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Reviews for The Killing

By : Krissael
  • From Celeste on November 11, 2013
    Cant wait for the rest of this story. Hope all is well with you!
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  • From ANON - Gesshoku on April 21, 2013
    I've read this story from ch.1 of its conception...
    I've gotta say, it is quite well written. You keep to the storyline of the actual show, yet some of your own avenues give a subtle forbearance on certain events that occur. Giving it a life all its own, and making a believable circumstance within the Naruto universe. I am impressed with your work and I look forward to reading more from you. Fantastic job and good luck. ;)
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  • From Mario on April 05, 2013
    Hi there! I promised to find the time to read and review this story again, and I finally managed to do so. It is currently quite early in the morning, and my brain is working slower than I'd like, so I hope you'll forgive me if this review turns out completely inane.

    I honestly don't actually have that much to say, this time around. You're still doing an excellent job with the story, in my estimation, and I know you'll continue to produce great work. As I've said before, I don't often read fanfiction, but when I do, I am consistently surprised at how wonderfully talented everyone is. It's really awesome to see so much creativity and imagination, channeled in so many different ways. You are most certainly an exemplar of those qualities, and I hope you will keep writing in the future.

    I'm afraid I can't come up with much constructive criticism for you in this review. You've done a great job at improving the story even as you go along, and it is far too persnickety and a waste of your valuable time to point out every minor detail that could possibly be changed. One thing did stand out to me, though. I was a little surprised to see Koroshi so easily overcome by the thief who stole her purse. I may be misreading her character, but she came off to me as oddly passive in that scene. I thought the chapter otherwise did a perfect job of portraying the difficulties and discrimination that Koroshi is facing, even from her fellow villagers, and the depths of brutality to which people can sink when they are reduced to a mob. I think you can still convey that sense of harsh reality to the reader without compromising on Koroshi's abilities or her determination.

    I like all the new details you've added, especially those involving Anko. Orochimaru, on the other hand, has been a royal jerk so far, to put it very mildly. I guess he didn't get the message when Itachi cut off his hand the last time. I'll be looking forward to seeing how the story develops from here.

    Now, if I hurry, I think I'll have just enough time to leave a review for your Inuyasha story . . .
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  • From ANON - Julia White on April 03, 2013
    Wow, that was a really good story! I honestly hope there's more and that you didn't let itachi get killed like he really did in the anime/manga :((((
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  • From Mario on March 06, 2013
    Hello, hello! I hope this review finds you well. I'm not in the habit of reviewing stories (mostly because I don't have the chance to read them), but I could hardly refuse when asked to do so by someone who has so kindly reviewed my own poor work. I don't know much of anything about what makes a great story, so I doubt this review will be all that helpful; just ignore anything that you don't feel will aid you in your writing. Personally, I think you're doing great—you seem to have a lot of wonderful ideas and the rate at which you update this story leaves me rather dizzy (in a good way). With that said, I think there are three things that you could do to make this story even better:

    (1) Personally, I feel that authors should generally refrain from the use of internal author's notes and parenthetical explanations in their stories. As tempting as it always is to interject a comment in order to clarify something, I think that most readers find it jarring, which can detract from the impact you're trying to make with the story. It's usually better to take an extra ten minutes to work out how to convey an image to the reader without disrupting the story's prose. Of course, if you feel that it has to be done, then you should do it. As the writer, you know best what response you want to evoke in the reader.

    (2) I struggle so much with this myself that I really don't have any right to say it, but I feel the pacing of the story could be improved. The story has a pleasantly slow start, but then it takes off so quickly (both chronologically and event-wise) that I'm left with questions about what exactly happened during some of the intervening time periods. You have a lot of characters and a lot of emotional connections that form as a result of their interaction; you end up robbing the reader of a lot of the fun when you don't slow down just a teeny bit to flesh those connections out. For example, we know that Anko is your OC's teacher, but we hardly see any of Anko in the story (a crime :P)! I'd love to see more of the time your OC spends with minor characters.

    (3) I feel that your OC has just a bit of the "Mary Sue" syndrome. It's not so much her powers or natural talents, but rather the way that a lot of the characters seem to spontaneously fall for her, seemingly without much effort or even notice on her part. I don't really mind a love triangle (or polygon, as the case may be), but a Mary Sue character can be very destructive to a story because she tends to drown the other characters.

    I'm wincing just a bit as I come to the end of this review, because I feel like all my criticisms have obscured what I really wanted to say. I came here to tell you that this is an awesome story, and that you should be very proud of it and yourself for writing it! Looking at what I've written, I can see that it might be very easy to get the idea that I don't like the story, which isn't the case at all! I think you have done a brilliant job; thank you very much for sharing this story. I'm really curious as to what Itachi is planning, in contrast to canon, but don't spoil it for me! I'll wait for you to unveil the surprise. Good luck!!
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