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Reviews for Not All What It Seems

By : OceanBlue
  • From Jackee on March 27, 2007
    Here's some constructive criticism for you.

    First chapter didn't really do anything for me. There is a good idea behind this fic, and if you spent more time working on it then it might actually turn out okay. As it is now it's just simply rushed, and it won't do the readers or the story any good - I doubt readers will continue reading it if you keep writing like this. Because as a reader, it feels like you haven't spent much time on chapter one. Perhaps thirty minutes at most. That does not make me feel like keeping a watch on it for future updates, you know?

    Maybe I've become too picky with my fanfic reading after all these years, but what you currently have is something I call the skeleton; the foundation of a story. You need to flesh it out; build layer on layer. Don't be afraid to add words; describe the scenery and emotions. Flesh - it - out.
    Because just writing the basic foundation of the story and uploading it as the finished product isn't fair to the idea you have for this fic.

    Also, don't get too over-repetitive (sp? xD ) with the same words. You used 'jolt of pain' twice too soon after one another. Find alternative wording.
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