fingers are crossed at who'll be with him in the end!

kinda confused over the last part... So are they just normal uni students or actually have powers like in the real manga series? I mean.... Is it possible for Gaara to erhem... anihilate the both of his enemies if he is just a college student? well... maybe that was just a figurative... anyway great as usual! kinda of mundane though since there is no sasuke and naruto action! they are the best parts in the story :D but i am looking forward to sasuke visiting naruto... heheh.... Update soon ok? if im not wrong you update 2 times per week so till next time and more narusasu action! hmmm... four of them getting it on will be fun in naru's dream :P

This is going to be SasuNaru right? I love that pairing, I can't see either of them with anyone else. Anyway, Naru is going to be ticked when he finds out about the deal the three of them made, maybe Sasu could come clean on their weekend out, and earn some points. How long are you planning on this being or are you going at it off the cuff? I really like it.

Heeey there! XD
You've reached 10000 hits! Congrats! :D
Ahaha... when Gaara and Sasuke noticed Neji on the hill with Naruto... my first thought, "They are SO going to kick his ass."
Poor Naruto. XD Everyone loves him. Or... at least wants to jump him lol
I'm looking forward to seeing how Sasuke's weekend works out... and the contest for Naruto's kiss XD