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Reviews for The Ugly Fox

By : Gothicpumpkin
  • From ANON - Anon on August 10, 2017

    Love it. I hope Naruto and the twins are saved soon. Let me know if I can help you out. 


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  • From ANON - Pueo on November 15, 2013
    I like the story so far.


    About the mini rant......I feel the same way. I personally don't condone bullying of any kind.

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  • From moodysavage on August 12, 2013
    Hey! I also hate being one who gives advice but I think it would be worth it for you to keep writing and keep improving. I think your story idea is a good one and you do a good job of working to put in details and establish the characters and their personalities. I especially liked how you had Naruto in chapter 1 sitting on Gaara's lap for comfort and how Neji comforted Naruto too. It showed clearly how the relationships worked between each of them which is great because that's what writers should do... SHOW what their characters are like not just tell what they are like.

    But one thing to remember is to keep the story moving without repeating too much of something. The large number of examples of Naruto being bullied in the first chapter with witnesses and friends close by was pretty excessive which ultimately made it unrealistic. (like a movie with a car chase scene that goes on forever)His friends would have done more to protect him because he actually has quite a few that are not considered weak either. Mixing those scenes with other plot development will help your story.

    Your story does have an awkward style that you shouldn't worry too much about right now because that will improve with the more you read the more you will pick up how the writing style should flow (a beta could help with this).

    The biggest problem you have right now though in getting readers to start your story is that 1+ rating you have. I usually skip right over stories that have +++ or less (and I even hesitate to read ++++). That will keep readers from even trying your story. But I liked your story idea and that you have kept at it despite the lack of much response. Feel free to ask your regular readers to hit the darn rate button! And good luck:)
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  • From Katrellepps on August 12, 2013
    This Is a Very Nice Story! Please Continue to Write More! I love how you Crossed the Regular Naruto Story With the More modern Part of Society!!
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  • From AFFModerator on August 10, 2013

    Please correct your disclaimer.


    Your disclaimer doesn't have one of the two parts we need to see. It must say that no money/profit is made. Saying that it’s just for fun or just for entertainment purposes is not enough.


    What happens if the disclaimer isn't fixed? We allow seven (7) days for the story to be corrected. After that, we hide it, and it will stay hidden until it's corrected or until it's been thirty (30) days since we hid it. At that point, we do delete the story. If we do hide your story, you can always access it through your Control Panel in your archive profile even while it's hidden. If we do hide your story, and you've fixed it, you can contact the ToS team with the name of your story, your username and the fandom where the story is located to have your story made visible again. You can contact us by email at TOS_team@adultfanfiction.net. Just one thing: Re-uploads of hidden stories are deleted immediately with no additional warning given.


    Here's a link to the Terms of Service:

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    http://www2.adultfanfiction.net/forum/index.php?showtopic=3560


    We also suggest taking a few minutes to read the Content Guidelines:

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    You can remove this review once your disclaimer is corrected.


    Thank you,

    Serronas, AFF Archive Moderator



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  • From Brien_James on August 08, 2013
    I hate being 'that guy' but its jarring when I read innocents, when you meant to write innocence. The latter is a state of being, while the former is a plural describing people possessing that state. It wouldn't hurt to run the text through a grammar checker before final post. Here is an article with several options: www.techsupportalert.com/content/some-free-browser-based-online-proofreading-tools.htm. Please understand that I wouldn't bother to mention this unless I liked your story, and just wish it to be better. Keep posting!
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  • From ANON - Athrun434 on August 05, 2013
    what a great start to a story. I'm reading it and my heart is crying for Naruto hope his situation improves soon. not a fan of people picking on the weak or misunderstood. cant wait to read more
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